As The Loss of Innocence Spreads

by Aunt Sandy
(Ohio, USA)

Recently, my brother went upstairs to check on his five-year-old son, three-year-old daughter and six-year-old playmate. He found the three together in the bathroom. The six-year-old had inserted the cover of a disposable razor into the rectum of my three-year-old niece, while her brother watched. The issue was taken to the mother of the six-year-old, who brushed it off as child's play, and commented that she had caught her own daughter and a cousin doing the same thing just the night before, in her own home.

I am enraged, totally floored, that the three-year-old was not taken directly to the ER. Instead, they are waiting to discuss it with the little girl's teachers today.

I could not get it through their skulls that someone has practiced this on the first girl, who in turn assaulted the next girl, who has assaulted their daughter. That this is totally out of the norm of child sexual curiosity. This involved penetration, done in secrecy. The girls all knew enough not to do this downstairs, in front of the adults, but rather behind a closed door. That the first girl didn't just see and hear her mother and her new female partner; rather, someone has initiated her into this using a small slender object. Probably a trusted adult. And since this has been a chain of young girls, that is was probably a woman who did it.

What the girls knew to keep secret, among them, is the literal spread of a loss of innocence that the girl's may feel is appropriate, but in the same stance have not informed their parents.

Today, I am going to the local police. Somewhere along this chain, someone—most likely an adult—has taken a childhood, and in turn it has affected other children in the neighborhood.
As it stands today, because the police were not called and there was no ER room visit, I am taking it upon myself to go to their city and file a complaint. This may very well end my relationship with my brother and his wife, but truthfully, I wish someone—anyone—no matter what the price, had stood up for me and my siblings as children.

I adore my niece. I adore my nephew. I love their parents. But there comes a time in everyone's life when you stand up and be counted, or sweep it under the rug. My sister-in-law's reaction to this being a hand-me-down abuse, and that it is no one's business; frankly, she couldn't be more wrong. Anytime a child is abused, the effects are long-reaching; and it is the business of every adult in their lives and throughout society. This is not child's play.

Darlene's comments to this Child Abuse Article titled "As The Loss of Innocence Spreads" are at the link below.

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Comments for As The Loss of Innocence Spreads

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Mar 10, 2008
GREAT that you are taking needed action...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sandy, I commend you for taking action. What I will add here is, contact Child Protection Services, not just the police, as CPS should do an investigation. Sometimes the police miss this step. And even if they do report this to CPS, it is better that they receive more than one complaint than to receive no complaint.

I hope you will keep us informed on what happens with this. And I also hope you yourself are getting some form of counselling for the abuse you were forced to deal with when you were a child, Sandy. Your niece and nephew aren't the only ones worth getting help and support; you are too.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 10, 2008
On My Own
by: Aunt Sandy

I sought treatment, and in return worked in a county agency level law enforcement for several years. As an adult, I have taken the steps to assure that I can function and moved on to bigger fish to fry. My own perp was buried a few months ago, making the final closure.
The difference between knowledge and wisdom: knowledge is the understanding of accepted world truths, while wisdom is the application of world truths and the creation of new ideals.

Mar 16, 2008
Almost on Deaf Ears
by: Aunt Sandy

Well, we have made it through the week. I spent an entire day, last week seeking out where to file the complaint.
It took a visit to two police departments, the sheriff's office, Child Protective Services, Nord's Center, a rape crisis agency, to finally get some one to fill out a report.
It came down to two basic things: First, I had not been in the house when it occurred, and second, the mother had to file the complaint. So, armed with the little information I had, I stuck to my guns, and found a young detective who was willing to listen to me, before cutting me off. He followed it up, took the complaint where it needed to go, thank god. Now, the children services, and a crisis center has spoken to two of the three sets of parents. We are still trying to locate the first girl of the group, who did the first assault. It is agreed on that she has been assaulted herself, to know how to do this.
Though it has caused a great amount of difficulty for my sister in law, because the other mothers are in an up roar, I told her give them my number. She after all didn't make the calls and contact, I did, and I will stand by what I have said and done.
Sometimes, doing what is right is a hard path. I could have chosen to take the same route as the others, that since it wasn't happening in my home, it wasn't my business. But, because it involves a child, in fact, two I do not know, I have chosen to make it my business. Perhaps, if more people took action, then less of a taboo would exist today for victims.

Mar 17, 2008
A hard, but correct ,path...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sounds to me as though the process in Ohio is broken, Sandra. In Canada, police and CPS take a report on suspected child abuse. The fact that you were not in the house when it happened would not have mattered. The mother would NOT have been the one to have to file the complaint. Very disappointing that you got shifted from one agency to another. Most people would probably have dropped the whole thing after getting the run-around. Good on you for sticking to your guns! You are so right when you say it is your business; child abuse is everybody's business. We can't turn our backs on our children. Let's hope the system doesn't fail these children that you've worked so hard to help.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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