Child Abuse Story From Youkina

by Youkina
(Pakistan)

Don't know how to overcome child abuse effects: 
I am 31 yrs old, female, from Pakistan. I want to share my story, may be this will be a vent for me.

I was abused physically and verbally by my real mother almost every day. She used to beat me up to death, sometimes for petty reasons, like not helping her in household chores and playing with my siblings ( i was only 10 yrs old). she never beat any of my brothers and sisters but only me. After beating me up, she used to tell them that i am there enemy and they should never take me as a sister, bcz i have some evil plans in my mind. She convinced my father that i am a trouble maker and i have relations with boys and i am going to bring shame to thier family. He believed it word by word, and for another 5 years i suffered, but one day he came earlier from his office and he saw the whole thing, how she was beating me, kicking me and smashing my head with the wall. He started to take my side, but still never stopped her from abusing me.
I also tried to commit suicide. It was horrible. I was also sexually abused by my aunt ( my mother's sister) because my mother sent me to her mother's house when i was 7 months old and brought me back whe i was 10 yrs of age, then she started her part of the abuse. Also sexually abused by my brothers.
It was like living in hell, i wanted to die. My father somehow managed to send me to university, but i am in a country where girls can not leave home until they are married. so she used to beat me up until i got married ( i was 26 yrs old, when i got married).
In our society we have to maintain relationship with our parents, no matter what. But i hate that woman. I hate her guts. I dont know what to do? i still scream and shout in my dreams, i have terrible night mares. Most of the time i am fighting with her. I hate them all, but i dont know how to deal with it. I am harsh, depressive and have no place to talk about all this stuff. I am still afraid of her, and all of them ( my aunt, my brothers).
For timebeing i am living with her again as my husband is abroad searching for a job, so i dont know how to channel my hatred.
I dont know what to do.
A Victim




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May 13, 2012
Youkina:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are trapped in a society of tradition that does not value girls. As a woman, you have few rights. This makes what you're dealing with now that much more challenging, but it doesn't make it impossible. I don't know that much about your traditions...I gather living alone while your husband is away is frowned upon and unacceptable, but consider another place you can go. You are now a full-grown woman. Ask your Self if there are other options for you. Ask your Self if there is another place you can go where you will be treated with dignity and respect. Investigate a hotline for domestic violence and other possible resources available to you. I send you love, light and healing energy, Youkina. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


May 29, 2012
dont loose hope
by: Mahi

Dear from Pakistan i salute you that you come forward n shared your story ,it was very depressing n shocking .how you manged your child hood only you know.i want to ask how is your family behavior towards you now after your marriage .do not think what they will say but do one thing always make them tell their cruel behaivour towards you . do not try to be accepted by them ,they will never accept you so just and live happy life with your husband.never share your personal matters with your family.i can only pray for you a happy life ahead.Ameen

May 29, 2013
I'm with you.
by: Anonymous

I can relate to this, a lot. I'm 17 now but I'm Pakistani as well. I originally am Pakistani but I was born in, and live in the UK. My mum's the same, she beats me, she always beat me up since I was very little and loves my siblings. She said I was a mistake, and she also says I am a disgrace to the family, but I did nothing wrong. Just remember that now you are a strong woman! Don't ever forget that okay? You are amazing just the way you are and it was not your fault, but your mum's fault. Our Pakistani culture is very influential, no matter where we are, no matter what country we live in, our home culture plays a huge role in our lives. Even though I can ask for help, I hesitate because of our Pakistani culture. So I too am stuck with my mum until marriage I guess. Your mum, and my mum, and many other mums are very vile, it's their fault for scarring us. I hope we heal soon and get rid of this pain in our hearts. I'm sorry about your aunt, your aunt is demented, and sick. You are better than your abusers, remember that. I also want to commit suicide sometimes, and I have tried to do so in the past. My mum would hit me the same way, giving me bruises, cuts, black eyes, nose bleeds and such. I'm sorry your father never stopped your mum from abusing you. My mum would emotionally/mentally abuse me too, and she still does. It's tough. My heart goes out to you, stay strong and never lose hope! xxx

Jul 24, 2015
Sorry to hear
by: Ana

I am sorry to hear about what had happened with your childhood, teenage etc. I wonder, how could a mother act like that to her own daughter? This is so inhuman and I can understand how much hatred you would be having against her.

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Child Abuse Story From Mandy

by Mandy
(Indiana, USA)

My Child Hood, If you wanna call it that: 
I do not remember much of my child hood years, Part because of all the abuse and part because I tried so hard to forget, and now only remember bad. My mother is and always has been a drug addict and alchoholic. She has 5 children, Her first when she was 14 and then one kid every other year until all 5 by the time she was 22. Her first child was from rape by her step dad. And that is where the abuse began in our life. She never knew how to be a mom, but for some reason kept having kids. I remember being traded for drugs. Raped so many times I cant count by drug addicts. I remember being beat so bad I couldnt walk and never recieving medical care, I lost all my teeth by the time I was 23 because I had an enamel deficiency, and calcium deficiency that were never treated. Now at 30 there are days when I cannot get out of bed because I have scoliosis, and Osteoporosis so badly. My child hood still to this day effects my physicall life. However I refuse to allow it to make me who I am. I am the mother of 3 amazing kids, I love them and would do anything for them. I did not hate my mother for all of the things that happened to me when I was a child because I did not know any better, it was just normal. I realised how wrong it was when I was 16 years old, and I gave birth to my first child. See the moment he was born and I heard him cry I knew that I would die to protect him. That is when I hated my mother, and I hated her with everything in me. I made a promise to my self and my son on that day June 16th 1997 that I would be everything my mother was not, and nothing she was. If I even make a face that reminds me of her it makes me sick. However I have forgiven her, 5 years ago I found Christ, and became a born again Christian. I have learned that I can forgive her and still not like the things she did. I talk to her on the phone and she has met my kids, that is as far as I can go to keep my kids safe, as she is still a drug addict and drunk. Out of her 5 kids I am the only one that does not drink or use drugs. I have never became addicted to anything in my fight to be nothing like her. I met my father when I was 21 after searching for years, just to find out that he too is a drunk drug addict, and that he was one of the boyfriends I remember from when I was young and he too abused me. But as a christian I was able to forgive him to, and he has been in my life for about 8 years now. However yet again he is not allowed to be over if he is drinking or drunk, to keep my kids from seeing. I realise however that my kids are spoiled and do not appreciate what they have because I am to easy on them. In unconscience fear that I would go over board if I ever did physically punish them. So now that they are older I am seeing the oposite damage I have cause in being to relaxed in thier punishments. I too am a survivor of abuse, and I must say that whe I hear of abused kids growing up to abuse it makes me sick. That is a lame excuse and at one point in life you have to learn to except that it is no longer your parents fault no matter how bad they were, once you become an adult it is now on you, stop making excuses and blaming your child hood, and take the blame and fix the problem, I will say that there are things I did not get to do and I did wrong because of the child hood I had but now it is my fault if those things havent been done, cause if they needed to be done then I as an adult should go back and do them. I dropped out of high school at 16 to have my son, and when I was 18 I went back and got my GED. I have never been a drunk or drug addict cause I choose not to be. I have fixed or am fxing my problems and not blaming them on my crappy life. There is a time in everyones life when you have to grow up and just take the blame. I spent years in and out of the Foster care system and suffered even worse abuse in foster care at times, and Because of that I obtaining at this time a license to be a foster parent, to try to help the kids that I can. So for all who were abused and are abused, you can live a different life, you have the choice to be good. You are not your parents. Get up and stop making excuses and just do it. You are exactly who you are supposed to be, and God knew you before you were born and that child hood you struggle with you should embrace for making you one heck of a strong person, cause I know that I am strong and I can handle anything with Christ by my side. You can too. I hope this helps someone some where, and Thank you for having the bravery to stand up and tell your story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Mandy

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May 09, 2012
Mandy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

While I agree that in our adults lives we must take responsibility for our own adult actions, I also believe we must meet people where they are in their lives at the moment we meet them, be it in person, online or some other way. I cannot judge others for their path since my own path many years ago was far from the path I now follow. You obviously believe your approach works for you, but that approach may not work for others. In part, because it has the effect of burying the emotions and feelings that desperately want to come to the surface. I don't begrudge those who need to find another way for them Selves, a way that can ultimately get them to a place where they can begin to take responsibility for their actions as adults. I have hope that this site helps many eventually get to that place.

One more thing I'll say here, I am very concerned that your father, whom you say abused you (though you didn't identify the type of abuse), has contact with your children, even when he's sober. Drinking is never an excuse for abuse; and the fact is, by what you've stated, he still drinks. The likelihood that he would abuse one or all of them in the same way he abused you is very high under the circumstances. This may also affect your ability to license as a foster home. Also, disciplining your children is your responsibility so that they are ready for the world when they are on their own. And by "discipline" I'm NOT speaking of hitting or spanking them. I do not advocate for that kind of so-called discipline. This will be another issue when it comes to fostering children. I thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Mandy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Cammy

by Camilla
(Cannberra, Australia )

I was 8 when my mother died of cancer. My dad remarried trying to make the best life possible for me and my three older brothers. I was happy that my father found someone to love again. My father, being the over protective person he is, went into the military and died when I was 13. This is when my step mom started drinking every night. The abuse started when I was 14 and refused to call her my mother. Every night was the same for me, she would throw me into my room then whip me and lock me in a tiny closet for days. She took favor over my brothers, so I was the only one being abused. I was suicidal up until I turned 18 and realized I could move out at the end of the year. So I did and my step mother followed. I'm not quite 19 yet and I'm in college with my step mom living close by. I still hate her and always will.




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Jun 26, 2012
Cammy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, you stepmom has serious problems. You, on the other hand, have remarkable strength. Not only did you survive what she made you endure, you're now in college, intending to educate your Self; and that's a major victory in and of itself. Colleges typically have counsellors available to you, so if that's the case, please consider using the resources that are there for you. You may also have to distance your Self from your stepmom in order for healing to begin. Always work toward what's in YOUR best interest, Cammy. A counsellor can help you to release all the feelings and emotions that are trapped inside your Self, and help you deal with the repercussions of what happened to your mother, then your father, and then you at the hands of a deeply disturbed stepmother as a result of both your parents' demise. None of what happened was your fault...always remember that. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Cammy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Lyndamaureen

by Lyndamaureen
(Pennsylvania, USA)

I was very hesitant at first to write my story, But I realize now that it will help me. My story begins before I was born, my father left and married my mother's sister. The large amount of stress that caused her sent her into premature labor, and I was born 6 1/2 weeks premature. I am the youngest of 7 children to a now single mother. My sister, the only other girl, hates me and always has. I can't remember most of my childhood, and my mom worked third shift all of my life. My siblings raised me.

Now, sister is 15 years older than me and no matter what I looked up to her. I wanted to be smart,beautiful, and an amazing mother just like her. To her I was none of these and never would be. When I was 10 T and her husband separated and she needed someone to watch my nephews for the summer, so my mom shipped my off to her.During that whole time I only remember one night, I called my mom crying because I had nothing to feed them. T got really mad and went off on me,yelling and hitting me, little did I know that drugs had slowly been taking over her life at that point.The end of summer came, and I was happy to go home. T and her boys moved back home too, and I was so excited, if only I knew what the future held for me I would have ran for the hills. The next 3 years were a living nightmare. I became the primary caregiver of my two nephews, and I perfered the physical abuse over the mental and emotional, because I knew the physical pain would go away faster. When I was 13 T went into rehab for drugs and alcohol abuse,and we needed to attend family therapy, where I was informed by her so called therapist,(exact words) "it is your fault that T is an addict". I was devistated. I continued to care for my Nephews the best I could until I was 18. I worked 3 jobs when I turned 16 to care for their needs. T has them so brainwashed , that now the don't even speak to me, and the youngest is agoraphobic,apparently this is my fault as well. I no longer speak with any of my family, but I have a happy life now,with two sons of my own, plus 3 step -sons and a beautiful step-granddaughter. My only regret now is that I am seriously ill, and I miss my brothers. I know that with prayer and time I will be able to handle it all without crying. I also know that I have my husband to help my when I am down, he understands why I do not want to see a counsler after what happened the one and only time I went to any kind of therapy. I know as I remember more and more about my childhood he will be there by my side to remind me that I am not at fault for this.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lyndamaureen

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May 04, 2012
Lyndamaureen:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The therapist who told you outright you were at fault that your sister was an addict deserves to be stripped of his/her credentials. ANY therapist worth his or her salt would NEVER, under any circumstances, blame a child openly or otherwise for a patient's drug addiction. It just goes to show that therapists are not all created equally. And they aren't created equally, Lyndamaureen. This is a time in your life where you can choose to engage in deeper healing, and a time in your life where you can choose to trust where you couldn't before. Trust in critical between a client/patient and counseller/therapist. There is no healing possible without that trust. But there comes a point in one's life where we must take a leap of faith. You can take this leap with much less risk by doing some interviews with potential counsellors and asking questions to determine whether or not you could believe in the person's credentials. Remember the old adage: One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch. You deserve the healing that can come from a working with a good therapist. The time really is NOW. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


May 04, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Lyndamaureen, I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a sister and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare they! Oh, and she's wrong. You are not ugly; you are beautiful. You're not irresponsible; she's the one who is an irresponsible mother because she chose to do drugs as a mother. You're not stupid; you're smart and articulate; never believe any of those lies that she was spewing. As for that so-called therapist, that person needs to be fired because it's not your fault that your sister is a drug addict; it's her own fault because, again, she chose to be a drug addict. She's stuck in her own childhood. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and chose to misuse it over you. I'm glad that your husband is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Ariana For My Boyfriend

by Ariana
(Location Undisclosed)

So I'm writing this for my boyfriend who is physically abused. My boyfriend lived with his biological parents when he was being abused from the time when he was 7 to 12. He's 13 now and was adopted by a 35 year old single mom. His biological mom whenever she was drunk of mad st or punch him. Once a week she grabbed him by his shoulders and threw him on the ground and kicked him before he even had a chance to get up. But then that became a regular thing. He plays basketball at our school and I'm a cheerleader for our school and we lost one game and my boyfriends mom came down to him after the game and tried to strangle him. She did throw him into the bleaches however, she tried to hurt him infront of his friends and even infront of his girlfriend. She broke 2 of his ribs and allowed him to suffer, he still has scratches on his neck and on his shoulders from her grabbing him with her nails his mom did whatever she could to hurt him. Even if it was telling him "you worthless, bast**d." Or "I don't know why I didn't just shoot you." But suprisingly, those are what hurt him the most. The words she said. All she ever said around him was cuss words. His first word he ever said even was "bi***" and I dont know how anyone could ever try to hurt him. He's so sweet. I love him more than anything in the world. I glad you like your new family, she seems so nice.

PLEASE READ:
I DID ASK MY BOYFRIEND IF I COULD POST THIS.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 05, 2012
Ariana:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that your boyfriend is now in a safe and loving home, and that he has such a loving and caring girlfriend in you. Keep being supportive. If he ever needs help dealing with what he's endured, point him toward one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order for him to talk to someone confidentially. You can call too, if you feel the need. Thank you for sharing your boyfriend's story with my visitors and me. I send you both love, light and healing energy, Ariana.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 05, 2012
Looks like your boyfriend must've had such a caring, compassionate girlfriend in you
by: Anonymous

Ariana, what your boyfriend's so-called parents did to him is pathetic and ungrateful...and thank goodness he survived! I'm glad that his adoptive mom is with you now because she is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that those beasts are incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that they committed against him.

Apr 06, 2012
Boundaries
by: Rita M

Hi Ariana,
I am happy to know that your boyfriend is in a
better place.However I can't express the importance of boundries enough.First of all his biological mom has no legal rights to her son what so ever!! Secondly the school board and the princaple and the police should all have a picture of the bio mother and not let her in the school or on the grounds.There is a peace bond or other laws you can serve this mother with. Even if she still destroys the paper it is still registered by law before she recieves the paper.You have a case here.I would be standing up strongly agianst this women.There were wittnesses on this inncident and this can help to have charges laid.Don't let her have this power.He needs to take it back and show her even if he has to bring the law in.Maybe try victims compensation.I am sorry you had to see this and that he had to experience this abuse.
I encourage you to act on this as soon as possible with pictures and wittnesses.I will encourage the young man to take therapy because
he needs to get the abuse out of his system and live in the proper order without fear and continually watching his back.Be strong.
God Bless
Rita M


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Child Abuse Story From Alycia

by Alycia
(New York, USA)

Lost and confused till this day: 
I was six when he started getting me dressed and changing my pajamas, but that was suppose to be normal, an uncle is suppose to love his niece not hurt her he came into my room at night and touched me untill i was 9 then he started kissing me in weird places and wanting me to do things, even when his friends came over he passed me off for money, and when i refused or fought back he hurt me more he beat me and did horrible things, and then one day it happen he raped me and it hurt so bad and i wanted it to stop but i couldnt scream i just couldnt people like him pretend to be intrested in u intrested in everything you have to say, and that one time u get comfortable u let your guard down for that one second And thats when they make there move but that first move leaves you confused with the is this right or is this wrong feeling the who do i tell and how feeling why me and is it gonna happen again.. He hurt dme untill i was 15 years old.. Im am now 17 living with my father.. And this silent help just isnt good enough no one knows this story i have never spoken of this story, till this day as he walks free if i so as speek of this .. He swears to take my life..




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 09, 2012
Alycia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Of course you're confused. You were betrayed in the worst way by someone who was their to help keep you safe. Pedophiles are cowards, Alycia. They threaten their young victims with everything and anything they believe will keep their victim quiet. Pedophiles get their victims to keep the secret because pedophiles know what they are doing is wrong. But as long as you keep the secret, you suffer. As long as you keep the secret, your own healing cannot begin. As long as you keep the secret, you're the one in prison; and you're not the one who deserves to BE in prison. It sounds as though you are now in a safe place. Now is the time to tell, Alycia. You did NOTHING wrong. You are NOT to blame. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Shame, blame and guilt belongs squarely on the shoulders of this pedophile. He took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. He had all the power, and he misused that power over you. Try to overcome your fear. If you really and truly don't believe you can tell your father, please consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Alycia. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Joey

by Joey
(Providence, Rhode Island, USA)

At the age of 3 growing up in Massachusetts with 4 brothers and 3 sisters living in a poverty stricken area, my father a construction worker at the local teamsters union and my mother an immigrant from Portugal, I endured what has been describe by my psychologist and the most horrific case of child abuse he has ever counseled, I will try to make this short and direct, in 1969 while only 5 years old I had been the victim of a hit and run auto accident that left me clinically dead upon arrival at the hospital,
I sustained right brain lobe damage, I was retrieved at the hospital but on the critical condition, in and out of a coma for months at bosons children's hospital, my parents were told that I was not going to make it, and all that we could do now is (pray)

Some how I was able to fight for my life and survived, my parents were told that I would eventually be blind in my right eye and deaf in my right ear as a result of the brain trauma,
And not function as a normal child,
From the first day I arrived home from the hospital with my head still fully rapped in bandages my father lean over to me as my brothers and sisters were greeting my back home and whispered in my ear, "Don't think because you have those bandages on your head your not still going to get your beatings" and that was exactly what I was thinking,

Well the physical wiping and violent beating went on for 10 more years till the age of 15 when I finally stood up to that beast I called my father, the beatings and verbal abuse was an everyday event, you see my father had singled me out from all my brothers and choose to torture me for the simple reason that I reminded him of his father who had beaten him his entire life,

My father would openly tell me in my mothers presents that he hated me and didn't care if anyone knew it, by the way my father was 6'5 270 lbs with hands like stone, and to a small child that is a monster,

I can tell you that my father never broke me, he never broke my spirit, he crushed my heart and destroyed what ever love I had for him as a child, my childhood would forever be lost in a time a time that I will forever hold In horror in my heart and soul,

the damage of that relentless psychopathic torture will never leave my mind and forever imprison my childhood, remind my heart of how I long for my childhood and my innocence,

I have a beautiful 4 year old son who reminds me everyday of the beauty of having a childhood, he is my only son and when he looks up at me and says I love you dad, all the pain all the torture of my childhood abuse for that moment is gone,

You can never fully understand the horrific damage to a child of child abuse unless you yourself have walked in that child's shoes

Hope this story may someday save one child from the horrifying inconceivable act of child abuse.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 01, 2012
Joey:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are a testament, the post boy, to the inner strength of a child. You not only survived a terrible accident, you survived even worse at the hands of the man who was responsible for keeping you safe from harm. Rather than learn from what was done to him as a child, he chose to become his father and brutally beat his own child(ren). He was a deeply disturbed, broken human being that chose to be a beast, a monster, instead of being a human being to his children. But that's not the choice YOU made, Joey. No. You chose to end the cycle of violence, to end the cycle of abuse with your own son. You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Apr 02, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Joey, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! He is a truly sadistic brute...and the path that he and your mom chose is inexcusable. Oh, and I don't think he really hates you; in fact, he HATED HIMSELF. I hope that you try counselling and that you look into reporting that sadistic beast of a father.

Apr 10, 2012
awesome
by: Anonymous

Having your own child is the most beautiful thing, I'm so happy you chose to break the cycle of abuse and give your son the child hood you never had. Much love and support to you!

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Child Abuse Story From Lorraine

by Lorraine
(Canada)

When I was about 8, my little sister and I were sleeping in the same bed. She was 4 years old. My mother had my 18 year old male cousin babysit us. My parents left for the night and when my cousin thought I was asleep, he crept in and began to molest me.
I was afraid to say anything to him as he was the babysitter for us but I was even more terrified he would touch my little sister who I loved and still love more than anything.
The next day I told my older female cousin with whom I used to play. She insisted I disclose it to my mother and I felt I was forced to. I did and she didn't say anything, I felt I had done something to cause it.
Many years later when she was in her 70's she recalled it and said I was not at fault. I wondered why it took her so long to tell me that?
I made sure, when I married and had children, that they would never have a sitter other than my sister or aunt who I trusted completely.
I can't stand watching anything on TV about abuse as I feel as if I am about to cry.
My mother was emotionally abusive to us and was horrid with my father. She continued that way until 20 years ago when I fianlly stood up to her. It is hard for a person to get over not feeling wanted or loved. But I knew my dad loved me and often said so though she tried to turn us against him.
Later in life, she confessed that she had had an 8 year affair with my first husband! I suspected it but now I was sure. My first husband died in '84.
That is my story....I know it's not as bad as some I've read but it was bad for me. Bless all who visit this site.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 11, 2012
Lorraine:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your statement about how bad it was going through what you endured as a child is the key here. When a child is abused, it isn't a competition about who had it worse. It's all about how the abuse affected YOU personally. And then it's all about what you can do to help your Self deal with the repercussions. Clearly, your mother was disturbed. She abandoned and betrayed at your most desperate hour, and then lived that abandonment and betrayal right up to the end. I strongly recommend you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the effects of the abused itself and of your mother's lack of action, among other issues. You didn't deserve to be abused. You didn't deserve to be ignored by the person who was responsible for ensuring your safety. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were abused and that our needs were neglected afterward. I send you love, light and healing energy, Lorraine. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 12, 2012
Encouragement
by: Rita M

Dear Lorraine,
I am sorry for what you endured as a child and through all the years past how you held it all in.
Your mother simply wasn't there for you.Experiencing abandoment is a very harsh thing to endure.It leaves you feeling empty and unwanted.I went through abuse myself and held it for a very long time.I just couldn't hold it in any longer and finally went for therapy.Therapy
helped me to bring it all out.Talking about it to a therapist was the best thing I ever did for myself.Holding it in was destroying me and I found
that the hurts started to dissapate because it had no special value.The memories are still there
but the hurt is gone.I am alot more mellow because
of the freedom I've found in myself.I have a more meaningful life now without fear.The best thing is accepting myself now and being able to feel calm.I just want to say that you mentioned that other people have gone through worse times than you.The thing here is that there is no comparing or measuring abuse.Abuse is a very hurtful thing
and it does damages on every level possible.The
beautiful thing is there is hope for everyone that has been hurt deeply.I took a part of my life
and put it on hold just to get all the garbage out
until I was officially completed with the therapy.
Now I can go on and have a peaceful life and I don't have to struggle so hard.I felt that I was listened to when I went for therapy.All my emotions came out.As far as I am concerened that
was the best thing I could do for myself.I will
still have problems just like everyone else but I
don't struggle so much anymore.Abuse has no value
or place internally so I've replaced it with other
things that are much more healthier mentally and physically.I would like to encourage you to go for therapy and be heard and experience the healing because you are worth it.I wish you the best always.God Bless

Rita M

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Child Abuse Story From Tara

by Tara
(Kent, United Kingdom)

I have been raped by my three uncles from the age 13 up until 18. They raped me individualy, one of them kept on doing it constantly. He groomed me and i feel so ashamed. I didnt know it was rape at first as i was young at that time. As years went by i had led two different lives, 1. my life that i wanted to be and 2. the life that i had been raped. I had treated my previous boyfriends horrible, i made them upset and i had never showed my feelings. I destroyed them.
I never knew all three knew about eachother raping me until recently. When i told my mum 2 years ago she didnt want to know even though she had seen her brother had his hands inside my trousers twice from the age of 15-16. Y has she turned her back on me? She had been raped herself so i thought she would be more understandable. My two sisters didnt believe me and blamed me for mums health. Mum kicked me out. Ive got my boyfriend as support. I had never thought this would happen to me. Sometimes i feel like when me and my boyfriend argue he blames the way i were with partners in my past but i keep thinking to myself that surely we have to move on from the past and not keep dragging it up right? otherwise i feel like its gonna tear us apart and thats the last thing i want.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 27, 2012
Tara:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What happened to you was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. The fact that your mother turned a blind eye, then betrayed and abandoned you when you told her all that you had endured is a testament to HER lack of healing from what she endured as a child. I know it doesn't seem to make sense that given what she suffered, she would respond in the deplorable way that she has. It's very twisted...there's so much that can be said about your mother's psyche, but no space here to do so. What's important here and now is to understand that you aren't flawed in any way and that you aren't to blame. Blame and shame lies squarely on the shoulders of your abusers. They chose to abuse you. They took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. You didn't deserve any of it. You didn't say how old you are, though I gather you are no longer a minor. I suggest you check out the donthideit website for information: copy & paste the following URL into your browser: http://www.donthideit.com Even though it's a place for children, there is loads of information that you might find helpful. I also strongly suggest you seek out some form of counselling or therapy, not just to deal with what you lived through as a child, but also to help you understand that you are worthy of dignity and respect and love. Don't settle for anything less. If you continue to bury what you're feeling and what you've been through, it will tear YOU apart. You're too important to let that happen. Treat your SELF better than anyone ever has. Get the help you need. It's the most loving thing you can do for your Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Tara.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 27, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Tara, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to those sick perverts for uncles ad brother and allow them to offend you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you instead of protecting you from those sickos! I am disgusted by her reaction to you turning to her for help; a mother who chooses such sick perverts over her own precious daughter is the mother who doesn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. You are not to blame for their disgusting behavior; they are to blame because they chose to offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and chose to misuse it over you. I really hope you're in a safe place now, that you try counselling and that you look into reporting those sickos (for offending you) as well as your so-called mom. Perverts don't change their ways until they're made to stop.

Apr 30, 2012
reply
by: Tara

Thank you Darlene for replying.
I am now 23 years old. I have good days and bad days but i have my boyfriend for fully supporting me and also his mum and dad. I keep asking myself why and how could she have done this to me.
I am in a safe place and i am happy.

Anonymous:
I dont know your name but thanks for also replying to me. I have had courage since then and my boyfriend helped me to tell mum of what happened to me. I told her in December 2010. Ever since then til this day i havent spoken to her and i intent not to neither.
I have also reported all three and i have to attend court. Its a long process but justice will be done.

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Child Abuse Story From Kayley

by Kayley
(California, USA)

Emotional Abuse and the effects on me now: 
Seven years ago my parents split up, and it's funny how after all my father said and did, I could still manage to miss him and love him. This is my story.

Every time I look in the mirror now, I see something ugly and disgusting staring back at me. Every time I look in the mirror I feel worthless, stupid and when something bad happens, I blame myself.

When I think back on my earliest memory, the first thing I remember is my father telling me I suck. I was three and it was my first time playing basketball. He told me my form was horrible and I would never make a shot like that. My father took sports very seriously.

Another memory that comes to mind is when I was four or five and I had had a horrible game in basketball. Normally after a game we got snacks but my dad told me I couldn't have any and that we were leaving. The whole car ride home he yelled at me. I don't even remember what he was yelling at me for, but I remember feeling like it was all my fault that we lost and that I should have done better.

The third memory that comes to mind is when I was in preschool and it was show and tell. My friend brought this really pretty barbie doll and all I had was some run down blanket. I remember when we went to wash our hands I took the barbie from her cubby. When I think back on that memory, I feel so guilty and bad for doing that. I also feel embarrassed beyond anything. That is one of the bad effects I am still trying to stop now.

These were just three times there were maybe hundred's of other memories just like these. But the effects they have on me now are holding me back. There are many effects that affect my daily life. For one, I have anorexia and that almost made me repeat 11th grade. I also self-harm, and got over substance abuse. I also have low self esteem, irritability, insomnia, trust issues, often I'm depressed or anxious, I steal things (not so much anymore but it was a big problem between the ages 3-9), I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, and I also lie which is still a big problem I have. Often I question my religion and my emotions are out of control. A lot of these were on the list of effects and I didn't even know (some of them I didn't know) they were effects.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 15, 2012
Kayley:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I understand that looking in the mirror can have such an impact on you; it was something that I dealt with myself many years ago. But you see, the messages you keep telling your Self, the messages, both direct and indirect, you got from your father as a child, are lies. They're all lies, lies that you have believed for way too long. Your father kept finding fault in you—fault that he made up—because he needed to find fault in your life so he didn't have to fix the faults in his own life. This is on HIM, not you. And now you've taken the torch from him. And don't apply mature adult values on what you did as a child. Consider how young you were, how impressionable, and you much you needed positive attention and encouragement. You were lashing out. Forgive the mistakes you made. Recognize why you made mistakes, as we all do. ALL of us have done things in our childhood, some in our adulthood, that we're not particularly proud of. As an adult now, make choices in your life that you CAN be proud of. I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you gain perspective and to help you deal with the effects of the abuse you endured as a child. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kayley. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 17, 2012
...
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Kayley and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comment from this particular commenter because her posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Louise

by Louise
(Tennessee, USA)

I'm nearly 30 years old now, but still nowhere near over my childhood. At the age of 9 my father died and my mum fell depressed real bad. She got into drugs and alcohol and began to get VERY abusive. She'd lock me in myroom if I turned the telly on or continuously push me over if I didn't eat the massive plates of dinner she served me. She began going out and leaving me for 2-3 days, I wouldn't really eat anything and go to school with dirty clothing from the day before. Then people started bullying me, saying I smelled and was a 'tramp' I didn't know but by this point I was depressed and had an eating disorder.

When I was 12 I was diagnosed with anorexia and weighed only 83 lbs!

18 years on I'm still left with scars from self harm and will NEVER forget my mother who was amazing until the sad loss of my father. R.I.P to my mother who overdosed around 10 years ago I will never forget my loveable parent. I see a councillor 2 times a week and still recovering for anorexia but making great progress.

I like to share my story to help others with any of the above issues just to say that it does get better! : )




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 25, 2012
Louise:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, your mother never got passed the death of her husband. You paid the price for her grief. She neglected you and left you to your own devices at a time when you needed her most. I'm glad you're in counselling. A counsellor can help you deal with the effects of what you endured. When I was in therapy I learned that the decisions I'd made for my Self in life as a result of what I endured ultimately led me to take the torch from my mother. I learned that I was abusing my Self in much the same way my mother had abused me. Self destructive behaviour tells us that we believe the lies and messages we got as children: that we were not good enough or worthy. When I realized I was doing what my mother did to my Self, that's when everything changed. I began to treat my Self in a way that was loving, a way that I didn't get from my mother. I learned that I had to give my Self all that I needed, and that I could give my Self all that I needed. You too can get to this point in your life. I send you love, light and healing energy, Louise. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Franny

by Franny
(Location Undisclosed)

I read some of the stories and they are really horrific making me feel that my "problem" was petty. And before you read this I just want to say how strong some of the other kids are for having to put up with in-justice.

Anybody who first sees our family probably thinks we're perfect. My father is the man of the house who works to provide us with all the products we need. My mother is a stay home mom taking care of my younger sister. I'm 13 and everyone sees me as the pretty smart girl, my brother is known for his athletic talents and my sister is cute and musically talented. The word "perfection" crosses lots of peoples minds. But ironically enough its perfection that brings us down.

I can't really remember when it started to happen I believe my whole life. My mother hits me (usually slapping) most of the time to the ground and then kicks me, she also throws things at me, pulls my hair and pinches me. That usually happens when I did something to displease her like not tidy up well enough or I didn't get the best grade or a good grade. The other thing she does is scream at me and call me things like "wh**e" or "dirty" telling me things like I'll get a boyfriend who will hit me and abuse me or tell me that I ruined her life and that she hopes a kid would start to bully me. She even sometimes threatens to kick me out of the house if I keep screwing up. I have two younger siblings who she also screams at but not as much as me. She also gives me a cold stare if I don't say hi to someone we know or say thank you or your welcome or thanks for having me or doing bad in a tennis or swimming competition. Right now I lost my bike because I forgot to lock it and my mother is ignoring me only saying something to snap at me or giving me the cold shoulder.

I think it's brave that some of the people got out of their situations but I don't think I can because my father works a lot at his lab and he comes home very late and tired and we just moved to a foreign country with a foreign language so all my friends are back in the states so I'm pretty much alone.

-Franny




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 03, 2012
Franny:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Try not to compare what has happened to others and what is happening in your own life. This is about what you're experiencing and how it affects you. Understand that your mother is deeply troubled, and your father is detached. When he works long hours and comes home very late, he's completely unengaged with what's going on within his own home, all while convincing everyone, including you, that he's a good provider. You can't change your mother or your father. You can only change how you respond to what's happening around you. Recognize that none of what's happening is your fault. That it isn't at all about you; it's all about how your mother is venting her problems out on you. You don't control her emotions and her actions; you can only deal with your own. I don't know where you're located, so I can't offer a specific place to call, except to say that if you live in a place that is on my hotlines list on my stories page, then call to talk to someone confidentially. Consider talking to a trusted teacher or counsellor at school about what you're experiencing and feeling. You don't deserve to be abused. You deserve help for the fact that you are being abused. Always remember that the abuse is not your fault and that you're a very good, loving and compassionate person. Keep telling your Self that because that's the truth. I send you love, light and healing energy, Franny. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 03, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Franny, all those nasty names that your mother called you are lies. It's not your fault that she chose to hurt you; you are important; you are beautiful; you are lovable. You didn't cause her to abuse you; she CHOSE to abuse you; she's only "blaming" you for her own behavior. You are not to blame for her behavior. She's got all the power and chose to misuse it over you; sadly, she never got any help that she still needs because no one is helping her, but you can still help yourself (it's up to her to want help), so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jun 04, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Franny, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

Jun 04, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Franny, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted another comment from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

Jun 05, 2012
Franny,
by: AnonymousT

What's happening to you isn't small or petty. It's abuse. She's verbally & emotionally abusing you. She's physically abusing you. She's hurting your heart & your body. It's wrong & you do NOT deserve this.

Please tell someone. You show courage by coming online to look for help, to find this site, to tell your story. You have it in you to take it a step further.

Tell. If they don't believe you. Tell someone else. Tell until you are believed. Call the hotlines Darlene offers.
Tell.

You are a smart, brave, courageous person. You will do great things. You do not deserve to be abused.

T

Sep 28, 2012
You will get on with your life.
by: Princess Andie

Franny I know you must feel alone in a different country & sad. My desperation at one point was that no one would help me, and I wondered,'What will I do?'

You will move on one day. You may find that you're a very strong person as I. I feel your pain as it's hard to accept this from your own family. One of the reasons I live in CA, is that I love the vastness of all people. And I'll be honest with you, my friends have been better to me than most of my family. So I find peace in work, meeting different people. When I was like you I fantasized what my life would be like. I day-dreamed a lot. Because I knew I wasn't deserving of my Aunt's cruelty. I enjoy writing and am sure that my past escape was to dream. So it did help me, even though it was real hard.

If you can get a good book about what you're going through- it may help. Just remember all we really need is faith. I moved away at (24) just me in this big ole city of LA. And I survived & I love it. And Franny I have no family here. Just my Husband & a few friends.

And I know you will move on someday & create a beautiful life for yourself.

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Child Abuse Story From Staying Strong Britt

by Britt
(Texas, USA)

It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school (two years ago) that I started remembering things that happened to me in the past during my childhood. I have always remembered the touching and other little abuse, but never the more horrifying abuse. It's really scary to have to go through them again and again. I'm remembering new ones every week. I absolutely hate it. It's so hard to accept these things that have happened to me. 

My story starts at the age of 4, I believe. I was at the beach for Thanksgiving with my dad, grandparents, and more family. It wasn't until recently I remembered everything for this particular event. I always knew something happened, just not who it was, what all happened, and other small things like that. It only lasted a short time, but it was awful. My great uncle was the abuser. No one really likes him because he is a little creepy. He came into the room I was in and closed and locked the door. Then, he came over and started touching and kissing me. I told him to stop and leave me alone, but he wouldn't. He took my shorts and underwear off and then got on top of me. The words he said to me always haunt me..."this will only take a few minutes". And then he raped me. I never told anyone except my grandfather...who was also abusing me, but I didn't know he was. He told me only he was allowed to touch me...no one else. You see, ever since I can remember, my grandfather was touching me and having me touch him and give him oral. But the thing is (and I absolutely hate this), I was willing. It wasn't that I wanted to or got excited about it, it was more of me wanting to see him happy. Every time he was upset, he'd either come to me or I'd ask him...I didn't understand what I was doing. But when he was happy, I was happy. So when I told him, he didn't do anything...he only told me that he loved me, that everything was going to be okay, and that he promised he would never do that to...but little did I know, he would never keep that promise. 

At the age of 5, or early 6, my grandfather raped me for the first time. I told him no...but he did anyways. It was literally a push in, stay there, and then pulled out and stopped, but it still affected me. This changed everything for me. I never looked at him the same. I never wanted to be with him, but I was forced to. I was scared of him and hurt by his action. He broke his promise to me...that hurt more than the pain.

I was still the same age when he actually raped me. He waited a few weeks to do it again. And when he did, my love for him started to fade. He continued to rape me here and there, but it was mainly touching and oral. Him raping me did become more frequent, though. Despite how hurt I was, I still didn't understand that it was wrong, just that it was painful. So I never told anyone. 

At the age of 6, my mom took my older sister, who is 10 years older than me, to her friends house. They were gone for an awfully long time, though. My mother was a drug addict, so I assume she was out doing drugs with someone. She ended up leaving my younger brother, who is 3-1/2 years younger than me, with a guy we never met before. It started with my brother and I fighting over legos. He got angry when we were yelling. So he put us in time out. He said if we were good, we could watch tv. I ended up being able to sit on the couch first, and in the process of me getting on the couch to watch tv, I stuck my tongue out at my brother to say, "Haha. You're still in trouble". But he saw me and told me to go to my sister's room. I was scared. He told my brother to get on the couch, watch tv, and don't move, then turned the tv up really loud. He came into the room, closed the door and forced me on the bed. He ended up brutally raping me...all because I stuck my tongue out at my brother. Again, I never told anyone, despite the limping and the pain I was in for days, the blood spotted panties, and the stinging of the pee when I used the restroom and of the bath water and soap. Of course, we never saw him again...

At the age of 8, my siblings and I were living with my mother in an apartment. My sister's friend was always there. I grew quite close to him. I looked up to him, I loved him, and I trusted him. He made me smile, laugh, feel safe, protected me from my mother's harm (she use to beat my brother and my siblings, of course I got the worse of it...I sacrificed myself for my brother), and he loved me. It all started a long time after we met. He began to touch me, and that's when I knew things might get bad. But the touching was gentle, and he made me feel like I was doing something right. He too, just like my grandfather, made me feel happy about making him happy. That's all he made me do...I still never thought of it as being wrong. So my trust never went away...until he actually went too far and raped me. It was in my mother's room. I was only watching tv when he came in. Of course, I wasn't expecting anything bad to happen. Just touching. And when I made him happy, that's when he decided to rape me. I screamed and fought back, but he was too strong...I ended up giving up and letting him hurt me because of how exhausted I was from fighting back (I literally used all my strength for over half the time he hurt me). When he was done, I couldn't move. My trust was gone. 

He continued hurting me, making it a daily basis. You see, he was also my babysitter. He had so much time to spend with me. So when he raped me, no one was home except my brother...so no one was there to save me. He became very mean. He stopped protecting me and I never smiled or laughed when he was around. He was the worst out of everyone who hurt me. He began to bind my hands together or tie me to the bed, he suffocated me, he beat me, he brutally raped me, both vaginally and anally. But each time he finished, he'd say, "I love you, (my name). Remember that." Those words will never leave me. Even though he did these things, I still loved him because of that...I actually thought he loved me. He was like a father to me. I looked up to him. I didn't know what else to do. I never told anyone he was hurting me...

At the age of 9, he died...suicide. I felt free, but I also felt lonely. I was happy he wasn't there to hurt me, but extremely sad because he wasn't there at all. I missed him, despite all the pain he made me go through. He was the only person who gave me attention...it was bad attention, but it was attention. I still loved him...and I starting wishing he was still alive, even if he was going to continue to hurt me.

After his death, we moved into my grandmother's house. I thought nothing else bad was going to happen. I began to be happy again. It was when my mother starting dating this guy that things started all over again. He raped me for the first time in the pool. He too was a babysitter. So he had a lot of free time on his hands. He was rough and it lasted for months. And the very last time he raped me, it was brutal...I can never forget everything he told me. Again...I never told anyone...

To this day, my father has custody over my brother and I. We've been living with him and my stepmother for seven years now. My trust for anyone is hard to give. I so feel ashamed, embarrassed and guilty for the things that happened to me. I fight these demons everyday. It is hard to do, but I do it. Many times I've contemplated leaving this earth, but I always have my two good friends there for me. They know everything. They love me for who I am. And I love them so much. I'm so very grateful for that. 

It is hard for me to understand why everything happened to me...I wish I knew the answer to that. I feel dirty every time I think about everything. I feel like I could have done something, that I almost deserved it because I never told anyone. I don't know...it's hard. But I'm trying. I don't want to give up. I want to be truly happy. One of the hardest things to get over is that my female doctor told me I have so much scar tissue from so many incidents...and because of that, I will probably never have kids of my own...that upsets me the most. 

Thank you for allowing me to share my story. It really helps to get things like this off my chest.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Staying Strong Britt

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Apr 29, 2012
Britt:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are NOT to blame for what happened to you at the hands of all the abusers in your life. THEY are to blame. THEY hold all the shame and guilt. THEY were the adults. THEY were the one's with all the power, and they misused that power. You were "groomed" by your grandfather at an extremely young age, and then "groomed" again with the circumstances your mother continued to put you in. Of course you wouldn't tell anyone. Of course you would try to make these offenders happy. That's what little children do. Your grandfather and others took advantage of that. And now you're blaming your Self for something you had absolutely no responsibility for. You are putting mature more adult values on what you did and didn't do as a little girl. None of what happened was your fault. You most certainly did NOT deserve to be sexually abuse, and you most definitely did NOT deserve to be abandoned by your mother. Period. End of story. You didn't tell because of fear and because of your needs, needs that weren't being met in other areas of your life, needs that every child has. That put you at very high risk to the sick and twisted perverts your mother kept exposing you to. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what you're remembering. Understand that you're remembering what you didn't remember before because your mind now realizes you are capable of dealing with it, difficult as that may be to believe right now. You are so much stronger than you give your Self credit for, Britt. With that amazing strength and help you CAN get through this and continue to move forward in your life. You're worth that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Jason

by Jason
(Illinois, USA)

I was always nervous or afraid. I was afraid that I would be accused of doing something. Teachers liked to embarrass me and get me in trouble with my mom. All the people at school hated me. Even people that said they were my friends hated me. I was scared to get up to get a tissue to blow my nose. I hate the counselor at school. She made me feel like I did something wrong. The time I spent with her didn't do anything. Why did the school make me see her? No one ever asked me if I was happy or if I was sad. It made me hate myself for having problems. My grandmother yelled at me all the time. She had a guy rent a room and he yelled at me too. They hated me so much. She used to yell at my sister until she cried. They knew my stepfather was sexually abusing us and it made them hate us more. They laughed at us and I know everyone at school knew. I don't know why me and my sister and my mom were treated so badly by our family. Everyone loved to hurt me. No one that was my age wanted to be my friend. I just want to know what the reason is that I exist. I always felt bad. I can't remember huge periods of time but thats because I spent all of my life alone or in pain.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jason

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Jun 28, 2012
Jason:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Oh Jason, I know that when we're in pain it can seem as though the entire world hates us. Our perception of what's happening in our lives can be so skewed. We can see the negative in absolutely everything and everyone. There was a time in my life when I believed the same as you do now. I've now learned that how we see the world contributes greatly to how we continue to see the world. You need help dealing with what you're dealing with. I suspect the reason you've been sent to see the school counsellor is because the adults at school see that you're always afraid. Speaking as an adult myself, I can tell you that I can easily spot a person, young or old, that is afraid. These people are likely trying to help you, but that is almost impossible to see when you believe otherwise. You're a beautiful person, Jason. You really are. Find what you're passionate about. Make a list of all the things you love to do, and then focus on how you can make those loves a part of your reality. Start by loving your Self. Treat your Self with the dignity and respect that you deserve, even if others don't. You can't change what others think or do, you can only change how your respond. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the sexual abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help You're worth this kind of help. Don't ever forget that. I send you love, light and healing energy, Jason. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 28, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Jason, you didn't cause them to abuse you; they CHOSE to abuse you. I hope that you're in a safe place now; if not, please call the cops ASAP. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse.

Jun 29, 2012
NOT TO BLAME
by: Anonymous

Jason every child who gets punished or abused feels guilty. We feel like it is us who have done wrong and we deserved this. No body listens when we cry out because we are children. There are people out there who take the time to notice what we cannot say. One such person found me,. believe me when i say i would not of told the world what was happening to me. To me or my brother, fear and love played out, i loved my brother but that is an excuse. i was a child and quite simply i was afraid. I was so scared i wet myself walking home from school because i knew what to expect but i still walked home.
No child is ever to blame, the people we trust (not saying parents because they dont deserve that title) betray us.
When we rebel or finally realise we are young adults and we know guilt and the innocence we once had is lost because we feel we let it happen.
This is not our fault, not then and not ever.
People noticed and helped me, there are people out there who care please contact them.

Jun 30, 2012
Jason,
by: AnonymousT

I guess sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes we just have to do what we can to get through it and then when we're grown we do what we can to fix it. It doesn't sound fair, but sometimes that's just the way life goes.

I'm sorry you were abused. A child never deserves that. I'm sorry you hurt.

Please know nothing that happened to you was your fault. Please know you deserve love and friendships. Please know you are worthy.
When we're hurt in our childhood it can be hard to believe those things, but it is. You were not at fault, you deserve love and you are worthy.

Please look into finding a therapist for your types of abuse, if you find the right therapist (sometimes you have to try hard to find a fit) it really can work. The COurage to Heal is a good book.

You are a survivor. You are not your past. Today is your future.

Lots of wishes for luck & healing to you,
T

Jun 30, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Jason, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 4 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

Feb 04, 2013
So little love shown; Seriously, get out of that house!
by: Anonymous

Jason, my heart goes out to you. All those years of trying to please your family (as well as your so-called friends and teachers) and not experiencing love; all those years of also trying to protect your sister and even your mom out of love and still not receiving love. Please try to get out of that house as soon as you can; you've suffered enough. Your abusers are mentally ill, violent "people"; they probably won't change until someone makes them stop. As soon as you get away from them, your healing can start in earnest.

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Child Abuse Story From Devonte

by Devonte
(USA)

For as long as I remember i had the best dad ever. I was the only child, he would take me to Laker and Charger games on a regular basis. He did stuff like wake me up at midnight on the weekend and take me out to 7/11 for slurpee's and candy and we would eat/ drink in the car. He was like a big kid, on my 6th birthday I loved my jumpcastle so much he paid for me to have it, he even blew it up in the house once. We had it for four years and we weren't rich by any standards. He owned a garage company and my mom was a correctional officer. But he still did everything for me. He told me he loved me every day. He trained me in basketball for all night if I wanted to. One of my earliest memories is being about 4 and he was in the barber shop making a fool out of himself so I would stop crying from my first haircut. We were inseparable, we used to take long bike rides, he even had me in the LA marathon when i was just 8. He taught me everything. He coached my basketball team, taught me what to do when i liked a girl, helped me understand my times tables. Even teaching me them up to 15 instead if 12 so i could have an edge. I couldn't have asked for a better dad.

But there was a downside to him. For as long as i remember everynight my mom pulled a double (which was a lot) my dad would sexually molest me. Normally oral on my feet, anus, nipples and penis. It was normal for me, we called it "secret agents." When i was around 8 I asked right in front of my mom if we could play tonight (as a kid I liked playing, it was all I knew.) I remember my mom seemed curious but didn't suspect anything. That didn't stop my dad from telling me if i ever told anyone he would go to jail, and i would never be able to see him again. This terrified me as i loved him so much and felt like i would die without him. I never told other than professionals and my Mom until today.

I started puberty at around 12, my dad would tell me I'm getting older and should focus on girls now. I had grown out if it anyways and was smart enough to know I was being molested. I talked to my dad about it but he would just say its just part of the way he loves me. He convinced me that it was no worse than a mom putting her daughter in beauty pageants. He told me in some ancient and present culturals it wouldn't be taboo at all. And now even as an 18 year old college student I can't shake those beliefs. I hardly feel abused, I just feel like everyone is trying to make me feel abused. I do resent my dad though.

Around when i was 13 my dad was arrested. He was part of a child porn ring online. They found floppys in our garage with tons if stuff. My life as i knew it was over. I confided in my Mom after she broke down in tears asking me if i was ever touched. I trusted her but she told. I denied, denied, denied. Last time ive seen my dad he told me its not my fault and he's sorry. I don't think he meant sorry about the molestation, I think he was sorry for getting caught with illegal porn and not being able to be there for me anymore.

I hated him for that. I hated my life without him. I hated seeing the psych. I quit basketball. My grades dropped. I started stealing cell-phones, and cd players just for fun. I got 2 girls pregnante 2 times and convinced them to abort both times. As a kid i was in GATE, I was ranked nationally in said basketball. I always dreamed of being a Bruin (UCLA) and it was a realistic goal. Now I'm in JR college, I'm barely getting back in basketball shape I feel like my dad ruined my life. Legally I can see him now. I've talked to him now but I've only spoken to him a few times. He always brings up "the good ol days" which just makes me sad. He did convince me to start playing ball again and to get in to a junior college. But I feel like he molded me like clay to think and act like him. I wonder if i would do the same to my son if i ever have one. I have a male cousin but am repulsed to even think of him as a sexual being. But will it be different with my son?

I'm just down today I guess, normally I'm fine. I just resent everyone. Cps, my mom, the FBI, my dad, myself. I know if my dad stayed in my life I would be much more accomplished. Yet what he did was supposedly so horrible. I'm really confused till this day.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Devonte

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May 04, 2012
Devonte:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Of course you're confused. Your father took the most vulnerable years of your life and made you believe he loved you by the way he was being a big kid with you. He "gave" you everything you could possibly want as a child as a way to completely control you for his sexual gratification. You're right when you say your father "molded you like clay", but it wasn't to act and be like him; it was to ensure he would have complete control and power over you. It's called "grooming". And because of all the wonderful things he did with you, he convinced you he loved you. And of course you would believe that. And now you are confused about your feelings for him and what he did to you, and the fact that he's no longer around to keep doing the great things the two of you used to do. You're conflicted between knowing that him sexually abusing you was wrong and not being around now because of his criminal actions of being caught with illegal porn (likely child pornography). Your father is a sick sex offender, Devonte. And he used you for his perversions, and told you how much he loved you and the two of you were like to kids together. That's not what being a real father is. He betrayed you on so many levels. Now you're left with the confusion and anger and intense emotions all of it keeps bringing up. I do hope you're still in counselling or therapy in order to help you gain perspective. And just for the record, just because you were sexually abused doesn't mean you'll sexually abuse your son. To sexually abuse IS a choice, a choice your father said yes to, a choice you get to say no to. I send you love, light and healing energy, Devonte. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 05, 2012
Devonte,
by: AnonymousT

He's your dad and you love him & that's ok. We can love a parent and hate what they did.

Here's the thing - when we're touched in a sexual way at a young age our boundaries become unclear. We depend on our parents to help us understand but if they lead us the wrong way on purpose...well, that leads to confusion.

You're only 18. I strongly suggest you talk to a counselor (junior college therapist might have a recommendation), by coming to terms with how you feel and understanding those feelings you can then work through the tougher stuff. If you UNDERSTAND how you feel....you can make better choices in the future. Women, future children, careers, etc. Therapy helps us work though the stuff that confuses us.

As for your dad, he skewed the boundaries. Now it's up to you (because you're an adult in charge of your own destiny) to create new ones that help you feel safe.

Good luck to you.
T

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Child Abuse Story From Katie For My Brother Damion

by Katie
(Minnesota, USA)


This really isn't my story. but i was a witness of the abuse my little brother endured. I can't say any actual names, so lets just call him Damion. At the age of 3 he was diagnosed with Autism Spectron disorder. So his mind doesnt work the way ours does. He got into a lot of trouble as a young boy. But he didnt know any better. His mother (lets call her Jenny) started hitting him whenever he did anything bad. Damion was never really toilet trained either. So that was a big part of it. every time he had an accident, he'd get hit. Over time he got older, and the hitting turned into beating. Belts, chains, anything that could hurt, he was tortured with. by the time he was 8, Jenny would lock him in the basement for hours to days at a time. not feeding him more than once a day. no bathroom. so he would have multiple accidents each day. couldnt change his clothes much either. All of that caused Damion to have a major bladder infection and UTI. He had been in the hospital so many times for those.
eventualy, dad started hurting him. beating him relentously. A few times i had become part of my brothers torture. i was told to help my father pin Damion down and hurt him. Thinking back, i feel so bad for my baby brother...he was only 4 months younger than me. I have thought how i could ever make it up to him. Only knowing i need to love him and never hurt him again.
By the time Damion was in 7th grade, things got even worse. The sexual abuse began. His mother started locking him in the basement for other reasons. A matress was brought down. Randomly on days or nights she would bring him down there, doing countless sexual things to him, and forcing him to do things to her. She started touching him in wrong ways wherever they were. Beating him if he refused. And he never understood any of it. Why it was happening. Or what he should do. He only knew that he didnt like it and that it hurt. Bad.
Even our father would hurt him. Physically, sexually, and emotionally. Calling him names. saying things that really dug deep into Damions mind.
Honestly i could not even tell you all the things that had happened to him day after day. Theres just too much that my little brother has been through. But he is a survivor. And i love him so much. I admire him for the fact that even through all that torture, he could wake up every single morening and go to school. Smile at everybody. and not a single word was said about any of this. Nobody suspected a thing. Not, Damion is in 10th grade, living with our 18 year old brother and me. He is a happy boy. Doing so much better than before. Even though he has some major set backs. he is a special ed student but works very well with hands on things.
though, he still has many hospital trips because he has premature lungs, and cannot breath too well at times. he uses an inhaler. Because of all the major abuse, he has the personality of both a 2 year old, and 16 year old. He still has many nightmares, reliving that horrendous abuse inside his mind.
But i must give credit to the people who have helped him the most. people who have shown him love. and the proper way to be treated. not abused and tortured.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Katie For My Brother Damion

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May 06, 2012
Katie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that Damion is now in a safe place. I do hope his abusers have been brought to justice. And don't think for one second that you weren't also abused. The fact that you witnessed your brother's abuse means you were terrorized. Add to that the fact that you were made to be a part of the abuse by holding him down means you suffered from various forms of emotional abuse that can have life long effects. It's wonderful that your brother has people in his life making a difference. You're among those wonderful people, Katie. You ARE a compassionate and loving sister. Always remember that. I do hope you're in some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what you witnessed and endured. You deserve that kind of help. Thank you for sharing yours and your brother's story with my visitors and me. I send you both love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 06, 2012
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Katie, your parents are deeply troubled and sadistic; they are helpless bullies who chose to use your brother's autism for their sadistic gratification instead of simply helping themselves/changing their dysfunctional ways of life; that isn't discipline; that's just torture. Beating him, torturing him, starving him, locking him up in the basement without any food, water and bathroom breaks combined; calling him every single name in the book and even offending him are just enough to throw those horrific, poor excuses of human beings to jail for a long time. Your brother's life shouldn't have been used as a pawn (and neither should yours) for their misery. You guys are not to blame for their sadistic, behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the children; they were the adults; they had all the power and chose to misuse it over you guys. Oh, and I'm glad that your other brother is with you guys now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you guys try counselling and that your sadistic beasts for parents are really incarcerated for all those sadistic, terrible crimes that they committed against you guys because you guys did nothing wrong; children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse.

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Child Abuse Story From Someone Who Doesn't Want To Be Found

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My mother and father had eight children. I was the second oldest, but my older brother ran away at age six and never came back. I don't know if he's alive or not.

My father used to be a normal person, according to my mom, but he started drinking when he lost his first job due to making some error in a report. That's understandable, I guess, although I would never admit that to him.

My mom ran away when I was ten. I had to take care of six children, three boys and three girls. My father...he went to work sometimes, but mostly spent his days in clubs and bars, only to come home at three in the morning, in a drunken haze.

I resorted to stealing food from the store, doing others' homework for money and trying to survive for one year.

My siblings were pairs of twins. Two were eight, two were five and two were newborns. I had to buy diapers and feed them, try to keep the babies alive while attempting to give my siblings a true childhood.

I dropped out of school at the age of eleven and instead of doing homework for money, I stole and sold things in the playground, sneaking into school premises. I forged notes saying that I was home schooled. I borrowed books from the library and read about things, just so I could pass the tests and keep up my "home-schooling" charade.

My father, you could say, was a match for me. I hope I seem kind and mature in this story, but truthfully, I'm not. He beat me when I was a smart-a**, but I fought back. I punched and kicked and never let him win.

When he beat my siblings, I learned to not beg for him to stop, but pull him off them and throw him against the wall. When he assaulted my sisters, I would grab them and lock them in their rooms so they'd be safe, turn and punch him in the face. He rarely took me on, after I turned 13, but I still have those scary memories.

I wasn't malnourished and neither were my siblings, because of how determined I was to keep them alive, no matter if I had to beg or borrow or steal.

There were slip-ups, when I wasn't at home or when he seemed unstoppable. Those were the scariest moments of all.

I was a rude and mean person, some one who cared only about her family and no one else. I wasn't skilled at talking to people at all.

Then HE came. A boy my age moved on to my street. I met him when I was picking up the mail. At first, I hated him. I was suspicious and paranoid, thinking that he would hurt my family. However, one of my sister's became fast friends with him and soon, my entire family loved him like a brother, except for me. The once-newborns, now five, adored him.

I warmed up to him slowly over the course of one year, and by the time I hit my sixteenth birthday, we were in love. He cared about me and still does, to this day. We invited him over for the first time in over a year and when he realized what was going on with my parents, his family reported us to the police. My father was taken away and my ENTIRE family of seven was taken in by a wonderful couple nearby.

My life was behind me and now I am 17. A---, the boy who saved us, is standing behind me as I type this in his room and he's smiling at what I'm writing. I'll never be a child. I'll probably always be an angry person, someone who's over protective and paranoid. I'll never feel comfortable around grown men. I'll never feel okay about having sex, which I haven't and don't plan on ever doing. A--- respects my space which is something other child abuse survivors deserve: respect. Finally, I have hope. And I hope you all do to.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Someone Who Doesn't Want To Be Found

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May 30, 2012
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you and your siblings are now in a safe and loving place. At such a young age, you took the place of a deeply troubled mother who clearly could not handle motherhood, and then abandoned all of you as a result. I can only hope that the violence and scheming your father your circumstances taught you are lessons that you can unlearn so that your life moving forward is a highly productive one. I send you and your siblings love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 30, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To Name Undisclosed, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted this comment from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

May 31, 2012
To Someone,
by: AnonymousT

I find great survival skill, strength & bravery in you. As a child and now as an adolescent. You deserve high praise and I'm really proud of you.

I want you to know that sometimes our past catches up to us, in the subconscious sense. Maybe we get triggered by certain things or maybe we don't have the chance to try or welcome things in our life due to our trauma's.
I encourage you to keep an open mind to counseling. I read a great book that helped me called "The Courage to Heal". I recommend it when I can.
When we start the path to healing (whether we're 17, 27, 37 or more!) we open our opportunities. No longer are we bound in the fight or flight we've reserved for almost every situation, suddenly we have new ways to cope with what life throws at us.

You are brave. You are strong. You can do anything you set your heart & mind to do.

T

Jun 06, 2012
wow
by: Anonymous

Wow. Your story is amazing.thank the lord you and your siblings made it.what a brave boy to step in and say the words that needed to be said.truly a miricle.I hope the best for you, your boy, and siblings. Good luck on your life long adventure.

Jun 23, 2012
So strong
by: Anonymous

Such a strong, brave person. I hope you and your siblings can move on and enjoy a brilliant long life.

Jun 26, 2012
Good Samaritans
by: Heather

Your story reminded me of how important it is to step in and be there for others. It is so easy to get caught up with the trivial matters of life and neglect the suffering individuals down the street, next door, or even standing right beside you. Be strong, my friend, and don't be afraid to love. I struggled so much, because hate and resentment seemed easier. "Charity(Love) beareth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." <3 Love is one of the dearest things God has given us. I hope that you can experience it.

Nov 09, 2012
You are a GREAT Sister!
by: Anonymous

I am so impressed by you. You took care of your sibblings and I cannot compliment you enough. I wish I had you as a sibbling. I am crying ready your message. You touched my heart! Please continue being a support to your sibblings. I wish I knew someone like you. Stay strong. But be nice too. It may be hard because of all the things you had to endure in life. Your life has toughened you. But just do the right things. I look up to you for what you did for your brothers and sisters. I have 3 kids of my own. I want them to love each other the way you love your brothers and sisters. God bless you always!

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Child Abuse Story From Jujuforever For My Mom

by Jujuforever
(Location Undisclosed)

this isnt really my story, its my moms. she was neglected as a kid. she always talks about how her mother couldnt feed her because her husband spent the money on beer and suits and drugs. they didnt have anything. when grampa died, gramma got married to another man who had 2 sons who were slightly younger then my mom. this grampa was better. mom says hes the one she thinks of as "dad". but his sons would be her up and take all of her stuff and be really mean. im not sure if this counts as child abuse though. my mom was also raped as a child by someone (she wont talk about it) and abused by a pastor only a few years ago. he beat her up.(I KNOW CAUSE I SAW THIS!!!!) she has deppression a lot. I DONT KNOW HOW I SHOULD HELP HER!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jujuforever For My Mom

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Jun 30, 2012
To Jujuforever:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're a wonderfully caring, compassionate and loving daughter. Your mother is blessed to have you in her live. What your mother endured as a child may or may not have been child abuse, depending on the circumstances. But what's important for you to understand is that you cannot help your mother in the way that you want to. Your mother has to be the one who wants the help, and then seek it out. The only thing you can do is be a support system for her. You didn't say how old you are, but I gather you're still a minor. Children and youth are not responsible for their parents. I know you want to help her because you love her, but we can't help people who aren't ready to be helped. Your job is to grow and learn and develop the amazing potential you have. Your job is not to take care of your mother, difficult as that may be for you to grasp right now. You can be a support for her when she is ready, in ways that make it easier for her to get the help she needs: for example, if you have younger siblings that need taking care of, you could volunteer to take care of them while she's at an appointment, or to help around the house so that it frees up some of the time she needs for her own healing. You need help too. You need someone you can talk to and share about what's troubling you about your mother. Consider talking to a trusted teacher or counsellor at school. Or consider contacting one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. I send you and your mother love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 30, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To Jujuforever, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From Mena

by Mena
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm not sure where to begin from. I ended up here a few months back after a random search on the internet. It caught my attention because I intent to study psychology next year at the university.

After reading a few stories I remember an incident that happened years ago and I realised that I too have been abused, although I never had thought of it that way up until now. I know that my story is not as bad as other stories but it's been bothering me for a while now, especially before I fall asleep.

My mother worked as a private secretary in an office of an old building. In the office next to her worked a man around his forties who repaired clocks. He was always super nice with me and entertained me by showing me the tiny mechanisms in his office. My mother worked there for many years (since I was around 4) and I never had a problem with him. In fact I quite liked him.

But then one day (I was older maybe 11) while I was walking around outside the offices he came suddenly from behind, grab my hand, pulled it and made me touch him. I was shocked but he almost immediately let me go. I distanced my self a little and I considered going back to my mother's office but I didn't because she was talking with her boss who happened to be there and she had told me not to bother her. So I just walked around without looking at the man who assaulted me. After a while he did the same thing only this time he wouldn't let me go. I pulled my hand hard but he was stronger and my wrist hurt. Fortunately, another lady who I think had something to do with jewelry walked out to the hall , probably to go to the toilet, so I was finally released. After that I went back to my mother's office and sat next to the fridge. I remember I wanted to cry but I didn't.

From that day on I was very careful. I stopped going to his office and never went too far away from my mother. If I ever met him outside the offices in the corridor I always glared at him and stayed away. However there were several other times when he manage to grab me. He always did the same thing: put my hand on his crotch. He never tried anything more. There was one time when he offered to take me to the kiosk nearby to buy me an ice-cream. Mother agreed but I said I didn't want to. I felt proud because I thought I was able to protect myself better than mother could protect me.

A year later the office in which mother worked for closed so she went elsewhere and I didn't have to deal with him. I still see him in the street but I don't greet him.

Now that I think back, I believe this is the reason why I'm the way I am now. I don't trust people, those around me say that I have an intimidating barrier around me and they feel they cannot approach at all. Also I hate to be touched even by people I'm close to. I just feel I need my personal space.

I have never said anything to anybody and I never intent to. It's not like I'm suffering and I do not want to worry them for no reason. I said a lot more that what I intended to, I guess I had to talk about it without burdening somebody.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Mena

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May 11, 2012
Mena:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It must have been terrifying and confusing to have someone you had trusted betray you in this way. Something to understand about pedophiles and sex offenders of children is that they "groom" their victims. They often treat them exceptionally well, giving them loads of attention (especially when that child is deprived of attention to begin with), finding their vulnerabilities and then taking advantage of those vulnerabilities. Over time, the child trusts them, and that's when things change for the worse. By that time, the child is confused and afraid, too afraid to tell someone. You did a phenomenal job staying away from this pedophile and protecting your Self. Your mother was oblivious, which put you at further risk. I will say that it is quite likely this guy did what he did to you, and likely worse, to others because pedophiles do no change their ways or stop until they are made to stop, usually by the authorities. I do understand why you want to keep the secret, Mena. Just know that when everyone keeps the secret, such sick and twisted people get to continue their sick ways. Never look at telling as "burdening" someone. As for not being affected, the fact that you keep people at a distance and don't trust is a huge issue when it comes to relationships. I do hope you'll consider seeking out some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with what this creep did to you. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And try not to compare what happened to you to what happened to others; abuse is abuse, and it affects each of us in a way that can be life-long. I send you love, light and healing energy, Mena. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Lisa

by Lisa
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was a little girl my mother beat me with a bamboo cane, I only remember from age 4. Then at age 13 she put a knife in my throat and threatened to kill me if I didnt wash my plate right away. My mother and father took what ever money I saved from babysitting. My mother was famous for telling me how I will suffer when I get old, which used to scare me. I have finally cut ties with them but not completely because I feel guilty for being a bad person.

My father has beaten me with a metal chair until I was bleeding because I had friends over when he asked me not to, the reason behind it was that I had to watch my twin brother right after school and couldnt go outside and be a kid. I was basically responsible for their kids. He never calls me on my birthdays, if he needs money he use to call me. But I stopped giving him money.

I have always had trouble with relationships.I tend to stay in abusive relationships.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 29, 2012
Lisa:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're NOT a bad person. Stop telling your Self that. Your parents have convinced you that you are, but that's a terrible lie. They are very troubled people, people who are using you for whatever gain they can get from you. What's important is YOU right now. What's important is that YOU see your Self as you truly are: caring, compassionate, kind. You've been taught that those qualities are to be taken advantage of, and now, because you don't feel very good about your Self, those qualities are also your vulnerabilities. That doesn't mean change them; it means recognizing when others are not treating you with the dignity and respect you deserve, and then walking away. Even if that means walking away from your parents. Sometimes distance from family is needed in order for healing to take place. As for abusive relationships, it's not unusual for victims of abuse to pick someone with the same characteristics as those who abused you as a child. It's a self-esteem issue, Lisa. You must first believe that you are worthy of dignity and respect, and treat your Self with that dignity and respect. When you build on your self-esteem, you begin to make better and healthier choices for your Self. Every time you think a negative thought about your Self, write down it's exact opposite. When you think, I'm a bad person, write "I'm a good person." And then write down all your qualities. Don't worry if you don't believe them just yet, just keep writing down good things about your Self, and put it somewhere that you see it all the time. Keep adding to the list. Read and re-read that list throughout the day. I also urge you to seek out some form of counselling or therapy to help you deal with the effects the abuse had on you. You're worthy of that kind of help. I send you love, light and healing energy, Lisa. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 29, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Lisa, your parents are deeply troubled and sadistic. I really hope that you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Oh, and beating you, berating you, stealing money from you and even threatening to stab you; what they did is abuse. It's not discipline when parents beat their kids for inviting friends over; it's not discipline either when parents threaten to slash their kids on the throat for not washing the dishes. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Well, maybe they're probably frustrated with their own lives and chose to take it out on you; sadly, they never got any help that they need because no one is helping them, but you can still help yourself.

Jun 30, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Lisa, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 3 + 2 more separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate and judgmental, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.


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Child Abuse Story From Kala

by Kala
(Tennessee, USA)

When I was 14 my parents divorced and I moved with my mom who only 2 months after her divorce was final was married to my step dad. She was 56 at the time and he was 37. He had a daughter and my mom always compared me to her "why can't you be like your step sister? why can't you go to parties like her and be a cheerleader and be skinny and have lots of friends?" my step dad would physically abuse me and my mom both. He would lock us outside at night in the cold and if we were hungry he'd throw all the food out of the fridge so we couldnt have anything to eat. He would throw me down on the ground and punch me in the face chest arms and stomach areas. At one point my mom even watched and done nothing. Then one night I went to bed and I woke up in the early morning hours around 2am and he came out of the bathroom naked. He looked at me and said "that was good!" my pj bottoms were down and my panties felt weird. I told my mom and my mom said I was a liar and kicked me out saying "i don't know where you'll go but i don't care either just get out he doesn't want you here and I don't either!" The abuse went on until I was almost 18. The verbal abuse still happens everytime I'm around my mom or him. That's my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 14, 2012
Kala:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I gather you're still in that abusive environment. I hope you find a way to get out and into a safe place. Your mother has betrayed and abandoned you as your most desperate hour, and called you a liar to boot. You can't rely on her for the support and encouragement you need. She's made her choice; and that choice was a your expense. Just understand that comparing you to your stepsister is not only wrong, they were lies. You are perfect as you are, Kala. They were the ones messed up in the way they thought and acted toward you. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

I don't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kala. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 14, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Kala, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to that sick monster of a stepdad and allow him to beat and berate you...how dare she! I am disgusted by her reaction to you turning to her for help. Her job is to protect you and keep you safe.What happened isn't your fault; it's their own fault because they chose to abuse you. you were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and chose to misuse it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, that you tell someone you really trust (and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you).

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Child Abuse Story From Marissa

by Marissa
(Pennsylvania, USA)

My brothers and sisters and I were born in California with my brothers and sisters and my other family. My birth mom delivered nine kids. We are all one or two years apart.
When I was nine years old I took care of my brothers and sisters by myself without any help I had to take care of five toddlers and two newborn babies and all had diaper rashes all over their butts, but I had to do it or who would take care of them? I did not go to school a lot. We were poor we did not have anywhere to take showers we lived in a one bedroom trailer Park. It was not good at all and the house was dirty and had dog hair all over the floor. My birth mom did drugs (and still does drugs.) My birth dad was not really in my life because he was on Megan’s Law so I wasn’t able to see him without other grown ups. It makes me feel really hurt that I don’t have my real parents to call mom and dad anymore but now I have adopted mom and dad who cares for me and brothers and sisters and I can call them my parents.
Three years later my brother and sisters and I went into foster care. My Sister and I went to three different foster homes and the other five went to a different home. My brothers, and my other sister they went to one foster home and they stay their. My brothers and sister that were in one were getting beat up and the foster parents were doing a lot of other things to them it was horrible.
Finally, my brothers and sisters and I got adopted and moved to Pennsylvania. My brothers and sisters and I have two other brothers and we adopted them too. My brothers and sisters are all together finally I am so happy that we ALL got adopted together and did not get separated. It’s been five years since we have been adopted and every year we have a party to celebrate that we are all safe and all together. My birth mother is still doing drugs and living on streets. My adopted mother is a great mom she has two kids on her own but she stop on the second child and wanted to adopt and she also helps us to become strong and do things when we get older. I hope I do not end up with my birth mom again. I found out my birth mom might be pregnant again with her tenth child. I said “I hope she is then I have another brother or a sister and then again then “I said I hope she is not having a baby because she doesn’t even take care of herself and how is she going to take another kid if she gave a way all her other kids and she is not pregnant thank god.” My life today is a lot different because I can go to school and take showers when I want and have a house that I don’t have to worry about what happens to me next like in California. I have a mother and father that take care of my brothers and sister and me. I hope I don’t end up like my birth mom and dad. It makes me feel happy when my mom and dad say, “They love us. “ I hope that I can learn from my past that happen and not go back to it because I said when I turn eighteen I’m moving back to California. But now when I think about I don’t want to. I learned about my real mom and grandma they are people who make mistakes. My real Grandma let my birth mom drop out when she was in eight grade and she had me when she was 15 years old and my adopted mom does not want me to be a teen mom. I also learned that don’t count on your parents when there doing drugs. It was a hard lesson. I remember when my grandma and my mom would always fight and always bring me in it all the time and one day they were getting into a fight and my grandma stabbed my mom with a fork and I cried and also my mom would come for money and then leave and I will always chase after her all the time. It was a bad life back then. It’s nice to be adopted now.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Marissa

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May 12, 2012
Marissa:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you are now in a safe and loving place. Your adoptive mother has love and your best interest at heart. As for your birth mother, she's deeply troubled and disturbed. And it sounds as though your mother's mother is disturbed as well. They haven't been able to deal with their "stuff", and as a result, you and your siblings suffered the consequences while in their care. Of course you'd be confused about your feelings for your birth mother; that's completely natural. What's important now is to continue to embrace the family you have now joined with, and realize that you are not your mother, nor are you destined to become her. You are a wonderfully loving and compassionate young woman who has the capacity to turn pain into power which will help you and so many others. You've already helped others by posting your story here. I do hope you have access to counselling in order to help you deal with the effects of what you've endured, Marissa. You deserve that kind of help. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


May 12, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Marissa, you were given a raw crappy deal; your birth parents, along with your birth grandma, are so twisted and messed up in their ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves; let alone be parents (and grandma) to you. They are deeply troubled and they need help, but don't try to help them; try helping yourself instead; it's up to them to want help. I'm glad your adoptive parents are with you and your siblings now because they're so sweet for doing that; I hope you guys really try counselling.

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LonelygirlUK

by Name Undisclosed
(UK)

I am 27 years old, and have a successful career. I feel like a fraud posting here as I am not sure whether or not my experiences constitute as abuse.

As a child and into my early adult life, my mum would hit me.

She would restrain me by grabbing my wrists together, hold me against the wall or couch and start punching or slapping me.

I could not predict when this would happen and sometimes it came as a complete shock. One day I could say something that would result in laughter, and the next, the same thing would result in me being beaten.

I remember when I was 10 years old, we went to pick my grandmother up from the airport. My father was driving and my grandmother was in the front. My mother was sitting in the middle in between me and my sister. I noticed that she did not have her seat belt on so I said, "you need to put your belt on!" The next thing I felt was a punch across the jaw from my mum. I felt shocked more than anything. I just started crying silent tears, as i knew that I should not cry.

When I was a teenager, I was beaten regularly. I felt unable to express who I was, as I was ridiculed. If I was stressed about school exams, I was shouted at, told I was being pathetic and beaten. I was called a sl*t and told that my friends were sl*ts.

She would tell me that I was miserable and I was making her life miserable. She would hit herself, punching and slapping herself, saying, "look at what you are making me do!" "I wish you were dead, I wish I was dead, it's your fault if I do die!" She would say that I was weird that I am mentally ill. Maybe I am.

When I started my periods, aged 11, my mother told me I was disgusting, and that I should be embarrassed because my father knew.

I was never allowed to express negative emotions. This would lead to being shouted at and beaten.

When I am back home or when I speak to my mother on the phone, the negative emotions inside me are triggered and the only way I can get rid of them is to cut myself. The triggering things can just be a subtle look of contempt, frustration from my mother, and this would send me into a swirl of negative emotions.

When I was beaten I used to feel myself floating away, and still do sometimes. There was one occasion last year after an argument (I was not beaten) when I thought that I became invisible. I look in the mirror sometimes and dont know if i really exist.
Although i am 27years old, I still feel like a child. I don't know who I am as a person. I would not be able to describe my personality. Sometimes I am perceived as outgoing and other times quiet and aloof.

I have not had a long term relationship and have no close friends.

I yearn for a confidante, somebody to confide in.

I have been going to a therapist and as a result, I have been able to identify why I cut and am starting to identify my negative emotions. When I started with therapy, I felt I was going mad, and did not realise I was cutting because of my past experiences. However I find it difficult to talk about painful memories and what I would like to do is talk through my emotions. I feel that I want to cry in therapy.

Another problem is that I am growing very attached to the therapist, and i find it very painful.

Thanks for any advice you can give me, sorry it is such a long and muddled story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 24, 2012
To LonelyGirlUK:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're not a fraud. Clearly, you endured child abuse. It's not discipline when a parent restrains a child in order to punch and slap a child. It's not discipline when a parent changes the rules of the game each and every day. And it's not discipline when a parent tells her child she wishes she were dead. This is a parent who has mental issues of her own, mental issues that you paid the price for.

As for the feelings you've developed for your therapist, it's not at all uncommon for this to happen during the process. You've developed an attachment that is based on the fact that you have someone who, for each entire session, is dedicated to listening to you and providing you with emotional needs you've never had met before. The emotional pain body sees this as a form of love, and then you react to that. Your therapist gives you a safe place to feel your emotions and express them. And your therapist is always there to lean on, even during your worst times. When this happened to me in my therapy years ago, I discussed it with him, and came to understand it was not unusual. And though you can't have an intimate relationship with your therapist, feeling as you do tells you that you are capable of feelings for another person, so look at this as a breakthrough of sorts. As for your mother, she has deep emotional problems of her own. In order to further you healing, you may need to distance your Self from her for a time. Talk to your therapist about this. And stop cutting. What you ultimately do when you cut is take the torch from your mother and abuse your Self. You're worthy of so much better than that. You're worthy of dignity and respect and love. The next time you need to cut to deal with the pain, remember that the pain is trying to tell you something valuable, and that you don't deserve to be mistreated, even by your own hand. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 24, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: LonelygirlUK, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 8 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.


Jun 25, 2012
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Lonelygirl, your mom is deeply troubled and sadistic; I really hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! I'm sure that when she was a little kid herself, her own mom taught her never to have any emotions. Not only did she learn that lesson very well, but she also decided that she will pass it along to her own children, but what encourages me is that you're not at all like that; you are a caring, loving, compassionate person; you want to show and experience love and that's a beautiful thing to do. Don't ever lose that. Oh, and she's wrong. You're not a sl*t; you're not disgusting; you're not weird; you're not crazy; you are beautiful; you are articulate; all those nasty, soul-stripping names that she called you are nothing but lies. Mature, stable adults don't scream and yell at anyone; mature, stable adults don't even beat themselves up; mature, stable parents don't call anyone names; especially their own precious children; mature, stable parents don't ever beat nor berate their own children; mature, stable adults don't ever tell their children to die; only mentally sick, deeply troubled people would resort to such childish tactics. Oh, and you didn't cause her to be miserable; she CHOSE to be miserable. Oh, and telling her to put on her seatbelt shouldn't have been like entering a lion's den. Oh, and again, beating you up for reminding her to put the seatbelt on is wrong because reminding someone to buckle up is the right thing to do and you are a caring person for telling her to buckle up; she needs to realize that she is abusive and ungrateful to you. Oh, and it's not your fault; you didn't cause her to abuse you; she CHOSE to abuse you; she only blames you because she refuses to accept her own responsibilities. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because, again, she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult. I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you stay in therapy. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse.

Jun 26, 2012
LonelygirlUK,
by: AnonymousT

Your mother said you were mentally ill....well, i have a pretty big hunch she was/is. It doesn't really matter why she did what she did. All that matters now is you're smart enough to know you need help. Help to heal, and move to a safe place.

You couldn't get it as a child, so as an adult you're taking care of you and i think you're doing a marvelous job! Only 27 & you took big, solid steps towards your life - bravo!! :)

Your mom didn't give you what you needed. First, it's natural that you seek those things out. Happiness, stability, well-being. You therapist has shown you these things, it's also natural to feel for someone who has shown you that it's ok to feel. I say be open, let them know. You two can work on that as well. And that's a good thing, trust me. Just to be able to trust again is good! :)

I give you lots of luck, pats on the back too. You're going to be okay. You've taken the steps to make sure of it!

T

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Child Abuse Story From Shelby H

by Shelby H
(Wisconsin, USA)

It all started when I was 7, and kept continuing until I was 13. When I was little my mom would beat me with her hands, she would pull me by my hair,she would threaten me, put me down all the time on how I was Retarded and not worth her time, my mom pushed me into a coffee table and kicked me in the stomach. My dad was never around because of his work. He was gone all the time, the only time my dad was home was on Sundays. He said after I told him that he had a feeling that something bad was going on and he was right, I was starved by my mom, she would tell me wait until my soap operas are done and she would never feed me. I'm 16 years old now, moved away from my mom a couple of months ago and till this day I don't speak to her, see her, or even forgive her. How DARE she treat her daughter like that what she did to me. Im and scared of people and cant trust either, I go to counseling to get through the awful past I had, and I am living with my sister. She is what I have to be thankful about everyday and I am Blessed :)




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May 19, 2012
Shelby:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you are now in a safe place and that you are in counselling. As grueling as counselling can be, it's worth it. Just be honest about what you're feeling and allow your Self to feel all the emotions you experience as you go through the process. Only then will those feelings let you go. And always remember that what your mother did to you was about her, not you. She is deeply troubled and took out her rage on you. You are worthy of dignity and respect and love. Don't ever believe otherwise. And yes, you are blessed to have your sister in your life; and it's good to hear you are thankful for that every day. She too is blessed...to have you in her life. I send you love, light and healing energy, Shelby. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 19, 2012
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Shelby, what a sick mother you had to beat, torture and berate you 24/7...how dare she! She's a deeply troubled one, too; she's proven that already just by those nasty injuries that she inflicted upon you. That isn't discipline; that's just torture. Oh, and she's wrong. You're not retarded; you are smart and articulate. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were denied of. You are none of those lies that she was spewing. Mature, stable adults would NEVER do what she did to you. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. You are not to blame for her sadistic behavior. Oh, and I'm glad that your sister is with you now because she's so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you stay in counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From William

by William
(Chicago, Illinois, USA)

Bad memories: 
When I was 8 years old (I'm now 31 and Male), my uncle was baby sitting me. This is the moment that changed me forever..

At that age I was so anxious and never wanted to come in and use the bathroom. I just wanted to stay outside and play with my friends. So I would hold it in (number 2). Sometimes I would have a little bit in my underwear and my father would get mad at me, hit me and make me clean them out in the sink while he watched. This was an on-going thing. My mother did nothing! Well anyway, my uncle was to babysit my brother, sister and I. I came in from playing one day and he said he wanted to check my underwear. So I let him, since it was a daily occurrence at my house. I figured my dad told him to check.

As it turned out, I had some in my underwear and like clockwork, I had to clean them out in the bathroom sink. My uncle was very mean to me about and was cussing and spanking me (just like my father would). When my dad did this to me, I was to put on another pair of underwear and clean my dirty ones. My uncle made me stand there naked and do it. It was so humiliating. That was just the beginning. I don't remember exactly how it played out, but the next thing I know, he is making me suck his penis. Of course, I knew it was wrong, but I was crying and didn't know what to do. After a while, which seemed forever, he told me to stop. I can't get into too much detail here, but eventually he had sodomized me.

I had blocked this memory out as much as I could through-out my childhood. I never told anyone and it never happened again (or so I think). I don't think he touched my brother or sister. It happened so fast. I figured he was punishing me for going number two in my underwear. I didn't think about the sexual aspect of it then or how gross he was. It wasn't until I was in my early twenties while speaking to a therapist at a psyche ward that it came out.

The therapist told my mother, which I told her not to!! Well, my mother has a big mouth. So she eventually told my whole family. I'm sure it got back to my uncle. Now, 10 years later, no one talks about it anymore. Fortunately for me, my uncle has been shunned by my family anyway due to him being a conman. He has been in and out of federal prison his whole life. Trust me, this guy is a real piece of work. I witnessed him stealing money from a church once.

The worse thing I think about now, is the fact that he has a son. His son is 18 I think, but it bothers me when my mind starts drifting and imagining what his son must have went through during his childhood. Glad I could get this off my chest. I've only shared this with a few, close people. Thank you for reading! ♥




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 30, 2012
William:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your uncle was a pedophile who preyed on your youth and your vulnerabilities. He knew you wouldn't tell, because that would mean your parents would find out that you had messed in your underwear again, which would likely mean more punishment. They set you up for abuse, and your uncle swooped on in, taking advantage of your situation. Just understand that you did NOTHING to deserve what he doled out, William. You were a child with a problem that wasn't being addressed appropriately. Fear kept you quiet. As for your therapist's betrayal of trust, I'm appalled. As her patient/client, she had an obligation to keep confidential what was discussed in your sessions. And though I don't know all the details of your admission to the psyche ward, it seems to me she breached her ethics by telling your mother something that would typically remain confidential. While I'm one to see the brighter side of things, and can see that your mother finding out may have been a positive thing, I don't believe your therapist had the right to do what she did. Based on what you wrote, it sounds as though you are walking the path of healing and recovery, William. Keep up the great work! I send you love, light and continued healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 01, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

William, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick pervert of an uncle as well as an equally sick monster of a dad and allow them to beat, offend and berate you 24/7...how dare she! That isn't discipline; that's just torture. The path that he and your parents chose is inexcusable. It isn't your fault; it's their own fault because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused that power over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, that you try counselling and that you look into reporting them.

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Child Abuse Story From Tche

by Tche'
(USA)

It started when I was 14 just kissing on the lips and hugs that lasted to long ya know. I was raised by my grandparents but spent plentky of time with my mom and as I got older occasionally with my daddy. He'd never really been around but when left my grandparents home to live with my mom it seemed like he was trying to be a good dad. We talked all the time about everything from music to boys to sex(which I wasn't having) I wasn't use to "affectionate" dad figure my grandpa just wasn't like that. So I thought it was all in my head when I thought daddy was hugging to tight or a kiss was to long. I use to tell him I didn't like the kisses on the lips but he somehow convinced me that it was normal nd I just wasn't use to it. Whenever I spent vacation time with him he'd ask me to sleep in bed with him because he'd was at work all day and wanted me close. I didn't always want to but I did because when he got mad he'd get in my face real close and yell or try to intimidate me or threaten to cut our visit short and it worked. I was terrified he'd get angry and send me away so I always did what he said. Our phone convoys would last till like 2am lots of times about how I shud call the 1st timei had sex and I shouldn't give boys blow jobs because I didn't know how.. sometimes it seemed like he was just.being a dad but it changed back and forth so much I was so confused. When I was 15 at a visit to his moms he came in drunk and told me go get in bed....his bed. Started ti.e then he stared teasing me saying my Jean.s were to tight and shirt to low since I had small breast (I was super sensitive about that and cried) that's when he started to look in My shirt which containdd my small boobs wearing -2 bras. And stuffed with tissue. That's when he started to tocb my. Breast and made me touch his penis then got on top of me and started grinding. My breast saying they were perfect and how daddy's were suppose to be the first person to see their babygirl naked. I just froze, he kept on then tried go suck my nipples that must have freaked me out more than the rest Cuz I shoved him off and cried and to think he held me till I stopped crying then he rolled over. I got out of bed and didn't sleep till he took me back to my moms. There's more but even after all these years its still hard to deal with. Thanks for letting me share my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 09, 2012
Tche':
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what you endured as a child. Your father was clearly twisted. He was as wrong as one could be about "daddy's" being the first. Just always remember that none of what happened was your fault. Fault lies squarely on the shoulders of your father because he chose to abuse you. And it WAS abuse: sexual abuse. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were sexually abused. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 10, 2012
Healing
by: Rita M

Dear Tche,
I juat want to tell you that you are clearly not at fault at all with your father.You are a young lady with strength and you recognize abuse.You spoke up when your father sexually abused you.
Not too many children do that because they are too afraid.I am so proud of you!! We need people like you.You stood up for your rights.Of course it is a natural thing to feel depressed.I encourage you to go for therapy because therapists
get in touch with your whole being.It is all about you and your well being.You are allowed to cry,laugh and feel angry etc.It is also confidential.It's a place with your therapist where you are safe.I was a battered child and went
to therapy because I just couldn't hold it in anylonger because I kept breaking down.I couldn't prentend anymore that things were just fine.I would cry while shopping.I eventually realized that I was in denial and went for therapy.The abuse that people endure is not to stay inside because it is poison.It has to come out because we
are designed to be healthy mentally and happy in every way.No one has the right to steal that from us.We learn about boundries.You are already natural about boundries and good at expressing yourself and when you are finished recieving councelling you will be able to help others because you have by then answered your needs internally.We need people like you.I have advocated a few people with a worker in the same room.Helping someone is a wanderful experience.
Listening to someone and leading them in a safe place is feeling beyond awsome because you haave rescued someone and it adds more freedome for yourself.I encourage you to face your father and perhapes lay charges for the abuse you endured from him.May you experience the peace we were born to have.God Bless you.
Rita M

Apr 11, 2012
Adult "survivor"
by: Tche

I'm 23 now and have never "completed" counselingy family thought it was not needed I plan to go back. I lost contact with that entire side of the family because they were so hard on me and took his side. Only in the last 6momths have I reconnected with my dads side of the family. If there's a family fuction and he shows up and I'm there he always takes one look at me and leaves immediately like he can't stand to be in the same room with me not that I care. I've moved on but seeing him is still so hard since after it "came out" we just dissapered from the face of the planet as far as each other were concerned.

Apr 11, 2012
It's not you
by: Rita McInnes

Hi Tche,
The problem is not in you.The problem is in your father and family.You have to choose where you want to be.It looks like you can recognize the
denial your family is going through.You were mentioning that your father won't stay arround
you.He certainly knows he is guilty and has twisted the story to make himself look good and
runs away.Sometimes family members leave the family alone if the family is very disfunctional.
That is a very healthy thing to do because you are obviously not heard or undertood and there is no proper support for you.You have to be away from people family or not that have a negative influence on you.I strongly encourage you to return to councelling.Find someone that you know will listen to you.There are therapists well
trained.Don't stop.Keep going until you have a strong grip on life.When you have control of your life you develope boundries and you make decisions that are healthy for you.This is not about your family,it's about you.You already recogninize what is going on and you don't want that life style because you don't fit in it.You're not supposed to fit in it.You need to seperate the difference from the family and the
disfunctional life style.You need to see that
you love your family but not the disfunctional life.You can't change them but you can change yourself and make it better for yourself.Councelling is a very important factor in life because therapists show you amazing things
that we wouldv't never thought of.You can complete councelling.I have taken a space in my life and got rid of all the things that bothered me and the doubts and hurts and all the garbage and all the negative things.Now I carry no shame.
I have freedom and want to use it with wisdom.
What I mean by freedom is that you are no longer in the clutches of abuse from the family or not.
You have come this far in your thinking about life and a form of order.I am hoping that you will
honestly take the space in your life and turn your life around.That is where you get your strength.It starts from you.You have come this far
in life along with some councelling but you need to complete your councelling.It is worth it.I have no regrets.I hope to hear from you some time.
Never give up ,because you are worth it.
God Bless
Rita M

Apr 11, 2012
Thanks rita
by: Tche

Thank you for your kind words Rita, I've finally come to realize that I do need to complete my counseling. It's in my near future :)

Apr 12, 2012
Proud
by: Rita M

Dear Tche,
I am so pleased to hear from you again.You have
made a healthy decision.The important thing here
is that you are doing it for yourself and you will
find out how important you really are.I am proud of you.God Bless
Rita M

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Child Abuse Story From Jack

by Jack
(Location Undisclosed)

I want my older brother to admit what he did to me. He lies all the time and everybody believes him because he is older. I was 12 he was 17 and this happened 5 years ago. He only did this the once but he hurt me and he is still hurting me because i'm a liar. I have been lying for 5 years, nobody listens anymore. I just want him to admit that he hurt me and that i havn't lied all these years. Once a liar always a liar, that's all i hear.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 30, 2012
Jack:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You know you're not lying. You know the truth. That's what's important. But if you continue to live your life wanting your brother to admit to something he doesn't not want to admit to, then you'll be left wanting and you're the one in prison. I learned a very long time ago that I cannot change what others think, say or do; I can only change how I respond. I can only be responsible for my own actions. And I decided those actions would be honourable, filled with integrity because I would not compromise Who I Really Am as a result of something someone else did. Your brother isn't the one suffering as a result of your pain; you're the one suffering. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what happened and in order to help you free your Self of this terrible burden. Just one last word about confrontations: I don't advocate for them because they are rife with denials, minimizations or worst of all, pointing the finger of blame onto the person who was victimized. Your brother also knows the truth, even though he won't publicly admit it. He has to live with the consequences of that. You have to chose to take a different path, a path that allows healing into your life. That's what you deserve, Jack. Nothing less. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 30, 2012
Jack
by: Anonymous

Thanks Darlene
Never thought of myself as being in prison but now i think about it, i am stuck in one place and one memory. I always thought my brother admiting what he did was the key. Truth is the key and i have had it in my hand all the time but truth was also the bars holding me back. I know the truth and i have always had the key, i just never used it.
Thanks

Jun 30, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Jack, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

Jul 20, 2012
I understand.
by: Anonymous

I understand what you're going through. My eldest sister abused me sexually and physically for years. Seven years after the abuse ended, I told. But she lied, and nothing was done. All that matters is that you know the truth. I think it would be best if you forget about those who don't believe you and your brother. Focus on you and bettering yourself. You deserve happiness and closure.

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Child Abuse Story From Antigone

by Antigone
(Mississippi, USA)

I remeber her frowing all the time at me and my little sister. And I remeber her smiling and enjoying herself with her friends it was like she was a different person. I was afraid of my mother and terrified whenever she called my name. She would keep me and my little sister away from reality for days and days we would just have to sit in our room full of toys and play and read books we could not leave out the room we would have to ask. I was six years old and my sister was the baby she was three. Till this day she cant remember what I went through because she was so young. My mom would dress me in turtle necks and long pants and send me out to play in the Mississippi heat. She tried her best to cover up the scars and marks she put on me for just being my daddys child. I recall one time she was combing my hair in the living room and my dad tried to come and get me for the weekend and she would not let him but when he left atfer they had a heated argrument she thrust my head into the tv out of no where. And that was the start of me wearing bangs she did that to cover the scar on my forehead. My mom was a nightmare to me until my dad find out that I was being abused and got full custody of me at age six. My mom did not show up to the court trial at all. I have many more memories of my mom from being locked in closet for hours to staring at walls in a corner. But it was not to late for me because lucky for me I had my dads family who showed me how to love and what love is. I am proud to say that I am a member of the United States Army and a proud mother of two wonderful boys. I dont look back on my memories and cry anymore I look back at them and smile cause even though its hard to admit thats how I got to be the strong young woman that I am today.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 05, 2012
Antigone:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You survived as a child "in spite of", not because of what you endured. It's a testament to the internal strength you've had all along. To cry is not being "weak"; crying is cleansing and extremely strengthening. Crying allows us to heal from the emotions that have been trapped inside of us, emotions that insist on surfacing. If you find your Self being haunted at any point as you move through the various ages and stages of your life, I hope you'll consider seeking out some form of counselling or therapy. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Antigone.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 05, 2012
RE: Child Abuse Story From Antigone
by: Zach F.

The abuse your mother put you through is absolutely terrible. It saddens me to think that any parent would treat their children that way and then go to such great lengths to cover up the evidence. It is a shame that your mother had custody over you and your sister for so long but I am glad to know that you finally managed to get away. I also think it is admirable that you are doing what makes you happy now and I can only hope the same can be said about your sister.
-Zach


Apr 05, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Antigone, your mom was deeply troubled and sadistic...and thank goodness you survived! Beating you, berating you, not allowing you to go outside and get some fresh air and even slamming your head against the TV...children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse; mothers who abuse their own daughters are the real abusers. Maybe she was frustrated with her own life and chose to take it out on you and your sister; sadly; she never got any help that she needed because, unfortunately, no one is helping her. However, don't try to help her; try helping yourself instead; it's up to her to want help. She was acting like a little 1-year-old trapped in a grown woman's body because she was stuck in her own childhood. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and chose to misuse that power over you. Kudos to your dad for protecting you because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try conselling and that you look into reporting that sadistic beast of a mother.

Apr 06, 2012
strong
by: Rita M

Hi Antigone,
I am happy that you have found a way to heal.
The military has order and it can help many people.However if anytime in life you can't over come the abuse you endured do not be ashamed at anytime for reaching out.Even with my now stable life I have still left a door open so I can get help because my name is still on their files.
This is where I was councelled and learned about my own securities and looking after my self.This is also a health back up.God Bless.
Rita M

Apr 22, 2012
Depressing
by: Lucia

Wow, you are just like me. We both endure horrible odds and terrible families who don't love and mess around with us mentally and emotionally.

Your mother is so sick, she deserves to be locked up. Hopefully, you're safe and away from all of that sick crap they put you through. Never give in no matter what they tell you, because if you give up the fire of rebellion goes out of you and you become their puppet. But if you keep on telling yourself every day that it's not your fault and that you will prevail no matter what happens, you will survive.

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Child Abuse Story From Roxie

by Roxie
(Texas, USA)

It all started when i was around 5,as a child i moved from home to home.when i was little i remember my mother being abused by my stepdad .i remember waking up to her screaming and crying almost everynight.My mother bacame an alcholic and decided she didnt want to care for me or my sister.she decided her life would be easier if she kept my 3 brothers and me and my sister would live with my dad.so. i moved with my stepmom and father because my mother was unfit to care for me.At first it was nice,my stepmom took care of meand my sister we had a perfect family.She had 2 other children from a previous marriage and would have 5 more by the time i was 10.its really unclear if all along it had been childabuse if maybe i just wanted it to be perfect.one day when i was like 5 or 6 .we got a visist from a cps investigator.she stayed on our case for about 6 months doing home visits and helping with what we needed,until she thought we were safe,then she was gone.1 year later we moved to another town,and thats where my story really begins.At first it was good,then the fighting started.Then the drugs.i remember it like yesterday i got home from school and went into the restroom.while i was in there i remember looking in the cabinet where we kept cleaning products,instead of finding what i was looking for i found a small syringe with a tiny needle.i grabbed it and ran outside, not knowing that i had found a herione needle i showed it to my siblings.my dad saw me with it took it away and never said what it was only that it wassnt his,it was my stepmoms broth.i started realizing things were different when my stepmom stoppdd caring how we dressed if we ate,if we went to school.my big sister had to become our mother,she stopped going to school in 6 th grade.we had no food at home so shed get all 6 of us together and walk us towhere they offered free food.eventually we had no water.my dad would beat us if we tried to turn on a light in the house was always paranoid.my stepmom was always in the room,locked in there convinced the devil was trying to get in her.my baby sisters couldnt even cry or theyd get hit.nobody did a thing.one day when i came home from school my mom was there to pick me and my sister up.the school had called her to let her know my older sister haddnt been to school in months and also that cps was starting an investigation .me and my sister left with my mom crying and fighting. We wanted to leave but we did not want t to leave behind our siblings.That same week if not day cps went to visit with my stepmom and dad.what they found was so bad that my dad got sent to prison and the kids were takin into custody.after 2 attempts that they gave her to stay clean,and her failing every drug test they gave her.mysiblings were permanently placed in foster homes.we have no idea where they are and have never been told how to find them.The caseworker that took on the case has sworn her life that we will never be able to see them in person.we used to recieve photos showing us how they looked. But they stopped and now the oldest at the time was 4 this year turns 19..MAYBE ONE DAY WE CAN SEE THEM. WERE STILL IN CONTACT WITH my stepmoms 2children from her previous marriage,because they were placed with thier father.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 02, 2012
Roxie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I gather you were trying to include the names of your step-siblings in an effort to find them. And while I can appreciate what you're trying to do and why, I remove names and other identifying information before stories are posted on this site in order to maintain anonymity and privacy. If you're now an adult, and the siblings you're trying to connect with are also adults, perhaps going through an organization that specializes in bringing family members together would be the route to go. You could always leave your information, and then if these other siblings choose to connect with you (if they're found), they can contact you. In the meantime, I do hope you're in some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the effects of what you were forced to endure as a child. You didn't deserve to be abused. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Roxie.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Cindy

by Cindy
(Location Undisclosed)

Despite having to deal with my mother everyday, I refuse to let others know this. No matter how broken or fragile I am on the inside, I always make sure my peers know me as strong, confident and organized. Acting as if everything is okay is my way of dealing with things. But because of my emotional abuse, I have very little self esteem and self respect, and sometimes I feel like I am just worthless and I want to commit suicide. I come from a family of four:me, my mom, my dad and my younger sister. My dad is usually across the seas so in this house it's just me, my mom and my little sister. My dad is a very reasonable and caring person, while my mom is the complete opposite. Being the eldest child, my mom has always pushed the responsibility of taking care of my sister on me. Ever since my sister was born, she got more attention than me. I remember once my sister couldn't sleep, so my mom was saying things to her like "When you grow up you'll be much smarter and more successful than your stupid sister. Mommy will take you to lots of different places and I won't bring your annoying sister okay?" I was sitting right beside her when she said those things, and it made me feel so sad I started crying. When I did, my mom yelled at me for being a brat and how I was the reason my sister couldn't sleep. I just kept crying and walked to my room. I was only 5 years old that time. As I grew older, my mom found more reasons to pick on me, "You're the reason your sister is getting bad grades! You're ruining her future! Why can't you be more considerate? Stop nagging me brat! Why are you so ugly? See your sister is so much prettier than you." Everytime she said something like that, my throat closed up and I felt the tears coming, but I would push them back and try to act as if it was no big deal. Then when I was in my room alone I cried silently so no one would hear. Now just before I wrote this, my mom yelled at me for being unreasonable. She asked me what a letter meant, and I told her everything on the letter that was important. I thought I did a pretty good job of explaining but no, she began to yell at me to stop reading the letter and to explain it to her. I told her that's all I could tell her because there was nothing else to say, so then she kept yelling at me. She started saying things totally unrelated to the letter like, "You just don't want to explain it to me because you're lazy! Are you stupid? Of course you're stupid you only got a 94 on your report card last time! I do so much for you and you can't even do one thing right!" Well that blew me off and I began crying. Then she said all kinds of bad things to prove how stupid I am or she's right and I'm wrong. I got really mad and frustrated so I said she just never appreciates anything I do. Well that made her even more mad and she just rambled off. I kept on crying but then she screamed, "Stop crying you brat! Shut up and go cry in your room or something! I don't want to hear your stupid cries and you have no reason to cry!" Well after that here I am, completely fed up and depressed, writing this huge paragraph. Sometimes when I'm alone and I just finished crying, I reflect on what happened to really try to see what I did wrong. Most of the times yes, my room could've been cleaner or my grades could've been higher but even when everything was perfect, my mom would find a way to yell at me. Sometimes I felt so sad I felt like cutting myself or committing suicide. Once after I got yelled at, my mom took my sister shopping and to eat at a restaurant. I was home alone and I just wanted to die. I found a bottle of wine and I drank all of what was left. It burned my throat and my stomach but it felt good. Now my biggest dream is to become successful and live the life I've always wanted. No one there to criticize me, no yelling, no nagging and no more crying. My goal is to move out when I turn 18, so I'll never have to deal with my mom again. But sometimes I picture her old and alone, I feel really guilty and then I change my mind, but then she does something to really tick me off and then I am back on track. I just hope that one day she'll finally act like a loving mother to me. And now because of her I've sworn to treat my future children with love and attention.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Cindy

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May 06, 2012
Cindy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are so NOT worthless. You are worthy of dignity and respect and love. And you are SMART! VERY SMART! Your mother is troubled. She's taking out her own "stuff" on you, but it has nothing to do with you. I know that's really hard to believe right now, but it's true. You really are perfect as you are, Cindy. You matter. The world needs people like you. And you're so much stronger than you realize. Your last statement makes that so clear: you've been through so much, yet you see your Self in the future with children, and treating them with the dignity and respect you know they deserve. There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. Don't believe the lies. Understand that those lies are coming from someone who is disturbed, someone who needs help. But you can't help her; you can only find help for your Self, Cindy. Please talk to a counsellor at school or a trusted teacher about what you are dealing with. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. Don't keep it inside. Child Help are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Always remember that you're a beautiful person, Cindy, because that's the truth. It really and truly is the truth. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 06, 2012
The Horror Part 1
by: Anonymous

Cindy, your mom is wrong. You are not stupid; you are smart and articulate. You're not ugly; you are beautiful. You are not annoying; you are not lazy; you are not a brat; you are not unreasonable. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, so never believe any of those nasty lies. Only deeply disturbed people would resort to such tactics. She is deeply troubled. You're a truly caring, loving, compassionate person; you want to show and experience love alike and that's a beautiful thing. Don't ever lose that.

May 06, 2012
The Horror Part 2
by: Anonymous

As for crying, it's not about weakness; in fact, crying is all about strengthening and healing, so when we cry, we allow our tears to heal us. Plus, everyone cries. Don't forget that. It's not your fault that your sister is falling behind, couldn't get much sleep, etc.; it's not your fault that your mom chose to hurt you; you are important; you are lovable. Sadly, your mother never got any help that she needs because no one is helping her, so TELL, TELL, TELL!!! Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Besides your sister, she has a talented, gorgeous, intelligent daughter that she needs to be grateful for. You're not to blame. So please tell someone you really trust (yes, you can even tell your dad too!) and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and say "No" to suicide because it is a permanent mistake to many temporary problems.

Oct 10, 2012
What happened to you was wrong.
by: BMW Princess

Dear Cindy,
I'm sorry that happened to you. It was wrong. You are not stupid. 94 is a good mark. And your mother should have set a better example to your sister by not bad mouthing you to her.

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Child Abuse Story From Justice - My Statement of Rights

by Justice
(Location Undisclosed)

I have rights as a child: 
I have the right to be protected
I have the right to be loved
I have the right to not be ashamed
I have the right to be left alone
I have the right to not be afraid
I have the right to say no that's enough
My rights were take from me. i wanted to share my rights because they're every child's rights




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 20, 2012
Justice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're so right...every child deserves to have these rights. As I stated in my comment to you May 18th on your first post, please contact one of hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially about what you are dealing with. Don't suffer in silence any longer. If you can't get to a phone, tell a teacher, a counsellor, the parent of a friend, and keep telling until someone helps you. Nothing can change until you end the silence. You deserve so much better than what you're dealing with. Again and as always, I send you love, light and healing energy, Justice. Thank you for sharing with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 20, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Justice, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comment from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple, posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. She left 3 comments on this thread, all of which have been deleted.

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Child Abuse Story From Neil P

by Neil P
(British Columbia, Canada)

50 yrs old and So tired of running: 
I sit in a damp basement in Quesnel, B.C. Just moved here from Alberta and before that Ontario and so on.Was sexually and physically molested in the 70's at a Government run school in Florida. I am Canadian born not American.I walk away from good jobs and can't understand why. 3 marriages gone. I try to step up and face my horror but Police only brush me aside as I live in Canada and not in Florida. So much to say and tell. I can see the face of the bast**d that did this to me clear as day. At night I close me eyes and there I am in that closet where it happened. I can even see the white slats on the door. Government run school means lots of illness and I was not immune. I caught the crabs. This is a nasty thing that makes you itch like hell as the little bugs bite the body. I told my abuser and he made me suffer. I suffered for over a year and at night I would pick them off 1 by 1 with tweezers that I had stolen. So much to tell and say but this bast**d and the Florida school board/Government need to step up.I will be running soon but don't know when.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 06, 2012
Neil:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What you endured will be with you no matter where you go. The fact that the Florida authorities are not taking your reports seriously tells me that it's time to escalate the process. The fact is, you were abused while in the care of a government institution. Florida now has a law in effect that has eliminated the statute of limitations for child sexual abuse. Keep pursuing what is your right, Neil. Stand up in the way that you couldn't when you were a child. I also strongly recommend that you seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what you were forced to endure as a helpless vulnerable child. You didn't deserve to be abused. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you were abused. Treat your Self better than anyone ever has. Recognize that you are worthy of dignity and respect and love. Start with self-dignity, self-respect and self-love. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 06, 2012
Never give up
by: Rita M

Hi Niel,
My heart goes out to you.I am sorry for the suffering you went through.You did not deserve that at all.The thing here is that you need to
act upon your feelings.I was a battered child in
care.I carried the sorrow and hurt and shame for
many years.I imagined a little child that
was crying for attention.I imagined it being picked up and loving the child and talking to the
child and asking her what she wanted.This child was me.The answers I got helped me out.The child wanted attention and someone to talk to and someone to hear her hurts.I realized this was not
to be taken lightly and sought for therapy.The
therapy was intense and long.It was also enjoyable
because not only was I being heard by the therapist but I felt that the more I let out in the session the more clearly I could think.It was
coming out and staying out.The hurts that I carried were dissipating.The memories will always
be there but I don't hurt anymore.I felt that I needed to get help and I reached for it with no charge at all.I could sense a balance happening and things happening in an orderly way.The person that hurt me had no order so I rather than
carrying the shame I took authority over this continual hurt and turned it around.I broke the pattern and made some very strong boundries.I did
as much as I could but still needed councelling of whicn I have no regrets.Councelling is a powerful tool for a person because you are setting order and listeng to your needs.I at the present time am on a disability because I couldn't keep a job.I needed time from the work world and took all the baggage out.I am on a disability but hoping that I can study and get a worth while job.The reason for not being able to keep a job is because in your childhood you spent the time and energy surviving to live and fighting the abuse and suffering.This is called the drive to live.The years you spent in fear,loneliness etc.has worn down on you.Now that you are an adult the enrgy is not there. You never got the chance to be a child.I felt I was just there and nothing else.I often wandered what else there is in life.Now that I have officially completed councelling I have order and I know what I want.The people that hurt me are no longer around me.I am at the present time speaking to authorities and lawyers because of my childhood.I have been told many times it's too late.I am still pushing.I was told in previous letters that there is no help.I am still pushing and have now started hearing the voice over the phone from lawyers and child services.I live in a different province right now and have called the authorities in the province that the abuse happened.I am now recieving emails and phone calls.I haven't got a clear answer yet.It is not too late for you to turn your life around Niel.Get yourself a place even if it is a room.You need rest because you are worn.
Rita M

Apr 07, 2012
Getting Help
by: Rita M

Hi Neil,
I just want to explain what I meant getting a room
because you are worn.What I meant was if you have a family dr. you can ask for your dr. to prepair a
letter for you to get onto social services.Dr.'s can advocate for you if you need Soc.Services
councelling and Housing.You need a spot in a place where you can feel safe and very comfortable to heal. Keep trying until you get an answer.You did't deserve the abuse you endured.You are still exhausted from the abuse.It is very possible for you to get help and get rid of the hurts.I hope you can understand that you are really worth being the person you should be in peace and good mental health along with physical health.It makes a difference when you are well and it is a blessing that you can function the way you need to.Take care of yourself the way you need to.You may be
able to work down the road by putting yourself first by going for councelling.I hope you are not one of these men that think that you are not a man if you are on Soc.Services.It is there for the very purpose you are in need for.Please let us know how you are doing.You have a very Happy Easter.
God Bless
Rita M

May 31, 2012
too many jobs
by: Exanimis

I have woke up from a deep sleep believing that I just heard the voice of my abuser, I know exactly what you are going through. I have read that men express fear as anger, I didn't like that explanation but I came to realize that it is true. My fears showed as anger and made keeping a job or relationship together nearly impossible. Please seek help, find a therapist who can help you through the hard times.

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Child Abuse Story From Catherine

by Catherine
(Oregon, USA)

I... I'm not really sure how to begin this.
Since I was young- About 2- My father has never been happy with me. Everything I ever did was a disappointment.
I would come home from school in first grade, beaming with pride as I held an A on a spelling test up in the air (as it was my worst subject) and hand it to him. Then, of course, he'd glare at me and tell me I could have gotten a hundred percent, instead of a 90.
Not just tell me. Scream it to me.
He hasn't ever laid hands on me, besides the harsh spankings making it near unable to walk for a day until I was about 9. But that's average for every child.
But every time we speak.... all I hear is how I'm an idiot and I need to do better and pull my head out of my arse.
Even when I try, apparently I'm not really trying. And I'm pathetic.
I've told the counselors at my school.... but of course, they can't do anything but try to comfort me.
Heck, most of them told me I need to just be a better daughter. Then maybe he'd stop screaming at me.
From this.... I've gotten depression. It's brought down my self-esteem, and because I'd go to school and cry about it, I'd get bullied day after day. Which led to me about committing suicide in 5th grade.
My mom hasn't played any part in helping on my dad's tirades. But what else can she do?
After all..... I know I deserve every bit.....




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 17, 2012
Catherine:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's not true that every child gets spanked so harshly that walking is difficult. Though spanking is legal where you live (much as I detest that it is legal), there are limits to the amount of force a parent can use. And when we use the term "never lays a hand on me", that's exactly what it means, which includes spanking. So your father DOES lay a hand on you. The other lies you've come to believe come from a man who is deeply troubled. It isn't about you at all, Catherine. This is about HIM, your father, though that's really difficult to see at this point in your life. And the counsellors who have told you to be a better daughter have not only crossed a line, they need to answer for that kind of response. Your father needs help, but you can't help him. You can only do what you can to get help for your Self. Your mother CAN do something, but it seems she's chosen not to. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be mistreated. You deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated. Always believe that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love because that's the real truth. I send you love, light and healing energy, Catherine. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 17, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Catherine, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comment from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple, posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her.

May 17, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Catherine, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comment from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple, posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her.

May 17, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Catherine, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comment from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple, posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her.

May 17, 2012
Catherine...
by: Anonymous

Catherine, your dad is wrong. You are not stupid; you are not an idiot; you are smart and articulate. You're not pathetic; you are strong. You are none of those lies. As for your mom, her job is to protect you, so for not doing that, she's just as responsible for that as he is. As for the counsellors, when you told them about your dad, they are supposed to help you, so shame on them for dropping the ball! Anyway, your dad really needs help, so please keep telling until someone will finally listen to you and help you.

May 18, 2012
Catherine,
by: AnonymousT

It's easy to beleive you deserve it when you're told that you're entire life. Sometimes it's hard to look beyond what we've been taught in our parents home.

I encourage you to keep reaching out, to read books about verbal abuse, to do something that makes you feel good. Like trying somethng new. A club at school (I know that sounds lame, but try it, you may be surprised!), baking, running, lifting weights/aerobics.....the ideas are countless.
The point is, when we do something we love & enjoy it, no matter what some mean person says, they can't take away our feeling we have when we're DOING it. Does that make sense?
Like, I love to draw & if someone said, "You suck" I'd know they were wrong, because I'm happy when I'm drawing.

Not everyone gets spanked enough to hurt for days. That's excessive & abusive.

You don't deserve his treatment. You have a bright mind and a kind soul, you can see beyond his thoughts.

T

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Child Abuse Story From Alicia

by Alicia
(New York, USA)

When I was born in April 1996, my mother and father already had 2 other daughters, and my father had a son. Life was always fun and I always got to go on new adventures through the lots and through the city, but when I was 6 years old we had to move. We moved to a little farm town in New York, it was a blue-grey house that was beat up, with a barn and a chicken coop, but only one neighbor. While growing up my dad had always been an alcoholic, but he never got mean until we moved.

It was a Friday night and my father had just gotten home from the bar, and my mother was cooking dinner and he didn't like it. He smashed the beer bottle on the table and held it against her neck, then he pushed her down the stairs. Since I was only 6 and my other sister's were 8 and 9, there was nothing we could do. My father didn't hit my mother in front of me again, but his drinking got worse. Every night he would get home, completely drunk, and he would go off, usually it was my fault. He would tell me I am worthless and that I am a waste of human flesh, the most common thing he would say was "I don't even know why your mother kept you, you're nothing but a burden on us."

He always spanked me and slapped my hands, but the really bad stuff started when I was in Eighth grade. I got suspended March 3, because since both my parents smoke cigarettes I decided to take them and give them to one of my friends, but I got caught. My dad picked me up from school and he backhanded me across the face and left a bruise. Things got worse from there, the next day my dad pinned me against the door and he punched me across the face in the same spot as the day before, and he said "Get used to it, this is all you're good for." A couple weeks went by and nothing significantly big happened, but one day my oldest sister and I had to go to the barn and feed our animals, she was mad because she didn't think it was her turn. I went everyday because I loved the animals, and when we got home my sister got mad because I didn't get the door. My father grabbed my ponytail and dragged my down to the ground "Knock off the attitude."

Nothing was ever done, but one day I was going with my dad to my friend's barn to get a kitten and I made a comment he didn't agree with so he reached across me and pushed me out of the door while going down the road. I was in walking distance home so I just had to tell my mom I fell when I was walking to my friend's house. I sprained my ankle, but never told anyone what happened, and my father doesn't even remember.

There were other times that this type of thing happened, but I dealt with it any way I could. When I was a freshman I decided to meet one of my friends at his house to hang out, but it ended worse than that, I have been raped twice and forced to do other stuff multiple times because no one has ever taught me what to do in those situations. I am now a sophomore and nothing has changed, but one of my good friends noticed I don't eat and when I do I go to the bathroom right after. She also noticed the cuts on my wrists and my drug use has increased dramatically. She told my parents and my dad got mad. I have to see 4 counselors, but nothing is being done about my father.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Alicia

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Apr 10, 2012
Alicia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Try not to look at going to see counsellors as some kind of punishment. It's not punishment at all. And try not to compare what your father did to what you're now facing. What your father did to you is criminal. The only way for him to have to pay a legal price for that is if those he abused disclose the abuse and a prosecutor becomes involved and determines there is enough evidence to go forward with charges. The fact that you are seeing counsellors could very well help you deal with the repercussions of enduring extreme child abuse, providing you are willing to be honest and open to the process. If you go into your sessions with an attitude or with a chip on your shoulder about the whole idea of counselling, then you are the one who doesn't benefit. You didn't deserve to be abused, Alicia. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Treat your Self better than anyone ever has. The drugs, the cutting, etc are a cry for help, help that has arrived in the form of counselling. And always remember that what happened to you was not your fault. You are not to blame. Blame and shame are squarely on the shoulders of your abuser because he chose to abuse you. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 10, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Alicia, your so-called dad is wrong. You're not a burden to your family; you're an asset to your family. You're not a waste of human flesh; you're not worthless; you are worthy of love, dignity and respect. He is deeply troubled and sadistic. I really hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! He has the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at every single cost, so please get out of that house...PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!! Next time he lays a hand on you ever again, please consider reporting him ASAP. Beating and berating you, pulling your hair, and even beating your mom, let alone, for "not cooking him the dinner he wanted"...what he did to you is abuse, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Apr 11, 2012
Taking control
by: Rita M

Hi Alicia
My heart really goes out to you.It is very hard to live with an alcoholic.They seem to center their problems on anyone they like.That means that you were targeted.There is no reason for this or any excuse for that behaviour towards
you.I encourage you to take pride in councelling.
I was also abused and went for councelling to the
very end until I was officially done.I took advantage of all the life supports that I possibly
could use in order to pull myself together.It was
free of charge.The therapists are interested in the person they are councelling.It's not just a
job it's someone that genuinely cares how you feel
and is willing to go through with everything you possibley need.This is about you.It is natural for you to feel angry but it can be released as you go for councelling.You learn about trust and about boudries.The more you focus on yourself the
less anger you will have because you are now taking control of yourself.The fear of being hurt by someone will go away because you will learn that you are now in controll.I encouragae you to take full advantage of the therapy.There is so much value in in it.Think of the good things you want to put in place of abuse from your father or anyone else.Make some healthy goals of what you want and be happy.You deserve to be happy.Take advantage of what is good for you instead of abuse.You are worth it.God Bless you
Rita M

Apr 11, 2012
Alicia,
by: AnonymousT

I encourage you to tell the counselors about your father, tell them what happened just like you told us. Write it down if you feel better.

We do drugs & drink & cut & find ourselves in bad situations because we were never taught how to cope or deal with the intense feelings that abuse leaves us with. He hurt you - now you're hurting you.

I'd love to just say stop - but I also know it's not so easy.

Trust your counselors, do your best to take care of you.

I'm rooting for you. You have strength in you, you can do it. You can rise above what you were shown. You are worth it.

Healing thoughts & bravery,
T

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Child Abuse Story From Sheila

by Sheila
(West Virginia, USA)

Mommy beat us often with a belt while we squirmed all over the floor screaming, even hit us with the buckle at times. She would whip harder if we cried, which we always did, of course. She also kicked me across the room once when I was sick and vomited on the floor. She called us awful names, cursed us a LOT, and told me, at least, I was ugly. I took her into my home when she got old and tried to help her, we actually built an addition of a living room, bedroom, kitchen and bath for her to live with us, but she lied to many people and told them we weren't feeding her! She caused so much trouble in our family, told relatives and anyone she talked to on the phone my daughter was a whore, and on and on it went. We finally had to confront her and tell her she would have to stop lying. I woke up one morning and she had my niece move her out in the early morning hours! I was shocked and cried for weeks. She went to stay with my sister, and that lasted about 4 months, then the Department of Human Services came to my sisters door and investigated her for abusing mom! She had done the same thing to her, and also did basically the same thing to my younger sister, who had moved in with her and tried to take care of her. The result of all this had bothered me quite a bit. She died in 2006, and with 5 living children, only 1 was speaking to her. She had called me a few months before in a move i suspect was to try and make up with me, to tell me her brother had died and she was the last sibling left alive. I just said I'm sorry to hear that, but i didn't really talk to her. That happened about 7 months after she left my house hurriedly. I wonder if I did the wrong thing. I'm still very bothered about this, and wonder if I should have tried more.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Sheila

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Apr 15, 2012
Sheila:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You have nothing to feel guilt about. Allow me to help you gain some perspective. YOU set aside all that your abusive mother had done and opened your arms and home to her when she was old and in need. For that kind, compassionate and loving act, she turned on you and lied to others about how she was being treated. And then, when you and your husband confronted her about the lies and told her she couldn't lie this way, she kept the lie going and got others involved to care for her in a way that was a slap in the face for all you'd done for her. And then when things were going wrong for her, she didn't reach out to you, she reached for you. In other words, she was using you in much the same way she had used you before and had used others. Clearly, your mother was disturbed. Clearly, she had ulterior motives, motives that would have brought you down in the same way she already had. Sheila, a person can forgive someone without having to have that person in their lives. Your mother made choices in her life, and those choices had consequences: she could not be trusted. Always remember that you were not required to be a dishrag. You had to draw a line in the sand, and you did that. Admirably. The rest were consequences that came as a result of your mother's choices. Please consider some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the guilt you still feel, guilt that isn't yours to bear. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 16, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Sheila, your mother was wrong. You're not ugly; you are beautiful, so never believe any of the lies that she was spewing. She was deeply troubled and sadistic...and thank goodness you survived! Oh, and taking you for granted for being nice to her and lying to everyone about your kindness, no matter how nice you were to her...that's just as appalling. What she did to you is never your fault; it's her own fault because she chose to abuse you. Oh, beating you, swearing at you, calling you nasty names and kicking you were just enough to throw that horrific, poor excuse of a woman to jail for a long time. Maybe she was frustrated with her own life and chose to take it out on you; sadly, she never got any help she needed because, unfortunately, no one was helping her. I really hope you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

Apr 16, 2012
Abusive parents
by: Will

Dear Shelia,
Thank you for sharing your story. My mother is so much like this. Mother sexually abused me when I was just a little girl. She told me that I was a wh**e when I asked her to help me after dad raped me. Very angry she was with me and ordered me not to tell. I didn't want her to be upset, and especially with me.As a young girl I took on the false responsibility for my mother's emotional well being. Mother's old now and she's still a strong manipulator and will do and say anything to control. She has many illnesses and I help take care of her. Like your mother, mine has told lies on me that has caused problems within the family. My other siblings have little to nothing to do with her, only I struggle with letting her go. The guilt is what makes the decision difficult but I know that distancing myself from her is the best for me and for her. I became an enabler to my entire family,stepping in carrying all of the burdens and feeling like I was responsible to do that. But I know now that it's the message mother gave to me way back when I was that little girl coming to her for help and being bitterly rejected. Your story Shelia gives me just even more courage to step out and live all of my life without this abuse holding me down, keeping me from being happy and whole. Letting mother go has nothing to do with me loving her less but all to do with me saying I love myself too. You did very good for your mother Shelia, you and your household. That picture makes me feel good inside about what I've given my mother. You gave with a heart of love and you have no reason for guilt. Your purpose was fulfilled. Once again, thank you for sharing your story and may goodness continue to come to you and your household.

Apr 18, 2012
A Mother's abuse of us...
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Anonymous, I must pass along that this particular thread is reserved for encouraging and/or supportive comments to Sheila, the contributor who posted the story above. I've copied & pasted your comments onto my stories page. Given I currently have more than 60 stories in queue to post at this time, expect it to take upwards of a month for it to go live on my site. When it does go live, you will find it under Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed130. Feel free to leave a supportive comment to Sheila. Thank you for your understanding.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Apr 25, 2012
RE: Child Abuse Story From Sheila
by: Zach F.

I find it disgusting the way your mother treated you throughout your life. I think it is terrible that you, as well as several of your siblings, offered your mother a place to live as a gesture of forgiveness, yet she took advantage of your hospitality.
While it is a shame that your mother passed on before you could reconcile, I understand why you were unable to forgive her.

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Child Abuse Story From Aziza

by Aziza
(Washington, USA)

The only thing I remember from my life was abuse. I grow up with my mom,four sisters, one brother for 15 years of my life before I finally became free from my abusive life style. My mom fell in love with a man who I once called my dad, even thou he was not my biological dad he demanded to be called "dad".I started to realize that things became different around the house when I noticed that my brother who was around 7 and is now 23 years old getting treated different from me and my sisters, it was for the worse. My brother was abused not only by my moms boyfriend but also by my mom. My mom was once a good mom I was told by my older sisters, but I don't know anything but abuse, I guess I still block most things out of my life. I watched my brother sleep in the closet for years, his room was the closet, his bathroom was the closet, he did not get to see anything else but that closet unless he was out for more abuse; he wasn't even aloud to go to school, as a matter of fact we were trained to just shut him out of our life completely,no one knew we had a brother. I still can see the scars on his body and how skinny he was from not being able to eat like we did. One day by the grace of god my brother had the will power to pull all of the item that were blocking him in the closet away from the closet, he jumped out of the window and walked to my neighbors house to ask for food, he just wanted to eat and go back in the closet. My neighbor knew that something was wrong and called the police. Later that day my brother was taken and put in foster care which left me and my sisters still in that home. Soon the abuse started happening to me. What I didn't know was that my 2 oldest sisters were already getting abused physically, emotionally and sexually from 6yrs-18. I started getting touch and raped from 13-15. It was so hard to face so I just never told anyone for a long time. I finally told my mom at some point but she for some reason she didn't save us, my mom said she believed me but she still didn't save us and it still hurts till this day. I can still remember getting woken up 3 or 4 times a week by him asking me to come in his room. It started to get harder and harder everyday because it was either my two older sisters taking the abuse or me. I finally started to give up on life and go crazy. I still have scars on my arm till this day from when I cut myself, I just could't take it anymore the house was so dark and sad, the only time it seem to shine was when my moms boyfriend was out of the house, that's the only time we felt comfortable enough to wear clothes that we wanted instead of putting things on that were baggy so he would't stare at our growing bodies so much. He only left because he was a drug dealer too. My oldest sister tried protecting us as much as she could, in fact she got a lot of the abuse for sticking up for my mom and us. My oldest sister was the one who got me and my two younger sisters removed from the house and into foster care in 2005. She ran away to join the military leaving us for over 2 months but would talk to us over through email telling us that she was going to get us out. One day detectives came to my school and pulled me and my younger sisters out and into child protective services. Being in foster care was really hard because no matter what my mom did she was my mom and she and my siblings were all I knew. We finally had a court day in 2008, it took 3 years to get one but it happened. My moms boyfriend got more than 35 years of prison for 7 different counts. But what he took from my family couldn't amount up to what he is facing. I am 22 years old and still scared till this day but just taking it one day at a time. I am just thankful that I was one of the survivors and we were removed before my two youngest sisters got touched. Thank you for reading.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Aziza

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May 22, 2012
Aziza:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted this abuser of a man is now in prison for his criminal acts against you. He can no longer harm you or your sisters or anyone else while he's locked away from society. I'm surprised your mother didn't get charged and convicted as well. It is disturbing that Child Protective Services chose not to act to remove the remaining children from the home after your brother was discovered severely abused. The system certainly failed you and your sisters by not removing your from the abusive environment. You now have much healing to do. Just know that what happened was not your fault. Don't ever judge the choices you did and did not make. You were a child without the benefit of any rights in that environment. You were controlled by two people who had all the power, two people who were sick and twisted, deeply troubled. If you aren't already seeing a professional, I do hope you'll seek out some form of counselling or therapy. You didn't deserve to be abused. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Aziza. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 23, 2012
Thank you!
by: Aziza

Thank you for taking the time out to read my story. I felt a little better after letting some of my hurt out and into the air.

Dec 12, 2012
How is your brother?
by: Anonymous

Aziza, how is our brother? My heart bleeds for you and your siblings. Please tell me how you are doing now. I hope I can also hear about how our brother is doing. I hope you and your sisters check on him and make sure his foster parents are treating him well. God bless you and your siblings. Be strong, God is always watching over you. Remember that there is a reason for everything.

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Child Abuse Story From Danny For My Sis

by Danny
(Newcastle, United Kingdom)

i have been thinking about this a few times the past few months or so but my sisters never said anything about it though but my big sis had a bf years ago that youst to look after me and my other sis which was about 7 other times before this time and about 7 again after. when he looked after us one time i was sort of being a pest keep coming into my sisters room from mine and in the end he said i could sleep @ the bottom if i go to sleep which after he carried my sis into my room but closed the door and i fell asleep after about 10 mins of them not coming back and wondering why the point was and what was so special that i had to be away and i obviously no more about perverts now and i was wondering if my sis was touched up which actually makes me angry and would like to no as she seems ok :/




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 19, 2012
Danny:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Not everyone who has been sexually abused exhibits outward signs of it. Many who have been abused show no outward signs at all. It is up to your sister to open up about this, and it's quite possible she has repressed any memory, so broaching the subject with her is not advisable. After all, it's you who wants to know; and it's up to HER. Be ready to be supportive in any way you can if she ever comes to you or you learn that she has this kind of abuse in her background. Be ready to share with her what you are aware of. And don't blame your Self, Danny, if something did happen. Blame is on the abuser. Always. I send you and your sister love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Kimberly

by Kimberly
(Ohio, USA)

Remembering when the abuse started is hard, but around five years was the age that I have my first memory of my father's mental abuse. You see, I always had a voice that could carry. I was punished through humiliation that day. "If you wanna cry and scream then go out in the front yard and yell and cry as LOUD as you can!" My dad comanded. "MOVE MOVE MOVE!" Like a drill sargent. There I stood in front of the whole nieghborhood, made to force out some loud and pathetic crying. Making fun of me when I was crying or expressing my feelings was another responce he would give while "parenting". Public humiliation wasn't the only abuse. Once he tried to teach me a lesson by convincing me that I tried to kill my own brother. My two brothers and I were about ages 3, 4, and I was about 5. It was bed time and dad was resentful about having to be left as our caretaker. I pulled the covers out from under my brother who was standing on the bed. Like a five year old, "Get OFF!" I yelled. Yanked the blanket and down he went. Hit his head on the hard bare floor. Here he comes! The monster is fuming. "WHATS GOING ON?!" After getting off the phone with the doctor I heard him yelling close to my face. "You tried to kill your brother!" "You wanted him dead didn't you?" Meanwhile knowing the whole time that the doctor told him my brother was probly gonna be fine. He always made a huge ordeal out of any injury even slight. He would send all of us kids to one of the bedrooms while the injured party was with him. I couldn't see that my little brother was up and unharmed. Other than a bump. I realy thought I killed him.

Justifying my experiences as abuse was hard for me. My father loved me and his family. I knew that, but there was no denial when I realised, through counceling, that him chasing me into the next room while popping his eyes out and turning beet red, and shaking, he was cabable of physical abuse too. I knew he had picked me up and thrown me from the doorway onto my bed before. I watched my dad tie my brother's feet together and make him stand with a baseball glove and catch the speeding throws he hurled at him. Why? Because the youngest brother complained that the older brother was throwing too hard. This wasn't everything, but enough to illustrate what went on till I moved out when I was 19. Thinking of myself as abused was hard because it wasn't nearly as severe as others had endured. It did explain why I would not see myself as very valuable and moved right into an abusive marriage. Two years into that. I have since forgiven my dad because I needed to be released from the effects of bitterness. He never admitted that he handled things wrong and my brothers still arent able to forgive.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kimberly

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Apr 01, 2012
Kimberly:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

So many people do not realize that child abuse isn't only physical or sexual. Emotional child abuse comes in many forms. Your father ruled with an iron first and with terror. He terrorized you and your brothers; and that left you paralyzed with fear, and with residual consequences that you took with you well into adulthood...that's not at all uncommon. The fact that you've forgiven your father in order to be released from the bitterness is admirable. I commend you for that. I will offer this...when you say that your father never admitted that he handled things wrong, it reminds me of when I was 18 and 19 years old. I too had "forgiven" my abusers, especially my mother who was the worst of the offenders between my parents. Then, when I went into therapy about 5 years later, I learned that what I thought was forgiveness was actually making excuses for what my parents had done to me so that I could avoid the pain I was really feeling. In my case, I wasn't yet ready to truly forgive. I had to work through the pain and the emotions and allow my Self to truly hate because that's what I was feeling and experiencing. I had to give my Self permission to feel what I was feeling. Once I allowed my Self to fully feel those previously out-of-bounds emotions, a wonderful thing happened: they let me go. I didn't let them go...they let ME go. And then I was free to truly forgive. The reason I bring this up, Kimberly, is because you mentioned that your father hasn't owned up to his part in all this. Whether or not you've actually forgiven is not for me to say or judge. I can only comment on what you've written. Your father may not be capable or willing to see things as you do. It is for this reason I do not advocate for confrontations: They are generally wracked with denials and minimizations or worst, the finger of blame is pointed in the direction of the victim, which brings on further victimization. Forgiveness for your father's inability or unwillingness to see his part and the error of his ways requires that you allow your Self to fully feel the betrayal in all that. Only then will his inability or unwillingness to admit to responsibility finally let you go. As for your brothers, they are on their own journey. Live your life with LOVE, and then you can be an example that they can choose to use within their own lives. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kimberly.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Apr 02, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Kimberly, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a dad and allow him to abuse and berate you 24/7...how dare she! that's not even discipline; that's just torture. The path that he and your mom chose is inexcusable. Oh, and throwing you across the room, berating you, terrorizing you, humiliating you and even tying your brother's feet together (and then throwing something at said brother too hard)...that isn't even about love; that's just all about power and control.

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Child Abuse Story From Katie

by Katie
(Sicily, Italy)

I thought that I was the luckiest girl in the world, with loving parents and a great home. This feeling stopped when my mom died. (I was 14). Although my father happily remarried a great person...I didn't realize that so I moved out. Within the first year I found that I didn't have enough money to eat and I didn't have any experience in any type of career to get a job so I decided to just go home. When I returned home instead of the "I'm so glad you're safe" hug, I was shoved to the floor and beaten. When I turned around to see who had beaten me I realized that it was my father but something was different, he was drunk. I couldnt move out again so I still to this day I face the torture of my drunk father. I'm now 16 and I'm not sure what to do with my life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 27, 2012
Katie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father is clearly troubled and taking his anger and rage out on you, especially when he's been drinking. You don't deserve to be mistreated, Katie. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. None of what's happening is your fault. You are not to blame. Your father is the one to shoulder the responsibility. I don't have a hotline number for where you live, so I can only suggest you check your local listings for any resources that might be available to you, including women's groups. Consider talking to a trusted adult, perhaps a teacher or counsellor at school, or a church elder, or the parents of a friend. No matter what happens, treat your Self with the dignity and respect and love you deserve; and part of that means staying in school and developing friendships and doing all you can to develop the wonderful potential within you. You're worthy of all that. As for what to do with your life, make a list of all the things that excite you, things you're passionate about, and then set out to do what makes those passions come alive. I send you love, light and healing energy, Katie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 27, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Katie, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 2 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.


Jun 27, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Katie, your dad has serious problems and he needs help, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Aug 20, 2012
worsening
by: Katie

There is no one in my life that I trust enough to get help from so the problem got a bit worse. I started cutting myself last month and I was strongly thinking about killing myself.

Aug 24, 2012
....
by: Just me

Protect yourself as best you can. 20 years later i still cut or scratch myself. You have a future, you have value, never forget this.

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Child Abuse Story From Shirin

by Shirin
(Middle East)

I'm a Middle East professional woman. Sorry if my English writing is not very good, but I think it's necessary to share my story with other victims to find a solution preventing it in future. I was 8 years old beautiful girl. All family gathered together for a ceremony. I slept sooner than others and in midnight I woke up because I felt something on my body. I was abused by my young uncle, the one that I liked him very much before this. I turned with a sudden movement and stood up but showed that I did not know what he did to me and went to toilet and found myself wet. I was shocked and went back to sleep but beside my mother and maked an excused to my uncle that I'm afraid and want my mother and he told me that's ok. I went beside my mom so afraid and shocked. I did not tell my story to anybody. It happened to me one time but destroyed my private life. 2 years later my cousins abused me 3 times. I felt I'm a bad girl that men like to do these bad things to me. I was always number one in school but an isolated, depressed very quiet girl that in my culture it will be appreciated. Nobody thought why I'm so quiet. I never played normally with other children and I was not interested to play childish games. I remember when I was 8 or 9 walking in street I was thinking that everybody knows I'm a bad girl and may be they saw my picture in newspaper as a bad girl that his uncle did that to her and because of that I felt shy and could not watch people. I grew up with this heavy thoughts and until 18 I was always waiting for a unexpected pregnancy, because I did not have knowledge of pregnancy, because in my country it was not accessible to get these information as a unmarried girl those days and I was so shy girl that could not ask anyone, on the other hand I thought if I ask one they may be find that victim is I. After going to University and learn more by university education finally I found that I lost 10 years of my life, both childish and teenager period because of restricted environment of my country and not knowing about these things. I beared this heavy secret with me 10 years with thinking I may get pregnant because of what happened to me at 8. I focused on my courses and hated men and marriage forever. I graduated in very high degree of my profession and tried to cure myself. After 33 I tried to trust men and environment. I tried to make friend with men but all my relations got wrong way. Even because I wanted to release my mind thinking as a victim of abuse I made sexual relationship but not deeply. After this I felt a little bit better and after 4 times make friendship and relationship with men I found it now I can rely to a man but now I'm not at usual age of marriage and I finally feel I'll be alone forever. Now as a University professor and very qualified in my career, I'm alone. I’ve always been at service of my poor family because I thought I can forgive them for not caring me enough, to prevent what happened to me. But now at the end of my story I hate first of all my mom, then my uncle, cousins, and my dad. Even I think to suicide because I feel I'm not normal because I'm not married. Almost everybody around me is married at my age and has children.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 04, 2012
Shirin:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The patriarchal society you live in, the way your country thinks of and treats women, the traditions of the Middle East, all set you up for abuse and for the secrecy that you felt had to follow and for the self-blame. You were not a "bad" girl. Blame and shame and guilt lies squarely on the shoulders of those who abused you. None of what happened was your fault. None of it. Always remember that your worth is not tied into whether or not you are married or whether or not you have children. Your self worth is tied into Who You Really Are, which is so much deeper than what you might look like or what your status is. I do hope you have access to some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured as a child. You deserve that kind of help, Shirin. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 05, 2012
I'm so sorry...
by: AnonymousT

..because you're not American..or western I don't know what to say.
The thing is, every thought you've had as a survivor is normal. All survivors think like this. Even if they understand their courses and pregnancy, the shame still exists.
The problem is, in western society we've made strides toward ending the shame because we want so badly for the victims to be heard and become survivors. So the shame is the same...but the therapy or healing is different.

All I can tell you as a fellow woman is to do what is right for you. Be true to yourself and honest with yourself. Do not do things that will hurt your mind, body or spirit. Do things that lift you higher and give you a deeper sense of you & who you are.

I don't know what happens if you seperate yourself from your family. I don't understand the consequences. I don't know what happens if you meet a man who has very traditional middle eastern views. All I know is I'm happiest when I listen to my heart.

Peace to you & best wishes.
T

Apr 09, 2012
Stronger and more worth loving than you think
by: Elaine Ellis

Dear Shirin,
It's a sad truth that, no matter how far we believe we have advanced into the 21st Century, the rights of women worldwide still lag far behind those of men.
Here in the UK, women (Suffragettes) fought so hard at the turn of the 20th Century to get votes and rights for women. But years later women still get less pay at work, and still have to worry about child rearing versus career. Women still get treated as "sex objects" - there just to look pretty and attract men. Many women in the UK still do not concentrate on their qualifications and careers, instead they just feel they have to get married as soon as possible, and have children. This puts them in a bad situation, often having to rely on a man to provide everything in life for them. Without a man, they have no home, no money, no food, etc.
YOU are a strong woman, from a culture where strong women are not always understood and valued the way they ought to be. YOU have survived abuse, and have fought hard to make the best of yourself, and to live a good life. YOU have worked hard at University, and have achieved (something that even some men find hard to do).
I understand just what it feels like to have suffered abuse in the past - abuse that makes you feel "dirty" and "bad" and "to blame". I often ask myself if I deserved it, as some of the abuse I suffered was sexual, too.
Abuse makes you feel things about yourself that are NOT TRUE. You may ask things like "what will people think?" As a victim of sexual abuse, you may wonder whether any man could ever treat you with care, affection and respect. It is natural to be fearful of men in this situation, and to find it hard to relate to people in general. many have not been through what YOU went through - so you may well ask if they could ever understand.
This website is full of people who have been through similar experiences. Read some stories, and you will see an amazing number of ways that people have found help them cope. People CAN rebuild their lives after abuse, even if it can be a long, hard process.
DON'T EVER GIVE UP. AND DON'T TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU WILL NEVER MEET THE RIGHT MAN.
Nobody knows what will happen to them next. People can find love no matter what age (I didn't get married until I was 38). You are bright, strong, intelligent, hard working - these are all qualities that a good person would want to love. Be happy, start living your life, concentrate on the bits of it that are going well - the bits that you feel in control of. Make them as good as you can - be proud of achieving, and enjoy yourself. That way, you can learn to love YOURSELF. Then, you might find that it is easier to open up to love from others.

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Child Abuse Story From Megan

by Megan
(USA)

This story did not happen to me but to my mom and my friend that iv known since kindergarden. My friends story comes first. She told not to tell any one so i wont say her name but we were walking back from school one day and she told me that shes not too excited to go home because her dad was home and i siad ehy and she said her dad beats her with belts and wires and she showed me some of her bruzes. So i want to know if i should report it to some one or just tell her to do somthing about it? My moms helpless story is next. My mom has deppresion off and on and she told me why so here it goes. One day my mom was drinking while listening to loud music and she told me why and said when she was a little girl her parents adopted her out and her step father raped her every day and yhe step mom did nothing to stop it so when my mom was ateen ager im not sure when ,she ran away. She had to go into foster care and was very troubled she told me no more then tgis and she began to cry alot she said i am very lucky i have good loving parents. She made me feel very sad for her and i think about it now and tgen and it makes me cry and every time she talks about it i try to change the subjext but i feel.its not enough so im wondering what i should do to help her not think about so much.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 09, 2012
Meghan:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You cannot help your mother. She has to make the choice to help herself. You are still the child; she is the adult. It's up to HER to get the help she needs, but because she has disclosed to you what happened to her in her childhood, you now feel responsible for her. But you're not responsible for her. SHE'S responsible for YOU. As for your friend, you have an obligation to help her by contacting a hotline and sharing what you either know or suspect, because she's still a minor. Don't keep that secret, Meghan, even if you promised. There are some things that we simply cannot keep secret. You must do what you must in order to help your friend stay safe. I strongly recommend you contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you know and suspect about your friend, and about how you're now affected by what your mother disclosed to you. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

I send you, your friend and your mother love, light and healing energy, Meghan. Thank you for sharing with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 10, 2012
Be confident
by: Rita M

Hi Megan
I am sorry for what your mother has gone through.
I know that by the way you speak of your mother you really love her.However as a child you need to experience your childhood the way you're are supposed to be.You obvioualy are a comfort to your mother,she loves you too.The main thing here
is that your mother needs to treat you as a daughter and have a good relationship with you.
She can seek for councelling free of charge and go to therapists that are very well trained in helping adults that have gone through a very hard life when they were young.They know how to get to the deepest hurts and help adults to understand trust and that the memories will still remain but the hurts can go away.Maybe you can talk to your mother and help her to understand how you feel when she tells you things about when she was alittle girl.Maybe tell her that you want to feel happy with her as you are growing up.Try to have her understand that it would make you happy to see her feeling better and that you don't want her to feel sad anymore.Tell her
you have heard that there is councelling for adults who have had a hard time when they were young. You can also tell that it makes you feel good seeing her happy and that you would like to help her but you just can't.Just encourage her to go for councelling because and that you love her and want her to go for help.Now for your friend
you have to realize that abuse is not a secret and
that you must tell the child services that you have a friend that is being abused and that you have seen bruises.You could save her from danger and also save her life.I would like to suggest that you can speak to a teacher in school and share your concerns.Teachers have to take note of abuse of anykind and report.This may be a bit scary but it is more frightening just knowing that if something did happen and you didn't reach out and get her help and she was seriously injured.I'm not trying to make you feel guilty but you need to understand that when a friend comes to you she trusts you and is scared and it is a serious cry for help.She wants you to help her but fear is what is in the way.You seem like a very caring person and that is why she came to you.You don't have to tell her that you have told
someone about the abuse.Also as you are reporting you can also request that you remain anonymous.That is also safe for you.You are so brave to mention these things and I know it must make you feel nervous.I commend you for saying something.Just go in confidence.God bless.
Rita M

Jul 17, 2012
Talk with your friend
by: Anonymous

Someone suggested you should get help for your friend even though you promised her not to tell anyone. Maybe You can carefully bring up that topic again and discuss with her how she can get help. You might even discuss your moms problems with your friend but I agree with others that your mom has to seek help herself.

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Child Abuse Story From Sherri

by Sherri
(Alabama, USA)

I was about 6 years old when this happened to me, I don't remember too much about it, but my uncle says that I have blocked out everything at that time in my life. I didn't know that can actually happen. I didn't know that something so bad can happen to someone that they put a wall up around them themselves. Then it happened again when I was about 16, by the same man.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 18, 2012
Sherri:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You did not specify what type of abuse, but I gather you're referring to sexual abuse. Either way, I am no longer in a position to answer visitor questions. However, I did respond to a similar post a few years ago. Please go to the following for my response to Bernadette on this same issue: No memory of childhood - is this common. I send you love, light and healing energy, Sherri. Thank you for sharing with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 18, 2012
Sherri,
by: AnonymousT

It is common.

Our body/mind allows us to remember when we're ready. Maybe we're safe, have kids of our own, maybe we hit our 30's...who knows what triggers the remembering.

Be patient. Be safe.

T

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Child Abuse Story From Courtney

by Courtney
(Kentucky, USA)

Im still young and still have alot of life ahead of me, but that life has been cut down alot and things are completely different now. I was 6, about to turn 7, when my mom first got back together with her ex boyfriend. After almost 2 years he started acting weird. Always being around me and stuff. Well i used to go downstairs in my mom and his room and watch movies all the time at night until one night he started to touch me. I was like 9, and ive been told countless times i shouldve known better by that age but i didnt know what to do. I let it go on too long, being bribed or threatened everytime i kept my mouth shut. Eventually he used force. I was held down and had my clothes ripped off, i forced myself off of the bed head first and hurt myself pretty badly, i grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom and decided it was time to tell my mom. I finally told her the next day and she immediately called my sister, i packed what i could and she came and got me. I lived with her for 3 months. The first 2, it was just me, the last month my mom lived there. Eventaully my mom bought a trailer and we moved in, she still doesnt fully believe me because he denys it but she does to an extent. I dont know where life is going to take me and i dont know what it will be like in the future but i resent my mom for the way she is doing things. She still brings him around. She still sees him and is going back to him when i move out. I have a son now, his real dad isnt around much and it sucks and it just adds more stress on me, but at the same time he helps me manage through each day. Its hard having the same guy around but i dont judge my mom for wanting to be with him. Its the love of her life, shes pretty old and was with him since she was a teenager they just broke up in between. I hate what shes doing but i understand that she doesnt know what to believe. Im the one who chose not to call the cops or get them involved. I dont wanna go through court and all the stupid stuff and relive those moments in front of total strangers. I can deal with the way things are now for one more year, but after that, im moving far far away from the state of kentucky.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 23, 2012
Courtney:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's absurd that anyone would expect that you as a 9-year-old would know how to stop what was happening. Even adolescents don't know how to stop sexual abuse. Please stop blaming your Self. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. The man is a pedophile. He was the adult, you were the child. HE was the one who took advantage of your vulnerabilities and youth. He was the one who "groomed" both you and your mother. And now your mother is still having a relationship with a pedophile. As your mother, it's her job to keep you safe. And though she sent you away from this pedophile, she has betrayed you by still seeing him. Unless and until she wakes up to the fact that the "love of her life" is a pedophile, she will put other children at risk and show you that she chose him over you. As a mother now yourself, recognize that your child must come first, and that even the possibility of wrong-doing by someone against your child means a line must be drawn in the sand. I do hope you'll seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what happened to you. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Courtney. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 23, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Courtney, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 2 comments from this particular commenter here because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her.

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Child Abuse Story From Jesika

by Jesika
(California, USA)

I suffered a horrible childhood my dad died when I was 6 years old and after that my mom became an drug addict. She got a new boyfriend who would abuse me and kick me across the hallway and my mom would deny it. Then she invited her friend to stay with us and he fingered me it hurt so bad and he would jackoff in front of me I would yell for my mom but no one would come I'm scared and helpless. I got tooken away from my mom I now live with my aunt and I'm 15 I just feel depressed now and sometimes suicidal.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 10, 2012
Jesika:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Always remember that what happened to you was not your fault. You were abused by your mother's boyfriend, and betrayed and abandoned by her. Your mother shirked her responsibility and neglected you. She did not keep you safe; in fact, she put you in danger. I hope you are now in a safe environment with your aunt. You said you are depressed and suicidal. You don't want to die, Jesika. What you want is to be out of pain. At 15, you want things to be different. You want to be loved by your mother. The reality is that your mother is sick and incapable of being a mother to you. This is not a reflection on you; it's a reflection of HER terrible problems. Talk to your aunt about the way you're feeling. Reach out for any and all help that's available to you, including counselling. Treat your Self with kindness and dignity and respect and love. You are not flawed, Jesika. You're perfect just as you are. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you are experiencing and feeling. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You ARE lovable. You ARE worthy. And I for one am so glad you're still here. The world needs people like you in it. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 10, 2012
Healing
by: Rita M

Dear Jesika
I am sorry for what you went through.You didn't
deserve that kind of treatment from your mother and her partner.They were not responsible parents
in any way.You suffered from neglect and rejection,and betrayal.I just want you to know that it wasn't your fault.No child asks for abuse.
Children need attention and need to be heard held
and loved and spoken to with love.I just want to say that I am very proud of you for telling your
story.I want you to realize how strong you are because you are talking about it,and I am proud of you.Suicide is not a way out.You are still very young and have a life ahead of you.I was a
battered child and carried the pain for many years.I came to realize that there is therapy and
that someone would hear me in a safe enviroment.
Therapists are very well trained to hear you and
understand yo.They help you to get in touch with your true feelings no matter what they are.It's not what you want to hold in ,it's what you want to bring out.Abuse has no value.You can fill that
space with good healthy thought and healthy activities.If you hold it all in you become depressed and unhealthy in many ways.You can give yourself a chance to live and be happy if you get
all the bad feelings out.It is work but it is also
very rewarding.You are at a really good age where
you can turn things around.The sooner you do this
the sooner you will be healthy.The abusers should
feel the pain they put on you.They should feel the pain not you.You will still have the memories
but you won't hurt any more.If you get the therapy you will be free from all the anger.Talk to the therapists and ask if you can charge these
people.You are a worthy person with strength you don't realize you have.I wish I got the help I needed when I was at your age.I carried the pain around for a long time.I am healthy now andI haave boundries and I care for myself in many ways.I was taught that caring for myself was being selfish but it isn't.When you are older and you have had all the help you will be able to confront your mother and tell her how you felt when you were hurt.Life is a gift and I hope you take advantage of all the help you can get and still be anger free with no hurts left inside of you.Think about what you want to put in that space
instead of the hurts.It is fun to just sit and meditate and write healthy goals and reward you self.Why?BECAUSE YOU ARE WELL WORTH IT! May God Bless you.
Rita M

Apr 10, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Jesika, first of all, my condolences to your dad. Second of all, I can't believe your mom would abandon you to that sick, sadistic monster of a boyfriend and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that beast as well as her sick pervert of a friend! Oh, and say no to suicide because suicide is a permanent mistake to many temporary problems; doing so will only let them win, so don't do it! I'm glad your aunt is with you now because she is so sweet for doing that; I hope you talk to her and try counselling.

Apr 11, 2012
Jesika,
by: AnonymousT

How you were treated was wrong. It is no reflection of who you are as a person, you never deserved that.
The way you feel is normal when trying to deal with something so hurtful. We don't have the coping skills needed to get past our feelings of sadness, hurt or anger.

My advice is to talk with a school counselor, read books about healing after abuse and to try and put as much energy as you can in school.

Sounds silly I know. But one, you'll be talking & that's important. Two, you'll be educating yourself about abuse & understanding your feelings. Three, school can be a great distraction. It can be tough but sometimes a challenge is good. And school leads to opportunities.

It's common to want to quit. But you are brave, I can feel it.

I wish you strength and luck.
T

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Child Abuse Story From Martha

by Martha
(Alberta, Canada)

I am a First Nation older woman. I have been mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abuse by teens and adults. I do not recall being sexually abuse when I was a toddler; however, by insight I was by my uncle. The flashbacks I had started at age 7 years old; however, the abuse might have started earlier than that. I have been abused by various people, my uncles, my grandfather, a priest, a doctor, and people that I thought were safe.
My late uncle was a serious pedophile. He would corner me and would touch me and I would struggle. We would play outside with other children and he manage to have his big dogs to try to mount me while he held me. I fought and he would let go with his sick laughter.
My grandfather would mentally sexually abuse my thoughts by using dollar bills of the queen as a vagina and tell me this is it..
My grandfather would throw me against the wall if he slightly grew angry at everything. He would tell me I was stupid.
My uncle's brother in law raped me at 14 years old, alone in the car in the middle of no where.
A priest from the residential school sexually touched me when no one was around.
A doctor whom I had known since I was a child tried to kiss me and I ran from his office.
A gynecoglist touched my clitoris while examining me and never said a word.
I have gone into therapy by going to group counselling, individual concounselling and spoke to whom ever will hear my story.
I have turned to drugs, and alcohol when I was 17 but turned my life over with a lot of dysfunctional emotions.
I gained BA/BED and a Masters. I am open to conversation to this type of treatment and feel for others who are still going through this process. As you see, it still happens on First Nations reserves and it is not spoken about. First Nation children need to be protected and have their stories told.




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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Martha

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May 02, 2012
Martha:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There are many healing modalities for victims of child abuse. Opening up to speak about what happened, no longer keeping the secret(s), is the way to begin the process. Secrets, staying quiet, are the culprits. When we bury what happened, the effects fester within us, haunt us, and consume us. And we're worthy of better than that; YOU'RE worthy of better than that. I strongly recommend you seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the repercussions of having endured abuse on so many levels by so many offenders and abusers. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And I couldn't agree with you more: First Nations children MUST be protected, people (children and adults alike) MUST speak out and be heard. I send you love, light and healing energy, Martha. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 02, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Martha, what a sick, sadistically insane, deluded family that you had to beat, torture and offend you 24/7...how dare they! They, along with the so-called doctors and priest, are helpless bullies who chose to use your youths and vulnerabilities for their sadistic gratification instead of simply helping themselves/changing their dysfunctional ways of life. However, don't try to help them; try helping yourself instead; it's up to them to want help. Oh, and they're wrong. You're not stupid; you're smart and articulate, so never believe any of those lies that they called you. Oh, and raping you, throwing you against the wall and torturing you are just enough to throw those horrific, poor excuse of human beings to jail for a long time. They are acting like little 1-year-olds trapped in grown-up and teenage bodies alike because they're stuck in their own childhood. Oh, and making jokes about making big dogs mount you really shows me how uneducated and ignorant they really are. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their sick, perverted misery. You are not to blame for their sadistic behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power, which they chose to misuse over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, that you stay in therapy, and that you look into reporting those sadistic beasts because perverts don't change their ways until they're made to stop.

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Child Abuse Story From Joey F

by Joey F
(Indiana, USA)

I was 14 years old in 1982, and my dream was for my Dad to come home. He and Mom had been divorced for several years, and he went to Arizona, taking 2 of my Sisters with him. When I saw him walk through our front door, I went right to him. I wasn't running fast, I was flying low!! I knocked him over with this massive bear hug and he hugged me back and told me all about how much he loved me and missed me and was happy to see me. My dream had come true! XD XD XD A few days later, on our way to Arizona in a little 6'X8' camper the dream became a nightmare. We were always parked off the highway in some remote part of the desert, and there was rarely food or clean water or even a change of clothes. Everyone was absolutely miserable. No one laughed or smiled or played. Mom was always "out of it" because she didn't have her Schizophrenia medicine. The beatings were constant. What I never disclosed to my Mom or Sisters, even to this day was the beatings while Dad and I were "exploring the desert", which were much worse than the ones at "home". One night while dragging me out of the camper, my youngest Sister, J-- grabbed my hand. I looked in her eyes and knew the situation. I was the only thing standing between my family--Mom and Sisters--and this monster. If I let him hit me at least he's not hitting anyone else. One day, he looped his leather belt and hit me in the eye so many times it broke a blood vessel and the blood ran all the way to the pupil. When I told him I might go blind in that eye all he said was "I don't care." At another point he put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me.

The sleep deprivation got pretty bad. He would keep me awake all night and under a lot of stress asking math questions that if I didn't get them right he would hit me again. The brain doesn't function well under stress, so I was always getting them wrong. Sometimes he just spend the time explaining in no uncertain terms how I'm a piece of s**t and he divorced Mom because of me.

Eventually one of my Sisters was so upset over what she was witnessing that she ran away. That night, I went to go find her. Not to bring her back, but to make sure she was OK.

After the abuse ended, life was never the same again. I was constantly angry, depressed,and self loathing. Other kids in school picked up on it and I became the butt of their jokes. Sometimes even a teacher would make fun of me. At that point, I started playing a game of chance with a whole other monster. I would stand on train tracks and watch the train bear down. Sometimes it got to within 2 or 3 seconds.

The screaming in the head was unbearable. I started smoking and taking Ephedrine to see how fast I can get my heart going before it killed me. I got it up to 240 BPM--That works out to 4 beats/second. I should've died. I *wanted* to die. Dad did all of that to my family to get to me. "If you never existed my family would've been happy." "You don't deserve to be loved." "Nobody can love you." Every day I wanted to cry my eyes out, but all I could do was scream and kick and hit things.

I'm 44 years old, and I still have a lot of issues. I can't talk to my family about it and I have no close friends. I never had a GF, and I absolutely refuse to have children (Break The Cycle).

A lot of blank spaces--a lot of what happened on those walks I can't even remember. I'm not sure I want to.

I recently remembered what my Dad's face looked like, and it just brought all of this up again.

Even now I'm a 14 year old boy that loves his Dad ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((that much)))))))))))))))))))))))))))). I just wish he could love me back. :( :( :( :( :( :(




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Joey F

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May 19, 2012
Joey:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father hates HIMSELF and took that hatred out on you. You were a vulnerable young man, and he betrayed you in the worse possible way after abandoning you when you were even younger. And your mother abandoned you when you needed her most. What's important to understand now, Joey, is that you realize this sick and twisted man told you all the things he felt about himself. None of them were about you. They were lies about you. None of them were true. None of them are true. You ARE worthy. You DO matter. You ARE lovable. Question the man's sanity, don't question your worthiness. No sane person does what he did to you. The love you desperately wanted from your father is still being held over your head...by you. You're enamored with the idea of the father who hugged you back as a 14-year-old, a 14-year-old who was desperate for that response, a 14-year-old who deserved that response. Give your Self what you never got from your dad. Give your Self the dignity and respect and LOVE you so deserve. You really are worth it. And please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with all the effects you've been left with. You deserve that kind of help. Don't allow what your deeply disturbed father did to you take away the man you are intended to be. It's now up to YOU. I send you love, light and healing energy, Joey. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 19, 2012
Can you tell me
by: Skruff

You have a very special knowledge. [I wish I knew] how to reach children like you were.

In 1982 the government and private agencies spent an unprecedented amount of money advertising their services. We had ads for the Covenant House (NY) 9-line, Cardinal McCloskey, The Switchboard in D.C. Boys Town in (NE), Bridge Over Troubled Waters in Boston, The Community Advancement Program in Framingham, Harry's House in Worcester (MA), H.O.M.E in Bucksport (ME), Children's Farm Home in (OR), Youth Law in San Fran, Bread in Seattle, (WA) Bonnie Brae in Millington (N.J), Good Shepard in Austin (TX) D.R.C. in Flint (MI) and I'm just scratching the surface. They all advertised, they all were good at crisis intervention (not so hot on long term plans) but you didn't call any of these places.

I [wish I knew] how professionals should attempt to reach children in the situation you were in in 1982. We advertised in subway stations, in gas stations along the highway, in camp grounds, in veterinary offices on T.V., radio, and in schools, in hotels, motels, restaurants, we had billboards, we leafleted literary thousands of parking lots, We had ads in movie theaters, on the back of Pizza boxes, on milk cartons and in every type of public transportation vehicle.. We even posted signs in restrooms. The 9-line # was in just about every pay-phone kiosk on the East coast.

[If we knew how to reach children like you were] it could save a life.

From Darlene - Webmaster: Skruff, I know you want to help others who are in the same situation as Joey. Your article on this site shows me what kind of a caring and compassionate person you really are. Having said that, I have to be very careful about the comments that I allow here, especially since so many who write their stories are still very vulnerable. I do not permit commenters to ask questions of the submitter because I want visitors to feel this place is a safe haven. Any comment that even minutely appears to contain something judgmental can cause a great deal of pain. Therefore, I've taken a couple of liberties with your comment, without changing your intent. I will also say that fear is a very powerful energy that sometimes prevents even the strongest of us to act in our own best interest. It's not at all unusual for those living in fear to act in a way that is counterproductive to their needs. especially children. Sending you love, light and healing energy, Skruff.

May 19, 2012
Such cruelty
by: Anonymous

Joey, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to that sick monster of a dad and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! He's deeply troubled. Oh, and he's wrong too. You're not a "piece of s***; you are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect. You're not unlovable; you are lovable...and thank goodness you survived! Beating you, popping a blood vessel in your eye with a leather belt, keeping you up all night (and torturing you over math questions) and even threatening to kill you with a knife were just enough to throw that horrific, poor excuse of a man to prison for a long time!!!

May 23, 2012
Thank You Very Much
by: Joey F

Thank You for your kind words Darlene and Anonymous and Skruff :)

I would like to reply to Skruff for just a moment...

The reasons I didn't call anyone for help were simply I wasn't aware that there was someone to call. We were parked way out in the desert much of the time and Dad very closely supervised us whenever we went in to town. As well, I was in a severe state of shock and worried for my family as well. Dad really wasn't very stable and I didn't know how he would react to me suddenly missing...maybe hit my Mom or Sisters?

Regarding Mom not standing up to Dad, she is severely Schizophrenic, and barely hangs on to reality even with her medication. Without her Meds, she's essentially a vegetable. I never blamed her and never will. She and my Sisters were all victims as well just in different ways.

What Dad did *Dad* did. He needs to own it.

Again, thank you for your kindness...

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Child Abuse Story From Kipper

by Kipper
(Location Undisclosed)

Before my parents death I was the happiest kid alive. Playing with my friends, watching Children’s shows and singing songs with my parents.
My whole world came crashing down, one night when I was being baby sited.
"Hey, Kipper, do you want to play a game?" Our babysitter, I forget her name, asked.
"Yeah!" I nodded however the phone ran and the babysitter, having the permission to answer the phone, ran up to go and grab it.
I was then told the sad news, that my parents where dead. They had been killed in a car crash and I was instructed too collect a suitcase of my things.

I was only 6 at the time. When my parents died. I was forced to move in with my Aunt to which I referred to as "Miss" and uncle to whom I referred to as "Sir".
My childhood ended, then and there. as I was now "The boy" or "Rat" or "Slave" instead of kipper the brave knight who chased my father (The dragon) around the green garden as the sun-set, and was rewarded with a smile by my mother with some of her freshly baked cookies or cakes and a glass of milk.

I was beaten with a whip or belt, caged, Starved and forced to do every chore imaginable!

Here where some of the rules which I now had to obey:

1. No speaking when not asked a question
2. Don’t look us in the eye
3. No complaining, crying, laughing or sign of emotion
4. No playing or having fun
5. No Thieving
6. Always do as we say
7. No playing with friends or playing at all
8. You’re not an equal to us but a slave

Caught breaking any of the rules I would be beaten harshly!

They’re a small selection, some are painful to remember. I remember as i grew up, being dressed in the same rags, my hair was long and greasy and my body thing and bony.
There wasn't a crumb of love anywhere, and my life was completely turned upside down.

My days where filled with chores, beatings and I was made to stand in the corner, my head down and arms by my side I was also to tag around them whenever i wasn't needed.

As i grew up, I grew determined to do my Parents proud and vowed never to return to this hell-hole. I was determined to runaway and managed to do so when I was about 16/17, settle down and have children of my own and I have done so.
I got a decent good-paying job, a wonderful wife and three wonderful young children.

King D - Little D, the eldest.
Captain J - Is our middle child who is a pirate-addict!
And Princess P - our youngest and is in love with unicorns (her bedroom is full unicorns, fairies and rainbows!)

Though I am blessed with my family and love them so much, I feel, often, worth-less, less-than human and that I deserve to still be locked in a cage, away from sight as I’m ugly, disgusting and a disappointment.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kipper

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May 03, 2012
Kipper:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

These two weren't parents or even human; they were twisted savages who used you as a slave. They have no standing, no say in what you were. What they did to you was unconscionable. There was no love. It was all about power and control for them. Therefore, the lies they left you with have no meaning: You are NOT worthless or ugly or a disappointment or disgusting, and you certainly don't deserve to be locked in a cage. They were all conjured up by two sick excuses of human beings. What's important is that you have broken the cycle of abuse, and that you get help for your Self. You showed tremendous courage running away from that hellhole, tremendous courage at just surviving it. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 03, 2012
heartbreak
by: gerry b

i am deeply touched and saddened by your story it is exactly what i grew up with i wish you all the best of luck for your future it is terrible that adults can inflict that cruelty on a poor innocent child.

May 03, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Kipper, first of all, my condolences to your parents because I know what it's like to lose someone who really cares about you. Second of all, your aunt and uncle deeply troubled and sadistic; they are helpless bullies who chose to use your youth and vulnerabilities for their sadistic gratification instead of simply helping themselves. Oh, and they're wrong. You're not ugly; you're not disgusting; you're beautiful. You're not a disappointment; you're an asset to your family. You're not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which your aunt and uncle sadistically denied you of. Beating you, torturing you, enslaving you, terrorizing you, locking you up for hours to boot and even starving you are just enough to throw those horrific, poor excuses for human beings to jail for a long time. Children are gifts to treasure (yes, that includes nieces and nephews too!), not to abuse. Oh, and moving in with them is like entering a lion's den with a bunch of hungry lions in it; they wanted you to do this because doing so gives them someone to bully, let alone for their sadistic pleasure instead of helping themselves/changing their dysfunctional ways of life. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their immature, loveless, sick, sadistic misery as well as their ignorant ugliness (well, that's because they chose to be that way). You are not to blame for their sadistic behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and chose to misuse it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From AC

by AC
(Tennessee, USA)

My story is about emotional abuse and the effects on a person's sense of self-worth. The worst part about emotioinal, or psychological, abuse is that it is not easy to spot sometimes because it can be non-blatant. I grew up in a very wealthy Southern Baptist family. My parents were divorced when I was young, but remarried. My mother, due to her need for control at all times, and her preoccupation with how things appeared to everyone else, was the primary emotional abuser. If she was mad at anyone else, she would take it out on me. She was easily angered and would slap and kick me even if she was mad at someone else. She also acted as though anything that happened in my life, or anything I cared about, did not matter and I was silly to think that it did. Her life revolved around doting on my stepdad, keeping an immaculate home, and presenting the "perfect" persona to anyone outside the family. She was always willing to go above and beyond for anyone else, but I was always treated like an inconvenience or a burden. I tried so hard to be perfect, to keep quiet, to just shut up and not have any feelings or wants so that she would be happy with me. When I finally left home for college at 18, my self-esteem began to unravel. Without anyone there to critique my every move, I became fearful. I self-harmed for awhile, along with a serious bout of anorexia for about 4 years. I am still bulimic to this day. I got into an abusive relationship, dropped out of school, and had an unwanted pregnancy. Because of these mistakes, my mom decided she didn't want anything to do with me. She kicked me out, took custody of my child (whom she later adopted) and played it off to everyone that I was such an ungrateful, stupid little girl and she was such a selfless hero. Because I was now suddenly on my own, I began prostituting to support myself. My mom knew about it, I didn't hide it from her, but she acted as though she didn't care. One night I called her after I was mugged at a hotel room, and she flippantly told me she was trying to take a bath and relax and to quit bothering her. I fell into another abusive relationship soon after. When I would cry out for help from her when he treated me badly, she would ignore me and gossip with him about me behind my back. I felt utterly betrayed. She has constantly, since I was young, been trying to make me look bad to other people. She wants everyone to think of me as some stupid little child who doesn't know anything. Even when I try to talk to her now on the phone, she responds with "mmhmm" to anything I say no matter what is it, then puts on her cheery fake voice and hangs up. Another thing I have never understood is that anytime something happens that's good in my life, or I am happy, she acts like I don't deserve it and she's mad that I am happy. I am no longer a prostitute, although I struggle with bulimia every day. No one cares about how she has treated me. I have no one who understands. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent on this site.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From AC

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May 29, 2012
AC:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

First and foremost, I congratulate you on no longer prostituting! That took a great deal of courage. It was the first step in self-love. Secondly, something that you'll have to come to terms with...that's the fact that your mother is not going to give you the approval you need. That has to come from YOU. YOU have to give your Self all the things you need. At this point, your mother is still in control of you and manipulating you, because she knows how badly you want her to love and approve of you. She uses it; and when you go to her for help, she can wield that control and manipulation even further. It doesn't matter what your mother says about you, thinks about you, or tells you about you; what matters is what YOU say to your Self, what YOU think about your Self, and what YOU tell about your Self. You had no rights or power as a child; your mother had it all. Now that you are an adult, your the one with the power. So take that power and use it in a way that helps you. Seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with all that you endured. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. It would be the second most loving thing you've done for your Self. You're a good person, AC, a very good person; don't ever lose sight of that no matter what others may say. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


May 29, 2012
I care, I CARE!!! Part 1
by: Anonymous

AC, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! That isn't discipline; that's just torture. I doubt that she's angry with you at all; in my view, she's just as hateful as ever. Oh, and she's deeply troubled too. Oh, and she's wrong. You're not ungrateful; you're not stupid; you're very smart and articulate; never believe any of those nasty lies that she is spewing. Mature, stable adults don't ever do what she did to you. Oh, and I'm sure that when she was a kid herself, her own mother taught her never to have any emotions; not only did she learn that lesson very well, but she also decided that she would try to pass along to her own child. What encourages me, though, is that you're not at all like that; you're a caring, loving, compassionate person; you want to show and experience love and that's a beautiful thing. Don't ever lose that.

May 29, 2012
I care, I CARE!!! Part 2
by: Anonymous

If you think that "no one cares about you", then think again; I care; Darlene cares, my fellow visitors of this page care; people care; I'm sure there's a lot of caring people out there. Oh, and the reason why she blames you for herself being mad at someone is because she refuses to accept her own responsibilities as a mother. It's not your fault; it's her own fault because she CHOSE to abuse you. Oh, and again; you're not ungrateful; she needs to realize that she's the one who is abusive, ignorant and ungrateful to you; she has a talented, beautiful, intelligent daughter whom she needs to be grateful for. Oh, and most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. You're a star! Oh, and it's equally wrong for your mom to claim that you "didn't deserve to be happy, blah blah blah"; you deserve happiness, love, protection, dignity and respect. The reason why she did that is because she is so jealous that she doesn't want you to be happy and even be a perfect mother she never was; she wants you to be miserable just like her (she's only miserable because she CHOSE to be that way). I'm sure that she's probably frustrated with her own life and chose to take it out on you; sadly, she never got any help that she needed because no one is helping her, but don't try to help her; try helping yourself; it's up to her to want help. You are not to blame for her nearly-sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because, again, she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power.

May 30, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: AC, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 5 separate comments from this particular commenter on this thread because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

May 30, 2012
the monster...
by: Tim L.

Your mother is emotionally abusive and is never going to change. Looking for love, approval, or respect from her is definitely a lost cause. You may not even be able to confront her about her ways since she just hangs up the phone on you. I suggest you cut her out of her life and proclaim that you are worth more than this behavior of hers, because you are. You deserve to include only people in your personal life that respect, listen, and truly care about you. The abusive mother who destroyed your life needs to vanish so you can heal now.

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah

by Sarah
(United Kingdom)

I'm 14 years old. For 8 years of my life I was emotionally abused and neglected. But it wasn't just at home. I was bullied at school and received a lot of racism. Often I was starved for days and never had clean clothes to wear, I refused to get changed for P.E. because my clothes were never clean. At school I had 2 good friends one knew more than the other what was happening to me but because my abuser was good at manipulating people my friend pitied my abuser not knowing to a full extent what was going on. My abuser had mental health issues and although, towards the end, people told me it was because of this it felt to me as though it had been learnt a skill that had developed over time. At school I was bullied, hit, punched, thrown up against the lockers and received alot of racism. I lived in filthy, rancid conditions for SEVEN years. I learned to bend into the background and that's why when I finally got out of that situation, my people skills were so crappy. I still struggle to make friends, I've been at my school a month and my mind keeps wandering to the way I was treated at my own school but on a much, much milder scale. But that's not what makes me angry. What makes me angry is that Social Services had it in there power to take me out of that situation and... they never did. I had to make that move. I had to beg my dad to take me when I found out all I had to do was ask. But I was scared of asking of what my abuser would do if i asked. And when I told her she both cried and attempted to beat me. But then. With a little help I got the courage to stand up to her. So, one day, when she was out, I packed up all my stuff, and went to live at my aunts for 2 weeks, still going to school and getting bullied but at least I felt safe when I got home. Well as you can imagine my mum found out and turned my friends against me who in turn, turned the small amount of friends/classmates I liked and who liked me against me and I had to hang out in the attendance officers office every lunch and break time for two weeks. And when I finally got to my dad's. It was the happiest feeling I have ever felt. So yeah, I've been through the wars and I made it through. I still long to tell my new found friends of my story but for now I'm keeping it quiet and thinking about the future. My teachers say I've got enough brains to go to Oxford but I want to be a Wildlife Explorer.

I'm Sarah and This was my Story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Apr 17, 2012
Sarah:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you are now in a safe place. It was so courageous of you to stand up for your Self and get out of that environment, and that your aunt was there for you. And though you are now with your dad, it does concern me that he seemed unaware of what was happening to you when you lived with your abuser. I hope that he's aware of what is going on in your life now, because that's part of his responsibility as your father. Always remember that you are worthy of dignity and respect and love. And that none of what happened was your fault. Your teacher is right: you ARE smart, and you WILL make a difference in the world. Keep up with your education and treat your Self better than anyone ever has because you're worth it. I also strongly recommend that you seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you've endured. You deserve that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Sarah.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 23, 2012
Courage!
by: Anonymous

WOW! I commend your courage in getting yourself out of that situation! In my situation, there were 6 of us children, and we all stayed and took the emotional and physical abuse, but this was many years ago and there was no legal help. What a shame that the Human Services of today still fail to help, but how brave you are! I admire your strength, and think you will succeed in whatever career you choose. Praying for you, and good luck!

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Child Abuse Story From Jack

by Jack
(Location Undisclosed)

I was abused pretty much since I was born. I don't really remember not getting hurt. My father abused my physically with beatings. He did other things also like making me sleep outside during thunderstorms. My mom wasn't like him, she was really nice and she always said she loved me and she tried to help, but when I was 5 I was in a car accident with her and she died. My father blamed me for her dying and said I should've died instead and that if I was good then she'd come back. I know now that that isn't true, but at the time I believed him and tried really hard to do everything right so she'd come back, but I always screwed up. When I was 7 my teacher saw cigarette burns on my arms because I forgot to wear long sleeves to school and she reported it. I was put into foster care.
My first foster home was really great, the parents were nice and I had an older brother who was 16 that I latched on to. He used to take me places with him and play sports with me. At night he would let me sleep in his room sometimes because I would have really bad nightmares. For the first two weeks I was there I wouldn't talk to anyone and they had me see a childrens counselor but it was my foster brother who got me to start talking. After a year I had to leave the home though because the mom got cancer and they had to pay for chemo and couldn't afford to adopt me anymore.
My second foster home was more abusive than my father was and the foster father there had a gun that he always threatened me with. He'd play a game where he put one bullet in and spun it so I wouldn't know if it was in the chamber or not and he'd fire. Once he actually did shoot me because I was crying and didn't stop when he told me to because I was scared. I think I was 12 then. I didn't get taken out of that foster home for another year though because he said I was playing with his gun and shot myself. It was another report by a teacher that got me out of that one. I was in that home for about 5 years I think.
My third foster home only lasted 2 months because they said I was too quiet and had too many issues, and they had like 15 other kids already so they couldn't deal with me.
The fourth home was the worst out of all of them. The father was physically abusive like all the rest but after a year or two he started touching me and doing other things and when I was 15 he started raping me. He pulled me out of school when I was 16 because I already skipped school alot anyway and it made it easier for him. On nights where it was just him I could stay in my bed room but on nights that his friends came over and paid him to spend time with me I stayed in the basement. I had a mattress but I always slept in the corner instead. I still do alot of the time because I don't like beds much. I tried committing suicide once while in that home but it didn't work and I never had the guts to try again.
When I was 17 I got taken out of foster care permanently and was given a deal that I could live on my own if I had shelter, steady income, and saw a court-appointed therapist. I was technically homeless but I went to a teen shelter alot at night so I did have somewhere to sleep most of the time. I had two jobs that I still have now and I saw the therapist until I turned 18 in December 2011.
My father got out of prison a few months ago and in January he found me and attacked me but the police came before he killed me and he's back in prison now.
I was on my own for a while but in January (before the thing with my father happened) I got in touch with my foster brother from the first home. He was really happy to hear from me and said he tried to find me when he got older but since I was still in the system they couldn't give him my location. I see him almost every day now and stay at his apartment alot.
So now I'm just trying to get through each day I guess. I have alot of issues like anxiety, bad nightmares, fears of stupid things like thunderstorms and the dark, I'm really jumpy, sometimes my hands or body start shaking if I get scared, and other things like that. Some people said they think I have PTSD but I've never been diagnosed.
I learned alot about coping mechanisms while I saw the therapist and my main one is music. I love music and there's never really a time when I'm not listening to music. I like rap and rock music the most. I love playing the guitar too but I can't afford to buy one right now so it's been a while since I last played. I also love sports, mainly basketball and ice hockey, and I play them with my brother alot.
It's hard but I think I'll make it. Thanks for listening, sorry that that was so long.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 01, 2012
Jack:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father set you up for failure by telling you that terrible lie: that your mother would come back if you were "good". It was his way of keeping you under control. You didn't "screw up"; you were a kid in an impossible position. He would have kept changing the rules of the game to ensure you failed so he could vent on you. As for your foster homes, despicable. There are so many things to say on each of them, but not enough time or space to do so. Even if you had shot yourself with the gun from that one foster home, that would have been a huge red flag for social workers to remove you from a dangerous home. I'm so glad to hear that teachers stepped up and reported what they saw as suspicious. It's disappointing to learn that Social Services kept dropping the ball. It was heartwarming to learn that you've reconnected with your foster brother. You've already lived the worst of it, Jack. You not only CAN get through this, you WILL. Just be completely open to the process of counselling or therapy. Always remember that none of what happened was your fault. None of it. You deserved, and still deserve, to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Treat your Self with that dignity and respect and love. Always. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 01, 2012
perfect length, great teachers!
by: My Two Cents

Your story was the perfect length - the length it took you to tell your story.

I'm really happy to read that your teachers reported their concerns to child welfare. It seems to be quite rare this happens judging by the stories in here. You had not one but two teachers who acted to help you.

There are other people out there who can also help you progress in your healing. I hope you'll use them as you continue your recovery. Counsellors, doctors, etc.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

May 02, 2012
No Relationship Like Brothers
by: Joey

Jack,

I'm glad you found a Brother. Another guy who understands you and you are comfortable with enough to open up. I had a friend like that years back after I left my abusive Father and lived in a children's home. You need that right now. Considering how you talk about him, he cares for you very deeply and you love him very much :) :) :).

I can tell you from experience that he will always be there for you, as my Brother was always there for me (and I for him).

There's no relationship like Brothers.

Take care of your self and him. You both deserve it.


May 03, 2012
Jack,
by: AnonymousT

Thank you for sharing your story. You are so brave to tell it at such a young age.

I'm SO happy you found your foster brother, that is wonderful news and it's so good to have someone who is genuinely a good person in your life.

I must say for your history and your age, you write quite articulately. Maybe write whenever you feel the need, it's a great outlet for our feelings.

You've been through a lot, but you made it. You are a survivor. All those things that happened in the past can't hurt you now, they're memories. Remember that. In the meantime, make some new memories. Get out & DO. BE. Experience. You are young & the sky's the limit!

I have faith your life is going to be a great one.

T

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Child Abuse Story From Vanna

by Savanna
(Massachusetts, USA)

I remember trying to stand at the top of the stair case, my legs quivering, and feeling the snot and tears dripping from my chin. They turned to look up at me, horror set deep into their faces. My mother turned to look last and I saw her face fall. She stood up and ran up the stairs to grab me. I can't remember anything after that.
My parents were good people. We went to church every Sunday and they were active in the community. My parents tried to have a baby for 20 years and I was their little miracle. My dad worked hard every day and we lived in a nice house that sat on a nice hill where we lived nice lives and had nice things. The church was looking for families to take in refugees from Yugoslavia which was in the midst of a horrific war. The people were being killed in mass genocide and families were being displaced. My parents, being the good people they were, offered to take a family in. I remember seeing the family get off the plane. They had one suitcase of clothes and the mother carried her crying baby. They were skinny and dirty and smelled weird. The three girls had hair cut short so they wouldn't be raped in their country. They looked so scared and unsure. They stayed with us for months and the oldest sisters would baby sit me and my brother. They were quiet and kept to themselves mostly. The brother was angry always, the father dominating, and the mother subservient. My parents helped them to get on their feet and they moved into their own home eventually.
We went to visit them for their Easter Sunday. I remember following the son up to his room while our families ate down stairs and laughed together. He had made a fort out of his bunk bed, darkened and surrounded by blankets. We went inside of it and there isn't much I remember after that except for my moms face..
There was no real sign that any of this had happened except for my abnormally agitated behavior. I remember shoving kids down hills in preschool and I was suspended from kindergarten for beating up kids a few times. I slept under my bed for five years then relocated to my closet. my mom thought it was cute. I never fit in and when we moved, I immediately isolated myself. When I did begin to talk to people, it was only to seek out some comfort. I couldn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I couldn't be home where my dad screamed all the time and my mother walked away as he hit me. I couldn't deal with watching my younger brother cry or sit in my room alone with my thoughts. I sought any escape from home, any escape from my thoughts that I could find. I escaped to a group of friends who were into smoking, drinking, and getting into anything that made them feel different. I was a little younger than 12. I became bulimic, began drinking heavily, and smoking pot. One night, my best friend at the time and I had been drinking heavily. Our friends left and her older brothers came downstairs. One began kissing me and I kissed back. My friend went upstairs. He pulled my pants down and i fell over, hitting my head on the table. The other brother held me down and kept me quiet. I remember her father coming down the stairs and one of them jumped up. Her dad ran back up the stairs. I remember waking up and trying not to puke as the room spun. I remember my friend telling me not to say anything because they had gotten in trouble before. I remember the confusion and the shame. I remember the week after, sitting in a restaurant with two friends, when all of a sudden I wasn't in my body anymore. I thought some one had drugged me or I was going crazy. I wasn't sure what to do so I didn't do anything. The outer body experiences only got worse and i began to get nightmares. I would wake up screaming or with tears streaming down my face. I couldn't deal with the nightmares so I would try to force myself not to sleep. I began to self mutilate and tried to kill myself multiple times before even entering high school. I began drinking and taking anything on a daily basis. I had no limits for myself. I felt that down was the only place for me to go. I felt I had no life worth living and no future to aim for. I didn't have a will to live and I couldn't deal with my feelings. I was having sex with who ever would have sex with me and things only got worse. I would wake up next to people I didn't know, have no memory of the night before, my reputation was destroyed by high school, I was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning my freshman year, and then my mom learned about the most recent rape. I was institutionalized for several months. No one really knew what was going on. I was released and went back to my old school. My drug habit only got worse. I became chronically depressed and began to use heroin my sophmore year. I began to have small memories of the rape from when I was 5. I couldn't stand to see my parents. If I wasn't basically comotose from the mixture of booze and benzos or heroin, I was hysterical and in tears. My junior year, I was so messed up I don't even remember being arrested at school but I was sent to lock up and then rehab for 9 months. I relapsed almost immediately, was homeless, arrested again, sent to detox, and then kicked out to live with my junkie boyfriend. My senior year I found out i was pregnant after being told numerous times i could not get pregnant. My cervix had been severely scarred to the point that doctors believed it would not be possible. I got clean. I got my life together and graduated high school 5 days before having my son. We promised to give this baby a life better than we had. I struggled through out my pregnancy but i now have a beautiful 7 month old son. Though his father has relapsed and is not in our life, I still survive and look for the beauty in life every day. The fact that I made it through these events and am now not only surviving but thriving and growing is a miracle. Just like I was and am a miracle, my son is too. He is my reason for living. He is my reason to stay sober and fight my PTSD. I do not know why these things happened to me, but I know there is a reason. My mother still lives in denial of my rape when I was 5 and I still struggle with PTSD and addiction, but I now wish to share my story and let others know that your struggle is not in vain. I now major in psychology and plan to work in clinical research to study more about PTSD treatment and affects. I know my struggle has not been in vain.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 08, 2012
Savanna:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are a very strong person. You plan to turn the pain you suffered into power; that very inspirational. And you found a way to see your life differently, a way to bring healing into your life. And while I understand your son being a miracle in your life and his coming and then birth helped you to make healthier choices for you and him, I am concerned that there is still underlying issues that have yet to re-surface. If you begin to feel such re-surfacing, I do hope you'll consider some form of counselling or therapy to help you deal with any residual of what you endured. You are worthy of that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Savanna.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 08, 2012
PROFOUND!!
by: Rita M

Dear Vanna,
Thankyou for sharing your powerful story online.You are amazing.You were able to turn what you thouht was hopeles into a meaningful life and
a career to go along with it.Your parents must be so proud of you.You have turned your heart ache into a carrer of reaching out to others.You have explained how hopelessness can be done away with and turned into a possitive thing and learning that you can heal from your hurts and live a natural life without carrying shame and being angry at everyone.Your children have a good mother.Keep up the excellent work because you are
needed.God Bless
Rita M

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Child Abuse Story From Abigail

by Abigail
(Ohio, USA)

My sexual assault 4 years ago: 
Wen I was 7 I was playing kickball with my bestfriends brother and the ball went behind a truck I went to go get it and he pushed me down and raped me. for 2 days straight I felt so dirty after like it was my fult. I am 11 now.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 15, 2012
Abigail:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Because you were a child, the rape is also considered child abuse. What happened to you was not your fault. It will never be your fault. Period. End of story. Fault, guilt and shame belongs on the abuser because he chose to abuse you. Don't keep the secret any longer. Tell, and keep telling until someone listens and does something to help you deal with this. Start by talking to your parents. And if that's not comfortable, talk to a school counsellor. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what happened and how you're feeling about it. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You didn't deserve to be abused. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Abigail. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 16, 2012
Councelling
by: Rita M

Dear Abigail,
I am so sorry for what has happened to you.It
certaily wasn't your fault.You were a victim
of rape.That is a form of abuse.You didn't deserve
that.You are only 11 and have already said something about this.I am very proud of you.
If you feel it it is okay for you to talk to your
parents then that is alright.There are ther sources.Talking to your teacher is another way.
If the school has a councellor that is another way.What I am saying to you is that there is always a way to reach out.There is always someone
that that will pay attention to you and hear you.
You are not a dirty girl.You didn't do anything wrong.You need to tell someone and get it all out.
The purpose of telling a councellor is to help you to heal and understand that you didn't deserve
to be raped.Coucelling helps you to talk about your fears and what ever is bothering you.When talking to to your councellor you will see that
you are safe.As you heal you will have more confidence again and you will be the happy child
you were.I wish you the very best in getting a councellor.Councellors are well trained with abuse
issues and also have an interest in the person they are with.Don't stop the councelling sessions
until you feel comfortable and learn about signs of abuse.At the end of councelling you will see how important you really are and that it is the abuser that should carry the shame,not you.You will remember the abuse but you won't hurt anymore.
God Bless you.
Rita M

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Child Abuse Story From Jason

by Jason
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm breaking the cycle. I've been a loser my whole life. I was robbed of a childhood so I never had the "boys will be boys" excuse going for me. I was a street rat by the time I was twelve and I've been a homeless piece of trash ever since. Once a punk always a punk. I don't feel bad saying it because it's true. Drugs, theft, violence, sex for money, I am what's wrong with society. No kid should go through what we went through growing up, but that's no excuse. When my father went in to his rages and beat us bloody he always had an excuse. I don't care what his father did to him. There's no reason for a 6'4" 220lb man to punch a 9 year old in the face hard enough to knock him down and then kneel on his chest and pound fists into his tiny body nonstop until he goes limp. Nothing will ever justify the way he treated us. Whipping us with his belt until the skin split and blood ran down our legs because "his daddy used a switch on him"? Bullshit. And that aint even the worst of it. How can you go through this and then turn around and do it to another human being? But that's what they say. Kids who got beat grow up into abusers themselves. I'll never understand it and that's what terrifies me most. I've got a kid now. A little boy. I've only seen him once. I split with his mom as soon as I found out she was pregnant. Call me a coward, but I didn't do it because I'm too lazy to raise a kid. I just know he's better off without someone like me in his life. I know in my heart I'd never hurt my kid. But it's not a chance I'll take. I have so much anger inside of me all the time. What makes me any different from my father? Violent, raging, drug addict, alcoholic, piece of shit. Like father like son.
I'm not a good person. But it ends here.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 21, 2012
Jason:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Child abuse survivors are not destined to become abusers. It happens, but not nearly as often as you may believe. Child abuse is a choice, a choice your father made, his father made, and one you've decided not to make. Breaking the cycle of abuse takes more courage, more work, more healing than some are prepared to put forth. And though you've chosen to break the cycle of violence with your own son, HE will always wonder what he did wrong to not have you in his life. HE will always blame him Self. You've characterized your Self as this terrible person. You may well have done terrible things in your own life, but the fact that you're aware of them is half the work. Redemption can only come with awareness, and then with a reason to redeem one Self. Yes, you may well be a bad a**, and you may well have done so much self-harm as a result of the armor of your past that you carry, but there is most definitely a soft spot in you that cannot be denied. You see things clearly on one hand—no excuses, etc—but you've blinded your Self to the realities within your own blood. BE the father for your son that your father wasn't for you. That's the legacy you can change. You helped to bring him in this world...you have a response-ability to be there for him. Just make sure you're clean and sober first, otherwise, you will do him harm. No excuses. I send you love, light and healing energy, Jason. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 21, 2012
not a loser
by: Tim L.

You are way too harsh on yourself. I think what is wrong with society is that it allows little children to be abused and twelve year old's to starve on the streets or be sexually exploited by adults for money in a desperate play to survive. Don't beat yourself up for things you did as a homeless boy rightfully pissed off at the world.

There is no excuse for what your father did to you, but you shouldn't so easily and automatically put him in your place. You need to be able to sympathize and empathize with yourself in order to heal. You are not trash, you are not a loser. You are and were worthy of more than a desperate homeless life. You may be hurting your son already by abandoning him, but if you want to do something good for him, get help and then spend time with him in a way that you are comfortable with and that won't allow you to abuse him.

May 22, 2012
Jason,
by: AnonymousT

As a person who grew up without a parent I can tell you he will always wonder. I have a lot of anger over the abandonment as much as the abuse from others.

I can't tell you how to be a good parent. I can't tell you it comes naturally.
I personally know that I had to read up on discipline because I didn't know what was "normal" to raise a child with. So I do recommend you read. I read a lot & learned a lot. I also learned about myself in the interim.

I'm sorry your father hurt you.
You are not what is wrong, your father is. Abusers create abusers when we don't learn coping skills. When we get so mad we do what was done to us. But when we learn HOW to show our feelings (anger) & talk/write/feel it through...we've beat the cycle. We told that stupid cycle we were up for the challenge.

I know that drugs help numb. And sex for money get you that numb. I know it's hard to beleive you're worth more.
But you are. You're worth more. We have to feel the bad to get to the good...we have to brave the bad to get past the need to be numb.
I hope you can get there one day.
I'm rooting for you.

T

May 22, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Jason, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comment from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her.

May 22, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Jason, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted this 2nd comment from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple, posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her.

May 25, 2012
healing
by: Anonymous

It took 42 years before someone told me I was worth a lot! You are too. We all are the apple of gods eye.

May 31, 2012
A better me
by: Exanimis

Living on the streets isn't really living, it's survival and nothing more. The cost of that survival is high for ourselves, our victims and our abusers. We who have survived the streets have a lot of regrets just remember that you are not alone,you are not the only one who has done bad things. The events in our lives are what has made us who we are but they can not control who we want to be. I struggle every day to make sure I am a better person, being bad is easy, being good is a lot of hard work but we can do it. You have made decisions to be a better person, to stop the abuse and that is a great start but that doesn't mean that everyone is better off without you. Be strong, fight to be a better person and live your life by starting today.

Jun 29, 2012
WOAH THERE
by: Anonymous

Why you thinking so negetaviely, your not your father and you realise that. Sure you have done some stupid stuff in your your life but have you ever harmed a child. Your choice, sounds like you have already decided though. I admire you for thinking you should stay away but i also think your afraid of getting help. Not for your self but for your child. You never had the parents who were there for you, its hard especialy as we grow up and become adults. We think about our childhood, you are constantly thinking about yours. You know whats right go with that and be a Father

Jul 02, 2012
Hey Jason
by: from my heart

I have to commend you for not wanting to make excuses for your lifestyle and actions. But submitting yourself to being stuck as being a piece of sh*t is not being fair to yourself at all.
I really don't mean to hurt you with this question... but do you honestly think that if you would have had a picture perfect childhood, you'd be where you are right now? Your childhood did hurt you incredibly, both in defining how your life turned out and also in how you developed as a person. Realizing that wouldn't be making excuses for yourself, it would simply be accepting the reality. You can only start to fight it once you’ve accepted it to be true!

I don't know what you've done, but whatever it is that has made you have so much contempt for yourself - let it go. There's no way that you can become a better version of yourself if you think of yourself as an absolute terrible person who can't do any better. It's easy to wallow in the thought of how terrible you are. It feels good to hate yourself because then the world seems to make sense: you’re in a rut because of your own faults so there's no point in hoping or dreaming for a better existence because YOU ruined your own life. So now you have to be okay with living in the hole you've created for yourself. Jason, don't do that to yourself, please. For the sake of the rest of your life, let yourself be okay in your eyes.

The bottom line is that you have a huge, extremely valid excuse for where you are now. You have a reason for entering the street lifestyle. You were being insanely abused. You have a reason to have anger inside you. You were horribly mistreated. You even have a reason for not knowing how to control your anger or your lifestyle - what person in your life did you have that ever taught you how to be the normal and healthy person you so want to be? You have an excuse for it all. DON'T IGNORE THAT. Understanding that you do have a very valid excuse doesn't exempt you from being responsible and able to get yourself to a better place. It's not a contradiction. You can accept both. Our past does set the stage for us in life. But what it doesn't do is make our decisions for us. Our past determines what's hard for us, but we decide what we choose to do in the face of it. As someone else suggested - learn. Learn about parenting. Learn about life and how to overcome the effects of abuse. Abused kids only abuse if they choose to abuse - you can choose not to, and if you do, your son can feel the father's love you never did. It’s possible and it’s been done! Don't give up on yourself. Accept your excuse, and let that free you so you can trust yourself enough to try to be something other than your father's son.

Jul 11, 2012
hope
by: Anonymous

My father's mom died when he was little and he and his 2 brothers were treated horribly by their father. Beat, belittled, left to run wild in the streets of Philly.
He never put one hand on me his entire life, and treated everyone with respect.
You can't control how people treat you, but you can control how you treat people. Fight to be in your son's life. You both deserve to know each other.

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Child Abuse Story From Kally

by Kally
(Location Undisclosed)

Im now 12. I was three when all that stuff happened. My mom would go to work every night. It started out small....he would say he wanted to play a game. I ofcoursr said yes. We wuld play a game where we wuld find stuff and put it under a blanketand we had to guess what it was at one point he made me touch his "thing". He said it went with the game so I did it too. Then it went to something else. He covered my mouth and pulled down my pants and underwear and tried to put himself in me but I fought so he didnt. I cried and screamed to let me call my mom. I did finally call my mom and she rushed home. I told her he covered my mouth she asked what else and I said that was it. I guess you could say I was embarrassed and he told me not to tell her so I didnt.
Later it was all forgotten...even by me. We moved from there and in with my sister,her husband and my niece and nephew. My brother and I slept on the couches. He somehow got a porn video and showed it to me. That night he told me to take off my pants. I was 4now but I did what he said and he stuck his thing in my behind like he wanted too. It hurt but still I said nothing when it was over. My neice and nephew and I did some sexual thimgs when we were younger. We're all close in age but we watched porn and looked through porn magazines. We got caught.multiple times but we still did it. Now im 12 and im obsessed with sex. I read sex scenes. I fantasize about having sex. I've done stuff that I know I shpuldnt do but I cant stop it. My mom knows nothing and I want it to stay that way. My brother always said it never happened so I dont talk about it. My nephew told me that my brother did sexual things with him when they wyld shower together after swimming in the pool. Its been years now and I dont jnow if this counts as abuse or not but ive needed to share my story somehow. Me and my brother have an amazing relationship. Like any brother and sister. He just took my innocence and now im some sex addicted pre teen. I will never tell though...no matter what.
I say sorry for any typos I used my phone to type all of this up.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kally

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Jun 25, 2012
Kally:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

At 12 years old, it's very difficult to understand how your choices can impact you and others. Especially when one has been through the trauma of sexual abuse. What I must say here is that when you decide to forever keep the secret of sexual abuse, you protect a pedophile. Something about pedophiles is that they don't stop until they are made to stop; and the only way that will happen is if someone tells. There will come a point as you reach the various ages and stages of your life that you will look back and see the truth of what I'm saying. Other children are at risk, Kally. Other very little innocent children. Your brother has "groomed" you not to tell, and to feel grateful for the relationship you have with him. But this is not normal brother-sister stuff. And now you're left with your own behaviourial challenges. As for your mother, it's extremely difficult to understand how she wouldn't know that someone had sexually abused her little girl. There would have been blood and tearing of the area, and other very definite physical, as well as emotional signs. The fact that porn has been so readily available to you at such a young age means there was neglect going on in your environment. And there doesn't seem to be any, or there is very little supervision, which is another form of neglect. I can see that there is so much more than what you have relayed here. Please reconsider your decision to keep the secret. I point you to the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. As long as you keep this to your Self, you're at great risk for further abuse and other forms of trauma, and not just by your brother. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love...and that starts with you. Call one of the number listed. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kally. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 26, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

Comment deleted as inappropriate.

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Child Abuse Story From Angry Little Girl

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I don't want to tell my name b/c I will be scarred with the fact that I am just as messed up as everyone else, when I finish telling my story. I have just turned 17 and have been living with my wonderful boyfriend for one year, eight months, and eleven days. I don't believe in a religion and I hate my mother more than life itself. I was molested at the age of seven, by a man I thought was family, in my grandmothers house. This same man, tried again and he couldn't b/c I acted like I was asleep and wouldn't move my arm from in between us for anything, he was trying to nudge my arm over. Within that timespan, I and some cousins performed sexual acts with each other. I knew this was wrong and I never said anything. This guy had relations with my uncle. I Love my uncle very much and still feel guilty for not telling him about this guy. My uncle died and I feel that if I would have spoke up that he would still be here. My mother, G---, is a very sick person as I have grown to realize and still is. She is an emotionally abusive person and I wish that I could help her. I try not to talk to her as much as possible b/c everytime I do, I am extremely stressed for unknown reasons. She and my biological father, L--, were at a party and had sexual intercourse. Neither of them remember the night and L-- doesn't talk to me b/c he has a family of his own. His family didn't know I existed until a couple of years ago. I have a brother and sister (on my dad's side) who have been brainwashed into hating me by their real mother, C--. I have a brother and a sister (on my mom's side) who live with extended family. My bro, sis, and I all smoke weed and I know it is bad, but right now, we're trying to live one day at a time. We all know not to do anything harder b/c of previous experiences. They, thankfully, ignore the bad things around them. I can't and I am so F***ed up b/c I dwell on it. Back to C--, she is (in my opinion) evil incarnate and doesn't care about the fact that she has children, b/c she is trying to keep her head above all the drama and drugs that she is surrounded by on a daily basis. I care for my bro and sis deeply and it kills me that I am not old enough to whisk them away and take them to Neverland. My sister is old enough to fend for herself (being a year younger than me), but no one (NO ONE) wants my brother and I feel so helpless b/c I am still trying to live a better life and secretly wish someone would care for him. C-- came to my grandmothers crying, while I was there. She had my brother with her b/c there was a conflict with the extended family involving money (LIKE ALWAYS!) and she said that he can't stay there anymore. Well I can gladly report that my bro and sis need to be with each other and are still with the extended family. I think C-- hasn't matured past the age of 16 and I hate her so much there is not even words to describe. I can't wait until she is dead, so when I have children of my own (which I am scared of b/c I want them to have a 10x's better life) I can say that I had a good childhood and a good mother. Now that I've moved past those obstacles, I still dwell on the past. It is killing me b/c it is making my relationship with my boyfriend worse. I Love my boyfriend, but I intentionally come up with stuff to fight about. I get angry for no reason sometimes. I am at Sat. School and I thought I would share my messed up past. Thank you for reading. I feel a weight off my shoulders. :)




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Angry Little Girl

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May 21, 2012
To Angry Little Girl:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I feel and completely understand your anger, hostility and rage. I've been there myself. What I can also tell you is that that anger, hostility and rage will eat you up, consume you, and leave you wasted away. These feelings and emotions you have need to be dealt with, otherwise they will haunt you and make every aspect of your life completely dysfunctional. What you are experiencing with your boyfriend is only the beginning. ALL your relationships will suffer, especially the ones you care about the most. You see, anger and hostility and rage are toxic. They poison the body and the mind. We focus on the hate, and then it festers in the body, and then the body becomes dis-eased. But there is hope. You need help dealing with all these feelings you have. You've taken a big first step by writing here about your "messed up life". Here's my assessment: I can tell you're a good person, a compassionate and loving person. Don't lose that about your Self. I can also tell that you care about where you're going in your life because as a 17-year-old you're in Saturday class! Please reach out for help, beyond what anyone who visits this site can provide. Contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. They may be able to provide you with resources that you can turn to. You didn't deserve to be abused, and neither do your siblings. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were abused. I send you and your siblings love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 22, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To Angry Little Girl, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 2 comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her.

May 22, 2012
some support....
by: My Two Cents

I'm a little concerned about calling you "angry little girl" (ALG) because when you break it down into the individual pieces, you are so much more:

"Angry" - an emotion. I *know* you feel a range of emotions, not just anger. I'm positive that you are angry about what happened to you. I don't think that you are stomping around 24/7 yelling at random people because you're angry.

"Little" - I think you mentioned being 17 soon if not already. You're not so "little" anymore. It's unfortunate in some ways that children are "invisible" but as you approach the adult years, your voice, your concerns, they become valid and worthy of attention.

"Girl" - I think a 17 year old or thereabouts qualifies as a woman.

I'm struggling a little with what I want to say here because I'm not 100% certain it will turn out in text the way I want it to....bear with me.

The way I'm reading your story, you don't want to identify yourself because you don't want to be labelled as a victim or a survivor specifically of child abuse. Labels are convient "names" we attach to people to help us relate to them. The labels themselves are an "easy out."

You are far, far more than a "victim" or a "survivor" of child abuse. Just from reading your story I saw the following additional labels: sister, daughter, cousin, partner/girlfriend, friend, and niece. I'm pretty sure that student and employee are also involved somewhere.

I would like to suggest that while the abuse will be with you, it does not have to be the deciding label of what makes "ALG" but it can be a part of your experience that grows smaller and more distant over the years as you grow away from that time and add more experiences to your current experiences.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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Child Abuse Story From Ricki P

by Ricki P
(Denmark)

When I was six months old, my mother was fed up with being a mother, and left. She didn't tell anyone and just left the apartment, my father would return a day later to find me there. He was not super excited about being a single dad, so he dropped me off at my grandparents only he forgot to pick me up again. And when I was around 8 months old there was a custody hearing, no one showed. The custody went to the state.

I stayed at my grandparents, because it's customs here in the DK to ask family members first, when the state has a child on their hands that no one wants. My grandparents let me stay, and I wish I had gone to the state.

I was never assaulted. I was ignored, belittled and made to feel unwanted. I was a burden and no one missed a chance to tell me that. I was not invited to family gatherings, and was told over and over that I was a little b***h mooching off my grandparents. And that I should be grateful. Even the CPS ladies that visited yearly said that, I should be grateful because no one wants a foster child that is not a toddler. And that my grandparents seemed like nice people.

My grandmother told me time and time again, that they had only taken me in because of the family/neighbor gossip. She was ashamed of her own son, who clearly wasn't interested. She did not do this for any other reason than damage control and money. See in that aspect she 'did' care, she would sew my clothes herself, or re-design handmedowns so they fit me. It was rare that I had something new, everything always came from someone elses closet.

While she never hit me, she would ignore me for days. Not acknowledge my existence at all, no plate would be put out for me at dinner time, I had to fetch my own. Most of all she was bitter that she was "made" to look after another child.

I was never made to bathe, brush my teeth, go to bed, come in for supper or anything. I had decent clothes, my own room, a toothbrush and stuff like that, but no one cared if I used it. I had several teeth pulled as a pre-teen because they were rotten, kids just don't brush their teeth unless prompted. I had all the things right there for me to use, but no one bothered to show me how, or tell me when it's appropriate to take a shower and so forth. I had to learn this the hard way, from my peers.

I hated school, and I did terribly there. Got in fights and detention. Mostly because I had no respect for anyone or anything, maybe I tried to make someone stand up and claim that they cared, but I doubt I would have believed them.

I ran away when I was 15 and never came back. When I was picked up by the Danish CPS at a project for street kids, I welcomed the grouphome, anything was better than to live a life, where you on daily basis are told that you are nothing, that you are a burden, unwelcome, making everyone miserable, and most of all being told that you are a less fortunate product of your dad not being able to keep it in his pants.

Both my mum and dad had more children, just not with each other. None of my siblings got to live in their care for long. My mum kicked her habit when her 4th child was taken off her. I was around 28 and had had two kids of my own when she finally quit all substance abuse. She have tried to make up for not being there, but I can't really relate to her and I don't know, maybe it's the feelings you have a child. I couldn't understand why my parents left me to that, and thought that they hated me. According to my mother, they just didn't know, which is rubbish because none of them ever bothered to check, they both went on with their merry ways.

I know she feels guilty, but I just can't tell her it's okay. Because it's not. It took me years and years of therapy, and my own children to care for. For me to realise that I am not less than nothing, I am not just a mistake.

Psychological abuse breaks you too. As an adult I have a hard time connecting with other people, empathy for me is hard won.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Ricki P

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May 29, 2012
Ricki:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

No matter what you decide, what your mother and father did to you, abandoning and betraying you, will never be "okay". So many believe that forgiveness says that what happened was okay, but that's not what forgiveness is at all. Forgiveness is for YOU. You see, Ricki, you're the one who is suffering. You're the one who carries the anger and the hatred and hostility. It's that anger and hatred and hostility that will consume you, and then affect all aspects of your life. Hanging onto anger is like taking poison and then expecting the other person to die. It is possible to forgive someone and not have a relationship with that person. Remember that. Forgiveness releases YOU, Ricki. And it's YOU who needs to be released. A quote from Marianne Williamson, someone I deeply respect: Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness. I send you love, light and healing energy, Ricki. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 30, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Ricki, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 4 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From Nikkie

by Nikkie
(Louisiana, USA)

Head injury: 
ok i was just posting my story of incest and my computer just shut off.... well let me start this over but a shorter version my mothers oldest son raped me for years i was even pregant at one time , she knew about it and she hurt me too. to make a very long story short i ended up with a $80k piece of machine in my head and its becasue of the abuse as a child will post the long version later but i just want everyone to know that if you do not tell it will hurt you in the long run.

nikkie




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nikkie

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May 05, 2012
Nikkie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I do hope you'll write more of your story. It will take time to go live on my site because I generally have 60 or 70 in queue at any given time. Thank you for sharing your story and your all-important message with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Nikkie.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Pamela R

by Pamela
(Maine, USA)

Where do I begin? As the second child, born to a Mother from Germany, and a Father who got her pregnant there, during the war, who brought her back with him (after getting her pregnant with my sister 5 years my senior), my life was simply over before it began!! 5 years after being in the U.S., my Mother was to go back to Germany for a visit. Well, that did not happen,because she was pregnant with me!!! That's the day my life was destined for severe abuse...

Not even a year-to-date, after my birth, my "GOD SENT" baby brother was born!!!

My Mother or sister was not treated well by my Fathers family (so the word goes); and she took everything out on me!! The abuse from her, mentally, physically, & emotionally, I could not have had it any worse!!! I remember her telling me I was "potty-trained" at a year old, because she refused to have two babies in diapers???!!! WHAT?? I DID AND LOVED EVERY MINUTE!!!

She actually gave me my baby book not long ago, and the only part that was filled in was my name, date of birth, time of birth, and weight...and OH YEAH...How she cried because I was not a boy!!

Anyway, I had no freedom growing up. NONE!!! I was a perfect student, nominated from everything to "Student Council, to Prom Queen, etc. etc. etc. But I was never allowed to stay after school for anything!!! My brother and sister got to come and go as they pleased!!!

I never had a birthday party, or attended one, slumber party, (didn't even know what it was). I was very popular in high school, and the "CHEERLEADERS" was my best friends...(in school)!!! My freedom was a fenced yard!!

My Mother abused me so badly, in every way she could, that I got the blame for everything that went wrong in her life!! My first memory of her is when I was 5 years old, playing in my drive-way, with a girl who lived across the street, and she called me into the house, because I had a pretty dress on, and was standing too close to a mud puddle (I GUESS), and she beat me profusely!!! She made me walk home from HIGH SCHOOL every day for lunch, while my brother had a car; but I had to go home, and I ask one day if I could go to the mall with a friend that you could see from my house, and she smashed a scalding (AND I MEAN SCALDING) in my face!!!! I went to school with blisters on my lips and nose, and that was not the first time!!!

I was never allowed to have friends call me, and forget guys calling at age 15, 16, or even 17!!!

My story with her is so long, entailed, descriptive, etc. that it would take me hours to finish... BUT "JESUS CHRIST AS MY WITNESS" abuse came from elsewhere!!!

MY FATHER!!!!I know I was very, very young, when it stared, because my Father is a pedophile!!! "I STOPPED THAT" by educating my precious baby girls as to the "GOOD TOUCH-BAD TOUCH!" MIND YOU, HE TRIED, and they immediantly told me. But, my sister lost custody of her daughter, abandoned her to her ex-husband, and moved from state to state with her "HER NEW RICH HUSBAND!" leaving my neice visiting my parents on week-ends(trying to do the right thing); but none of us knew about the other!! Until my daughter came to me, I phoned my sister, she admitted my Father had at times sexually abused her; but mine was an every morning (before he went to work), coming into my bedroom, and well...doing what he wanted!!! My sister was not around, and I WAS ALONE!!! I married, (the wrong man of course), and was severely abused by him too. He got me into a critical car wreck (while I was pregnant with our first child, and abandoned me in the hospital clinging to life!! I had soooo many injuries, had a replacement femur while I was awake (in 1977), and had to learn how to walk all over again. Took me over 2 years; but I did it and delivered my baby natural, 4 months later!!! THE SWEETEST, MOST PERFECT CHILD TO THIS DAY!!! Unfortunately, my Father stocked me every place I was(lived). Would show up when he knew my husband was at work, kids in school, and let himself in. I did divorce their father (I had 2 daughters,and 1 son by him), and re-married a man from Venezuela. Figured my Father would be a bit intimidated by him! But he found his way. He raped me on my Son's bed (HIS ONLY GRANDSON AT THE TIME) when I was 33!!

OH...did I forget to mention also, that when I turned 17, and started being asked questions by my friends at school, that I followed my Mother around the house, (for only two days); and the next thing I knew I was being moved into an apartment, all alone (NEVER KNOWING FREEDOM), by my sister and father!!! I think he was afraid I would start asking him next!!!! Got thrown into a BEARS DEN, with A BEE-BEE GUN!!! My sister never came bak once to check on me. I was picked out of two seniors from my high-school called the "Y.O.P." PROGRAM-or YOUTH OPPORTUNITY PROGRAM!!! So, I did have a job working at the Post Office; but of course, NO CAR!!! I was going to class only 3 hours a day in my senior year, graduating mid-term, and my life was shattered!!!

I am now 56 years old, with alot of healing going on still, and have an awesome relationship with my children and grandchildren, and that is my HAPPINESS!!!!

I would love to write a book, I have had many opportunities, and missed opportunities because of my past, that I wish now I would of taken advantage of.

I have studied with the GURU MAHARASHI in 1974-76, and I am working very hard at rekindling that life-style.

I would love to open a place where kids, teens, people of all ages could come for refuge, and learn meditation, yoga, or anything they feel would be "THE FIRST STEPS IN HEALING!!!!"

I just don't quite know how to go aboutit all; but with prayer and meditation, I sincerely hope that is my next calling in LIFE!!!!

AS "GOD IS MY WITNESS" MY STORY IS TRUE, CAN BE BACKED UP BY MANY, AND IS ACCURATE IN EACH DETAIL. BUT THERE IS ALOT THAT HAS BEEN EXLUDED AT THIS POINT AND TIME!!!!

SINCERELY, AND GOD BLESS THOSE WHO SUFFER...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Pamela R

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Jun 23, 2012
Pamela:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Allow your Self to fully heal, and then follow your dream. And while meditation and prayer is helpful in order to recognize the opportunities that come your way, movement will be necessary. Open your heart to all the opportunities that surround you. Don't be so focused on the big picture of what you want that you don't see the smaller opportunities that are around you each and every day. If you aren't already, train as an instructor in yoga. Align your Self with like-minded people and groups. And above all, live your life with gratitude. I send you love, light and healing energy, Pamela. Thank you for sharing your story and your dreams with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jun 23, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Pamela, I can't believe that your dad would offend you and then abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! That isn't discipline; that's just torture. Oh, and I know what it's like to be born into such a house where such a mother didn't want you to be a girl when you were born. You see, most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. YOU ARE A STAR!!!Oh, and it's equally wrong for her to try and stop you from having as much friends as you want. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. As for your dad, perverts don't change their ways until they're made to stop. Oh, and whatever happened is NOT your fault; it's her own fault; you are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; you didn't cause her to abuse you, she CHOSE to abuse you; she only "blamed" you because she refused to accept her own responsibilities. You were the child; your "parents" were the adults. Oh, and I'm glad that you're in a safe place now; I just hope that you stay in counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Kaitlyn

by Kaitlyn
(Wisconsin, USA)

Nightmare: 
My abuse story is not as bad as most. Most children on here have very grusome stories to share. Mine on the other hand, is not nearly as bad or graphic.
My mother and I had gotten along all throughout my early childhood. Then everything changed when I turned Eight. Lets just say my Grandfather tried hurting me and my Mother nearly punched him because of it. During that time I was a confused eight year old, who had no idea of what abuse was. The whole incident nearly broke my famiy apart for two years. I noticed changes in my Mother. Drinking became her number one priority. She started working at a bar every night of the week. She barely had time for m anymore. At this point, my Mother was pregnant. I could tell by the worried looks my Dad's side of the family gave her when they saw her down a drink. Not only had my Mom been drinking way more then usual her and my father faught ever night. My mother drank throughout her entire pregnancy. When my younger sister was born, I thought that she would finally stop drinkingand everything would go back to normal. I was way wrong.
She started drinking even more. She would come home at night wasted out of her mind. When she was home she was loaded. She was angry with her life. Then she decided to take it out on her eldest child (Me). Whenever my Father would be outside working, she would yell, scream, and twist my arm. At first I thought that this pain would end soon enough. So I kept it a secret that she was hurting me. I kept it a secret until one day my Dad walked in on her standing over the top of me punching my arm. He yelled at her to stop and told me to go upstairs into my little sisters room an sit there with her. At this point, I would be sleepingin my sisters room because I was terrified my mother would come home wasted and do something to my sister. She was turning into a monster. Finally at last my Mother filed for a divorce.
Everything was coming down on my shoulders at once. At home I had to become a Mother to my sister. I took the role of Mother over, becauase my mother was clearly not in the state of mind to be raising children. I am now fourteen. My mother has gotten worse. She has laid her hands on me a few times, and the Cops were called. They did nothing about it. She drinks more then ever. She fights with me constantly tell me "You are going to Die alone" "Your Dad and you are such useless people" "I never wanted you as my daughter" And much worse things. The only thing I want is my old Mom back.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kaitlyn

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Jun 28, 2012
Kaitlyn:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Try not to compare your situation with that of others on this site or anywhere else. It's not about whether or not your abuse is worse than someone else; it's all about how the abuse has affected you personally. And clearly, what has happened has adversely affected you. Kaitlyn, I'm going to share something with you that you may not have considered before, something that I don't typically share in these individual threads. The way your mother reacted to your grandfather when you were 8 years old sends up a huge red flag for me. What this tells me is that it is possible that your maternal grandfather harmed your mother when she was 8 years old, and all those memories came flooding back to her in that moment, a moment that she couldn't handle. It's quite likely that she turned to drinking as a result. What's so important for you to understand in all this is that what is happening with your mother has nothing to do with you. It's all about the demons she herself is facing, the demons within her that are too difficult to bear. I know you want your mom back, but she is forever changed as a result of what happened to her and what she's trying to forget. You are the one paying the price for this, but not because of anything you've done wrong or because of who you are. More likely, in a very twisted way, it's likely the fact that your mother was there to protect you but no one was there to protect her. I know that doesn't sound reasonable, but it is typical behaviour of someone who was themselves abused as a child. But you can't help your mother, Kaitlyn. Only she can do that. Right now you must do what you can to help your Self. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help You don't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being abused. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kaitlyn. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 28, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Kaitlyn, your mom is deeply troubled. She is wrong. You're not useless; you're a good person; you're none of those soul-stripping lies. She may need hep, but don't try to help her; try helping yourself instead; it's up to her to want help. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Sadly, she never got any help that she needs because no one is helping her, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jun 30, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Kaitlyn, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate and judgmental, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.



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Child Abuse Story From Bree

by Bree
(Oregon, USA)

I can vivdly remember everything about this. It was two days before my dance concert, and I was psyched. It would be my first time performing in front of people.
My mother approached me with a form for a class for people interested in being police officers and fire fighters. Being someone who was interested in being a biochemist, I politely declined. She shouted at me for not being grateful for the choices that were offered, so I stayed there and handled the verbal abuse (as usual, I had become used to these things.)
At 10:09, my father came in and asked me why I didnt want to be in the program. So I told him my honest opinions (which I had NEVER done, because I was afraid of what was to come next.) I could see something snap in his eyes, and I backed away quickly. But he was quicker.
Redness was in his eyes. Oh his eyes were burning with pure anger, void of all love he said he had for me. His own daughter.
He pushed me to ground roughly, and I could feel fire in my right ankle. Hot, burning, searing fire.
Obviously there was no fire, it was just my nerves screaming at me that something had broken.
So for the next few minutes I sat there screaming my lungs out, saying that my leg was on fire and that he had broken it.
He called me a liar, and ungrateful of all of the things he gave me.
LIAR!
UNGRATEFUL!
B***H!
The other words kinda just faded away into nothingness in my memory.
My mother flew into the room screaming at me like a bird. She screamed the same dirty, filthy words at me.
My little sisters stayed in their rooms. It hurt knowing that the "sisterly love" would never work in the situations that mattered.
The next hour was a blur, but I know I curled up in the fetal position, refusing to talk to anyone.
My father refused to take me to the hospital, saying that it was just broken blood vessels.
Days later, the same man brought me there to get an X-ray.
Results= broken.
Seeing my fellow dancemates dance while I was in makeshift crutches hurt me the most since I would have been up there if HE hadn't hurt me.
Months later, I barely speak to him. It becomes a daily routine for me, avoiding the man who hurt me.
Seems reasonable right?
Not in HIS mind.
He says that he's going to always be there. He says that I look at the glass half empty. He says I'm ungrateful.
The verbal abuse hits me every day.
He forces me to hug him every day.
He forces me to "love him"
He wonders why I avoid him.
Has he not gotten it into his thick skull that he has done this to me?
He has given me emotional and physical pain that will scar me until I die.
If I could meet one person who has had this happen, please.. know you aren't alone.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 15, 2012
Bree:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What your father and mother did that day was abusive and over the line. The fact that your father refused to get you medical treatment immediately was not only neglect, it was emotional abuse. He DID hurt you, both physically and emotionally...they BOTH did. No question about it. If you choose to keep hanging onto the anger and rage and hostility about what they did to you, it's YOU who will continue to suffer. I'm not saying that you didn't earned the right to all that anger; you have earned the right to that anger...what I'm saying is that holding onto that anger will consume you and adversely affect all aspects of your life. Please reach out for whatever counselling help there may be available to you: a counsellor at school, for example. Contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you have and are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Bree.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 15, 2012
it isn't their decision...
by: Tim L.

I'm so sorry you're living under such horrible parents. It is not up to them to decide what you will do with your life. Fortunately however, your father will NOT always be there; you do not have to love or tolerate or forgive him after he committed this despicable crime against your body. Go away to college to be a biochemist and don't change yourself to fit them; it is they who need to change, and realize how abusive and ungrateful they are to you. They have a talented, intelligent daughter that they need to be grateful for. Please try to talk to someone about what happened.

Apr 16, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene and Tim are right!
by: Anonymous

Bree, I agree with Darlene and Tim. I really hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Anyway, if not, you can and will be in further danger and your so-called parents can and will continue to brutalize you; they've proven that already just by the nasty injuries that they've already inflicted upon you. They have the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at every single cost, so please get out of that house...PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!! Next time they lay a hand on you ever again, please consider reporting them ASAP because they are deeply troubled and sadistic. Oh, and all those nasty names that they called you are nothing but lies. Please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until someone will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Katie

by Katie
(Ohio, USA)

This is the first time I have told my story. I always doubted my own intuition because when the molestation happened, my parents tried to cover it up by telling me it was just a bad dream. Even though it only happened once, I still have flash backs.

Here is my story:

I was molested by my 3 year older half brother when I was four. He and one of his friends forced me into my bedroom closet. I can't remember the details exactly but I do know that one person held the door shut while the other harmed me. I believe I went to my parents afterward to tell them but I don't think they believed me b/c my dad responded by telling me I had had a nightmare and he took a water bottle (which he had marked with a cross and bones) and took me up to my bedroom near the closet and sprayed the floor, supposedly curing me off my bad dream. I think the incident was a one time thing & I also believe it was the cause of my parents divorce because they divorced a year later.

The situation has haunted me ever since and I desperately want someone to tell me the whole truth about what happend that day. Two weeks before my mother committed suicide, I asked her if I had been molested & if so, by whom, and her response was first "no," but then she said she thinks maybe I was but she didn't know by who. I also tried to non-chalantly ask my father about my "dream" when but he didn't elaborate and just told me that a bad dream is all that had happened.

Why do I so desperately need someone to tell me the truth? I asked my brother if anything had happened and he said no. He also said that he would tell me if he did know.

I have been terrified of my childhood bedroom ever since my childhood & I was so scared to sleep in that room that I began sleeping with a pillow over my head, which I still do to this day. Also, when my parents divorced, my mom told it was because my dad had become deeply depressed and that she had to leave his for his own good. However, in all of my adult life I have never seen my dad depressed, he just doesn't get depressed. Shortly after all this happened, my brother was sent with my aunt to live for 3 months. I called her to ask her why my brother was sent there to live and she said it was because my mother had a drinking problem and needed to get help. However, my grandmother said it happened because my mom was admitted into a psychiatric unit. WTF...why can't I find out the truth? Why do I have to relay on my own vague memories. The only person I think my mom would ever protect would be my brother; is that why she wouldn't tell me truth?

I wish someone would set me free of this pain and confusion. I wish my dad would come clean and explain to me the truth.

Thank you for listening.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 03, 2012
Katie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

"Knowing" would not necessarily set you free of your pain or confusion. It's human nature to want to know. But I must also say that you are setting your Self up for disappointment as long as you attach healing to what others do and don't tell you. You're looking for specific answers, answers that line up with what you believe happened. That ultimately means that each and every person involved would have to say the same thing to you, and that's highly unlikely to happen. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with all the questions you have. A counsellor can help bring things into perspective for you, and help you bring healing into your life, with or without confirmation from others. I send you love, light and healing energy, Katie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Leanne

by Leanne
(New Jersey, USA)

I am 17 years old now and from a young age I was sexually abused by my cousin. One of my earliest memories is him rubbing my privates through my trousers on Christmas day, telling me that this was 'normal' and what cousins are supposed to do. I didn't know any better, as I was only 5, and he, 14.
When I was 7, and he 16, he began to ask if I could sleep over, and seeing as I am an only child my parents agreed, figuring it would be good to have company. What he didn't tell them, was that my auntie and uncle had gone out. We were alone. All was well at first, we played monopoly, watched telly, it was just normal. I went upstairs and got in the shower, as I was tired. I thought I had locked the door. He walked in, naked, and climbed in the shower with me. He then began to rub me and kiss me, forcing me up against the wall with his tongue down my throat and his fingers inside me. Then he forced me to perform oral on him.
When I was 9, he was 18, he got his drivers license. Our family thought we were the closest of cousins that got along so so well. And so, they let him take me out for a drive around the countryside one afternoon. By now, I was scared of him, and knew what he was doing was wrong. But I couldn't tell. He threatened to hurt me worse if I told. Anyway, in the car we pulled over into a field, where no-one could see. He forced me to strip, and he punched me hard so I fell to the ground. He forced his naked self onto me, and I couldn't breathe. He fingered me, then raped me until I bled. He got a wooden stick off of the ground and used it on me. He wouldn't let me up.
At around the same time, my mum started to go out with her friends more, meaning I would need a baby-sitter. And she insisted that my sensible, 'loving' cousin looked after me when she went out. He raped me every single thursday night, and laughed while he did.
I hate him. But he is gone now. He died a few years back, in a car crash. I went to the funeral and told everyone. They spat on his grave. He put me through years of misery and torment and suffering. He deserved that. He also left me with problems. Like now, I self harm. I trust no-one.. not even my own mother, as she failed to protect me from that vile waste of space. I have insomnia, and at one point I attempted suicide. I also had bulimia, however I conquered that demon.
So, I urge anyone going through this to tell someone, because if I could turn back time, I would. It would have been over so much earlier if I had told. The only person I blame for that, is myself.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 05, 2012
Leanne:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

My goodness...you are NOT to blame for not telling. You're applying mature adult values to decisions you made when you were a little girl, a little girl who was manipulated, controlled and "groomed" to stay quiet. This started happening to you when you were 5 years old. To say that you're to blame for not telling when you knew it was wrong is to forget the hold he had on you. It's to forget the fear he instilled in you. It's to not understand that this pedophile took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. Under no circumstances are you to blame. Blame, shame and responsibility lies squarely on the shoulders of your abuser. The next time you see a 5-year-old, or a 7-year-old, or a 9-year-old, take a good look at how young and innocent they are; and then remember that you were ONLY 5 and 7 and 9. Even if you were older, by then he had "groomed" you with fear. He's to blame, not you. Now is the time for healing, Leanne. You don't deserve to continue your life with this demon. You really don't. I strongly recommend you seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you gain perspective and bring healing into your life. You certainly deserve that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Veronica

by Veronica
(Illinois, USA)

My mom: 
I can't handle t. My mom has abused me since the beginning. She should grow up and see that I'm crying. All of my friends moms are perfect. I just want my mom happy. She always yells at me and hit me with the belt. My friend died all her head. And I told her "did your mom hit you" she said no. Her mom does not believe in hitting. My mom and dad are divorced. My sister has depression. Always it's me. My mom treats my sister and brother normaly but when it comes to me.. NO! I want to run away but.. I can't there is nowhere to run,. I only cut but it hurts.. But the other pain is gone. My mom always slaps me saying "there, something to cry for" my mom is always looking for money.. She sued my dad for more money. But that's suppose to be my and my sisters money. But, instead she buys it for smokes.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 27, 2012
Veronica:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Try to understand that no parent is perfect, though it can certainly seem that way when comparing an abusive parent to one that is not. Having said that, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Clearly, your mother has problems that she takes out on you. That doesn't make what she's doing your fault. It isn't your fault. I do understand why you cut, why you self-harm...when you do, you mistreat your Self in the same way your mother mistreats you, even though in your mind you're doing the cutting in order to shift the emotional pain. Treat your Self better than you're being treated; that's a first step. Recognize that you deserve to be treated well. And please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You ARE worthy, Veronica. Always remember that. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 27, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Veronica, I hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! You're a really caring, loving, compassionate person; you want to show and experience love and that's a nice thing. Don't ever lose that. Oh, and as for crying, well, crying is actually strengthening and the tears can help heal you; everyone cries. Oh, and it's not even your fault that your sister has depression nor will it ever be your fault that your mom beats you. She's probably frustrated with her own life and chose to take it out on you; sadly, she never got any help that she needs because, unfortunately, no one is helping her, but you can help yourself, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Lacie

by Lacie
(Texas, USA)

it all started when i was just four yrs old and it didn't end until i was six to seven yrs old. But at that age people are some times like, how can a child that age remembers something like that. Well i did,i knew there was something wrong about it but i didn't say anything because i didn't actually know what was going on. And it was my cousin half brother that started first he would get me alone from every on else and pull down my pants and start doing what he wanted to do to me,at that time i wasn't even in school and then i still didn't tell anyone then we moved and then my brother started messing with me and it was all the time almost everyday and it hurt alot but i still didn't say anything at the time i was living with my Aunt and Uncle because my mom was mixed in with drugs so i barely seen her. And the i moved in with my other Aunt and her son which is my cousin slash half brother that raped me stilled lived with her and my cousin which is my cousin slash brothers's brother he also raped me but they never did it together,when my he would or lets call him D my half brother slash cousin. and we will call my cousin T. Ok so D would get me alone or when i was taking a bath he would take me out and rape me and put me back in the when i got out of the bath i would be getting ready for bed T would go tell his sister R that we were going to play for a while and he would take me to his room and rape me. I hated this but i still told noone about this. It happened every single day until one day R came to T's door and started nocking T left me on the bed and he threw his clothes on and went out of his window and i hurried and got dressed and opened the door and R and M her boyfriend started questioning me about what was going on. well i told her every thing that was and been happening to me and she told my Aunt that i am living with well i didn't see her much because she worked all the time,and all she did was go into their room D and T both and started slapping them but that was all she did. and she told me to tell her if it happened again and that night i woke up in the middle of the dining room with him leanin on me then he ran out of the room and then i got up and went to my Aunt's door which is right my the dining room and started beating on it yelling and screaming and i was crying and i fell asleep right in front of her door.Then the next day i learned that would be moving to my Aunt S's house were my Bother R raped me at and it didn't started happening again until i was living their for awhile the it started up all again and he would take me in the woods and in the shed we had right my our house and then after a long time of rape one day my cousin and sisters were walking i guess they heard me in pain and then he zipped his pant's and fled i caught sight of the i was so scared and i started bawling and i ran as fast as i could to the house and i hid under a small side table and it took them a while to find me and then they carried me out side and i was there when they called my Aunt S and told her what they seen and what i had told them she came home and took me staight to the doctor and they checked on me and asked me stange questions then we went through series of other doctors for this were i told every thing and R was the only one to be gotten done with T and D was still out their then i got put in Foster care were my Sister's boyfriend's parents adopted us and they are my mom and dad and they keep me safe i moved their at 9 and i am now 15 almost 16 in almost five months August. and just a couple of months ago i finally got D put in prison but it was my case it was two other cousins that were also raped by him,but i testified and he was sentenced to two life sentences and i am now starting my own case against him so he will get more time. and they say T was too young when it happened that they can't charge him.ya ya i hate that they say that but i am so happy now i have a great life and great family and i am ready to graduate from my online schhol but im only in 10th grade and i Want to become and actress when i get older,but one down turn that affected me in the future is that im uncomfortable with dating and even the idea of it.I don't want to be used again and abused again,and im scared for that but i hope i will out grow the fear of being alone with a guy,well im comfortable with my brothers and my dad and my dad's friends and my brother's friends they are all like family but others guys that are all around. i just don't know what to do sometimes. And i am so happy to share my story with all of the world because i want to do something for girls and women when i get older that went throught the same things as me.so thank you for listening and reading this :)i love every one and i am sstill trying to forgive all that's done wrong to me .. Thank You !!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 20, 2012
Lacie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

So good to learn that you are now in a safe place. Just so you know, it's not at all unusual for someone to remember traumatic events as a young child, just as it's not at all unusual for someone to forget. You showed great courage telling, and then going to court to convict one of your abusers. I'm delighted that you have aspirations to help others who have been in a similar situation as you were in. That would be turning pain into power. But I also believe you need some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the effects of the abuse you suffered. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Lacie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 20, 2012
you r so strong
by: michelle f

I am glad u finally got what you deserve a good home,good life,good luck with your acting career,i am glad someone asked you what was going on and YOU TOLD that is the main thing tell,even if it's to a stranger,friend,or online just saying it helps reless it from your body,because for some reason we don't tell,we hold it in shame,pride,scared,liar,we think all of it!!!!!!
Please keep talking,this is a safe place,we ALL know what you've been thru,and maybe your strength will help us thru

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Child Abuse Story From Justice

by Justice
(Location Undisclosed)


My story: 
Mom’s name was DL****** but later changed back to W*****. Daddy’s name is JL***** Sr... I have an older brother who was born 21 months and 17 days apart. My parents told me that is was a very scary day in their life. My older brother was not breathing when he was born. The doctors did everything they could but said it was too late. Daddy told him no we have not he got on his knees and began to pray. When he was done he picked up my cold and blue brother. He began to breathe the doctor looked shocked at what had just happened. They named him JL***** Jr. They were a happy family of three until was born. December 1995 change the live my brother knew to be so. He had to fill his shoes as a big brother at just one in a half. When I was born I was every parents dream. I was born 8 pounds 3 ounces 19 inches long and very healthy. There is not much to say about my birth God wanted me to be healthy so I was. They named me Justice L*****. My life as the baby of the family was coming to an end my sister was going to be born 23 months and five days after me. Also another very scary day for my family the doctors told mom that she was going to have emergency surgery if she wanted to save the life of my unborn baby sister. In the surgery room the doctors found out that her cord was wrapped around her neck twice. They got to her in time and saved her very young life. They name her JN L****. J and JN are the best siblings that God could give a person. We fight and argue but when it comes down to it we love each other and that is all that matters.
Right after my sister was born my parents started to grow apart from each other. One worked in the day and one worked night they never really saw each other. Things started to get a little bit crazy at home. My parents started to work less so they would see each other more. Which means they had a lot of fights most of the fights we did not see because they were behind closed door. That don’t mean we could not hear them. The fights started to get violent and people started to get hurt. Daddy came home one night drunk. He started the fight. That night change my life forever. I was so scared. Daddy got a gun and pointed at us and said choice. We were choosing to live or to die. JN moved over to the side that mom was on and so did J. I did not move I did not understand why daddy had a gun pointed at his children. He looked at me and said choose I was confused he pointed the gun at me and pulled the trigger but nothing happened. Mom grabbed me and held me close I was crying. I just didn’t understand why my parents were fighting. Later that night mom got us and we ran to the car and drove off. Daddy was not far behind us he was very anger at mom for taking us. When we got to my grandma’s house Mom said to stay in the car she called grandma and grandpa to calm daddy down. They got daddy calmed down so he left there not knowing if he was going to see his kids again. We lived with mom’s brother for a while but mom could not afford to have us so we went to live with grandma. It is like mom dropped off the face of the earth because we did not see her for a long time. I was living with grandma, grandpa, my siblings, cousins, and two aunts. There were ten of us kids living in a three bedroom house.
It was not long after I got there I started Pre-K. The first few weeks were okay until my older cousin asked me if I wanted to play a game called mommy and daddy I said yes because someone was showing me love but the game was not really a game. He would kiss me and I would pull away which led him to him me. After a while of being hit from pulling away from a kiss I gave in and let him kiss me. Weeks later he would began to touch my body with my clothes on it did not feel wrong. A few days pasted and he would began to help me take baths at night. While he was helping me he would touch my body. He would begin to rub between my legs I did not care because that is what daddy did when he gave me a bath. After that night he wants to give me a bath everyday twice a day. He would then take his clothes off in front of me and ask me questions about what I show. Then he began to touch himself and he told me to touch his private part. Still nothing felt wrong. He would ask me to stuck his private part. Still nothing felt wrong. My cousin would have my do his so him on the bus on the way to school. It still did not feel wrong. He got to the point that he wanted to have sex with me and he did. Nothing felt wrong. Him hurting me was my life for five years.
I got to get out of that house my dad came and got me and my siblings. the abuse did not stop there my dads friends son would later abuse me. An 18 year old man raping a ten year old kid. It is not right at that moment things started to feel so very wrong He raped me three more times before i turned eleven. I thought things were over when i turn twelve but i was wrong my dad began to be an even heavier drunk which cause us to see the bad side of he again. He would do things he does not remember the nexted day. Things that i would never talk about ever because it hurt so bad to talk about it. This would continue until i broke my silence and told someone what was going on. But no one would listen. August of 2011 people finally took me serious i tried to take my life because i could not take life any more. I live with my mother now but life still is not any better. I try to do right so that the horrible things will stop. I don't think anyone is listening to what i'm saying because i need things to change so that i will have a future. Maybe it just my fault that all of this is happening




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Justice

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May 18, 2012
Justice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

None of what's happened or is still happening in your environment is your fault. None of it. Your parents were very troubled. They both betrayed and abandoned you in some way. You were vulnerable. These abusers took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. You are not to blame. Blame belongs squarely on the shoulders of your abusers. Please consider contacting one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You don't deserve to be mistreated. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. I send you love, light and healing energy, Justice. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 20, 2012
Please stay strong
by: TarinaAZ

Your story is absolutely heart-breaking. Nobody deserves to be betrayed in so many ways at such a young innocent age. I understand your thoughts of suicide to end the feeling of complete broken heartedness and betrayal. But you must always remember to keep fighting... For YOU. Please stay strong and brave and TELL somebody you can trust if you are being hurt. stay safe

May 30, 2012
Thanks
by: Justice

Thanks for the kind words i really need them. I'm starting to get the help I need

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Child Abuse Story From Noah

by Noah
(Location Undisclosed)

My dad slapped me, punched me, threw me into walls, knocked me out a few times, did whatever he could to hurt me. When i had enough I would hit him back and he would grab me with his nails on the shoulders and Chuck me into a counter or into a wall he didn't scare me at all but he hurt me usually I wouldn't do what he said and he would chuck me to the floor and kick me in the stomach sometimes so hard I would have bruises for at least 3 months and sometimes I would puke up blood. I've been adopted twice both were abusive parents and so was my real mom and dad. I'm 12 and have been through so much. I play soccer and if we lost a game he would chuck my face into counter, he would make me play if i broke my ankle and through the whole game no matter how much I would be limping he would never give me a break. And he even made me play when some guy was going for the soccer ball and he missed and kicked me in the chest and I got the wind knocked out of me and couldn't breathe and I would lay on the field all my team mates huddled around me and my dad would walk on the field and say get up! and kick me in the side of my stomach and i would slowly get up with blood dripping from my nose (My nose bleeds really easily, usually every soccer game I would get at least two nose bleeds.) but even when he did the worst of things I was still not scared of him. Sometimes i would even back talk him and he would kick me in the face. I wasn't really bothered by it. The only thing is that all my "parents" ruined me. All i ever enjoy now is pain. Even though I am not scared of my dad I still don't like being abused. I've tried to kill myself multiple times. I always wondered if its usual when you've been beat your entire life to like pain. I am not too scared to tell anyone I'm just worried no one will believe me and call me a liar. I told a lot of people before and they all called me a liar. My friends say i always look so miserable. I have even been in a fight on the soccer field and I punched this kid so hard that I knocked him out and he had to be taken to the hospital. I was about to be sent to juvy but my dad bailed me out. My dad took me out of the game and chucked an ice water bottle at my face. And it gave me a nosebleed. Yeah so um that's my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Noah

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May 10, 2012
Noah:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's in explicable that your father would do these terrible beatings in front of groups of people at a soccer game and not get reported. It just seems to me that most people would step in to stop it and/or call the authorities for assault. And, Noah. I am very concerned that you have taken the torch from your father when you get so angry that you harm another child. It's important for you to understand that what has happened to you was wrong, and that it's wrong to hurt others. It sounds as though the system has failed you, but please don't fail your Self. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Don't give up hope that there are people out there who DO believe you're worthy. Keep telling people what is happening to you. Don't give up on your Self. Treat your Self better than anyone ever has. And part of that is to make sure that you treat others with respect as well. That doesn't mean you have to take a beating from them; it means there are appropriate ways to deal with others who in some way wrong you. The last place I want you to end up is in some prison. Though that's where your father belongs for the assaults he has inflicted on you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Noah.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 10, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Noah, your abusers are deeply troubled and sadistic. I really hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Anyway, if not, next time he lays a hand on you ever again, please consider reporting him to the cops ASAP; children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Oh, and you didn't cause him to abuse you; he CHOSE to abuse you. TELL, TELL, TELL!!! Even if no one believes you, don't give up; just keep telling until someone will finally listen to you and help you.

May 11, 2012
Noah
by: Anonymous

I can't even imagine what you are going through. It's unbelievable that any parent would do this to their child. Please keep telling someone until someone believes you. Please remember that none of this abuse is your fault and that your father is very sick and disturbed. You also need desperately to get out of this situation. Please, tell and keep telling until someone helps you. If it were me, I would do anything to protect you. I pray that you get some help soon. You are in my prayers, Noah. From a woman who can't stand any kind of child abuse and cares for our beautiful children.

May 11, 2012
you deserve better
by: Anonymous

No one will ever be able to explain why these things were done to you. Grow to be a better person and make sure you dont allow these people to continue to beat you. You are a child and worth so much more than the way you have been treated. One day these people will have to answer to a higher power for what they have done to you. Tell everyone until someone does something to help you! I have children of my own and i couldnt imagine hurting them. I am soo sorry that you are having to go through life like this, this is not the way parents are supposed to treat children. There are people who love you and will love you. Dont ever think for a moment that you deserve this or that this is the way life is supposed to be because it is not. I am infuriated that no one has helped you. :-(

May 12, 2012
you poor thing
by: Anonymous

That is terrible that you father would do such a thing! I can't believe no one that was watching the soccer game even time anyone! Although it worries me. If you knocked that kid out and he had to go to the hospital, that means your thinking hurting people is ok and its not! No one ever has an excuse to hurt a child which also means you had no right to hurt that kid. Your dad also has no excuse to hurt you. I'm worried about you, Noah. You don't deserve to live half your childhood in juvy. Noah, hun, please get help from someone and tell people until they listen. You don't deserve to be trapped in that horrific place. Nor do you deserve to be abused.

May 17, 2012
Seek shelter
by: Skruff

Depending on where you live, there may be a children's shelter near you. If you report abuse to the authorities it is mandated that they take some action.

You do not say if you are currently in a adoptive h9me, but if you are, there was a social worker / State worker who approved this placement. You might call that person and tell her what is going on.

There is NO REASON any child should be treated in the manner you describe. As to people not believing you, the situations you describe are easy to prove. If your coach, teammates, teammates parents saw these kicking, bottle throwing, hitting incidents those people can be subpoenaed into court to testify on your behalf.

Get some help NOW... What are you waiting for?

May 21, 2012
Noah
by: Ashley

Its very ironic that after I read this how much it sounded like my story. I was very shocked although it was a different sport we played it was along the same lines. (I played softball) believe it or not its completely understandable on you not being afraid of him because I'm not afraid of my father for all the abuse he's put me through. Which includes pretty much everything you have been through. And just have you have I always talke bck to my dad and was a smartass to him just to show him that I wasnt scared if him and that no matter how many bruises he left on me he can't completely take me over. But about the whole thing with you feeling that people will think your lieing, it don't matter what other people think you went through it you were there, you know it's true and that's all that matters! Really I just wanted to say its crazy to find somebody that went through almost the same exact thing as me.

Feb 04, 2013
Seriously, get out of that house!
by: Anonymous

Noah, please try to get out of that house as soon as you can; you've suffered enough. Your dad is a mentally ill, violent "person"; he probably won't change until someone makes him stop. As soon as you get away from him, your healing can start in earnest.

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Child Abuse Story From Cory

by Cory
(North Carolina, USA)

Stay Strong: 
When I was a little boy (I think I was around 6 years old) and lived with my grandma and my other siblings. We lived there because my mother was the youngest of my grandma’s 7 children and she was a single parent and grandma was helping her by letting her stay with her.
My grandma had 6 other kids besides my mom. Well, as a child, I was the usual little curious boy who liked to play ball and climb trees and all of that kind of stuff. I was also a budding artist. I loved drawing pictures and was quite good. My grandma, aunts and uncles often said I had talent drawing like one of my older male cousins whom I will refer to in this story as “Park” who was around 18 or 19 years old. He and his family (his mom was my mother’s older sister) they lived in another state.
Well one day, his family came to visit grandma. I was so excited because I had drew several pictures and wanted to show them to “Park”. I was following him around the house trying to show him the pictures I drew. He walked into the bathroom and I think I followed him in or he pulled me in (I cannot remember) but I recall he shut the door and was pulling his penis out to pee but suddenly he looked at me, and before I knew it, he pulled me by head and shoved his penis in my mouth and I think I choked and as quickly as he pushed it in, he took it out. He used the bathroom and we walked out of the bathroom.
I had no idea what happened. We just went outside to the porch with other relatives and he looked over my pictures and told me how great they were. I was so happy that I didn’t even think about what happened in the bathroom nor did I tell anyone later. I was just so happy that “Park” said I had talent drawing.
I am not sure when I actually remembered this incident but I know when I did eventually remember it, I could recall it with such clarity like it had just happened. I never told anyone about this and I do not think that it has adversely affected me that much because I am normal middle aged man. I have 3 children and am married to a wonderful woman whom I love.
I have not seen “Park” since that day (over 35 years ago). I am now 40+ years old. I think he probably remembers the incident because about 10 years ago, we were both stationed in Germany and because of how I was raised, if family is around, then I was taught that we should be in touch because you only have one family.
But every time I called “Park” and try to schedule a time to visit (I had just got married to my wife and he was married to an Asian lady and they had a very beautiful daughter) he made some excuse on why he could not make it. My wife was saying how come your cousin seems like he doesn’t want to see us. I then realized that “Park” probably remembered.
After getting back to the States a few years later and catching up with family I learned that “Park’s” daughter was highly sexual as a young child. My family thought that she was a sex-addict. Unbeknown to them, she showed all the typical signs of a child who has been sexually abused. She even tried to have sex with a couple of her cousins but they just thought she was a freak. However, I know the truth because I know what the Pervert did to me in the bathroom when I was 6. I can only imagine what he did to his daughter (my cousin).
I just pray for her. Now she is grown and has children of her own but I heard recently, that “Park” and his wife often fly there to pick up the grandchildren and bring them back with them. I hate to think of “Park” having those children around and I pray for them. Thank you for listening. May God bless each and every one of you who suffer at the hands of a pervert.
Years ago, before I came to Germany, I was stationed in "Park's" mother town. I often visited her and my cousins (his siblings) and his older sister told me one night that we were talking, that she used to pimp "Park's" out to his teachers when they were kids. She was a year older than he. I thought it was cool because I thought it was female teachers but she told me that it was male and female teachers.
Then a few years later, my mother told me that when she was a teenager and visiting her oldest sister (Park's mom) that they had to lock the door at night because "Park's" father would come in the room at night and try to rub their privates. I asked her who was he trying to feel and she told me he was trying to feel her and his own daughters. I think I then knew what happened to "Park". He was probably molested by his perverted father.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Cory

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May 24, 2012
Cory:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When silence is adopted about sexual abuse, it perpetuates. Consider if the silence had been broken all those years ago, children of following generations may have been spared suffering in the same way. And just for the record, if those "pimping" Park had been pimping him to female teachers, it would NOT have been okay. It would still have been sexual abuse of a child. Everyone kept the secret, and as such, many more children were abused. I hope the various parts of your story show how important it is to break the silence so that the cycle will break. I send you love, light and healing energy, Cory. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 25, 2012
Cory,
by: AnonymousT

Please say something. It's not like you see Park often & it's pretty obvious the family was aware of his father & his abuse, even if they don't call it that.
I had peoblems understanding why it's "cool" to be pimped to teachers, even if they are of opposite sex...unless you were a teen & it can be common of teen boys to think this way. To me it sounded like his sister was sexualized as well and also a perp like her father, but then, I wasn't there.

Anyway, please tell. Bottom line is yes, this is difficult, yes this is a can of worms, yes this will hurt people.....but what about the innocent young grandchildren of Park?
Do they deserve the chance you, his daughter & even Park never received?

T

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Child Abuse Story From Victoria

by Victoria
(Location Undisclosed)

I was sexually abused from the age of 9 to the age of 15. It has been 7 years since i stood in court at my older cousins trial but it still feels like it just happened.

I'm not all that good with words but i wanted to write this for two reasons.Firstly because i just need to do something to get these painful feeling out of me and secondly in the hope that sharing my experiences may help someone just a bit by knowing they are not alone.

I have good parents. but they have lots of problems of their own. They both experienced abuse and neglect in some form when they were young. When I was a child I also had many problems. I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome(a mild form of autism) and had many behavioral problems.

My parents let me down in many ways. They didnt always put me first and from the ages of 5 to 10 i looked after myself , my baby brother and sister, and in many ways my parents as well.

No one really looked out for me, except J---. J--- was my cousin and he was six years older than me. He was my best friend. I looked up to him to the extent that i practically worshiped him. We also were very close as we went through a lot of traumatic experiences together. He gave be emotional security aswell as physical protection and provision. He would steal food if I needed it and beat up anyone who threatened me.

J--- did a lot for me but one day he said he needed me to do something for him.I was 9 and we were playing Final Fantasy 4 in his bedroom. I will never forget the way my heart stopped for a few moments when he said 'pull your pants down and lie down'. I was confused and i just stared at him. He gently pushed me onto the bed and pulled my knickers down. They were purple.

At this point i tried to get up. He wasn't gentle anymore. He held me down and performed oral sex for what seemed like ages. When he finally let me go I ran home. I felt an overwhelming amount of panic. Although i knew what he had done was wrong, I couldn't understand why my feelings about the incident were so strong. They seemed disproportional to the situation.

I told my Dad what had happened. He was angry and went round and expect roughed J--- up a bit. A few days later I was playing on the computer upstairs at my grandmas house. J--- came up. He came in and just said 'sorry' and then started playing the game with me. There was silence between us for a long time but then after a few hours everything seemed normal again. I thought that it must have been just a strange thing that happened and i let it go out of my mind.

Things were normal for about the next six months. however things at home had started becoming really difficult and social services were getting involved with my family which was making my parents very angry. This was mainly because i wasnt attending school i think.

Anyway i ended up going to live with my Grandma. J--- was already living there too. I was happy. Me, J--- and Grandma living like a proper family, three square meals a day, no parents fighting and no little people to look after.

My grandma used to say to me ' I love you, but I love J--- more' One Christmas we both got exactly the same set of present(which was a lot) but J--- also got a bike. I used to think that this was ok but looking back this favoritism really damaged my self esteem.

I cant really remember exactly when the abuse started because it was such a gradual process. It started with J--- asking me to sit on his lap alot then gradually progressed to him touching my genitals. He would massage my back and i would let him(even enjoy it) but every now and again he would give my breasts a little squeeze. I didn't like it when he touched me in a sexual way but i let him 'massage' me because i just enjoyed someone touching me. It was the only kind of affection i had. I was just a kid i didn't know were it would end up

The progression to actual intercourse was extreamly gradual. I think the nature of this gradual progression was one of the reasons I didn't tell anyone. By the time i knew I wanted out it felt too late.

The abuse got worse and worse untill it was everyday. There is no way i can decently described the things he did to me. It also because a lot more violent.

J--- would swing between being violent and threatening to being the perfect 'loving father figure' in my life. I remember one occasion when he was doing something horrific to me while calmly counselling about my career options. This kind of inconstancy between what he was doing and saying was a very disturbing feature and added to my confusion.

One of the things i find the hardest to come to terms with is that my Grandma knew exactly what was going on , yet didn't seem to care. I can forgive my cousin for what he did to me as I can see it was the result of his own very disturbed upbringing.

I do forgive my grandma but i find it very difficult to understand why she loves J--- more than me. She said i was lieing in court and took his side and still does to this day. However I recently found out that she was abused by her cousin and I think this makes her think that its a normal thing and that I am the bad one because I gave him a criminal record.

The abuse had a devastating effect on my mental health. By the time I was 14 i was so disturbed i couldn't function as a normal human being. I was diagnosed with childhood psychosis and obsessive compulsive disorder. I learned to 'switch off' my mind when the abuse was happening and I believe this is what led to me becoming so detached from reality. I also suffer from strange fears and anxieties. For example i thought if I watched even a second of Strictly Come Dancing I would die and I was terrified of plastic bottles (i was seriously messed up)

Things getting this bad was a blessing in disguise. I was sent to a treatment centre for disturbed adultesents . Eventually the truth about the abuse came out.

He was charged with two counts of rape and two of indecent assault as these were what there was evidence for. He was found guilty of both the indecent assaults. My barrister advised me to agree to having the rape charges 'put on file' as they were not sure if there was enough evidence and the pressure of giving evidence was really negatively affecting my wellbeing. This basically meant that he escaped going to prison.

I regret not giving more evidence, especially as I recently found out he also abused my sister on a few occasions. When I first went to the police i only told them a fraction of the abuse because at the time I still felt a strong need to protect him. Although I have regrets about this i try not to think about it as what is done is done.

Where am I now? ...
I'm ok. I have moved to another part of the country and started a new life. After the court case i finally got the help I needed and had proper role models in my life. I have come to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savoir and this has changed everything. God has made me into a new creation and adopted me as his child.
There is still very real pain in my heart but there is also healing.
I have been able to restore a good relationship with my Mum and Dad. I still actually sometimes see my Grandma although this relationship is difficult and I am beginning to question if its right for me to continue it. I forgive my cousin and those that let me down when they should have protected me. What they did was wrong but I forgive them as God has forgiven me. I feel sorry for them as they are all part of a horrible cycle of abuse and I pray that that cycle will stop with me.

I am currently training to be a teacher. This is because it was partly through being able to go back to school and the provision of amazingly patient teachers that God started to restore my life.

I thank anyone who has taken the time to read this sincerely. Writing it has really helped me.
Finally I want to say to anyone who is being abused or has gone through such a trauma. Lift your eyes to God, he knows you, he loves you, he is not ashamed of you. You are so valuable to him that he have his only son to die in your place so that you can be forgiven for all your sin and start a new life in him.
God Bless




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Victoria

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Jun 07, 2012
Victoria:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You showed remarkable courage and strength telling about what J--- (name removed to protect your privacy) did to you, not only to your father, but eventually to the police. It doesn't surprise me that J--- also abused your sister. He very likely abused others as well. Sex offenders do not stop their offending ways until they are made to stop; and by telling, you stopped him. I cannot stress enough how important that was in your life and in the life of other victims and potential victims. Don't beat your Self up about what you didn't do; congratulate your Self on what you DID do. I few things I'll address here: One, J--- began sexually abusing you the very first time he assaulted you with oral sex, the time you told your father. It doesn't matter that many months went by before he began again, and then escalated; the fact is, he began that one time, and when not enough was done to ensure he never had access to you (or other young ones) again, you were put at great risk for future abuse. Two, you did not give him a criminal record by telling; J--- received a criminal record as a result of his criminal actions. This is on him, not you. Three, your grandmother is deeply disturbed to have one, enabled and possibly sanctioned the abuse (she'll have to answer for that at some point) and two, told you she loved you but loved J--- "more". But what she told you only has meaning if you believe the lie that it implies, namely, that you're not good enough or worthy of being loved. And that IS a lie. You cannot change your grandmother or what she believes. You can only change how your respond. You are no longer that vulnerable little girl. You are now a woman with the ability to turn pain into power. No one can harm you, as long as you remember that what they think and do is their responsibility, not yours. You have the ability to make choices in your life that will keep you on a path of healing and recovery, peace and joy. It's all up to you, Victoria. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 08, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster:Victoria, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.


Jun 12, 2012
Thank You Victoria
by: Will

Thank you Victoria for your bravery and your faith you have shared with me. I read this post today and it was such a encouraging moment for me. I'm thankful also that you have Christ, He's so wonderful, isn't He? I too experienced rape by family members at an early age and the trauma left me with mental illness. But as you say Jesus gives us forgiveness and new beginnings. The episodes of painful memories and the aftermath of it all does wrestle with my soul at times but I'm still here and I'm living with hope everyday. Thank you Victoria once again for sharing your story. May you continue to be healed and grow in the masterous love of Christ...God bless

Will

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Child Abuse Story From Alice

by Alice
(Location Undisclosed)

This is a story of emotional abuse. I think the hardest thing for me is accepting that * was abused. I've been told so many times that it's all in my head, or that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I almost start to believe it. One of my earliest childhood memories is of me hiding outside the kitchen, having just finished crying, and listening to my mother talk about me. She called me a weak, emotional child and mocked me, saying, "that girl cries over everything!" I was never encouraged to show emotion growing up. If I laughed out loud, my mother hushed me. If I cried, I was scorned, my problems thrown aside like trash. To this day I find it nearly impossible to cry, even when alone, because it feels like I'm doing something wrong. I can remember one time, in middle school, I broke two toes falling down some stairs. When I showed my mom, and tried to do something about it, she called me a baby and told me to get over it. Over the next month or so while I was limping around, she accused me of just doing it to get attention. It was the same with any injury or illness I ever had. My mother would call me a hypochondriac, and yell at me if I asked to go to the doctor. My mother expected perfection from me in all things. From schoolwork, to my choice of friends. Anything less than an A was unacceptable and would lead to hours long tirades that left me exhausted. I remember one semester in high school I got all As, except for one B. I was so excited to show my mom I rushed home. But when I showed her the report card she was furious about the B and threw it at me. Things in life that made me happy, such as writing and music were openly scorned by my mother, and seen as a waste of time. Around high school, the stress of trying to keep up with my mothers demands began to get to me. I developed severe insomnia, sleeping only 1 to 2 hours a night. This led to depression, and eventually self harm. When I was 18 I tried to commit suicide by downing several bottles of sleeping pills. Instead they just made me sick. I remember sitting in the bathroom puking, and hearing my mom complain in the next room about being woken up. Shortly after that incident I tried to tell my mom about my depression, because I wanted help. She scoffed at me, saying depression was for the weak minded and that I was just trying to get attention like always. Its been nearly two years since I moved away from my parents. And though what I went through was painful, I'd like to think that I'm a stronger person for it. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a man who is kind and supportive. And I no longer think about suicide. But whenever I talk to my mom, I feel that familiar trembling child start to take hold again.




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Jun 20, 2012
Alice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

We become stronger for what we endured and survived only when healing is a part of our lives. When we understand that what we were told directly and indirectly were, and still are, lies. When we recognize that we must reprogram the messages we got from the people in our lives who themselves were so badly damaged and unhealed. That reprogramming comes from us, Alice. It's taking all those nasty statements we were told and soul-stripping names we were called, and reversing them. They lose their power over us when we bring them to the light of understanding, and then tell ourselves the exact opposite. You're not a "baby" or a "hypochondriac" for wanting and needing medical attention, you're strong for insisting you get that medical treatment. You're not "weak-minded" because you wanted outside help for your depression, you showed remarkable courage and presence of mind for recognizing you needed that help. Your mother has been judging you through dark-coloured glasses. She's the one with the problem, Alice. This is all about her, not you. But telling her that will lead only to her pushing all the buttons she knows will still adversely affect you. Do for your Self what your mother wouldn't do when she was still responsible for you: seek out some form of counselling or therapy to help you deal with what happened in your past, how it still affects you now and how to bring healing into your life. You certainly deserve that. Don't concern your Self about what others say or think; it's what YOU believe that is paramount. I send you love, light and healing energy, Alice. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jun 20, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Alice, speaking of which you had just described, I'm sure that when your mom was a kid herself, her own mother taught her never to have any emotions. Not only did she learn that lesson very well, but she also decided that she will try to pass it along to her own children. However, what encourages me is that you're not at all like that; you're a caring, loving, compassionate person; you want to show and even experience love and that's a beautiful thing. Don't ever lose that. Oh, and she's wrong. You're not weak-minded; you're smart and articulate. You're not weak; you're not hypochondriac; you're strong. You're not a "baby". Those nasty names that she called you are nothing but LIES. Oh, and you don't really need to be perfect; in fact, you're already perfect just the way you are. Oh, and denying you the medical attention you needed is a neglectful thing to. Oh, and it's equally wrong for your mom to even stop you from devoting yourself to music and writing. Oh, and where was your dad? Anyway, you're not to blame for her ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. Plus, she only "blames" you because she refuses to accept her own responsibilities. I'm glad that your partner is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Dylan

by Dylan
(Location Unknown)

i was a 14 year old boy, i never got in trouble, i was organize, and caring for my little sister.
i was 14 year old when it al strated. i was watching TV with my dad, we were alone. he was geting very drunk, and i didnt even realized it until it was 10 pm when the movie ended. he shouted loke crazy, and made me jumpe. i stared into his eye for a while, while he stared back at me, then he started to touch his penis while saying things to me. he grabed me against the couch and touk my pants and underwear down. i screamed for help but remimberd that my mom was not home, i was alone withe this drunk. the pain was the worst. i screamed and i recieved a punch in my tempel, the anotherone, until i blackout.
he continued to abuse me until i was 18.
i never had the courige to tell anyone until i got married. a moth ago my dad died with cancer. he left, but my traumas, nightmears, fears didnt




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 25, 2012
Dylan:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father was deeply disturbed. He was a pedophile, a sick and twisted man who took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the effects of what your very sick father did to you. The fact that your mother didn't seem to be around to help you, at the very least see signs of what was happening to you, is another issue you will likely need to deal with. You deserve that kind of help. You certainly didn't deserve to be abused. The fact that your abuser is now dead means that he can no longer hurt you or others.

And just for the record, I've edited the more graphic elements of your story, but I didn't not impact the integrity of it. I edit when I feel it's necessary. Part of the responsibility of operating a site such as this is balancing the needs of contributors (mostly, being heard) and my visitors obtaining the benefit of understanding of other peoples' stories. I am also very mindful of the way Google captures keyword phrases that would bring less-than-moral people to this site. I thank you for your understanding. I send you love, light and healing energy, Dylan. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 18, 2012
2013
by: Anonymous

Dylan,
Nothing was ever your fault, the fault was your fathers. So many children go through life thinking they were at fault. The fault lies purely with the person who creates pain, as a child we rely on other people to guide us and make sure we understand the rules of society. The rules are not there to inflick pain but to prevent pain to any child. my motto for tihs day is "children for ever""adults behave"

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Child Abuse Story From Danielle

by Danielle
(USA)

Blocked memories but still a SURVIVOR: 
Well how do I start off, my mother married her 2nd husband when I was very young probably around 5 or so... I do not really remember much of anything when I was younger, which somewhat worries me. But anyways I know after awhile my mom and I were scared of him... He would have mood swings like crazy and any little thing set him off. I never realized this until years later after she finally got up the courage to leave him but he used to beat her up even rape her, she was scared to death of him, I used to see her with bruises but as a child she just told me she bumped into some furniture. I remember one time he threatened to cut off my hand with a butcher knife because he caught me looking at some of his personal magazines, and he looked dead serious about that too, I was so scared I was crying really hard, I think my mother saved me that day just in time too, his eyes were full of nothing... Whenever I acted out at school I would get reports sent home with me, sometimes he would hit me on the butt with his shoes, or belt, or hand, one time he asked me to lower my pants and he would whoop me raw, I remember one time I was suppose to get 50 lashes with a stick from a tree, he called it my friend, but at 20 lashes I was saved because his friend was calling him to hang out, I was soo grateful, I don't know how I ever managed to sit in class with my butt hurting but I did, and nobody found out, my mother never knew the extent either, sometimes she would be there too but she couldn't say a word because he would lash out at her too. When he would come home drunk I would make sure I would stay to my room but my mother couldn't avoid him and they would always start to argue, more him than her, she wouldn't really say anything because she feared him too much to anger him any further. There is also another time when ... I am not too sure what to call it, but he would play wrestle with me and I think he got too into it one day and almost smothered me, I remember I was having a hard time breathing, of course i am still thinking he is still playing but at that time he still wouldn't let up and again I was saved because my mother came home then, and come to think of it, I can not stand to wear collar shirts because it feels like I am suffocating. My mom split from my father when I was around 14, my little sister luckily never endured what I went through and I am grateful for that, nobody really knows what I went through not fully, I am still hazy on certain things and like I said earlier I think some of my memories are repressed, not too sure... but my mom and I have moved on with our lives, I joined the military and started my own lil family and i have the best husband in the world who will do anything for us to make us happy, my mother is doing great and even has a wonderful boyfriend! I would love to know why I cant remember my childhood memories though, all my friends remember so much and they talk about it even my sister remembers but she is 15 i am 24, I don't know if that matters but then again my husband remembers a lot of his childhood days... But if this has ever happened to you just know that you can get through and survive and start anew the way you want to. :)




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 14, 2012
Danielle:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Some people remember much of their childhood, some wish they remembered more, others wish they could forget most of it. Memory is something that varies with each person. Sometimes, trauma does affect the ability to remember certain incidents. Sometimes, the mind "protects" the child by repressing the memory(ies). Living in constant fear can produce repressed or suppressed memories, but the exact opposite can happen as well. It all depends on the person. If we get anxiety as a result of not remembering, if we try to force what isn't coming to the surface, it affects all aspects of our life now. I suggest you seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what you do remember and how you're feeling about what you don't, as well as what you witnessed in domestic violence. You didn't deserve to be mistreated, abused and exposed to such violence by this obviously disturbed man. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Danielle. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Camilla

by Camilla
(Location Undisclosed)

I hate my dad. I make one wrong move and he hits me. I'm scared to be around him because he might get mad and do it again. Im so scared of him. I wish I could run away but there'd be no where to go and I can't leave my sister behind. What if he found me again I don't know what he'd do. He always tells me he loves me. I just don't belive him any more. I cut myself. Maybe I should just kill myself.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 05, 2012
Camilla:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I understand your feelings. I too felt what you're feeling when my abuser hit me so often. You don't really want to die, Camilla, what you want is to be out of pain. I also understand why you don't believe your father when he tells you he loves you, because after all, why would he hit you if he really loved you. You see, some parents are terribly misguided. Some parents mistakenly believe that if they hit their children it will somehow make them better adults. But what they don't realize is that what they actually teach their children with hitting is anger, hostility and hate. Oftentimes they're so misguided because of their own childhoods. And when fathers hit their daughters, these fathers teach their daughters to choose someone as a partner who will abuse them. Don't fall into this trap. Don't allow your Self to be mistreated by others; love doesn't hurt. And don't mistreat your Self. That's so important, Camilla.

I was in my twenties when I came to understand that when I did things that were self-destructive, I had actually taken the torch from my abuser. My abuser no longer had to be there for me to be abused because I was doing it to my Self! It was quite the revelation. You cut because cutting relieves the emotional pain that is too great to bear. Look at things a little differently, Camilla. Get a different perspective. See the self-harm as self-abuse. Recognize that you are worthy of dignity and respect and love...and that all of that must start with YOU. Love your Self enough to stop cutting. Realize that you are important.

You didn't mention your mother, so I don't know if she's in the picture or if you can talk to her openly. Consider talking to a teacher or a school counsellor, or perhaps the parents of a close friend or someone you trust in your own family. The hotlines listed on my stories page is another resource, a place where you can contact someone to talk confidentially. You don't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being abused. And always remember that what's happening to you is not your fault. You are not to blame. I send you and your sister love, light and healing energy, Camilla. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Jun 05, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Camilla, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.


Jun 05, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Camilla, I really hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Oh, and what your dad does to you is not at all about love; it's just all about power, manipulation and control. He's deeply troubled. Sadly, he never got any help that he still needs because no one is helping him. Oh, and you didn't cause him to abuse you; he CHOSE to abuse you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please say no to suicide because suicide is the permanent mistake to many temporary problems and committing suicide will only let him win, so please don't do that; again, TELL, TELL, TELL!!!

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Child Abuse Story From Victoria

by Victoria
(Massachusetts, USA)

my mom died and I had to live with my grandmother and my father, I was six at the time and my aunt use to sent me here and there to go get this or that to bring it over her room,so my father's cousin use to follow me around but he was maybe twenties, he use to rape me and then ask me to clean up and he would sent me different way and I would try not to be around him a lot but I guess it was impossible he would win all the time I use to be so scared of him.

And then I moved in with my dad and his new wife and my other dad's cousin, he was my history teacher during the day and my rapist at night.I got older still being raped about fifteen got my first boyfriend slept with my boyfriend one time next thing I know I'm pregnant. I had a son, twenty years later I see some signs that I don't like on my son, making me think who is the real dad. Got helped my self now going to get help for my son asap I'm not let him hurt nobody.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 15, 2012
Victoria:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As his mother, do what you need to do in order to help your son. Turn your own pain into power by being an advocate for your son, and in the process, ensure that no one gets harmed. I send you and your son love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


May 17, 2012
...
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Victoria, I have deleted 2 posts from this commenter on this thread so far because she continues to post inappropriate comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Stacy For Charlie

by Stacy
(Location Undisclosed)

Someone I know and love just told me "the rest" of their dirty little secret. I knew that "Charlie" had suffered abuse from his mother. She was an alcoholic and drug addict and would give her children (ages 8 and under) alcohol in their bottles to make them sleep so she didn't need a babysitter to party. When she became drunk, she would slap the penis of my friend, then around 5 to 7 years old. He asked her to stop and it hurt him terribly. She died of cirrohsis when "Charlie" was 8 so the abuse stopped. Well now "Charlie" is 42 and is an alcoholic. He is not abusive but drowns his sorrows daily. He recently hit a "bottom" and confessed to me the rest of the story. After his mom died, his dad remarried and had two more children. The oldest one, "Jack" was ten years younger than "Charlie". "Charlie" was very jealous that "Jack" had a mom and dad and used to punish him in the same way him mom punished him, by slapping his penis. "Charlie" told me that he stopped doing this once "Jack" was old enough to form words and asked him to stop. "Charlie" was probably 12 or 13 at the time.
I want "Charlie" to talk to a counselor but I am worried that this was a crime punishable by law. Even as a preteen, I don't think he understood what he was doing to his little brother. The homes he grew up in were so abusive and many of the females were pregnant by uncles and other family members by the age of 10 or 12. I don't know if he should talk to someone about this, but I think it is the only way for him to let it go. He doesn't think his brother remembers but his brother has made a rough life for himself and "Charlie" carries that burden deepening his abuse of alcohol and drugs.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 21, 2012
Stacy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're a caring and compassionate 'friend'. But as compassionate as you are, this isn't a decision you can make for "Charlie". He has to make it for himself. You can only be there in a supportive capacity regardless of what he decides. What is important to understand is that if the decision to seek professional help is made simply on the basis of whether or not he could be prosecuted now, he will continue to suffer. Like I already stated, HE has to be the one to choose. But just for the record, it's highly unlikely the child "Charlie" abused doesn't remember; chances are he remembers every incident, just as it's likely that "Charlie" remembers all of what happened to him as a child. Yes, "Charlie" was a child at the time, and he was a victim of the same type of abuse. Whether or not that indemnifies him I cannot say because it all depends on where the abuse happened, where he now lives, and the laws of the land. The fact is, I am no longer in a position to be able answer questions for my visitors. I suggest you check out the situation with a lawyer. Thank you for sharing "Charlie's" story with my visitors and me. I send you both love, light and healing energy, Stacy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Shilpi

by Shilpi
(India)

I am 26years old now,but i have been through the trauma of child abuse by my own uncle(my mother's cousin brother)when i was 12 years old.as he always seemed so reliable to my parents,they could never understand his intentions.I was not very good in studies because of which i could not gather confidence in me to tell my parents his reality.I always thought what if they do not trust me.Being a child initially i may not understand his wrong actions,but the day he was about to cross his limit,i was sleeping at that moment with my brothers and sisters,i woke up immediately after realizing his intentions.I give the entire credit to dear
god for awakening and rescuing me at the right time otherwise that night would have haunted me throughout my life.My mother still doesn't know about this incidence as i still do not know how to tell her about his own brother's ill activities."Forget The Past"its easy to say but difficult to do at least for me,i can never forget that scary incidence which grew me instantly.Today I hardly trust my own relatives either.But of course I am not scared,that person should rather be scared and ashamed of his activity.I just want to request all the parents to trust their kids on these sensitive issue at least.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 23, 2012
Shilpi:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you for sharing your story and your all-important message with my visitors and me. I will also say this, sex offenders of children do not change their ways until they are made to stop. He may well be molesting other children to this day. If you no longer stay silent, you could save another child from going through what you went through and worse. I send you love, light and healing energy, Shilpi.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Nicole

by Nicole
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was 11 years old my older brother molested me I'm not sure for how long but everytime my mother left for work he would molest me at the time I though it was normal but at that age I didn't know about sex he would tell me that it was normal when he told me to stroke his private area then he would touch me as far as rubbing his penis on my private area he would try to stick it in but I told him no then when I would take showers he would come in and peek on me but said he couldn't get in because he mite get caught by mom I've never told anyone I'm 19 now and I'm scared, nervous and sick to my stomach of what happened to me I went to a councilor and told her my secret I was crying and a mess but I had to tell someone I couldn't keep it in but now I need to tell my mother but I'm scared I don't how to tell her.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 11, 2012
Nicole:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I feel compelled to say: You did nothing wrong. None of what happened was your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of. These points are important to remember as you go forward telling your mother. It's your brother who did wrong; your brother whose fault it is; your brother who carries the shame; he CHOSE to abuse you. Try not to apply more mature adult values to what you did and didn't do as a child. What's important now is taking care of your Self. I highly recommend that you have a support system in place before you tell your mother, a support system that you can lean on regardless of her response. You may find it necessary and very helpful to lean on more counselling after you tell your mother, assuming you decide to go forward and tell her. Again, none of what happened was your fault, Nicole, none of it. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 12, 2012
Healing
by: Rita M

Hi Nicole
The abuse you endured from your brother was not your fault no matter which way you look at it.
You are carrying his shame.You don't deserve that.
I am so proud of you for telling someone your story and letting your feelings out.
There is long term therapy at no cost.Therapy is wanderful and puts you at ease in many ways.You learn about boundries.You also learn how to understand about being asseretive on issues that
are important to you.Therapists are well trained
and care how you feel.The therapist is there and
makes sure you are comfortable and safe.What ever
you discuss is confidential.You are allowed to laugh,cry and say what is on your heart.When you
are strong enough you will feel confindent to tell
your mother if you choose.I would like to also suggest that you confront your brother and tell
him the damages he did.It is not too late to charge him.I am sorry for what has happened to you.You need to realize that there is hope and that you are are worth it.God Bless
Rita M

From Darlene - Webmaster: I must point out that I do not advocate confronting your abuser. Confrontations are typically wracked with denials, minimizations and worse, pointing the finger of blame to the victim. All this serves to re-victimize. Very few confrontations end with an admission of guilt and responsibility taken by the abuser, which is generally the fantasy of confrontations. Such a decision is always up to the person who was abused, but if one decides to confront their abuser, make sure there is plenty of support services available if and when things go horribly wrong.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 12, 2012
peace
by: Rita M

Dear Nicole
I thought I would perhaps make you feel more at ease on something here.I had suggested confrontation to your abuser.I just wanted to clairify to you that is not always necessary to do that.The main thing of healing is that you gain a deep peacefulness and have a happy life ahead of you.Once you bring the hurts out it is gone and it isn't always necessary to bring the issues from the past.May you go on in life with a
peaceful heart and well being.God Bless
Rita M

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Child Abuse Story From Caitlin

by Caitlin
(Britain)


I don't really know if this was child abuse towards me but, I only remember things from the age of 8 onwards my dad was/is a no good cocaine and cannabis using alcoholic he would come home late whenever he was off of work drunk and usually high you could tell he was high because of his cold grey eyes that would look you up and down.
(My mum was a completely lovely mum sometimes she'd give us the odd tap but nothing else)she would usually be asleep he would come in her room start an argument with her chuck her off the bed he would slap her, punch her, pull her hair and even strangle her. i would be putting my fingers in my ears screaming so i wouldn't have to hear anything.
one time my older brother tried to help her. He rugby tackled my dad my dad started strangling him my brother was only 11 once me and my twin brother ran in the rain without any shoes crying sopping wet to his friends house.
They called the police they came to calm him down and never arrested him or charged him with ANYTHING. i had always been uncomfortable around him. He was very controlling towards my mum. he STILL is when ever she goes to the shop. He wants her receipts, she's not allowed any friends. She does EVERYTHING for him. when ever he attacks her she says she'll take us and leave him but she NEVER does.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Caitlin

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Apr 14, 2012
Caitlin:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You ARE being emotionally abused, specifically, terrorizing as a result of witnessing family violence. I realize that your mother is afraid of your father, which is partly why she hasn't acted to keep you and your siblings safe. But it's her job to keep you safe and to remove you from any situation that is threatening. As a result of her failure to keep you safe, she is neglecting your needs. This is also a form of abuse. Please contact ChildLine on 0800 1111. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.donthideit.com

You and your siblings don't deserve to live in this terrorizing environment. You and your siblings deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. I send you and your siblings love, light and healing energy, Caitlin. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 14, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Caitlin, I really hope that you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Something's seriously wrong with your dad because he is deeply troubled and he needs help. As for your mom, she could've done more to protect you. Anyway, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until someone will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Kenneth G

by Kenneth G
( New York, USA)

I'm a 14 years old asian school boy whos about to go to highschool, and my mom is divorced with my dad 3 years ago and right now i have to live with my mom. now here is the thing, it was last weeks thursday around 7PM-8PM where i came back home from my friends house after our project was being completed, and all the sudden my mom came out of the room and start to hitting me asking me where i was for 1 hour and 30 minutes but i told her before thst i was going out side to do some work but she ignored me i guess. after 2 minutes of hardcore beating on my face, she start to use items that was hard like my post board then switching to hard items like wooden broomstick and thank god my neihbor(i think i spelled it wrong) came out and stoped her. my nose was bleeding and i had 3 scars at the side of my cheek. i decided that i should move out and find my brother then live with him instead but since he just came back from iraq, i want him to rest for a while. i was trying tofight back but i thought that i cannot hit a woman even when im right on the point where im about to. so everyday when i come home i have to lock my self in my room after i go to bathrrom and finish my dinner, i feel really uncomfrotable in my apartment.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kenneth G

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May 02, 2012
Kenneth:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can certainly understand your discomfort and even fear. Your mother lost control that day. While she has a right and a responsibility to know where you are and who you're with, she doesn't have the right to beat you. I suggest you contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You deserve to feel safe, Kenneth. Call the number to talk to one of the counsellors there. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 02, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Kenneth, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mom and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! That isn't discipline; that's just torture. She's deeply troubled and sadistic. I really hope that you're out of that house now. She has the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at all costs. Next time she lays a hand on you ever again, please consider reporting her ASAP. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Maybe she's probably frustrated with her own life and chose to take it out on you; sadly, she never got any help that she needs because, unfortunately, no one is helping her, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Scarlett E

by Scarlett E
(United Kingdom)


I don't really think the time I've had is as hard as the times of some others on this site, but it still feels nice to share it.
Firstly, I'll explain about my mother. She was abused physically and mentally as a child and is suicidal and depressed now as a result. I'm not exactly sure when it started, but my dad has wanted to leave my mum for a very long time. Instead of leaving (my dad has always been too scared to make decisions)he just only concentrated on work, putting no time aside for his children at all. I mean, that hurt but not as much as what mum did. She would scream at me constantly about the tiniest things. For example, if I wet the bed at the age of 5 she'd scream and call me things like "worthless" and "disgusting". I remember once when I was ill with a stomach bug- around 7 or 8- and threw up on the carpet because I couldn't get to the toilet on time, she'd yell at me and made me clean up all the mess and the smell made me so nauseous I felt like I was going to throw up again, but thank god my stomach was empty. On top of all the Emotional abuse at home from my mum, I also got bullied since I was 5 years old. By the time I was 9 I felt useless, worthless and fat. I'd forever compare myself to other girls and, eventually, I stopped eating. This was mainly because I wanted mum to see how much she had hurt me but neither my mum or my dad noticed. I started pulling out my hair and had a bald patch on the front of my head. While I was a thin child and not eating, my mum would still call me fat and ugly. Say things like "I wish I could kill you" or "I wish I'd never had you". If I ever cried or annoyed her in any other way (or sometimes just because she had had a bad day at work) she'd make me stand outside the house in the freezing cold for a few hours until I "decided to respect her"
Time passed in exactly the same way for many years and I began to become so fake I didn't feel like I had an identity any more. I'd copy the way other people behaved and on the outside I made everyone laugh so they wouldn't hate me, but on the inside there was a constant pain in my chest and I felt hollow. When I was 14 I cut for the first time instead of pulling out my hair or scratching. I have cut since that age getting increasingly deeper and trying to drain myself of all my blood. I had tried to kill myself quite a few times and, when I was 15, I decided to tell a friend. They persuaded me to tell my mum, telling me all the things she would say to me and help me with. Stupidly, I listened, and went home to talk to my mum. I showed her my arm and she stared at it in disgust and said "no wonder you cut, you're so ugly and fat and stupid" and said some other things I don't want to recall. I ran into the bathroom with my phone and locked myself in there. I called a friend who was famous for escaping from her house in tricky situations, and while I was, my mum was banging on the bathroom door calling me a coward. Through the curtain of tears I explained to my friend what was going on and she helped me to run out the house. I went to my best friend's house and her mum spoke to me for an hour, and at around 11pm I finally went home and I will never forget what mum said: "was it worth it running away? I'm ashamed to have you as a daughter. Your best friend's mum only helped you because she doesn't have to live with you and her daughter is much cleverer and prettier"
After a few suicide attempts, and by the end disappearing into my room around 3 times a day to cut, I was put into a psychiatric ward for adolescents after dragging myself to Accident & Emergency at a local hospital. Thank god I live in the UK so everything was free.
I'm still in hospital now, and have been told that I have "Borderline Personality Disorder". It's kind of a relief to have a label- especially since everything on the list of symptoms reflects me- because it means there are other people out there like me.
The future looks a bit brighter, but I'm probably just saying that because I don't like to disappoint people.
To be honest, I feel no better and have been at hospital for 5 months.
I hope one day it will get better, but I'll just have to wait and see... or die.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Scarlett E

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Apr 28, 2012
Scarlett:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are NOT the terrible things your mother called you. The horrible things she said to you were and still are LIES. You said it yourself, she is troubled, deeply disturbed and twisted in her ways of thinking. You ARE worthy of dignity and respect and love. Emotional abuse cuts the deepest scars, because they affect how we think of our Selves. My mother said very similar things to me, including comparing me to others: they were prettier, thinner, smarter, lovable but I was fat and ugly and stupid and worthless and useless and she wished I'd never been born. Only when I came to understand how these were all lies was I able to begin my journey of healing and recovery. You CAN overcome this. I did so by giving my Self all that I didn't get but needed by my parents. I rewrote the messages that were lies and put positive messages in their place, which were truths. You are likely in some form of counselling or therapy. Go into each session completely open to the process. It's the most loving thing you could ever do for your Self. And you ARE deserving of that love because you ARE lovable. Always remember that. And you ARE beautiful, Scarlett, VERY beautiful. Believe it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 29, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Scarlett, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to abuse and berate you 24/7...how dare he! That isn't discipline; that's just torture...and she is deeply troubled and sadistic. Oh, and she is wrong. You are not ugly; you are not fat; you are not disgusting; you are beautiful. You are not stupid; you are smart. You are not a coward; You are not useless; you are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you are sadistically denied of. She has such a talented, beautiful, intelligent daughter that she needs to be grateful for. Oh, and those nasty names that she called you are nothing but lies. Mature, stable adults don't scream and yell at anyone; mature, stable adults don't call anyone names; especially their own precious children; only mentally sick, deeply disturbed people would resort to such immature, childish tactics. Maybe she is frustrated with her own life and chose to take it out on you; sadly, she never got any help that she needs because, sadly, no one is helping her. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. She's got all the power; she chose to misuse it over you.

Apr 29, 2012
I know exactly how you feel...
by: Melissa

Dear Scarlett,

I can't believe how similar your story is to mine - down to the part where your mum made you clean up your vomit when you were a kid because you couldn't make it to the toilet on time. My mum did exactly the same when I had food poisoning at around age 7 or 8. She was the same with my younger brother who has a serious kidney disease, which caused him to wet the bed when he was a child.

I read Darlene's memoir which helped a lot. Although I regret never standing up to my mum the way Darlene did. I'm still very angry over things that happened in my childhood, especially about the time I took an overdose and neither she or my dad called an ambulance. Instead they let me suffer for 5 days, while I vomited up the paracetamol and caused permanent damage to my liver. To me, it proves she was guilty, so I phoned her just now (for the first time in almost 2 years) to ask her why. Her answer was that at 13 years old I was very independent and I would have called a doctor myself if I had wanted one. She hasn't changed. These people are the sick ones, not us.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're in hospital and things haven't changed. I haven't had any treatment apart from a little therapy, as my problems since leaving home haven't been as serious as yours, but I still find it hard to let go of that stuff and move on with my life. I'm 30 years old and have never been in a relationship longer than 3 months. I feel like there's no hope and wish I could just end it, but I can't because of the way it would affect my little brother who I have a very good relationship with.

I don't know how I can help you, other than to let you know that I know exactly how you feel. I hope you find that comforting. I found your story comforting in a strange way. At least someone else has been through exactly the same.

I really hope you get better somehow. You sound like a positive person to me and I think you have the strength to overcome this.

Melissa

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Child Abuse Story From Helen

by Helen
(United Kingdom)

im currently in an abusive family. i was adopted from the age of 3 along with my sister who was 4. ever since i can remember my dad has sexually abused me and he started to have sex with me at the age of 12. im now 13 and every day of my life he acts in a sexual way calling me names and talking dirty. i dont want any trouble because i know he loves me and you dont bite the hand that feeds you. p.s he is a christian and my mum dosent know about him being like this, he attacks me more than my sister.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Helen

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May 26, 2012
Helen:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I understand your reluctance to tell someone. Understand that telling does NOT "bite the hand that feeds you". Leaving you with that belief is a way to control and manipulate you. Your father is taking advantage of your youth, your vulnerabilities and your love of him. Nothing can change until you no longer keep the secret. Recognize that Christian values do not permit sexual abuse. You're not having sex "with" him; he is sexually abusing you. There are signs that you and your sister are being abused in this way, therefore, it's very difficult to comprehend how your mother wouldn't know that at the very least, something isn't right. There is no way to stop him without telling someone, Helen. Sex abusers don't stop until they are made to stop by someone who exposes what they are doing. He may ultimately stop with you and then your sister, but there is every likelihood that he will go on to sexually abuse others. That's what pedophiles do. You obviously don't feel comfortable telling your mother, so please tell a school counsellor or a trusted teacher. Consider contacting ChildLine on 0800 1111. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.donthideit.com

You and your sister don't deserve to be sexually abused. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you are being sexually abused. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Helen.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 12, 2012
Please Tell Someone Now
by: Anonymous

Dear Helen,

Please tell someone. Please tell as soon as you can. Darlene is right. This will not stop unless you tell and he is made to stop. Save yourself AND your sister by telling. You are obviously being manipulated that you think "you don't bite the hands that feed you". This is wrong. He is abusing you. You have the right to fight for yourself and your sister. What he is doing to you and your sister is wrong. Please tell your teacher, a friend, or neighbor. Someone who can help you. This is what you are supposed to do in order for the abuse to end. God bless you, Helen. Remember, what you are going through is not your fault. Please tell now, heal and be happy. Pray to God always.

Love,
Anonymous

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Child Abuse Story From Evie

by Evie
(Location Undisclosed)

The first time that I can remember being abused was when I was about 3 years old. I was born to my parents who were 18 when they had me. I lived with my dad, his mum and brother. His brother, my uncle was 15 at the time. He was baby sitting me and I was in the bath. He crouched down beside me and told me that we were going to play a special game. I wasn't allowed to tell anybody. He said that it would just be between us. I agreed thinking we would play a cool game. I watched him as he took off his clothes and sat down next to me in the bath. He began to touch me, tickling me to make me laugh. He then said it was time to get out and he needed to dry me off. He started to touch my private parts and had me rub against him. He rubbed the towel so hard against me that my private area was red raw. He then put me to bed. My dad and grandma said that the rash would have been nappy rash as I wore one to bed still. He had played that game until I was about 7 or 8. He began to come into my room while I was sleeping and he would rape me. I still remember the foot steps then his hand placed over my mouth. It would happen usually once a week until I was 12. It was then at school we had a talk with police about child abuse and I realized how bad what he was doing to me and it wasn't normal. I told him that I was going to tell my dad about what he was doing to me. He began to hit and punch me. I remember screaming. One of the neighbors heard me screaming and called the police. When they came I had passed out and he was raping me. My uncle went to jail for two years. Later that year my grandma passed away from cancer and I moved away with my dad to start over. I have been in therapy since then and suffer nightmares and flash backs. I'm now 16.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Evie

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May 05, 2012
Evie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I do hope that being with your dad is now a safe place for you, and I'm delighted you're in therapy. Therapy can help you to bring healing into your life, and to help you to understand that what happened was not your fault. Always remember that blame and shame belongs squarely on the shoulders of your abuser. He knew what he was doing was wrong, yet he continued to hurt you, physically, sexually and emotionally. I'm so proud of your for telling, and that he went to jail, even for a short time. It meant he was no longer able to abuse you, or others. Stay in therapy. Go into each session with the commitment to share your feelings and emotions, without shame, without blame, without boundaries. Doing so will help you walk the path of healing and recovery; and you're so worthy of that. I send you love, light and healing energy, Evie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Leah

by Leah
(England)

I just found this site But I'm not sure how much I should write on here I'm nearly 13 years old and don't know what to do my parents split up about a year ago. At first I was really happy because I didn't have to put up with all the dirty stuff know more. He promised me that if I kept going to see him it wouldn't happen anymore, But things are getting worse now and my mum has a new boyfriend and my dad is on his own and if I stop going to see him he won't have anyone and it makes me feel guilty and he says he don't mean to hurt me and that he loves me and he keeps crying saying if anyone finds out they will lock him up and that would be my fault. I feel horrible inside like I'm dirty. I don't like going to school because I feel like the teachers look at me funny,and I'm scared they will find out and I don't want to hurt anyone or get my Dad in trouble.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Leah

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Jun 01, 2012
Leah:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

None of what's happening is your fault. NONE OF IT. Always remember that. You are NOT dirty and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Guilt, shame and blame fall solely on the shoulders of your father for sexually abusing you. Leah, your father is a very sick man. He's a pedophile. He won't stop until he's made to stop. He's playing a game with you, difficult as that is to believe right now. I know it's not fair that you have to deal with this, and I know you love him because he's your father. But he's doing something very bad, something insidious: he's "grooming" you to make sure you never tell the secret. This is a difficult thing for a 13-year-old to understand, but I'm going to be honest with you: He's using your youth and your vulnerabilities to ensure you keep that secret because he knows what he's doing is wrong and he's afraid of getting caught. He's playing on your emotional ties to him and the situation he now finds himself in. This is not something you can keep quiet about. The trouble he'll get into is not because you tell, it's because he's committing criminal acts against you, and quite possibly other children too. Tell your mother, Leah. If you really don't feel like you can, than talk to a counsellor at school or a trusted teacher. Believe me when I say that none of the teachers will look at you in a negative way, as though you're the one who did something wrong. They'll know it was your father who did wrong. The choice to stay quiet is one that you've done to protect your father, and out of fear for how people will perceive you, but that's only your perception, one that assumes you've done something wrong; and I've already stated that you've done nothing wrong. Tell...and keep telling until someone will listen to you. Your father must be made to stop, not just with you, but with others or potential others too. Consider contacting ChildLine on 0800 1111. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.donthideit.com

You don't deserve to be sexually abused. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you are being sexually abused. I send you love, light and healing energy, Leah. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 01, 2012
thanks
by: Leah

Thank you just for answering me.I'm sitting in my bedroom on my laptop, which my dad brought for me,its quite late here but its good cause I can be on my own. I'm so scared my heart is pounding and I can't stop shaking.

Jun 01, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To Lisa, and all visitors to this thread, I've deleted the comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

Jun 05, 2012
Leah,
by: AnonymousT

Hi Leah,
I know when we're 13 it's hard to make decisions as big as this.

But as an outsider, a 3rd person, I can tell you that what he's doing is wrong. He says things he knows will cause you to feel guilt. He is not showing you how a father should treat a daughter, he's showing you how to be a victim.
That sucks. You deserve better.

You sound like you're reaching out. We're here to say to you that there are ways to get help. First I believe in telling. Tell, if they don't believe - tell someone else. Again & again until you're heard. Scary, but you are so brave for reaching out & telling us your story.
You are brave.

Look at the info & numbers Darlene gave. Reach out over & over. You'll notice the more you tell, the lighter you feel. Sure it's scary, but it's not your secret to keep - it's his. You've done nothing shameful, he has.

Your teachers aren't looking at you funny unless they suspect you're not safe. All teens think adults look at them funny, that's normal & even more so when we're hurting. It's easy to feel weird & self conscious when we're not happy.

I am the mother of a 13 yr old daughter. I would move mountains to make sure she's safe. I don't know you - but I hope you'll find that courage deep inside & tell. I wish safety & happiness for you.

T

Jun 10, 2012
You are the key
by: Anonymous

Leah,
You are the key to your dad changing his life. Yes he will be upset with you for a while, but if he truely loves you, he will thank you in the end. You know what the right thing to do is, all you need is the courage to do it. Who knows if there is someone else that he is abusing. How much do you love your dad? Please report this so that he can get the help he needs. My prayers are with you and your family, God bless you.

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Child Abuse Story From Audrey

by Audrey
(Glasgow)

my abuse started when i was 5yrs old by that of my brother and also with my stepfather when i was seven yrs old thus my own mother informed police and socialwork where called in i was removed from the house and taken to a foster family where i thought i was safe. Forget it. I went docile and with drawn from peers who failed such as socialwork who reassigned me back to my mother and the two abusers i went from home to home from one place to another i even got abused by my brother at 9yrs when he was 18yrs old. Try oral sex and i was crying but socialwork sent me home to this i was not believed i cut my wrists at 12yrs old while i was in care. My life got ruined by socialwork who made up there own fiction. As for kids nowadays i hope they get better treated than i ever did. As the abuse never leaves your brain and the torment is still there. You have feelings of guilt hatred and resentment against people in athority who failed to protect you. And you feel betraid by even so called friends and even family who failed by not listening. You feel you want to kill your abusers with sychoctic thoughts that they where dead. I do know this is a game to officials such as socialwork and lawyers doctors police and so ön. These people have done the damage and theres no repair for that damage. so if you read this you will understand what i suffered. Maybe u have went through same issue if so we are the same. Thank you. Audrey.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Audrey

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Apr 26, 2012
Audrey:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You were betrayed by the people who were in charge of keeping you safe, and abandoned by the by those very same people. The system failed you when they were there to protect you. You deserved—and still deserve—to be treated with dignity and respect and love; but you were denied that dignity and respect and love. The healing process begins with YOU, Audrey. I begins when you start treating your SELF with dignity and respect and love. You are not what you lived. You are so much more than that. Who You Really Are goes so much deeper than what you experienced growing up. Please consider some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured. You deserve that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 29, 2012
I can relate
by: Rita M

Hi Audrey,
I am proud of you for expressing your feelings.
That is the first step.You endured alot of hurts.
There is hope in getting healed from the abuse.Therapists are well trained people that
take the time to listen to you.You learn to say
what is on your heart and what is bothering you.
You learn about boundaries.I found that taking therapy made me happier and stronger because the pain was going away.I can still remember the abuse but the pain is not there.Reach out.It`s
worth it.I can relate to your story.I am a different person because of going for help.Therapy was free of charge [for me].You deserve it.The betrayal and anger you feel will go away because
you are looking after yourself.I hope the best for you.Take care of yourself.Be free.
Rita M

Apr 30, 2012
the pain that never leaves you.
by: audrey

i would like to thank a lady who left me a comment to which i say thank you. I would say the pain does not go away even through the abuse that i recieved. I feel pain that deep that i even tryed to commit suicide when i was an adult. I also did go and see sychologists for counciling and talk theripys the only time this pain will leave is when i die. And i can not forgive or forget what these people did period. I still get scared to leave the house call that what u may? I get paranoid as though iam still being judged even though i was a victom even to this day i become with drawn and dont usually talk anymore as if my lips have been sawn together iam very wairey of people altogether. And when i do say anything about myself i feel people will løøk at me and say to themselfs is she like that also. This is why i have became the way iam i dont trust any one in my life anymore as people tend to lie to save themselfs even perportaitors do it with ease! And ill always blaim goverment agents for that i was brough up in a convent home i sayed my prayers i did what was expected of me to be hönest and truthful which i am so it then discusts me when people can lie fabricate the truth and police and courts dönt believe you. When of course you have evidence to prove this the justice system is a kangarro court room. And like i say judges nowadays should listen to the victoms and place judgement on the officials who dident take actiön when it happen. To the victom. Thank you audrey.

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Child Abuse Story From Silent Death

by Silent Death (SD)
(Location Undisclosed)

I haven't used that name in forever, but I thought it would be a good heading since I don't want to give out my real name. I have been emotional and sexually abused. It isn't the worst, but I just wish I could tell the whole story to someone. I've been with this amazing guy who I plan on getting married to, so I wanted to confess somehow. I was molested by someone with the initials of MW, a regular nobody that my gay uncle so happen to fall deeply and madly in Love with b/c of his "resemblance" to John Stamos and also with the cowboy moustache. He was disgusting to me. I was 7 yrs old and wearing a barbie girl nightgown. He come in on top of me and took off my panties while I was asleep and rubbed his private area against mine, hard. When I woke up, I realized this, he told me to kiss him. For a long time I thought it was a dream until he tried doing it again. After that I was messed up and committed sexual acts with cousins, but that stopped. I was emotionally abused by my mother. She would come up with these outrageous notions. I wouldn't have such a passionate hatred for her if there wasn't so much she is to blame for. I am seventeen and now in the process of getting my life back. I have cut off all ties with her and as soon as I am eighteen I plan on admitting her and taking custody of my little brother. When I am old enough she will be the mother I want her to be, since I never had one when I needed it. Thank you for reading.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 09, 2012
To SD:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There are so many issues to deal with, but not enough space of time to do so here. First, when you use the word "confess", you imply that you are to blame for what happened to you. You're not to blame. Blame and shame belongs squarely on the shoulders of your abusers. He was a pedophile. He sexually abused you. You mentioned doing sexual acts with cousins...that's not uncommon with children who were themselves sexually abused, especially at a very young age. Such children can and do become what is called "sexually intrusive". You need help in order to deal with both of these perceptions. I am a little confused about what you were trying to say at the very end, about your mother being the kind of mother you needed in time. I don't know if you have the power to commit your mother to an institution, and then get custody of your little brother. But what I can say is that you cannot force your mother to be something she cannot be. You can only BE the kind of mothering-figure to your little brother that you yourself didn't have in your own mother. Perhaps that's what you intended to say. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with all you've endured. You didn't deserve to be abused in any way. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. Don't stay "Silent Death", don't stay silent any longer. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 15, 2012
You're not alone.
by: Anonymous

This really hit me hard when I read this. I am also 17 & have gone through similar things with my step father. My mom knew it had happened yet always blamed me for it. Some adults just should not be allowed to have children. Keep your head up.

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Child Abuse Story From Max

by Max
(Australia)

Child Abuse & Neglect: 
Every day me and my sister get abused by our father sometimes when hes drunk sometimes not im 12 and my sister is 15 dad calls her abysuve names like sh**head cow wh**e b***h and so in he hits us and makes us cry most of the times its very scary to watch someone you live get abused




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 22, 2012
Max:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I urge you to contact the Australian Kids Help Line at 1800 55 1800. KHL have counsellors who will listen to you and discuss your options. The service is available 24 hours a day for children, youth and young adults between the ages of 5 - 25. Their counselling services are free, confidential, and you can remain anonymous. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.kidshelp.com.au/template/standard.aspx?s=129&p=104&r=2&b=1

You and your sister deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Please call the number or go onto their website and connect with them that way. I send you and your sister love, light and healing energy, Max. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Robyn

by Robyn
(Tennessee, USA)

I was about four years old and my two cousins were staying the night at my house... They were about 16 at the time... While my one cousin was playing video games my other cousin told me we were going to play something fun... Being four I thought it would be cool... But he told me to lay by my bed and he pulled my pants down and "ate me out" is what they would call it... I don't remember it much... But he said that it was to be a secret and not tell... Well he did it again later that night while I was sleeping... I remember waking up and asking something like what are you doing... He did it to me a few more times at my aunts(his grandmother) house... I finally told my parents... They tried to take it to court but the lawyer had said that it would have to be taken to another county that wasnt even were it happened... My parents decided that because we live in a small town that it was best to just keep it a secret so no one judged me because I had been through alot... I don't see him anymore but I do know he got a girl pregnant and has about three kids... Im 17 now and I try to forget but at times it's hard... I don't want people to know cause were I live everyone would turn there backs... None of my friends know...I know my parents picked a decision they thought was right and probably one I would have picked but I wish he would suffer... Most of my family knows what happened... His grandmother (my aunt) chooses to act like everythings alright because her dad and step dad raped her and her sisters as kids... As did her husband to their daughters... I just wanted others to know that if it's happened to them they aren't the only ones and even though it maybe hard at times... Talk about it... And take it day by day




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 21, 2012
Robyn:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The shame is not for you to carry. Shame and blame are solely on the shoulders of your abuser. And it's highly unlikely that you were his only victim. The fact that he sexually abused you means he likely sexually abused others as well. What he did is still affecting you, so please consider some form of counselling or therapy. You did nothing wrong. What you did was show extreme courage by telling. Thank you for sharing your story and your all-important message with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Robyn.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 22, 2012
Robyn,
by: AnonymousT

What Darlene says is true.

Someone said it very wisely to me once,
"It's not your secret to keep, it's the abusers."

I understand how small towns can be, but there are so many anonymous resources out there because of the net. Sometimes just writing helps.

Lots of peace and courage to you,
T

Jun 22, 2012
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you both for the comments. it really does help to hear positive feedback over something that i consider terrible that happened in my life.

From Darlene - Webmaster: You're very welcome, Robyn. Keep your head held high.

Jun 25, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Robyn, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 3 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.


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Child Abuse Story From Jerry

by Kerry
(Texas, USA)

I was raped by my father when I was 4 and watched pornographic movies also. I never told anyone, even after my sister made allegations of abuse. I felt so sick about it later on when I finally realized the enormity of his crimes. Even so, I don't hate him but I do feel somewhat sorry for him. He's completely alone and has a severe depression problem. I am 40 now and this is the first time I have ever put it down in 'writing.' I never acted like I believed my sister but secretly I was in turmoil. My sister's life was never the same and she has gone downhill precipitously recently. Mine has also. I can't seem to make lasting relationships and tend to alienate anyone that is close to me. I drove my wife of 14 years to divorce me and even my daughter has turned against me and has become a very dishonest and promiscuous 17 year old. My life is in shambles and the only two people I ever truly loved and cared about pretend that I've never existed.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 27, 2012
Jerry:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Continuing to keep this terrible secret will continue to keep you and your sister in a prison that has no key, no chance of escape. And neither of you deserve this. Freedom comes with truth, even when that truth is excruciatingly painful or unbearable. Consider talking to your sister about what happened, even though there will likely be repercussions when you admit what you couldn't as a child. Perhaps there is a way for both of you to begin to heal, together. Be honest with your sister, take responsibility for your part, but be sure to forgive your Self too. After all, you were a child at the time, a very frightened child, a child who couldn't be expected to know better. And consider seeking out some form of therapy or counselling in order to deal with what you endured and to gain some perspective about the shame and guilt you still carry, shame and guilt that is not yours to bear. Neither you nor your sister deserved to be abused. Both you and your sister deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you both love, light and healing energy, Jerry. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 27, 2012
Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

Inappropriate comments deleted.

Jun 29, 2012
you still have one person left
by: michelle f

Jerry I've been there,you will get better,you said the only two people you really love has left,you need to love you first!!!!!Get counseling and try to live your life happy,sometimes we are in so much pain from what has happened we don't see we are putting others in pain with us,sometimes they just need to get out of the pain which is what we need to do.I'm not saying it will fix your life but it will make it better,

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Child Abuse Story From Lauren

by Lauren
(Missouri, USA)

I feel like I was born with a red mark on my forehead screaming "Kick her where it hurts!"

My story begins 22 years ago. I was born into poor conditions, but it was a two parent home. My parents weren't religious when I was born, but by the time I was a toddler had found a grounding in a tight knit church that, for the sake of privacy I won't say the name or denomination, only that it has been speculated to be a cult.
I for one, can vouch for this.

My father worked long hours, sometimes up to 90 hours a week as a maintenance man just to put food on the table and clothes on our backs. My mom stayed at home and did the raising of the children and housework.
We were homeschooled, and told that public schools tarnished our minds, and that the church was the only safe place.

My father had a love-hate relationship with the church, and between working long hours and fighting his own personal demons, thought it only fit to mentally and emotionally terrorize his children.

When I was four my father hit me in the back of the head with his open hand because I left dolls on my bedroom floor. He didn't typically strike me, or my siblings, but he often would tell me I was stupid, lazy, dumb, inconsiderate, fat...The list goes on and on.
He would rant that the government and music were trying to control us and our minds. It was terrifying.
When I was six, I went to a picnic held by the church and a teenage boy was there. He decided to play with me, and ended up taking me into a barn on the property and raped me. He kept telling me I was pretty and that this was a great way to be "friends". He asked me to touch him on his penis and then proceeded to penetrate me.
I was so traumatized and confused I blocked this incident out for years.

It was only fitting that I would later associate this with my father snarling at me one day when I was eleven, telling me I was a "Trick" and a "Tramp". He began calling me names like "Wideload" and "Dummy"...I hit puberty at 7, and had gained weight due to this, by no means was I overweight, but even if I was, what kind of father would do this?

As I got older, my father felt more free to use physical force - he shoved me down a hallway when I was 16 and twisted my arm, shoving me onto a couch when I was 18.
These incidents were few and far between, but the sexual abuse I suffered as a child combined with my father's constant emotional tyranny made me feel insane, unloved, disgusting, worthless.
My father once told me when I was 12 that no man would ever want to marry me.
He told me that I was getting breasts, and that if I kept wearing low cut shirts, men and boys would think I was "cheap", and that they would believe I would be willing to "screw anything". This was when I was older; 13-17.

When I was fourteen, my older sibling attempted suicide. During that time, I was treated really well by both parents, but I both saw and heard screams of frustration, an almost maniacal rage from my mother.
She was better than my father when I was a child, but as I grew to be a teenager, I would say and do things - like question the church's teachings - and would either receive violent outbursts of rage from my mother, or icy silent treatments that lasted for hours or sometimes days.
Because I was homeschooled, and had only members of the congregation as witnesses to anything involving my family, no one noticed the downhill slide I took.
As a child, before the sexual abuse that I believe caused a good deal of the damage, I was spirited, loved laughing and getting hugs. I would talk to anyone, play with anyone.
After that, I became quiet, jumpy, withdrawn, afraid. People noticed, my mother questioned; I always had the feeling though, that no one really wanted to know.
Ignorance is bliss, right? It'll blow over.
My family was and still is extremely private. My father would curl his lip in disgust and tell us that the government and it's child welfare divisions were trying to control American families. We were never to "discuss family problems" with outsiders, and certainly, if it was discovered we mentioned my father's name calling and yelling fits, we would be lectured, manipulated and berated back into submission.

Being sexually abused was horrendous. It is a bad memory that I fight every day. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress due solely to the rape.

Because of the rape combined with the emotional abuse that I lived with on a daily basis, I was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder, as well as, more recently, Depression.
I still feel as though I am a walking freakshow. I know this is irrational, but it's hard to get out of the cycle, and forget the name calling, the terror...I just want to heal.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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May 20, 2012
Lauren:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father is deeply disturbed, and he took out his own demons on you; that you already know. I'll pass this along to you...you don't have to "forget" the name-calling in order to heal; you only need to replace the lies with the truth: that you are ("I AM") beautiful, smart, loving, compassionate, a lovely woman, worthy of love, worthy of dignity, worthy of respect. The name-calling is no longer coming from the original abusive source; it's now coming from You. That's great news, because it means you can change it. Lean on your Self, Lauren, not on the labels a doctor has given you. Recognize that you have within you the capacity to heal. Wake up every morning and tell your Self how wonderful you are, because you ARE wonderful. Wake up every day with the words, "I intend _____" and then fill in the blank (to be healthy, to have abundance, to have love in my life). Just stay with positive intentions. None of the "I intend to not feel pain"; change that to "I intend to be well." Now is the time for healing. You already want it. Start from within your Self. The healing path is there. I send you love, light and healing energy, Lauren. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 20, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Lauren, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to that sick, sadistic monster of a dad and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! I really hope that you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Oh, and he is wrong. You're not stupid; you're not dumb; you're not lazy; you are not insane; you are smart and articulate. You are not inconsiderate; you are a kind person and he is the one who is inconsiderate. You are not fat; you are not disgusting; you are not ugly; you are beautiful. You are not unlovable; you are lovable. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect; never ever believe any of those lies that he was spewing. Mature, stable adults don't scream and yell at anyone; mature, stable adults don't call anyone names, especially their own precious children; mature, stable adults would never do what he did to you. Oh, and as for public schools, they don't tarnish anyone's minds; in fact, they ACTUALLY educate us, since public education really makes us strong. As for that pervert who raped you, he needs to go to prison as well, since perverts don't stop until they're made to stop. Anyway, you are not to blame for your parents' sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Again, I really hope that you're in a safe place now.

May 30, 2012
Thank You
by: Lauren

Hello, I am the author of this story.

First, I want to thank both of you for your words of encouragement; I am attempting to heal and I have officially entered therapy!

To Anonymous: While my parents have made their fair share of mistakes in the past [my father to verbally abuse, my mother to sit back and let it happen for starters], I do not blame them. I do not hate them. I will never forget it, but I have learned forgiveness.

Despite all of this, as an adult, I have a decent relationship with my father - a distant one, but we share birthdays, Christmas and other holidays.

I do not believe my father is a monster - if he knew what that man did to me as a child, he would be the first to run out and kill him, personally. Which is one of the multitude of reasons I have told neither him nor my mother.
My father is a very flawed human being, who suffered abuse and rejection. None of this excuses what he did, but I know that he has to live with his choices just as much, if not more than, I do.
I am in no way excusing or undermining the abuse he laid upon me, certainly not. I am simply explaining that while the choices he made did damage to both myself and my siblings...He is one of the rare people who did change. He's quieter, softer, less domineering in his old age.
Most people do not get that.

Again, thank you for your comments and words of encouragement. God bless.

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Child Abuse Story From Pretty Girl

by "Pretty Girl"
(Canada)

I had a great childhood, I have many happy memories, many smiling pictures, the ones I was crying in was stolen away by my father. Get it? it wasn't great, on the outside, it was a facade, but it wasn't that bad, I had sleepovers with friends, birthday parties, horseback riding, but because I was pretty I was battered by strangers, teased at school relentlessly from jealous classmates, battered by jealous parents, battered by jealous relatives both physically and emotionally.

Being young was really hard, I need protection of a guard but my parents pretending not to listen, so I was sexually abused by many guys who could just take me and nothing would happen. It started when I was 11, I even got hit on when I was as young as 8, they were really stupid guys, unrefined, grubby and relentless. As if my life wasn't a living hell already, I could not go to school because I was constantly being threatened. I dropped out and started doing drugs and taken advantage of more. Called the police? I did, they needed to be sued, but my parents weren't around. I was constantly getting kicked out of the house, I lived a long time homeless and I starved at the hands of my parents and society. No one did anything. No one cared.

I tried to sell myself to a pizza driver for a piece of pizza, he took advantage of me and kicked me out without giving me any pizza. I spent a lot of time out in below 0 weather without proper clothing. shelters were not available. I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I really needed my parents but they said they were fed up with me, made it look like it was my fault.

people seemed to think i was 'going somewhere', what a joke, I couldn't get a job until I was 28, no one would hire me and I could do nothing about it because there is no legal protection in the law. Lawyers didn't give a damn, nor did doctors, christians (hippicrites), on lookers laughed at me and enjoyed my demise, they just sat and watched me getting abused and enjoyed it. People often said 'it isn't fair, she gets everything'. This made it fair? Ridiculous!!

I was told it was because of the competition. people can talk a lot, they say it is because of the beauty industry. They are right but they never take any action. I hate them.

I have since then been accused of being lucky working like a slave at minimum wage jobs because that is all I could get. I was never provided with a good education and find it hard now to get it together to function at all.

People all over the world think they would love to be me, see what it has done to my life. Take another look, a good hard look and use your brains.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jun 11, 2012
To "Pretty Girl":
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm reminded of a quote from Carl Gustav Jung: I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become. What happened to you as a child does not have to continue to cloud your adulthood. You had little to no power as a child; you were manipulated and controlled by the adults around you. You were betrayed and abandoned by those responsible for keeping you safe. Children don't have choices the way adults do. Our past does affect us, but that doesn't have to be a life sentence, unless we choose it to be. It's truly amazing how our thoughts can keep us stuck in a place that really doesn't exist, a place that we keep in existence only in our minds. That's the trap. That's the challenge with memory. You CAN make choices for your Self that follow a different path than the one you've been walking. You CAN choose healing and recovery. But you need help doing so. Please consider seeking out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what you endured as a child and to gain a different perspective. You didn't deserve what you lived through. You certainly deserve help for what you did live through. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 11, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To Pretty Girl, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 2 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.


Jun 11, 2012
What an uncaring system
by: Anonymous

Pretty Girl, I really hope that you're in a safe place now...and thank goodness you survived! Don't try to help them, try helping yourself instead; it's up to them to really want help. Oh, and whatever happened to you is NOT your fault; never was and never will be; it's their own fault because they chose to abuse you. Oh, and making jokes about torturing you really shows me how uneducated and ignorant they really are. Oh, and shame on the uncaring system for dropping the ball! You are not to blame for their ignorant behavior; they are to blame. Again, I really hope that you're in a safe place now, far away from them, that you try counselling.

Jun 12, 2012
clarify pls
by: My Two Cents

I wanted to double check, just in case I misunderstood.

Are you talking about growing up as a "child star"? Your story has some parellels with the experiences that some female stars have with stardom, beauty, and their male co-stars, photographers, agents, etc.

Thanx!

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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Child Abuse Story From Pretty Girl Part 2

by "Pretty Girl"
(Canada)

Many people think it's great being good looking. I needed a guard most of my life, got punched in the face, slapped, raped many times, my family didn't give a damn. I was scapegoated to make people believe it was my fault, I was a delinquent.

I was kicked out of the house all the time, spent much time in the freezing cold, starving. Men took advantage of me since I was a minor, when I got older they couldn't care less.

I starved at my parents' hands, and also at society's. Police, lawyers, children's aid, doctors, christians all hippocrits, none of them cared. I got punched in the nose by a lawyer asking for help, police treated me like crap, no one would hire me anywhere or give me a chance even at a volunteer job; they couldn't stand the sight of me.

This is what everyone wants, I am told, I am told 'I am going places is life' and 'it isn't fair on other people'. I was not given a chance in life, my sister never talks to me, my family doesn't really care. I was told it is because of an industry. I wish people would stop talking.

I was terrorized at school and out in public, people took their frustrations out on me. Older men took advantage of me, they took what they wanted, no one did anything about it. I couldn't defend myself.

I starved because I didn't have any money and no one would hire me. I have long term effects from starving from which I will never recover.

This is what people want, I am accused of feeling good, being extra intelligent; I find it hard to function now, I can't live a normal life.

I find the silver lining in the clouds, I wish other people would.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

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Jun 12, 2012
To "Pretty Girl":
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's a good thing that you see the silver lining in the clouds. Part of that silver lining could be turning pain into power, however that might look for you. Again, I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 12, 2012
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Pretty Girl, your family (along with everyone else in your life) is deeply troubled and sadistic. Oh, and did I even mention that they also abused your sister just by grooming her to be a bully to you? Oh, and if you think that no one cares, think again; Darlene cares, I care, people care, I'm sure there's a lot of caring people out there. Oh, and like I said before, you didn't cause them to abuse you; they CHOSE to abuse you; they only blame you because they REFUSE to accept their own responsibilities. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their immature, sick misery. Again, you are not to blame for their sadistic behavior; they are to blame because, again, they chose to abuse you. Oh, and as for the lawyer who punched you for simply turning to him for help, he deserves to be stripped of all of his credentials for doing that; lawyers are supposed to help everyone, not the other way around. Like I said, I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling. Oh, and I'm glad you found a silver lining in a cloud because everyone needs to do the same that you did.

Jun 13, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To Pretty Girl, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 4 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are wholly inappropriate, and she refuses to stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.


Jul 02, 2012
To pretty girl
by: Anonymous

Firstly,I'm truly sorry that you had to experience such a traumatic and abusive childhood.Remember though, comparing your experiences with others is pointless,because there will always be better and worse.
Forgive yourself,if you have any thoughts that you did something to deserve any of this..you didn't,in fact couldn't,you were a child and later a vulnerable young woman.
The body has an amazing ability to heal itself,the mind takes time,remember the people who did wrong to you were maybe neglected,abused,bullied,or unloved themselves.Sometimes they were just selfish and cruel.Either way they don't deserve your precious time.Love and respect yourself,and you will find you attract like souls.

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Child Abuse Story From Albert F

by Albert F
(Michigan, USA)

ok so i know this isnt very bad but i hate it ok so my stepdad is a crazy drunk but hes 6.8 and he slapped me one time cause me and my mom got a new dog and he said did u move your bike and i said yeah he said no u didnt i said look it and then he said (he was drunk) int not f***in moved and he slapped me and one time i got a criss angel magic kit for christmas and i showed him a trick and said aww u messed it up and then he yelled and i said yeah u did and he slapped me and my mom was there and she told me to say im sorry to him??? WTF and so now hes drinkin outside with his friends and he told me to get off his boat and i said say please (thts the way i am) and he said now and i said im waiting and he said dont make me woop your ass (he wont) and i said u know the word then he just now 5 mins before im typing this he got up and picked me up in the air by my neck and sat me on the ledge and i got off and i started crying cause it hurt it still does i feel like puking im crying while typing this and he has always been a drunk and my mom thinks its ok and it was my fault i hate him soo much and i want him gone oh and i forgot hes a redneck anywho yeah so im to scared to actually tell someone and i barely talk to my mom about my problems so yeah i really need help i want him gone

by albert f




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Apr 16, 2012
Albert:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. And while you might decide that it's your right to demand your stepdad say "please" when he wants you to do something, it's a show of disrespect that can get you into a lot of trouble. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that he had any right to do what he did to you; he doesn't. What I'm saying is that the system will not side with you on this; it will always side with the parent or guardian, even when it isn't fair. I know what you're going through, Albert. I was put in the same kind of situations when I was growing up. Both my parents were abusive, and they used the system to their advantage. At one point, when I was defending myself and my little cousin (not with my parents, but with guardians at the time) it was ME who the police hauled off to detention. It didn't matter that what I was doing was right, it only mattered that I was a minor. Even when I was protecting myself and my little cousin, the fact that I used my hands to stop a further attack was deemed an assault of the adult. Ridiculous and Absurd! But the fact is, children and youth have very few rights. One right you have is that your stepdad does not have the right to harm you. You're very smart, of that I have no doubt. You know what angers the guy, so don't set your Self up for more abuse by saying and doing things that will set him off. I get it; you need to stand up to him. But when you do, things get worse, and they could continue to worsen for you. I don't want that for you. Please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being abused. Call the number above. I send you love, light and healing energy, Albert. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 16, 2012
Albert,
by: AnonymousT

I understand where you're coming from, I was there once. It's that weird place where you know in most cases the authorities might not care but you know it's wrong.

I understand as a parent myself we teach our children by example. But to be honest, that's almost a "new" way of seeing things. Old School dictates you do what you're told & children are seen and not heard. Not very fair or smart, right? No....but sometimes you have to learn to work the system. He may be pushy & never say please - but that doesn't say much about him, does it?

If you are ever hurt or don't know how to deal with your feelings I urge you to call the number Darlene offered, or talk to a school counselor.

I also urge you to write. Sounds silly, but writing can be such a release. Write about why you're happy, mad, sad...write about your day or anything. Just write, the words roll off & so does the stress. It helps at least. :)

T

From Darlene - Webmaster: I agree with AnonymousT that writing is an excellent way to reduce stress. If you do decide to write, Albert, don't fall into the trap of only writing about the nasty stuff, otherwise it may seem like life is only negative; and that can lead to a very dark place. Remember to write about the positive and good things too.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Apr 17, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Albert, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a stepdad and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare she! That isn't discipline; that's just torture. If he doesn't want to be there, he should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. Anyway, shame on her for running away from you instead of protecting you from that beast! Children should always come first. He has the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at every cost, so please get out of that house, PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!! Next time he lays a hand on you ever again, please consider reporting him ASAP. What happened to you is not your fault; it's their own fault because they chose to abuse you. They've got all the power; they chose to misuse that power over you, so please tell someone you trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse.

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More From Albert F Part 2

by Albert F
(Michigan, USA)

Dont waste your life being sad, try and make yourself happy: 
When i was born everyone loved me i was so speacial but when i started to get older i changed my hair,clothes,and my face most of my family still likes me but not my stepdad and it was hard cause my dad died when i was 9 so i have to deal with a crazy,drunk,redneck,abusive father.i made another story about what he did to me but find tht later but anyway...its really hard to have sadness in your life listening to dark music thts makes you cry because of all the problems you have in your life.(this really helped) one day i was going for a walk and it started getting dark so then i stoped and looked at this bright star and i thought someone out there will love you stop being this way.the things tht i do to stay happy is i watch this video on youtube check it out its called stay happy by dakota wint it helps alot.but more things i do is i ignore it i try to not talk to him and just walk away and say yeah mhmm and stuff like tht. one day at school i made a list that i listed reasons on how i could get him out of my life call the cops and report abuse. i hoped tht helped




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

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Apr 21, 2012
Albert:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you've found a way to take you away from the sadness you find your Self experiencing in your environment. As before, I send you love, light and healing energy, Albert. Thank you for sharing with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Apr 24, 2012
A suggestion
by: Skruff

It sounds like you have the tools in your head to help fix your situation.

You do not mention how old you are, so I have a suggestion. Go talk this out with a family member (who does not live with you a grandmother, Uncle, Aunt etc) It always helps to remember all adults are not like your step-dad, and some of them have good hearts and maybe even some good advice.

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Child Abuse Story From Bobbi Part 1

by Bobbi
(Pennsylvania, USA)

Not quite sure where to start. Prior to reading all these other life stories I felt my issues came from my teenage years, not my younger years... now Im not so sure. My earliest memories are fear. I remember hiding under a table from the "monster" and i remember being really scared and climbing onto the top bunk with one of my brothers to hide under the covers. I am the 9th child of 10. My next memory is of me and my little sister being introduced to our new mommy and daddy. I was 3 she was 2 and they were asking her questions but she was so scared she wouldnt answer, so I did for her. We were placed with a well to do family, who had a 7yr old son with CP. My sister N and I were overwhelmed, and very frightened. Our new mommy didnt like us to talk about our real mom and would scream bad things about my mom which of course i didnt want to hear. She was very cruel. We had Church every Sunday, country club every day in the summer girl scouts and dance class... etc. But I didnt want it. I wanted my mom. I think maybe the stress of a disabled child along with taking in 2 little girls scared of thier own shadow must have had a toll. I was ALWAYs scared, I would sleep on my back cause id be afraid she come in and hit me when id sleep. I hated to ride in the car every monday by myself to go to my girl scouts cause id be yelled @ and threatened. I remeber emptying the dishwasher before school Now, everything we did was controlled we got up when she said we wore what she liad out we brushed our teeth wehn she told us to and ate when she put it in front of us. We had to empty the DW before school when we were done but if we missed the bus...I remember bath time as horrible she would pull our hair to lay us down pull our hair to lift us up broken spoons over my head for my 7th birthday the screaming "YOUR NOT HER MOTHER". I remember breaking the spray nozzle off the spray and wash (not knowing it could go back on) and her making my dad hit us until someone fessed up. I did it. But I never told ecause i was so scared. I remember signing the limit of library books out, again she took us to and from. (I was 8) and a notice came in th mail from the Library that I owed 5cents for an overdue book. I got the notice cause I was the one to get the mail at the end of the driveway everyday. I saw and and my heart stopped, I ripped it uop and threw it in the field across the street. SHE got the next notice. She screamed at me why i didnt tell her the first time and i told her it was cause i was scared of her. She said?"youll; be more scared of me when im done with you and she just started punching me all over I thought I was done but hadnt noticed it was time for my daddy to come home he walked in and stepped in front of me as she was punching me and she started punching him he held her back. IDK what happened but she left for 3 days. Those were the 3 most peaceful days of the enitre 8 years there. My sister and i were fed cr*p literally. She did all of this while my dad was at work. terrorized us, talking about my mom saying we'll be just like her when we grow up.. and other stuff. She beat us made me scrub the HUGE kitchen floor with a toothbrush from 3yrs old on. But everyone always said how lucky we were to be placed with such a great family. I hated being a foster child in a rich neighborhood they didnt know they N and I were on a diet from the age of 6 and 7 and had to count calories and were told we werre going to be fat and got smacked in the stomach walking through the grocery store to suck our stomach in. We werent overweght in any way shape or form. We werent allowed to have seconds for dinner we should be grateful we were eating. I always felt as if I didnt belong there. Always felt i have to be in debt to everyione for taking in these charity cases everyone gave my parents so much praise for being so wonderful. I used to wonder why they didnt see. We got to vist our mom and siblings once a month for an hour Ohh I couldnt wait every month so happy. On my 6th birthday i dont knwo if i was nervous or not but as soon as the social worker walked into classroom to get me (yes embarrassing!) I ran to the sink and threw up all over the sink in the back of the classroom. I begged her not to tell my mom so I could vist my real mom and my brothers it was my brother k's celebration too his bday was 3 days before mine he was a year older. I couldnt go. She told my mom sealed my fate. My real mom sent me a baby alive doll home I was SO happy. My mom said i couldnt have it casue it would make a mess and she threw her away. I was able to eat the chocolate milk my real mom sent and cake. Well my parents tried to adopt us when i was 11 and N was 10. My real mom decided no she wanted us back. So the state said they werent going to pay for us anymore so we had to go back NOW.I was elated didnt care at all. I remember that day. My mom said we couldnt take any of our clothes or toys that my real mom would have to get us stuff. I didnt care. My mom shed a tear when she dropped us off on the east side for good and i remember thinking"wow she does care about us".




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

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May 01, 2012
Bobbi:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Society still does not realize that just because a family has money doesn't mean there aren't horrors going on in the house. The foster mother likely had expectations that the two little girls of 2 and 3 years of age would be her little princesses, without any regard whatsoever about what was going on with them, namely you and your sister. She was very controlling and perfectionistic. When things didn't go as SHE expected, she vented with more control and physical as well as emotional abuse. But how strong you were, Bobbi. You knew what you wanted all along, and never wavered from that. It shows your strength of character. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I'll post your additional submissions as Parts 2 and 3 in the coming days.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 02, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Bobbi, your foster mom is deeply troubled and sadistic. I really hope that you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! She has the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at all costs. Beating you, berating you, torturing you, breaking spoons over your head, using you and your sister as slaves and even pulling your hair are just enough to throw that horrific, poor excuse of a woman to jail for a long time; what she did is abuse. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. She's a helpless bully who chose to use your youth and vulnerabilities as well as your sister's instead of simply helping herself; she's really acting like a little 1-year-old trapped in a grown woman's body because she's stuck in her own childhood. You are not to blame for her sadistic behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused it over you. Again, I hope you're out of that house now, that you're in a safe place now, that you try counselling and that you look into reporting her.

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Child Abuse Story from Bobbi Part 2

by Bobbi
(Pennsylvania, USA)

Well we were thrown in a house with 4 brothers who didnt really know us and each had thier own stories from foster homes, orphanges, and boys homes. Which is why i think what happened to us afterwards happend. I forgot to mention from the time i was was 3 my fostergrandfather would put his tongue in our mouth every time he would give us a kiss. We thought it was gross but didnt know what it was till we were a little older. and my foster brother S made n smoke cigs from 7 on and would "spank" her bare butt (like mom did) so he wouldnt have to "tell" on her for smokng! I caught him smoking a joint w her in wildwood on vacation ihe laundry rm. she was 7. He made her do other stuff to him cause if she told, my parents wouldnt believe her she was the" bad" one. I would get called out of my classroom to get her off the teachers leg (her teeth would be attached)and many other incidents. EVERYONE knew we were foster kids so you would think they might wonder why we would BEG them not to call home but noone ever did. So we were taken from country club and going to bed at 8 to a whole house full of kids and my real mom not knowing if we were even home or not. My sister was raped that first year by 3 boys from around the block my brother found her underwear thought one of us got our period and started waving them around laughing. She took off I chased her and found out what happened. After that she was open game. My brother would go after her all the time. He was the first boy who "kissed" me. He would babysit us and do whatever he wanted. he didnt mess with me too much cause i was the princess for my real mom. My sister was not she was thorn instead of rosebud. I remember the first time he messed with me I got such a sore throat and laid on the living room floor thinking that god was punishing me and thats why my throat hurt. I was so scared i thought I was going to die. So my mom went out all the time our brothers beat the heck out of us usually they would beat n and i would jump on them and fight for her always messed with her always. we would be told to wear long sleeves to cover the bruises or the caseworkers would see and put us back in a home we didnt want to go back. i was 11 in the counslors office in school twice a week to lay on the floor and listen to stress tapes. I never told the counslor what was going on but I think she knew. One day my brother went too far and n ran away. She only ran to my friends house down the street. The freinds mom called me to tell me she was there and i thanked her and went to see her later. my brother b and my brother s really went too far and scared her. she thought they were really going to hurt her. She tried to come home the next day but they were playing frisbee in the parking lot next to the house and saw her. they chased her again so she went bcak to my friends house. My mom made said she ran away and sent her to live w my oldest sister and her husband and my niece. She would call me crying everyday I would tell her when im 18 she could live w me and i would take care of her forever. my mom prior to her wheelchair was ut all the time and we had a live in babysitter l and her bf N I was sleeping on my bed and i thought the cat was crwling on me let fo the cat and felt an afro. it was N! he was feeling all over me i pretended to be asleep i was so scared. I waited up til my mom came home and ran downstirs tell her. the next day his gf L was laughing at me and my mom tolf my bother B to put a piece of wood in front of the door (you had to walk through our room to get to his room)every night before he went to bed. well N didnt bther me anymore but now it was open season for B to do what he wanted. My mom told us we were moving to NC. we had a grandfather who she apparently recently started speaking to again and he wanted to move to NC to be with his son, an uncle i never knew about, before he died. So we did. My sister came later but not with us. My mom said she couldnt handle her and sent her to live w this uncle we never met. he married his foster child, and had two kids with her. 2 and 4, and now my sis who was 12 at the time. She was his slave. he fed her drugs, and did what he wanted to her. i didnt know htis at the time. We lived45 minutes away and i was so happy to go see her. i got there and her and i went for a walk to smoke a cig, i was 13, and she told me she wasnt allowed to visit me cause I was a bad influenceWHAT?? I went back to the house. i was an angry child my mom was handicapped from my real dad and in a wheelchair, and i hated the world. I had an attitude. I was smacking my gum and he came to me and started tickling me but I didnt laugh. he wante dto know why. So i told him i didnt think it was right that my own sister cant come see me. he told me to get that look off my face and i asked what look and he smacked me twice in the face he broke my nose blackend my eyes and busted my lips with those two smacks. My mom sat in a chair across th room and didnt say anything as blood was everywhere. My aunt took me in the bathroom and said thats what you get for acting like an a$$ho%$. I went to school and my 7th grade teacher asked me what happened in front of the whole class and i told him after that the school left me alone. No more suspensions or detentions they just left me alone. my sister came one time w my uncle to see us and i begged him to let her saty over and he said yes. She had a freezer bag of pot and a rx bottle of speed my uncle had given her. We ran away that night and were hiding at th palyground. my mom had my friends push her in her wheelchair to the police station me and n saw them and was hding. we ended up going back cause i didnt want my mom to be worried. My grandfather died so we moved back to pa. but my sister didnt come right way. she didnt come until my aunt caught my uncle with her and left him and shipped her back to my mom.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story from Bobbi Part 2

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May 03, 2012
Bobbi:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

All so disturbing. The system failed you and your siblings on so many levels. The teachers basically turned a blind eye, and worse, they did nothing when they knew what was happening. Terrible displays of inhumanity. Thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me. Again, love, light and healing energy sent your way, Bobbi.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story from Bobbi Part 3

by Bobbi
(Pennsylvania, USA)

my mom didnt want to take her back so she put her in a home. she eventually ran out of places to put her cause n was something to be reckoned with by now. I used to cry myself to sleep at night everynight for my sister. I found out all he did to her, sodomy rape and any other horror you could think of. She was also a built in babysitter for my cousins. I was mean to them and had guilt for a long time still do I scared them by pretending the stove was on and that i was going to burn them, and just mean. I was mean twice. I didnt know why, but I am understanding a little bit more after reading all these other stories. I also remeber putting my four yr old neice on my shoulders naked and thought about stuff but got scared and didnt really act on it. I didnt even know what this stuff was. we didnt even hear a curse word prior to moving back with my real mom. so we move back with my oldest sister then mom bought a house and it was only me her and my brother k. my other brother b found out and moved back too. great. So b really hurt n one day and she had to be put in the hospital. she told the hospital about EVERYTHING uncle brothers everyone. She told them it happened to me too. they sent caseworkers to my house to ask me what happened to me and i was in the lving room and my mom in the dining room and she was screaming from the other room calling me a liar. the caseworker was then going to my nieces to question her and my mom got in the car and raced over there to beg my niece not to say anything. my niece is only a year younger than me. she didnt say anything cause she didnt want trouble. so n went to a foster home and I was wothout her again. They left me there. They charged my brother but my mom wouldnt allow my sis to the house and called her all kinds of names and stuff til she dropped her statement. she was then allowed back. She built a room in my closet for her self and used to sing all the time in my closet in the dark pink flyd comfortably numb. I thought she was losing it. but i loved her so much. I was cutting for about 2 years by now. didnt think much of it wasnt really known as cutting then in the mid 80's. I just knew when i did that i didnt feel any pain anywhere else. She left when she was 15 and went to NY and became a prositute and was hooked on drugs. just another bad thing to chalk up for her another thing my mom could complain about to anyone who would lsten. She called me on thanksgiving which i was so worried she always calls me on my bday always and she didnt october is my bday. So she called me on thnksginving and said her friend was stabbed and they were running from her pimp. I called my foster parents (they did keep in touch)and they drove to NY to pick her up and brought her and the girl back. They took off in the morning. My brother B never left me alone. I used to wake up and he would be laying next to me drunk trying to feel me up. I wiuld lay there and pretent to be sleeping. I used to put the recliner in my room under the doorknob, well he tried to climb through my window! i went down and told my mom" she yelled up the stairs"B go to bed" WHat??? thats it?? he left me note saying I would pay for that and i showed her and she laughed it off. my mom went to the hospital as a result of an injury my mom got from my sis N. they had fought when n came back from NC and n finally had enough and slammed my mom on her back which was already severly damaged from my bio dad. 13 removed discs...etc.. it was always something. so she was in the hospital and my big brother t and his girl came to stay with us to watch us. My mom convinced me she was going to die in this operation and she only had a 30% chance to live. looking back it doesnt make sense but she was my mom and why would she lie to me? I cried for 3 months thinking she was never coming back when she lived I was actually angry. but anyway while she was in the hospital B still hadnt left me alone so i told A my brothers girl. She TOLD my big brother! T hurt my brother B so bad kicked him in the head til the his whole side of his head from ear forward was BLACk from the bruising. he never touched me again. I was late going to school that day and they asked me why in the classroom again. they kept questioning me in front of the class. man they dont know how horrible and dfifferent you alreadt feel but to humiliate you nfront of eveyone is horrible. My sis is living w me now 4 kids later none of which she has. I feel bad for her but now she is like a 9 yr old. She never matured since moving back from our foster hme. My foster mom got help after we left and has since apologized for the things she has done we actually have a good relationship. her son died last year and she wantes to adopt mne now at 41.. who does that? but whatever. I have 3 wonderful kids 20,16, and 6 have been in some abusive relationships and always was smart enough not to expose my kids to anything and try to give them a normal childhood. My parents have helped and my daughter has dance class and my little one is in many activiutes. My mother is medicated and has shrared that her mothwer was the same way to her whch is where she got it from. My real mother died a few years back and we dont talk to some of my brothers but do still talk to the good ones. Noone really likes N still and thinks of her as needy and craving attention but I mean cmon what shoudl be expected at this point. She was called the bad one and i was the good one. I was stronger cause i didnt let our life affect me. I dont believe that I believe she was the strong one and spoke out about everything that happened to herI was the weak one always trying to keep peace. I am married have serious issues with him as he was severly abused and is a very angry person. I was in counsling for a year and half and found out why i tolerate the things i do but that doesnt help. Sometuimes I would rather be hit than to hear th constant stuff i hear every every day. My job ends today after 6 yrs. I feel as im suffocating this is my outlet work is where my friends call me and write me. I hope that Ill be strong enough. I called an abuse center to go to counsling and the lady called me the day of the appt. and cancelled. She set up a phone interview and never called me back. that was last week. now ill be home every day. Bbut thats another story... I hope I didnt write too much but some these things ive never told anyone I was thiinking of writing it down and burning the paper, hoping that would make me healthy. I have my daughter in counsling and my oldest is just waiting for the opp to jump on my husband. IDk I dont know why I feel so bad for him!! Have a great day love and light to all. Please girls boys PLEASE tell someone Everything you have too. Make them listen and dont worry about consequences give it to god. if you are an angry child, hurt and abused, if not helped you will be a hurt and abused adult.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story from Bobbi Part 3

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May 04, 2012
Bobbi:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When you say your sister was the one affected and not you by what you endured as children, that's just not so. You were DEEPLY affected, and continue to suffer the effects. Counselling only helps when one goes into each session completely open to the process, with the idea of gaining perspective over what happened to you as a child and how that's affected you AND your children. You may think you shielded your children from the abuse you endured in your relationship(s), but they knew and witnessed a whole lot more than you may realize. Witnessing isn't just with one's eyes. I send you and your children love, light and healing energy, Bobbi. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir