Child Abuse Story From Hanna W

by Hanna W
(New Zealand)

When I was thirteen my mother physically abused me. We were in the car driving home, she kept asking me these questions about my dad, like weither or not I cared if my dad and his ex-girlfriend got back together, but I said no because it wasn't my choice, nor was it my life, then she suddenly got all mental and then thought I was texting my dad but really I was just on facebook. She stopped the car and I tried to get out but she grabbed my hair and pulled me back towards her. My 14 year old sister was at the back telling her to leave me alone but my mother just continued to try get my phone. I screamed, but then she slapped my face hard about 2-3 times. She started to scratch me, but then later we went back to my aunties house so that she could tell lies.


other times she threw things at me, punched me and hit me badly. They were really sore and I think she needs help but she just wont get it. she blames everything on me, when really its herself, especially when shes taking her problems thats got nothing to do with me out on me.




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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Hanna W

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Oct 20, 2011
Hanna:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've hit the nail on the head when it comes to your mother. You can't make her go for help, even though she desperately needs it. What's most important at this point is the help YOU need. Please contact WHATSUP, the New Zealand Child Helpline, in order to talk to a professional counsellor about what you're dealing with. The service is available for children aged 5 ? 18 years, from noon to midnight 7 days a week. Call them at 0800 942 87 87. Visit their website by copying and pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.whatsup.co.nz

You don't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Oct 20, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Hanna, something's seriously wrong with your mom because she is a sadistic brute and she needs help, so the sooner you tell, the better! Oh, and you are not to blame for her sadistic behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. She has all the power and continues to misuse it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting her as well.

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Child Abuse Story From Unknown Gril

by Unknown Girl
(Illinois, USA)

My story is not as bad as many others. My mother and my step-father got married when I was six years old. My mother got pregnant and had her first son when I was 7 years old. Once she had him i started to be treated different than before. I didnt know how to react. My mom ended up pregnant again and had a girl a year later. That's when my abuse began. Both my mother and step-father got really bad into drugs. They started to treat me like i ment nothing to them. I would get beat for the smallest things. I was forced to grow up at a very young age. I had to wake up with the kids in the moring to take care of the kids. I was the parent for my brother and sister. I did everything. I cooked, cleaned, bathed them, got them dressed. Yet, i still was beat. I decided I would never miss a chore or not do anything I was told to do. Each time i did forget I would be beat. I still to this day have a scar on my forehead from my step-father. He would bribe me into not telling anyone what he did to me. He would buy me so many things and do anything for me. If I did tell and he found out I would get beat worse. I never was taken out of that environment. I was beaten from the time I was six years old until I was 13. I had to move to my grandparents because of how bad I was beat. Then there I was beat as well. Child abuse is something I COMPLETELY disagree with. I know how hard it is to be told you're worthless. And not to feel loved. Please STOP child abuse. )':




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Nov 18, 2011
To Unknown Girl:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Don't compare your abusive childhood to that of others; that's not fair to what you endured. It's not about who had it worse; it about the effects the abuse left you with, and how to deal with those effects. I do hope you're in some type of counselling or therapy. What you endured was ultimately betrayal and abandonment. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect. Your mother and stepfather were ill-equipped to deal with parenthood, and instead, took their anger and frustration out on you. They were two very sick people who were stuck in whatever childhood misery they themselves endured. It didn't surprise me when you said you'd been beaten while in the care of your grandparents. So many believe that grandparents are the perfect parents, and sometimes they are, but I always want to know about the grandparents when their child is an abuser. After all, why is it that their child is abusing in the first place. What did they put their child through that made that adult child what he or she is today. You've now got 2 sets of parental abuse to sort through. If you're not in counselling, I hope you'll consider going. You're worthy of that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 19, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Unknown Girl, your so-called parents are wrong. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were (and still are) sadistically denied of, so never believe any of those lies that they were spewing. Oh, and even your grandparents are no better; the path that your abusers chose is inexcusable. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their immature, sick misery as well as their ignorant ugliness. Oh, and mature, stable adults do NOT do drugs; mature, stable adults do NOT use their own precious kids as their personal slaves; mature, stable adults do NOT beat up their own children; only mentally disturbed people resort to such childish tactics. Your parents, along with your grandparents, are like little three-year-old kids trapped in adult bodies, so I'm sure that they must've been stuck in their own childhood. Anyway, you are not to blame for their behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, far away from those sad, tragic brutes...and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Linda S

by Linda S
(Oregon, USA)

I was emotionally abused and neglected by my mom and physically abused by my dad and I'd prefer the physical abuse any day: 
I'd hate to be her my mother because I believe there is karma and her day is coming.

Let's see my mother told me she never wanted me. She said I gave her varicose veins when I was born and when I was 40 she told me she wanted me to kill myself and I tried.

I needed glasses I couldn't read the big E when I was 14 she was forced to take me begrugingly to the doctors and he yelled at her because of my eyes a week later she put me in a foster home. I thought I'd get redemtion silly me.

The things she has done to me I could go on for hours about, but she really didn't want me we never bonded I was never loved. Now to get my sanity back I have to forgive her, pray for her, confess my feelings of ill will towards her etc.




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Dec 23, 2011
Linda:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your mother was sick and twisted, and she took that out on you. Forgiveness does not say that what she did to you was okay, and it does not mean that you have to have a relationship (loving or otherwise) with your abuser, and it doesn't even require that you have a face-to-face with her. Forgiveness says that I will no longer be consumed with hateful and hostile feelings. It says that I will no longer be controlled by the misery I was put through. And it says that I take back my power. But it sometimes takes more than this knowledge to get to that place; we simply have to meet our Self where we are in the moment. What was done to you was horrific. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Start by giving your Self that dignity and respect and love. If you haven't already, please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with all the effects of childhood abuse. It's the most loving thing you can do for your Self. I send you love, light and positive energy, Linda. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jan 04, 2012
I Want to hear I am sorry
by: Anonymous

that is all I want from that f c ing bi ch She has never apologized or shown one sign of remorse for what she did to me.

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Child Abuse Story From Renee C

by Renee C
(Ontario, Canada)

He Got Away with Everything: 
My father was never punished for what he did to all of us and it makes me angry still, years later. I'm fifty years old and still wish he had gone to jail, but at the time, back when the incest came out, I was told I could not charge him because he only touched me once. My other two sisters wouldn't charge him because they were still confused and pretty screwed up. Back then there also was a statute of limitations so my mother just used the incest as the reason for the divorce. Now, this past year I met a brother and two sisters from dad's other family and found out he molested the oldest sister when she was young too. All in all my father molested four out of six daughters that he had when we were children and he was abusive to all ten of us. He had two families going at once. He was a conman and pathological liar. He still doesn't believe he did anything bad to any of us. I don't think I will be able to let it go until he dies. I get so angry that he got away with everything.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Renee C




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Oct 17, 2011
Renee:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is no statute of limitations for child abuse in Canada, assuming the sexual abuse happened while in Canada. You can consider making a report, but if you do, don't get caught up in the idea of justice being served. I know that probably sounds ridiculous; after all, why else would one make a report. But if you manage to get the crown to prosecute him, and then you go into court fully expecting him to be convicted and to serve a lot of time, you will very likely be disappointed. Such a disappointment could easily throw you into a tailspin of emotions you're not prepared for. Talk to the other members of his family to see if they'd also be willing to make a report, especially the ones he violated repeatedly. Whether or not you recognize it, healing on some level has already begun just by opening up to what kind of a monster and pedophile he really was. That healing can go further by opening up further with his other victims. And please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the effects his abuse left you with. Your legacy does not have to be one where he still has power and control over you. The fact that you carry such anger and hostility means you are still connected to him and the abuse, as justified as that anger and hostility is. It's YOU who's suffering, not him. Take back your power, Renee. Get the help you need so that you can be released from the ties that continue to bind you to him. He isn't worthy of your time and energy. But you're worthy of professional help. You're worthy of that kind of release. But only YOU can reach out for it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



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Child Abuse Story From My Inner Child

by My Inner Child
(Texas, USA)

My parents divorced when I was nearly 2, leaving my mom to almost instantly meet another guy who became my step-dad. They married when I was nearly 5 and I am told that he loved to play with me and did so very often. I remember none of this but if that is true it stopped abruptly because I have no real memory of either of my main care-takers playing with me. I feel now that he was grooming me. It disgusts me to even type that word, because I know the horrid meaning. I feel like he was putting on a front with my mom to impress her and get me to trust him.

Both of my parents were very mean to me...emotionally and sometimes physically. I was their scape goat.

The sexual abuse started, from what I can honestly recall, when I was about a sophomore in high school. I have a lot of shame about it happening then because to this day I tell myself, "I should have been smart enough to stop it". But honestly, I was frozen. So shocked, I was frozen and couldn't move or talk. At first he would walk in on me while I was dressing or showering. This progressed to him asking me to "model" any swimsuits or dresses I purchased. Then he started asking me to massage him. Then he started buying me bras and would bring them home requesting me to try them on to ensure they fit right. Of course none of this happened when my mom was home (she worked a lot and went to school), except not giving me privacy. He made it a rule that no doors could be locked anywhere in the house except the front door, so if he wanted in, I had no control over it. Throughout all of this, he also would find ways to rub up against me - like carrying in groceries or passing in the hall.

There are 2 instances where I recall for certain, that I declare where I was sexually abused without a doubt and today, I say that was one too many. I used to think that just because I could only remember two, that I was "lucky" and it wasn't all that bad. I now know its likely I can't recall a lot and even just ONCE can really mess up a person. (I want to scream as I write this).

One time when he took me to school, it was sort of cold and I was wearing a skirt. As we were waiting for the car to heat up, he asks if I know the warmest part of my body. I say my head. He says actually, its between your legs. I felt really weird at that time. He then says let me put my hands between your legs to get them warm and you can do the same to me. I didn't put my hands on him but he put his on mine and I sat there for what felt like forever and finally said I didn't think that was a good idea. He didn't touch me on my vulva, from what I remember, but it was close and definitely inappropriate. The other time, I was asleep and a figure opened my bedroom door, illuminating it by the hall light. I woke up and heard this figure walking to my bed. Of course I was terrified so I just lay there not really knowing what to do. I was also half asleep and thought maybe it was a dream, so I pretended to sleep to see what this figure would do. They waited a bit and then sat down on my bed and unbuttoned my pajama top. I rolled over and said no. They sat there again and they must have stayed there long enough for me to fall back asleep because I woke up to this person touching my bare breasts. I said No again, this time really angrily and they left. I said to myself, "I can't believe he did that", knowing full well who it was. After all, it was just the 3 of us living in the house. Who else was a male? I was in therapy at the time for rage issues (wonder why?!) and I told my therapist what happened. She of course wanted to speak to my mom and when she told my mom, she never ever acknowledged me. Not one single time. She did however ask him and he of course denied it but they got into a huge fight. It was never brought up again but his gross behavior continued until I moved out.

My step-brother (his son) is also another perpetrator for me. He abused me sexually when I was 4 and he was 8/9. I am pretty certain that is the first time I gave oral sex and I believe this is why, to this day, it is VERY difficult for me. I am still working on trying to come to grips with this, as we were both kids. However, it affected me. I am exceptionally sensitive to certain smells and being touched. In time...

I have done a lot of therapy and personal work on my abuse. My abuse has led to me having a Sex and Love Addiction (it's real, folks) with my addiction being mostly Love Avoidant. I am working on connecting in healthy ways with men in close relationships. However, sex is no big deal...I guess because it doesn't mean much to me. My abuse has led me to date men that have abused me, put myself into 2 situations where I was raped and contributed heavily to an inability to manage my anger.

I have done both individual and group therapies for my abuse and I can say yes, I have healed some. But I'm not 100%. This has for sure messed with me mentally. I fear having kids of my own some day because I know you can't protect your kids all the time, 24-7. I also would never want to leave them alone at my parents, so I would have to work around that. I am also very nervous around kids, since my recovery. I am hyper-sensitive to everything I do or say. I guess because I want to make sure I am as healthy and appropriate with every child I meet...making sure they feel safe around me...even if it is 5 min. I just want to really express I am a good person, you know? I guess because sometimes I feel like I'm just not. Residual feelings I suppose. And what is weird is I have an extensive background working with kids (not doing it currently) and none of this hyper-sensitivity ever came up prior to recovery. I guess it just opens up stuff for me. I hate it sometimes because I feel like the bad guy for even thinking of my own abuse around kids. But I guess if I'm healing it might be natural. I also ask God to bless and protect each child I come in contact with because I wished someone would have done that for me.

My feeling of "not good" has really affected my relationships but I'm working really hard to make changes. I start an anger management class soon and I just think my recovery will be ongoing. At least I'm working to break and change patterns.

If you even have a hint of wondering if you were, I really send you a virtual hug, and want you to know, it will arrive when you are ready. And nothing, I mean nothing is ever worse than the actual acts. Remembering might be hard but the worst is over.

Light and love to anyone reading this.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 20, 2011
To My Inner Child:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are well on your way along the path of healing and recovery. You have a very good handle on what has and continues to happen in your life. And yes, as you move through your journey, you may find more and more stuff comes up. That's a very good thing. When that happens, it means you're healing well enough that your mind is ready to release even more. Take it as it comes. Allow your Self to experience the full range of emotions that are attached. When that happens, the emotions will let you go. Anger management is a great place to turn. There you can gain the tools and resources necessary to move forward in your life in ways that you may find difficult to believe at this point. When you are able to deal with your anger and understand where it really lies, then your fears will dissipate. Just go into this process with an open mind, just as you have with other forms of therapy. And just know that you are an inspiration to others. Keep up the great work! I send Love and Light to you too. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Jane

by Jane
(Location Undisclosed)

I was out with a friend who worked for a government agency to do with child rights at age 20. She told me that she had illegally searched the records and found my name on the system, for sexual molestation. She told me the case was substantiated. I confronted my mum and she told me that she was going to tell me, but couldn't find the right words. We lived in a small town, and My mom told me that I was 4 and visited an elderly couple who lived across the street quite regularly. This day in particular, a neighbor saw me visit and went to tell my mom that he thought the couple were odd and to not let me go in future. Mom picked me up and took me home, asking me what I had done over there. I told her that the old man took off my underwear and touched me. I wasn't overly stressed, but mum called the police. They came and did an Investigation and I was checked for physical damage, nothing major was found. The man was charged with sexual abuse and he admitted to molesting me on a few occasions. Mom told me that she will never know how many times it happened and who else to, or if there was Any more serious and violent abuse that happened on previous visits. The man is dead now. He told the police that I was a sexual child which was why he did it to me, which my mum said is ridiculous. I cannot remember the abuse, though I do remember the look inside their house and smell. I cannot remember his face either. As a young child I lied a lot and I also remember touching one of my young friends (boys) penis and trying to put a stick into it. Also used to play sexual nurses at around 5-6 with a female friend. I am now a lesbian, I am not sure if my molestation had anything to do with that.
I often wonder what really happened any why i can't remember what happened.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 06, 2011
Jane:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The first thing I'm going to say is that your mother is absolutely correct: it IS ridiculous that this pedophile tried to blame you as the sexual one for his vile actions. He was one sick pedophile who refused to take responsibility for his perverted urges. Secondly, sexual orientation is not determined by whether or not a person has been molested or how they were molested, though molestation can wreak havoc with a person's sexuality. But understand that there is a difference between sexuality and sexual orientation. Thirdly, the mind is a truly fascinating part of the body. Memory is stored in ways that we're just beginning to understand, not necessarily in just one place. What we do know is that childhood memories are often sketchy or non existent. We tend to remember the things that leave the greatest emotional impact on us because the neurons fuse better when strong emotions are present. However, when the emotional charge is too much for the child to deal with (and this can happen to adults too), such as with trauma, the mind goes into emergency mode and can shut down memory storage completely. Or it can repress the memory that is too traumatic to remember. Or memory can be adversely affected as a result of some type of brain injury, even a minor injury that you would never consider: falling off your bike and hitting your head, for example. Therefore, it's difficult to pinpoint in any given circumstance exactly why someone doesn't remember details (but remembers some details) or has no recall of complete events, even when the event was emotional and could have left a major imprint. You do remember some of the things you did to other children. You were what is termed a sexually intrusive child. Such children are intrusive because they themselves have been sexually abused in some way themselves. As a child, you were not to blame. You were likely acting out what you had either seen or experienced. If you feel compelled to explore this and your lack of memory further, I strongly recommend seeking out some form of therapy. There's no guarantee you'll remember, but therapy may be able to bring the light of understanding to what may have happened, as well as the ability to put what happened into perspective. I suggest you go into therapy for the purpose of peace of mind, rather than piecing your mind. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Oct 08, 2011
your friend who illegally searched...
by: My Two Cents

I debated commenting but I feel your friend's actions bear examining. I'm not a lawyer but I am a social worker at the bsw level.

First, the friend conducted an illegal search of the records. If you had chosen to take legal action against your abuser, it is unlikely that the action would have been successful as you found out about it illegally.

Secondly, the friend has also jeopardized her use in legal cases. If she is ever called to testify, the fact she broke the law previously can be used to discredit her as a witness in future cases.

The last comment I have, I don't understand why she searched the records illegally for information about you. Does she practice weekly, searching records for names she might know? Then, she shared the information with you. I'm not understanding her motivations here and the fact she did the records search illegally is sending up a red flag.

I hope you mention those things to your friend. She may have been trying to help but I am really concerned about the "illegally searched the records" part of what you wrote.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Oct 09, 2011
Friend
by: Anonymous

My friend worked for a company to do with child rights. She told me she was searching her friends names, all with no results, then found mine and that a file came up, so she looked at it etc. I was so angry at first, I know she could have gotten into a LOT of trouble, my parents were very angry but we did not pursue it. She no longer works for the company now. I know what she did was wrong but I am not worried about it anymore.

Oct 10, 2011
umm....
by: My Two Cents

I'm glad that you're ok with what your friend did, but I still am very concerned.

Your description of your friend going into the records and randomly searching for possible victims/survivors and predators among her acquintenances is just striking me as really creepy.

I don't know your friend. I don't understand her reasons. I hope there was nothing sinister in her actions.

Since she doesn't work for that agency anymore, I don't think it's an issue.

I hope I haven't offended you, it's just that the illegal search really bothered me and I wanted to comment on it.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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Child Abuse Story For My Sister

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I don't understand: 
I am really nervous about writing this, I am 52 years old and just found out my own father who I adored throughout my childhood sexually abused my sister it tore our family apart but now my sister wants it all forgotten and is pretending it did not happen, myself and my younger sister who is 45 years old cannot we cannot figure out why is she pretending this never happened I have been unable to function for months because of this and now everything seems okay to her.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 12, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's not unusual for a victim who has disclosed sexual abuse at the hands of a family member to either recant or to want everything to be forgotten. That's because of the way families respond: they blame the victim or they don't believe the victim, putting them in an extremely difficult position. Families all too often protect the abuser. Desperate to be reconnected with their family members after dealing with the negative aftermath of a disclosure, victims resort to what your sister resorted to. The challenge is that once the sexual abuse bell is rung, it cannot be un-rung. Please seek out some form of counselling for your confusion. Thank you for sharing your situation with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous69

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm almost 31 and I am only just coming to terms with the horrific abuse I suffered as a child. I escaped the abuse at 19 years old when I left home and threw myself into work and building a life for myself. I never considered getting any help or talking to anyone about what happened. As far as I was concerned...it was horrific but I had escaped and I was going to do everything to build a good life for myself. So, I put it all behind me. Well, at least I thought I had.
Fast forward to age 30 and I'm suffering from post traumatic stress - which has included some pretty bad anxiety (getting better) and, now, depression.
I'm not in the habit of talking about my childhood - but I feel I need to release some awful memories (I am doing this through trauma based CBT {Cognitive Behaviour Therapy} too).

I was physically and emotionally abused EVERY DAY. Each day was a fight for survival. I have had 19 years worth of abuse - I have no idea where to start. However...I thought I could record just a few of the memories on here. Might help me come to terms with what happened.

I have an older sister and a younger brother. My mother was an aggressive, abusive alcoholic who took pleasure in beating me, abusing me emotionally by bullying and torturing me.

My older sister, not surprisingly, started to develop a personality that was similar to my mother's. My older sister was very jealous of me and was a bully to me and my younger brother. Many times, she would torment my brother, and I would have to step in to defend him. Anyway, my sister used to follow us around, whispering insults, telling us how useless, fat, ugly we were. It was all very, very sinister, thinking back. We would be doing nothing in particular...maybe playing with toys, reading etc and my sister would be there in the background bullying us and taking great pleasure when one of us caved in and cried.

Anyway - this story relates to an incident when I was around 8 years old. Although my...issues are mainly with the abuse my mother forced on me, this incident involves my sister and my mother.

It was around 10pm and I remember sitting on a chair trying to do some school work. My sister was in the background, whispering her insults and with her usual bullying talk. After maybe an hour or so of taking it (I NEVER snapped back, I was very quiet as a child), I couldn't take it any more. So, I got up out of my chair and pushed her back onto the couch. I told her to leave me alone or she'd be sorry. My sister, obviously in shock of me standing up for myself, then started to scream and pretended to get very breathless (remember, I had only pushed her a few centimetres onto a couch). She then ran upstairs to her evil twin (my mother). I could hear her screaming that I had pushed her. Then everything went quiet. I had no idea what was happening...but I knew something wasn't right. I started to feel very uneasy and wondered why my mother wasn't running down the stairs with a weapon to abuse me with. Nothing happened, so I just sat and waited. After maybe 10 minutes of sitting, wondering why everything was so quiet, I heard my mother walking down the stairs. She didn't have a weapon in her hand so I figured she was just going to use her hands or her shoes to beat me. I didn't try to defend myself by explaining what really happened - by this point in my life, I understood that my mother hated me and I understood that she would always side with my sister because she was the one with the most pleasing behaviours (bullying, abuse, swearing, insults). Anyway. My mother approached me - I still sat on the chair. I braced myself for a beating and remember that I started shaking.
However, instead of beating me, she got down on her knees in front of me and told me I had just killed my sister. She told me that my sister's dead body was upstairs on her bed and that I had killed her.
She was very...I keep using this word - sinister. But she was, her eyes were staring, she was whispering and there seemed to be a slight smirk on her face. She was also drunk.
So...after hearing this, I went into some kind of shock. I remember saying, 'no...no...no...no', I felt like I was losing my vision and then I suffered a panic attack. I was terrified. My mother just sat there and watched me without saying a word. I remember shaking - everywhere and just kept saying, 'no...no...no!'. My mother then got up to go - what's sad about this is that I begged her not to leave me alone. She told me to 'f* off and that I had to stay downstairs whilst she sorted out the undertakers to get my sister's body and also, she said she had to call the police.
She left me and went upstairs. I heard her sobbing over my sisters body.
A few minutes later, although I couldn't stop shaking - the panic attack wore off and I entered into some kind of shock again...strange - it was like I was numb, staring, shaking. I know that I only pushed my sister on the couch, however, I just couldn't think rationally. As far as I was aware, I had murdered my sister and I couldn't stop thinking about her dead body upstairs on my mother's bed.
I knew the police were going to arrive soon. I imagined they would come before the undertakers. I started to think about stupid things like, will they let me put my shoes on or will they just burst through the door screaming and just grab me. A million thoughts went through my head...what will school say? I will be in a prison - what will people think of me? No matter what, I understood that I had killed my sister and that, at that moment, life was never going to be the same again.
So, I sat on the chair and waited for the police to come and get me. It was quiet again upstairs. I sat and waited...and waited. I was very, very anxious - thinking that at any minute, I'd hear the police car pull up the drive...however, they didn't come. I even considered shouting upstairs to my mother to ask when they were coming to get me, however, I kept thinking about my sister's dead body so decided to stay put. I waited and waited and nothing happened. I was still in a state of shock and high anxiety and was panicking regularly. But no police or undertakers showed up and it was still quiet upstairs. Eventually, exhausted and defeated, I fell asleep - still sat on the chair.
When I woke up, it was daylight. I didn't remember straight away what happened...but then it hit me - my sister's body was upstairs and I had killed her. I had another panic attack and then started to hear movement upstairs.
The door to the room I was in was closed and I could hear movement behind the door. At this point, I started crying and getting even more terrified - I thought it might be the undertakers and I didn't want to see them and my sister's dead body.
All of a sudden, the door opened. And there stood my mother and my sister. I remember seeing my sister and screaming, thinking she was a ghost and that she was coming to haunt me. I screamed and screamed and started jumping up and down hysterical on the couch but my mother and sister stood there staring with smirks on their faces.
My mother then told me to go get ready for school.
And that was the end of it.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anonymous69

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Oct 23, 2011
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your mother was not only twisted, she taught her daughter to be as well. Your mother "groomed" your sister to be violent and to be a bully, and then reinforced the behaviour by choosing to either ignore it or encourage it further. It's a form of abuse, a very insidious form, but a form of abuse nonetheless. By grooming your sister, your mother basically had someone to do her abusing for her when she wasn't around to do it herself. What your mother did to you that night was unfathomable, and nothing short of evil. The psychological damage she did was extensive. The fact that she gleaned pleasure from your reaction is utterly disturbing, and would have left you even more affected. It's no surprise that you hare now haunted by the memories and the effects. I learned a long time ago that burying our pain only serves to surface the effects, and that the only way to overcome the pain is through it. There is no circumventing that pain. Keep your Self open to the process of therapy, Anonymous, whatever form it takes in the moment. You're making progress...I hope you'll keep with it. You didn't deserve to be abused, mistreated and bullied. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Oct 23, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her, along with your equally sadistic sister, to beat, torture and berate you everyday...how dare he! Your mother is a really sadistic beast and if she didn't want to be there, she should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you with your sister together. The path that they and even your dad chose is inexcusable. Oh, and they're wrong. You are not fat; you are not ugly; you are beautiful. You are not stupid; you are smart and articulate. You are not useless; you are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you, along with your brother, were sadistically denied of, so never believe any of the lies that they were spewing. Oh, and I'm sure that this beast also abused your sister by teaching her to believe that it's OK to beat up on you as well? Oh, and making jokes about beating you really shows me how uneducated and ignorant they really are. They need to go to jail for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you and your brother did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; your so-called mother was the adult; she had all the power (while relinquishing some to your sister) and only misused it over you. I really hope that you and your brother are in a safe place now, far away from those cruelly insane brutes...and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Oct 24, 2011
torture
by: Tim L

The psychological manipulation and torture that your mother and sister put you through was truly despicable. They believed that a petty, insignificant discomfort0 of your sister (being lightly shoved back by one of her victims) was worth more than the harm caused to you on a daily basis; worth more than forcing you into a night of panic, despair, and horror. But they were wrong, and your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their immature, sick misery and ignorant ugliness.

I know what it means to have a sibling specially appointed by your parents to suck up any sense of joy, peace, or life you might have inside, and I'm so sorry you were put through that. These affirmations that you are just going to bury everything and put it behind you forever because you are just so strong is very common in our culture. But it always does come back to us--the minds needs openness, it needs to work through the trauma and release the burden. Thanks for sharing.

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Child Abuse Story From Amelia H

by Amelia H
(Location Unknown)

Moved by webmaster from comment thread: 
I am now 22 years old, Iv'e slept with over 60 guys before I turned 19, cheated on every guy ive dated, and I avoid emotional closeness even though I wanted it, but I find it hard to meet guys unless I am drunk and on drugs. Even though Im very attractive (I model) so its not a physical thing which makes it even weirder, and I also find it hard to meet friends. I can't make eye contact with people, its very difficult for me. I get anxious and tense when people are around and I sit inside all day when I can, playing video games. I avoid seeing people when they come over, and I hate being outside unless I am wearing sunnies and a hat. even at night sometimes. People make me angry. I wonder if this is normal.

I hate myself even though Im really pretty, I have cut my wrists and legs since I was 13 (only faint scars though, as I would avoid doing it cause mum would punish me for doing it, so I banged my head against walls instead and choked myself) and used to draw dead people since I was 10, and write gruesome poems which I won awards for. Even though I'm blonde, blue eyed and cute faced I am a gothic inside, haha. I try to hide it, you see. So dont ever judge on looks. People always judge me as being "up myself" because I'm hot, and find it strange to know I am self hating, depressive and anxious.

I suffer from anxiety, short temper, I used to beat up my toys and hurt kittens and dogs (I regret it now), I get extremely angry sometimes and start throwing things and screaming at my boyfriend (who I also slept with straight away when I met him, only he actually liked me for me and wanted to get to know me!) and he is very tolerant. If it wasnt for him id never know what love felt like, and id be much worse off than I am now, like I was before I met him. He has encouraged me to lay off the booze and gets me to be more social and happy, if he can.

I think about dying everyday, I have panic attacks, I am depressed 70 percent of the time, and for the past 10 years it added up to be a lifetime of depression so far.
I cant keep jobs, or friends, I can't pass school even though my teachers think Im gifted, because my moods are out of control and I think life is worthless. why study, we all die anyway? Life is just an accident of nature, nothing special.

While my parents would have physical fights when I was 2 onwards, I never saw or heard mum and dad have sex with each other- only other people, many many times over my lifetime.

When I was 9 I slept in the bed with my dad and his horrible girlfriend, and it was the only time and the last time I did (I forgot why, I was probably lonely or scared) and I woke up in the morning, and they had started having sex. I was completly awake by then because of the adrenaline of fear running through me, which probably doesnt help because that made me MORE alert and remember it more.His girlfriend said "how do you think other people in asia do it?" and stuff, justifying it and dad went for it. I disrespected him enormously after that and never knew why. He has bashed me twice in my life, and he also suffers depression, he doesnt mean to lose it.

We get on now, but whatever, Im depressed and the damage is done. My mum is also very distance (she was raped as a child by a relative) and I dont blame her for her own shortcomings. She tried her best with me. I disappointed her by being a "s**t and not finishing school" as she says.

She knows I witnessed her bf, and my dad, beating her, plus the alcoholism growing up, but doesnt know my dad had sex right next to me when I was 9, and that I saw him having graphic sex in our loungeroom multiple times with many women. His girlfriend who made him f**k her next to me also would do and say other sexual and yuck things in front of me as a child. I wonder if this explains my weird behaviour, because as a young kid I was so happy, until that happened. I went on to be in numerous abusive relationships and I was assaulted and sexually molested by guys my own age on many occasions, while I was sleeping etc but I blame myself.

I am "over it" so to say, but Im not really over it, because my personality has been coloured by this, as someone else explained. My whole life has been coloured by these experiences.

Both my parents are very clever (my mum is a lawyer and dad is an author)- albeit damaged emotionally, and raised me to be smart too, even though they also didn't realise what effects the abuse had on me. Maybe I am just sensitive and "tortured" like all artists, or do I have valid reasons to be messed up? Can I heal this? I hate being lonely and scared all the time. I want to open up but I just freeze when I am around people and start gritting my teeth. I dont know why I am so crazy.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Amelia H

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Oct 24, 2011
Amelia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Child abuse is the number 1 reason why you're depressed and have anxiety attacks, and deal with all the other repercussions. Child abuse on many levels. Don't be so quick to blame seeing the sex going on, though that and the way in which it was handled, combined with so many other forms of abuse changed who you were. The emotional abuse leaves the deepest scars. These are the scars that keep opening as though they are fresh wounds because after your parents and the adults you care about emotionally abused you, you took the torch from them because you believed the lies they told. You are NOT those lies, Amelia. As long as you believe those lies, nothing will change in your life. You had deeply disturbed parents, parents who were stuck in their own childhoods, parents that didn't know how to be parents because of being stuck. You paid the price for that. But now you must make different choices for your Self, choices that your parents didn't make. You ARE smart and articulate. You have it in you, Amelia. But you need help processing all of what happened to you, and then help gaining the tools and resources you need to get beyond the pain of where you are now. You're not crazy...you're dealing with the effects of sustained abuse. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with these effects. And stop harming your Self. You're worthy of so much more. Start by treating your Self with the dignity, respect and love your parents didn't know how to provide you. Reach out for the help you need. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Oct 30, 2011
The Big Man Upstairs
by: Anonymous

the only thing that comes to mind when i read your story is God. Jesus. He can fix all of this if you only let him. no, he can't erase your past. he can't erase everything you've witnessed and the mistakes made in your family. but you knoe what he can do? restore you. right now he could make you stronger. he could help you to feel beautiful. he can erase all of your mistakes that you've made. if you open up your heart and just say "God, make me clean." he will then and there. you have to give your life to him. you have to trust him. he is perfect and you are his workmanship and his work of art. he handcrafted you, all the details. you are his creation and only wants the best for you. i dont know you personally, but i love you... in a non-creepy way. we are all brothers and sisters on ths earth. I love YOU. GOD LOVES YOU. <3

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Child Abuse Story From Unhappy and Resentful Mom

by Unhappy and Resentful Mom
(Texas, USA)

Sexual Abuse...my nephew hurt my son: 
On Wednesday this past week me, my son and daughter went to Wal-Mart. We got out of my truck and saw my mother, sister, and my mother's bestfriend walking down the same row of cars we were on. I diverted my children from them because I don't speak to them anymore. We were in there maybe 15 min and went to pick my oldest son up from high school. We got home and my 8 year old son asked to speak to me. He proceeded to ask me if I remember my sister and her son and then said he's gay. I asked why and he said when he was 4 he put his penis in his mouth. I freaked out in my head but consoled my son. When he was 4 and my daughter was 5 I kept my nephew so my sister could go to a Christmas party in another town. I came home from work @ about 730pm. I sold cars at the time. I brought home pizza for them. I talked to my husband for a few minutes and went inside, when I walked in my 4 year old walked around the corner with his pants undone and he was pulling them up. I asked what he was doing and my nephew said he had to go to the bathroom so he helped him. My 4 year old said no you did this. I freaked out and made him go outside. I called my sister to come get him and went searching my house. I found condoms, which no one in our home used at the time, plastic tampon applicators in my daughters closet. We all confronted him and he admitted to "touching" them. I'm scared my daughter has repressed her memories just like my son did until recently @ Wal-Mart. She was diagnosed with adhd and anxiety disorder and takes meds daily. I wonder if she could be repressing too. Why did he remember that? I want my nephew to fry for this. I'm having a hard time with dealing and its starting to consume me. I don't know if should I have my 9 year old daughter checked to see if her hymen is broken.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 05, 2011
To Unhappy Mom:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The fact that the abuse was never reported when it first happened makes it extremely difficult to prove after all this time. It's the word of your child(ren) over the word of another. Without evidence, not much can usually be done. However, if there have been other reports of sexual abuse, that would only help your case, and that of the other parties. And just for the record, it's a myth to expect a 4-year-old to not remember trauma. Some don't, but many do. Repressed memories surface for a multitude of reasons: a jogged memory, like with your son after seeing your family members at WalMart; reaching a certain age or stage in one's life. Now that your son does remember, do what you must in order to protect him and get him the help he needs. The fact that you've stopped all contact with your family is a good thing under the circumstances. But that isn't enough to protect your children from any repercussions. Taking your daughter in to see if her hymen is broken will only tell you whether or not her hymen is broken. It won't tell you how it was if it is. And if you try to force memories with your daughter, you'll create a lot of problems for her and for any possible case against this child sex offender. Report what your son told you, then report what you know about your daughter. Let the investigators do the investigating. Beyond this comment, there really isn't much I can offer you. I'm sorry, but I created this site for people to be heard. Given the various laws around the world, I cannot give advice that can help you on the legal front. You'll have to consult a lawyer and CPS to determine what recourse, if any, you have. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I wish you and your children all the best.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 06, 2011
Re: hymen
by: Anonymous

Yes -- please don't take your daughter to see if her hymen is broken. As Darlene said, it won't prove anything about how it broke if it is broken, but to do exam could definitely be traumatizing.

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Child Abuse Story From Carrie

by Carrie
(Alabama, USA)

I was adopted when I was only three days old, when I was three my mother pulled me across a parking lot leaving huge cuts on my knees and she was called for child abuse but the police did nothing about i becUse they had no prove of this and I denied the abuse because I had no idea what was gojng on.....My mother never truly loved me when I was old enough to understand she told me that I was adopted and was not hers. I am fifteen years old now and a lot has changed. in eighth grade my best friend told me that my mom was not right.My mother ysed to scream and yell at me and call me worthless and say I was nothing. In seventh grade I was only a few min late to her car and on the way home she began hitting me and pulling my hair while driving and when I cried she would only laugh and say that i needed to stop crying becauze it was a sign of weakness. After my frined told me I knew I had to tell an adult and I couldnt tell my father because he only just protected her. i told my teachser about it my teacher did all she could but she said I would have to tell someone in my family and thats when i drew the line. During this i began to cut my wrists because it made the pain go away. My friend made me stop the cutting for a while but during the summer I got into a car wreck and my aunt is my chiropractor and my friend made me tell my aunt about my moms abuse. At first my aunt could do jothing I thought it would be the same as last time just having someone to talk to about my mother and father but it wasnt. My dad found out about everything and I told him I wanted my mother gone because she was hurting me but he couldnt let her go. i began cutting cutting again onowinv that it would be like all my Parents other fights when my mom would screAm and yell and my dad would just forgive her like what she did had no negative affect on me. I began having to live with my aunt and uncle because of the law and my counseler believed I shouldnt see my mother. i stopped the cutting because my aunt and uncle told me I couldnt stay If I countinued and I did not want to go back home. me and my aunt got really close and my dad finally sae how terrible my mother got it was gojng well until my dad started guilting me about not going home and ruining everyones life thats when I began to cut on my hips my friend told my aunt about the cuts and she always asks me about them and the other night she began to cry saying that she hated when I did it and I felt so terrible I felt as if I was ruining everyoned life just as my dad had said and I am beginning to now have severe suividal thoughts but never act in them. Life Isnt very easy anymore I dont feel like i ever got to be a real kid.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Carrie

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Nov 08, 2011
Carrie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're right, you've never had the opportunity to be a kid. Most of the adults in your life have let you down in one way or another. The teacher that told you you have to tell your family gave you the wrong information. It was her mandatory duty to report what you told her to the proper child protective authorities. The fact that she put the onus on you was inappropriate. She abandoned and betrayed you in much the same way the rest of your family did. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. The fact is, you can't change what happened, you can only control how YOU'RE going to respond. You can choose to live in a way that keeps getting you into more trouble, in a way that is self-destructive, or you can choose another path. A path that treats your Self with the dignity respect and love you feel as though you've never gotten. But you can't really believe that any longer because you actually DO have two people in your life who DO love you and care very deeply about you. Your father doesn't know what he's talking about when he guilts you into believing you're ruining the family. You're not. Period. End of story. He's stuck in his own childhood, using your youth and vulnerabilities against you. Choose NOT to believe the lies, because they ARE lies, Carrie. When you cut yourself, you treat your Self the way most everyone has. Change the pattern. Lean on your aunt and uncle to help you...they are trying their very best to give you a happy loving home. They can't erase the past, and neither can you. You can only embrace the present moment and treat each day as an opportunity to blossom even more into the beautiful person that you already are. You ARE loved, Carrie. Always remember that. Maybe you're not being shown love by the people you want to show you, but that doesn't make you any less lovable. Love your Self first. I know you can do it. Just believe it, because when you do, the cutting and other self-harm will stop, and then the rest will fall into place. You're worth it, Carrie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 09, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Carrie, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! She is a truly sadistic brute...and if she didn't want to be there, she should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that she and your dad chose is inexcusable. Oh, and she is wrong. You are not "nothing"; you are a somebody, a person, a human being. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of, so never believe any of those lies that she was spewing. Mothers who abuse their own daughters are one of the real abusers. Oh, and laughing at you for crying and then making jokes about beating on you/making you cry really shows me how uneducated and ignorant she really is; everybody cries. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for her immature, sick, sadistic misery (she is miserable because she chose to be that way) as well as her uneducated, ignorant ugliness. She needs to go to prison for all those terrible crimes that she committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for her sadistic, immature, miserable, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you are in a safe place now (maybe with your aunt and uncle), that you tell someone you really trust, that you try counselling, and that you look into reporting that sadistic beast of a mother. Oh, and say "no" to suicide (yes, even your aunt and uncle don't like that when you talk about doing so) because suicide is really a permanent solution to most temporary problems and doing so will only let that sad, tragic woman win, so don't do that.

Oct 26, 2012
TO you
by: Diamond

I 100% DO NOT agree with the police they should have belived you. and with the high rate of abuse now it's hard to belive they didn't belive you. nobody deserves to be treated like that and i know what your going through hang in there.

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Child Abuse Story From Jacob

by Jacob
(Virginia, USA)

WARNING: GRAPHIC VIOLENCE DEPICTED: 
My dad hit me and told things that put me down, everyday. Now, I'm fifteen. He's been abusing me ever since I entered preschool. My mom never knew about it, my older brother didn't believe me, and my sister just laughed when I told her. Yes, I'm a sophomore in high school, so I always thought telling someone would be childish and pointless... but until now, I've been hiding my story...

I'm scared of him. The man that comes in through the front door at 3:00 PM everyday, in a suit with his tie properly in place. Everyone looked up to him- respected him. He was the 'ideal' father, that everyone loved. He was a psychologist, which was pretty ironic. His eyes were as cold as ice, and his hands three times bigger than mine. I always had small hands. Sometimes, when I see him, my whole entire body just starts trembling and shivering. I can't even lay my eyes off him, or move from a place. He would walk down the main hallway, and into the living room where I usually am doing my homework.

When my mom isn't home and when my siblings were at tutoring, he would always hit me. When he knows I get anything under 95% on something, he hits me. When I don't do something right, he hits me. When he's mad or upset, he hits me. And the times where I don't get all A's in school, he beats me to no end. There were bruises, scratches and scars all over my body. I'm always too scared to change in the guy's locker room at school, so I got excused from gym. I never wore shorts or short sleeves or flip flops, because my arms, legs, and feet would be covered in 'violence.' Yesterday, was the day I couldn't handle it anymore.

He came in, his feet stomping on the ground, shoving a piece of paper into my face. My father asked what that was, and I took the paper and read it. When I was halfway done, my eyes widened and my mouth was agape. My heart was beating so fast- yet dying at the same time. Sweat was starting to form on my forehead. I looked up at him, with hopelessness and fear. My hands trembled, and I dropped the paper. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and raised me into the air, my toes barely touching the floor. His mouth was wide and open, spit flying out. I didn't hear any words, because all I could think of was the pain that I would feel any moment soon. He shook me violently, my neck cracking and his nails in my skin. Throwing me onto the floor, he fiercely walked to the kitchen, and pulled out a wooden baseball bat from behind the fridge. I stared at it, my eyes beginning to water and burn. I had to run. My legs twitched, and I stood up, walking backwards until my back hit the wall. My father stepped closer and closer to me, his fist clenching the bat. I got onto my knees, and begged him for forgiveness. I didn't want him to hit me. Not again. Tears left my eyes like water breaking open a dam. My words were trailing off into 'Don't do this' and 'Don't hit me.' My hands covered my head- it was an instinct. I could hear the sound of the bat being raised quickly into the air, and I braced myself. The burning sensation of the bat pounding onto my back made me fall flat onto the ground, and I cried out. He kept on hitting me, stronger and with more force after every strike. The pain slowly grew into numbness, and soon, he stopped. My father dropped the bat onto the ground, his breathing heavy and fast. My crying and whimpering deafened me, as I could only make out the 'idiot,' 'useless,' and 'dumbf**k's that he yelled out. My back was tingling and aching, my body sore and stinging. He told me to stand up, so I did, not looking at his face. His hand slapped my right cheek and I stumbled over my steps, banging my waist onto the corner of the computer desk. I crouched over in pain, and my father punched me in the face and stomach. I tumbled over and laid on the ground, coughing and unable to move. My body was still trembling. Blood left from my mouth and onto the floor, which I had to clean up later. Content with his punishment, he yelled out something once more, and walked out of the living room, leaving me alone in pain.

This would happen to me every week, at worse three times a week. My fear and weakness drove me to become a mouse, and he was a tiger. The beatings he would give me, I never understood what they meant or why he did them. But today, I'm telling someone my life, my pain and the only thing I am afraid of. My father. Thank you for reading this. It feels good to 'tell' someone. Tomorrow I'm going to tell the police. I'm going to be free from his little leash that pulled me toward his abuse.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jacob

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Nov 14, 2011
Jacob:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I do hope you have disclosed to the proper authorities and Child Protective Services what is happening to you. I hope you showed them the bruises and all the marks. I don't know how the rest of your family wouldn't know this is happening, even if they're not present during the beatings. There still would be signs. The fact is, you're in grave danger staying in the same house as this abuser. The violence will escalate and intensify. If you haven't already told, tell. And keep telling until someone listens to you. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the severe abuse you are dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be abused, Jacob. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being abused. Reach out for all the resources available to you. You're too worthy not to. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 14, 2011
You hold the key to your survival and recovery
by: Jill

Jacob,
All I can say is my oh my, how terrifying to be in your shoes alone with this man. I can relate to your story because my father and mother were also such a clean-cut suit and tie people, but behind closed doors they were the exact opposite. It's so confusing because everyone outside sees your parent as this great guy when obviously he's not. Your dad is the Jeckyll/Hyde parent, hiding a very disturbed part of himself from himself and most people. His personality sends out intense signals to others not to push him because he'll fight or flee in order to preserve his false image of himself as the "Psychologist". If anyone gets too close, and he's triggered, as you have seen, he loses his composure. Your family is unconsciously hiding from this man, living a fantasy to preserve themselves. You're the only one who hasn't hid from him. You understand he has a problem, and he didn't like that you could see it.

Your father's a child trapped in a man's body. Inside he never grew up. It's likely that he was abused as a child. Being alone with you triggers his memory of disappointment in himself. His inexcusable behavior is never your fault, never your problem, and always his responsibility. I'm so glad you are ready to help yourself find a way out of the cycle of his abuse. No child should ever be treated this way. You have the right and responsibility to be treated with dignity. You need to live in a loving, safe home every day of your life. You hold the key to your survival and recovery. Please follow Darlene's advice. I will add that in addition to reporting and physically documenting your abuse, it's important that you are never alone with him again.

Nov 15, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Jacob, I can't believe that your mom, along with your brother and sister, would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a father and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare they! Shame on them for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that beast! It's their job (especially your mom's job, to be exact) to protect you and they abandoned it BIG TIME. Oh, and as for the homework and perfection parts, did I even mention that he even set you up for failure? That's not education; that's just torture. That's not even about teaching you skills nor is it about helping you with your homework; that's just all about power and control. He is a manipulative brute and I'm sorry to even believe that he really wanted you to fail just so he could keep controlling you. The path that he, along with your mom, brother and sister, chose is inexcusable. Oh, and he is wrong. You are not a dumbf*** (sorry for the language); you are not an idiot; you are not stupid; you are smart and articulate. You are not useless; you are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of, so never believe any of those lies that he is spewing. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for his immature, sick, sadistic misery. Oh, and as for the clean-cut suit and tie thing; I can relate; my parents, too, are the clean-cut suit and tie people when it comes to going out in public, but at home, only one person will see the reality. You did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for his sadistic, ignorant behavior; he is to blame because he chose to abuse you. You were the child; he was the adult; he has all the power. Oh, and I'm glad that you decided to look into reporting him to the police.

Nov 15, 2011
To Jacob
by: G.F.

Jacob, my heart goes out to you at having to endure that kind of horrible abuse at the hands of your father. No person should ever know that kind of fear or feel that kind of pain. I very much hope you did go to the police with this and that this action will end this horrific experience for you. Be strong, dear Jacob. There is help out there for you.

Nov 16, 2011
fight through the trouble can make you strong.
by: Anonymous

Sorry that you had to go through the pain.Sorry that you where as lonely as you were.That kills me that you went through all that pain and there was no one else there for you.Thats hurtful that your father did you so wrong.Have you ever asked your self "why".Why do you have to be torcherd. look all i can say is that one day you would make it through. you can be strong and grow from the pain that your father put you through. you just have to be strong.my wishies go out to you that you do tell someone that can help you.

Nov 25, 2011
to Jacob
by: Anonymous

Please please do not take this the wrong way what i have to say to you . I am in no way minimizing your pain but when I read your ordeal I did happen to notice that you have an excellent style of writing. Your tribulations may have triggered the eloquent way you express your self. I think when you work through all of this I would advice you into looking into writing , something you are very good at. I love writing it is a great way of healing the pain and it could end up being a good skill in your future.

Mar 04, 2012
SORRY
by: Anonymous

Oh. My. God. I started crying. I felt so bad!! I've never been abused before but my boyfriend has .. anyways, I'm so sorry that happened to you. You don't deserve to go through that most of the time they just beat you because they feel like it, you didn't do anything wrong and that's really sad that you had to go threw that but seriously no joke I was crying so hard. Hope you get free.

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Child Abuse Story From Corina M

by Corina M
(Nevada, USA)

I just turned 36 and it hit me hard! I have been free for 18 years, but after 16 years of abuse as a child I have made little progress emotionally. I am discouraged that I am still so affected by what happened so long ago. My natural father abandoned my mother when he found out she was pregnant with me. My mother married when I was 18 months old and that man adopted me when I was 5. My earliest memory is when I was about 2 and my mom held me out the window high in the air above a dumpster and threatened to throw me away, for not being potty trained. My "dad" hit me frequently, from as early as I can remember. I have a sister who is 2 years younger than me and my parents always punished me for anything she did wrong, because I was older and responsible for her actions.
I remember bedroom inspections a couple of times a week when we were 5-18 yrs old. If my dad was in a bad mood from work he would do a "bedroom inspection" and find some minimal thing out of place in order to beat us and call us pigs or other demeaning things. My dad is a clean freak and everything in the house had to be perfect. My sister and I always felt that he looked for reasons to hit us, because he enjoyed it. We were both overly willing to please and tried so hard to be perfect, but it was never good enough. I stole a pack of gum from the store when I was 4 and my mom found it in my room. She told my dad and he beat me so bad I couldn't walk or sit. I remember flying across the room and hitting my back on my dresser and falling to the floor. When I was 9 I wanted glasses and tried to fool the eye doctor, which didn't work. When my dad found out I lied, he beat me severely, and made me sit in the corner in my room for 3 days. He would throw hotdogs at me and say "You act like and animal so you will eat like an animal!" I ate, and slept in that corner for three days. I wasn't allowed bedding or to shower or change my clothes and I could only use the bathroom when my mother would escort me. I resented my mother for not standing up for me. In my early teen years, my grades started slipping, I suffered from terrible head aches and stomach problems. At 14 I had a test done on my stomach which revealed I had ulcers from stress. I turned to food to comfort me and gained a little weight and my dad would call me terrible names. I was sick every day, I was made to get a job at 14 and I was also made to hand every one of my checks over to my dad, never seeing a dime. We lived in the wealthy neighborhood, my parents had plenty of money but insisted on spending as little as possible on us. We were both teased at school for the clothing we wore. I was never socially accepted at school, because I was so quiet and that has followed me in my adult years. I am a social outcast, I feel very uncomfortable around people, and am always worried about what other people think or that I am not offending them in any way. When I was 14 I had to have my wisdom teeth extracted, which required being put to sleep. Some very strange things happened, The doctor made a comment about my nice teeth(in a creepy way), all of the doctors staff left while I was still in the back, I was extremely out of it when I woke up. I had to be carried to the car by the doctor. And I told my mom that my chest hurt, like the doctor had been sitting on me. She didn't think much of it, and a year later it came out that the oral surgeon was being sued by multiple patients for sexually abusing them while "Under". As soon as I heard this I got a sick feeling and KNEW that this had happened to me too. I told my mom that I wanted to tell my story to the law, and she told me to let it go. My parents didn't want to deal with the embarrassment this could cause. My dad kicked me out of the house a few times from 13-16 for things like my grades, or once for not hanging my bath towel back up properly. Once it was snowing and as I walked up the driveway not sure where I was going, I heard my mom call my name. I turned around relieved that she was finally going to stick up for me. She said "Don't forget your jacket." I started running away when I was 16 and spent most of my last two years as a child in juvenile hall, which was so much better than home. These are just a few of the wretched memories of my childhood. I was told over and over that I was a disgrace to the family, failure, filthy pig, embarrassment, disappointment. My sister tried to slit her wrists with a razor when she was 14 and the school contacted my parents. My dad said to her "How could you do this to me! Your such an embarrassment." My sister was the only person that loved me and my heart broke when he said that to her. Now we are adults and we both have many emotional problems. We also have a brother who's 10 years younger than me. All three of us hate to be touched. My brother and sister can't even sleep in the same bed with their spouses. I had my first baby at 20 after 2 miscarriages. I wanted nothing more than to have a baby that would love me unconditionally. Now my beautiful daughter is 15 and my perfect son is 13. They are happy and well adjusted although my son is very shy, but seems to be growing out of it. I am so proud of my perfect babies! My mother divorced my father when I was 18 and we have repaired our relationship. I stopped talking to my dad when I was pregnant with my daughter and after she was born I decided to forgive and forget. So we had a decent relationship, although he still tends to put me down. My father has always been an alcoholic, but became a fall down drunk about a year ago. I have worked very hard to leave my awful childhood in the past, but since he got "sick" a lot of things seemed to resurface. I have a great husband and two perfect children, but I am still so unhappy inside. I honestly don't think I really know what it means to be happy and feel at peace. Why am I so affected still by the way I was treated? Why do I always put everyone else's needs in front of mine? Why would I destroy myself to try to fix my drunken father after the way he's always made me feel? Why do I feel so insignificant? I'm a great mother and I know that...my perfect children are proof of that for me. So why can't I just be proud of myself for the things I have accomplished, instead of always thinking negatively about myself. My kids bedrooms are both a nightmare, but I can't bring myself to make them clean them. Am I hurting my kids by not making them keep their space clean? I'm a 36 year old emotional mess!! and very disappointed in myself for not being able to relax and be happy. My husband and kids are overly happy, and I feel like I just can't keep up with them emotionally.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Corina M

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Oct 01, 2011
Corina:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Emotional scars are the deepest and the most challenging to heal from. When you ask yourself the kinds of questions you're asking, the questions about why can't I heal, you're judging yourself in the same way your father judged you. You've basically taken the torch from him. Our stories are similar. Different, but similar enough that I completely understand from where you're coming. Both my parents were clean "freaks"...but I learned later in my life that it wasn't about being clean, it was about power and control. The power and control they didn't have as children, they stole from their children in order to lash out for what they never had. It's not that they wanted to feel better about themselves; it's that they were out of control themselves, unable to see clearly. And we were their victims, victims who were utterly powerless. Corina, it wouldn't have mattered how perfect anything was done, it could never be perfect enough because what they did to us was tied into their rage. They looked for excuses to do what they did, not so much because they enjoyed doing it, but rather because they kept seeking the power and control they'd never had. YOU, however, chose differently. YOU chose to learn from what you endured, and make a life that was healthy for your children. I comment and applaud you, Corina. You can be SO proud of what you've accomplished, in spite of what you were forced to endure. And now you have a choice. You can chose to berate yourself, or you can instead seek out some form of counselling in order to help you to deal with the repercussions of coming from such a horrendous environment. You're certainly worthy of such help. As for your children's messy bedrooms, setting a reasonable standard for them is a good thing that will help them in their adult life. They need to learn responsibility; and you can do that with reasonable chores, including cleaning their bedrooms. Just remember that cleaning does not have to be to the extreme or pass an impossible inspection; it only has to ensure the place is not condemned. Choosing to teach your children in this way is healthy for them, and can be very therapeutic for you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Oct 01, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Corina, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your so-called parents were so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they didn't even know how to take care of themselves, not to mention be parents to you. They were sadistic brutes too and they should go to prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. Oh, and they're wrong. You are not a disgrace to the family; you are an asset of the family. You are not a failure; you are perfect just as you were. You are not a filthy pig; you are beautiful. You are not an embarrassment; you are not a disappointment; you are a miracle, so never believe any of the lies that they were spewing. Oh, and as for your mother running away from you instead of protecting you from her slimy husband, a mother who would choose such a vicious, sadistic beast over her own precious daughter is the kind of mother who didn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. Oh, and throwing a hot-dog at you, calling you an "animal" and even making jokes about it really shows me how uneducated and ignorant they really are. Oh, and you are not responsible for their abuse; you are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that your husband is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling.

Oct 03, 2011
I am taking charge of my own life's destiny: I can: I will: I must : because I am WORTH it:
by: maurice

Corina I ain't daft saying that to you: Begin again to believe in your beautiful and wonderful self: Hi YOU have two wonderful and beautiful children to live with and for: Thay will be your LOVE: your inner strength to get up and going again: Live Well: Laugfh Often: LOVE much beginning with yourself and passing onto your children: Hug and cuddle yourself: Above all read Darlene's words to you from her woman's heart to yours: Women are great at empatising with each other in each others pain: She has overcome abuse, she has done it so she can empower you in her comment, she know you will succeed and be success full in overcoming the emotional effects of all that horrific abuse of you and you sister: At 36 Corina you still can have ahealthy mind in a healthy body: So get out there with like minded women your own age and take part in sporting and cultural activities: It will open up a whole new way at you seeing yourself and life: You are Lovable Exactly as you are: Valueable I make a difference: Unique and Unrepeatable: You'll be a winner start living your lifeto the full each day you jump out of bed into the shower: Be enthaustic about living and loving: I will I can I must because I am WORTH it:

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Child Abuse Story From John

by John
(Boston, Massachusetts, USA)

Broken Glass: 
From the earliest remembrance I have of my childhood I was emotionally and physically abused. I was born to southern parents who believed in swift physical discipline so as a young boy I recall beatings with switches and belts that left me physically and emotionally scarred. In fact, the physical beatings were almost always accompanied by verbal shots at my self esteem. I was physically abused by my mother and my father, but the worst was probably the verbal and emotional abuse I took from my mother. I was told by her that, "you'll never have nothin', and you'll never be nothin'." Or, "you can't do nothin' right!". And lets not forget this one, "you destroy everything you put your hands on!". With amazing clarity I lived out every word that she spoke, and my life unfolded just exactly as she had predicted. Toward me my mother was cold, insensitive and aloof. She never hugged me, never kissed me, never displayed any show of love or affection toward me and as a result I'm not sure I know how to show love or receive it. Also, my father showed even less affection than she did toward me. This is how it was for me till the time I no longer lived with them at home. I can recall when I was in high school, being beaten by my father with his fists so severely that he split my face, and left me dazed and streaming with blood. On one occasion as a very young boy in grade school, my mother hit me with the buckle of a belt in the eye, such that my eye was swollen and closed. She never showed any signs of remorse, nor has she ever expressed regret for her actions. But back in the early seventies not much attention was paid to such things, not even in schools. Once, my dad got me out of bed around four or five in the morning in my pajamas and put me in his vehicle where he transported me to a remote area of a city park and he beat me until he was satisfied. On another occasion I was stomped and beaten with a broom handle. As a young boy I lived in constant fear of my parents who made it abundantly clear that nothing I ever did was pleasing to them. Everyday I lived with the realization that I would experience this terror at the hands of the people who claimed that this was for my good! These were church going people who claimed to love the Lord, yet didn't seem able to express that same love of Christ for me. I would beg God to kill them and rid my life of these terrible people. As a child I had no way of rationalizing what was happening to me, I just knew that I wanted it to stop. Around the age of twelve I turned to drugs as a way to self medicate and stop the pain that I was going through, but it only made my life spiral out of control. Now as a forty something adult, I still suffer the lingering affects of my past. My desire now is to be free!!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From John

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Nov 23, 2011
John:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I too had to learn that all those nasty names my mother called me were lies. Every one of them. I started by writing down all my positive qualities. And when I couldn't write anything but the negative stuff I'd been told and been living, I took out another sheet of paper and wrote it out. Then I immediately wrote the exact opposite on another sheet. I didn't fight the fact that the negative kept coming out. I just countered it with the opposite, even when I didn't really believe it myself. And then, in order to fuse the truth into my own mind, I took each of the positives and wrote out 3 things I'd done to make those positive qualities the truth. Sometimes only one would come to mind, so I'd find things I could do to make it the truth. But usually, I could find way more than just 3 things. Eventually, I started to see my Self in a much more positive light, and the negative just seemed to fall away. This is but one exercise you can do, John. Consider some form of counselling or therapy to help you deal with all the repercussions of coming from such a violent and loveless home. And know that you ARE lovable and worthy of dignity and respect. Always. Even broken glass has beauty when formed into a mosaic. It's all in how we see things; and each of us has the ability and gift to look at things differently. That's when true change enters into our lives. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 24, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

John, what sick, sadistically insane, deluded parents that you had to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare they! That's not discipline; that's just torture and I'm pretty sure that they even set you up for failure. They were manipulative people and I'm sorry to even believe that they really wanted you to fail just so they could keep controlling you. If they didn't want to be there, they should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that they chose is inexcusable. Oh, and all those nasty things that they told you are nothing but lies. Mature, stable adults don't beat nor berate anyone, especially their own precious children; only mentally sick, deeply disturbed people would resort to such childish tactics. Your parents were really acting like little three-year-old kids trapped in grown-up bodies because they must've been stuck in their own childhood. Oh, and did I mention that they even used religion in their sadistic purposes of abusing you as well? That's not devotion; that's just despicable. Anyway, you are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that you are in a safe place now, far away from those sadistic beasts; I just really hope that you try counselling.

Dec 05, 2011
broken glass
by: Anonymous

Just the general environment you lived in reminds me of my experiences. I am obsessed these days - at age 58 with the way violence sneaked up on me as a child. I hit a girl with a hammer to the head when i was six. My parents were beating each other up pretty good when I was that age. Just violent reactions existed all around me. My mother and father hit each other brutally. right now I am remembering. The sun is shining brightly on this late fall day and all I see is darkness... I am in a black hole - the Internet says astronomers have found the biggest black holes yet in the Universe - 10 billion times the size of our sun in a galazy 300 light years away. I think they found me. My memories are as sharp as the outlines of the tree leaves in the sun... I can see way back into the past and SEE every slap of the face I witnessed, the black and blue marks on my Mother's face, her smelling of alcohol and sex... coming down the stairs of our "perfect villa" we were renting in the South of France. She slapped a friend of mine, an admiral's daughter, for messing up my bedroom. A year later she was dead in a car accident in which my father was driving. He survived. He was a pilot and had skills that kept him alive as the car overturned. He called himself a "battered husband". I can believe it. I hit four innocent people in my life after that: female friend; a Jewish boy who wouldn't say the "Our Father" when it was being said in schools, and my step mother and little sister. I am not proud of any of it. I LEARNED it. WELL.
I feel like a black hole of bad memories today. O wonder if it will ever get better.

Dec 05, 2011
broken glass
by: emily L

What a miracle you are! Living to tell... you might want to read Immaculee Iligabiza's book about surviving the Rwanda genocide called "Left to Tell". It helps me to read about other people's surviving violence. And she preaches and teaches FORGIVENESS in a HUGE way...
I resent my experiences with violence as a child because I BECAME like what I witnessed of violence. I slapped four people when I was younger and feel awful for it still. At age 58...
I think of other people who have survived abusive lives: people who go public with it who are in the public eye. recently DArrell Hammond told his story and Chevy Chase, Mike Farrell have stories about abuse. I have a neighbor I can talk with about my experiences and I go to Alanon (the organization for FAMILIES of alcoholics) because my parents both drank. My early life is full of despair and anger coming from my parents. I try to reach out to God as a God of compassion and love... I hope you can do that too.

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Child Abuse Story From Catherine

by Catherine
(Colorado, USA)

Hell in a Home: 
I am 14 years old and I am abused. I'm trying to prove it to myself, so I looked up child abuse and this website came up. I decided to share what is happening to me. When I was 5 years old, my mom had an affair and left my dad. They got a divorce, and my dad was really angry. He started beating me like his dad used to beat him, and I had no idea what was going on. He would slap me, drag me across the room by my hair, shake me, and stuff like that. At the same time, my new stepdad would beat me with a belt and give me bruises. My mom would then start emotionally abusing me, telling me she wished I was never born, giving me excessive chores while she sat and smoked in her room, and yelling at me all the time telling me I was stupid and stuff like that. My mom and stepdad had twins when I was 8 and i raised the two girls all by myself. A year ago, my stepbrother who is 12 raped my half sister who is 6, and now he lives with his mom and his older sister who was sent to her mother's when my mother beat her with a belt and left a mark on her face when she was 10 years old. She is now currently 17. Have I mentioned that my mom and my dad are bipolar? No? Well i have now, except my dad refuses to admit it and doesn't take medication for it. Not that medication helps, because as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't My mom has also tried to commit suicide three times in her life. None of my parents, or whatever you would call them since I pretty much raised myself after 5, know or will let anyone convince them that they are doing anything wrong. I have 7 brothers and sisters, and they have all been abused at some point in their life. I am currently still living there and am only posting this because I would like my voice heard, even if all hope is lost. Believe me, it is, because when I was in second grade, I told my story to the principal and even talked to a Child Services worker, but it never got farther than that. I don't even know what happened. But I do know that I am stuck here for the next 4 years. At first, when I would tell my friends what goes on at my house, they would try and give me solutions, but soon realized there was nothing to be done and just tried to be supportive. I am not asking for your pity, or your advice, but I just ask that you listen to a 14 year old girl who has nowhere to go other than where she is now, in her own personal little Hell.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Catherine

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Nov 14, 2011
Catherine:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Hope is never truly lost. We think we lose hope, but it's still there to be found again. Always. And sometimes it comes in ways we least expect. Though you're in a home life that is abusive, there are people you can turn to for help. I don't know what happened when you first disclosed to CPS. There's no way to know if they did an investigation (which they were obligated to do) and determined that nothing could be proven or something else. Often, people say that nothing was done, but what they're really saying is that what they expected to happen wasn't done, namely to be removed from the home. Very few children are removed from the home. But no matter what they did or didn't do, it hasn't helped you; and now you're facing more abuse without the benefit of the help you need. Please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be mistreated, Catherine. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you are. Call the hotline. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 15, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Catherine, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your parents are so twisted and messed up in their own ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves, not to mention be parents to you. They don't know how to love even themselves; all they ever know is hate so they should've known better and loved and cherished you. Oh, and your so-called mom is wrong. you are not stupid; you are smart and articulate, so never believe any of those lies that she, or any other abuser of yours, is spewing. Mature, stable adults don't do such childish tactics, such as screaming in your face 24/7, calling you names, beating and berating you, using you as a slave, let alone while sitting on the couch and smoking/drinking heavily, even telling their precious kids that they wished that they [the children] had never been born, etc. You did nothing wrong. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their immature, sick, sadistic misery. You are not to blame for their sadistic behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. Plus, something's seriously wrong with them. You were the child; they were the adults; they have all the power and only continue to misuse that power over you, so please tell someone you really trust (yes, that includes pretty much any sympathetic relative you have) and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting those sadistic beasts as well.

Nov 15, 2011
To Catherine
by: G.F.

Catherine, you sound like such a strong, incredible person who has had to endure what no child should ever have to go through. I hope you will follow Darlene's advice and call someone who you can talk to about this. Your parents' disease has rendered them mentally unable to care for children. So please don't ever think this is any way your fault because it isn't. Keep strong, Catherine, and know that there's help out there for kids in your situation. Please reach out to anyone you can so this abuse finally comes to an end. You deserve so much more.

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Child Abuse Story From Shane

by Shane - A Molested Boy
(Texas, USA)

I was sexually abused starting around the age of 5-6 years old by a male cousin that was five years older than me. This lasted up until I was 14. Sadly when it first started in my state of confusion I thought it was funny and kind of cool. I remember it started out by him wanting me to sit in front of him on a chair in the garage at his house, he grabbed my hand and placed it on his erected penis. I swung around fast-like to see what was happening. After exchanging some conversation, I recall telling him we could be "sex partners". (I'm so embarrassed by this because it looks like this is what I wanted).

So I would stay the night at his house and he would make me fondle him while he fondled me. This happened on alot of occasions. Then one day when I was 7 or 8 he had this tent set up in his backyard for some odd reason. He told me to lay on my stomach and he pulled my shorts and underwear down and tried performing anal on me. Luckily at that time he couldn't get it to insert. After that he started to force me to do oral. I didn't know what was going on. He held my head down so I wouldn't "take my mouth off of it". I was confused and disgusted and at the same time choking.

So some time went by and I remember I had walked to his house after school when I was in the 5th grade so I was 10 yrs. old by this time. He was the only one home. He told me to go to his bedroom where he undressed me and himself. I was very reluctant to do this because I was starting to get the belief of homosexuality being wrong. (I have nothing against it). At school kids were teasing kids about being gay and stuff so I didn't like it. He begins forcing me to grope him and notices I'm not into it. He forced me. It hurt so bad I had screamed out in agony. I pleaded and begged him to stop and he wouldn't. Finally his dad had showed up from work and we quickly got dressed and I was in such relief that this agonizing pain had stopped. This type of abuse just continued on until I got into highschool and he got married.

I'm so thankful that I no longer have to endure this. I'm also ashamed that I had to deal with this. Now when I look back on it I wish several things. I wish I hadn't "acted like it was funny and kinda cool", I wish I would have spoken up and told someone. This selfish act upon his part has ruined my life. I'm now 30 years old. I have no real relationship as I do not allow people to get close to me. I don't like being touched, and I don't mean in my private parts. I mean I don't like people touching me period. I have severe self-esteem issues obviously. I think I have anxiety. And everyday I tell myself that life isn't worth living and I should end it. I'm not going to cause I want to live and exist, but I have to admit not wanting to exist.

I know I'm not the only one that has been violated or wronged. I know I'm not the only one. They say it's suppose to get better. That's what I'm waiting for, no matter how long it takes. If you took the time to read my story, THANK YOU. Sharing this has been a huge help. And if you're currently being abused please tell someone and get help now. Again thank you for reading my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Shane

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Dec 08, 2011
Shane:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Please take your own advise and get help now. Seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the guilt and shame, guilt and shame that are not yours to take on. You were groomed at a time when you were highly vulnerable. He took advantage of that vulnerability and your youth. You are now blaming your Self for decisions you did and didn't make as a young boy. That's not being fair to your Self. Do not apply mature, more adult values to what you did and didn't do at a time when you couldn't be held responsible. Again, that's not being fair to your Self. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused, Shane. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Without shame. Without guilt. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Brianne

by Brianne
(Alberta, Canada)

I was at my cousins house, with my girl cousin and boy cosin, we were laying down in bed, and they all of a sudden told me they wanted to play 'house'... I said no because I was tired , but I obviously thought it was a different type of game then they were thinking. But they didn't take no for an answer. My girl cousin kept touching my vulva, I told her repeadily to stop. But she didn't listen, she put her hands down my pants and on my boob. My boy cousin just watched when I was asking him to get her to stop! She said that he was the nosi neighbor . She went to bed after she did this, and I went crying into another room where my oldest cousin was and told her what had just went on . I told my aunt the next day,
4 years later a 18 year old guy tried to rape me, he told me that i was beautiful and i look way older than I am, and perfect body and beautiful long blonde hair. He started touching me and my friend, and he got further with my friend, than me. I did whatever I could to get away from him. But he told us if we told anyone he would slit my throat....
I was 13!

My whole life I watched my dad beat my mom , he broke her back, and he tried to kidnap me and my sister, we were always so terrified of him, we would hide, and keep a baseball bat my the door. He does bad drugs, and steals. Hes always in and out of jail.
But what if he hurts us?!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Brianne

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Dec 02, 2011
Brianne:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Brianne:Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. Please contact Kids Helpline in Canada at 1-800-668-6868. They are staffed with professionally trained counsellors who will help you with your options. You can remain anonymous. They are not a reporting agency, but can help you if you decide to disclose what's happening in your environment. And you need to disclose to someone who can help you and your sister because neither of you deserve to be mistreated in any way. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/en/home.asp

Reach out to them, Brianna. You and your sister are too worthy not to. As for older guys or men without values like that pedophile, they'll say anything to get their way with you. They'll tell you anything they think you want to hear. And you're at risk because you haven't gotten what you need from your father...so hearing all the wonderful things that another man will say to you feels so good that you may be either persuaded or find your Self in a situation that you can't get out of. Know that you're worthy of dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your Self with that dignity, respect and love. Don't fall for the lines that pedophiles and perverts will use on you. Know that you are beautiful just as you are, and then live your life in a way that is respectful to your Self. Always. Not all men are like your abusive father or the others that have mistreated you. There are very good men out there...and you'll meet them when you begin to really believe you're worthy of treatment that is respectful. I'm sending you love, light and positive energy, Brianne.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous Teen

by Anonymous Teen
(Location Undisclosed)

Ever since I was a little boy ( age 4-5 ), I was physically and emotionally abused, and on one occasion sexually abused. I'm only 15 now, but my memory of my childhood is very hazy, but i'll try to share some of what I remember.

My dad has a very angry/controlling personality. I grew up as the youngest child with a brother/sister that were 5 years older than me, and there was a boy that was born 1 year before me but it was a miscarriage.

I always felt that my dad hated me and loved my sister/brother.Since i was 4 or 5, my sister/brother, being older would pick/fight with me alot. Whenever I tried to defend myself, my dad would beat me. Whenever I had a different opinion on something then my dad, I would get beat.

I would get whipped with belts, hit with shoes, coat hangers, wooden spoons/rollers, smacked around, and when i was older (7>), punched with closed fists and burned with a stove burner.

I remember the first time I got punched with a closed fist, i was 7 years old and couldn't finish eating a sandwich because i was sick. My dad yelled at me and tried forcing it down my throat. I was choking, and tried to get him to stop forcing it down my throat, thats when he punched me several times in the face, and left me with a black eye.

That wasn't the only time I got a black eye from him, i must have got around 10-15 black eyes, all of which were from being hit in the face , or getting my face slammed into a wall/table. My mom would always just stand by and watch, and my siblings always encouraged him to beat me , as they never liked me. When i got black eyes my mom would tell me to tell the teachers at school if they asked that i fell off the play structure.

I always felt them my family hates me , and still do. My parents spoiled my brother/sister and basically just ignored/beat me.

Two of the worst incidents of physical abuse i remember were when i was 9 and 10. When I was 9 I started smoking weed with friends, but realized how much happier it made me and started smoking it daily alone, to try to escape all the drama at home. If your wondering where a 9yo gets money to smoke weed daily, I was constantly stealing ipods from the change room in my school and later selling them. Well, my parents found out i smoked weed after my brother caught me and told them. My dad just grabbed me as soon as I got home, dragged me upstairs and threw me on his bed. He got ontop of me and kept punching me then kicking me in the face. I thought if I didn't cry and just stayed still that it would stop, but it lasted a good half hour , my brother and sister were standing watching encouraging him to keep beating me and my mom was just watching. When it was over I ran to my room and cried.

At the time i felt like i was going to pass out , and lost alot of blood, there was blood gushing out of nose and left ear, so much that on my shirt where my left shoulder was soaked in blood. I tried to wash my face of the blood and then went to sleep as i was so "woozy" at the time.

Another incident, when i was 10 I was caught stealing @ Walmart and brought home by the police. As soon as the cops left, my dad turned on the burner on the stove. I was crying/screaming at the time because i knew what he was going to do. He held both of my hands down on the stove burner. I was crying/screaming even harder but it didn't help, he held them there till he thought i had enough, which was what i know now were second degree burns. I was running my hand under cold water for hours after that, and was in pain for a long time. This was in the summer so no teachers/etc noticed.

I was never treated medically, my parents never brought me to the hospital. And i was always scared to tell anyone about what was happening.

Later that year, ( 10 years old ), i was at my friends house, which i knew for basically my whole life and was one of the only people i really trusted. Well he was 1 year older than me , and had a brother who was 17 or 18 at the time. His brother had his friends over, and i remember them holding me down and undressing me naked. I couldnt do anything as they were alot bigger, older, and i was always / still am small for my age. They kept looking at my penis, and eventually felt sorry for me and stopped when i started crying. My friend actually helped them pin me down. This was the first/only time something like this happened, and although it wasn't rape or anything , it was still embarrassing and i had no power of the situation or anything.

My parents always told me that they never wanted me and want the other boy instead ( the one that was "miscarried".)

When i was 13 is when i realized what was happening was abuse, and started having flashbacks of alot of events that happened. At this time i was still getting abused, but it wasn't much to me anymore as i would always compare them to the other 2 events and feel im lucky that it isn't that bad, and i kind of got used to it. I became really depressed and was appointed to a doctor/psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with social anxiety / insomnia / PTSD.

I am now 15, and trying to get my life back together after being kicked out of school / charged with robbery, which was very selfish/stupid. And is going to be on my record until im 22 years old.

I stopped smoking weed, stopped stealing/robbing, and no longer live with my parents, i live with an old family friend who use to babysit me when i was younger. Though I still get flashbacks daily ( some that are pretty traumatic that i just remember out of nowhere ) and am struggling with social anxiety / PSTD / insomnia.

I have been lurking this site reading stories before deciding to post my own. Alot of stories here really made me feel sorry for people and wished there was some may i can help stop child abuse.

I left out alot of detail, but i am not a good writer and don't really have the time right now to right a book.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anonymous Teen

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Oct 19, 2011
Anonymous Teen:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can't tell you how delighted I am that one, you are no longer in that horrific environment, two, that you are now in a safe place, and three, that you have cleaned up your life. You are a testament to what can happen to a child who is horribly abused, but even more, your are a testament to how love and kindness can turn everything around. I hope you are still seeing the psychiatrist in order to help you with the anxiety, the flashbacks and the PTSD. You've been so honest here, which endears you to me that much more. You had no control over what your sickeningly abusive parents did to you. With the love of this new (old) family, you can take back the power that you were denied; and with that power you can choose to become your full potential. Keep re-building your life; after all, you're certainly worth it. And in that re-building, perhaps you will choose to turn pain into power. I'm so glad you're still with us. I send you love, light and peace, Anonymous Teen, and I thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 19, 2011
where was everyone...?!
by: My Two Cents

Anonymous, I am also glad you're safe. No one should experience abuse.

I am disappointed that nobody noticed the pain you were in as a child and acted to protect you. You specifically mentioned the 2nd degree burns were during summer so no teachers noticed, but what about the rest of the time? You had to have been heavily bruised, moving stiffly, and you had injuries like black eyes.

I don't buy that nobody knew. I think everybody assumed someone else would do the "right thing" and brushed off the responsibility. Bah...that crap just really gets me going.

If you don't know, certain people like teachers, doctors, nurses, school counsellors, etc, are mandated reporters. They are required by their professional lisencing bodies, their codes of ethics, and usually the law to report suspicions of child abuse. They don't have to ask you about anything. They don't have to do anything but make a phone call and give child welfare your name and the location of your school.

Child welfare is responsible for investigating the allegation and protecting you if necessary. From what you've written it sounds like the local child welfare authorities were never informed.

If that's the case, you may want to look at whether or not you can sue the school board/district, maybe even individual teachers for something like failure to protect a child in danger, or failing professional responsibilities, etc. I really want to see survivors suing people who failed to act, in hopes more people will take their responsibilities and duties seriously.

At the end of the day, your decision. I hope you consider it. Oh, and I also think the people that hurt you should be punished as well with prison sentences and ordered to pay you restitution for the harm they did.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Oct 19, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Anonymous Teen, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a father and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that beast! I am disgusted by her uncaring behavior towards you; A mother who chooses such a vicious brute over her own precious son is not only the willing enabler but also the kind of mother who didn't deserve to have said son in her life. The path that they chose is inexcusable. Oh, and did I mention that they also abused your brother and sister by grooming them to be anti-social towards you as well? Oh, and burning your hands on the stove is a cowardly thing to do. Oh, and you are not to blame for their sadistic, cowardly, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that the family friend is with you now because that person is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you stay in counselling and that you look into reporting that sadistic beast of a father as well as your uncaring enabler of a mother.

Oct 20, 2011
Courage
by: Carrie

I am so so sorry that you endured so much abuse. My heart just breaks for you. I'm very relieved that you are safe and inspired that at such a young age, you have chosen to no longer smoke or steal. What courage you have. Here is to a bright future.

Oct 20, 2011
Kia Kaha
by: Trina

Kia Kaha means 'Stay Strong' in Maori. I wish you all the best my little friend. I work with children who have suffered abuse and it never ever fails to make me cry. I felt your hurt and I am so sorry this happened to you. It was wrong. You are not a son by birthright, You are a son by deed. All mothers and fathers can lay claim to that title but it is by deed that the claim is truly owned. Your biological birth givers are and will always be just that, biological birth givers, never allow them to be more than that or your hurt will remain. Leave them in that little box and go find true love. It is out there, I promise you that. Live a good, productive life, stay at school and be the best and most talented young man you can be. And you will show them honey, you will show them.

Oct 21, 2011
Hi AnonTeen
by: AnonymousT

First, you are a good writer. I could understand it all, you left a clear picture and you were precise and detailed -so please remember that you are good at this.

Second, I am so sorry your family treated you this way. I want you to know that even though it is horrible, it is common that a family will abuse one of its members, so please do not feel this was you or anything you did. It's just luck of the draw & that sucks. Your family was horrible and you deserved none of it.

I'm so proud of you for trying to heal and living with someone who won't hurt you - that's step one. And what a big step it is! Bravo!! :) Please keep up the good work and know that you have much to offer this world. You're only 15, yet you've learned so much. You will be a strong, sensitive man someday. I know it.

T

Oct 21, 2011
Anonymous Teen
by: Anonymous Teen

Hi,
Sorry I haven't replied earlier, i've been busy with 12 hr shifts :/.

Thanks for all the replys, what you all said really made me feel better about sharing my story here.

About teachers not noticing marks, sometimes they would ask and I just said what I was told [ i fell off a playstructer bike etc ]. They gave me counselling because of all the fights at school / drugs and some of the first questions they asked were if there is abuse at home, which I always denied and said no. I've never took counselling seriously until recently.

Nov 02, 2011
who's asking.....?
by: My Two Cents

Anonymous Teen,

I'm getting the sense from your reply that the people who were asking you were teachers and other adults in your life.

The process that is supposed to be followed when someone suspects child abuse, they are supposed to contact child welfare, and child welfare investigates. Child welfare abuse investigators are specifically trained to investigate child abuse allegations, to use probing questions, to review medical files, and to investigate the allegation. It doesn't mean that they will catch the abuse but the chances are better than a teacher with a vague concern, maybe three child abuse workshops (example) under their belt asking you if someone is hurting you.

I understand that the adults who asked you if everything was ok, and checked in with you, they thought they were doing the correct thing. They weren't.

The fact that they asked you in the first place means they suspected.

What I'm really trying to figure out is this. I got the sense that more than one person asked you about your injuries. That means more than one person suspected. Being that teachers and counsellors among others are mandated reporters (required to report suspected abuse by law and their professional lisencing bodies) I can't understand why child welfare wasn't contacted.

A story that might help. I have a bachelor's degree in social work. I was trained as a generalist so that I could work in several fields - child welfare, social assistance, community development, individual counselling.....etc.
I don't work in child welfare.

In the past 15 years, I have become aware of 3 potential abuse cases. In each case, I documented the specifics, whether there was a verbal disclosure, or visible bruises or what it was that made me suspect abuse. I documented the times, dates, locations, my relationship to the person - babysitter, volunteer, staff, bystander, etc - and I typed up that info and gave it to child welfare for them to investigate.

(I live in Canada. All adults who suspect child abuse are required by law to report it.)

I did not investigate it myself. I did not ask questions of the children involved. Why? I don't have any experience in investigating child abuse. I would rather the experts do it and get it right.

I personally would rather report 100 potential cases to child welfare and have them all be unfounded than risk having one child living in fear and pain from abuse.

Anyways....your story just really bothered me on that score. It's incredibly frustrating that people who should know better did not report it to child welfare. I am always going to wonder, what if child welfare was told? Could you have been helped...? And that bothers me.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Nov 02, 2011
You're Amazing
by: Anonymous

just reading this puts me in awe. you must understand how much of a beautiful person you are, for you could withstand all of this and even become more mature than most people your age and even 2ce your age. i just turned 16, and wish i could be there for you. being a teen is hard enough, without this added stress that you never deserved.
you're a good writer if you can pull people into your story, and even though it was short, that is most definitely what you did. I hope you can accomplish all of your dreams in life and i bet you can, too! you seem like a superhero to me, and you should realize that i look up to you even if I don't know you or that you are younger than me in years.
It is also one of my goals (at the top of the list) to stop child abuse. i wish you the best of luck, you superhero!!!

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Child Abuse Story From Annabel

by Annabel
(USA )

I've been sexually, physically,and emotionally abused. Along with both of my parents neglecting me. But I'm confused why can't I feel any emotion at all. It's all like a blurry memory. I wonder if this is this normal. Because I'm really confused. I've been abused by my mom, uncle, 3 strangers and my best friend. I can't really tell u what happened to me but I wonder if this is even possible.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 25, 2011
Annabel:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Abusers are experts at seeking out vulnerable children. Being abused at home makes you highly vulnerable to grooming by others looking to take further advantage of you. And it's not at all unusual to have spotty or vague memories of abuse, even no memories of abuse. The human mind can easily block out trauma to protect the person. But those blocks don't necessarily last a life-time. As we move through the various ages and stages of our lives, our memories can be triggered by even the simplest events, and thus start the flow of even more memories that can be extremely difficult to cope with. And it's not at all unusual for a person to become numb to their emotions, in essence turning them off in order to cope with the otherwise un-copeable. Consider speaking with a counsellor or therapist about what you do remember and how you're feeling. You didn't deserve to be abuse, Annabel. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 26, 2011
I relate
by: Carrie

Hi Annabel,

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I was abused for my whole life by parents, and others. I lived numb as well, and as Darlene says,it is to cope. I will add, for me, it wasn't a choice to go numb, just an involuntary response to the trauma. I am 41 now and in with a good Councillor, she is teaching me how to feel step by step and how to deal with that pain so it doesn't overwhelm me. It is so hard, but worth it because as you come through those feelings, there is freedom from the pain on the other side. She has taught me that as a victim (don't like that word) of abuse, I am not even aware of what my body is doing or feeling most of the time, I am also learning how to become aware of that. Getting help is the best gift I have given myself. I am beginning to feel and as a result live and enjoy life. I am starting to feel joy, and see things from a less negative and more positive point of view! This side of things is so wonderful! It doesn't mean you will forget what happened, it just means it won't have to define you anymore. All the best

Carrie

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Child Abuse Story From Wanda For My Granddaughter

by Wanda
(Virginia, USA)

Child's Fear: 
I have a granddaughter who has experience sexual abuse. I was the one she chose to confide in. Her mother has a problem with me. I chose to take actions right away to let her parents know, she told them but wanted me there for fear of how she would be received. Her mother showed no emotions even after going to the hospital. My granddaughter has feelings that her mom cares about the family member who molesed her. I am on top of getting cousel for her but things are moving slow. My granddaughter is terrified she has guilt that she has divided the family, she feels she's no longer a virgin. I explained to her that she has been violated and this means she is still a virgin.

She is hurting inside and needs to talk to someone, we still talk but she need professional help. I hope mom will wake up soon and see how her daughter is suffering.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 08, 2011
Wanda:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're being a fabulous advocate for your granddaughter. I agree that she need professional help, but that's not something you can control. All you can control is your response. You're taking the right approach, teaching her that what happened was a violation and that it wasn't her fault. She is not responsible for dividing the family. That's what children, even youth, believe, because it is innate in them to believe that the world all around them is directly affected by what they do and don't do. They believe they are responsible for all the bad around them, especially when adults in their lives send that message. Keep praising her for telling. Tell her how courageous she was to disclose. Tell her that no matter what it will never be her fault, no matter what happens. And that if she didn't tell, then others would be sexually abused. That she's a hero for telling because other children will not suffer in the way she has suffered by telling. Focus on all the good her disclosure is doing. At the very least, if her mother and other direct family member can't provide the support your granddaughter needs, she has you. I do hope the disclosure has been given to the proper authorities so that appropriate action is taken. It will be devastating to your granddaughter to believe that her mother has taken the side of the sex offender rather than believe her own daughter. Be your granddaughter's support in whatever capacity you can be. That will help you more than you might ever realize, perhaps not in the moment, but certainly as she moves through her life. Keep up the great work! And don't forget to take care of yourself, Wanda. You're no good to her if you have difficulty coping. Lean on whatever resources and support you have. Treat your Self well, and don't be afraid to show that to your granddaughter. It will teach her what she must do for her Self. Thank you for sharing yours and your granddaughter's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 14, 2011
a good grandmother
by: BMW Princess

You sound like a good grandmother.
Tell your granddaughter it wasn't her fault. I agree that she is still a virgin b/c she didn't consent and wasn't in a relationship with the Neanderthal

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Child Abuse Story From Laraina

by Laraina
(USA)

Molested and not Forgotten: 
When my mom got married again to a guy,i knew something was wrong about him.Then years passed,i was 12.the electicity was out,and it was cold at the house,my step dad stayed there.My mom was at court for doing drugs,drunk driving,my grandma asked me to call my dad to bring me clothes for school tommorow,then i called him.he told me to wait for awhile since he was at work,then at 11:00 he came,i was sleeping in my room and my uncle awoken me.I went.We were there and i went upstairs with a flash light and gathered the clothes i wanted,then i was ready,i went downstairs with a bag of clothes and walked in the back and told him i was ready to go back,but he asked me if i wanted to stay so he could save gas for tommrow to get food or something,and then get my mom or vist her.I felt this little pressure on my chest that felt a bit sadness,but i had to aggree,he gave me his phone and i went to the front and called my grandma,and when she said good bye,it was silent for a 10 seconds,because i was crying silently,then i said good bye.Went on my phone and kept on thinking about what will happen,as i thought,a horrible thing will,so i silently cried on the cold couchs leather,a hour or two passed and my dad came in front and said if i was okay,and i was sleeping,then his voice awoken me,i said yeah.He said it's warmer in the back,wanna come?Then i said no,but he said come on and walked to the back,i pouted insdie my little imagination,then i went back there for awhile and slept,i imagined me and my ex doing it,i feel ashame but it seems blessful to me to get my minds off things because of our breakup.But then i felt something small and hard down there it came from the right side,i finally knew what it was.it was my dads hand,his middle finger fingering my pelvic,i made groughy noise like my little brother made when someone was squashing him,like a baby wine,then i faced another way,the left then my dad quickly made that noise and turned to the right,then i decied to go upstairs and stay up there till morning,so i rolled off the bed,and stayed there with a flashlight on,making myself sound scary,like "you shouldn't have done that"Then i went upstairs and slept for ahwile,the he came upstairs,and he said,"You okay qwaush(Qwa-ash)"girl or little girl in indian"I said yeah.He said"Come down here and sleep in the back with me."I said"i don't want to."He asked me again,but this time i said serousily and a bit mad.He said"You know i didn't mean it qwaush,it's just i miss your mom."Yeah right,while those pictures and videos on your phone keep you company you dirty b***ard(excuse me for speaking like this and for wrting some or alot words wrong)I really did saw those things,but i thought it was nomal,but yeah.I will never forget this,when my dad fights with me about me going out with that boy friend,ex,ima say you gonna regret this!and that dirty thing you did to me!im sorry,i said bad words.:(




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Laraina

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Dec 11, 2011
Laraina:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with the effects of being sexually abused by someone your mother brought into your life and to deal with the other adults in your life who weren't there to protect you. You didn't deserve to be abused in any way. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. You've earned the anger and hostility you feel. What's important is to deal with those feelings so that they don't consume you and take over every aspect of your life, including your relationships and your health. You deserved, and still deserve, to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your Self with dignity and respect and love: Reach out for the help you need, Laraina. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Michelle

by Michelle
(Colorado, USA)

i'm a victim of child abuse. mine happened when i was two years old. my mother let her boyfriend hurt me bad. he beat me so bad,he caused me to have cerebral palsy on my left side. although my grandparents adopted me the dmage was already done. i endured alot of painful exercizes when i was little. I am still enduring pain now. i have worked in the past but it is now hard for me to even take a walk with my husband. besides the child abuse i have wnet through the other types also. mental and emotional from my exhusband and sexual from my biological dad. i didn't think i could take anymore,but i did. thanks for hearing my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 29, 2011
Michelle:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sounds as though you've not only survived, you've thrived, in spite of what you endured. That's a testament to your amazing strength. I do hope you're in some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the effects of the abuse, the betrayal and the abandonment. The fact that you have a constant reminder of the physical abuse can make healing and recovery extremely challenging. The beatings my mother inflicted on me left me with disc degeneration in my neck (certainly not cerebral palsy...still, a constant reminder). When I feel pain in my neck, I don't think so much about what caused it as much as the way my body spectacularly handled it. It gives me heart-centered motivation to take such good care of my Self. I do hope the same for you. Light, love and positive energy to you as you walk the path of healing and recovery, Michelle. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 30, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Michelle; I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of her sick, sadistic monster of a boyfriend and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you instead of protecting you from that beast! I am disgusted by her behavior. Plus, a mother who chooses such a vicious beater over her own precious daughter is the mother who doesn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. Oh, and if that beast didn't want to be there, he should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that he, along with your mom, ex-husband and even your biological dad, chose is inexcusable. You are not to blame for their sadistic, uncaring, unloving, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, far away from those sickos and that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Claire For My Daughter

by Claire
(Wales, United Kingdom)

my abuse was not actually upon me but on my 3 year old daughter.last christmas well oct actually i started my search fo a temp xmas job which i,ve done every year for about 10 years to get xmas money for my 6 kids.though my husband works were in debt and only just manage to cover the bills,and also i love to make a fuss of the kids at xmas as they don,t get toy,s etc through the year (except on birthdays!)as obviously if you buy for 1 you buy for all so at xmas i work flat out for approx 2-3 months and spend it all on the kid,s,leave my job just before and have a fab time.last year was no different except i left finding a job quite late so decided to work full time to make sure i got enough money for the presents.i found a local job 40 hours per week the only prob was childcare my husband works shifts so he,s on day,s night,s and it changes day,s also.so i decided to contact a local childminder that i saw at the school who i knew to say hello to and she said yes fine she,d have the younger ones while my eldest daughter sorted herself out as she was old enough,i read her crb details for her and her husband it was all perfect showed previous kids she d looked after etc so was happy to leave my kid,s there.unfortunately crb checks are,t done on her kid,s she had a 14 year old boy and a 9 year old girl.turns out from my innocent 3 years old daughters mouth that this lad had been removing her knicker,s and sexually assaulting her.obviosly i was devastated as was the rest of the family .i reported it to the police immediately and to cut a long story short he,s now a registered sex offender for 2 years and the childminders struck off.he,d actually also tried to do it to my 10&8 year old daughters but they were old enough to move awawy as he was very subtle,because of my 3 year old speaking up it was also found it he,d been doin it to an 8 year old very timid little girl.it makes my blood run cold to think what would have happened if my daughter hadn,t spoken up.we let her be interviewed by social services and once that was over it wasn,t mentoined in front of her again as were hoping she,ll forget about it(though she has mentioned it a few times)so nearly a year on thinks have settleddown my daughter seems happy after lots of love and attention from the rest of the faamily though i,m on a high dose of antidepressants and can,t bear to leave her with any1 and my husband can,t even talk about it it makes him sick.but now this means my christmas income has stopped i have no way of making money as i,ll never leave her with a childminder again or my other kids and they eould,nt want to so the little f***er not only nearly ruined our lives he,s ruined our xmas s as were now in oct i,m worrying o much about it i can,t eat.i,ve joined all work from home job,s etc but they,re all a scam i,m ebayin like crazy to selling anythin and everything i can get my hands on but it does,nt make much and is so time consuming with 6 kids i,ll never be able to devote enough time to it to make a good profit.i rang a sexual abuse injury place to see if i could get compensation for loss of earning,s which they said was not possible,and i asked if i could get compensation for my daughter for when she,s 18 but because she didn,t suffer any physical injury ther,s nothing they can do there either,they did say if when she,s older she has mental anguise from it then she could claim but as were hopin it will be a memeory that fades and seems to be(she,s not mentioned it for about 6 months)she won,t suffer any fingers crossed a million timesso am sat here typing this just thinking i need a good vent as we kept it quiet because we didn,t want any1 to mention it when she,s older i sort of feel like he,s protected but were only doing it for our daughter,thanks for reading just goes to show you can,t trust anyone....




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Claire For My Daughter

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Nov 24, 2011
Claire:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You must be ready for anything. This site is full of stories from adults who DO remember being sexually abused as a toddler; 3-year-olds don't necessarily forget. They may not remember right now, but it's very likely that as time moves on, she'll remember more and more. And that may not happen until she's much older, like when she's a mother herself and has her own children, which is often the triggering event. So keep an eye out and get her the help she needs if and when she displays any kind of behaviour that isn't typical for her. As for ruining your Christmas, that can only happen if you choose it to happen. Christmas isn't about buying toys and gifts for your kids. It's so much more than that. This is an opportunity for you to teach your children, all of them, the true meaning of Christmas. Get each of them making something for each other. Things that don't take a lot of money. Have an arts and crafts session with them so that they can make Christmas decorations for the tree. Get them directly involved in a gift exchange that costs no money. Teach them to be creative in that way. It can be a book of homemade coupons that offers such things like "I'll make your bed" or "do the dishes when it's your turn" or "This coupon is good for one story-reading session". Even the littler ones can get involved, just like Santa's helpers, if that's the way you want to explain it to them. Encourage your children to work together to put on their own Christmas play that they write, prepare costumes for from what they already own, and then perform for the rest of the family. Get out all the blankets and clothes pegs and set up a theater for them. It's all about working together. Get them involved in helping the less fortunate somewhere in your community. It's an opportunity to teach them what they already have. How much money or things you get for your children isn't what's important, it's how much time you spend teaching them the values that Christmas is supposed to bring: family, giving from the heart, and being quality human beings. Giving truly is from the heart, not the pocketbook. This Christmas can be the best one ever, but only if you change how you think about it, and then choose to show your children what Christmas from the heart really is all about. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 27, 2011
Your presence is the best present
by: Jill

Claire,
I'm so sorry your 3 yr old was sexually abused. It's so hard to know what to do as a parent when this happens, but please encourage her to talk about her experience as much as she needs to. The more open you are in validating her by talking with her and your other kids about what happened, the more comfortable they'll feel about sharing their lives with you as they grow into teens. My childhood sexual abuse stayed buried. It came out in my behavior and caused problems for me. I was repeatedly abused by more people. Eventually I had to go back and remember and go through the abuse again. I know I would have made better decisions for myself as a teen and adult if I'd felt safe enough to talk about it and process it as a child.

Your decision to stay home with your kids is so wonderful. But the pressure you're feeling about money and gifts is making it hard for you to be a happy mom right now. Whether she says anything or not, your daughter can get unhappy vibes from you and may feel somewhat responsible for your behavior.

Darlene has some great ideas for taking a load off your shoulders so you can be a happy mom again. I stay home with my kids to keep them safe after I remembered my abuse so there's absolutely no money for material gifts. A few years ago I started doing some of the things Darlene mentions and I'd never go back, these things are way more fun and rewarding.

You can't take away what happened to your precious little girl, but you are giving her and her siblings the greatest gift of all; your safe, protective, loving presence in their lives. After all, the Christmas Story is all about parents who had nothing but the clothes on their backs. Best wishes to you.

Apr 15, 2012
many thanks
by: sam jones

thank you so much for your wonderfull comments it,s another year on now and my daughter doesn,t mention what happened at all though i monitor her moods etc to see if sh,e ok our family is gettin on with life as happily as we can i,ve gone back to work as my employers after a 8 month break to check my daughtes ok have employed me to work around my husbands shift which they do for no1 else at the moment things are very settled but who knows what the future will bring i can only guarentee that my whole family will and do support my daughter and always will i,ll never forgive though and never forget and will never leave any of my children with any1 but their father xx

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Child Abuse Story From Nadia

by Nadia
(UK)

From aged 0 there were always turbulent emotional issues happening within my household. My mother had lived with me in a bed and breakfast for 6 months. After this we moved back into my Dad's place and he started a new relationship with my Stepmother. Eventually I grew to live with my Stepmother and my Dad.

Both my Dad and stepmother were depressed. All I remember is break ups and arguments happening quite often.

I had speech delay until aged 3 when I started talking. I did not like being touched at school and frequently wetted myself up to aged 10 or so.

The physical abuse by both stepmum and Dad started during my teenage years. This involved a variety which included being dragged up the stairs by the hair, being belted, kicked in the head, chased with a gun once, got up by the throat, kicked in the stomach and generally intimidated and made to be passive.

As well as this I was soldiered around and expected to keep my A grade scores. I wasnt allowed to cook, to wash, to do any domestic cleaning but at the same time was told I was lazy. My Dad would meticulously point out my features and make fun of how I looked. I was name called by him also. My stepmother would make sure that everything in fridge was counted so she knew if I took anything. She would feed me sour milk. Smoke with the car windows almost up. Take out my toys from cereal boxes. My stepmum and her mother would talk about me in third person in front of me and list all the bad things that I had done. Learnt to deal with my pain relatively alone. I was manipulated against my mother and my stepmum would set the atmosphere up if my scorecard was bad. She would say 'you better stay upstairs because your father's not in a good mood'. This would set the adrenaline going. When my Dad used to intimidate me, my stepmum would sit indifferently and ignore what was happening. I was not allowed to walk around in my room after lights out or I would be told off. If I had the flu I still had to go to school. My sister, 12 years my junior had more priority over me. At aged 5 she could go downstairs and eat but I could not.

At aged 15 in a relative state of calm, I put the dog on the his leash and started setting the house on fire with newspaper. I had never succeeded due to my dad coming up on the driveway but I would have let that fire rip and taken the dog with me and left forever.

I have depression now and I go to therapy. Things are not easy as I have just started to address whats been going on. I find that sometimes I have white hot anger at them both and I want to go around the house and trash it whilst laughing and mocking them. I am hoping that therapy will enable me to live a full and healthy life in the future. I find it hard to trust that people care and I lead a relatively solitary lifestyle which is what I enjoy best. My coping mechanism when younger was to fantasize my way out of the problems. My sense of identity is fragmented due to the fact that I had to keep my sexuality under wraps and in denial for 8 years. I have also suffered 10 years of paranoia thinking I was being watched.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 22, 2011
Nadia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Do stay in therapy in order to deal with all the horrible abuse you were forced to endure. Also understand that you were, and still are, worthy of dignity and respect and love. You were denied that worthiness by the very people who were responsible for keeping you safe from harm. Nadia, I wrote an article some time ago for this site, titled From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Emma

by Emma
(USA)

I was born very happy... 
I think when I was in preschool I loved life, loved everything and everybody. But then when I was in kindergarten, my mom got MS (Multipule Sclerosis. I don't think I understood what was going on. I walked to school and all the teachers were saying "Oh Emma I'm so sorry about your mom." and "How's your mom, sweetie?". I was living with my dad while my mom was in the hospital (My parents were divorced and had double custody over me and my sister.) My dad started slapping me and dragging me to my room whenever I did a single thing wrong. Now my mom is home and is soon moving 2,000 miles away. My dad is worse in a different way now. When I don't answer him if he asks me something he pulls me from my bed and throws me on the floor. He says "If I were a different man I would have killed you by now." I'm getting scared and often call my mom when I'm at my dad's house and I explain to her how he's acting and what he's doing. She doesn't really do anything and thinks I'm exagerrating. I don't know what to do...I don't know if I should move away from all my friends and my dad and stay with my mom.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 23, 2011
Emma:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What your father is doing to you is child abuse. And when he threatens you with your life, it shows how dangerous he can be. Your mother isn't taking this seriously. There is something very wrong with your father's way of thinking and acting around you. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, Emma. You don't deserve to be abused. Call the number. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 24, 2011
Always remember
by: Anonymous

Emma always remember no matter what happens you are kind, you are smart, you are important and don't let anyone tell you different. You deserve to be safe and loved and I hope you can get the help you need to stay safe. Good luck! <3

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Child Abuse Story From Mathew

by Mathew
(Canada)

I don't know anything about writing a story , or even telling mine at least . I guess I'll start by saying that my name is Mathew and I am a survivor of child abuse . I can't remember the exact time my abuse started , but all I know is that its been the biggest part of my life , it has shaped me into the person I am today .
My earliest memories is that of being a happy child , I loved to explore things and was fascinated with the outside world . My dad was a alcoholic always liked drinking alone , and an extremely emotionally abusive man . The words that he would call me don't really matter in this tale of mine , for I don't think it will help anyone reading this .
As I start to get a little bit older I remember certain good qualities about my father , like him taking me to work with him during the weekends , him making backyard skating rink during winter , camping for weeks all over Canada in our motorhome.
When I was around 5 things started going from bad to worst . My dads drinking increased , he started to turn violent towards my older sister and me , and became more emotionally abusive to my mother . He never hit my mom , but would more than be willing to give me or my sister a back hand .
I don't remember my exact age when my older sister started to molest me . All I do recall is me and her sharing a room and after our mother tucked us in for the night , when the lights went out her crawling to my bed and whispering whispering those words that haunt me today " it will feel good if I touch you here. "
From the age of 5-11 she had absolute control of me . We started to get violent with each other , all the while my dads drinking and abusive nature excelled . My sister moved out of the house when I was 12 and put an end to the sexual abuse , but the side effects lingered with me for 2 decades after , and compounded with my dads emotional and physical abuse I became very shy , insecure , depressed teenager . I turned to drugs , and alcohol as an escape from the pain at a very young age . By the time I was 27 I could no longer deal with the pain . I blamed my drinking and drug abuse on all my lifestyle problems , all the while avoiding my problems of the physical , emotional and sexual abuse of my past . I started seeing therapists about my addictions and attending 12 step recovery meetings .
It took almost 2 years of going to meetings and to my therapist before I came to a realization that my addictions is just a symptom of the things in my life going wrong . Then it took me another 2 more years before I completely surrendered to the fact that I was abused as a child , I'm nothing like what my father called me , and there is nothing more in life that I should fear .
Being in recovery from my abuse , and accepting that there was nothing in the past that I could have done to change things has given me the most wonderful life I could have ever imagined . The abuse I've endured has come to defy me as who I am now , and once again I find myself being that happy little boy that is fascinated with the outside world once again !




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Mathew

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Nov 21, 2011
Mathew:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I gather when you used the word "defy" in your last paragraph, you meant "define". As I wrote to another contributor earlier today, I see things quite differently. I don't believe that our child abuse "defines" us. I believe we are much more than what we lived, what we endured, and the decisions we made for our Selves. What we endured can shape us, but Who We Really Are is at the core of our being, and is not about what we experienced as human beings, though that can be difficult to see at times. We are so much more than the sum of our parts and the sum total of our experiences. What we do with what we endured can be a positive or a negative thing; that's our choice to make. Always. With help, you've decided on the positive, which tells me that you're being true to Who You Really Are. Keep up the great work, Mathew! Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Kayla

by Kayla
(Alabama, USA)

It all started a year ago when i moved in with my mom. Then we moved in with her boyfriend who i took as my step dad.. Not long after this we were at our preachers house and my sister had started an argument i was crying and mom juumped on me , held me down and and started punching me in my face. The next day i went to school with a swollen face , my sister said OMG look at your face mom said I didnt do that. At school teachers asked me what happened and i just said it was a accident at home. In July mom punched me in my throat and tried shoving me off my porch if my sister hadnt stopped her id prolly be dead now. Then lastnite she shooved me and told me that she would swell my face up... Then told me i could find somewhere else to live. I tried to get the phone and she refused she then told my stepdad to put me in his car take me and drop me of as far away from there as possible.. I triedd once again to get the phone to cal my Grandparents and she locked me outside in the cold for about three hours.. Not only does she physically abuse but as well as mental abuse..i want to leave and go stay with my grandparents.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kayla

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Nov 05, 2011
Kayla:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're parents are the ones who are responsible for you until you reach the age of majority. If they don't agree to you going to your grandparents, the only recourse you have is to contact Child Protective Services and disclose what is happening in your house. The longer you keep the secret, the more danger you'll be in. The fact that your mother does such harm and threatens even more harm tells me that you're at extreme risk for serious injury. You need to disclose. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. And you need to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be abused, Kayla. You deserve help for the fact that you are being abused. You deserve to be treated with dignity respect and love. Always remember that. You can get in touch with your grandparents to see if they can help you with all of this, but there's no guarantee. The other thing is that you don't know if your grandparents are in a position to be able to take you in. The last thing anyone wants for you is more abuse, or more rejection. Talk to the people who can help. All my visitors and I can do is point you in the right direction and offer encouragement and supportive words. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 06, 2011
Please reach out!
by: Anonymous

Kayla, Darlene is right! Please go to a teacher or guidance counselor and involve people who can help! Please, honey....you dont deserve this!

Nov 07, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Kayla, what a sick, sadistically insane, deluded "mother" that you had to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! The path that she and even her boyfriend chose is inexcusable. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their immature, sick, sadistic misery (well, they are miserable because they chose to be that way) as well as their ignorant ugliness. They need to go to prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you and even your sister did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for their sadistic, immature, uneducated, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you, especially when they refuse to accept their own responsibilities as parents. You were the child; they were the adults; they have all the power and only keep misusing that power over you, so please tell someone you really trust (that includes your grandparents too, since I know how much you love them) and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Nov 07, 2011
its not your fault
by: Anonymous

they have to learn to not be abusive it gets you nowhere in life you are the best when you grow up you will achieve in life no one can bring you down i knew someone who got abused you can achieve :)

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Child Abuse Story From LaTonya

by LaTonya
(Indiana, USA)

I am an incest survivor. My life drastically changed when I was thirteen years old. I was sexually molested by my father for close to four years.

The first year of abuse, I questioned God's friendship with me. Why was this happening to me? Why did God allow this to happen to me? By the second year I still held out hope that God had not forsaken me and that someone was going to find out what my father was doing to me week after week.

No one did though, I think in part because I did such a good job hiding what I was going through. Why not hide it? With the threats I received from him on a weekly basis, I was just too afraid to tell. Either it was physical threat like pushing my head under my bath water. Or, the verbal threat of "you will never see your mother and brother again because the (Dept. of Children and Family Services) will take you away from them. I loved my mother and brother and didn't want to be taken away from them.

Hiding it meant I still hung out with friends, I did my school work, and participated in track. As I look back on that time though, I realize had it not been for a sense of normalcy in my life, I would have literally gone crazy. I thought about committing suicide on a number of occasions but could not bring myself to do it.

By my senior year I thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel by me going off to college. I just couldn't cope anymore with this BIG SECRET I had been keeping for so long. I was going to run away but instead I ended up blurting everything out to my mother's best friend when she came over one day. My mom was gone and my father was somewhere in the house. At first she was shocked and didn't say a word. Eventually, her shock wore off and she confronted my father. I thought that would be the end of things, especially when she told my uncle. Oh! I forgot to mention that my father was a teacher and my uncle head of human resource for the school district. It wasn't the end...only a delay because my uncle and mother's best friend hatched a plan for my father to get out of town instead of reporting it. He didn't leave because I told him not to. My mother and brother were so dependent on him. They needed him not I and I made that clear to him. He said he'd never touch me again but that lasted for only a few months.
I had nothing to lose now...two other adults knew so I decided to tell my mother. I just told her "mom dad has been molesting me." She immediately called me a liar and couldn't believe I would say that about him. I was hurt and locked myself in my room. I remember hearing my parents talking loudly but never knew what was said. By the time I came out of my room he was gone. My mother and I didn't talk that night. The next day we received a visit from the CFS. Turns out my mother believed me but the call didn't come from her, instead it came from my grandmother in Florida. My mom shared with my grandmother what was going on. It took my grandmother to stand up for me. Unfortunately, I was so afraid of being apart from my mother and brother that I didn't talk. Not to mention, it's taboo in the African American community to "air your dirty laundry" in public. I never talked so the case was "unfounded." I can say that my father never touched me again after that.

To this day I think of how things would have been if I just talked. I think about how I allowed my "biological" as I call him now to live his life as if he did nothing wrong. To know that there were adults who felt it was more important to protect him than me. I also wonder if he did this to anyone else.

At the beginning of this, I mentioned that I questioned whether God still cared for me I realize that HE never stopped caring for me. How do I know? Well, because I'm here. I am a wife, a mother, and an overall good person. Do I still have my struggles? Yes!! Like when the fear immobilizes my body so that I just can't get out of bed. Or, I cry and I don't know why. Or, when cases of sexual abuse are discussed in the news or they are part of a television show that it breaks me down so I can't function for a while. Guess what though I don't let any of that keep me down. I get right back up and keep moving because if I don't, then my biological wins. That's not happening!!!!

Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. It's extremely important to me that other African American girls/women know that it's okay to let it out. That's why I decided to reveal what happened to me in a more "public" way.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From LaTonya

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Dec 17, 2011
LaTonya:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It is so easy to blame your Self for not speaking out sooner or for not speaking up when CFS got involved. The truth is, the way you were raised set you up for sexual abuse. The keep our dirty laundry to ourselves approach is not unique to the African American population; most peoples have some version of the same. When we teach children (and adults) that they have no rights, or that their bodies are not theirs to rule (such as when we insist they kiss someone when they don't want to or when we hit them for misbehaviour), when chose to automatically not believe children, we set them up for all kinds of abuse. YOU were set up, LaTonya. None of the way things went down were your fault. Children innately blame themselves for all that goes wrong around them, which puts them at further risk for keeping secrets of abuse...they don't want to be responsible for breaking up the family, even though that is never their responsibility. I do hope you're in some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with the repercussions of what you endured. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Niya

by Niya
(Maryland, USA)

Waiting, debating 
Contemplating.
On whether or not I
Should be saying.

He took one thing
I can never get back.
It just goes to show
The real man he lacks.

Trust was a thing 
My mom gave to him,
Not knowing the monster he 
hides within.

I lay down for sleep
As he tells me to.
Knowing the moment is coming,
When he finally breaks through.

I'm hurt and
I'm bleeding.
He’s laughing,
Ignoring my pleading.

Does he care?
Does it bother him?
Knowing there was more than one thing
He put inside me
Other than grim.

Three years have past
And I am still perturbed,
By the mess he left,
All things in my world are disturbed.

Just thinking he’s out there
With some other girl.
She’s probably so scared.
It makes me want to hurl.

I have no bruises,
I have no scars.
But taking my virginity,
Was like taking my heart.

Why would he do this?
What did I do?
I cant take my mind off of him.
I don’t know how to.

Picture perfect memories,
are not the images I see.
When I look back and think
Of a younger me.

I see his face 
flash in my mind
Smiling his ugly smile,
I wish I was blind.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Niya

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Dec 06, 2011
Niya:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy to help you to deal with the memory of the abuse and the way it has impacted you. You already survived the worst of it. Now you re-live it over and over and over again in your mind. In other words, you re-live it more often than it actually happened; and the mind and body don't know the difference between the reality of an event happening in the moment or the remembering of it. This means you're system is reacting in the same way it did when the abuse occurred, and that in turn is leaving you with more and more effects. You don't deserve to live this way. You deserved, and still deserve, to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Please treat your Self with that dignity and respect and love. Start by seeing someone who can help you. You can't change what happened, but you sure as heck can change how you're responding to what happened. Don't continue to give your power away to this pedophile. Take it back. He doesn't deserve one more second of your precious time. Report what he did to you so that you can help stop another child being abused. Pedophiles don't stop until they're made to stop...you can make a difference here. Like I said, make the decision to take your power back, and then live your life with purpose. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 06, 2011
there's always a way
by: Anonymous

Niya,
It takes a lot of courage to write your poetic story. You're a beautiful writer. The person who raped you is dysfunctional with a capital D.

Darlene's right about repeating the abuse in your mind, it just keeps making you feel so helpless over and over. You can stop the cycle of helplessness in your life by deciding that inside of you there is always a way to help yourself overcome what you've endured.

Keep yourself open to recovering and keep telling your story because it matters to you. See the man for 1 year old child he behaves like. He has no idea how to know what's right, but you do. You can make a difference, stand tall and report him.

Dec 07, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Niya, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to that sick, sadistic monster and allow him to abuse and offend you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you instead of protecting you from that beast! A mother who chooses such a pervert over her own precious daughter is the kind of mother who doesn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. I really hope that you're in a safe place now. oh, and he could be offending other little girls as well, so TELL, TELL, TELL!

Dec 09, 2011
Memories
by: Casey

Dear Niya,

Your poem brings tears to my eyes because I can completely understand how you find yourself reliving the experience over and over again in your mind. We cannot change our pasts, but I know it's possible to take control over our futures. I say this because that is exactly what I'm trying to do. I find that even after many years, I relive my most painful memories almost daily. It's like I can't start my day without doing so. I wish I could put these memories inside a box and put them away forever, but for some reason I don't know how to do that. I wish you the best and hope that you can one day put your painful memories away and never have to relive them ever again. You deserve emotional peace and happiness. My best wishes are with you.

Dec 19, 2012
Thank You For Sharing
by: Will

Niya I pray that you continue to heal. Telling your story in poetry form must be therapy for you, I truly hope so. I do also hope that you have someone that you can talk to on a regular, someone you trust. I was raped by my dad and he had that laugh, that smile during my painful screams. We can live a good life past this childhood horror and trauma. It's not an easy road but you can do it Niya. You can experience the good life has to offer you.I'm sorry that this lack of a man did this thing to you. I'm sorry that you still hurt, and rightfully so. One day at a time, that's how I try to do it...Thank you for sharing your poetry, your story.

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Abuse Story From Scottey

by Scottey (a female)
(California, USA)

When I was 7 years old, I received a new brother because my father married a woman with two sons. Her oldest son was the same age as I. We played "show me yours, I'll show you mine" when we were 8. The only problem was, after I showed him mine, he refused to show me his.

As we became teenagers, he was very intimidating. When I was preparing to go to school and brushing my teeth or something, he would barge into the bathroom and scream at me to get out. If I refused, he would shove me out or hit me. I became very afraid of him. I witnessed him beating up our younger brother a lot of times. He also beat up a lot of our classmates. Some of the classmates he beat had to go to the hospital. These actions increased my fear of him.

Our mother was afraid of him, also. One day, when they were arguing, he was so mad, he crushed a coffee mug in his hand. Our mother ran out the door in fear. She said she was leaving and never coming back, but my little brother and I begged her to come back.

When we were about 14 years old, I witnessed my brutal brother attacking a girl down the street, ripping her clothes off and raping her in her own home. I wanted to tell, but I was afraid he would hurt me.

A year or two later, he raped me. He said if I told, he would kill me. He also warned that it would be a slow and painful death! I was very afraid of him, but I would not tell my dad because they would get into fist fights. These fights were so violent, they would hit each other with 2 X 4's and I was afraid he would kill my dad.

I eventually became his sex slave. He would come in my room and rape me anytime he wanted. He came into my bedroom when ever our parents were not home. If I was not compliant and completely docile, he would beat me up. He only hit me where it did not show. He would punch me in the stomach, kick me in the head or my vulva, beat my back until it was black and blue or burn me with a cigarette. When my parents went out I would physically shake with fear and dread. Soon, he began to bring his friends over and allowed them to rape me for a fee. I was raped by about a half a dozen different teenage boys. He would watch and laugh. He kept the money they paid him. I was petrified to tell anyone.

This is the first time I have ever spoken of it. Now I am 45 years old. Even now, when I have sexual relations with my husband, I feel afraid. I am always crying on the inside, in my mind, "Please don't beat me, I will obey you. I swear to God I will obey you, sir." I never say that out loud because it would crush my husband as he has never hurt me or even tried to. But my brother and his brutality is always lurking in my mind.

All my life I have had nightmares of being raped by my brother and his friends. I can't turn it off. The fear, the guilt, the shame. Mostly, the fear that if I ever tell anyone I will be beaten senseless or to death.

When my husband was in the military, I had nightmares of being raped by his co-soldiers with him laughing and holding a leather belt above my head, threatening to beat me if I disappointed the men. I don't understand these feeling. My husband has never hurt me or even threatened me.

I don't know why I continue the have these dreams. I don't know if it will ever end.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 11, 2011
Scotttey:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Dreams are often manifestations of what is troubling a person. The people within the dreams are often not the people doing the abusing, but rather symbolic of what happened, as well as touching on the inner fears that those we love will indeed repeat the abuse that was inflicted on us in the past. You are still dealing with severe repercussions of all that you endured as a child. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to deal with these repercussions. The dreams can indeed stop, but understand that they are there telling you that you need to deal with the emotional turmoil. Regard them as a positive message in your life, a message that is telling you it's time to bring the light of understanding to what happened to you so that it will let you go, and thus the dreams will likely stop. You didn't deserve to be assaulted, be it emotionally, physically or sexually, and you didn't deserve to be in a situation where no one could protect you. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. I can only hope that if this deeply troubled and deranged offender is still alive that he is now incarcerated so that he can no longer harm another human being. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 11, 2011
How Awful!
by: Linda

I don't know how your brother could carry on such sick brutality without any consequences. He should be on death row or locked up somewhere in prison. I know your having a hard time dealing with this abuse, but if you are a brave person tell your husband what he did to you and maybe together you'll do the right thing and have that animal locked up. Rape is a federal crime. I wish you the best and I hope you get the help you need. This is one of the most disturbing stories I've read on this website. I'll pray for you...

Oct 12, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Scottey, I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic psychopath of a brother and allow him to beat, offend and berate you 24/7...how dare they! Your brother is really a sadistic brute...he needs to go to jail or mental hospital for all those terrible crimes that he committed against you and everyone else around him because you and your other brother (and even your classmates) did nothing wrong. Oh, and laughing and making jokes about you getting raped by his slimy friends really shows me how uneducated and ignorant he really is. You are not to blame for his sadistic, cowardly, psychopathic, sociopathic, ignorant behavior; he is to blame because he chose to abuse and offend you. Oh, and I'm glad that your husband is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling and that you look into reporting your sadistic beast of a brother and even his slimy friends.

Oct 14, 2011
Let it go!
by: Jill

Scottey,
The more people you tell, the more you will be able to allow yourself to separate from the horrible crimes your brother committed against you. He is totally responsible for what he did to you. I'm 45 and wasn't able to deal w/what happened to me til 38. I felt so terrified when I had to go through the pain again, but I'm so glad I did because I don't have to hide it anymore.

Even though it's painful the 2nd time around, you need to see yourself as separate from it so you can let it go. I know you don't want to crush your husband, but he should be the most empathetic guy on the planet toward you about all this. What a beautiful, sensitive person you are. How lucky he is to have you in his life. You survived. He will too. My husband was stunned when I told him. It took him a while to let go of the image he had of me and he's still here.

Your story reminded me a bit of Alison Arngrim's (Little House's Nellie Olsen) story "Confessions of a Prairie Bitch". Her brother relentlessly raped her for several years before she got the part on Little House and escaped. She is very funny and so real about what happened and how she overcame it.

Oct 26, 2011
Just a thought.
by: Anonymous

Firstly, disclosing your story here is a very brave step for you to take. I applaud you for that. Secondly, I believe that you must be very strong, to have made it successfully this far in life. I want you to know that none of what happened is your fault. Sometimes, people are just sick and sadistic, and as much as it sucks, it is what it is. I have no idea where your brother is, or what he is doing with his life, but chances are, he has not changed. I believe that if you can ever find the strength to do so, you should report what has happened. He may just as well be doing the same thing he did to you, to others. Now, you shouldn't feel responsible for taking care of others, but it's a thought. You should not say anything until you are 100% ready though. Talking about it here is the first step, and a giant one at that. As far as the dreams go, I recommend therapy. I know it may seem difficult, but it would be for the best. Therapy can really change your life. It's changed mine. You are a beautiful person, and I am sure you will find true happiness someday. I wish nothing but the best for you.

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Child Abuse Story From Janice

by Janice
(USA)

I have forgave but can't forget!  
I was raped & molested by my father. It started at such a young age my mother worked night shift and my father had no job. He made me sleep in his bed at nights because he said I would sneak out at night to play. I woke up one night to my father on top of me with both of us naked from the waste down. He told me never to tell because he had it on tape and that I would go to jail if I told! Things just kept getting worse he did it more and more often. It was becoming a every night thing. I knew it was bad but did'nt want to get in trouble. Soon my mother and father split and I only saw him once or twice a year. I have never told anyone to this day what went on afraid of my family's responce. My father is now dead and has been dead for 4 years! I forgave my dad a long time ago but lately I have been having nightmares about being raped. It scares me to the point of not sleeping! I don't blame my father for anything I love him to this day I just wish these dreams would stop happening!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 06, 2011
Janice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father IS to blame. He was the adult, and as the adult—your FATHER, no less—he had all the power, power that he misused. He took advantage of your youth, your vulnerabilities and on the fact that you would keep the secret out of fear. None of this is on you, Janice. The shoulder of blame is solely on HIS shoulders because he chose to sexually offend you. He's the one who knew it was wrong, but decided to do it anyway. And he led you to believe that the decision was in your hands because of the threat of getting into trouble if you told. As a little girl, this would have left you confused and worried, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, as though your actions would be responsible for what would happened to him if you told. Very convoluted...nothing could be further from the truth. You're now experiencing nightmares, quite likely because your mind is now ready to deal, really deal, with the reality of what happened. The nightmares are telling you that something isn't all well after all. I suspect that if you delve deeper into these nightmares, you'll find a lot has yet to be dealt with. His pedophilia ways died when he died, but not the repercussions on you as his victim. In fact, it's quite possible those repercussions are now surfacing as a result of his death, even though he died 4 years ago. Add to that the fact that you may also be in an age and stage, or possible situation, that is triggering a version of memory that you don't yet recognize. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to get help for what you are now experiencing, as well as for what you endured at the hands of a pedophile for a father. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 07, 2011
Secrets...
by: AnonymousT

Secrets are a dangerous thing, they aren't your secrets - they're his. He was the one who was shameful. I'm not telling you to run out & tell family - but the nightmares mean something.

It's your subconscious' way of telling you, "Ok, it's time for me to heal." Just because you forgive doesn't mean you'll EVER forget, but a great outcome is learning to heal & learning coping skills for when the memories surface. We aren't taught that stuff - we were taught to bury everything....eventually, it unburies itself. It's up to us to listen.

Another great book to look into is The Courage To Heal, I recommend it.

T

Oct 14, 2011
You are so worthy of real love
by: Jill

Janice,

Forgiving your dad has actually excused him from his responsibility for what he did to you. The abuse is still stuck in your body. You're bound to it by the secrets he made you keep.

Free your body from his abuse, by seeing yourself as separate from everything. By separating you can let go of the self-pity which has been taking away your ability to help yourself. Tell your mom if she's still alive. Your dad was and always will be the only one who is responsible for what he did.

Forgetting the past is to deny you exist, which is what he forced you to do. Inside you're "stewing" and it's unbearable. It's time to let it out and validate yourself for the beautiful person you are. You deserve to be treated with dignity and find peace.

Taking responsibility for yourself gives you the power to end the denial your father handed you. Denial is the avoidance of feelings. Telling your story reconnects you with your feelings. Inside you were so very strong as a child and told yourself that he was wrong but you had to survive by hiding. Don't ever feel bad for that. Now you can embrace your feelings again and advocate for yourself. If anyone is less than supportive toward you they're in their own denial. Understand, move on and keep working on recovery.

My father raped me too. I created an image of a good father and hid the bad father from myself til I was 38. I had to flip my reality upside down to survive. While reconnecting, I felt like the person I loved had died as I let go of the false image of my father and saw his behavior for what it really was.

A pedophile raping a beautiful, precious child.

It's so confusing when It's actually your parent, but you know you never have to love a pedophile for their behavior.



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Child Abuse Story From Andy

by Andrea
(Australia )

I was a blond haired, blue eyed, chubby but cute child. You could say I was the victim of child incest molestation, although I hate the word Victim (especially if it's applied to me) it wasn?t my father, or even my step-father, wasn?t a brother or a male cousin, or a male in general. No, it was my sister. Merely two years older then me and she was sexually abusing me at 6 years old.
At first it wasn?t bad, she was almost nice in the way she treated me, it started out as a weird child?s play. But just a few years later it morphed into something not even I like to hear about anyone else let alone myself.
I can barley remember my childhood, but every once in a while I will have a memory or a dream of an event that happened and I could never UN-remember it. I will tell you a little short story of how the abuse came to my attention.
A friend and I were at my house playing Barbie's after reading books on true stories about child abuse and neglect when mum demanded I get out side and vacuum out the car before we had to take it to the mechanics. We sat in the boot of our station wagon for hours discussing what we read in the books and I made a comment that went a little like this. I was explaining what happened to a little girl who had gone into foster care, her comment in the book was ?I hate it when girls go it, they don?t have willies so it hurts more and the spoon is always too cold.? I quoted that to my friend and followed it up with my own comment of ?spoon? brush handle? same difference.? And that little slip of the tongue brought many repressed memories back to me and my life spiraled out of my control from that point on.
I had always been an angry child, I didn?t know this until I was a bit older and my mother told me she used to be scared to go to sleep out of fear that I would kill her in her sleep.
My memory is still very jumbled up as it's only been five years since the abuse stopped I am now 19 years old, I don?t know what order my memories go in.
So instead I will just generalize it.
As children, me and my sister would play child games such as doctors, mums and dads, TV stars, We would play a game of Cinemas, where you buy fake tickets to get into the movies to watch a DVD, we would play hide and seek in the secluded area of bush just on the border of our backyard at the time. But it was never innocent. Playing doctors, the surgical procedures were always something to do with private parts. Playing mums and dads always included the making of babies. Playing TV stars was always about pretending to be porn stars. Playing Cinemas was always watching porn when mum went out. Playing hide and seek always meant the loser had to perform a sexual act on the other.
As a child I had no idea it was wrong, but I had a feeling about it. And my sister was always threatening me, ?if you tell mum I will say it's your fault and she will hate you forever.? ?If you don?t do it I?ll tell mum.? ?Do it or I?ll hurt you? ?I?ll break your horses if you don?t stop crying? it was emotional abuse at its worst.
I remember a few specific times that I?m willing to share. The one time I was about nine, she dared me to kiss her like mum and dad did, using their tongues, I was repulsed by the idea immediately, but she gave me a Chinese burn until I surrendered. So standing in the car port with no one around to see I did what she asked and I nearly puked as soon as our tongues made contact.
This is probably one of my earliest memories, I was roughly six to seven at the time when my sister was big enough and I was small enough for her to pick me up and carry me. She stripped me down, put me in the empty bathtub and turned the taps on, no plug; she positioned my vagina right under the stream of water, as a small child it was a shock to suddenly feel intense feeling where I had never considered would be of any importance. I jumped up out of the bath in shock. ?Get back in!? my sister demanded. I fought with all I had not to get back in that tub, I screamed, I swore I think I even bit her before she finally gave up on the act and moved straight to punishment of tipping a jug of boiling water over me.
When I was about eight, we were in the bath together, she decided she wanted to play doctors and I was the patient. She inserted objects inside me, front and back. Can?t say it hurt because I don?t remember feeling, just sight. That was the first time I had ever been penetrated from behind.
At about seven years old she introduced a new torture that she had been using for a while, it involved our pet Maltese, its tongue, a short skirt and no underwear in the corner of the back yard. I ran back to the house but the escape was short lived when she came into my room at night.
Then another time when I was about eleven I was asleep in bed, she shook me awake at almost three am demanding I finger her. By age eleven, this had become standard practice and it was the easiest thing she ever made me do but it was no less repulsive, then after she had an orgasm (or as we called it ?out of lack of knowledge- a funny feeling) she said it was my turn and I almost peed myself with fear, I was shaking and broke out in a cold sweat. She forced me down and with no mercy, shoved an object down as far as it would go.
So at age eleven she tore my hymen.
I can?t really remember much else but the endless crying and the hopelessness.
Some people may think it's strange but I still speak to my sister. For a while I hated her and wanted to beat her up and wanted her to die and all the rest of it but since it all came out two years after the abuse stopped, everything has calmed down and she has admitted to it and apologized, I can?t tell you how much those simple little words meant. ?I?m sorry you know, about what happened, I didn?t know what I was doing? I just? my only hope is that I haven?t screwed you up so much that you will never get a boyfriend.? Her (almost) exact words.
I do wish she had told her boyfriend so that it saved me a year of his verbal abuse telling me I was a liar and I had weight issues and not to take them out on my sister. I understand my sister?s point of view now. That she was ashamed of what she did and didn?t want him to know, I don?t even want people to know I was abused so it makes sense? Anyway, just wanted to shout out to all the child abused people out there who were abused by woman or girls, I hardly ever see a story about it and though I was on my own but now I know I'm not and hope I can help anyone with my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Andy

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Nov 19, 2011
Andy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Any 8- or 9-year-old child who knows to perform the kinds of acts that your sister performed on you (and I purposely removed the graphic details because they weren't necessary to the story) can only know it because she herself was sexually abused in that way. It was child on child sexual abuse as a result of being abused herself, which it always is. And while I'm delighted that you have a good relationship with your sister now, you both need professional help in order to deal with what happened to you. You both need help to deal with the repercussions. But she needs help in order to ensure that she doesn't sexually assault another child; and she's at risk for doing so. There's is way more to this than what is being relayed here. The fact that your sister had access to various "toys" and the knowledge of how to use them tells me there are many pieces of the puzzle missing. And the fact that all this was going on without the knowledge of your parents. There would have been so many signs that something was wrong, yet no one stepped up to, at the very least supervise. Please consider some form of counselling or therapy. And I hope your sister will do the same. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 19, 2011
I AM SO SORRY
by: Anonymous

I would just like to say that I am very sorry you ever had to endure such pain. I would guess that your sister herself had experienced sexual abuse from someone else and was doing it to you to make herself feel better and in control because you were smaller than her. It is tragic that you had to be on the other end of it all. I really do think getting some help would help in the long run, because although things may seem okay now, you have been hurt in ways that may come up from the surface and effect your life in ways you may not see. Abuse has long term effects on your mind, body, and soul. I myself have been abused and to this day it's something that is always at the back of my mind. The hardest part is accepting that it will never go away but you do have a chance to recover and heal. But unfortunately the scars will truly never disappear. I wish you and your sister the best of luck and I hope someday you will both have an understanding and peace.

Nov 20, 2011
...
by: Anonymous

Andy, I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick pervert of a sister and allow her to offend you 24/7...how dare they! I'm pretty sure that she must've been sexually abused herself and she needs help, so please tell someone you really trust.

Nov 23, 2011
Thankyou
by: Andy

Thankyou for your support, it means alot to me.
Although i agree with you that it was wrong but it was not my mothers fault. She was a young mother dealing with my abusive father and i belive she did the best she could and any way how was she supposed to know?
Alos i don't belive she was being abused, there was no one in our lives that i can think would do such a thing, she has aspergus and a very different thought process than most, at the age of 2 she was telling my mother that twisties looked like tampons so i don't know....
Until she tells us that she herself had been abused i wont belive it.

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Child Abuse Story From Jaya

by Jaya
(USA)

Paradise Lost, Battles Won: 
When I was 6 years old my family lived in India, and unlike what watching Slumdog Millionaire would have you think we lived in a humble but beautiful town. We had a lovely backyard facing vast upward sloping Hills and a gorgeous view of the country side. Nothing bad ever happened where we lived and trust was something that came naturally.. It was here that I played, and learned, and grew, and pretended to build castles out of mango tree branches and while I have fond memories of that time and place I also remember that it was here where the darkness began.

My next door neighbor used to babysit me, he was a teenager, maybe 18 from what I remember and we had known the family for many years. I looked up to him as an older brother. I trusted him, followed him around like a puppy, begged him to play with me. Being a kid sometimes I would rush up to him in my little mermaid swimsuit with the little cloth fins sewn on the rear and think nothing of it. I didn't know that he would linger his hand just a little too long over my body or look at me with anything other than brotherly love.

It was around that time that he started teaching me how to play "games." He taught me how to play "doctor" where he would strip off all my clothes and "look" inside me. He would push apart my legs with his cold fingers and then tell me he was looking to make sure I wasn't getting sick, sometimes he used other objects, and to my future guilt and shame I remember I looked forward to these games, I adored his attention. His "attentions" escalated over time, he would penetrate me, inserting his fingers and sometimes his tongue inside me. It would hurt sometimes but I trusted him. He would kiss my stomach and my mouth, and I would kiss him back thing we were playing "daddy" and "mommy." years later now I curse my participation in his sickness, even though I know that at the time I didn't know any better. He was discovered eventually, caught in the act, and all I can remember is pain, tears, and anger all around. I'm bit older now but the damage has lingered. Being from a conservative family I never went to therapy, I never talked about what happened, instead I buried it, and now I realize the damage that was done. I lived in guilt.

I know it was many years ago, I know most days I am fine, but sometimes I know that my decisions are fueled by that event. As a teenager I allowed other trusted man to abuse me. I said nothing when I wanted to scream no, I invited danger, treated my body like an object to be used. Where others would have screamed,I stayed silent and accepted my "punishments." I thought I deserved to be abused so I accepted it, sometimes I invited it. I entered unhealthy relationships with emotional and other forms of abuse...and as a young adult now I still struggle with these dark emotions, every day. I fight to assert myself and to know that despite what any man may tell me, I am not a w***e, I am not a b***h, I'm not a s**t to be used and abused, and some days they win, but some days I win too. And life goes on, and I have hope that In the end I will win more than I lose. Because that's what life's about, just keep swimming. thank you for letting me share my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jaya

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Dec 13, 2011
Jaya:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The most important thing for you to understand is that you are worthy of dignity and respect and love. Always. Start by treating your Self with dignity and respect and love. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the lingering effects of sexual and physical abuse. Whether or not a family is conservative, it doesn't mean that family denies what is necessary for healing to begin. When you bury what you endured, it keeps resurfacing. And each time it resurfaces, it does so with a vengeance, and affects yet another area of your life in a negative way. I'm delighted to hear that you can and have stood up for your Self. Take the next step. And also understand that you were NOT complicit with the pedophile; you were controlled by someone who saw and took advantage of your youth and vulnerabilities. None of what happened was your fault. Always remember that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Kayla

by Kayla
(Colorado, USA)

When I was 9 I went over to my aunts house to stay for the weekend well she left me with her husband because she had to go talk to a friend about some things well we ate dinner and I decided I wanted to go take a bath I never locked the door like I was supposed to and he came in with his phone and started taking pics of me he had me posing in all of these positions but stupid me never said please don't take pics of me naked I am not sure the entire Facebook world wants to see me naked well when I got out he wrapped me up in a towel and picked me up and took me to the living room and was showing me the pics now I did say delete them all he told me no he liked them well he took his hand and was rubbing up my leg and took 2 of his fingers and put them up inside of me when he was done fingering me he took me he layed me down on the bed and got on top of me trying to put his thing up in me I was crying and I kept on saying when is Aunt J coming back this was around 9 o clock and he told me about midnight it hurt a lot when he was done I took a washcloth and cleaned myself up because I felt unclean and I got dressed in long pants and a tee-shirt when Aunt J came home I only told her about the pictures I never said anything about the rape or the molesting but he got 10 years in prison so I never had a rape-kit done and that is all about the 1st abuse then my dad started abusing me he raped me, he beat me with belts, because I threatened to tell he took a knife and took it straight up to my basement and threatened to cut it he never went through with it instead he took it and started cutting my legs and he kept saying so you are gonna report me Kayla and I kept saying no and when he stopped I took a shower bandaged my legs and I wore pants from then on I went to school and they saw my legs bandaged I am a bad liar so I couldn't tell them nothing happened so I told them what happened and they took me to go talk to the school resource officer so he has been put in prison as well.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kayla

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Oct 25, 2011
Kayla:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I hope you're in some form of counselling in order to deal with the effects of what you endured. The fact that you still blame yourself tells me that you need a great deal of help processing what happened to you. The fact that you think you're stupid and that you are somehow responsible for what HE did...that just screams that you need help understanding that the blame lies squarely on the shoulders of your abusers because they chose to abuse. The took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. What happened was no your fault. They had all the power and misused that power. They controlled and manipulated you and the situation. I'm happy they can no longer abuse other children. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 27, 2011
Kayla
by: Anonymous

You sound so young. Stay strong and remember that it is not your fault. Please seek help if you are not getting any. Don't wait until you are older.

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Child Abuse Story From Tony

by Tony
(London, England)

i am what you might call a survivor from sexual abuse as a child,it started when i was about 5 and mum met this man who has lived with us since.im now 42 and have moved back home after another failed relationship with a woman,is this all because of my abuse?i would say partly,
it all started when i was 5 years old,he would make me watch him masturbate and make me look at magazines ect and in them days we had no video players,but we has a super 8 projector and he got hold of some of these porn movies.he made me watch them while he masturbated and asked me to do same but i refused.
some days he would say to me come and watch me screw your mother tonight,and when i said no he would threaten me with violence or it would be you aint gettin no xmas presents or birthday presents if you dont do as i tell you,being a 5 year old kid i didnt know what to do and just did what he asked.
it got worse and i mean really bad,i know theres loads of kids out there who have been sexually or physically abused but he went one step further,apart from gettin in my bed and fondling me and trying to bugger me also.he had to go further than that...
i can remember on a few occasions he would call me into the bedroom,and there was my mum tied to the bed and appeared to be knocked out or drunk im not sure,he would make me watch him do things to her and then he made me touch her,and he also made me do the most disgusting thing you might ever hear on this website.im sure i dont need to explain further.
i have moved in and out of mums home for ages,im now 42 and back home with mum for a year now.
he is getting old and ill and he just makes me want to kill him,he has no conscience and always moaning or arguing and cosntantly winds me up,its really amazing after all the stuff hes done to me that he continues to do this,doesnt he think hmmm if i keep winding him up he might snap and tell his mother what i have done to him i the past?
no he obviuosly does not care as he has proven he has no conscience wotsover.
i sit at the dinner table sometimes and feel like stabbing him in the throat with a fork.he just irriates me and hes always playing mind games,hes totally evil and im scared im going to kill him soon.
he also makes my mum miserable and i feel a total failure in everything and for not getting rid of him,my mum is so unhappy and she says dont worry he will be gone soon as hes not well.
she doesnt know about what he did to me and im too scared to tell her and it might make her even more depressed.
i have told a few girlfriends about this and my friends,they simply say go to the police,but i cant make myself do it.
this has ruined my life basically and continues to make me miserable living with him.i cant get a job or save money,as i live in the uk/london its not easy getting your own place to live.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Tony

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Dec 29, 2011
Tony:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If you believe you'll never get a job, then you'll never get a job. I'm going to be firm with you: a 42-year-old HAS options. As a full-fledged adult you can choose to live elsewhere, a choice you didn't have as a child. As a child you were powerless. As an adult you have that power. You can choose to continue to live as a victim or you can live as a survivor...it really is a choice. You know you pose a danger to this sick twisted excuse of a man, yet you stay and risk the rest of your life for someone who quite frankly isn't worth it. Take back your power, Tony. Treat your Self with the dignity and respect you weren't given as a child. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 29, 2011
Tony,
by: AnonymousT

It's HARD to think differently than you always have.
This man has caused pain and anguish that never should have existed. He abused you horribly.

You can leave. It will be hard & financially difficult but you CAN do it. All you need to do is go to work every day saying, "I can do today." EVERY day say that. It's a day to day thing. It gets you out of their house AND gives you some purpose & pride. You MUST do daily affirmations and you MUST look into some sort of counseling.

The Courage to Heal was a very good book, please look into it for your own well-being. It helped me.

Good luck to you. Please do not kill anyone, just get out. You cannot help her, she chose this life. But you can help yourself. My husband is a year older than you & he is YOUNG, you have time to do what you want! So do it & don't look back!

Dec 30, 2011
The sooner, the better
by: Anonymous

Tony, your friends are right; please look into reporting that slimy pervert of a stepdad because offenders don't change their ways until they're made to stop, so, again, TELL, TELL, TELL!

Dec 30, 2011
reply to y story
by: Anonymous

hi everyone thanks for your kind replys to my story,i wont kill no one its just at times we all have rows and sometimes see the red mist,i feel sad for my mum not knowing what a monster she lives with,yes im 42 years young and have loads of time left in my life to do things that i know of.
my mum says she dont know what to do with him,he upsets her too but for different reasons,she just keeps telling me hes so ill he will be gone soon,and it really does seem like the only way to have this weight taken off our shoulders.
but i know its not the right way to live waiting fir someone to die to get peace of mind i know.anyone whos been in my situation especially if it was years ago will prob understand how hard it is to tell anyone about their abuse,what can be done,can he still be arrested?wheres the evidence?
also hes a very clever or thinks he is.he does things to make himself look good,he picked me up from my ex when we split up,he paid off a bit of debt for me,he lent me money,i know i should have refused the help but hes clever becuase all he has to do is bring up these things hes done for me if ever i had it out with him about my abuse or told the police or an athourity.
he would just sit there and say why did i so this or that for hom then if i abused him.
why would i let him live here ect ect.
those who dont know him think hes nice,becuase hes friendly with everyone.if only they knew the real man and what he was.in my books you cannot make up for child abuse,nothing you do can make it better.
is it ok that you sexually abused a cild years ago becuase you have done them a few favour over the years?
certainly not,its unforgivable.i hate the man and hate it when he chats so friendly to everyone,even his brothers dont know what he really is.
i am very strong and thats why im here today,others have not been so lucky.

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Child Abuse Story From Peyton

by Peyton
(Europe)


Master Manipulator Ninja Style: 
Now I am in my late thirties and it still affects my life, but it is so much better now. Here is in very short to the point summaries of what I wrote. My first writing was over 3000 words so I had to cut it down a lot!

My brother and I were emotionally, physically and sexually abused by our parents.
Emotional abuse
• Constant criticism
• Showing emotions (anger, sadness, and happiness) was punishable.
• Never giving praise
• Unrealistic expectations for children
• Often told we were not like normal children, we were spoiled, selfish, complainers
• Made to feel guilty for having things that our parents provided for us financially and for other things that are normal for parents to do
• Being compared to other children. We were always the bad ones who didn’t deserve our abundance
• Mom would give away our toys and clothes and other personal effects when she knew we liked them and didn’t want to give them away. It seemed that’s all she gave away is what we loved, and would try to make us feel bad that our things were gone because it was true the other children in the neighborhood had less than us, but it made giving a sad thing.
• Being denied love and attention
• Sickness ignored, or told to "toughen up"
• Always saying, “What is wrong with you?”
• Called names, “Stupid", "Worthless", "Pathetic", "Selfish", etc.
• Other children were given love and attention in front of us kids, but we were pushed away. Our cousins or friends would come to visit and my father would invite them on his lap, but he would push me away and say I was always wanting his attention, but I never got it.
• Shamed and ridiculed in front of others
• Telling people (family and friends, teachers, strangers) embarrassing things about our personal life (He or she wet the bed, etc.)
• Obsession with what we eat and drink and how clean we are and our rooms and everything we touched.
• Telling us that we should not annoy other people with our presence, they couldn’t stand us so why would anyone else want to be around us. We were always reminded about being such a burden to them.
• Mom often said, “If only I knew this is what having kids was going to be like, I would have thought twice about it.”
• She also said, “I give up everything for you kids and I get nothing in return.”
• We were not allowed to touch anything in the house that was not ours, touching the furniture that was anywhere but our rooms or the basement was forbidden. We were always told we would break everything.

What made this emotional abuse so difficult to understand and label was it was not consistent. Often when they were in a good mood they would do kind things for us, but then we would pay for it in a guilt trip later. My parents were the pretty good actors.

Now that I am older I thought that my mother’s approval was not so important to me. My mom and I live on different continents. Since we only can spend a few weeks in a year together I looked forward to seeing her this past summer. But not long after she came she began to criticize nearly my every move. Now I am old enough to stand up for myself, but it was quite a wakeup call for me. I was familiar with her crazy behavior; it was my day to day life while growing up. Not only did she disgust me by wasting our vacation time together, but that she dared to treat my brother and I like this when we were so young, not old enough to know that she was in the wrong, not us.

‘Tough love’ was an excuse for her own emotional sickness. In some ways experiencing her act psycho like that helped me to believe myself that I was abused, that the past was as bad as I remember. Those two weeks with her were hell. I could not get her to shut up. But when I was a child I had no chance, I just shut down. It has taken me years of hard work to try to heal myself. It’s only been since her visit that I know it wasn’t my fault. She is sick, not me. I have recently come to a conclusion that my mother is jealous of me. She has a very hard time acknowledging anything that I do well.

The way my parents sexually abused us was by making out in front of us. Not just French kissing, but groaning and grabbing each other when we were not able to leave the situation. My father would walk around the house completely naked, especially after they had sex. How did we know they were, because of the noise, the door not being closed, or them screaming, especially my mother. My father would tell her to quiet down, but she would just do it louder. It was sick. I would put on my headphones to ignore it, or go further away from them in the house, but often even in the basement, we could hear her. She still does it now when I stay overnight. I don’t visit often and it’s only once every few years. She will do it on the floor right outside the spare room and bang on the wall. I think having me or others hear her is her fetish. GROSS!

My mom is a master manipulator and I will not fall for her tricks anymore, even if it means that sometimes I am over cautious. She seems to ninja style hurt me and I am too smart for it now. FINALLY.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Peyton

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Nov 11, 2011
Peyton:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

How we look at the world makes all the difference in the way we live in it and in the way we heal our own pain body. I know it's difficult to see your visit with your mother in a positive light right now. Consider this, the fact that she pulled her regular act with you at this juncture in your life gave you a tremendous healing opportunity that you ran with: you realized that what you endured as a child was not your fault. That is HUGE. It took the non-vacation vacation with your mother to actually see that. So what a special gift that time with her turned out to be; you no longer blame yourself for all that you were forced to deal with as a child. All that self-blame is now washed away. You can now focus on other areas of your healing and recovery, no longer bound by the ties of self-recrimination. And what can follow are the new messages you tell your Self, the messages that are the truth about Who You Really Are rather than the lies you took on as your own, and perhaps even embellished. After all, that's what children do when they're told how worthless and useless they are. They believe the lies, then tell themselves over and over and over again how worthless and useless they are. More times than they were ever told by others. What a beautiful healing experience...IF you choose to see it that way. I do hope you'll seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you to move further along your path of healing and recovery, Peyton. Your mother has her own healing to do. You can't do it for her. You can only walk your own path; and you're already moving forward along that path. Keep up the great work! Thank you for sharing your story and your journey with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Nov 12, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Peyton, you and your brother were given a raw, crappy deal./ Your "parents" (well, if you can still call them that) are so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves; not to mention be parents to you guys. They don't know how to love even themselves; all they ever knew is hate so they should've known better and loved and cherished you. Oh, and they're wrong. You are not selfish; you are not spoiled; you are good people. You are not stupid; you are smart and articulate. You are not pathetic; you are strong (it is your parents who are weak because they let the devil get to them and then chose to take that out on you). You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of, so never believe any of the nasty lies that they were spewing. You guys deserve so much better than what those sickos did to you; they didn't deserve you in their lives. You are a star (and so is your brother)! Oh, and that's equally wrong for your parents to throw/give your beloved toys away when they knew that you loved said toys. You are not to blame for their behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse and even offend you guys. You were the children; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you guys are in a safe place now, that you try counselling and that you look into reporting those sad, tragic people as well.

Nov 16, 2011
Thank you
by: Peyton

Thank you for your support! Just writing this stuff down has been another step towards healing. I am able to see that our 'vacation' time together was a gift, even though it was not as I had hoped, it was what was meant to be. I am thankful for my brother and that we have each other. Both of us feel parent less, and it's still saddens us both that we did not have the relationships we desired with our parents. BUT we feel blessed that we have survived and have the strength to heal. We are thankful for the positive things in our lives and see the negative parts as our life path towards growth, love and understanding. There is hope for abuse survivors.

I will continue to work on my own mental health and be the generous, loving, forgiving person I am meant to be. To do the best I can with what gifts I have been given. To be grateful for my growth and strength and my journey that has a purpose.

Thank you all for reading and your support. Peace out;)

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Child Abuse Story From Norma S

by Norma S
(Texas, USA)

My story began when I was 9 or 10 years old. My mother married her first cousin which means he was my second cousin. I was taking a shower and he came in the bathroom to (he told me to get his deodorant) but he stayed there and just stared at me. I started to get very nervous and I got out to get dressed. He told me to stop getting dressed and go into the bedroom to talk to him. I did as he said because he was suppose to be like a dad to me. He made me do things to him that a 10 year old shouldn't be doing! He never actually raped me until I was 13. It was molesting for 2 years and then moved to rape. I never told anyone out of fear. I waited till he got me pregnant and I had the baby to tell my family. My mother of course blamed it all on me and told me I must have given him the impression I wanted him! How dare her! I was a child! I till this day have people suggest that part of me must have enjoyed it because I waited 7 years to tell anyone...really?? I'm still messed up emotionally from this and I'm 34 years old. I can't talk to anyone about this anymore. Everyone thinks that just because you have a penis inside you that some part of you enjoyed it...why? Why do people think this way? I'm starting to think maybe I will never recover from this.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 18, 2011
Norma:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It is highly likely that this pedophile married your mother in order to gain access to you, difficult as that may be to consider. As for your mother and others, in a word, it's "ignorance" that prevents people from understanding that a child cannot consent and that a child doesn't disclose out of fear. Fear of not being believed, fear of reprisals, fear on many levels. What's important in your recovery is not to tie your healing into what others think or say. The investment has to be in YOU, not anyone else. When people, often family members, start pointing the finger of blame at the one person who is never to blame—the child—it's often because they would rather believe the offender than admit they had some part in the abuse continuing. That they in some way enabled the abuse. You see, there would have been signs that they ignored, signs that something was wrong. YOU know the truth, Norma. You know what this pedophile did to you. And you KNOW you're not to blame. You CAN get through this, but it means seeking out help for your Self. Please consider some form of counselling in order to help you deal, not only with the sexual abuse itself, but also the betrayal and abandonment of your mother and others you trusted with the secret of what happened. Your may also need to sever the ties with the people who are working against your healing and recovery; sometimes walking along this path means separating from family in order to find your own way, without being dragged backwards. Believe in your Self, Norma. You have the strength and fortitude...I know this because not only did you survive the assaults, you had the amazing courage to speak out about it. It doesn't matter what age you were when you did speak out, it only matters that you did. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Diane

by Diane
(Alabama, USA)

Part 1: 
Yesterday I had my appt with the disability therapist to evaluate me. She told me something that I had never heard before. First she was asking me questions about my mental status, which Ive had depression for most my life. I'm 53 and I've had many illness's over the years. One main thing is fibromyalgia. I am on alot of medications. Stress has always triggered my fibro to flare up. Ive had a couple of mental break downs and was hospitilized and put in the psych hospital. Ive also taken overdoses twice and was hospitalized twice and put in the psych hospital for that too. All together Ive been in the mental hospital 4 times in 20 years. One Question she asked was if I had ever been sexually abused. When I told her yes, She said she new I had before she even asked me. She said most of her clients that have an illness like mine was sexually abused, and that I had Complex PTSD. I was shocked. All these years I have been going to my psychrist he never told me this.All hes done for me is give me medication. So this unresolved dirty little secret that no one talked about resurficed. I want to share what happened to me.

I was 5 yo, we (my mom sister and baby brother)were staying at my grandparents small trailer after my mom left our dad. My grandfather raped me. The last thing I remember was looking out the window and wishing I was not there and then everything went blank. When I was 48 I started having vivid flashbacks. My first one came to me when my grandaughter was almost 3yo. I had give her a bath and had laid her on the edge of the bed to dry her off and to put her clothes on her. It was like a scene out of a movie. I saw myself sitting on his lap and he was in his boxer shorts. I could feel his erection under me. The flasback happened so fast but it was so vivid. I thought where did that come from. Then I remembered thinking while I was giving her a bath how could anyone abuse little child and I became emotional and asked God to keep her safe from preditors.

Part 2: 
As the week went on I kept trying to figure out what was happening. Then the flashbacks came more frequently until all of the pieces were put together. I told my psychiatrist about the flashbacks. He said that my granddaughter being close to the age I was, and with what I was thinking and the position I had her lying in while I was putting her diaper on and her clothes, just triggered the flashbacks. I asked him why did it take so long for this to happen. He said it was called selective memorey loss. I went home and told my husband and he didnt know what to think. I dwelled on this for months. The more I thought about it the more real it was to me. I could decribe details of there bedroom, the lay out, things on the ceiling, the mirror on the door. the curtains the way they were blowing. Its weird because I cant describe the way the rest of the trailer looked in detail. I know he raped me, and I believe I passed out.After that I was hospitilized. I remember showing my mom blood in my panties. I remember being in the hospital for a long time. After all this started comeing together I decided to try to get my medical records. I knew it was just a shot in the dark.I made several calls to the courthouse to find out who would have the records. The hospital had been closed but all the records had beed boxed up and were in a basement of the newer hosp. I talked to a sweet lady that worked in the medical records dept. I told her what I was looking for and why, she told me she would go and look for them on her lunch break. Weeks went by and I hadnt heard anything from her so I thought I was at a dead end. One day my phone rang and it was her. She had found a discharge card with my name on it. I was so excited. I asked her what were the dates on it and she told me I had been in the hospital for 19 days. She mailed me the card and I still have it. I thought there is something going on here. While I was in the hosp. my mom showed up with two men I had never seen before. They stood at the foot of my bed and my mom told me that I was going to have a new daddy. she introduced me to him and I remember feeling so confused. I didnt want him to be my daddy, I wanted the daddy I already had. When she left I remember crying and the nurse came in and hugged me and brought me chocolate milk. To this day I love chocolate milk. My sister sayes she also remembers being in the hosp. for a long time too. Neither one of us remembers our mom staying with us. My sister remembers mom comeing to see her and and treating her like she was mad at her. Soon after all that our mom and dad got married. We didnt get to go to the wedding, we were left out and I remember feeling very hurt. So thirty something years later,Im trying to put this puzzle together. I confronted my mother about the hospital stay, she didnt remember. I said Mom how can you forget that I was seperated from you, sick in the hospital. She said Im sorry, Diane I really dont remember. I told her about the flashbacks and she acted shocked, that this happened to me. She just said that she was sorry that I went thru this. I didnt press the issue with her because I knew, like me she had blocked this out of her mind. I know that when all this was going on she had a mental breakdown right after they got married and my grandparents divorced. So this is my theory. My grandfather molested me. My sister and I was put into child protective care unt. She had to get us a place to stay before they would release us. Thats why she married so quickly. This has been kept quiet and blocked out of everybodys mind. I have suffered mentally for years. My mom would beat me for everything. She took her anger out on me up to the day I got married. So know I understand why the therapist said I have complex PTSD.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Diane

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Nov 27, 2011
Diane:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If the pedophile was your mother's father, I would gather that your own mother was also sexually abused by him, which would explain her abuse of you. That doesn't give her any excuses, it just offers an explanation. What's happening with you now as you move through your life and reach the various ages and stages of it is that you're walking the road toward healing and recovery. It is disappointing that your psychiatrist didn't help you to focus on what may have been going on with you as a child, especially given all the signs. What is important is that you met a therapist who was able to offer something that helped you unlock the trauma. And now that it's unlocked, you can continue to move forward. It's not at all unusual that you remember so vividly the details of your grandparents bedroom and not the rest of the house. It speaks to your coping skills as a little girl. I know this skill oh so well...focusing on various areas of where my own physical abuse took place was an opportunity to escape the trauma and the pain. Keep talking about what happened to you and how it impacted you. Allow your Self to fully feel the emotions of each memory. Something magical can then happen; they'll let you go. And you so deserve that in your life. Angels in the form of a disability therapist and the hospital clerk have visited you to help you. You can now take the reins and follow the path of your own healing and recovery. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Marie

by Marie
(Location Undisclosed)

It started when i was like 5.My brothers friend who was like 15 forced his hand down my pants and wouldn't stop till he seen my brothers coming down the ally. I never told them cause i though i would get in trouble. then when i was like 7. My cousin boyfriend he was like 18 wanted me and my cousin who was also 7 to go to the store with him, But she was sleeping so he made me go with him, we went to the store and on the way home he wanted to go a diff way i felt funny about this. well he forced his hand down my pants and my hand down his pants i tried to pull away from him but i could get away from him. When i got home i told my cousin the one that was my same age(7) and she said he did the smae with her. We told what he did and NOONE belived us besides my older brother and my cousin bf and him got in a fight, My brother got arrested. notting happen to my cousin bf.

When i was like 15 my aunts(boyfriend) naphew forched him self on me he done this over time. I told them what he did and they blamed me for him doing it. IDK why but they blamed me.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 30, 2011
Marie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

So many people are misguided, in part because they mistakenly believe that it's always a girl or woman's fault when a male does inappropriate things to them, in part because we have a male dominated society that accepts that men cannot control themselves (which is so not true!). Until we re-educate society to understand that it is NEVER EVER the victim's fault, we will always deal with this prejudice. What's important for YOU, Marie, is to realize that you did absolutely nothing wrong and that you weren't to blame. Period. End of story. The pedophiles saw that you were young and vulnerable, and they took advantage of that. They had all the power, and misused that power on you. And the people with blinders on, the people who refused to believe that this happened to you basically enabled the abuse to go on. This is on them, all of them, NOT you. Don't ever forget that. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect and true love. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with the effects of the abuses inflicted on you. You deserve that kind of help, Marie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Mere

by Mere
(New Zealand)

In the 60s & 70s: 
I have visted this sight from time to time & having read some of the horrific stories, I have come to realise having read others experiences, it is only fair that I share my story too.
Around the early 1960s at the age of 5-6 years old I witnessed many beatings my Dad subjected my mother to. My mother also abused us as children around that time. She not only beat us badly but subjected us to alot of emotional & psychological abuse. I remember my mother would orchestrate the hidings she planned for us & I remember feeling the pain well before she applied the hidings. My mother would run around closing windows to prevent sounds or noise from the hidings she would give us. I speak for the memories I remember clearly when my mother would cover my head with a quilt, push my face into the bed to minimise the sounds of crying. when she finished the beating she would contain herself, reopen the windows & warn me that I was not to speak a word of the beating I just received. As time progressed, the hidings only got worse. Having survived one hiding the next would only be worse. I remember one hiding in particular where my mother hit me around the shoulder & head area with a crowbar. I could not protect my head any longer as my arms were weakened from the blows to my shoulders & arms from amount of times she hit me with this crowbar. When I fell to the floor, I remember my mother telling me to get up, go to the wash room & wash the blood from my head. As I washed myself I remember feeling my whole upper body in pain & hoping the bleeding would stop. At the time I also remember a strong hatred in my gut developing for my mother. This was not the first injury to my head inflicted by my mother, but one which stands out clearly. The reason it staands out clear from the rest is that while my mother was beating me, I was telling her that I loved her as a plea for her to stop. I remember the following day pulling out dry blood from the crown of my head. My mother would keep us home from school, until fully recovered from bruising or signs of the physical hidings we received. I would have been around 8 years old at the time. I still ask myself the question now how did I survive all those hidings I got from the age of 5-6 right up until I ran away from home at the age of 16. My mother put us all in very dangerous situations. My sister & I were subjected to sexual abuse as well at around the age when I was 8 years old. I remember my mother comotosed after a bout of heavy drinking & not being aware that one or both her daughters were being molested in the very room we all slept. We were staying with an Aunt at the time. We had no where else to go. I remember one guy in particular who would come into the room & lay down on the floor alongside either my sister & I. He would weasle his way closer to where I slept. Before I knew it he would slip his hands under the bedding & start feeling around my legs & tummy area. He would eventually slip his hands in the leg of my underwear & feel me. I remember pretending that I was in a deep sleep because I did not want him to know that I was aware of what was going on. That was my way of dealing with it, & I think it was also my way of dealing with the embarassment of the ordeal. I have tried so much to put my memories to sleep but it is difficult. When my mother died, I only attended the burial. There was nothing for me to grieve, other than say goodbye. I remember other people present at her burial. People who knew of the abuse we endured from our mother. I dont forget that they made no attempt to stop the abuse. I have forgiven some, but I still have alot of work to cover.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 12, 2011
Mere:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

A lot of people have a lot to answer for. The people who were aware, or at the very least suspected that abuse was going on, and did nothing to stop it. What's so disturbing about your mother's ritual was the fact that she ceremoniously closed the windows and put things on your face in order to prevent others hearing your screams. It was premeditated child abuse. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she continued to do it anyway. Add to that the fact that she would keep you from school until the bruises and marks went away...appalling. I do hope you're in some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with the life-long effects of such horrific abuse, Mere. You didn't deserve to be abused. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 13, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Mere, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you and your siblings to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you guys 24/7...how dare he! The path that your so-called parents chose is inexcusable. They were acting like little 2-year-olds trapped in grown-up bodies because they were stuck in their own childhood. Oh, and closing the windows and covering your face prior to beating you everyday and then keeping you out of school until you recover really show me that she knew what she did was wrong yet didn't care enough to stop doing that because she herself had no respect for you and your rights as a human being and she proved that just by the nasty injuries that she inflicted upon you. She had the mindset that you were to be submissive and obedient at every single cost. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for her immature, sick, sadistic misery as well as her ignorant ugliness. Oh, and as for the "I love you" plea part, I can relate; I, too, would tell my mom, whenever she would beat me up, that I "loved her" in an attempt to stop her from beating me up. Anyway, you are not to blame for her sadistic, insane, depraved, ignorant behavior; she was and still is (posthumously) to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm delighted that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

Dec 16, 2011
Thank you
by: Mere

Thank you to evryone who have responded & commented on the historical events I have shared, related to my childhood experiences. I have just turned 49 years, & have realised that it is okay to share my story particularly, with people who want to understand it. I improve as I progress through life, & feel very grateful having children of my own has given me an inheritance of what true love is all about. Regretfully, I did fail two marriages (the fathers of both my children), but understand now, the underlying issues I had at the time, which prevented me from giving both men the love they were deserving of. Had I known during the first marriage what my issues were, I may not have married a second time. However, I dont hold regrets, for either marriages it were the experience of being loved by two men then, which I hold dearly.

I would like to wish everyone a wonderful wonderful & very safe Christmas, & New Year.

Mere

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Child Abuse Story From Kerry

by Kerry
(Location Undisclosed)

My parents separated when i was 10 months old, my dad stole everything my mum owned. The court set up a system where i would go to my dads every other weekend and be with my mum all the other time. Fast forward to when i was 2, i was spending a contact weekend with my dad, he was giving me a bath and he put 2 fingers in my v*****. i then told my mum when i got home, she rang the doctor and they rang the police. It turned out it was my word against his so no further action happened. i still see him every other weekend, but he keeps looking at me in a strange way. Today I broke down to my teacher, how i am scared of him, i didnt tell her what he did just that he did something to me. she said she has to tell the child protection officer at school incase something happens in the future. i really dont want my mum to find out i spoke, she would freak, she has enough on her plate.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 29, 2011
Kerry:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What you must understand is that your safety is much more important than anything else. I know you feel responsible for your mother and how she feels; it's all part of being a child or youth. But you are NOT responsible for your mother; she's responsible for YOU. That's why the system is set up the way it is: to protect children because they cannot protect themselves. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, Kerry. Always remember that. I send you love, light and positive energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Ashley

by Ashley
(USA)

I almost hate posting here after reading some of these heartbreaking stories. My childhood experiences are not quite the same but they are traumatic and have caused tremendous negativity in my life and with my parents just the same. I feel my low self-esteem is attributed to my memories of shame. I also have other issues because of the abuse that I am trying to overcome.

I lived a pretty normal life in most ways...I lived in a nice house, I ate three meals a day, we had a dog. I had toys. Not that bad compared to other people's situations, I suppose. But my parents confused me and hurt me so bad and I don't know if they even realize it. I was spanked as I child and I am still so disturbed by it. I got spankings as far back as I can remember. When I was really young, I remember getting my diaper (or pull up, whatever) pulled to the side to get my smack. I vividly remember the first time I was ever really spanked. I was preschool age and was dressed for church (I think, or else someplace where you had to dress nice) my mom had told me about 4 times to not jump in the leaf piles, we were about to leave. I did, and the next thing I knew my dad was marching outside. He took my hand, led me into the living room, and sat down on the couch. He began to unbutton my pants and I was so terrified. My mother stood behind me, watching. He pulled down my pants and underwear together and I just stood there, sobbing. He didn't turn me over his knee or anything, just slapped me on the bare butt about 5 times while I stood up. My mother came from behind me and hugged me. My pants were still down as she told me why daddy had to spank me and that they loved me so much and it was their job to keep me safe and to help me learn to listen. She pulled up my pants and buttoned them, then told me to get into the car and to stop crying. I got spanked standing up like that many times in my younger years, and thinking back on it now, it makes me sick. It's like he wanted to expose me, not even have my genitals covered. My dad was such a great guy in so many ways but I swear and I know it's sickening to think about, I think he knew that getting my pants pulled down was so terrible and embarrassing for me, and he was glad. As I got a little older, he started putting me over his knee for spankings instead of standing up, but he still unbuttoned my pants. He would pull them down before he put me over his knee, then position me. As he was pulling down my underwear, he would tell me how much he loved me and how much he hated to spank me. By the time he started to actually slap my butt, I would be close to a heart attack, the worse feeling of helplessness you could ever imagine. This might sound really stupid, and I know it does, but one of the worst parts of the spankings (besides the part where dad or mom began to take down my underwear) was that they were never very hard, more of light slaps instead of hard smacking. In other words, no, they weren't pleasant, it did sting, but it wasn't incredibly painful. This gives me the sick sensation that the punishment was more of meant to embarrass me rather than hurt me. I can't believe my parents did that to me. Because of them I get a sick sensation when I see or hear a child get a spanking. It's disgusting. The absolute worst spanking I ever got was the one and only time I ever got a spanking in front of another person besides my mom or sister, and it was the single most traumatic event in my 28 year old life. My uncle was visiting from about 2 hours away, and it became late and my parents invited him to sleep over so he wouldn't have to drive. I was 10, and pushed my 6 year old sister down when she tried to sit next to my uncle on the couch right before we went to bed. She got mad and hit me, and I pinched her really hard. My father stood up and grabbed my arm. I knew what was going to happen and I was almost in shock. i don't know what I expected him to do, but when he didn't make a move to relocate to privacy I panicked. I ran to my room and locked the door, and my dad came and told me that if I didn't unlock it he would get in anyway and it would be worse. I begged him not to spank me, and he calmly said that yes, he was going to spank me. Crying, I begged and pleaded for him not to pull my pants down. He said he was going to. I was a wreck, about to pee myself and feeling so ashamed. I felt a familiar panicked throb in my genitals. I was so scared I refused to open the door, and my dad went and got a screwdriver to take the doorknob off. The whole time I heard the buzz, I knew what was about to happen. I was crying so hard. My father came into my room and literally dragged me to living room. He smacked my hands away from the buttons on my jeans and yanked them down, along with my underwear. He began to spank me the old way of standing up, at least 5 times before he put me over his knee. My uncle was watching the whole thing. I stood there, with my hands covering my vulva, getting smacked on the butt. After he was done spanking me over his knee, he made me apologize to my uncle with my pants still pulled down. I hate even thinking about this. I got so many of these terrible punishments.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Ashley

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Dec 28, 2011
Ashley:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It really is the trauma and the effects that are important when dealing with what happened in our childhoods, not necessarily the severity of whatever abuse we endured; and you're the poster child for such effects. Proponents of spanking hail the humiliation and embarrassment of this form of physical "discipline" as "part of the package". They claim that humiliation is part of the punishment. I vehemently disagree. I believe that the humiliation is part of the emotional abuse that spankings bring. It's one of the many reasons I am so dead set against it. Parents who use such methods are utterly misguided...and the greatest problem is that they refuse to listen to reason on the long term, if not life-long effects that spanking brings. It is so disturbing to me that parents actually try to brainwash their children when spanking them, saying they're doing it because they "love" them. I don't buy it, and I never will. Hitting a child is wrong on so many levels, whether it's on their bottom or across the face. I fail to understand how our society applauds parents for spanking their children for misbehaviour (children who are basically powerless), yet we charge and incarcerate those same parents if they assault a full-fledged adult who has the capacity to defend him/herself. I've never been able to wrap my brain around this. The adverse affects of spanking are so well documented, yet it continues.

You can get beyond this, Ashley. I strongly suggest you seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with these terrible effects, Ashley. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 29, 2011
Ashley
by: Anonymous

Ashely, what sick, cruelly insane, deluded parents that you had to beat you 24/7...how dare they! That's not discipline; that's just torture. That's not about love; that's just all about power and control. The path that they chose is inexcusable. Oh, and as for your uncle watching that scene...appalling! I'm sure that's because your parents themselves had no respect for you and even your privacy. They had the mindset that you were to be submissive and obedient at every cost. As for your mom, shame on her for running away from you instead of protecting you from that brute of a father! A mother who chooses a sick man over her own precious daughter is the mother who doesn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. Oh, and gloating about spanking you really shows me how uneducated and ignorant they really are. I really hope that you're out of that house now. Oh, and did I mention that they also abused your sister by grooming her to be a bully? Anyway, you are not to blame; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only chose to misuse that power over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Dec 29, 2011
Not alone
by: Scott 1

Hi Ashley. You are not at all alone in your feelings of resentment and deep seated shame. I am also a survivor of a similar shaming ritual in that I was also displayed. Made powerless by an adult as a child. My shaming happened at the front of the classroom. For all friends, nonfriends, neighbours alike were forced/allowed to watch. Unable to breath as your heart tries to escape out your throat causing you to choke and not be able to breath, panic at being undressed in front of others as just part of a punishment. What common sence does that make? Why allow others to watch?!! So you can see I too understand how you feel. Many of us do and live our lives now with the risidual effects. Many like myself have shared their story as a first step in releasing and exposing something not talked about and kept hidden. Im glad you found the courage to share your experiences as writing does seem to help and finding others that have witnessed and experienced the same things will make you feel less alone and more able to let your guard down and perhaps write more if you so choose. Your story my friend is no less awful than the others. Noone can judge how we are effected but us. Its abuse and shouldnt be minimized. I understand. It happened to me.

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Child Abuse Story From Jaclyn B

by Jaclyn B
(Ontario, Canada)

I want to tell my story but alot of places won't cuzs they could be sued I grew up in the CCAS I was in it at age 3 made a crown ward at age 5 I was in 20 foster homes and was abused in 15 of them I was beaten and raped and put on life support and in a comma I had a bad life I was in trouble with the law and I just had my son 18 months ago they took him at birth and they are putting him up for adoption and there going to do the same with the baby I'm pregnant with and I've changed so much in the past 4 years they say they are there for the children but where were they when I needed them they knew what was happening but turned a blind eye but they don't care about most of the kids there's crack heads that have there kids all I want is a chance it's not fair that they can use the past and my illness I have FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) depression and ADHD I'm going for compensation but that won't help I just hope you will read my story some times I don't want to live with out my children but I keep on going cuzs I think of my son and this pregnancy I would never hurt my children like they say I would I know how I was abused and would never do that to my kids




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jaclyn B

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Oct 28, 2011
Jaclyn:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The kind of help you need, no one who visits this site can provide. What you endured growing up is beyond what most can even fathom. You were betrayed and abandoned over and over and over again. The place to start is within your Self, Jaclyn. Understand that you are worthy of dignity and respect, and so is your body. Understand that getting pregnant repeatedly is not going to fill that emptiness inside of you. The way the system is going after you, every pregnancy will only serve to re-victimize you. Please get some form of psychological help for your Self. At the very least, if you can show the powers that be that you are making strides in your life, that you are in recovery, and that you are not the risk they believe you to be, only then do you have hope of access to your own babies. But having babies is not the answer to your plight. You must make better choices for your Self, Jaclyn. Choices that clearly show that you are on the road toward healing and recovery. Pregnancies and babies are not that road. Babies take a great deal of energy and presence of mind. They require so much more that you may not even understand at this point in your life. It's not enough to say that you would never abuse your child, because children need so much more. Work on your Self and your recovery, Jaclyn. Make that the priority...make YOU the priority. You are so worthy of that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 02, 2011
legal advice?
by: My Two Cents

Hi, I had a couple of thoughts I wanted to throw out there for you to consider.

It's my understanding that you have a legal right to procreate - whether that's in the charter, the federal human rights code or your province's human rights code is something for you to investigate.

The state CAN remove children from the custody of their parents, BUT they MUST follow rules when doing it. They have to prove that you are an unfit parent for example on the basis that you are a substance abuser with cocaine lying around your home. Or that you beat your children, or neglect them somehow.

In the case you are describing, it sounds like you are being discriminated against on the basis of disability and possibly also on the basis of your upbringing.

Now, if you agree that could be the case, you can contact the canadian human rights commission and start a complaint. They will investigate, and if they find you have a case, they will fight on your behalf. My understanding is that all of this is free. Our collective taxpayer monies fund this human rights commission.

I would suggest that you ask. It doesn't hurt to ask. And in your favor is a decision that was made in manitoba, I believe in 1997? Google "manitoba, glue sniffing mom forced into treatment". There are parallels with your story. The short version, the mom was a pregnant substance abuser that child welfare in manitoba tried to force into rehabilitation treatment to protect the fetus. It went to court and the court ruled that mom could not be forced into treatment. As I recall, she choose to continue treatment (she was in it when the case was heard) and she got clean, had a healthy child and is apparently still doing well.
Anyways....ask the human rights commission, or a legal aid lawyer and see what happens.

Now, before you think this is a solution, if legal people say you have a case, this does not get resolved in one hour like on t.v. Not for a complicated matter like this. Expect it to take between 3 to 7 years.

I hope that is helpful. I wish you the best of luck in regaining custody of your children.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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Child Abuse Story From Millie

by Millie
(United Kingdom)

it all started when i met a boy called j-- while walking to school. he was 17 and i was 11. we started talking and got friendly. i used to go to a girls school so after school i always met up with him to walk home. every sunday id see him and we'd hang out. but then my parents decided to move to a different house not far away but i still had to change school into a mix school. later i found out j-- was in the same school as me, he was a sixth former. we always hung out for nearly a month especially on a sunday.
then one day, after break time, he took me into the closet sayin lets hide, then without realising he pulled my pants down and raped me right there in the closet. i cried while we were in there but he just told me dont worry get used to it. we had missed 3rd lesson and skipped the rest of the day at school.
trying to forget about what happened he took me to the field, and threw me on the floor sexually abusing me and he was punching me at the same time. then he stood up and tried to push me into the river nearby. but i survived. he left had left and after that i never saw him again. no one still doesnt know about this but i dont know what to do i just need my voice and my story to be heard and want someone to help me.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Millie

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Dec 12, 2011
Millie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Whether or not what happened to you is legally considered child abuse, it certainly was sexual assault. It all depends on the laws of where you live. Tell someone. Tell your parents. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Report it to the authorities. Contact ChildLine on 0800 1111 in order to speak to someone about what happened to you. They are in a much better position to help you than I am or than anyone who visits this site is. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.donthideit.com

This boy is very likely abusing others, and has very likely already abused others before you. Millie, just tell, and keep telling until someone listens. You didn't deserve to be sexually assaulted. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. But you must reach out for that kind of help, and it starts by no longer keeping the secret. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Kourtnee

by Kourtnee
(Utah, USA)

When I was very young my biological mother would often beat me. She was always high on one drug or another and often was asleep on the couch for the most part of the day. She had my older sister when she was just 16 and me when she had just barely turned 18. We always had diffrent men coming through our house but never a true father. The longest one stayed was a year. His name was J**. My birth mother put a rather rapid end to that one when she commited adultry with a man named B****. The first night I ever met B**** was the night that he raped me. I was 7 years old.My birth mom sat and watched on the couch, too drugged out to care. I never reported it until a year ago, at the age of fifteen to my Mom now who adopted me at the age of 8. She was originally my Aunt. I'm sixteen years old now and I have gone through a great deal of therapy but sometimes I still feel angry towards my birth mother for allowing these things to happen to me. I hate her sometimes for giving one of my little brothers Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and for making the other one so messed up he can't even function. But I also feel sorry for her. She hasn't been able to see me grow up at all and she still lives in a mental hospital and she believes that she is still on top. That she's beat the drugs and that she doesn't need them. But if she didn't need them, then why did she love them more than her own children? Sometimes I don't understand what her thinking is but I do know that I was strong enough to conquer this. I made it through and I know taht all of you guys can too. Keep fighting your inner turmoil because I know you all can get through this. Keep the faith!

-Kourtnee




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kourtnee

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Dec 03, 2011
Kourtnee:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've earned that anger, and I understand it oh so well. Allow your Self to feel it fully and deeply, and all the emotions that result. If you ever rage, consider punching a pillow. I used to have a metal tennis racket and an old couch that had big thick pillow-like cushions on the back. During my rage-full moments, I would take tennis racket and use it to pound the cushions on that couch. Of course, it was always a safe place and no one was around me. I made sure of that. Those cushions took such a beating more than once. And while I vented using this method, I would also scream out all that was bothering me, just to let it out. And something amazing would happen, Kourtnee. The release was so healing. I didn't need to do this very often, but it helped during my more difficult angry times. Then I started to turn to just allowing my Self to feel everything I felt...and then something amazing started to happen. Those feelings started to let me go. Not the other way around, like you hear some people say. I always found that I couldn't let go of anything that difficult...it had to let go of me. And when these feelings did let go, I was truly free. Your mother has serious problems. Her brain has been adversely affected by all the drugs. She isn't in her right mind because of the drugs. ot an excuse, just an explanation. What's important is that you are safe, and it sounds as though you are. Stay safe and stay true to Who You Really Are. You're a caring and loving person (I can tell because of the way you feel about your siblings)...don't lose that. Embrace it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Dec 04, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Kourtnee, what a sick, sadistically insane, deluded mother you had to beat, torture and even abandon you to that disgusting pervert and allow him to rape you...how dare she! No one has to go through that! She is so twisted in her own ways of thinking that she doesn't even know how to take care of herself, let alone be a mother to you. Plus, a mother who chooses such a pedophile over her own precious daughter is the mother who doesn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. Oh, and mothers who abuse their own daughters are one of the real abusers. She's got all the power; she just chose to misuse it over you. Oh, and thank goodness you survived; try talking to your aunt because she is always there to help you when you'll need her. I also hope that you try counselling.

Dec 06, 2011
Thank you :)
by: Kourtnee

Thank you so much for letting me vent on here. I've felt so alone for so long and having people comment and actually care means the world to me. I went to court today for B****, but nobody believed me. They all said I was lieing because B**** said I had "begged for it". I felt kinda slutty actually. He got off, charged as not guilty :(, but I plan to keep pressing charges until they actually lock this man up. I want to stop him before he gets to some other little girl.

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Child Abuse Story From Doug

by Doug
(Florida, USA)

Probation: 
when i was an 11-year old boy three of my friends and i were busted for breaking into a feed mill and stealing some jack knives. we were sentenced to a year of probation, and i was required to visit a probation officer once a month, and submit to home visits upon demand. the probation officer took an immediate interest in me that later in life i came to recognize when i was mature enough to understand it. he would pull the shades in his office and lock the door when i appeared for my monthly visit. i came to dread these monthly visits, and as the appointed time would approach, my fear would rise and overshadow any other thoughts or considerations. after my "visit" was over, i would feel incredible relief. however, after several months, the probation officer decided to exercise his right to perform home visits. he happened to show up when my mother was away from home. i quickly learned to keep an eye out for his car, so i could disappear when he turned up. the only trouble with this method of evasion was that i became so nervous and hinky that i was never at rest anymore. i had to keep my eye out for this guy at all times, and i still was required to make my monthly visits to his office once a month. i did not feel that my accusations would do any good against an officer of the court, and as it was, in this small town i was seen as a trouble maker and ne'er do well. many years later, when i heard of his death, i did a little dance of delight.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 08, 2011
Doug:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can only imagine the anxiety you felt. How trapped you were. This pedophile took advantage of his position of authority. It wouldn't surprise me if that's why he got into this line of work to begin with; it gave him a target rich environment with boys who were in a highly vulnerable position. And it was highly unlikely that you were his only victim. He counted on you keeping the secret, knowing that your credibility was non-existent. And I certainly understand your delight at learning of his death. In a sense, his death represents the closing of a chapter in your life. But I will also say that the chapter really isn't closed until you get the help you need in order to deal with the repercussions of what he did and the betrayal of trust and the fact that you were completely and utterly helpless given the circumstances. Please seek out some form of counselling to help you with these repercussions. You may even want to go further by reporting what he did. The statute of limitations may or may not have expired, depending where and when it happened. Other victims may well have come forward. And though justice can't be served to the man who did these crimes, the system should know that they had someone employed who was doing this to young boys. But first and foremost, take care of yourself and get the help you need, Doug. You didn't deserve to be abuse, no matter that you were on probation. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were abused. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Jaycee

by Jaycee
(Oklahoma, USA)

Abused by my Dad: 
My dad hit me he beat me for no reason he thought it was fun he also beat lots of my family and i dont know y i wish he would die thts all i wnt to share right know but i will share the real story later




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 15, 2011
Jaycee:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When you're ready, you're welcome to share more here. Given that there are well over 100 stories in queue at this moment, it takes upwards of 5 or 6 weeks for a story to go live on my site, so you may wish to expand on your story through the comments on this thread. I also encourage you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love, Jaycee. Always remember that. Thank you for sharing your feelings about what's happening to you with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 16, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Jaycee, what a sick deluded father that you had to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! He is a really sadistic brute, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting that sadistic psychopath as well.

Nov 25, 2011
Shocked
by: Mary

I was shocked to read your story, because my husband is also doing that to our oldest son, 3 years old. I did not like it but never knew how to interfere... I hope you will be strong enough to hold on untill your education is complete. I wish you all the best sweetheart.

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Child Abuse Story From McKayla

by McKayla
(USA)

I thought I knew better then to let it happen again. The first time it happened to me I was only four years old. Me and my mom lived in an apartment complex then. Well anyways one day I was at the play ground that was across the street from my apartment. I was playing in the rocks watching them fall when these kids that were older then me started walking my way. I didn't mind as much really care as long as they left me alone. A little while later the boy that look like he was a coulp of years older then me started walking torward me. I stood up wondering what he was up to and what did he want. When he stopped we started talking a little bit. Then he asked me lay down. I said no and started walking away when someone or something hit me on the back of the head. I must have blacked out, because when I came to I was be held down on the ground. That when the boy started pulling down my pants while the girl forceable held my arms down. By then the boy had my pants down and started touching me. I started crying a loudly, but the girl put her hand over my mouth so one could hear.but after that I don't remember anything. But the during the I can remember nobody came to save or stop what was going on right in public where anybody with eyes could see. I never thought this could happen again, but I was wrong. Five years later when I was nine. Me and I family were at of my mom's friend's house when it happened again. Well on the night it happened all the adults were outside talking about what I have idea. I was bored and I heard a loud noise in the back. So I decided to go find out what it was. When I go back there that TV was on pretty loud. I just looking debating if I should watch with them. Well I had one to choices I could bore myself to death or watch some TV. So I decided on choice number 2 which was fun and I hopped on the bed lied to next to the boy that was the same age as me. For a while everything seemed fine when the boy some how got my attention. He said "Here is what I'm going to do to, me"( I am not going to give my name out) with the biggest grin on his face. Then he turned to his sister and started whispering something so I couldn't here. I started freaking out. When I started hopping off the bed he grabbed my arm and pulled me. He had me pinned, I must have hit him in the right spot cause he let me. I started backing away turning around when he grabbed my leg. My body went from a being shock to fight for survival. Even I got tried I didn't give up. The last thing I remember before I passed out was him on of me kissing me over and over. After that I stayed silent for years. Telling myself that I get over this by myself and that I didn't help. Well because I couldn't cope with it I started self harming when I was nine. Well one weekend when me and my family were stay at my grandma's house. I was at the end of my rope when something of me told me to tell somebody. I did and they believed me. Even tho I had told someone they didn't offer any support. So I still felt so alone and helpless. Then one day I went to the school and told her what happened. By law she had to report it and I was releaved, but also scared and worried all at once. I had to tell the police what happened, but when I did. They didn't do anything. At first I was fine with it, but then I got angry. As the months went my feeling got a little better. Now I much feel so better that didn't stay silent like I told myself I would. Beucause if I didn't anybody I don't know if still be here today. Also remember that you its never to late to pick up the phone and call somebody. You're not alone there's always someone out there willing to help.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From McKayla

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Dec 07, 2011
McKayla:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm so proud of you for telling, and continuing to tell until someone did something about it. What's important here is for you to realize that you didn't "let" it happen again. You didn't do anything wrong. You are not to blame. The blame is on the shoulders of the person who abused you. The fact that he was a child sexually offending another child tells me he was sexually abused himself somewhere along the line. That doesn't exactly help you...it's not an excuse, but rather, an explanation. Do not blame yourself, ever. It wasn't your fault. And it will never BE your fault. At both 5 and 9 years old, you weren't in a position to be able to understand how to protect yourself. I'm particularly disturbed by the fact that at 5 years old you were alone, without any type of supervision. That means the adults in your life, likely your parents, weren't there to ensure you were kept safe. That's their job, McKayla. So those adults in your life failed you. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the effects of these assaults, and to help you gain some perspective. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Kelly

by Kelly
(Colorado, USA)

Part 1 - From 1 to 13: 
As a toddler, my dad would 'spank me as when he was spanked as a kid'. But that was a lie. He would always use a belt, even when I was 3. I remember one night I was crying for mom because I had a bad dream and he came in and whipped me until I started crying again with bruises and welts all over my bottom. My dad said he was spanked with a 'wooden paddle' but belts for spanking can cause bleeding and welts... resulting in child abuse. When I was a toddler, I supposedly said a 'bad word' and was given a liquid soap in my mouth that I had to swallow and resulted in a horrid sickness. Now, AT 13, almost 14, I get spanked with a belt if I was frustrated at something (not someone) or got whipped on my arm full force with a jacket with a sharp zipper that still has it's mark on my arm; I 'deserved that hit on my arm' because I said that "school might be closed, so we don't have to go..." PLEASE, IF YOU'RE LIKE ME, TO AFRAID TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE IN CASE OF GETTING TROUBLE... write your story!




Part 2: Just when I thought my life would be okay, it took a turn for the worst. Ever since I was a toddler, maybe 2, I was spanked maybe twice a month. It started when I drew on my dad's "prized possession" of drums" with a marker. We didn't have any paper, so I thought that anything that was white was ok to draw on (I never was taught that it was only paper, and I was only 3). We he saw the line of washable green marker I made on a drum, he flipped out and showed me that it was wrong and permanent (it wasn't permanent, because my mom washed it off later with a tissue!). I got spanked all the time with a belt, nothing else. He spanked me hard on the bottom until I was crying so hard the floor was wet, so he spanked me all the more. Then, I was getting ready for a bath one time after being spanked at least 3 times, and my mom asked why I had red welts all over my thighs. I said, "Daddy spanked me really hard." And my mom didn't do anything. Another time I was crying for mommy after a bad dream one night and my dad came in and whipped me with a belt in the dark. I didn't know why, and I cried even more, and I couldn't sleep after that. To this day, at 13 and a half, I have bad dreams of my mom or dad being so cruel, eviler each time, that I silently cry myself to sleep again. A couple days ago, I thought school might be cancelled, so I told my dad that 'The website might not have it but there might be a snow day.' I left to go downstairs and he whipped me with his jacket on my arm, leaving a sharp-edged zipper mark on my right arm (and it's still there!). He used to tell the truth, like when he would 'Stop spanking me at 13, because when I was a boy I had my spankings stopped at 12.' Another time when I was 12, I was bagging up the basement garbage and he asked if I was done and I was scared because he might scream at me so I started picking up the small paper mess that slipped out of the bag and said, "Some of it spilled!" I thought he was upstairs so I had to make myself louder so he could here me, but instead he ran across his office with his 'traditional spanking leather belt' and hit me hard across the back twice. He said if I ever made a mess again and "yelled" at him I'd be sorry. I pleaded that it was an accident but instead he screamed that I was lazy and careless. My younger sister would get spanked "only if she's rebellious entirely", says my mom, because my sister is her favorite. My 2 year old brother started getting spanked at 1 and 1/2, which caused his colic (most likely) and his fear to obey. He would be told, "Come here now or SPANKY!!" Like he could understand that, he probably thought it meant him getting a spank if he went to dad. Anyhow, I've been verbally and physically abused ever since I was born, and to this day wish I was adopted... I'm too afraid to report child abuse, because I could get in deeper abuse and be "sorry" PLEASE show your story today. That was only 20% of the abuse I experienced :(




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kelly

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Dec 06, 2011
Kelly:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Much as I find it disturbing and wrong, parents have a right to spank their children; but they do not have a right to inflict harm. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be abused, Kelly. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being abused. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 07, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Kelly, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a father and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that beast! I'm disgusted by her reaction towards you being beaten with the belt.It's not even discipline; that's just torture. That's not even about teaching you to behave; that's just all about power and control. He is a manipulative brute. Plus, if you don't tell anyone about it, then you can and will be in further danger and he can and will continue to brutalize you even further; he's proven that already just by the nasty injuries that he's already inflicted upon you. He has the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at every single cost, so get out of that house...AND GET OUT NOW!!! That beast is like a little kid trapped in a grown man's body because he's still stuck in his own childhood. You are not to blame for his sadistic, ignorant behavior; he is to blame because he chose to abuse you. He's got all the power; he just chose to misuse it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting that sadistic beast and your mom as well.

Dec 10, 2011
You can call
by: Anonymous

Darling you do not deserve to be treated like this. Call child protection. It cant be worse than what is happening to you now
Alice

Dec 24, 2011
But...
by: Kelly (The Author)

As much as I struggle with my mom who is nearly impossible to talk to (I have a toddler brother, which I watch when my mom is busy). I try to love her the best I can. My dad admitted when I was younger that his dad was never really there for him, so it is with me and my mom. Sometimes I don't see the point in life, I try to tell my mom I want her to try to talk to me, but she either doesn't understand or is too busy. My dad works in his office 24/7 and I usually never get spoken to him unless I did something wrong. When I was little I grew up abused (my mom actually spoke to me years ago and said my dad and her were going through a seriously hard time, both economically and emotionally) and my mom told me my dad was too hard on me, which was the truth. Now, at 13, already struggling with school and friends I have more of the verbal abuse. The physical abuse is much less except for the few times I mentioned, but the verbal abuse is much like it inside. I get called a d**n daughter, a jerk, and have been called sh** at times. My sister is loud and gets attention, while the only few friends I have say I'm too quiet and need to tell people what I'm going through. I've told them and only this story remains...

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Child Abuse Story From Heidi

by Heidi
(Belgium)

My father was not my real father, it was someone my mother found when I was 2 years old. When I was 7 years old, my mother died in a traffic accident, and my stepfather got the custody over me, and from that day,he started to rape me.
In the beginning he wanted me to sleep with him in his bed, and during the night, I could feel him between my thighs, touching my sex. Later on when still 7 he forced himself inside me, and threathened me to suck him.

When I was 9 he very often tied my hands and ankles, before he entered me, and sometimes he strangled me with a pair of nylon stockings, or a belt. I was terrified, and thought I should die when he did this, but another person inside me liked it, and found it arousing too, and I began to have orgasm when he strangled me. I was so shameful when I had these strong and massive orgasms while standing there, and thinking about it now, where I am older, I still feel so shameful for enjoying it, at the same time as I was terrified about if he should want to hang me to die.
I have had some unstable relationships with different men, but it never seem to work out for me,
Happily my step father died from alcohol abuse when I was 12 years old, and the rest of my childhood I spent in a foster house at the country. These years was the happiest in my life
Heidi




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Heidi

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Dec 09, 2011
Heidi:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You have nothing to feel shameful about. Your body betrayed you during these times. Your body's response doesn't mean that you weren't sexually assaulted. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the unwarranted shame and guilt, as well as the extreme betrayal and abandonment. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I am delighted that you had some very good years as a child, in a family who wanted you and treated you with the dignity and respect and love you deserved. Now it's time for you to treat your Self with that dignity and respect and love by seeking out some professional help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Dec 10, 2011
hush
by: Anonymous

There is a book called 'hush" aby Nicole Barddock Bromley. It is about a girl who was sexaully abused by her step father. There is one page I found really helpful... she says the "body is designed to be touched". It is exquisitely sensitive to touch. Your body behaved NORMALLY - it was the person who awakened all that sexual energy who was wrong. YOU did not sin. I too enjoyed my sexual feelings when I was molested. I later became promiscuous because I learned to enjoy my sexual feelings so much. I hope that doesn't happen to you. I hope you find a kind loving husband who will help you heal. You deserve LOVE, not sex. I work with a counselor who helps me LOVE that little girl who enjoyed her sexual feelings. I have to work on how I felt about my parents who were invovled in domestic violence. My consolation was my sexual feelings. I lived in dreaded fear all my childhood that something awful would happen - and it did. My Mother was killed ina car crash in which my father was driving.I blamed myself because I enjoyed my sexual feelings... I thought I caused it all. I go to Alanon because there was alcohol involved in our family's problems. I have learned that I didnt' CAUSE the family problems, I can't control what happened and I can't CURE what happened... it helped to learn that.
I hope you will keep helping yourself accept your feelings. You are valuable and worthy of great love.

Jan 31, 2012
Hi Heidi
by: Heidi!!!

Hi Heidi! I see we r in sort of the same boat. I wasbin diapers until I was 15. My dad would leave me for a week I. These and wud do them up so I cudnt undo them. He wud sometimes put bugs and glass and pins In them so I cudnt sit down. He would make me lie on our floor And would unlOck the padlock and chains ti get to my private parts. Sometimes he would stick hot irons up my vagina. It was torture. I was completely naked aswell. At about 11-12 my breasts started to grow. He refused to give me anything to cover them up with but poked them and smiled . My story gies on for ages. It shud be on the website soon. Best wishes fir the future and woohoo for all Heidi-kind!!!
Heidixxx

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Child Abuse Story From Jade

by Jade
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was five years old,I was playing hide-n-seek with my uncle and one of his friends. His friend had raped and choked me twice.He had constantly molested me for the next three years. I would love to say he was caught and arrested but he was not.It has been ten years. I still cry at night because of the horrific nightmares. I sometimes wish I could end the pain.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jade

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Nov 20, 2011
Jade:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Ending the pain does not mean ending your life. What a shame it would be to lose someone as wonderful as you. Ending the pain starts with you coming forward, disclosing what happened to you so that people can help you. You said it's been 10 years. If you are still a minor child, please contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. If you mean that it's been 10 years since the abuse stopped, and you are now the age of majority, reach out for help within your community. Seek out some form of counselling or therapy to help you deal with all the repercussions of being sexually abused. Know and understand that what happened to you wasn't your fault. Know and understand that you were sexually abused by someone who had all the power. You are not to blame. Blame lies squarely on the shoulders of your abuser. The nightmares are there to remind you that you need help. Please reach out for that help. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Cynthia

by Cynthia
(USA)

Always watching my back.

Always watching my back.

I am 43 yrs old and i suffered emotional,sexual and physical abuse @ the hands of my father and @ the hands of my mother;neglect.I was so young,shy and timid.I have 3 sisters,2 older and one younger.I was 12 when he started with me. . .but oh how i knew it was wrong! He would stand @ my bdrm doorway jacking off watching me sleep.Then after a while he would come by the bed bribing me,hed tell me that if i let him touch me he would let me go somewhere or do something i wanted to do.Thats when my sis taught me how to roll myblankets around me like a burrito so he couldnt get his hands down there.Shorly after that we told my mom,she threw him out and a week later he returned.So @ the young age of 13 i ran away to never ever return.Most of my childhood memories were of me being locked in a water heater closet with cockroaches and my mom laying on the other side of the door crying with me,my dad wouldnt let her get me out.I would cry myself to sleep.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Cynthia

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Dec 18, 2011
Cynthia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can only imagine the betrayal you felt when you mother, YOUR MOTHER, chose to let a pedophile back into the house, in essence, making you and your sister targets for further sexual abuse. Not only does the pedophile have a lot to answer for, so does your mother. It was HER actions that brought about so much more additional pain. Both their actions were, and still are, criminal. Running away at 13 years of age HAD to have led to many other challenges, and likely other issues of abuse. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with all the repercussions of what you endured, both when you lived with your parents and afterward. You didn't deserve to be abused, Cynthia. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. The best way to watch your back now, at this time in your life, is to get the help you need. It's the most loving thing you can do for your Self. I send you love, light and positive energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Tammy A Concerned Parent

by Tammy
(Oklahoma, USA)

I was not abused but am concerned my son might have been by his grandfather on my ex-husband's side of the family. My son told me about an incident at my ex-in-laws house. He said he was in the "hot wheels room" it was a room for collectable hot wheels. He said he remembers him coming behind him and trying to "tickle" him and he was scared and was yelling for his mamaw, he said he was trying to keep him in the room. My ex-husband's other son has turned out to be homosexual, his brother's son is also homosexual, and in most cases of a homosexual person, they were abused in their childhood. About a year after I was married, there was a secret meeting that I was not told about by anyone when it happened as a matter of fact, my husband never told me about it, it was my sister-in-law. Supposedly my ex-husband had molested his youngest brother and they were going to have a meeting about it. My ex-husband said the meeting never happened that my sister-in-law was lying. I believed him. Later after we divorced he remarried and had a son, the girl he married had a son from a previous relationship. When they divorced and he got visitation with his son, he also took the other boy too. I heard that his ex-wife called CPS and reported that her son made some sexual allegations against him, something that happened in the shower. This again was something that was to be kept quiet in the family and I was never told of it except by my sister-in-law. Several years later, my daughter when to go live with my ex-husband and she told me there were a few occasions he said things to her that made her feel uncomfortable and she was also concerned for her younger sister that he has with his current wife. My ex-husband cheated on me with several young girls, the youngest was 12, he was 20 at the time, the other girls were 14-16. At the time I was young myself so I saw them more as competition as opposed to children who were being taken advantage of because I was so young myself. After 5 years I couldn't deal with it any longer. He then went on to marry and cheated on her, it lasted 2 years and they divorced, right away he married again and this time he has been married 18 years but cheats on her with young girls. I know this because my daughter tells me and is disgusted with him because of it but at the same time she will not tell her step-mother but she feels she has to protect him because she doesn't want to disrupt her sister's life. My ex-husband's brother was the same way and cheated on his wife. The youngest brother who is now 40 is basically a bum, doesn't work has always abused drugs and alcohol, one of his daughters even said at age 13 that she was bi-sexual. The parents have always taken care of the family to some degree finacially or they have cheated or scammed the government to get government aid ect. Two of the boys have a "secret" child with another woman while they were married. The grandfather also had affairs and has a "secret" child with another woman. So now that there is some background on the family, I think my concern is that, why is there so much sexual perversion in that family? Did the grandfather molest my ex-husband and then possibly 3 of the grandchildren? Did my ex-husband molest his brother and possibly his step-son or maybe even his own son? Was my son sexually abused or was there an attempt but it just didn't happen or my son doesn't remember because he has blocked it. He has displayed many of the characteristics of being sexually abused but I just don't know for sure and even if this did happen to him, he probably would not want to do anything about it because he wouldn't want anyone to know. Of all the grandkids, 7 are grown, the 4 youngest and 2 on the way are 8 and under, one is a boy and he is 6. I don't know what to think about all of this or if I should do anything or let it go as long as my son stays away and my daughter does not ever leave her children with her dad or grandfather. She has expressed concern and even said she has not left her son alone with them. She is currently expecting another boy. I started remembering all of these things when my son told me of the incident with his grandfather and there just seems to be too many things to think it is by chance that this happened only to my son or that the two oldest boys from my ex-husband and his brother just ended up being gay. I think something happened to them by someone in the family. Niether my sister-in-law or myself allowed our kids to stay with anyone other than family and the only person they have in common is the grandfather, I don't think it was my ex-husband because her son never stayed with him but both boys and my son were always with the grandparents when they were growing up. It is scary to think this could have happened and the potential for it to continue is still there but then I feel guilty too because the grandfather was always so nice and soft toned just a likable person and the kids loved him. My son never resisted going over there and I don't remember my sister-in-law saying anything about her son not wanting to go unless something happened when they were very young and they dont remember. I just dont know.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Tammy A Concerned Parent

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Oct 04, 2011
Tammy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

First of all, I will tell you that you're very mistaken when you state that most homosexuals were themselves sexually abused as children. That's a myth...it just isn't so. Secondly, the vast majority of child sexual assaults are done at the hands of someone the victim knows, and that is mostly family members, including grandfathers that may seem mild mannered. I'm not saying that your ex's father is responsible...what I'm saying is that you don't know what you don't know. Thirdly, no one who visits this site can answer the questions you have, except to tell you that as your child's mother, it's your duty to ensure his safety. You already know things about your ex's family that point to a very real possibility of abuse. Certainly your ex is a child sex offender. The most important thing is to report what you suspect to Child Protection Services. This is not something one goes to the family to discuss; they'll all either deny it or go into protection mode, which will do nothing to help your son, or other people's children. Sexual offenders do not stop their offending ways until someone makes them stop, Tammy. Report what you know and what you suspect. At the very least, contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you as a parent. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Oct 05, 2011
Sexual abuse can cause confusion but never...
by: Anonymous

homosexuality. The boundaries are skewed & therefore survivors have a tough time understanding their own feelings. But if a person is gay, they are simply gay.

From what you've said it sounds like a generational abuse...from grandpa to sons to grandsons & so on.

Please take Darlene's advice for your sons sake & maybe other future children your ex might hurt.

Oct 05, 2011
Huge warning signs - act now!
by: Jill

Tammy,
Your gut is telling you that something is wrong in your ex-husband's family's behavior. You hear your child telling you that something is wrong with the family's behavior. What is confusing your ability to take action and protect your child and other children who may be affected is waiting for some kind of clear-cut evidence.

The situation you and your son are in is one of association with this "family image" mixed bag. To sort all the things going on in there is to waste time on the details. See the big picture. The image of the "nice" grandfather is simply that - an image. The image of your ex. as a dad is simply that - an image. The image of a gay uncle is simply that - an image. Pay attention to their BEHAVIOR toward your son and other children. That is where the problem lies. None of these people are behaving like mature responsible adults toward children. That is where you can take action.

Tickling is not a nice behavior, though our culture pretends it's supposed to be fun. Forced tickling when a child wants to get away is abuse. Yes it is! I experienced this as a child, my father started w/ a game called tickle tickle and it hurt so much. I cried and he would laugh and do it harder. It led to sexual abuse. A person (grandfather) who does this is taking their inability to feel their feelings and anger out on your child. He isn't behaving in a mature loving or protective manner. He isn't loving at all, it's just a cover up.

Your ex's family incest history is a huge concern. The fact that everyone in the family seems to be hiding or revealing secrets, that there have been allegations from children against your ex-husband, and that he has had affairs with 14 year old girl is a blazing sign that this man is a creeper pedophile and does not have the capability of being a father or have your son's/other children's best interest in mind. He just doesn't ever get caught and get put behind bars.

What more do you need? I would recommend for starters that you no longer allow your son to be alone with this family of immature adults - ever. His father has visitation rights, but does he have the right to be alone with him with this type of history? I don't think so. I would seriously get some professional help in sorting this matter out for your son's sake. Children can be sexually abused without remembering it afterward. The only way you can guarantee that your son is safe is to be there. I had to do this with my children to protect them from "nice" family members with incest history. I'm so glad I did because as teenagers now, they appreciate that I chose their safety over my family's desires.

Let your understanding of this situation push your fears of your ex's family images out of the way so you can protect your son.
Be extremely open about this - no more secrets breaks the cycle of sexual abuse. Teach him how to grow up and protect himself.




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Child Abuse Story From Natalia

by Natalia
(Location Undisclosed)

It was only a summer trip my parents sent me with my younger brother (im 13) everything was fine until my cousin started to touch me, i kept pushing his hand away and telling him that he cant do that especially to his cousin.

After a few weeks we were left alone and he lay on me, i tried to push him away but it did nothing as i was to weak, i did tell him to stop but he said that he cant. He rubbed my breasts, kissed me... It lasted an hour as i tried to get out, an hour of hell. At the end he threatend me that if i tell anyone hell do it again.

I was helpless, i had noone.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 07, 2011
Natalia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You were helpless then, but you are no longer helpless. Tell someone. Tell a counsellor at school or a teacher or an elder at your church or a friend's parents if you can't tell your own parents. Your feelings will only fester if you keep it inside. This is not a secret you can keep holding onto. Sex offenders are cowards. They threaten in order to ensure the child or youth stays quiet. If you keep the secret, not only will you continue to be haunted by what happened and adversely affected, but it may also mean that others will suffer the same fate. Please contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused, Natalia. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From LockedInside

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

It is very hard for me to write this but what happened to me has had so many repurcussions and I am still searching for a way through. I have basically messed up my life because of the ways i have tried to deal with it all - I have had an eating disorder for 20 years, I self-harm, have OCD and depression and although I have had some support with these things it seems people are never really interested in WHY i do all this stuff to myself.
From as far back as I can remember I was sexually abused by a very close friend of the family. I lived just with my mum and because she had problems of her own I lived part of the time with this person and his wife. They looked after me from right after I was born so it is impossible for me to guess when it started.

He could be very nice and loving when not being abusive and at some point I began to see him as two people and I always felt it was me that did something to make 'the bad one' come out. The first things I rememeber are touching and then he would make me perform oral sex on him. He began penetrating me with objects at about 7 and then raping me at 8. At this point I knew it was wrong but though I had left it too late to tell anyone because people would think I had wanted to do all the other stuff.

At some point his wife also became involved and they also took me to a friends house where he was given money to let other people abuse me. I sometimes got money too and I feel so guilty and disgusting for taking it - it feels like I was saying it was okay. Sometimes I was so scared and in so much pain I thought i was going to die.

He continued to abuse me even after I left home at 18. I know I should have been able to stop it - especially as an adult but something just seems to happen in my brain just from hearing his voice and I can't behave the way I want to I can't scream or run. Any time I have tried to fight back it has never worked - he has tried to suffocate me with pillows and about three years ago cracked two of my ribs. I thought that was the last time and that I had become a bit stronger. I moved house this year and have been trying really hard to make changes and be a bit nicer to myself. Then about a month ago he suddenly turned up and he raped me again. I feel so disappointed in myself i just don't know what to do. I have tried talking to my mum about it but he has convinced her I am trying to blame my problems on someone else. She says I am lucky he is so understanding.

I have told professionals about it but never seem to get anywhere. Just now I am finding things really hard. I want to have a 'normal' life but I don't see any future for myself. I know it makes me sound like a weak person but it's just too hard to live anymore. I;m sorry this is so long but thank you for reading it and for the opportunity to share it.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 02, 2011
To LockedInside:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Being the victim of sexual child abuse from the time you were so young has created a dynamic between you and the abuser, especially since you were dependent on him (both him and her) for so long. This dynamic doesn't suddenly disappear when one miraculously becomes an "adult" in the eyes of the law. Not at all. You can't blame your Self for the choices you did and did not make as a child. You cannot be held responsible for any of it. None of the abuse was or is your fault. Fault lies squarely on the shoulders of your abusers because they chose to abuse. Don't make the mistake of applying more mature adult values on your Self as a child. That's not fair to your Self. Your abusers had all the power and control...and they misused that power and control. And one of them at least continues to exert that power and control over you. Now that you are an adult, you must take your power back. First of all, know with absolute certainty that you are worthy of dignity and respect and love. TRUE love...not what you're currently dealing with. Then begin by treating your Self with that dignity and respect and love. Break your ties with these people. What's he's now doing is sexual assault. Report it. Do not allow him in your home. Ever. He can't be trusted. Only YOU can break this cycle. Consider a restraining order against him. Just start stepping up for your Self. The right kind of counselling or therapy can help you to build your confidence. But it starts with YOU. You're strong enough...I know this because you've survived so much already. You may have to break ties with your mother as well, at least for a time, because she's only enabling the abuse. Do what you must for your Self. You're too worthy not to. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 09, 2011
Don't give up!
by: Gem

Darlene is right, you are too worthy!! You have gone through so much, yet you're still here which means that you are a strong woman and worthy of a happy life. Don't say you're not!! It's time for you to start living a happy life and get away from all those who have hurt you and not believed you. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I wish this from the bottom of my heart! Be safe, be happy and start living your life now!

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Child Abuse Story From Emily

by Emily
(Houston, Texas, USA)

Ever since I was young, my mother has been a constant threat to me. I've always been terrified of her, yet defiant at the same time.
Now, my dad used to be worse than he is now. He often spanked me with his belt, and I remember one particular incident where he dragged me up the stairs and made me sit on the bed while he reached into his closet for his belt. I just broke down in tears, begging him, "Please, Daddy! I promise, I won't do it again! Please, no!" Something flashed in his eyes, and he put away his belt and told me to go play. That was the last time he'd hurt me. I was probably about 4 then.
My mom, on the other hand, is crazy. She and my dad had a very strange relationship. My dad is always sarcastic and criticizing her, and I honestly don't know how my mom can stand it. He is a bit selfish and is very opinionated. I believe that's where most of my mom's stress comes from. They fight constantly over stupid things like where to eat for dinner.
My mom also abused me a bit when I was little. There's this little yellow comb...it still gives me the chills just thinking about it...that she used to fix my hair. If I ever squirmed while she was doing my hair, she would slap me on the butt with it. Now, it wasn't ungodly painful, but it was a little bit of a sting. Sometimes, if she was in a really bad mood, she would practically rip the comb through my hair as she got the tangles out. She'd hit me with a couple other things too, like a hair straightener (not turned on), hairspray, etc. I also used to have this rocking chair that I would have to sit in in my room whenever I was bad. Once when I was about 2 or 3 she sent me upstairs for doing something bad and I had to sit there the whole day. My sister came and snuck some mac-n-cheese for me to eat, but I eventually got bored. So I took out a book and started to read it. Well, my mom came in, found me reading, and pushed me out of the chair. I fell and somehow my fingers got stuck under the chair. I still have a scar there, but I don't really remember the incident. My older sister had to tell me it. Another strange punishment my mom forced upon me was, around 8 years old, she got mad at me for something and told me that I wasn't allowed to take showers anymore, I now had to take baths like a little baby. I then took baths up until I was about 10, because she was always getting mad at me for something.
When I was about 9, I really wanted to take dance lessons. So, my best friend and I began taking classes at a private dance studio until we were 11. My friend then joined the school dance team, while I decided to join the private dance team. I wasn't very good, to be honest, and everyone knew it, but I just loved dancing and I needed some way to feel...accepted, I guess, so I kept trying. My mom constantly threatened to take me out because I didn't want to practice doing my splits at night, or because I didn't like fixing my hair a certain way. I was always being criticized because I wasn't as good as the other girls. She never came and told me that I did a good job after a dance at a competition. She only told me things like, "your leap was awful" or "you weren't smiling at all". 6th and 7th grades were really hard for me, because that's when the main emotional abuse started. Once, in 6th grade, I thought I left my cell phone at a restaurant. So my mom and I drove there to see if we could find it, but we couldn't. All the rest of the way home she ranted about how ungrateful and irresponsible I was. She told me that I was pathetic and all I wanted was sympathy from everyone else. I supposedly only wanted attention. Then she slapped me across the face and left me there in the car. Later I found my phone under my bed, for it had fallen.
Once she threw a magazine at me and shouted, "Find a hairstyle in here that you like, but it has to be short. Tomorrow I'm taking you to the salon to get your hair cut off." I cried and cried until she finally agreed to let me keep my hair. This was when I was about 11 or 12.
I quit dance when I didn't make my high school dance team (and my best friend did), and again the emotional abuse sky rocketed from there. I knew she hated me because I wasn't like my older sister, who was on the dance team all 3 years in high school (you couldn't be on it freshman year) and was great. She made pretty good grades and was popular. Teachers loved her. She was gorgeous and could sing like an angel. I was always so jealous of her. I knew my mom wished that she'd never had me, although she'd never admitted it (YET). All I wanted was to make her proud.
Now I'm 15 years old, still living with my parents and my older sister (who is almost 22). I've been called fat (indirectly), unappreciative, bratty, rude, moody, stupid, etc. I'm tired of this abuse. I'm doing well in school, but not as well as I could be doing. I'm too tired and angry to do anything anymore. My friends are talking about me behind my back (well, that's just what I presume is going on, because they do it to everyone else) about how moody and lazy I am. I'm in choir (and I have been since 6th grade) and my mom now wants me to take voice lessons to whip my voice into shape before a competition coming up. I'm too insecure, unconfident, and shy in general to sing by myself in front of anyone, and my mom HATES it because she thinks I'm just putting on a poor-me act. SHE'S the one that made me that way, too unconfident to do anything, so it's HER to blame, not me.
So all I'm doing in life is waiting for someone to notice. I feel like a pathetic loser and major wimp and an exaggerate. I just want someone to notice, to care enough to ask me if I'm okay, even if I'll lie and say yes. I'm slowly making my way through life and I really just need someone there for me. If I tell my friends anything, they'll probably think I'm just doing it for attention. All I want is someone to notice. I pray every night that someone will notice and I'll actually feel like I'm worthy of attention and love. But for now, I suffer in silence.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Emily

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Oct 13, 2011
Emily:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are so NOT a loser. You just learned to believe the lies your mother has called you and taught you about yourself. But they simply aren't true. Your mother has serious problems, problems she's been taking out on you for years. What's so difficult to understand when you're the child or adolescent in these circumstances is why. And what happens is that you blame yourself and believe that somehow you're the one responsible or flawed. You embrace the lies and tell yourself all the nasty things you've been called. In other words, you internalize all of it, and even embellish on how much of a terrible person you think you are. But let me share something with you, Emily. It isn't your fault. You are not to blame for your mother's actions, reactions and inactions. SHE is. This is on HER, not you. Your mother is the one with the problems. She's the one who loses control. She's the one who screams and yells and flies off the handle. She's the one who misuses her power in a way that hurts and harms you. As the adult, she has all the power. But power in the hands of someone who is emotionally stunted, often because of their own childhood, is power that leaves wounds and scars on the people they decide they're going to lash out at. You DO matter, Emily. You ARE worthy. You're worthy of dignity, respect and love. Please reach out to Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be mistreated. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated. Call the number. You're too worth it not to. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 13, 2011
See your inner Swan
by: Jill

Emily,
You finally found the right place and so and you shall receive! It is so important at your age to hear positive words from the adults you can trust in your life. I had a family who were unable to do that for me too.

Your strength lies in seeing beyond your mother's image to her dysfunctional childish behavior. You are not a carbon copy of your sister, you are you. She can't encourage you because she's disappointed in herself as a person, not you. She's just covering it up.

She's been abusing you for years by putting you in places where you're destined to get run over. When it happens, she gets a secret joy and watching you suffer. Really she's just a 3 yr old child inside pitting you against your sister like toys. Requiring you to whip your voice into shape for a competition your'e not ready for is just another opportunity to hurt you. Sadistic isn't it? Your older sister is also an adult and it sounds like she is also not able to encourage or be there for you either. They're both running away from themselves.

You're a very strong person for not settling for less than healthy relationships with others. Find activities where you can surround yourself with mature, positive people who see you as a person, not an image of who they think you should be. You are open with yourself and others, you are real, alive and insightful. Keep your options open. What you do is never who you are. Who you are is what's inside of you!

Since your mom and sister aren't dependable, it's time for you to depend on yourself to find your way and take charge of direction you take in life. Your life's too precious to waste any more of your time getting involved in your mom's suffering and drama. Yes she's a drama queen mama! She's looking for attention wherever she can get it. Separate yourself from all that. See her for what she is, a miserable child in an adult's body, and at 15, you've outgrown her.

Be there for you from now on. Realize that no one, not even your mom can make your life miserable because you have the strength to make your life beautiful no matter what. Never give up. Every moment of your life you can do the thing that has a positive effect. Your inner voice is always positive and sure, it helps you know what to do next. Listen to yourself, you are a beautiful swan of a girl.

P.S.

Our family is reading the book by Alexandra Robbins "The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth". It reads like a documentary on High School Stereotypes and how kids turned their problems into solutions. My kids are 13 and 16 and it's been so helpful for them because they are swans too.


Oct 14, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Emily, your mother is wrong. You are not pathetic; you are strong. You are not fat; you are not ugly; you are beautiful. You are not unappreciative; you are not bratty; you are not rude; you are not moody; you are a good person. You are not stupid; you are not irresponsible; you are smart and articulate, so never believe any of those lies that she is spewing. The path that she and even your dad chose is inexcusable; something's seriously wrong with them. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power (while relinquishing some to your dad) and only misused that power over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting them.

Oct 15, 2011
Love will find you...
by: Peyton

Hello Emily, you are not alone, although you may feel like you are. Each of us has our own experiences so yours of course is unique, but I can relate to you. Some of my hardest years were when I was a teen. I need and wanted attention so badly, the good news is I found it in many different places and you WILL too! The key to happiness is to find the love you need from within yourself and believe you deserve and will have all you want and need. You deserve to have love from other people in your life too. You deserve to have love, acceptance, care, and respect from your parents, but some parents can't give what their children need because they are flawed, often selfish.

When we are needy for love, sometimes we find it in the wrong places. I hope and pray for you that you will have the intuition and strength to accept it only from safe people. Often those of us who want and need love the most find attention from the wrong people. When we are abused, some of us don't know what is healthy and what warning signs to look for, but you can learn this. A problem for me in life has been setting boundaries too. Do your best to look out for #1 and that is you!

Although your life experience so far has not been favorable, it is possible to live a happy, fulfilling life. I have a mom who I just can't make accept me or love me for who I am just as I am. I know it is a sickness she has, but it's still hard for me to let it go and accept she cannot give me what I want from her, unconditional love and support. I am in my late thirties and my past still affects me each day, BUT life has brought so much joy too, and I wish this for you. Don't let sadness and anger and frustration get the best of you. You have every right to feel these or any other feelings, but don't let the bad thoughts get the best of you.

Imagine your future bright and full of love. Tell yourself stories about the near future full of what you want and need to feel good. Your dreams will become reality. Trust that you will thrive in life, not just get by. You are the best at one thing in this world, and that is being you. No one else can be you as perfect as you can. You are just as important as anyone in this world as anyone else. Your singing and dancing are perfect gifts to this world. You may not be the best in everything you compete in, but you still are meant to shine in YOUR way! God is smiling down on you and has not left you to suffer with your mother and father alone, it may feel like it, but life is strange. You could have the worst day of your life and wake up the next day to have the best day ever! Keep strong for yourself and tell yourself everyday what you wished you heard from your mom. I send my love and all the best to you. Your story shows that you are special and amazing. You are going places in this life you have, I just know it! Dream big! You are divine and happiness is coming your way!

Nov 08, 2012
Thank you!!
by: Emily

It's been a while since I posted this, and thank you so much for caring and commenting. Really, it means a lot. Things are much better now. I haven't told anyone yet, and my mom still has strange punishments. I'm 16 now, a junior in high school. Learning to drive was really a horrible time. I was so terrified that she would yell at me, that it affected my driving and caused me to do stupid things. She almost didn't let me take my test because she thought I was a bad driver.
I've also found that she's only proud of me when I succeed. I got first in a recent choir competition and she was happy about it; however when I don't do well she says things like "well, I never hear you practicing, so it sounds like it's your problem!". She doesn't talk to me much anymore, which is fine by me. I'd rather her ignore me than constantly be yelling! Don't worry, everything is fine now. Thanks for all the support!

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Child Abuse Story From Kyko

by Kyko
(Location Undisclosed)

Normal, stable....those were two things I never had. Growing up as the middle child out of five was hard. I was treated different and I hated it. My oldest sibling was never around so I never really had to interact with her. The second oldest though was different. She was a prize to most people. Always in the spot light. The same with my two younger siblings. Everything that went wrong was blamed on me. It started out as nitpicking and name calling. Home, and even school, was always a emotional heck for me. Everywhere I went I was told I was worthless, no good, that I would never be as good as my sisters. I was sad all the time, depressed. My grades started to slip slightly and I started to show the signs of being an emotional eater. The weight gain didn't help either.

Middle school were a few rough years for me, personality wise. I was depressed, angry, I never smiled. I moped around the school in a constant bad mood. At home wasn't too much better. I screamed and yelled, got into fights with my mom, ending with me getting slapped across the face every now and then. She always apologized for it later but it did nothing to warm me to her. Finally a few teachers started to notice just how bad my attitude was and a therapist was called in. I instantly didn't like the woman or the questions she asked and I finally told her off, telling her that if she wanted to know so badly then she could find out for herself.

My last year of middle school ended with me getting expelled after getting mad at a teacher and the vice-principal and throwing a desk at them. Despite how bad my earlier years were, my high school years were torture. By my junior year in high school I was spending four out of seven days of the week in the ER, whether it was for a broken ankle, a head injury, or the numerous cuts and bruises I acquired at school. My older sister was always behind the beatings, of the constant pain and fear I felt. My parents half the time just shrugged it off as though the bruises on my face weren't really there.

I hated my life! Getting up in the morning was the hardest thing I had to do. Every time I woke up I cursed God for the breath he gave me. Everyday at school I flinched and cringed, ducked and hid, trying not to draw any attention to myself afraid that if I did, I would end up spending another night at the hospital. I hated my sister, I hated the people who hurt me, and I hated myself. I thought that it was my fault. That I must have done something to make my sister hate me so much.

My grades hit rock bottom, which is what I believe drew my parents attention at last. My mom started visiting the school office regularly, telling them that if they didn't fix the problem, then she would. By then it was too late though. I was terrified, fearful for my own life, too scared to go near that school, to leave the safety of my own bed. By senior year, I hated all of mankind. I hated humans and I hated myself. By senior year I had visited the hospital too many times to keep count and had bruised or been cut on just about every inch of my skin

Unlike the lucky ones' who stories end with a happy end, end with them getting out of the mess alive, I'm not so lucky. I lived through that heck to the very end of my eighteenth birthday. I still go through it even now whenever I'm near my family. I can't go home and I can't imagine ever wanting to. I've come close to dying a few times, seen death with my own two eyes and yet here I am to share the tale. Even now, as an adult, I'm scared. I can't trust or love anyone, not even myself. Many people may think I'm being overly dramatic, but when you've lived a life of constant fear of someone who's suppose to love and care for you, life becomes nothing more than void.

Some are lucky to climb out of it and I am trying to do the same, but child abuse is hard to come back from. Especially when your life was centered around it. I may forgive the people for the wrongs they've committed, but I will never forget the darker side of humans.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kyko

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Oct 16, 2011
Kyko:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are still seething with hatred, anger and hostility over what you were forced to endure growing up. I'm astounded that the medical professionals at the hospital didn't make a report given all the trips to the ER you had. Surely to goodness someone must have questioned the injuries, the frequency. By not reporting to Child Protective Services they did not do their due diligence, and as a result, you were thrust back into the abuse and mistreatment. When you told the therapist off and told her to find out for herself what was going on, you were simply lashing out at the first person you were able to lash out at. Your parents betrayed and abandoned you, and so did the school and so did the medical people in charge of helping you to heal. All they did was enable the assaults. No one stepped up for you, Kyko, no one. Now, as an adult, you must step up for your Self. That is sometimes difficult to do when you've never had it modeled in your own life...but you know what didn't happen for you, which means that on some level you know what you need, even though a part of you may well fight it. That's what happened to me. Deep down I knew I needed professional help, but I didn't want to admit it because I thought it meant I was crazy. I wasn't crazy, I was in a great deal of pain, pain I needed help with. If one breaks their arm, one goes to the hospital to get it set. If one is bleeding uncontrollably, one gets medical attention. If one is in need of emotional help, one seeks out therapy or some form of counselling. I highly recommend the latter, Kyko. There is no shame is admitting you need the help. Indeed, the only shame is when you need it and don't get it. You didn't deserve to be abused by your sister or anyone else. You didn't deserve to be ignored and to have to deal with everything all alone. You didn't deserve to be betrayed and abandoned. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect and love. You now deserve help for the fact that you didn't get any of that. Reach out for the help you need, Kyko. Only you can make that choice for your Self. When you do, it's the most loving thing you will have ever done for your Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Jill

by Jill
(Connecticut, USA)

Big, Deep, Breath. Ok, I have never told my story to anyone...I've always felt it didn't matter and 'was not that big of a deal'..I still kind of think that way. It happened when I was around 8 years old, I am now 28. It's not as horrid as what most of the others have been through so I feel guilty for even posting it. Anyways here goes.. It was my self and a bunch of other kids from the neighborhood playing hide n seek..I found what I thought was a good hiding place by an oil tank on the side of a house. I was laying face down on the ground for a minute or so then out of the blue I felt my pants being yanked down to about my mid thigh...I looked back and saw my rear end exposed and my friends 19 year old brother on top of me naked rubbing his bare genitals on my backside...I honestly didnt now what to think. He then got off of me, I stood up, pulled up my pants n walked back home in disbelief. Whats odd to me is I blocked it out up intill 10 years ago or so. I also had another expierence when I was 10 or so w/ another older boy in the neighborhood. I believe he was 13. I was friends w/ his sister so I would go to her house n he would be there. It started by him making comments about my breasts being small. It then turned into him shoving his hands up my shirt and fondling me. This went on for a few months. It then escalated into him pitting his hands down my pants. What I'm about to say is weird but in some ways I enjoyed the attention he gave me. It all stopped when I moved away. After that I would have reoccurring nightmares and a bedwetting problem. I don't know if it was caused from that or not. There was also other problems going on in the home. My dad would hit my mom and dinner ended up on the wall on several occasions. I even vaguely remember my dad throwing a knife at my moms leg. I know I was affected in some way by the things I witnessed and experienced..I was very promiscuous at a very young age..12.. It was always consensual tho. It was always w/ men 19 or older. I hated myself.. I let these men take advantage of me and let them do whatever they wanted to me. I even caught multiple STD's..I know, disgusting, right? I also know it has affected me cause its REALLY hard for me to make friends and form lasting friendships...that's what I dislike the most about myself..i dont know how to talk to people so therefore I don't have friends, only acquaintances. I now have two wonderful daughters and I'm completely obsessed with keeping them safe from any harm. I don't let them go anywhere that I am not, with the exception of school. I'm paranoid that someone could harm them in a sexual way. I have trust issues. That could also be from my mom..i cant really remember her talking to me conversating or hugging or telling me she loves me. I feel like im whining. I can't believe I actually told what I've been holding in for 20 years! Well, Thank You for letting me vent and for taking the time to read this and sorry it's so long an scattered. I have faith that I will be healed from what ails me, through my Savior Jesus Christ!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 21, 2011
Jill:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your story came out just right. And try not to minimize what you went through. It's not about whether or not your story is worse than someone elses. It's about the effects you're left with as a result of what happened to you. It's about not burying the pain any longer. And clearly, you've been left with effects. You were sexually assaulted by multiple males throughout your childhood. At 12 you were not in a position to consent, so please stop thinking that the sex was consensual. It wasn't. Period. End of story. At 19, the man who you believe you had consensual sex with actually raped you. Think abut it, Jill. Would you even come close to blaming your 12-year-old daughter for a sexual encounter with a man who is 19...I don't think so. You were 12, Jill, 12, and even younger. You were looking for ways to get the love you didn't get from your father. Love that you were denied, but that you needed. That didn't make you complicit in sexual abuse, it made you victimized. Ask yourself just what exactly is going on when a 19-year-old is having sex with a 12-year-old...he was a pedophile, Jill. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured in your abusive environment, what you were forced to witness, and what you endured at the hands of others who took advantage of your youth and vulnerabilities. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And your daughters deserve to have a mother who is present, happy and healthy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 22, 2011
degrees of abuse
by: My Two Cents

Jill,

Abuse is abuse. Whether person x's or person y's abuse was worse, more severe, more sadistic, whatever; all that is irrelevant in this context.

What's at issue here is that YOU experienced an action or actions that you precieved to be abusive and it had an effect on you.

Please don't worry that "it wasn't that bad" or "at least it wasn't....". That stuff is all irrelevant. What's important now is to deal with the effect the abuse had on you.

You were a child. Your body belongs to you and regardless of age, no one should be touching it without your permission. It doesn't matter if you were manipulated into it, or if physical force was used or drugs or threats. Nobody should have hurt you or touched you in a way that would hurt you. The gender of the abuser doesn't matter. What the abuse was doesn't matter - what matters is that your trust was taken away from you.

I hope you have a counsellor that understands that, that is helping you get through this.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed111

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Too embarrassing: 
When I was six my sister who name will not be said hit me for no reason then when ever my parents left she hit and hit and hit me until there was red on me.And when I told my parents (No Telling) My sister said that I was a lieing and my parents said are you lieng I said no and they you better not be.And when I was 11 she told me that I was ugly and no would like me and I would die alone i was fat im stupid she kicked my dog when my parents where gone to I'm 12 now and she still dose that stuff occasionally but, my father wasn't abuses om neither was any one in my family so I was never sure where she got it. I don't wanna get her sent to jail or anything like that but life before that was accally pretty good carefree. I just wanted my story to be heard. And for me to feel like I'm not the just a brown head glasses ADHD 12 year old little girl.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 18, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

First of all, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Second of all, your sister needs help with her anger. Whatever is troubling her she is taking out on you. That won't change as long as you keep the secret. You didn't say how old your sister is...if she's still a minor child (not yet a grown up), she very likely won't be sent to jail for what she's doing to you. You need to talk to someone, otherwise she could seriously hurt you. Talk to a school counsellor or a trusted teacher. I suggest you contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You don't deserve to be mistreated. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated, and that your parents aren't stepping up to ensure you stay safe. Call one of the hotline numbers. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 18, 2011
Tell someone
by: Cassidy

If you don't want to feel like that anymore than you should tell someone you trust. Now obviously your parents don't believe you which isnt right but you can tell someone else like a doctor,teacher,principal,aunt,uncle,grandparents. Anyone you trust because if you don't you won't feel good about yourself and start to doubt everything you do which isn't healthy. Your sister is the one who should be embarrassed not you. She's the one who is hurting their sister and her dog. All you need to do is tell someone you trust.

Oct 18, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a sister...how dare they! The path that she and your parents chose is inexcusable. Oh, and she is wrong. You are not stupid; you are smart and articulate. You are not unlovable; you are lovable. You are not fat; you are not ugly; you are beautiful, so never believe any of the lies that she is spewing. Oh, and kicking a dog is what I'd like to call Animal Cruelty because animals have feelings too...and abusing animals is just as wrong. Anyway, you are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame (and so are your parents for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from her). She had all the power and only misused it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Dec 09, 2011
Been there
by: Anonymous

I was abused in a similar way by my brother, who is five years older ( I am female). He beat me up constantly and emotionally abused me. The abuse happened in my tween- teen years, and it has caused me a lifetime of problems that I don't think I can ever fix (which ultimately led to psychiatric problems). i believe my brother suffered/s with guilt which led him into alcoholism (he is now recovered and finally apologized for all he put me through). Please tell your pediatrician or school counselor about this. Your sister needs help. My brother was tormented at school & possibly had other trauma that he has never spoken of that caused him to lash out on his easiest victim-me. Your sister is taking out her inner turmoil on you and will one day regret all that she is doing now to hurt you, and you and she still have time to develop a close, lifelong sibling relationship that is free of abuse.

Hugs- you deserve love and protection from your sis

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed112

by Name Undisclosed
(Arizona, USA)

I was about 5 years old when this happend to me. I remember waking up from a nap after school and my dad was cooking something on our gas stove i could tell he was high he is a heroin addicit and still is to this day. But i remember him taken what he was cooking off the stove and light all the burners on the stove and told me to lay down on top of the gas burners. As i tryed to run out my front door he ran after me and took me back to the stove he then put my arm over the heat and held it there. I could feel my skin melting and every moment of the mins he made me hold my arm there i wanted to kill him !!!! After it was over he told me to go to the basment where he begain beating me with a broom stick. I lost my right arm and have had over a 1000 stitches in my legs, arms,stomach, face,back. I am 16 now and my dad still abuses me. My mother died and i know my father had something to do with it. He tells me my day will come to be just like my mother 6 feet under. So i wait i never try to leave cause if im cought i will pay. Im waiting to be with my mother in heven. I cant wait till my dad kills me too...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 20, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You don't want to die, you want to be out of pain. Pain on so many levels, pain you don't deserve. With all your injuries and all the stitches the doctors have had to use to put you back together, it's incomprehensible that no one would report suspected child abuse, that no one would come to your aide. Since no one is stepping up to help you, you must help yourself, you MUST get out of there. Call the police, Child Protective Services, tell a trusted teacher, a counsellor; though I cannot understand how they would fail see your injuries and report that something is wrong. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the horrific abuse you are still dealing with. Like I said, you don't want to die, what you really want is to be out of pain. Child Help are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You deserve to be treated with love and dignity and respect. You don't deserve a psychotic heroin addict in your life, one who's trying to take your life. Call the number so that you can begin restoring what's left of your confidence and self-esteem. You're too worthy not to make that call. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 20, 2011
Tell someone
by: Cassidy

That is sick what your dad does to you GET HELP. I mean don't you want to fall in love, have kids, and start over? I doubt your mom would like to die in vain.(sorry if that's a touchy subject) but I do suggest you get away from him like now no one deserves to be treated like that. Your dad is messed up no doubt. And if you for some reason die how do u know your dad won't hurt anyone else? Please tell someone its the right thing to do. God bless and goodnight

Oct 20, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

What a sick, sadistic, cowardly, cruelly insane, depraved, deluded father that you had to burn you, beat you, torture and berate you 24/7...how dare he! That beast needs to go to prison right now for those terrible crimes that he committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for that psychopath's sadistic behavior; he is to blame because he chose to abuse you. You were the child; he was the adult; he had all the power and only misused it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting that sadistic beast.

Nov 02, 2011
You Deserve Better
by: Kourtnee

What this sick, twisted, sadistic man did was hurt and you don't deserve that. You are beautiful and wonderful and you don't want to die. I'm 16 years old and I was abused as a child too. I know how hard it is but you can make it through this. You want to grow up, find love, and have children so you can treat them in the way you know they deserve to be treated. I hope you find a way to make it through this. You are strong and wonderful. Keep the faith.

-Kourtnee

Jan 21, 2012
Pray
by: Anonymous

In all my life no story has made cry the way this did. I feel terrible for the things i take for granted, and im 11. Im so sorry, and you dont want to die. You have a whole life in front of you. All you need to do is PRAY PRAY PRAY. God is the answer. Trust me on that. My prayers go to you. God bless you.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed113

by Name Undisclosed
(England)

My life: 
I was 4 years old when he came and took me to the bathroom exposed himself. made me play with him until he got an erection i had to perform oral sex on him, a daily occurance for a while then progressed to him touching me in an intimate way i was to scared to tell my mother having been told i would not be believed so i kept quiet even when he brought other men to join in. when i was 9 it got worse they started to rape me on a regular basis he told me it was mums fault because she wouldn't do this with him that continued until i was 12 when my parents divorced. relieved it had stopped i dropped my guard until the day my eldest brother took over where he left off.i have asked myself over and over what did i do to make it happen. at the age of 47 both parents dead i had a break down, recovering now i know it wasn't my fault.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Nov 05, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You said that now that your 47 you've come to realize what happened wasn't your fault, yet just before that statement you asked what you had done to make it happen. You did nothing. You were victimized by an adult pedophile, then even more of them. They took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. They told you things that were lies, but knew you would believe them. That's how pedophiles maintain control of their victims and why victims keep the secret. Your eldest brother may well have learned the behaviour from seeing it, or he may have also been sexually molested. The fact that he sexually abused you when you were a little girl tells me that other children are in danger if he is still in society. If he has children, they are at extreme risk for being sexually abused. Chances are he's had multiple victims already. Considered making a report. I do hope you're in some form of counselling in order to deal with the effects of all this abuse. You didn't deserve it, you didn't ask for it, you didn't do anything to make it happen. The blame lies squarely on the shoulders of your abusers. Always remember that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed114

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I write for you to post my story as I cannot post one myself, I am too scared of being identified. I suffered emotional and in some ways sexual abuse from those I was expected to and I suppose did love most. This included incest, a word that makes me feel so dirty and rape from as early as I can recall. To set this in context, I had a father who had been through a horrible ordeal while in prison, one he didn’t really talk about but always hinted at, and he used to beat my mother frequently, holding a knife to her multiple times. She lived in fear of death. I have the feeling that both these people were abused and still have a very close relationship with my mother. I am expected to support her and for the most part I think I do. When I was about two my mother left my father but he still came to visit until he was jailed again when I was maybe four. At this point it was very hard to keep in touch with him, he couldn’t write many letters and, as I had no money, I was not a priority person to write to. I recall that he had been very abusive, certainly molesting me on a nightly basis and I think, particularly considering the damage to my body and the fact that when I was raped by a stepfather at 13 or 14, I did not bleed at all, raping me. But I think considering how distant my mum could be, preoccupied by her bruises and cuts, I actually actively sought his advances sometimes. He took a lot of cocaine and I have read that this removes inhibition. I don’t think he realised the damage he was doing but it still makes me feel disgusting. Looking back on it, I find it hard to believe my mum was unaware of what I suffered but I know she has suffered with mental illness and I have no hatred towards her. After my father, she had multiple male friends/partners, she used to make sexual jokes in front of me and to a mild extent make out with them. One of them had both penetrative (not rape) and oral sex with me. Another was sadistic, I don’t want to say the exact details as I believe it too horrific to talk about.

What happened with one was only borderline, putting Vaseline between my legs and quite deep down into my vagina, though never purposely penetrative, washing my private area too much and parting my legs. They said that I was dirty and that ‘something’ was hurting me. They never asked questions and I find this strange in itself. This could have been care from someone who babied me for too long, scared to let go, or it might have been more serious, after all this time it is hard to interpret as my memory is hazy. This person used to watch me naked in the bath and encouraged me to watch them naked in the bath and to go to bed with them naked because they needed support. I’m not sure if this is normal for someone who babies another person or if it is abuse. I think this person made me rub against them sometimes and put their knee between my legs, apparently by accident. I have a feeling that I felt a sort of pulsing though, which would be abnormal. I also think this person played a game when I was very young, holding me on top of them, rubbing against me and kissing me. Then calling me a dirty s*ut and telling me I should never do that again, whether it was resist or act I still don’t know. As I say though, whilst I recall the abuse by my most of my stepfathers really clearly, this is all hazy and just beginning to return, it could well be false memory that petrifies me. I think if I knew it was abuse I would be able to move on and heal. I have largely healed and even forgiven the other people involved in abusing me. I have considered tracking down my father and trying to rebuild our relationship despite the hurt he caused me. But I think he is either in Latin America or in jail, so this would be difficult. I don’t want the poison of anger pushing me further into this world where I can no longer cope.

I have managed to overcome the worst aspects of disassociation as I have the most wonderful boyfriend who makes me love and enjoy my body. I wonder too if it is being in this safe environment that makes me recall things I have forgotten about for ages. But I know that talking to him is becoming problematic, what I experienced is hard and it hurts him, he is becoming depressed and I don’t want to see him like this. In some ways I think it is harder for him as the memories I have still feel too unreal to be comprehensible. He believes me and so it hurts him.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Nov 07, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What you dealt with IS child sexual abuse. ALL of it. You were not to blame and you were not complicit in the abuse. Blame and shame is squarely on the shoulders of your abusers. Never on you. You see, you were the child, they were the adults. They took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. You could not consent. And even when you wanted the attention, it still was up to these adults to ensure you were kept safe. You were looking for the love of a father, and of a mother. But again, none of what happened was your fault. You must stop believe that it was. You say you've forgiven these pedophiles and abusers. Now it's time to forgive your Self. Not because you did anything wrong, but rather, because you believe you did. That's your personal truth. Question that personal truth...and then realize that it wasn't your fault. And just for the record, penetration of any kind is rape. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to deal with the repercussions of the abuse. The fact that you are now in a safe relationship could well be why your mind is remembering. As we move through our various ages and stages, and as we understand the safeness of where we are in our lives, memories can come flooding. Take it as an opportunity to deal with them so that you can truly move forward in your live. You deserve that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed115

by Name Undisclosed
(USA)

Trying to define myself: 
I cannot believe im really about to do this.My heart is literally beating fast because i am scared/nervouse about writing this especially because ihavent read anything on here thats like my situation. But i do hope im not the only 1.

I'll start it at 11 years old.. i was the youngest son out of 2. I had a little relative who ill call M and my parents picked him up because M's parents were not suitable to take care of him.So he was raised with us.He was 6years old when we brought him home.M was a very roudy kid. My older siblings were always with there friends outside or playing sports at school.Me i was sort of the quiet kid at home.I played video games at home all day with M or i was playing make believe in our front yard.It was that way for a few months. I had a friend that lived a few houses down from mine. I enjoyed going to his house alot especially since he was the 2nd kid on the street to have internet.After awhile we both eventually started to look at pornography on his computer.You're prabably woundering where his parents were. Well his parents were in the other room watching T.V knowing that we were watching online porn.This may sound twisted but his parents were not bad people.Thats a different story though.My friend and i were mostly into Cartoon porn.And with him also owning a color printer,we also printed out dozens of them. I would take my copies home and hid them very carefully in a binder were i had my collection of trading cards.Nobody in my family knew of what i had and what ive been looking at. Every once in awhile when i was sure no one was close to my room i would take a glance at them and get excited.My little cousin M started getting mad because i wasnt playing with him as much anymore.I will say that i played with him alot.And he followed me almost everywhere i went. He would flip out when i would go to my friends house and i would tell M that he couldnt go.

Then my biggest fear happend.As i was walking back from my friends house with more cartoon porn in my pocket i go my room to find M with my Binder looking at the printed pics i had.Everyone was home at the time. I quickly closed my door and pushed him away from the pictures he scattered on my bedroom floor.I was scared and pissed at the same time. M was just saying "I want 1 I want 1".I kept saying "No!".I forgot what else i told him but it made M cry.I tried to stop him from crying because i knew that if he ran out crying my parents ask him why is he crying and he'll tell what i had.So i told him i'd give him a picture as long as he doesnt tell no one. He agreed.Since then i didnt return to my friends house due to the fact that i never again wanted my little cousin M to be in my room looking through my things.

Eventually it got to the point where M and i would always be hanging out in my room either playing video games or looking at the printed pictures i had. The crazy thing is, that he never told anyone and he was careful with them.Then something happend...M and i were play fighting in the livingroom one evening.We were both rolling on the ground and at the end he was sitting on top of me.He then told me that one of the pictures i had had 2 people positioned like we were.I didnt know which one he was talking about since i had a whole bunch so i told him "show me". We went to my room and showed me the pic. From that day forward M and I started to copy acts from the pictures i brought home and now i feel Horrible.After awhile we didnt even need the pictures anymore. And since he slept in my room, "It" happend almost everyother night.We performed everything on eachother from Oral to intercourse. My parents would always let him take baths with me.We would always touch ourselves while in there. This went on for years.I cant believed i allowed it to go on.Puberty hit me a short while after that.And it was very difficult to not seek M out. I would always ask M for Oral sex as long as i did it to him as well. A few weeks before i turned 13 the craziest thing happend. I ejaculated for the 1st time while M performed oral on me. I had no idea what was happening but i do remember telling him to keep going. When we were done i remember feeling terrified because i didnt kno what just happend.I still get butterflies when i think about that day.

Aside from what we did, M and i were always close.When ever he would get grounded or introuble, i was always there to have his back and get him out of trouble.I realized later on how depended he was of me to show and give him love (not the sick type of love).The sexual things we'd do lasted up to when i was 15 and he was 11.I started to kind of grow out of it when i started dating my 1st girlfriend. M and i never really talked about the things we would do.Eventually i began to feel depressed after i convinced myself that i prabably ruined my own little cousins childhood all because of my stupid sexual desires i had when i was starting my puberty era.M also (eventually) started seeking me out when he was around 11n a half years old.But i dont blame him at all.And i like a dumass i gave him what he wanted instead of speaking with him and stopping it like should of. It really hurts to say that he also ejaculated for the 1st time while performing sexual acts with me.

M moved away when he was 13.His parents took him back. I didnt want him to leave and he didnt want to leave niether. I didnt see him again until I was 18.We were at 1 of my family members funeral.I wanted to ask him so much; How are you? Are you ok? Are you comfortable with yourself? ETC ETC.But i was too ashamed of myself to even look at him.Later on that day when the entire family was gathered he told me something that made me feel guilty and feel like crying. He told me in a whispering voice "I would ,would you?" At that very moment i realized what everything we did resulted to.Alls i did was shook my head saying no..This is all my fault. I ruined his sexuallity. I just hope he doesnt hate me because i love him to death. Like a father loves his son and i wanted him to know that . I never ment for that to happen to him.He deserves everything...Iam 28 years old now with kids.And i havent seen M since the funeral.i sure hope and pray that he's doing ok.My life in general is good but im living with a huge guilt on my shoulders and im very over secure on my kids. I monitor everything they do at home to ensure that they dont have access to anything over G rated...I really dont know what else to say. I just hope im not the only soul going through a situation like this.I feel extremely worried not knowing how M is,and i feel very guilty for letting all that happen even through my teen years.I was so much older then him .I dont know what the F**k i was thinking..I apologize from the bottom of my heart if my story is offensive to anyone thats been sexually abused but this is what i needed to get off my shoulders.

I dont want to define myself as an abuser but i feel that im also not a good person because of this... Im having a hard time defining myself.

Thank you for letting me share.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed115

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Nov 21, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're not alone; you're just one of the few who actually admits that this happened. Just know this: If we define ourselves based on what we did or did not do as children, then most of us would condemn ourselves to whatever fiery pit we might believe in. We are all more than the decisions we've made throughout our lives, especially decisions we made as children. The fact is, you were exposed to sexualized content that you acted out. The parents of your friend were negligent in their duties as parents and caregivers. That left you (and your friend) at extreme risk for sexualized behaviours. It's no surprise that you acted out what you saw. That doesn't make it right. What it does is offer an explanation. If you condemn yourself because of decisions you made as a child, a child who needed guidance and supervision, then you're not being entirely fair to your Self. I understand the guilt and shame you feel. I also understand that the fact that you feel it at all says a lot about the kind of a human being you really are. I strongly recommend some form of counselling or therapy to help you deal with the guilt, and perhaps learn to use what happened as a way to help others now. And perhaps you're a better father for it already. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 21, 2011
oh
by: Anonymous

that happened to me to. this girl(i'm a girl) started forcing me to do stuff with her. i agreed and i didn't tell my mom or anybody. so don't worry you aren't alone. i know exactly how u feel

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed116

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was younger, about 5 or 6 I had spend the night at a family friends house. The girl used to babysit me and my sisters all the time. We had just watched a movie and after that we decided to watch T.V. She had changed the channel to an adult show called "Lets talk about sex." Knowing I wasn't allowed to watch shows like this I kindly asked to change the channel. She said "No, lets just watch a bit." After the show was over she had asked me to take off my shirt. Being five I didn't know what was really going on so I did. She then took off hers and asked me if I've ever seen a girls private part. I tried to avoid the question but then she asked me to take off my pants. I followed her instructions and then she took off hers. We were both in our underwear. She then took my hand and made me touch her in inappropriate places. Then she proceeded to touch me in inappropriate places. After telling her I didn't want to do this she told me to "Shut up." After she told me we had to sleep in the same bed naked. I was scared and followed her instructions. She then told me to force myself into her. The next morning she woke me up and told me to put my clothes on quickly because she heard her parents coming down the stairs. She also told me not to tell anyone. I am now Seventeen and I still don't know if I should tell anyone. Most days I don't think about it but when I do I feel like I need to tell someone but at the same time I feel like if I do tell someone they wont believe me. Or I feel like all I'm doing is asking for attention.. I'm honestly just confused about the situation. I don't even know if this is considered rape because I followed her instructions. I felt like I needed to get my story out even though anyone wont know who I am.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed116

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Nov 30, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It WAS child abuse. You weren't in a position to be able to consent. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. This girl was in a position of power and authority over you, and she took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. You are not to blame. She is. This is all on her. You have nothing to feel shame or guilt for. Nothing at all. I understand your concerns about not being believed. If you a male, then it's even worse because society still doesn't take this type of child abuse seriously enough. Please consider contacting one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. Reach out for help in order to deal with all this so that it doesn't haunt you and affect every aspect of your life. Relationships, among other aspects of your life, will suffer if you don't. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Love, light and positive energy to you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 03, 2011
Yes to everything Darlene said!
by: AnonymousT

I just want you to know as a mother of a young boy this tore me apart. My son is my world & I want him to feel he can come to me about anything.

Please tell & start your healing. You didn't deserve this.

T

Dec 06, 2011
Healing coming forth
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your story! I have two sons age ten and three and I am so paranoid about them being sexually abused. I am a woman and I was abused physically and sexually as a child and it taunted me for years. I could not talk to my foster mom because the sexual abuse was done by her brother. I hated him, even till this day and he died in 1996! The way he touched me affects me still till this day; at times I hate when my husband touches me in certain ways because it takes me back down memory lane..He doesn't know that sometimes in the dark I just cringe and pray that he stop!! Please talk to as many people as you can about it and even professional help because that's a a part of your healing. Don't EVER think you are at fault because you are NOT!!!!! I've healed from the physical abuse because I have told that story over and over for years, but the sexual I share on an as needed basis, but either case I feel better after talking it out!

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed117

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Molested and Raped: 
When i was seven my mothers boyfriend molested me. He ripped off my clothed and penetrated me. He told me that if i ever told anyone he would track us down and kill us all. I never told until now. A year later, my cousin a year older than me forced me to have sex with him. he said he would hurt me if i told, and still does it when my mother and i go over there. She has no idea, she just thinks were taking naps. Its harder for him to do this now because i moved to a different town, but now i'm fifteen with a little girl that i don't want to keep. she's his child, but i keep her anyways. My mother thinks she's my boyfriends daughter, but i want to tell her the truth. Her exboyfriend is in jail for molesting another little girl, but i have to keep my mouth shut. He gets out in two weeks.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 09, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are still being abused, therefore you must act. Not only for your Self, but also for your child. The fact that her father is also your molester is NOT her fault. She deserves to be treated with great love and respect. If you're having trouble doing that, then please get help for that; otherwise, please consider your options. She doesn't deserve to be blamed or in some way have to pay the price for what her father did to you. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with the effects of being abused, and for goodness sake, contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially about what you are still dealing with. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed118

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Someone trying to deal 7 years after the fact: 
At 13 years old, I was sexual molested by my older brother. He was a senior in High School and I was a Freshman. He would sneak into my room at night and I would wake up with his hands down my pants. The first time it happened I did not want to believe it, so I made myself believe that I was dreaming and that I was the screwed up one for having dreams like that. But then 4 days later it happened again, I started locking my bedroom door and blockading my door so he could not get in, but somehow he always figured a way into my bedroom. It continued for the next 6 months. The worst was having to ride to school with him the next morning, I always wanted to confront him and ask "why were you in my room last night?" and "what the hell do you think you are doing" but I was always too scared.

I am the youngest of four and he is the only son; at the time he was beloved by my mother and worshiped by my father. At the age of 13 I did not know how to handle the situation, I wanted to tell my parents but I didn't think they would be believe me and if they did I didn't want them to blame me for screwing up the family. So I just buried it inside me and tried to forget about it; he was leaving in a year for college and then he would be out of my life.

We moved houses in January of the next year and the new house we moved to, he decided to move into the guest house... Thank the lord. I had my space and once we moved it never happened again. However, I never had a good night sleep, always wondering if he would find a way into my room and into my pants. At the time of the molestation I still had never had my first kiss. My brother took my innocence away, and I feel like I will never have a normal relationship again. Now every time I am intimate with a guy, my brothers face pops into my head, every time I am touched on the stomach or the inside of my thigh I cringe and pull away. Will this feeling every go away?

The first time I told anyone was 3 years after the fact when I was 16 years old. My mom found a letter I had written to myself (just a way to put it on paper and vent, without having others know about it.) But once she found it the cat was out of the bag. At first she didn't understand and she questioned me, but finally she came around to realize that her son had molested his younger sister. My parents wanted me to go into therapy to deal with my problems. But that was the last thing I wanted to do. I had been "dealing" with it for the last three years and I was not about to go into some office and talk about my feelings now i wish i had. If I had maybe my brother would have had some real consequences for his actions.

I finally went into therapy at 19 years old and it didnt help. I was put on anti-depressants and I am sorry but does anyone else think depending on a pill for your happiness is a little weird? For the longest time I thought being on Prozac would cure all my problems and I would be normal, boy was I wrong. It just screwed me up more. I know I have severe depression and not just because of my past but I do have low serotonin levels, so I should be taking the pill everyday, but I dont. I guess I am going to have to start going back to therapy and take my anti-depressants regularly for me to become semi-functional again.

I have never been in a real relationship and am scared I never will. In life all I want is to be happy and to be loved unconditionally. I hope one day I will, but my biggest question is how do I stop being the victim. I dont want what my brother did to me define who I am, but for the past 7 years it has. I want to move past it, but I don't know how.

Thanks for reading and sorry if the grammar isn't the greatest, I was just trying to actually write something.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 10, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

We do what we must in order to affect healing. If that means medication, then so be it. Just don't create more conflict by looking at requiring medication with shame or guilt or feelings of inadequacy. Each of us walks a different path of healing and recovery. And just because you're walking along one path at this moment in time doesn't necessarily mean you'll always walk that same path. Meet your Self where you are. Go into counselling or therapy with an open mind to the process. Right now you emotionally believe that all men are your brother; that's why you still see him whenever you get intimate with a man. This can be turned around when you're willing to allow your Self to remember in the safety of a session, and then to allow your Self to fully feel all the emotions that you've buried for all these years. Medication can help you during such times when the emotions are just too overwhelming. Just understand that you are no longer in an unsafe place during this process. Choose your therapist carefully, someone you trust so that the process will move forward. You CAN do this. And as you move along the road of healing and recovery you may well find other healing modalities. Start walking that path today. It's the most loving thing you can do for your Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed119

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I never thought my story was important untill now. When i was 13 a friend of the famly started to touch me and rub his member on me. Then anothe friend of the family was staying with us. He was touching himself in front of me and asked if i wanted to touch and taste it. I said yes not knowing that he was doing a bad thing. After that i started to become very sexual and wanting to have sex a lot. I even stated to have feelings for my father and my step-father. I can't get help because i don't have any money so i am forced to suffer slientley.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 13, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's not unusual for victims of sexual abuse to become promiscuous, and to go beyond that and search for love in what amounts to self-destructive forms. First and foremost, stop blaming your Self for what happened. Understand that the choices you did and didn't make as a child were as a result of enduring child abuse. Recognize that you are deserving of dignity and respect and true love, and then start by treating your Self with that dignity and respect and true love. I suggest you look into your community for various victim resources that might be available to you. Failing any available resources, check out your local library for books that promote healing. Byron Katie's book Loving What Is or Colin Tipping Radical Forgiveness are two titles that can put you on the path of healing and recovery in a way that requires you keep an open mind. You don't have to sit idly by and suffer...unless you choose to. Take back control of your own life. Take back your power. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 13, 2011
counselling
by: My Two Cents

There are self help books for survivors such as "the courage to heal" and its workbook which can be found at the local library.

If you live in a city with a university that trains social workers or psychologists, it is sometimes possible to access free or minimal cost counselling where the students counsel you under the supervision of professors.

And, if you are employed you might have access to what is called "employee assistance plan" or eap. This might also be available to students (depends on your school).

The only thing about student counsellors and the eap option, they tend to be short to medium term, say one to six months in duration; but if you want a place to start, those are some options. I hope one of them helps.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Dec 15, 2011
believe
by: Anonymous

You r not to blame! U r a child,u deserve more in life. Be true to yourself n love yourself! I wrote my story n feel so much better! Believe in u, love u!!! U can do it.....it will take time but u can do it!!!!BELIEVE

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed120

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Envy: 
I don't remember much about when and how the beating started. What I do remember is loving my father but at the same time hating as a daughter.

I belong to an upper middle class family. My parents are college educated and working. My father was brought up in a small town till he came to the city for college education. My mother is from the city but has her roots also from a small town. I love my parents, but sometimes it feels like this "love" I feel for them is not enough that a child should love her parents without conditions. I love my father. He came to the city to make something of himself unlike his elder brothers and sisters who remained uneducated and lower middle class. He has a will and determination that people envy. He could have achieved so much, still did but its never enough to him. He who came to the city with 10 bucks in his pocket now lives a life of luxury, only due to his hard work and determination. My mother was brought up in now whats called the poshest area of this city, is at heart a small town girl. A middle child to an elder sister and a very younger brother.She is the perfect wife to my father, its because of her that he has achieved so much. Its because of her nature and temperament that he has a family.

From the age I started understanding that the beatings I received from my father, the physical abuse that I suffered from his hands, sometimes delivered from a bat, a badminton racket, a jumping rope, a shoe, a rubber pipe, a curtain rod, a wooden plank and his hard calloused hands, were not a part of parenting but a way for my father to relieve stress (as mother still says), was the day she told me that her father was not much different if only less of a wife and child beater but he compensated by being a tyrant.

I still remember a friend of my father's got him this beautiful hunter, its handle was made of soft fur and the rest of it was long and it hurt but only once. My mother was so scared when he used it on me that she hid it so that he may never use it again. Only if there were no other inanimate object in my house.

I must have been around 6-7 yrs old when he first hit me or rather that as far back as i can remember. I was never very good at maths and he is a mathematical genius or so he claims. I could add and subtract like a champ so we would sit in the evening while he made me do my home work. And for every wrong answer he would hit me with a cricket bat on my knees as i sat Indian style.

I still carry those scars on my knees and if now someone would ask my mother how I came to have them she would tell them about some accident I had on my bike which is weird because she actually believes it herself. they say ignorance is a bliss...my mother gives it a new definition.

I was not physically abused often only when I acted out or didn't do as i was told or didn't study or didn't behave or......etc.
I read and listen to people talking about how they were abused physically, sexually as children and compared to what they went through my life seems like a walk in park.
Then why cant i get over it? Why the images that haunted my childhood and teenage years are coming back now? Why when i look at my father now, Do i feel anger and resentment and the dying love...why when i look at my mother do i pity her.

My mother has also suffered at the hands of my father for a long time....she was slapped around and dragged around when i was young. All those articles and real life stories that i've read say that wife is subjected to more physical abuse than the child but in my house its the opposite and i cant figure out why. I have a younger brother but fortunately for him ..he never did anythin wrong and even if he did i would have let my father hurt him the same way.


I am 27 yrs old and in past 8-9 yrs my father has not laid a hand on me or my mother. Probably because he is old now, or because my mother developed a stronger backbone after menopause. Sometimes seeing my father lash out verbally seems watching an old frail tiger trying to hunt 1 last time. He's always had a short fuse and low tolerance for disobedience, still does but now its seems his inability to act out violently towards my mother and me is making him lose his temper almost everyday.

I now know for sure that if he ever lays a hand on me or my mother, I will forget that in our culture a daughter raises her eyes in front of her father...just like he forgot that a father never raises a hand to his daughter. It is a religious crime to hit a daughter and ironically almost every1 in our religion does it.

Few days back his anger gave way to his violence and he almost hit me but for some reason when he looked into my eyes he must have realized that i am not a helpless girl anymore. Because at that moment i didn't fear him, i was not afraid of him. My father loves to see fear in people's eyes when they meet him...he believe a child to fear a parent more than love him. And that day when he was about to hit me, i saw fear in his eyes, fear that if he hit me then i would do something he may have never expected.

I dont know what i would have done but I do know this i was welcome the slap i was about to receive from him, as i knew that the moment he hit me something in me is gonna break that would completely destroy my relation with my father. I guess he recognized that what is in him is also in me, I'm at the end of the day my father's daughter much to my mother regret. I have the same violence and anger that festers in him only i have have control that he does not and the day he finally loses it he'll answer to all his mistakes and i hope for the pretend bond and happiness of my family that the day never comes.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.



Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed120

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Dec 14, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father is a deeply troubled man. Whatever he lived in his own childhood he's brought with him in fatherhood. It's not from a place of strength that he beats, it's from a place of cowardice and self-deprecation. He goes after those who cannot defend themselves in order to make himself feel stronger, likely as a result of his own childhood adversity. It's all about maintaining power and control that he didn't have as a child. I gather you're still living with your family as a result of religious and traditional beliefs. Doing so puts you both at risk for being beaten, and for inflicting a beating. You've already admitted to having violent tendencies. You say you've got that under control, but I'm not entirely convinced when you seem to be challenging your father to hit you, and then you'd have a reason to strike back in some way. I know this stance only too well...you see, I once challenged my father in a way that was almost as subtle...I ended up beaten black and blue at his hands and fists. It was the day I lost what little respect I had left for him. And it changed the relationship I had with him in a deeply negative way. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with your anger and in order to avoid future violence. You deserve that in your life. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 15, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

That's just all about control and power. As for the homework thing; yes, I can relate; my mom, too, used to beat me over every single homework I had to do everyday. Anyway, that's not education; that's just torture. That's not about teaching you skills nor even helping you with your homework; like I said, that's just all about power and control. He was a manipulative person. The path that he chose is inexcusable. Oh, and I'm sure that he was frustrated with his own life and chose to take it out on you. He had the mindset that you were to be submissive and obedient at all costs, so I hope that you're out of that house now, and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Dec 15, 2011
Your questions
by: Anonymous

Your story, although we're most likely from different cultures, sounds similar to mine. My family is a mixture of two cultures. My father is an Irish, southern baptist. My mother is hispanic and catholic. My mother allowed my father to control the home because she was taught to never question the man of the house. This resulted in years of physical and psychological abuse. My father, having been sexually, physically and emotionally abused as a child, continued the cycle as a father. He was not sexually abusive, however, his sexual addictions had an extremely negative affect on my life.

I am 38 years old now and have found that I am increasingly triggered to relive the emotions I felt as a child. I'm not sure, but I think this is because I now have a child of my own and when I look at him, I can't imagine doing anything to hurt him. After these moments, I feel extreme hatred and anger toward my parents for not seeing the same thing when they looked at me.

In regards to your current feelings, you asked, "Then why cant i get over it? Why the images that haunted my childhood and teenage years are coming back now? Why when i look at my father now, Do i feel anger and resentment and the dying love...why when i look at my mother do i pity her." I have the same questions. They are with me everyday. I have used alcohol, drugs, and unhealthy relationships to try and deal with my feelings, but I am still left with the same questions you have.

I would appreciate any advice from Darlene or others to provide a response to the questions above. Why can't we get over it? Why are we haunted? Why do we continue to feel anger, resentment and pity?

Where do you start when you have all of these questions? HOW do you deal with the anger?

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed121

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

R.I.P. Angel: 
My Father is abusive to women. Ever since I was little I saw the fights...I sat there watching these women get yelled at and hit. I saw more fights than any of my siblings. I just dont understand how can I sit there and watch these women get hurt...I played with their children, they were my family, she was my family and I sat there. Some of the women hated me and would abuse me. My dad didnt believe me when I told him. Even though hes a man of so much anger I cant help but love him and I never told on him. Anyways...one summer when I was young we had a huge family camping trip. I was with my dad and my 5 other siblings, also my step mom at the time changed and was nice to me. We were camping with her friends and their families. One of them was my "cousin" and he was in his late 20s early 30s...this was the first time I saw him since I was 5 years old. He greeted me with a smile and big hug. Everything was fun camping and one night people were drinking. My "cousin" was tipsy but still knew what he was doing. I sat down next to him by the fire and he said, "give me a hug." so I gave him a hug and then he said, " give me a kiss." I laughed and said, " ewy no haha." I was so young not thinking that was weird. I told my brother I had to go to the bathroom, but he was cooking so my "cousin" offered to take me. We walked far away from the camp site to the bathrooms and I was skipping in to something...I would never forget. It was quiet and pitch black and all we had was a flashlight. When we both were done going to the bathroom he asked me if I wanted to play a game. I said, " yea what game?" He told me hide and seek. Closing his eyes with a grin he started to count, he had the flashlight so I didnt go far. I hid in the bathroom sitting down and being as quiet as a mouse... I thought I was slick and I was gona win. The counting stopped time was up and he was looking for me and I won he didnt find me so he yelled for me to tell him where I was. I told him the bathroom and said show me. As we both went in the bathroom he locked the door behind him and he said, "Wow that was a good hiding spot do you want to know what your prize is?" I had a smile on my face and said yes...he put his hand over my mouth and raped me. I cried and kicked and tried to fight but he was to big and strong. When he was done he told me, " You dont tell anyone about this or ill get you and ill kill your dog in front of you." I had a blue nose pitbull named Angel that I saved as a puppy and she was the only thing I loved more than my own life. I listened to him and I wiped my eyes and walked back to the camp and went straight to my dog and layed on the ground with her. I watched him come back to the family and act as if nothing happened and I hated him. My dog was the sweetest dog ever she never hurt a soul but when I layed down with her she sniffed me and licked my face but her ears were back and her hair was standing up. She knew something hurt me. When I took her off her leash to go to bed with me she ran straight toward that bastard and attacked him. My brothers pulled Angel off of him and that night as I cried myself to sleep from the pain in my body I felt safe. If I never had that dog that night I would have been a mess. My step mom went back to hitting me and as I got older my birth mother started to beat me which was even worse cause I lived with her. The day Angel died a piece of me left with her. That dog was the only thing on earth that showed me real love and she protected me when no one else did. As im growing my life is getting harder but im stronger and smarter. I deal with the beatings they may hurt my body physicaly but not mentally.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed121

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Dec 16, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The fact that you're questioning why you didn't step up and stop the abuse your father was doling out on the women in his life is in a phrase, putting mature adult values on choices you did and didn't make as a child. That's not fair. You were a child, for goodness sake. You had no power to stop anything. The adults, in particular, your father, had all the power. You need to gain perspective here. You have no blame or shame in any of the abuse that went on in your environment. As a child, you did what you had to do in order to stay safe...you stayed quiet. As for this pedophile, sounds as though Angel was stepping up for you when the adults in your life seemed oblivious to your pain. There had to have been signs, signs they all ignored. As for the abuse you continue to deal with, please contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You don't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 17, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

First of all, my condolences to Angel because I know what it's like to lose the very pet that you hold so dear. Second of all, I really hope that you're out of that house now, and if not, please TELL TELL TELL!!! I'm sure that your dad and the women (including your mother) that he abused are probably frustrated with their own lives and chose to take it out on you and they need help, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Children are gifts to be treasured, not abused. As for your slimy excuse of a cousin, he should go to jail for offending you, so, again, please TELL!!!

Jan 16, 2012
U r an angel
by: Anonymous

I was tearfull when I read your story, to see that after all u gave gone through ur pet remains the centre ofyour story!, bless you! Dogs know good people and they know bad, the fact that your pet would have protected you nomater what, this is a testament to u and your love. Nobody did their duty towards you or provided any basic protection for you, which they should have! This should never have happened to you and it was deffinately not your fault! People are evil, but clearly you are good, I wish you recovery and all the love in the world!

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed122

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

when i was 5 or 6 and my male cousin was a teenager he would kiss me and french kiss me and then try to talk me into proforming oral on him but i dont think i even did and he got me thinkin we would get in trouble if we got caught so if i heard someone coming i would freak out and tell him then we would act like nothing happened this happed for a while until i moved im 15 now and hes married and i needed to get this off my chest even if it is to strangers




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed122

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Dec 19, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your cousin had, and likely still has, serious problems. A teenage boy who French kisses a 5-year-old little girl and then tries to get her to perform oral sex on him is a pedophile. I'm concerned that this male cousin has other victims from the past, as well as in the present. If he has his own children, he's highly likely to be sexually abusing them. You see, pedophiles and sex offenders don't change their ways until they are made to stop. Report to the authorities what he did to you. Even though they may not be able to do anything about what he did to you, it may well stop this pedophile from abusing anther child. Not to mention that if someone else has reported against him, your disclosure could help the process. You could very likely be saving another child from experiencing what you experienced and even worse. And tell your parents that you need help dealing with all of this. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you with the effects of what this sex offender did to you, keeping in mind that such a professional can also help you to gain perspective. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Feb 07, 2012
Thank you.
by: Undisclosed122

thank you for you support its nice to have someone know
i think he was 12 to 14 and i cant remember when he stopped i only has 2 memories of it.
he dosnt wont kids snd hes married to a lovely woman who dosnt want kids either. i think he relised it was wrong when we were young and im glad i was smart enough as a little kid not to do the worst of hes askings
im problably not going to tell unless i trulely have to.
but thank to you and your support i feel like my burdon has lifted
thank you,
T.

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Child Abuse Story From Nick

by Nick
(Arizona, USA)

I had a decent family. I thought. I didn't realize my mom was nuts and my father was basically a shell for some dark anger accumulated for his father. I honestly can't remember much before elementary school. And what I do remember I just don't care to think about. I worry that one day I will have no recollection of my childhood. I don't even know if thats normal. I can say however, that up until I became an adult (two years ago) I still thought my life and the people involved in it were normal. I was an 18 year old boy, graduated high school a semester early and was on my way to rehab. Again. I had no choice. I had no work ethic and no ability to support myself on my own and my only option was to go to an adult wilderness program in Utah or be homeless (I found out later that these two are the same). My parents cornered me again. They were right. I was addicted to black tar heroine and I had just lost my job at a restaurant. I had plans to attend college. As I am writing this, I have only completed ONE math class. So everyone, agree with me that my parents did the right thing. OK. Now lets rewind the Nick Tape. Oh, say, back to when I was just 16 years old. I was attending a military academy. It was most certainly not my choice to be there, but I was making the best of it. I had fun, ok. Up until this point in my high school career, I had very decent grades (3.5 gpa). I had been to two other high schools prior, but was asked to leave those, for varied tangents of the same reason. Pot. I liked it. Everyone did. I drank a little too. I'm sure this isn't new news in the world of high school, but kids do drugs. I hadn't TOUCHED or SEEN another drug. Maybe cocaine once. But c'mon. I'm not a politicians kid. Back to the scene at hand, you see me smoking pot for the first time in almost a year at the military academy. I get kicked out that day. I still to this day wish I wasn't high that day with all my heart head and soul. But life... I come back to my hometown and stay with my father and my step mom. Now, try, please, try to understand, I am depressed. I am SOOO depressed. Thoughts only depressed people understand are coming and going constantly. All I needed was a hand. Some direction. Maybe some advice. But it looks as though my parents couldn't handle my rampages (me not saying anything, depressed, leaving my house because my father/mother wants to fight). I feel as though looking back at it, I was raised by clowns. Angry, brutal vicious clowns. I remember to this day as clear as eagle vision, my mother beating me for cutting a picture out of a magazine. Right where a coupon happened to be. I was raised so hypocritically that my own head is hypocritical of itself and causes me to be ridiculously indecisive and depressed. I am so used to my parents touching me and feeling me and I JUST HATE BEING TOUCHED. I like it when a girl touches me, or a homeboy with a high five. I instantly get fueled if my dad (who still will try this) pats me on the head. Or if my mom tries to comfort me. Somethings just not right here. Back to the topic, I basically am home two days from the military academy and its three o'clock in the morning. I am awakened by two men standing over me, holding me down. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO/THINK? I admit it, I was a scared kid, sh*t scared me. This SCARED me. They handcuffed me and took me to Utah (for the first time). I want to share that I had no addiction prior to this rehab (that has recently been closed due to abuse) and I admit I was slightly rebellious, but no more than my sister, who at this time was dealing drugs to all my friends. I remember my first day at Sunhawk Academy. That was the day I lost all ambition and hope in my life. I was never going to leave. I was immersed in a pool of adolescent criminals, half of whom were there as a 2nd chance from juvi. I remember losing my dignity, spreading my cheeks as a young, confused boy in front of two huge Samoan gentlemen, who I later befriended, unfriended and eventually befriended again. I have too much to say about this realm. So I'll stick with what matters. I came there a semi stoner with slight anger towards the world (wow sounds like a normal kid) and left with many new friends who shared the sh*tstorm that was Sunhawk. Now I had no knowledge of hard drugs starting there but leaving, I knew stuff about DMT, E, Tweek, Speedballs, h, black tar, snow capping, etc. I had met a guy from the same town as me and we both "graduated" the program around the same week. HE was a dope head (h) when he got there and when we left, I was a dope fiend before I even tried heroine. I was hooked my whole last semester of high school. I literally had no idea these feelings existed. And not only that but my parents bought me a car and an apartment after I got back in school and had a job. So I was feeling like everything was right, maybe Sunhawk helped me! And here we are, with Nick, 18, been in rehab from age 16-17 (8 months inpatient, 1 hr a day outside) and now he is posed the question: wilderness rehab or homelessness? Of course I knew what I was doing was bad, so I went to rehab for real this time, as an adult, willing to be there. I thought I was some kind of accomplished drug addict. I was pretty good at fitting in at rehab. I am getting very tired of writing and am procrastinating greatly on leaving my house, but I want to wrap this up in a way where you can have a slight understanding of how this is abuse/destroyed my life and now I am dealing with it on my own. I was basically thrown into a prison for 8 months for smoking pot and I am surrounded by the worst of the worst of the worlds drug and behavioral problems. I have no idea what I was supposed to learn from this experience. I really feel like my anger problems stem from not only the many many millions of situations my parents and I have been in, but mostly from this wrapped simple version: "My parents threw me into an ocean of heroine and expected me to walk over it like Jesus." I have really been thinking lately that if there was a way to sue my parents for slander (telling everyone I was an addict until I became one) or mental/physical trauma (dad broke a bow over my legs/very violent)(psychological terror i.e. My mom told me she could kill me and only go to jail for a couple years because I am her child.)

I am currently on diversion for my first offenses as an adult. Last year I had gotten into pills and became homeless and did robberies and got caught. I had no control of anything, just like how my life was prior to drugs. I am struggling in school and cannot get work because of background checks. I haven't done opiates in almost a year, but I have smoked pot and drank. I am really nice and non judgmental to others and really enjoy nature. I really wish I had my girlfriend back but thats life. Every word I say is life. I guess the stereotypical family would have been nice. I really gotta go but if you know anyone else in a similar situation, they aren't alone!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nick

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Dec 17, 2011
Nick:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When we live in a society that blindly accepts that parents are always right and that children are the problem, we set children up for what happened to you. When I see a so-called "problem child" I see a problem family. As a helpless child, your parents are permitted to do things to you that would be a criminal offense if done to an adult. This is so wrong, so backward. I can't imagine the feelings of betrayal and abandonment you must have felt, not to mention hatred and hostility, toward your parents for having you what can only be called kidnapped into this Sunhawk place. You're incredibly intelligent, Nick. You have the ability to get past all this. You DO have the ability to make healthy choices for your Self. What "life" is is what you make of it, what you choose to do with yours, what you decide is important. People who have been incarcerated DO make it, but it means taking back your own power, and then using that power in a positive way. I send you love, light and positive energy, Nick. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Dec 18, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Nick, you were given a raw deal because your so-called parents are so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they don't know how to even take care of themselves; not to mention be parents to you. The path that they chose is inexcusable. I'm sure that they were probably frustrated with their own lives and chose to take it out on you. They are also acting like little 3-year-olds trapped in grown-up bodies because they are stuck in their own childhood. Oh, and breaking a bow over your legs, threatening to kill you and even beating you up for cutting a picture out of a magazine are just enough to throw those horrific, sadistic, poor excuses for humans beings to jail for a long time. That's not even discipline; that's just torture, so what they did to you is abuse and torture and they should be jailed for that. Children are gifts to be treasured, not abused. Oh, and please don't do drugs anymore because drugs can and will mess anyone (including you) up for life.

Dec 31, 2011
BTW
by: Nick (writer of this story)

I just wanted to add that the money my grandpa left me for college and the like was all spent on just my first rehab. So, is it worse to not have the opportunity at all, or to have it and someone else deprives you of it? And I have been remarkably happy through the holidays and appreciate the feedback!

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Child Abuse Story From Arian P

by Arian P
(Nebraska, USA)

When I was about 8 months old my mom and dad had gotten a divorce and he moved out leaving me with my mom. I just remember growing up guy after guy coming in and out of my home. I didn't know it then but now I realize how many guys my mom was having sex with since my dad had been gone. Three years later my mom got with I--- & he has been my step dad ever since. In my eyes he was my dad because my real dad was never around. My mom worked a lot so he was there alone with me a lot of the times. He would give my baths & watch me play in the water. I just remember him looking at me like I was a super model with no clothes on, 6 years old no body figure, yet he had such interest. As I got older it just got worse, twelve years old I started to get a figure & lost all of my baby fat that's when he really started being nice to me. He would make me wear these skimpy out fits or sometimes nothing at all. He would take picture of me on his cell phone & jack off to my body I as I stood there & cryed. He would make my give him hand jobs and blow jobs all of the time. But eventually I guess he got bored of that & snuck into my room while I was sleeping, I woke up to him rubbing my breasts, and told me it was okay. He started rubbing my in the wrong places so I moved away but that just made him angry. He got on top of me and stuck it in me.... like he wanted to rip me in half... he took my virginity that night. At 12 years old I no longer had my innocence. I told on him to my counselor at school and she called CPS but my mom didn't believe me. She was told he had to move out & there was not allowed any contact, but she would invite him over and he was there anyway...
I don't remember a lot of what happened, i pushed it back so far in my brain.
One thing I will never forget is him making me give him a blow job & me crying asking him to stop, my mom walked into the room saw what was going on, I thought finally... finally she will believe me. She yelled at him and pushed him out side. I could hear them yelling at each other, him crying saying I was coming on to him, that it wasn't his fault. She came inside... and called me a sl*t and told me I was trying to ruin what she had. My own mother, chose a sick twisted man over her daughter.
I am now 16 with a 1 year old daughter. And I thank God for her everyday. I can't understand how my mom believed him. If my daughter were to tell me something like that happened to her I'd kill him. No question about it.
Some people don't deserve to be parents. I am now in a foster home with great parents. All of this has traumatized me but has made me a strong person & the mother I need to be for my baby girl.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Arian P

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Oct 11, 2011
Arian:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your mother was—IS—seriously troubled and twisted in her thinking. She not only chose her relationship with a pedophile over her daughter, she put the blame where blame never belongs. You know you're not to blame, I know you're not to blame, my visitors know you're not to blame. Your mother's disturbing position on this cost her a relationship with you and possibly a relationship with her granddaughter. I'm so happy to learn that you are now in a healthy happy foster home, one that will provide the support you need for yourself and your child. Lean on all the support that is available to you, Arian. You and your child deserve that. And whenever you need to speak to someone, about what you endured, about the betrayal and abandonment of your mother, about being a teen mom, about anything, then reach out to people who will listen to you. If counselling is available to you, engage in the process. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused by a pedophile or ignored and betrayed by your mother. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 11, 2011
one other person/agency to hold responsible
by: My Two Cents

I can't really add to what Darlene has written to you so I will only repeat what Darlene has written - you are NOT to blame for this. None of it.

I would also add one point to what Darlene wrote - there is one more person or agency that should be accountable to you. That's the child welfare people who investigated, found the report was true and then did not follow up with you and your family to make sure you were safe.

I suspect most people don't realize this. Child welfare staff are supposed to follow up in cases where a child has been abused and ensure that he or she is safe. In your case, from what you wrote, that did not happen.

This is one of those things that really, really pushes my buttons. People in child welfare applied for their jobs. They kept (I assume) those jobs. The implication is that they're actually going to do the job.

If they can't, for whatever reason, more urgent cases of child abuse, lack of resources (money, foster homes, trained staff, vehicles to travel to the home), whatever, my question is always, why don't they quit? I mean, if they can't do the job...? Why don't they say to their employers (the state), we can't do an ethical job because we don't have x, y, or z.....?

I'd like to suggest that you look into getting a lawyer and suing them for criminal neglect or failure to protect you, whatever. I'm hoping if enough people sue and shine a spotlight on the system's failures, the government will fix it. Who knows? Maybe things will improve?

Oct 12, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Arian, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick pervert of a stepdad and allow him to offend you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that brute! I'm really disgusted by her reactions toward you getting offended; I hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. Plus, a mother who would choose such a sick pervert over her own precious daughter is the kind of mother who doesn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. You are not to blame for their disgusting behavior; they are to blame because they chose to offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that your foster parents are with you now because they are so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Maria

by Maria
(USA)

Im 15 and ive been emotionally abused by my mom and step dad sense i could even talk. My step use to make me and my sister stand in push up position for an half an hour because we scared my brother with a toy. When i was 13 i stood up to him and told him i wasnt going to go to my room and he can make me, so he grab my arm and flung me off the couch. I told my mom and she didnt believe me. That was the last time he ever physically hurt me. My mom always says im a b**** and a c***. She always finds a way to hurt me and my older sister. She doesnt like to se us cry because she knows she hurt us but she doesnt care. She called my older sister a tramp for wanting to hang out with her boyfriend today. She calls me annorexic just because im 5 foot 5 and weigh 128 pounds. My little half brother and half sister dont have so hard as me and my older sister do. I just dont know what to do. My friends complain about their lives at school and i sit there with a smile on my face. I cant explain to them my situation at home because then they would take things out of hand. I dont have an parental figure i can turn to for comfort and just cry and have them tell me its gonna be all right. My older sister is a year older than me and she acts like a mother to me. I'm not stupid my grade point average is in the 90's and the only thing that keeps me from just emotionally breaking down is basketball. Ive never had a boyfriend before and i have a lot of friends but half of them complain and the other half could care less. No one know how much i want a scholarship so i dont have to live here anymore. Child services are horrible at their job, they sit there and do nothing about other kids i know that are being emotionally abused by their own parent. People that emotionally abuse their children should not have kids. All those talk shows are just another publicity stunt. They dont care about ordinary average people today. they only look for the juciest story. I just wanted the to let people know my story and know their not alone. Im gonna make it through this and go to college and be able to get out of this house hopefully.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Maria

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Dec 15, 2011
Maria:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can see why you're angry at CPS and at talk shows and possibly others too, because you don't see them changing your situation or the situation of others you already know about. Emotional abuse is the most difficult to prove. And even this site can only give you space to be heard. I am concerned that you are becoming bitter as you see and experience the lack of action for people in your situation. That bitterness can and will consume you, until you choose something different, until you choose action over bitterness, until you choose to turn pain into power. Right now you have limited power because the adults in your life continue to wield power over you. But the power you DO have is how you will respond, what you will do to ensure your life moves forward in the way you want it to. Education, sports, the things you're really good at, keep them up. Recognize that when your mother calls you nasty names, she's lying. She must be deeply disturbed to call her own precious daughter such nasty names. You can choose not to believe them. Right now you need someone to talk to. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be abused. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Always remember that, Maria. Start by treating your Self with dignity and respect and love. In the future, you and people like you can and will make a difference. So stay strong so that you DO make a difference in the future. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 16, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Maria, all those ugly names that your so-called mother called you and your older sister are nothing but lies (even your step-dad is no better). Mature, stable adults don't call anyone names, especially their own precious children; mature, stable adults don't make their own kids stand in the push-up position; mature, stable adults don't grab and throw their children around, let alone for standing up to them; only deeply disturbed people would resort to such tactics. Oh, and what a sick, deluded mom that you had to choose that sicko of a man over you guys and then berate you guys 24/7...how dare she! She, along with that beast, is really acting like a little 3-year-old trapped in grown-up bodies because they are stuck in their own childhood. Oh, and I'm sure that they're probably frustrated with their own lives and chose to take it out on you guys, so I hope that you're out of that house now and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Lyndsey G

by Lyndsey G
(England)

From as young as i can possibly remember until the age of about 13 i was sexually abused by my uncle - the husband of my Aunty (mams sister). I was a very shy and withdrawn child and have always suffered with confidence issues - i put all of this down to him and what follows.

He would expose himself to me , masturbate infront of me, get me to touch him and he would touch me. He got braver as the years passed. He even did it when my aunty and cousin were in the house. I always knew when it was going to happen, he would change from his jeans to jogging bottoms so that he could quickly pull them up if he heard someone coming.

i loved going to my auntys house but hated him being there. He worked on the oil riggs and i would try and only visit when he was not there. It did not work though, my mam would tell me to stop being silly, dont spoil her night out etc as she would have no baby sitter.

He took the lock off the bathroom door at their house so that he could walk in when i was in the bath, he would come in what was my bedroom at their house to visit me during the night.

i was continually told by him that it was my fault, that i would be in trouble if i told, that no one would believe me, that i was dirty and digusting. He ruled my childhood and teens. At the age of about 14 i had enough of it and it was tell or end my misery myself, i sat in the bath at home one night and wrote a letter to one of my teachers telling them what had happened, i put it in an envelope to take to school the following day. I pushed it under the door of the teachers office and ran. I was so scared i was going to be in so much trouble. I went back to the office to try and retrieve it but it was too late the teacher was there.

i got called to the teachers office not so long after that and asked about what i had wrote, one of the other teachers was there aswel as she was the "child protection" teachers. They put me in the library by myself while they called my mam and dad into school, told them what had happened then gave us a lift home. What happens after this is just as bad, all my mam said to me about this was "im not reporting it because your aunt (his wife) is not well and could not cope with it". So that was that, nothing happened apart from i did not have to go back to that house any more, but he lived straight opposite my school and would sit there every day watching me. My aunt was never even told about it and he was not confronted about it. i still felt as bad and as alone in the world as i did in the first place, i felt not believed.

at the age of 15 my dad died suddenly after an operation, he was my world. I was very close to my father and have never been close to my mam, she is anything but maternal. A few month later my mam threw me out and i had no where to go other than my cousins house (the son of THAT uncle). I got housed by the council a few month later but during that time had to put up with my uncle visiting the house, when my cousin was away at work (the Navy) my uncle would come and let himself in the house knowing i was there alone.

when i was 18 i found out my cousin had a baby girl, i knew i had to say something as if anything happened to her it would be my fault. So i told my aunty and she went off it with me, she even got the police onto me saying that she wanted me "done" for lying. I told the police what had happened, they took a statement and nothing else happened.

a few yrs later when i had my own son i again contacted the police with the support of my midwife, the police scared the living daylights out of me about what may / may not happen, they were not at all supportive and told me that it was just my word against his, no physical evidance and he would probs get away with it. I couldnt put myself through that for nothing so withdrew my statement.

in the last few yrs it has came out that it was not just me , there was 6 of us that i know of, my elder brother being one of them , he is 11yr older than me, if he said something it may never have happened to me or the others. I have suffered with depression my whole life because of this man, i hate him with everything. He destroyed my life. I had a bad relationship with my sons father, he was alcoholic and violent, when i ended the relationship the depression landed again, i was off work for a while. As a result my employment from the local authority where i had worked for 9yrs was ended. I could not pay my mortgage, my house was reposessed, and i was made bankrupt. its only in the last 2yrs (im now 29) that i have started to build my life back up. He still lives in the same house beside the same school living with my aunt.

my aunt and mam had an argument a few wks ago (i speak to neither of them - none of my family infact) and the issue was raised about me being a liar ! after all these yrs my brother eventually decided to tell my aunt what happened to him. she went to the doctors and told them, the GP wanted to contact the police but she would not let him. she is still living with him but the house is now for sale. I wish he were behind bars and shown for what he is, what he has done to me and the effect it still has on my life.

sorry its so long, just felt like i had to spill it all out.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lyndsey G

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Oct 03, 2011
Lyndsey:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The adults in your life were to blame: the pedophile and the enablers. Children are NOT enablers. Enablers are adults. These are adults who can do something to actually protect a child from harm. Not telling does not make a child responsible for the sexual assault of another, or the sexual assaults they themselves endure. When I speak to this issue directly to the minor child who has not told, it's to prevent that child from growing up blaming themselves for the abuse of another, blame that isn't there's to bear. You were not to blame, Lyndsey, just as all the pedophile's victims were not to blame. Blame lies squarely on HIS shoulders because he chose to sexually abuse each of his victims. HE was the one with all the power, power his misused. He took advantage of your youth, your vulnerabilities, and what he knew would be the family line. Your mother and aunt not only enabled the abuse, they turned a blind eye, making it easy for this pedophile to find and assault other victims. There HAD to be clues for your aunt to see, clues she ignored. Do what is necessary as a full-fledged adult to prevent others from being victimized. I also suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the repercussions of the betrayal and abandonment by the pedophile, your mother, your aunt, and the school for not pursuing the matter through the authorities. Rather than contact your parents, the correct protocol would have been to contact Child Protective Services for them to investigate. Your mother making this decision was wrong on many levels. Everyone failed you, Lyndsey. I agree that this all ruled your childhood. But that doesn't have to be a life sentence. Now, in your adulthood, you can choose the path you're going to take, a choice you didn't have as a child. The path to healing and recovery is one each of us must select for our Selves. Don't take the torch from the adults who failed you. You know you're not the liar; THEY are. They tell themselves these lies so they don't have to deal with the truth of it all, and how they were complicit. Treat your Self in the way that no one treated you before: with dignity, respect and love. You've taken the first step along the path by writing your story here. Take the next step with counselling. You're too worthy not to. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Oct 04, 2011
I AM AMAZING: The Architect of my own Destiny
by: maurice

Please begin to believe this about yourself Lyndsey: With Darlene re-assuring words to you that none of what happened to you was your fault: I AM NOT TO BLAME: I MUST NOT KEEP BLAMING MYSELF All the adults must shoulder all the blame of taking away your dignity, your self respect, ruining your Self_Esteem from your childhood into your maturing years as a teen and adolecent: LYNDSEY: Pretty please STOP blaming yourself TODAY Darlene wrote to you from her heart: A woman's heart so she can fully empatise with you in all the abuse you had to endure: Your Uncle was apedophile, a child molester, a human giving into his animalistic tedendies: No self respecting human being would dare abuse children or adolecents or young adults: Thankfully a high % of humanity especially Parents: Mothers and Fathers of children are self respecting who love and cherish their children: Lyndsey Sadly Your mother enabled and condoned the actions of your Uncle: Like-wise the Teachers especially the one assigned to protecting children in your school: Lyndsey: You had the courage, you were very brave and you want to be helped that is clear from you finding Darlene's Safe Have Site: (Family of visitors) who can empatise with all you have written: Darlene truly speaks from her heart when she asks you to seek out some form of counselling to begin the process of healing from all the abuse you were put through: It was not my Fault: I am not to blame: Lyndsey one sure and c ertain way to build up your self-esteem is to share your giftedness, your tallents, your leadership qualities with others: So get out and about with your friends, fellow students, like-minded people your own age and gender having a healthy mind in a healthy body: Taking part in Team Sports, sporting and cultural activities: I assure you Lyndsey that you will make real friends for life: Have many aquaintances who will make you smile when you meet. I am amazing: The architect of my own destiny: I am Beautioful: Both inside and out: I am dynamic: Ever changing and ever growing: Lovable Exactly as I am: Valueable: I make a difference: UNIQUE: and UNREPEATABLE: Be gentle and kind with yourself and on your beautiful body Only you can appreciate that: I'M SPECIAL AND I LOVE ME. I will I can: I must because I am WORTH it.

Oct 04, 2011
Hidden Treasure
by: Deborah

Well said Maurice.
Lyndsey, you are a treasure.
Don't let any one tell you or treat you like you aren't any more.

Oct 04, 2011
Thanks for your kind words
by: Lyndsey

I just wanted to say thankyou for your kind words and taking the time to even reply. There has been a further development in relation to my mam. She kept going on and on about how my aunty was calling me a liar for what i had "accused" her husband of. I said i was going to ring her and tell her for myself what had happened and who else it had happened to, she said that i had to keep my mouth shut, that it has nothing to do with me to say anything, that she does not want it coming back to her for telling me what my aunty said, that if i did say anything she would have nothing more to do with me, she said that i had my chance years ago to do something about it and not to dare blame her for what happened.

Needless to say i have not spoken to my mam since, i got a lot of nasty text messages from her so i have changed my mobile number. I dont know if she or my aunt knew what was happening to me at the time, eventhough to me it was glaringly obvious, I hate that when i told the school that they did nothing, my mam did nothing as she didnt want to upset my aunt, and then she does this. I have washed my hands of her, she never protected me as a child even after finding out what happened, she allowed it to happen to others by not reporting him, in my eyes she has approved what he did and protected him by not doing anything about it.

I am currently seing a psychologist for cognitive behavioural therapy, something that i have been on the waiting list for a few years.

Lyndsey xx

Oct 05, 2011
your life is precious
by: Jill

Lyndsey G,
It stinks doesn't it? Your Aunt is just as much the abuser as her husband. Your mom is also part of the deal. The police, yes them too. Your father, as much as he was the world to you, he didn't take responsibility for protecting you either. Crazy making bunch! They were all afraid of losing the "perfect family image".

You and other family/children who have come out about Uncle's sexual abuse and pedophiliac ways are all so extremely brave. You all know you are telling the truth and that the truth really matters to all of you. How extremely powerful you are!

Though your uncle belongs in prison and may never take responsibility for the horrible things he's done, inside he's a miserable child, as are your mom and aunt. They're avoiding their responsibility by clinging like mad to a false image which is their personal prison. Inside they've never grown up. You've matured beyond them. Leave the soap opera drama in your family behind.

Since they won't do it, you can solve these problems yourself. See yourself as separate from everything else. See that no one ever has the right to touch your body or abuse you, it belongs to you from now on. Take time to grieve. Let go of the hurt. Holding onto it causes depression, letting it go will set you free. See your uncle as a three year old tyke who can't stop bullying others. Your life is too precious for his nonsense. Do things in your life that have a positive effect every where you go. Spend time with mature people who care and are real about abuse.

Validate yourself, knowing that you matter and that you can make a difference in your life from now on. Be open about all of it so you can raise your own child in a safe, protected, loving home. All the stuff in the world doesn't matter as much as that! Your past doesn't have to define your future. Though you couldn't depend on adults in your life as a child, you have the power be the adult you and your son can depend on!

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Child Abuse Story From Lianna

by Lianna
(USA)

I was a victim of child abuse since about kindergarten and am now a senior in high school. My mothers boyfriends always came before me and my two brothers. i went to foster care for three years while my mom became drug free but i still feel anger towards her. we physically fight, she tells me she hates me and a lot of stuff.. shes bipolar and i hate it. my dad was schizophrenic and died four years ago. my real story is my whole life but maybe one day ill share everything.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lianna

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Dec 01, 2011
Lianna:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Oh hon, you don't deserve to be mistreated and called names and told those nasty things. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. You can't make your mother change her ways, you can only change how you respond. Start by treating your Self with the dignity and respect and love that you've been missing your whole life. Talk to someone about what you're going through, someone you trust: a counsellor at school, a teacher, the parents of a friend, perhaps an elder at your church. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You deserve that kind of help, Lianna. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 02, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Lianna, I can't believe that your mom would beat, berate and even abandon you to her good-for-nothing boyfriends 24/7...how dare she! Oh, and those nasty things that she said to you are nothing but lies. Mature, stable adults don't yell and scream at anyone, let alone their own kids; mature, stable adults don't call anyone names; especially their own precious kids; mature, stable adults don't do drugs; mature, stable adults don't choose their soul-mates over their own kids; only mentally sick, deeply disturbed people would resort to such childish tactics. Your mom is really acting like a little 4-year-old trapped in a grown woman's body because she is stuck in her own childhood. I really hope that you're in a safe place now...and if not, get out of that house NOW, tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Abuse Story From Jasmine

by Jasmine
(Washington, USA)

Jeez. I don't even know where to start. It'd take a year to explain everything. My dad wasn't always like this. I don't think. But he started this when I was young, really young, after my parents got divorced. Mom told me he'd always been that way, but I was eight when they split. It was just after my birthday.

I'd always been mature for my age... well, in some ways. In others I try to be a kid, stay young... people keep telling me to enjoy it. Live it. So I do. Like I said, in some ways.

I don't really know how to explain it. Let me back up.

My parents got divorced in the first place because my dad cheated on my mom. It seems so stupid now, especially with everything he complains about ("She never gave me a second chance." "Your mother doesn't know the pain I go through." "It's hard for me, you guys. I know it's hard on you, but... it's hard for me.").

Dad moved out. My parents got divorced. I was eight, still struggling with the shock and pain of it all, trying to figure out why this was happening to me and my brother. My brother was the most important. I was the oldest, and, even though I didn't realize it at the time, I was protecting him whenever Dad... ranted.

We'd sit on this leather chair on his lap at the end of the day when we went over to his house (every other weekend). At first it was just to tell him what was going on in our lives when he wasn't around. But that changed pretty quickly. As eight- and six-year-olds, not only do we barely remember what happened a week earlier, but we also don't feel the need to talk about it. Dad assumed we were doing it on purpose. He wouldn't get mad, really, just unbelievably depressed. And he'd rant-- actually, back then it wasn't a rant, because he wasn't angry. But he would talk. I don't remember really what he talked about, despite how repetitive he was. I learned later it was because they were so "traumatic" that my mind oppressed them. I do remember not wanting to talk about it, though. He was basically saying things about my mom that I didn't see, like painting her as a bad guy without actually coming out and saying it. I told him I didn't want to talk about it, and he'd say, "Not talking about it won't make it go away."

I think that's what I remember most about it. Because he rammed it again and again into my brain that talking about your problems was a GOOD thing, that getting it out was GOOD... I just didn't understand why it hurt so much at the time.

Eventually I'd cry every time he did it, although I never knew why. I'd get off his lap and run to my room and lock the door. The first few weeks he was furious with me for doing that, telling me I was being both disrespectful and selfish. And maybe I was, but I didn't care. It got me out of his path, and for a moment, it didn't hurt as much.

Then he started up in the car. It seems so cruel, because he knew I wouldn't be able to escape when he talked in the car. Even when we arrived at our destination and I wanted to get out, he'd hold me there, not PHYSICALLY... but if I didn't I was a bad child. And I didn't want to be bad, so I listened. And I cried.

Mom found out a couple months later. She took me to a counselor. That really didn't help much. My first three counselors would tell me nothing except that the divorce wasn't my fault. I knew that already. But I was too young to get annoyed at them. Besides, they had cool offices with toys, and I'd simply play the session away, ignore whatever the counselor told me, and leave it at that. Mom also told Dad to stop talking to us about her. Ha, like that'd ever work. As a matter of fact, he got worse. Way worse. And I guess I wasn't helping either.

I found my rebellious streak when I turned nine. My parents had been divorced for a little over a year. My mom found a guy-- G---. My soon-to-be stepdad. He was a goofy guy who tried to hard to be a positive father figure but not to replace Dad. Dad hated him, frankly. He always said that he couldn't, but I could tell that he did. Apparently he sent him emails begging him to allow him to try to get Mom back, and apparently G--- "ignored" him. Dad told us this story millions of times. He still does, actually.

Anyways, we had a sort of policy to call Dad every night to tell him about our day. Most days, though, I was busy. Really busy. And really tiring. Sometimes, I'd just forget. And when I called him after missing a night or two, he'd always answer with, "What's up, stranger?". I'd always apologize. Sometimes I'd say, "Sorry, I've been busy." And he'd say, "Too busy to talk to your old man?" And sometimes I'd say, "Sorry, I forgot." And he's say, "Oh, I see. You forgot you had a dad."

Ouch.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, after he'd get through ranting (he would do one every night. I tried to block it out, but it was hard), he'd say something along the lines of, "Well, you've got your stepdad now, I guess you don't need me." OR "If you don't want to call me, you don't have to."

Well, don't that make you wanna pull your hair out. I was nine and I had to assure him that I DID love him, that I DIDN'T forget about him, that G--- would NEVER replace him. Because sometimes I didn't want to call him. Once I hung up on him and I didn't talk to him again for a week. Mom found me sobbing hysterically in my room that night. What's worse is I don't even remember why. Why it hurt so bad, why I was crying so hard. And why all week I felt like I was walking on eggshells, waiting for the ball to drop. Maybe I knew the repercussions of hanging up on him were going to make my life hell.

Dad had this nice little brain-washing thing going on. He told us (us being me and my brother) that when we turned twelve, we'd be able to choose which parent we wanted to live with. He told us every weekend we came over. No pressure or anything. My brother was all for it-- promised Dad that he'd do everything in his power to live with him. I never gave out my promise, always figured a way out of saying it, but Dad made it pretty clear he wanted us to change. I didn't want to. God, it was the last thing I wanted. I LIKED where I lived. I liked G---, Mom's boyfriend. I liked my school (despite the fact that I was a HUGE bully target, being sensitive to words and because of the divorce and all, but that's a whole different story). And, in all honesty, I was terrified of what Dad might do if I lived with him. I don't even want to think about it now. I felt like I should't be terrified of him, especially since he never hit me or touched me in any way, so that wasn't really child abuse, was it?

Point is, Dad wanted us to live with him. I didn't want to, my brother did. Luckily, Mom provided a loophole: if we wanted to live with Dad, we'd have to go through court first. I was too young to understand then, but Mom was right. But I didn't care about that. That just meant that it was too complicated for me to have to choose between Mom and Dad. Bad things would happen if I chose Mom, bad things would happen if I chose Dad.

Well, when Dad heard that Mom got pregnant, that pretty much sealed the deal. He was never getting her back again. His rants changed from, "I still love your mother" to "your mother did this" and "your mother did that". Every argument Mom and Dad had Passed on to us. Everything. Dad would cherry pick what parts of the conversation made him look good and Mom look bad. He'd go from picking on things about G--- to picking on things about me. Everything was bad to him. He told me I was a "product of my environment". He told me "awesome" wasn't very black of me. Neither was listening to country. Neither was where I lived, what school I went to, the friends I made, how I danced and how I sang and everything.

My dad's African-American, and he's always had a problem with racism. I never got it, because I had black friends and I had white friends. I had mixed friends-- heck, I'M mixed myself. But he'd always tell me stories about how people mistreated him, called my mom a "ni**er-lover" because she married my dad. He always said he felt awful, causing that pain to her, but I don't think she minded as much as he did.

My point, overall, is that I've been emotionally abused by my father. I am STILL being emotionally abused by my father. And... this is the problem I have now. I don't explain this very often to people, but when I do... people wrongly assume that I'm dealing with it. Nope. I'm not. I'm not dealing at all. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and Dysthymic Depression Disorder at the age of eight. I have insomnia. I hear Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You" and I break down and sob like a little girl. Am I dealing? Kind of.

I never tried looking for sights that allow you to share your story on them. I've done that now and it feels good. I even unlocked some of my oppressed memories through this, and I feel refreshed. I'm not looking forward to this weekend, but you know what? I'll survive.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Abuse Story From Jasmine

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Nov 30, 2011
Jasmine:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father spoke to you, shared with you the way he would share with a fully grown adult. That most definitely WAS abuse. Never ever put adult problems on children. Never ever speak badly about your child's parent to the child. When your father did this, he sent you the message that you were flawed...this is what children believe...that all that's going wrong in their world is because of them. Not only were you upset for your mother, you were terribly upset for your Self, but at such a young age, you couldn't possible articulate that. Your father was a little hurt boy without any regard for what it meant to be a parent. He was way out of line with the way he spoke of your mother, and thus your Self, and for emotionally tearing you (and your brother) apart by making you both think that if you "loved" him you would choose him. As an adult now, you can see how much of a child he really was...and it sounds as though he still is. Take your power back, Jasmine. Your father has spent your life guilting you. You can't change him, you can only change how YOU respond. You're the one who holds the cards now. You're the one who can set the limits. In order to do that, you must understand where he's coming from and that he's a vulnerable child in a man's body. Consider this as a way to approach him the next time: "Dad you're being inappropriate. I love you and I always will. And because I love you so much, I will not allow you to talk to me this way or to talk about mom this way. If you want to keep seeing and talking to me, then I you'll have to respect that and stop talking as you do, putting mom down and trying to guilt me. I'm going now in order to give you some time to think about it. When you're ready to speak to me as an adult and to not bad-mouth, then I'll be happy to talk to you. Good-bye dad. I love you very much." And then either hang up or leave, NO MATTER WHAT. He can only guilt you if you allow him to. And then stick to your guns. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Remember, he's a child in an adult body. And please consider some form of counselling or therapy to help you through all you've had to endure. You deserve that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 01, 2011
I know how you feel
by: Lizzy

I have just read your story and I feel bad for you I really do, I know exactly how you feel. My dad started emotionally abusing me when my mum left. I now realise he used to be like that with her and moved onto me as his "new target". Calling me fat and a horrible daughter, that I had issues and called me so many swear words it would make Gordon Ramsey blush. A few weeks ago we had an argument and i slammed my bedroom door in his face, so he shoved it open so I fell against the wall, then he put his hands round my neck. That is the third time he has done that. However, I finally got involved with the social worker after breaking down in school to one of my teachers and it is getting sorted out. Its taking a while but I will feel happier when its over. Remain strong and stay in regular contact with your mum, getting support helps so much. It will make you a stronger person as it has with me, I think you should report the bullies and stop them. No child deserves to be unhappy. You have my support. I cry whenever I hear Beautiful be Christina Aguilera. I wish you all the best :)

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Abuse Story From Janlyn

by Janlyn
(Location Undisclosed)

I was emotionally abused by my father and emotionally neglected by my mother. but thats another story.

Every time I think about this I well up with tears and feel nervous because I dont know if its my fault. or atleast part my fault.

I started acting out when I was around 15 to get the love and attention I so desperately needed. I guess it was becoming clear to some teachers that I needed help and they gave my parents the name of some counselors. I was glad. I needed and WANTED someone to talk to. But my parents wouldnt allow me to see anyone.

I had stayed back a grade so I was a little older than most of the kids in my class so I turned 18 while still in H.S.

As soon as I turned 18 I was old enough to sign the papers to see the school psychologist. After a couple months I was sensing something strange. Kinda like she "liked" me. But how could I ask and what would she think if that was not the case? I am a female and she was too.

so I put the question in poem form - and the answer was yes - she was interested in me. It made me feel really special. loved. wanted. cared about. It quickly turned to something sexual. she even got me out of school to bring me to her house to have sex with me. I was scared and ashamed to admit I liked it. She would give me alcohol to help me relax and to this day I HATE AMARETTO.

She told me not to tell because she could lose her job. she said if she was backed into a corner she would deny the whole thing. And she was also the director of special ed and my sister was handicapped and i was afraid services might get taken away from her if i told. so I didnt. plus I was/am confused about my role in this.

I dont know if this is considered abuse because I was 18. But I was a student still in high school. a confused, emotionally vulernable kid.

now i feel angry - real angry about what happened. but i dont know if i have that right since i was 18.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Abuse Story From Janlyn

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Nov 28, 2011
Janlyn:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You most definitely have every right to feel as you do. You were betrayed by this therapist. And she breached her ethics as a counsellor. That's why she swore you to secrecy and told you that she would deny it if backed against a wall. Whether or not you were a child, part of her job was to keep the relationship professional, counsellor to patient. She was in a position of trust, and even authority, over you. She took advantage of your vulnerabilities, and then groomed you toward her. Of course you would like the attention you so craved. She knew that and exploited it. That's why there are professional guidelines that deal with this very thing. So please don't blame your Self. Any shame, guilt or blame belongs to her, not you. Whether or not you can or want to report what she did, I can't say. Nor do I know if that's even possible given you did not include where you live. But perhaps you want to look into it because there's every chance that if she's practicing, she's doing this to other vulnerable patients, child or otherwise. There are other types of therapy that you can resort to, Janlyn. Please consider looking into them in order to deal with the abuse you endured at home and the betrayal at the counsellor's hands. I know that trust is now a huge issue for you. Just realize that not all counsellors or therapists are like this. Do your homework. If you can't trust a counsellor, you won't make any progress. Trust is crucial. Speak openly about the betrayal you experienced with her when you do find someone. In this way you can deal with those issues first, and then build up trust. I wish you all the best, Janlyn. Always remember that none of what happened was your fault. NONE OF IT. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 28, 2011
restore your right to safety
by: Jill

Janlyn,
Please understand that it was clearly not your fault. That psychologist is a smooth bully and you were her next victim. Even though you were 18, you were still a student. She used her power over you for self-gratification and violated your right to safety. Any adult who disputes this doesn't get it.

There's that ridiculous gender bias that says women couldn't be offenders. Picture a man who's having an affair with an 18 year old student in his class. The manipulative behavior is the same. The psych. knew she was breaking the law, banked on the gender bias, and bullied you into thinking you couldn't report her... until you got that hey, wait a minute.... feeling.

The fact that your parents didn't allow you to see a counselor shows that they were bullying you too. From what you've written, I can tell that you're are a very instinctive, sensitive, responsible person who treats yourself and others with dignity. You can step out of the cycle of abuse by standing on your own and supporting yourself in your recovery from what happened.

You can restore your right to safety by turning your anger into the feelings you hid when she violated that right. Understand them and when you're ready, let them go so they don't keep hurting you. Report her if you need to, your story matters.

Nov 29, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Janlyn, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sicko of a father and allow him to abuse and berate you 24/7...how dare she! As for that so-called therapist, shame on her for abusing her own power of authority over you! I know that not all therapists are created equally, but offending you and giving you alcohol alone is just enough for that sorry excuse of a human being to get fired, since teachers, counsellors, and therapists alike are not supposed to let minors drink any alcohol. The path that she and your parents chose is inexcusable. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, away from those sickos, and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting that sick pervert as well.

Nov 29, 2011
Thank you
by: Janlyn

Wow! Thank you Darlene and Jill. Your letters to me helped a lot! Ive decided to try counseling again so I can let this go.
Janlyn

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Child Abuse Story From Zeke D

by Zeke D
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 17 years old. I've been in therapy for the past 3 years, trying to deal with stuff that happened to me when I was a kid. My therapist told me about this site, and said that she sometimes recommends it as a way of telling people without actually telling anybody. I read through a few of the stories and figured, what the hell.

My dad walked out before I was born, and my mom was a serious junkie. She did meth/cocaine/heroin, and drank a lot. We were really poor, so she started sleeping with her dealers in exchange for the drugs. Half the time I was left alone at home, and the other half she was so strung out it's like I wasn't there. This went on until I was about 7 or 8.

Every now and then she'd take me with her to the guys' houses if she couldn't leave me home. We went to this one guy's house, and he told her that he'd pay her double if he could have me instead. She agreed, and the guy took me into the other room. I wasn't really sure what was going on, but he told me to take my clothes off. He started touching me, then he'd take my hand and make me touch him. Then he pushed me down onto the bed and raped me. My mom would take me to him once a week or so, but then she would find other guys that wanted me in exchange for cash. I dunno how many different guys there were, but one I can't get outta my head. He liked to cut on me. He'd burn me with cigarettes, and carve stuff into my skin with his knife, brand me with his rings, and wrote whore on my chest with a needle that he heated up with a lighter. I can forget about everything else, but the scars won't go away ever.

It finally stopped when I was 14 when a teacher of mine saw the scars and told the police. They put me into foster care, and I finally ended up being adopted by the family I live with now. I don't talk about it, but they know what happened through my file. They put me in therapy, and are really nice. I'm slowly starting to become friends with my sister. She's 15, and I'm starting to care less and less when she sees my scars. I still don't like being alone with my adoptive dad, but I'm working through it.

I guess this does help. Sorry if it was too short. I just don't like thinking about this stuff for too long, but thanks for providing a place for me to write it out.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Zeke D

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Oct 08, 2011
Zeke:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You never need to apologize for the length of your story. It was perfect, exactly what you needed to write, exactly right. It comes as no surprise that you have difficulty with your adoptive dad. He represents the most vile part of your young life, a time when you were betrayed and abandoned in the most heinous ways. But he really is only a representation, not the horrific excuse of human beings those pedophiles were, especially the cutter. And then of course, there's your mother who was so sick and twisted that she can't be called a mother at all...only in title because she gave birth to you.

I know what it's like to be scarred, not just emotionally but physically, from abuse. It's a constant reminder of not only the abuse itself, but the person who did it when all you want is to wipe if from your memory banks. I learned that my scars were battle scars from a war I didn't ask for, a war I couldn't protect myself from, but a war that I ultimately won. After a lot of self-help books and therapy and a lot of soul searching, I came to understand that though I couldn't change what had happened to me, I had a choice about how I could respond to what happened to me. That's when I began to see that my wounds from the abuse had healed INTO scars, and that my scars didn't have to be a reminder of what happened as much as a reminder that my body and my mind survived and thrived. You've been branded, Zeke, branded far worse than I ever was, and that branding is a major challenge all its own. But know that when you get older, there may be medical possibilities that can...let's just say remove the message. You're a beautiful person, Zeke. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve all the help there is out there for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and peace. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 09, 2011
no shame
by: nb

i no exactly what you mean about alot of your story because i grew up alot the same. when i did counseling they told us to wear our scars like badges of honor. not to be ashamed but like darlene said to be proud of what we've been through and how far we've come. youve already come so far. what you have been through has already made you a stronger person. people like us can handle anything cuz after all that what else is there? thanks for being brave enough to share. it gives me hope. lets wear our scars proud.

Oct 09, 2011
I'm so happy..
by: AnonymousT

I'm so happy you were able to write out oyur story and I"m so sorry your biological mom did not think of you. I have a young son & it deeply affects me as a parent to read of your abuse.
But, I would love to personally thank your teacher for noticing the signs & getting you out of that life. And even though you may not feel comfortable around your foster father, it's good you have the chance to see how others live and deal with pain, anger, or anything uncomfortable or hurtful that life throws our way. I'm happy you're in therapy, it's so important you learn your coping skills at this young age. It is a great step.
Writing is also good, even if it is not about your abuse but just about whatever's on your mind. Keep it up! :)

Oct 09, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Zeke, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your mother was so twisted and messed up in her own ways of thinking that she didn't even know how to take care of herself, not to mention be a mother to you. Oh, and I can't believe that she would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a cutter (and his fellow perverts) and allow him (as well as said brutes) to beat, torture and offend you 24/7...how dare she! The path that they chose is inexcusable. A mother who chooses a pervert, any pervert, over her own precious son is the kind of mother who doesn't deserve to have said son in her life. You are not to blame for their sadistic, cowardly behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that the teacher got you out of the abusive environment; I hope that you try talking to your adoptive parents about what you went through, that you try counselling and that those sickos (yes, this includes your mom) remain incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you.

Oct 13, 2011
You did the right thing
by: Jill

Zeke,
I admire your ability to keep it simple and get right to the point. Your gift of not being afraid of letting go of things that were beyond your control is very strong. You take responsibility for yourself. You are also extremely good at solving your problems as they happen and keeping yourself available to what will help you in life. These strengths kept you alive while you were being abused, and in turn will help you with whatever you have to overcome next.

Your mom and dad abandoned you every day of your life. The men your mom left you with abandoned you by not treating you as the beautiful person you are. I have a 16 year old son and 13 year old daughter and as a mom it's horrifying to think that you had to go through that. My mom used to leave me alone with people so she could go do her thing and they abused me too.

When I was sexually abused as a kid I abandoned my body and observed myself from a distance while it happened to survive the pain. I suppose you had to do this too. Your past doesn't define your future. You have the power to be there for yourself now and remain in your body when you aren't sure you can trust people. I can see why you feel like running away from your new dad. I remember when I couldn't feel comfortable with men after I remembered all my abuse. Your therapist should help you with this. If not, find someone else who will. By the way, the therapist should never make you feel uncomfortable by confronting you physically, I had one lady that tried Shamanist techniques on me and I realized pretty fast that this was not going to work for me so I moved on.

You did the right thing by telling your story. And though it is anonymous to do it this way, know you are among many, many people who if they met you in real life you regard you as a friend. Best Regards,
Jill

Oct 27, 2011
Love
by: Samantha

I am really honored to read your story it gives me hope. I am overcoming my struggle with my father but it is nothing like yours you are my role model thank you.

Oct 31, 2011
...Wow
by: Zeke D

Hey. Wow, I didn't expect that many comments. Thanks for all the support. My adoptive dad is a really great guy. My therapist said it's like, some form of PTSD that makes me feel kindy 'twitchy' around him.
I didnt put this in my story, but I'm gay. I have a boyfriend, and I tell him everything. He's the only guy that I really feel comfortable around. I haven't really gotten any negative feedback from people after coming out, at least nothing that stuck. It's just hard cuz sometimes I worry that the only reason I have feelings for my boyfriend is cuz of the abuse. It doesnt interfere with our relationship, like day to day, but every now and then it nags at me.
Again, thanks for the support.

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Child Abuse Story From Jazmyn

by Jazmyn
(Arizona, USA)

Well, it started maybe when I was 7 or 8. My sister (3 years older than me) and me used to share a room like sisters normally do. But one night, she asked me if I would try something with her. I was confused, not knowing about anything sexual yet. It seemed weird to me but I didn't undertstand. I just laid down and she kind of rubbed herself on me. It seemed gross to me, but I kept my pants on, until she told me to take them off. Then I felt even more gross. But I didn't tell her that. It happened maybe only on 5 other occasions but I don't really want to talk about it.

It seems so wrong to me.
We've never even talked about it before.
I'm 16 now and she's 19 and has a steady boyfriend of 3 years.

Just thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Although I'm bi-sexual.
It's gross to think that my first sexual experience was with my own sister.

Sometimes I wonder if she thinks about it too, and if she feels guilty or anything about it.

I feel like I never want to talk to her about it.

I know we were just kids, but it still seems wrong.

We're good friends and sisters, but sometimes when we're together I think about it and it makes me sick.

I don't know what to do.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Oct 23, 2011
Jazmyn:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If you keep this inside it will continue to haunt you, and that haunting will have a major impact on your ability to move forward in your life. This is not the kind of thing that will just go away. You need to talk to someone about it. But not your sister at this point. Perhaps in time, but not just yet, because there's still a power dynamic and an underlying fear you're experiencing. Right now you need someone who has experience with child-on-child sexual abuse. Something you should know is that in all likelihood, your sister was herself sexually abused in some way, and as a result, acted out sexually, using you as a target. There is a difference between normal sexual curiosity between children of the same or similar age and of equal development. And though you did not object, don't assume that you were complicit or that you consented. You were not in a position to consent. Don't blame yourself. There's something wrong with your sister, something that she needs help with. What concerns me is that she will very likely abuse another child, possibly as a babysitter (perhaps she already has), eventually as a mother. You both need help. Talk to your parents. Tell them you're having difficulties and that you'd like to talk to a professional. Keeping this secret is going to eat you up, Jazmyn. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you're now dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Reach out for the help you need. Call the number. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Johnson

by Johnson
(USA)

Well...this is part child abuse story and partially being a witness to abuse. At first, I was really confused about witnessing it, because I was pretty young, only five, where I am in my early teens now...

My mother had a best friend named T. who always seemed like such a nice woman, but I did not know her well. My mother and father were both in the military and my dad had to work during the day while my mother was deployed somewhere on the east coast back when I was about five. My mom and him agreed to let T. babysit me. She had a seven-year-old son named L. L was sort of a teasing boy, lack of manners so to speak. We got along, but not always. His mom, if we did something wrong, would make threats to throw us out on the streets naked...I wasn't quite sure if she was joking or not. One day, L. talked back to his mother. T. got very angry and dragged him down the hall and threw him into another room. She screamed at him while he cried, demanding him to strip, and then she left the room, returning with a belt. I was too young and confused to fully grasp what was happening. I heard painful sounds of a belt being whipped and fearful cries from down the hall...She then led him into the living room where I sat on the couch and told him to sit next to me. He was only in his underwear. I didn't know what to feel as I watched him cry, body and face red from the belt whips.

I cannot remember if this was in the same day or not, but her son and I were outside playing baseball. It was enjoyable until I accidentally hit him with the ball. He started screaming and I told him that I was sorry for hitting him. Not a second later, T. rushed out and started yelling at me. I continually pleaded with her, explaining that it was an accident, but she dragged me back into the house, and threw me into a spare bedroom, spitting and screaming in my face, commanding me not to cry. She proceeded to leave me in there for however long and lock the door. I think the crying wore me out to the point where I had to nap. Any other accounts of abuse from this woman, I could not recall. She would stay at my house until four in the morning as my father's lover while my mom was away, using me as a cover-up. (I do know that my father smacked me for mouthing off to her. I think that I was too young to explain my hatred for her.) My mom eventually figured out about this from the neighbors, and refused to let her babysit me after all this marriage and relationship crap was settled with my parents. I did not know this at the time. They moved away before I told, and I would occasionally think about the son, the gravity of the situation only making itself clear in recent years. I wonder what would have changed for L. if I told about the abuse sooner. I feel guilty about it now. I wonder where they are and if he is still at the mercy of his mother...I surely hope not.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 13, 2011
Johnson:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Not only did you experience direct abuse at the hands of this clearly out-of-control woman, you experienced child abuse as a result of witnessing what you witnessed (both hearing and seeing what she did to her son—a form of emotional abuse for you—and the way his body was affected as a result of her whipping him with that belt). That was terrifying to you. Of course you'd be adversely affected. When children witness abuse, they are powerless to do anything about it because the adult has all the power. You didn't tell Johnson because you were afraid. None of what happened was your fault. Fault was squarely on the shoulders of this abusive woman because she chose to abuse. Don't apply adult more mature values on what you did and didn't do as a child. You can't hold your Self accountable. That's not being fair to your Self. You weren't to blame, even when you didn't tell. Fear is a powerful motivator, especially when you're a little kid. Focus now on how you can make a difference in the community on this issue. Start by talking to someone who can help you deal with the effects of what you witnessed and endured. Counselling can help you put what happened into perspective, and then free you to do what you are really passionate about, and using your experience to make life better or easier for someone else. When you see your Self as purposeful, there is purpose in your experiences. You're obviously a caring and compassionate person. Use that to advance your purpose. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 14, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Johnson, that's not even babysitting; that's just torture. If she didn't want to be there, she should've had the courage to leave and then give up her own son for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you guys. The path that she and chose was inexcusable. You are not to blame for her sadistic, cowardly, ignorant behavior (and neither is her son); she is to blame because she chose to abuse you guys. You were the children; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused that power over you guys. Oh, and please look into reporting that sadistic beast to prison.

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Child Abuse Story From Karri

by Karri
(England)

Abuse was around me from as long as I can remember, sometimes subtly, sometimes obvious. Neglected emotionally, everything I would do would be cut down by a spiteful remark by my Mother, that's what I'll call her spiteful, she never hit me only with words.
A Father who totally ignored us children but used us as his personal slaves, fetch this, carry that, eventually he found another 'slave' job for my sister to do, which was to sexually abuse her maybe 3 or 4 times until my Mother found out and divorced him. Good, I might hear you say but I believe my Mother only acted so quickly because she wanted my Father out of the house anyway. Nothing was ever done solely for the good of us children.

My Mother got a boyfriend when I became about 11, he then went on to sexually abuse my sister (2 years older than me)he too did this a couple of times before my Mother 'told my sister to tell him to leave her alone'.
Can you believe that?
Around this time when 'unnatural' sex activity was going on my own Mother sexually felt my breast 'whilst scratching my back' I didn't say anything because I liked the feel of it. I am not ashamed, nor do I feel guilty about my body responding to the touch, it's my Mother that should hang her head, and be damn well ashamed of herself.
I have NEVER felt like ANY abuse was mine or my siblings fault, only the fault of dreadful, dreadful parents and an adult. The worst thing I feel about the sexual abuse suffered by my sister and I is that it was 'done' in a way to 'sexually arouse us'. A truly dreadful thing to deal with.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 01, 2011
Karri:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm so proud of you for realizing that none of what happened in your house was your fault. You didn't walk away from that abusive environment with that message. Instead, you see things for what they are. Emotional abuse brings the deepest scars. It tears at the fabric of who we are. And I agree...your mother has much to hang her head for. She did not protect you and your sister from harm. Instead, she wither used you both for her own agenda, or she put you both at risk, and then did nothing to further protect either of you. Putting her hands on you the way she did must have been so very confusing. As disturbing as it is to realize the sexual abuse was done to "sexually arouse" you, the fact is, sexual touching IS arousing. Pedophiles know this, and they use it as a way to convince the child they "enjoy" it, therefore all is supposedly well with their world. Nothing could be further from the truth. You and your sister were betrayed by an obviously twisted mother, a sick and perverted father, and by a pedophile your mother brought into your lives, and kept in your lives when she knew what he was doing. That alone leaves deep scars. I do hope you and your sister are in some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the effects of her betrayal and abandonment, and the sexual abuse itself. Neither of you deserved to be abused. Both of you deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 03, 2011
New Beginning's NOW for ME
by: maurice

I am certain you searched for and found Darlene's site so you could move on in living your life to the full: Your cry for support and help to do so: Darlene from her woman's heart has given you that in her comment: Read it; Understand all she has said to you: You were endangered by your mother leaving you and your sister in an abusive situtraion: Some one with pedophille tendencies, a sicko, a beast of the worse kind of the human species: You are a very intelligent young Woman Karri: Stay in education: Live well: Laugh Often: Love much: Then Karri have ahealthy mind in a healthy body for over 4o years now I have seen the benefit of this for thousands of the young and not so young whom I have encouraged to be part of Team sports and sporting and cultural activities: Karri, it will open up new horizons for you you can dream your dreams and make the difference: I Can: I will: I must: becaue I am WORTH it: Karri just do it for your own good and future happeiness so that you can say: I am AMAZING: The architect of my own destiny: I am Beautiful both inside and out: Dynamic: Ever changing and ever growing: LOVABLE: Exactly as I am: Valueable I make a differance: Karri: Be gentle and kind but firm on your self: Make the difference: Hi, know when Darlene reminds you and all her visitors to seek counselling she means that from her heart and she knows it's importance for all to move on in their lives: So Karri heed her loving feelings for your happiness; I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT; That U YOU sure are Ms Karri: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:

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Child Abuse Story From Haley

by Haley
(Arkansas, USA)

i just turned 16 i was phicaly mentaly abused from the time i was 2 till i was 14 by my mother and the many men she brought homw but when i turned 8 my aunts husbend started sexualy malesting me till this day only my bestfreind and "HIM" know.He made me think it was ok when i was younger but as i got older i rilized what he was doing was wrong,but he has always told me he would kill me if i told and no one would believe me anyway.It got to the point where i started cutting myself and hating life he made it a living hell if it wasnt already. HE would make me go placs with him and do stuff to me take me home to be yelled and beaten my my moms husbend.The bad thing is my little sister went home and told my mom he touched her she was my moms world when my mom asked me if he had ever touched me i lied i still dont no how she couldnt tell. Thank god when i was 12 my mom hit me in the face one night and i called 911 by now she had 4 kids of her own and her new husbend had 4 i was mama i told the cops what happend adn they made it out it was my falt but they took all of us i ended up having to live with "hiM" he started malesting me every night and morning or anytime noone was home i started acting up so they would make me leave. they sent me to my nana were he would still come get me all the time thats when he started raping me i hate to say it becouse i love my grandma but her getting sick made it sop cuz i was sent to live wth my other aunt 2 hours away but still to this day i hate life i hate looking in at myself i try to avoid grown men cuz im scared of what they will do to me.I have dreams about it and wake up yelling i dont sleep in the dark if i sleep at all plz if your going threw this tell someone i didnt and i am still to scared to do so this and telling my bestfriend is the only tine i have told i am just hoping he isnt doing it to his own kids or his freidns kids




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Haley

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Oct 19, 2011
Haley:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sex offenders, pedophiles don't change their ways until someone makes them stop. He is very likely sexually abusing other children. That doesn't make it your fault for not telling...fault is always on the shoulders of the offender because the offender chooses to offend. You do however have power now, power that you didn't have before. You can disclose what happened. And keep disclosing until someone does something about it. Please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you endured. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Haley, you didn't deserve to be physically or sexually abused. You most certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Talk to your grandmother about getting you some counselling so that you can deal with the effects the abuse has had on you. You so deserve that kind of help. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your Self with that dignity and respect and love. Call the number. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Brittany S

by Brittany S
(South Carolina, USA)

WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF CHILD ABUSE: 
"daddy just wants a peek"
but mommy said no one should touch me there
"im your dad and i can touch you where i want"
pulls down panties
"well isn't that a pretty Lil thing"
rubs it with his fingers
and trying to kiss my lips
i can smell the alcohol all around him
sticks one in
i tell him to stop
"no one tells me to stop not even your mom"
bends me over and shoves it in
i whaled begging and pleading
he hit me repeatedly
"you moms isn't even this good"
i remember seeing my blood dripping out of me
and thinking i hope mommy still loves me
when he was done he just let me drop to the floor
"clean up before mom get home she doesnt need to see that shit"
and left me there
i laid there weak helpless hurt for a few mins
but he came back and
saw that i was still on the floor
"WTF did i tell you"
he kicks me where im bleeding
"GET CLEAN"
so i crawl to the bath room
and sit in the shower washing him off of me
mommy got home and didnt notice enything
until this became a habit
my mommy let it happen
saying "you only did it to your self"




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Brittany S

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Nov 20, 2011
Brittany:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If you are still a minor child in this abusive environment, please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. And you need to disclose the abuse. You're in danger if this sick pedophile is still there. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

As for your mother, she has blinders on and is an enabler. Not only are you still in danger around this pedophile (and your mother, for that matter, since she won't do anything to stop it), so are other children. You see, sex offenders do not change their offending ways until they are made to stop. Take back your power, Brittany. Tell, and then keep telling until someone will listen. You didn't deserve to be abused in any way. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 21, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Brittany, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, disgusting monster of a father and allow him to beat and offend you 24/7...how dare she! He's a really sadistic brute...and the path that he and your mom chose is inexcusable. Plus, he is a child molester too...and your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for his disgusting, sick perversion. Oh, and a mother who chooses such a disgusting pedophile over her own precious daughter is the kind of mother who doesn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. You are not to blame for his disgusting, sadistic behavior; he is to blame because he chose to abuse and offend you. you were the child; he was the adult; he had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, far away from that sadistic beast...and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and that sad, tragic pervert might be molesting other girls too, so please look into reporting him as well.

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Child Abuse Story From Aaron

by Aaron
(USA)

seems crazy to me iv kepped this inside for so long and its hard to put it all into words. i'm a man of 46 yrs,with unsolved sexual problems. i feel is the result of the fact as the youngest child of 5 boys and one eldest sister that around 2 nd grade my older sister would convence me to sneak into her bedroom and preform oral sex on her at night many times. furthermore in the next several years my older brother's would force me to perform oral sex on them and one of them would force me to let him go to the next level. they were teenagers as i was much younger. two of the three brother's are dead from aids, the other one lives 30 miles away and i hate him deeply. me and my sister still do not speak 40 yrs later. during my teenage and young adult years i had problems performing and serious anziaty problems before attemting to have sex and have lost several girlfriend's due to these lasting effects and at the same time too embarrassed to make sence of anything.i'm greatly attracted to women but find getting past that first sexual experiance is almost impossible due to my unknown fear's. around 27 i did go on to father a great son and am a great father. i'm an attractive, passionate and caring man with great social skill's but live a lonely life with no real relationship's to speak of. i desperatly dont want to live out the rest of my life alone. i feel i have no hope of getting past these problem's.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 28, 2011
Aaron:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What happens when we keep such deeply affecting secrets is that our lives are adversely affected in every possible way. The only way to deal with such secrets is to bring them to the light of understanding. You will continue to be haunted by what happened to you as a child, until you make the decision to allow your memories and emotions to surface rather than to circumvent them. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what you were forced endure as a child. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Ashleigh H

by Ashleigh H
(South Dakota, USA)

when i was about 4 years old i was living in Rapid City,SD. with my mom and my sister K--. me and my sister where very close and loved to do everything together. my mom was working at a school as a teacher sort of. and she would always look forward to coming home to see us. we were an outgoing family and would spend every moment with each other. then one day a red car pulled up and a tall man stepped out of that shinny red car, he was columbian/indian and had black hair and brown eyes he was muscular and didnt look like he was scary at all. he had been taking my mother on very romantic dates and i was happy for her because when ever she would see him it brought a smile to her face. one day when me and my sister came home there was a moving truck in the drive way and we were shocked to find out that we would be moving. a place that will soon become a nightmare.

when we were there we had a chance to meet his family, they were all kind and sweet but soon we would find out that they were all monsters with really good cover ups.after my mom had gotten preganent i would get visits in the night from her boyfriend. he would undress me and i could feel the cold breeze of nakedness i would try to tell him to stop but he said it was ok and that i didnt want to do this but he would not stop i would cover up in my blankets just feeling the pain and feeling bad about my self. when i would try to tell some one i would get beat by him and he would tell my mother i had an aciddent when she was at work. i wanted nothing more but to give up and shut the world away but i knew that would devistate my mom so i went through the process of being an abused kid for so long and it had happened for 7 years. i was 10 years old when my mom decided to move awaay from him. we had picked up and moved. before we left my mom had two kids a boy and a girl they were a wonderful adition to our family. but then my step dad found us and would stalk us. we finally got the courage to run away. he came running down a hill and thank god my mom and me got the little ones and the car, we locked the doors and he tried to stop us but we drove away. he was chasing after us in his friends car and we were scared for our lives because if he got ahold of us he would have severlly hurt my mom and kidnapped the kids my mom knew of a shelter near by and the owner told us to hurry and come over and she would take care of us. we did and after a month we moved. there i found the courage to tell my story i went to court and put him in jail for the rest of his life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 25, 2011
Ashleigh:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you had the courage to tell and that this pedophile can no longer abuse any other children. I hope you continue to be in a safe place and that you are in some form of counselling in order to deal with the effects of sexual abuse. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Jeanny

by Jeanny
(Philippines)

This story is about how my mother abused me emotionally. Not about the pastor who abused me sexually because I am already over about that.

I am already 29 years old. I was about 9 or 8, I don't really remember my exact age at that time. My mother is a very sociable person. We used to have a lot of visitors in the house. One of the visitors actually stayed in our house for 2 years I guess. He's a pastor. I was a shy girl, never talked to others that much. This pastor befriended me. And one day, started molesting me. This went on for a lot of times. I could not remember the details anymore. It was like blocked in my brain that I could not remember the events. I was never bothered about it when I was young. I never told anyone about it. Then at the age of 25, I had my first boyfriend, and had sex with him. He told me that I am not a virgin. That started the problem. I kept insisting I am, and then I remember that I was sexually abused when I was a kid. It was so odd, that I really forgot of being abused. I told my boyfriend about that, and he was upset, he told my mom about it. My boyfriend is a Hindu, and wanted me to be converted to his religion, so he told my mom how bad our pastors are. My mom got so upset at me. She did not believe in me. She told me that I sinned for telling others that bad side of our religion. She told me that maybe I liked the pastor too, so I never told anyone. She accused me that I am the one who showed the motives too, because I was close to the pastor at that time. I was so hurt, to the point of questioning God why it happened to me.

One day, I told another pastor about it, and he believed in me. I was so moved that someone believed in me, that someone believed that it was not my fault. He prayed for me. And one day (after 6 months I guess), I sent him a message that I already had forgiven the pastor who molested me. It was a feeling of peace, and I felt like I am a new person.

I thought I already had forgiven everyone, but right now, as I am writing my story, I still could not forgive my mother. It keeps coming back to her not having time for me when I was young, calling me an ugly person (she said that I am really ugly, and that it's the truth), and giving time and love to her friends, and that I am so jealous about. And the most part is that I could not accept that my own mother accused me of showing motives. The pastor who molested me wrote me a letter in facebook asking for forgiveness and I told my mother about it, she just kept quiet, never said a word about it. I told her that now I have the evidence that the pastor really molested me.

Right now, I just wanted to believe that she is not my real mother. I send her money every month. Today, my mom is sick with gastritis and UTI. She's my dependent on my health insurance. We need to really save as she has a lot of debts, over half a million philippine peso. She needed a consultation in the city, and I told her to go alone. My aunt wanted to accompany her, and upon knowing that, I immediately became upset because that would mean that I have to pay for my aunt's fare and food for that day. And I would remember the events that she used to be always with relatives, and I would be in the room studying my books, and she would call me an ugly cat hiding in the room. Now that I am the one handling all the finances, things are so worse. My childhood and how my mom treats me kept coming back. And I want to treat her, just as how she treated me before. I still give her part of my salary for support, but the moment I find out that she's out again with her friends, I would always recall back the events that one of her friends molested me when I was young. That I never had the attention that I longed for when I was young. My dad never knew about me being molested. I do not want my dad to become sad. I was close to my dad when I was a kid, and my mom also verbally abused my dad, because he could not provide enough finances for the family. I feel like my dad has a lot on his shoulders that I just want him to not to know.

I wanna forgive my mother, but then her real attitude, acting like she is still rich even until this time that she is deeply into a lot of debt makes me become so angry. I do not know what to do. I just wanna be free. I have a very low self esteem right now. I see myself as so ugly even if others tell me I am not. There is one time that I took the IELTS exam, the examiner's question was "what was an unusual thing" you did recently? I told her that I confronted my mother why she calls me ugly. And even when I already confronted her, she would still strongly tell me that I am ugly. My examiner turned off the voice recorder, and told me that in fact she thought I am a model when I entered the room. But I could not believe any of that. My fiancee right now always tell me that I am pretty. Until now, I still feel that I am ugly. And I have a very low self esteem. I turned down one promotion at work because I feel like I could not handle it (though I graduated cum laude in college).

I do not know what to do. It seems like a very little problem, but I could get over it.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Oct 18, 2011
Jeanny:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

While I realize that your commitment to helping support your mother is ingrained within you and your belief system, there comes a times when you must act in a way that is healthy for you, not her. As long as she believes she controls you through your commitment to taking care of her, she will have power over you. Calling you "ugly" is not about you, it's about her. She's the one who feels ugly, but instead of dealing with her own stuff, she instead lashes out at the one person she continues to control: you. You're not ugly, and you never will be. And I'm not convinced that you have done the work necessary to deal with the sexual abuse, Jeanny. I think it's admirable that you forgive him, but it can't be at the expense of not dealing with the pain he caused you. And also understand that you were very likely not his only victim. He very likely sexually abused other girls during his pastor-hood. Forgiveness doesn't mean keeping it quiet. And the fact that he asked for your forgiveness tells me that he hasn't done what he needs to do. When someone asks for forgiveness, they aren't doing it for the other person, they're doing it for themselves. He needs to be reported for his criminal acts, in part because he's likely still committing them. The fact that the other pastor did nothing to report what you told him is also very disturbing. He continues along the same path of so many other pastors and priests in religions today: burying the truth instead of reporting it to the authorities, which is the right thing to do. None of what happened was your fault, no matter what your disturbed mother says, no matter what anyone else says. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to deal with the repercussions of what this pastor did to you, and what your mother continues to do to you, and to understand why you have taken the torch from your mother instead of standing up for your Self. You deserve that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 18, 2011
Support yourself and set yourself free!
by: Jill

Jeanny,
I hope you are able to see that by no fault of your own, that you've been supporting everyone else but yourself since you were born. Reality's been totally upside-down for you. Telling your story here is taking responsibility for yourself, turning your world right-side up and supporting you! Congratulations, you are on your way to recovering, and yes, YOU WILL! :)

My family did a lot of the same things. I was their designated supporter (scape goat). I was afraid to think I might be beautiful because when I stood up for myself, they became jealous and abused me. If I did everything they wanted me to, I thought I was safer, but I was missing out on living my own life. I had thought about leaving them when I was 20.

I was a very sweet person and had never been abusive to anyone, but the anger started coming out of me when I had a family of my own. I recalled my childhood sexual abuse when I was 38. With an unsupportive spouse, it was much more challenging to do recovery work.

Had I known at 20 what I knew at 38, I would have done my work first because I discovered that my husband was almost as dysfunctional as they were. Early in our relationship I'd conformed to his beliefs in order to protect the way he saw the world for him. When I became mature and healthier and no longer did this, he became very withdrawn and actually supported my family for a while. I knew he was in denial when he kept telling the counselor he wanted me to be the girl he married.

I was brave enough to see through all that and keep recovering, and he's recovering too.

See the people in your life for their behavior and not their image. Outside they may look like adults but they are behaving like 3 year olds.

Report the pastor, he handed you the golden ticket of a written confession on Facebook. Quickly forward it to the authorities. You owe him nothing. Prevent him from abusing more children.

Your mom is totally taking advantage of you and she's miserable because she chooses to be that way. Choose to see yourself as beautiful and worthy, because you are. You are equal to every person in the world. You owe her nothing for her chronic neglect and abusive treatment, move on.

Your father will survive if you tell him, you don't need to protect his image of an idealized family for him anymore.

Your fiancé can wait for you to do the work you need to do in order to be open and real with yourself and him about everything in your life. Your abusers treated your body as an extension of theirs. Part of recovery is to take your body back and see that it's your own. You never have to make anyone happy with it again, not even a spouse. He is in charge of his own happiness. A marriage is a two-way equal partnership and nothing less.

Support yourself and set yourself free!

Oct 18, 2011
...
by: Anonymous

Jeanny, your mom is wrong. You are not ugly; you are beautiful, so never believe any of those lies that she is spewing. Something's seriously wrong with her and she needs help. You were given a raw, crappy deal because she is so twisted in her own ways of thinking that she didn't even know how to take care of herself, not to mention be a mother to you. She should've loved and cherished you. Oh, and I can't believe that she would abandon you to that sick pervert of a pastor and allow him to offend you...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that sicko! A mother who chooses a pervert, any pervert, over her own precious, beautiful daughter is the kind of mother who didn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. You are not to blame for her ignorant behavior; she is to blame (and so is the pastor) because she and said pastor chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I hope that you try counselling, that you're in a safe place now, and that you try talking to your dad and your fiance.

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Child Abuse Story From Rachel

by Rachel
(Kentucky, USA)

Abused my whole life: 
Im 32 years old with 3 boys I am single and I have depression and bipolar type 2...I have read alot of the story's on here and I am going to try to open up. I have been in therapy for many years been on many meds nothing seems to help.
Dad: My abuse story starts young I dont remember alot of it. I have a blank hole of childhood. My dad was a abusive alcoholic. He used to hit me all the time I was the loud one. I have a sister she 5 years older than I an she stayed to herself. I have dyslexia so I was the broken one. We were never aloud to have friends over to the house. My mom went to school and worked all the time. She knew what was going on but yelled at him. The memory I remember the most is that I was told to clean my room. I played around and mom an I got into it. My dad was drunk and threw me on the bed pulled out a knife and said that it we didnt stop he was going to kill me. My mom threw me in a closet and they started yelling he left. This went on for years till CPS said he had to go. Mom: My mom filed for divorce and help him with a apartment.
He came when mom was out partying or working. My dad was a sick man. He tried to get my sister to sign a will so he could kill himself. One night he came my mom was there he said he wanted to die and he wanted my mom to watch. He grabbed his gun and went to shoot himself my mom sister and I stopped him. We wrestled with the gun to get it away from him. I was a light weight so I was flung in the was and my mom and sister fought with him it ended by mom punching him in the face. We tried to get help from a neighbor no helped so my mom had enough and treated him like a baby and he obeyed sent him to his moms.
Now my mom: is not supportive she was always partying away from the house and working. My sister raised me from about 11 - 13. My sister left me alone all the time she was with her friends and hardly came home. My mom had a hard time dealing with the fact that I had mental problems and educational problems she said it was a call for attention. She was always telling me I was fat witch I was but i didnt need to be reminded. Verbal abused I think i rather be hit. I was never good enough never did anything right. At 13 my mom married a wonder man.
The honeymoon: My mom went to fl when she was on her way my aunt was told to be there with me she was paid alot of money and had use of the car. she left me with my uncle three days in he raped me. I told school that he kissed me and they took me out that night my mom caught a red eye flight back home. I told he the truth she wigged and I went to the hospital where I met a woman who I wanted to trust. I told my story to the police social worker the woman who I was told I could trust. He was arrested and served 6 months an a year an half probation he got off a month early for good behavior.
Social worker: Well my social worker was from the same county I was in and she had a son whom found out that I was raped and he was nice enough to tell everyone in the school. Of course kids are mean an bullied me everyday about it he was suspended for 1 week. I was tourchered all the way through high school when I left to go to another school.
Suicide Attempts: I couldn't handle life my mother was always verbally abusive I was never skinny enough. Never got the grades she wanted. I was 16 I was a cutter and I took a bottle of pills I threw them back up but I ran away. I didnt get far my mom an step dad followed me. I was admitted in my first mental hospital that night. They put me on pills and after about 11 days and 10 nights I was sent home. Nothing changed mom put me on diet pills and I abused them for a while till my hair started to fall out so I stop taking them.
Mom: Well she was pregnant with the twins she was so mean to me. I of course didn't help I wouldn't come home when I should so I was alway grounded but I still went out. She hit me once and we got into it and I told her that I couldnt handle it anymore and said I was going to run away. I did. I ended up in a runaway shelter. I took a allergy pill and they said I tryed to kill myself second mental hospital I go. I was there 3 days and 2 nights more pills. I went back to moms and she wanted me to live with my aunt and uncle. I said yes.
My uncle: He is a abusive of the worst kind. He beat all of the kids for years my mom knew this. I was abused from him even when I was little. I moved in it was good at first then the abuse started. It was mental at first then he started to hit me at first I could not prove it because there was no bruises. One night he his me so hard that I thought he broke my leg. He didnt but I had my proof and I thought that I could save the other two too. No I didnt nothing happened except I was a liar and sent back to my moms.
Nothing changed I left home for good 6 months before my 18th birthday and never moved back in.
Since then I am unstable I want to know what happy is but I know I probably never will. I take care of my three kids and I smile an giggle and play with them. They will never know the pain I suffer through everyday. They know when I have bad days and good days. They know I am sick I have been in a mental hospital once since I have had them and thier my back bone. I need help before I loss it.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Rachel

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Nov 22, 2011
Rachel:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Not all therapists are created equally. Some are better than others. And we don't get to see what their marks are from school. We only know that they graduated. There are other alternatives. But these alternatives mean dispelling what we believe about ourselves. It means seeking out our personal truth, and then realizing that that personal truth isn't the truth at all. I'm not talking about what did or didn't happen to you, Rachel. I'm talking about what you tell your Self each and every day. Consider the work of Byron Katie or Colin Tipping. Both are equally effective in getting people to remove themselves from victimhood, but only if you're open-minded and leave room for the process. Your children deserve a mother who is healthy and present. You deserve help for your Self. Your children can't be your backbone; that's the job of their mother. But their mother needs help. Reach out for that help in ways you haven't yet reached for. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



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Child Abuse Story From Jason

by Jason
(Texas, USA)

When I was six, my mom died. Very soon after, my father started abusing me. At first, he would come into my room at night, touching and taking, and as I got older it got a lot worse. He also became physically abusive, to the point that I considered bruises that covered my torso getting off lightly. He always avoided my face though, because he wouldn't want anyone to know that we weren't a perfect family. He called me worthless, a mistake, an idiot. I believed him, because why else would he do those things to his own son? He had a friend, that would come over as well. I dreaded seeing him. He was...gentler than my father, but I couldn't stand being touched and his greatest pleasure seemed to be humiliating me. He always told me that I must have enjoyed it, because of how my body responded.
When I was 15, I started cutting. I didn't do it often, mostly when I was numb because it helped me feel something that wasn't panic. I hit or threw things when I was angry, which was often, ate very little, and slept even less. I would wake up screaming when I did, nightmares that I could avoid in the day assaulting my mind.
No one seemed to notice though. I was good at hiding. I made good grades, did theatre, had friends. One of those friends knew something was wrong, but I brushed off his questions. I didn't need to worry someone else about it.
The abuse has stopped now, but only because I'm in college now. It went on for 11 years, more than half my current life. I still have panic attacks, nightmares, don't cope well. But I'm getting better. I hope.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jason

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Dec 11, 2011
Jason:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

That sex offender did what most offenders do with their young male victims, he confused you by telling you that you must have liked it because your body responded. The truth is that it is perfectly natural for a young male to have an erection (and even an orgasm) when he is scared, anxious or nervous. None of what happened was your fault. Fault is squarely on the shoulders of your offenders because they chose to offend you. I'm delighted that you are no longer in that terrible environment. Please use whatever resources there are available to you in college to help you deal with the repercussions of all the abuse you had to endure. Seek out some form of counselling or therapy to help you deal with the betrayal and abandonment. You didn't deserve to be abused. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. If you don't, the effects will be far-reaching. You deserve so much more than that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jan 08, 2012
Stay Strong, Jason!!!!!
by: Anonymous

I wanted to tell you how brave and strong you are for enduring such a traumatizing life at such a young age. im so happy that you aren't home anymore. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to deal with such a monstrosity. stay strong, Jason, and I hope things work out for you in life. ill be praying for good fortune for you and everyone on this website.

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Child Abuse Story From Julianna

by Julianna
(Indiana, USA)

And that early morning a baby was born, slightly blue, with alcohol and drugs in her system. The doctors got her breathing and sent her away with her parents, thinking nothing of the drugs, alcohol, and tainted cigarette smell. At home neglected and starved from the very first days, she leaned to rely on whatever she could to keep her alive. Drunken parties at 2 A.M. were normal to her, and being around drugs seemed like the normal family habit. The drugs got worse and the parties got worse. She was soon locked in her room sometimes for days on end, crying to be let out of her room. When she would go to her grandparents house she was dirty, covered in fleas and other bugs. Always an extremely sickly extremely thin child, her immune system failed when she got chicken pox. Being very sick and no one to care for her she was forced to defend herself. At a young age of four she knew how to scream, how to run, how to use the microwave, how to use the phone, and she was often noted walking around outside during the winter with little to no clothing on. This little girl was saved when she was five years old. The mental, physical, and sexual abuse were taken away. She was handed over to people who became her guardians. The abuse doesn't end though. Throughout her struggle to cope with what happens, she faced PTSD, anorexia, bulimia, suicide tendencies, self-harm, infantalism, OCD, and severe anxiety. She thought she was safe, she thought she would never be beaten again. At 18 years old, today she was beaten by her adopted father. She is scared, its happening all over again. That little girl is me.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Julianna

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Nov 24, 2011
Julianna:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

That little abused girl is no longer so little. You are no longer helpless. You CAN get help for yourself. You deserve to get help for yourself. Contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Given where you live, I don't know what the laws are about child abuse at aged 18, but they can give you information. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Consider contacting a women's shelter for resource information as well. As you become an adult, what may have been child abuse when you were a minor child becomes assault when you reach the age of majority. Do what you must in order to protect your Self, Julianna. You are NOT that helpless little girl any longer. You are strong and worthy of dignity and respect. I know you're strong because you've already survived some of the most horrid child abuse one can suffer. Stay strong and stand up for your Self by reaching out for any and all the help available to you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 25, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Julianna, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your abusers were so twisted and screwed up in their own ways of thinking that they didn't even know how to take care of themselves, let alone be parents to you. Oh, and your adoptive parents are no better, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting those sad, tragic brutes who adopted you as well.

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Child Abuse Story From Elaine

by Elaine
(Pennsylvania, USA)


Father abuse and a Finding Hope: 
My mother was pregnant with my baby sister,she was never home i was alone with my Father i was only 5 or 6 i believe!When she wasn't around my father use to make me clean for him clean the whole house!when i didn't and yell at him he use to get cord's,rubber anything really hard and thick and use to hit me with it he hit my back,arm,leg's!he messed up my hip bones people make fun of the way i walk a lil but it make some want to cry sometimes.He is a very heavy drinker!he use to choke me he said awful things to me i wanted to kill myself i even did drugs and stuff!I cry and cry wonder if my dad will ever be nice to me or if i would ever hear him say just for once in my life!hearing him say "Im proud of you my daughter!" or "I love you" i went to school i was bully people trip me, called me names, i never made friends i always cry in the bathroom i never talk i was to scared!The only friend i had was a toy bear that was torn up and dirty and well the walking dead which was a evil spirit!I never bond with my family later on i was raped by my own father friends and i was only 7 years old i was scared he told me if i ever told anyone he would hurt me!years past bye and now im 14 years old!i started using the computer to talk or something!Then i met this guy he is now 19 we talk for so long we webcam he was nice he told me how his child hood was like and it was the same as mine.We meet. He knows about my father and he worries and cares so much about me then i called him Daddy when i called him he was crying in tears of joy and well im proud of calling him Daddy im not scared of smiling or telling him truth with out being beat!I hear him say "I love you" and "Im proud to be your father" and stuff makes me cry because well he the only one who ever told me that and it makes me happy hearing him say that!He promised me he would adopt me once he finishes college so i can be happy in life and not use fake smiles all the time im happy and i hope he keeps his word to me.So yeah i been threw a lot and im still going threw it and well i promise my Daddy i wouldn't do anymore drugs or do suicide he told me "Never Give Up" and well he showing me how to be brave and strong even if it's a long distance Father and Daughter thing but i don't care what people say!Im happy calling him daddy and i hope nothing happens to him cuz i care about him and if he died...i don't know what i would do with out my daddy even though my Father gives me hard times but i do my best to make it threw!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Elaine

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Nov 28, 2011
Elaine:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Please please please understand something here: That man is NOT the friend you think he is. This relationship you have with him is so so dangerous. He's taking advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. He's so very likely a predator, saying all the things you want and need to hear, all the things you so desperately want and need your own father to say. Please trust me on this. You WILL be hurt so much more than even now when this man betrays you in the worst way, when he uses and abuses the trust you put into him, ways that you may never recover from. I know this is not what you want to hear. I know you want to hear how wonderful it is to have him in your life, but I would be doing you a huge disservice by not telling you what I know in my heart. You ARE so worthy of dignity and respect and love. You really and truly are. This man is not the key to that. He's knows what to say. This will NOT turn out well. I know this from personal experience. Please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse at the hands of your father. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Start treating your Self with the dignity and respect and love you deserve, Elaine. Call the number. You don't deserve to be mistreated in any way. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated. Thank you dear one for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 28, 2011
You opened the door!
by: Jill

Elaine,
Please follow Darlene's advice. It's never natural for a person you meet on the internet to be your "Daddy". This man's a predator and you're walking into his net. The key thing is that he's grooming you long distance. You only know what he tells you, and there's a lot he's not telling you about himself.

This happened to a 14 year old girl in my town. She was raped in the man's home several times after a period of internet grooming. She reported it, and he's is in prison. Never for a moment follow your fantasy that this guy can adopt you, it isn't possible. Your parents are your legal guardians. Please report him so he doesn't prey on more 14 year old girls.

I understand your needing a father figure in your life to help you find your way. Your father was your first predator and your parents aren't fit to be parents. I went through this as a child, always looking for someone to fill that lonely space and continued to walk into several more predatory relationships with men after my father.

Feeling alone is part of what makes you attractive to predators. Realize that by telling your story, you've decided to open the door to your freedom from your family's cycle of abuse. You have the power to learn how to never be alone with abusive people again and find healthy relationships. Keep telling your story in your real life to trusted adults outside your family until you get the results you need to be safe and treated with dignity. Congratulations, you opened the door!

Nov 28, 2011
danger
by: Carrie

Please, Please hear Darlene on this one. You are in danger with this male on line. He is not out to love you and care for you, he is a predator. He is out to take advantage of you. You deserve much better. Please call the contact Darlene gave you. You will find help and relief.

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Child Abuse Story From Michelle

by Michelle
(Rhode Island, USA)

I have a history of abusive relationships. I always found myself in male/female relationships where I had great difficulty saying no. I was either overly promiscuous or totally paralyzed to submission. I often felt as if I had no sense of self. I officially lost my virginity when I was 14, and soon had a reputation for being the neighborhood whore. Boys would consistently call my home looking for sexual favors. I had the word whore written outside my home in spray paint. I was sexually assaulted multiple times by neighborhood boys, who grabbed breasts and tried removing my pants. One boy held me at knife point wanting me to perform oral sex on him. I recall many times being high and just having them line up for oral sexual favors. It got to the point that I had no self esteem, eventually I found myself spending the night at one of the neighborhood boys homes. He was sort of my boyfriend and the young man I lost my virginity to. I was 14. He was not supposed to have girls in his room and would get in trouble if he did. Well I had no way out when his mom came home, so in the closet I went when she did bed check. He also had cousin and friends sleep over. Once again I found myself being promiscuous and the male friends also wanting favors. Life was hell. This was the summer of 1975. I felt dirty, slutty, ugly, unworthy. Parts of me wanted to get the hell away...to run away. I wanted a way out but had no idea how.

Eventually, I found the courage to get out. In September of that year my high school had a teachers strike. My parents decided to send me to the local Catholic High school which was a family tradition for the members of our family. So off I went, however the abuse was far from over. The phone calls continued. My 1st cousin who lived close by sexually assaulted me and informed me of the reputation I had within the neighborhood. He told me what the neighborhood boys were saying about me. I wanted salvation. I wanted support. I wanted some form of normalcy without all the guilt and shame. I was horrified that my own cousin sexually assaulted me. He was wrestling with me and the next thing I knew his mouth was all over mine and his hands on my breasts. He stopped once I began crying. He told me not to tell anyone. I went home and told my parents. The first words out of my fathers mouth, "I knew that was going to happen...look at the way you were dressed." I was dressed like any other young 15 year old teenage girl; jeans, little crop top, and my denim platform shoes. But I asked for it. I always seemed to ask for it.

Time went on. Found myself in and out of crazy relationships with guys throughout college. Always crying after sex. Always feeling dirty....feeling like the penis was a weapon. In my senior year of college, I hooked up with a great guy, but had no clue how to have a relationship with him. Always wanted to believe that I was not just a booty call. I just did not know how to connect with him. He knew about my past relationship issues. He knew I was raped and sexually assaulted by my cousin. He knew the whole shabang with the neighborhood boys. I wanted to believe he truly loved me and that he was just not in it for the sex. Twenty five years later, when he came to my fathers wake I realize it was just not all about sex. I hurt him greatly, but realize I could not commit myself to him because there was more in my background that I needed to face that had yet to surface.

In 1988, I got married. In 1990, I gave birth to my first son. By 1992, the real memories began to surface. Following sex, I often found myself crying and sometimes sobbing to myself, why daddy. I began having clear flashbacks of a man masturbating on me and ejaculating on me. I began having images of being in my driveway in an old car. I would be in the front seat and someone was asking me to touch his penis. I realize now, that man was my fathers brother, my Uncle J, who eventually did masturbate on. He called it the touch and feel good game. I never told my parents. The truth never fully surfaced until I buried my father in 2008. However, I spent 8 years estranged from my family. I spent 8 years in therapy for sexual abuse, and believed it was my father who was my primary perp. I accused my father of molesting me. He never physically molested me but in his own way contributed to the escalation of the abuse.

My father was a heavy gambler and drinker. I was sexually abused by my Uncle J, while my father was traveling on business. Uncle J would come and watch us kids while my mother would go grocery shopping. Sometimes he would take me out for ice cream. He probably began molesting me when I was 3. He masturbated on me one summer afternoon. I was 4 years old. I get sick thinking of it. My father contributed to the abuse and exacerbated it because he would climb in bed with any one of his children while drunk. He climbed in bed with me up until I was probably 11 years old. Once I started my period he stopped. He would climb in bed with one of his kids. When he was drinking Mom would not let him in bed with her. When he was not sober during my teen years his commentary with me was always belittling in terms of how I was dressed, what I was wearing and that the boys only wanted to get in my pants. Uncle J was upper case sexual abuse; dad was lower case sexual abuse. Mom was denial. I never had any sense of self; absolutely no sense of stability or structure; craved acknowledgment, approval and love from both parents especially my dad, and often wondered about my purpose. Uncle J's molestation of me had me believing this was my purpose. I also believed it was a form of punishment from Daddy because it happened when he was away from home. Each time he climbed in bed with me I would wonder if what happened between me and Uncle J would happen between me and Daddy.

As mentioned the memories began surfacing when my oldest son was approaching 2. I came right out and accused my father of being the perp. I soon found myself estranged from my family. I was kicked out of my sisters wedding party. I was to be her maid of honor. I was not even allowed to attend. I did not attend my brothers wedding either. Throughout my therapy I often wondered if it was my father who taught me the touch and feel good game. I finally realized he was not the perp that it was my Uncle J. This occurred to me in 1998 when I attended my Uncle J's wake. While at the wake I asked the whereabouts of other cousins. I was told by their siblings that they refused to attend the wake because he molested them. I reconciled with my family. I also learned that my family knew about Uncle J being a pedophile while I was growing up. Once word got out my mother claims she and my father made sure he was not allowed near us. I even recall now at the age of 9, my mother asking me about the possibility of Uncle J molesting me or my siblings. At the time I did not have the memory recovered. It was such a trauma when it happened to me. My mother and I talk about it on occasion. Although I never got the chance to talk about it with my father. I have forgiven him for crossing the boundaries. My mother and I have discussed the extremity of my fathers pain over my having been sexually abused and his failing to protect me. She claims he often cried when we were estranged. He also told me how sorry he was on his death bed. I am glad I was able to reconcile and forgive him for his short comings so I could be there when he passed. Occasionally, I still check in with my therapist. Currently I am estranged from my sister. She still refuses to believe what happened between me an Uncle J and refuses to see my father climbing in bed with us as crossing the boundaries. She is currently calling me toxic and claims that I destroyed the family with everything I put them through in terms of my own healing. She believes it could never have happened because our mother was a child abuse social worker. My mother believes that it did happen. My mother believes it was wrong for my father to have climbed in bed with us, and admits to having been oblivious to it all because she worked it day in and day out in her job, had a husband who had issues and for a very long time was the sole provider for the family. My mother also admits to having a hard time digesting it because of what her position with the state once was. She does not minimize that it happened. She always believed that it did. As of now I am working through the anger I have towards my sister. She minimizes my experience and blames me for the pain I caused the family. However, the adult in me realizes it is her childhood issues that are beginning to surface. She is angry, but not at me. I hope she will find the courage to confront and work through them. But I refuse to minimize and deny my experience for her mental health, because it is toxic to mine. As for now I have a wonderful job, a wonderful husband, 2 fine beautiful boys, a golden retriever; and a new life ahead of me full of healing and love.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Michelle

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Nov 04, 2011
Michelle:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've hit the nail on the head with your mother, your father, your uncle, and your sister. Your father set you up for sexual abuse on many levels. He was deeply misguided, and was part of the problem. He enabled the abuse to go on with his absurd response. Blaming you meant he didn't have to deal with the reality of it. You were not to blame. Your Uncle J groomed you and your parents, and your parents put the blinders on. I'm encouraged by the fact that your mother has accepted her role in all of it. As for your sister, she has likely buried the truth, which is probably why her response is so strong and hostile. Her perceived reality was hanging by a thread, a thread you've now unravelled to the point of near snapping. You can't change her or her responses. You can only control your own. You may never have a relationship with her, but so be it. You can't have such negativity and hostility in your life, no matter where you are along the road of healing and recovery. Even family doesn't have the right to walk that road with you if they don't follow the path themselves. It may be a different path, but it must be parallel with yours. If it's going backwards or if it hampers your ability to move forward, then you have to draw the line. You've done that. Stay the path you're following. You're treating your Self better than anyone ever has. Your ability to forgive is also taking you far. Keep up the great work, Michelle. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 06, 2011
a victim isnt your identity an your story proof of that
by: Anonymous

wow your story is a testimony to truth

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Child Abuse Story From Ronica D

by Ronica D
(USA)

A lesson to be learned: 
It felt like nothing mattered. My mom was outside and my dad was drinking. Some days he did not but some days he did. And when he did, it was hell. So, he walks up to my mom and says you "B*tch, why all the time you go around and sleep with these guys? I f***ing hate you. Every day it's the same thing all the time. Why?" Well, my mom said, embarassed, "what are you talking about?" Her friends walked away and said "I'll be back later."
Then I walked out the front door and saw my mom being hit around by my dad. "F*** you" he said, "you a***ole." I said, "Daddy stop," and he told me to "shut up." All I wanted to know is why he did that to my mom.
Sometimes I wondered why he did that and sobbed and cried.

The next night he went out with his friends and drank some mroe. He got a lot of beer and drank. Then I followed him. "Why do you do that?" I asked. "Does that do anything for you?" He beat my mom again in the room and he said "shut up!" and hit her some more. He did not care at all.

The next day, my ex-boyfriend wanted to have sex with me so he made a decision that I wasn't ready for. I didn't know how to say "no." So then he started to pass me to his friends and they said that they loved me and that they cared about me. I responded, "Bulls**t." But I slept with them. I felt like I made the wrong decision and it hurt me. It changed me. I felt like my self-esteem started to go down. It got me really upset and took my anger out on everyone else.

I started to run away more and not be myself. I thought I was grown but I really didn't know what was coming for me or what the next life decision was. I met another boy and he cared and he tried to get my mother away from me. And it hurt my relationship with my mom. I felt like crap.

I moved to Providence in a new environment, feeling homesick and scared and enraged. I felt like a teenager. I didn't really know what was going on but all I could see was people having struggles and getting hurt and then it all started with me getting into restraints, hitting staff, beating up one person, but really it didn't have anything to do with them. I had to find smoething inside of me that would help me. That I cared about. They took my mom away from me for a year and six months. I went crazy. I couldn't think; I was lost. I felt trapped, emprisioned. That whole year, I was going out with guys in programs, not making good decisions. Then, I started to not harm others or myself. I stayed safe. I turned it around by getting off-grounds privilages with staff and my mom, and other family. I started to feel good about myself.

My brother always used to sell drugs and give it to my mom. So one day, the cops broke into my house and had guns to all of our heads. I was sobbing and crying and screaming for help. And they told me to "shut up!" And I was lost and I wanted my mom but she was too busy using drugs. It hurt my feelings that she did that.

It took me a while to say this, but if I can start over, so can all you teenagers. I've been in six programs and I'm trying to leave my sixth one for good and stay with my mom and family. I want to start my new life over. God bless you. :-)




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Ronica D

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Oct 20, 2011
Ronica:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you've turned your life around, that you no longer harm others or yourself. You're to be commended for the hard work you've done in order to get your life back. And while I do applaud you for finding the courage and intestinal fortitude to make the changes in your life, I also must say that comparing oneself to those who are still struggling with the effects and repercussions of abuse is passing judgment. I believe in meeting people where they are. Sometimes the pain is so intense, one cannot see clearly. The pain of the moment caused from the past, takes over everything. You were there, Ronica, so you know what that feels like. Each of us has to make the conscious decision to walk the road of healing and recovery. Until the person is ready to do so, truly ready, we can only offer compassion and understanding, and send them love and light. The rest is up to them. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. You are an inspiration.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Allison

by Allison
(USA)

my mom barely feeds me. i am eleven my dad is afraid of her. no breakfast. no given lunch. no money to get lunch from school. a smaller dinner given to me and me only. treated as aslave. wrk for my dad to earn money for myself. im hit. i wear jackets everyday so nobody can see the everlastng red marks. i have too be strong because she will just hit more. i cant wait to turn eighteen...to walk into freedms arms.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Allison

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Dec 28, 2011
Allison:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You have a right to have your basic needs met. You are experiencing child neglect. If you continue to keep the secret, nothing can change. I certainly understand your fear. I also know for a fact that "freedom's arms" do not exist simply because you turn 18 years of age and are now considered as reaching the age of majority. What happens at this age when one comes from abuse is that the person is now at extreme risk for other kinds of abuses, abuses at the hands of perverts and undesirables who look for young people who are vulnerable. These twisted people then take advantage of those vulnerabilities, which in turn could mean sexual assaults, and worse. You need help now. Please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your Self with that dignity and respect and love; reach out for the help you really do need. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 29, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Allison, get out of that house NOW, tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jan 01, 2012
Tell tell
by: Anonymous

Allison, this brings tears to me and makes me want to feed you and help you. please tell someone until someone hears you and reaches out! It will be the best thing you have ever done in your life, promise. I went thru same thing as a child but waited until in was 14 and I shouldn't have waited that long!

Jan 03, 2012
Get help
by: Anonymous

You go to school, police, firefighter, hosptial, you tell and dont stop, dont go back, get help, you need to be a child, your dad and you need to leave.

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Child Abuse Story From Scott H

by Scott H
(Iowa, USA)

My story was a long and very brutal one. I could tell you I had a magical childhood in a way. I was lucky to ever have a day where I wasn't being raped or beaten, or verbally abused. My life was sh*t, but to tell this to anyone else, people didn't believe me because I was so detailed in it all and showed the scars and tried to get attention. No one believed me even to this day no one believes me. So I scratch at the scars hoping that someone will see me bleeding and come to cover them up.

I was molested by my older brother at the age of about 4 or 5. I was groomed by him and my cousins to like sex and give sex to them daily. I eventually became willing to give them the sex and I was told that I needed to keep doing it and sharing it with others. I became a monster of sorts. But people didn't see me as a victim and still don't. I have done a lot of illegal things throughout my years mainly because of the pain I get from not being sexual. It becomes too much to endure and the shame goes deeper than my soul can touch. I even wonder if God has felt this much pain on the cross. I hope that I die soon at times of great sorrow, and I know that I have hurt others, but I don't care. Others don't care about me so why should I worry about how they are hurting when I hurt them. I have been shown no love at all in my life, except one time with my wife and a female pastor who treated me better than anyone else in the world took me in and showed me how to truly be loved and to share that love with others. I didn't get to learn enough though because I still hurt and I am still hurting others, but not as much. Mostly mentally and emotionally. That is because I still receive that same feeling from others. I wish someone would stop and show me further how to remove these feelings.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibi