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Bruising on my stepdaughter; a cause for concern?

by Name Undisclosed
(USA)

My step-daughter visited us over the Spring break and had bruises on her back. They were not there when we returned her on 1/1/08. There were 6 marks, one on each of her shoulder blades and 2 directly underneath her shoulder blade to under her arms. The 2 on her shoulder blade looked like they were thumb prints and the 4 under the shoulder blade looked like they could be from fingers. We took her to the doctor and he asked her if anyone beats her. She said "no" to him. He agreed the upper marks looked like thumbprints, but dismissed it to hyper-pigmentation. They are like carbon-copied marks on both sides of her back. She told me that her mother beats her badly with a belt, but told someone else that she does so "lightly." Her mother claimed they were marks from eczema from when she was a year old. My step-daughter first said she didn't know about them, then she knew about them and her mother was going to bring her to her doctor, then it could have been when she backed into the door knob, to finally agreeing with her mom that it was eczema.

What should we do? Her behavior has changed with this last visit. She is withdrawn. Her appetite was back to normal after being here for 3 days. She didn't want her father in her room, despite me and her brother being in there. She kept kicking my pre-teen son in his private area and would use "it was by accident" as an excuse. The "accident" stopped when I told her if it happens again she will be grounded.

Are we just reading into nothing or do we need to seek assistance?

Note from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "Bruising on my stepdaughter; a cause for concern?" can be found below.

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Bruising on my stepdaughter; a cause for concern?

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Apr 16, 2008
 YES, there is cause for concern...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, something is not right in your stepdaughter's life. She's exhibiting physical, behavioural and emotional signs that could—and is quite likely—evidence of child abuse. But it might NOT be child abuse, or if it is, it might not be the type of abuse or from the source you believe it to be.

You should report what you suspect to your local child protection agency, just don't expect much to come of it if your stepdaughter won't disclose and/or keeps changing her story. That is one of the dilemmas that child protection workers face when it comes to substantiating child abuse. But at least the report will be on record. As for the doctor who examined your stepdaughter...his hyper-pigmentation diagnosis will not help the situation if she really IS being abused. But as I stated above, it's possible that she is not being abused.

What you do NOT want to do is conduct your own investigation, nor do you want to interrogate your stepdaughter. Leave this to the social worker; otherwise you could jeopardize the investigation and any positive outcome.

If your stepdaughter decides to disclose to you, follow the H.E.A.R.S. method I've outlined on my child abuse intervention page. This page also identifies why children do and do not disclose; information I believe you'll find helpful in understanding what is going on with your stepdaughter.

While I admire how caring you are about your stepdaughter, and I don't want to take away from your loving nature, I am left asking where your stepdaughter's father is in all this. This is his daughter; he should be the one taking steps to determine what is going on and then taking appropriate and necessary action from there.

Regardless of whether or not child abuse is substantiated, I strongly recommend some form of counselling for your stepdaughter in order to help with her emotional state and violent behaviour.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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