Child Abuse Story From Stormi

by Stormi
(Location Undisclosed)

I was 13 and it was right before Christmas. The abuse lasted for two days. I stayed home from school because I hadn't wanted to go. I wanted to stay home and play games. I was sitting down on the couch and my dad came over. He watched me play for a while (he played the game too so I wasnt concerned by him watching). Then he put his hands on my knee and kept on moving it up. I didnt know what to do. He didnt force me or anything but I felt really awkward. I jumped up and said I was going to get a coke. I took as long as possible to get it and when I came back he was still sitting there. I didnt know if he would do it again or if he would stop. I didnt want to be rude so I sat down again and he did it again. I tried to push his hand away and keep playing the game but he didnt stop. My mom came in from working on the lawn and he stopped. She wanted his help so I went upstairs. I dont really remember the specific times, but I do remember everything that happened. Sometime later we were in my room talking about something random. I was laughing at something he said. We started play fighting, throwing punches back and forth. I was having alot of fun with him. He rarely had time for me anymore. He pushed me a little and I pushed back trying to wrestle him to the ground. Of course me being one hundred and ten pounds, I didn't get very far. He played along though and fell down. I tried to keep him pinned down, but he was too strong. He pushed me off easily. I rolled backwards and just layed on my back laughing. I couldnt remember having so much fun with him recently. He was always crabby and upset when he got home, either from his job or mom. I didnt even consider yesterday being a factor in him spending time with me. I thought he just wanted to hang out. He got on top of me pinning my knees down on top of my chest. At first, I thought he was just playing. I could feel his groin was pressed right up against me, and I started to feel uncomfortable. All he did was hold me there. I tried to wiggle out and get away from him, but there was no room to budge. My knees being right up against my chest and his arm on either side of me, I couldnt move at all. I was trapped there. I tried even harder to get away but it was hopeless. I looked up into his face. He stared down, just watching me. I looked into his eyes and turned my head to the side. He could do whatever he wanted, and I knew it. He knew it too. I couldn't fight him off. It didnt matter if I wasn't in such an awkward position as this one. I layed there praying it wouldn't be like before. I didnt want him to touch me. I just wanted him to get off. Finally, after about 15 more seconds he let me up. I got up quickly, and moved over to my bed. I sat on the edge at the end of the bed and didn't say anything. I hoped he would just leave. He came and sat down more towards the middle, indian style. He sat there chatting about work and I just listened. I wished I could just leave, but I was in my room. Where else was there to go? Suddenly, I looked up, realizing he was staring at me. "Didn't you hear me? I said I don't think I tell you this enough, but I should. I love you." I just looked at him for a second, and mumbled that I loved him too. He put his arms out for a hug. I leaned over and hugged him. I tried to draw back, but he started to lay down and was pulling me down with him. "Hold on," I said. "I gotta go shut the shower water off." I jumped off the bed and went to go shut it off. Unfortunately, my room was right by my bathroom, so I could only take so long before he got suspicious. I came back and he motioned for me to lay down. I came over and layed down beside him. We were almost spooning. I didn't think much of it; He had never been really touchy/feely in the past so I didnt have alot of reference points to work with. Maybe this is how all dads hug thier daughters. I just layed there feeling uncomfortable. He had his hand resting lightly on my side, but then he moved it to my stomach right above my waistline. The last couple times were the next morning. I went downstairs and I dont know why I didnt just not talk to him. He was talking to me and joking like nothing was wrong. He started punching me lightly and jokingly. I didnt see what was wrong with it so I punched back. He started wrestling with me and was on top. I tried to squirm away but he tried to finger me. It was through my clothes but he still went in a little bit. I got up and walked away to do something else or to try to get away. I dont really remember. Then he did it again and tried to pin me down. He started to finger me harder. I dont know how far he went in me but it was enough that even with my pajama pants on it hurt me. Thats all I can remember. Those two days were the worst of my life. I told my mom but she wanted him to stay. I think the idea of her breaking away was too scary for her. It never happened again even though I was scared it would. Im now 19. It will be 6 years ago this December. I feel like I should be over it at this point. I dont think I should still be so hurt over it. Its in the back of my mind everyday. I just want to forget. I dont know if I need counseling or what. I want it. I want to feel better. And my fiancee has a family counselor that he wanted me to go to, but hes never called to arrange it. I dont want to call. Im not one to talk about my feelings face to face with people. So the idea of going to a counselor terrifies me. I just want to be better.





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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous39

by Name Undisclosed
(California, USA)

When I was in elementary school, I had surgery because my vagina was closing and sealing itself. So years later, my mom forced me to show it to her. She said it was because she "wanted to see if it was healing correctly", but I don't understand that because it was years later. When she tried to force me, I screamed "no" because I didn't want her looking at or touching me there. She threatened to hit me with kitchen utensils and she did. I remember I was wearing pajamas and she basically tried to rip them off of me and I tried as hard as I could to keep her from taking them off, she yelled so much and hit me. Before that, she used to make me show her my chest. I'm 17 now and she still does stuff, not like before though. Now she won't let me have that much privacy. Like not so long ago, we were looking at prom dresses and she made me let her come into the dressing room with me and she got mad when I turned around to take off my bra because I wanted privacy. She grabbed my arm and sort of whisper-yelled at me. I don't understand why she does this.




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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous40

by Anonymous
(Canada)

For what I thought would be better got worse: 
Im a 17 year year old girl and this is my life growing up! it was not to say normal. when i used to live with my father and stepmom they emotionally abused me and made lies about me to other family members to belive. and trust me they did. one day coming home from school i had gotten a wooden chair thrown at my head from my step mom because i told her to stop telling lies about me and making me look like the bad guy. my father wasnt home at the time and when i had told him this he didnt belive me. i looked stupied and humilated and scared and alone. i had been in contact with my mother and stepfather at the time when i was 13 and they suggested i move in with them. i figured it woukd be a fresh start, new life, new school. i didnt know what lied ahead of me at this time. i moved in with them when i was 13 till now and i have seen my little brother taped up and thrown in the bathroom screaming while my stepdad thinks its funny. he slaped my behind before with ny mother right there and she didnt even care. it was a big deal to me but this wasnt the end of this. everyday when i come home from school my stepfather and mother gang up on me and think low on me. on my 17th birthday my stepdad had yhought calling me fat and saying a jenny craig percription would be a great birthday present and while i riped into him at the time my mother got mad at me for getting mad at him. my stepdad goes inches away from my face and tells me off and since i live in his house the rules is to sit there and shut up. i have no voice. im not allowed out of my house besides going to school and i havent hanged out eith my friends out of school sincr i moved here. i feel embaressed and sick to my stomach everytime i walk in this house and put on a smile and fake it everyday. sitting there being called down to just sitting there like a vegtable. my stepdad doesnt also treat me with disrespect all thr time he abuses my brothers and also calls my mom down to the lowest. but still shes on his side for everything. i have no guidance and no one to talk to besides my friends and i dont like spending my teenage years stuck in a house with abuse and neglect everyday. its sickining. i have anixety and a nervous disorder to also top up the problems in my life and it is not getting better at all. to say much worse. at my house im not allowed to do anything. nothing. its like i live a double life. and i do think i have depression. 1 year ago my father had no contact with me and has been making up rumors about me. i feel devostated to live like this. and to not be allowed to do anything hurts me. i have only 1 more year left of highschool and trust me. my teenage years will begin there. without walking on egg shells and holding my breath. thank you for listening.




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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous41

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

All three abuses in one year: 
I don't know if this can be classified as child abuse, since I was more of a teenager. It started when I was 13. My parents were loving, a bit (rightfully) protective but usually trusting. Our family was close to another family, who had a son. Let's call him BOB. Bob is 2 years older than me, we hated each other at kids but then grew into being good friends. When I was 13 he wanted to starting going out and said he liked me, I thought I might aswell. My parents didn't know and neither did his. I was always kinda chubby so I never thought a guy would like me or do anything 'bad'..coz I thought only things like that happen to the really pretty 'hot' girls...especially since bob was a fairly good looking guy and could get a girl easily ...

It didn't take long before he started getting touchyy and I wasn't used to that so I would kind of back away. This really pised him off sometimes, and when I wanted to break up he hit me and said no. I was kind of scared but then he said sorry and how sad he'd be if I dumped him, so I said ok, I'd stay with him. Sometimes he'd be a bit forceful in getting touchyy and into intimacy but I didn't think much of it. Also, bob's friends really didn't like me because I was always shooting comebacks at their insults and making them look stupid etc.

One day Bob heard that I liked another guy and was trying to get with him which wasn't true. He went ape at me, hit me etc. But then when I said it wasn't true he backed off and was like okok. Then this other guy everyone thought I liked got an email saying tat Bob was going to do bad things to me, like take my innocence and all (sorry I just don't like saying the r word). And my friends warned me but I didn't believe it, but stil was a bit cautious. Then a couple of days later Bob's friend's sister texted me asking if I wanted to come over to help her out with school work because I have a habit of tutoring people. I blindly said yes and skipped school by telling my mum I was sick and went to her house. I knew my mum wouldn't let me skip school to tutor someone. And yea, bob's friend hates me so I went there and found out the hard way that he took his sisters phone and it was him who texted me to con me into going to his house. I found out when I got there, there was Bob, and two of his friends.
I won't go into detail about what happened but I have nightmares of it even now, I'm 17 now. I lost my innocence, I lost everything that day.

I told a friend, who found it necessary to spread it not only to my parents but around the school. I refused t otell my parents who did it becausei was scared that they took pictures and would spam thhem to everyone if I did. My parents hate me now.

My mum blamed my dad, dad blamed mum. My dad then started his domestic violence. That's where the physical and emotional abuse started.

My parents wre still friends with bob's parents and we visited houses frequently which was so painful. Because they didn't know, noone other than us two knew. I would be foreced to talk to him, and he'd always give me this smug sneer, and when noone was looking touch me, or whisper graphic details about what happened that day. I thinkmy dad must have overheard this once because he figured it out after a few months. He was furious, Bob was like his son. I thought he would understand now but he didn't. Instead he was blaming me saying it was my fault, which I know it was, and instead of hitting me himself, when he was angry my dad would take me to Bob's house and gave bob persmission to 'teach me a lesson'.

I think everyone knew, in my family and his, what was going on. I didn't know who to tell now. My friends proved disloyal after the first incident. Now not only was there physical and emtional abuse at home, I was sexually abused by bob. But I don't even know if he can be held responsible. I was about 14-15 when this new road started, and he was only 16-17...not technically an adult.

Bob would make me do things, bad dirty things and if I didn't he'd pull my hair, or punch me or just use his force to literally tie me to something. I learnt after a 2 or so months of trying to fight him that there was no point because he always won.

At school around friends I acted my 'kinky' self, I was always the girl with the dirty mind. It was just my way of pretending to be the happy girl but then there was a lot of time where I would feel miserable but I couldn't tell anyone...

Bob's abuse was tearing me apart, and what I hated most of all was his fetish for bondage, and whispering things like how I was his 'fat slave' and how no one else will want a "used fat piece of s**t".

There was once or twice when Bob invited his friend to 'use' me too. What I hate is everyone else's denial of it. They just pretended it wasn't happening.

Bob had taken pictures and videos sometimes that I he said he would spam to everyone if I went to police, and that he had given it to someone else so even if he went to jail, someone else could spam them for him. Getting out of this abuse was not as bad as having those pictures spammed to everyone. There was no way I could outlive that, and neither could my family. It wouldn't be fair on them, even though I don't understand them I still loved them, to some extent.

This continued for about a year, then Bob's mum told me she got a job offer in new zealand and tat if I wanted she could move them there, which would be away from me. I didn't want to be the cause of their whole family having to re-adjust but they did move.

That was during my 10th grade, and towards the end I had told my friend and indirectly because of the abuse, they now hate me and its so painful because they were the reason I lived through the whole ordeal.

And through the 11th grade, I tried to keep it together but it did soon start falling apart. I'd been cutting since 9th grade, but now it was burning pulling hair. And at the end of 11th grade I broke down and slit my wrist pretty bad, and had to go to hospital. This stopped the domestic violence a bit coz my dad didn't want to be blamed for my killing myself.

But my mind was still in overflow from that year and a bit. It was like, I just didn't want to live anymore. Psychiatrists weren't any good, neither were psychologists. Even now, in year 12, I tried eating rat poison, and sleeping pills but to no avail.

I still feel like I should die, and I probably will soon. But thank you for reading. I haven't been able to tell anyone all this before.




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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous42

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

It started when i was 10. My dad was an angry, abusive alcoholic who was mean at the best of times. When my mom wasn't home in the evenings after school, he'd yell at me, call me names I wouldn't dare repeat, and it would end with a slap in the face. He didn't hit me all the time, but the things he'd say would hurt more than any slap ever could. I was the only one who was ever mistreated. My brother was the favorite. My mom never knew what was going on. He would make it so the bruises were easy to hide, and if I didn't, he'd do it all over again. None of the teachers knew anything about it. If anyone saw, I'd lie and say it was an accident. I was seeing a counsellor, but I never told her about what was going on. It wasn't until after a year of seeing her that I told her anything. By then, he had been taken away after beating me and "accidentally" calling the police on himself. I was so angry that I never told anyone sooner and that I let it go on for as long as it did. I'm 17 now. It's been a few years since it all ended. I have an amazing couple I can talk to, and he's more like a dad than I've ever had. I've had to learn how to trust people all over again. It makes me angry to hear of others I know who have gone through the same things I have. It's something that needs to stop as soon as possible.




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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous43

by Anonymous
(USA)

My dad has abused me and my brother for as long as i could remember. When we did anything bad (get anything under an A in school, not make a team, not throw away a gum wrapper, mouth off) we got hit. Hard. My mom once caught me talking to my girlfriend on the phone at 11 on a summer night. My mom screamed at me and i just said 'God mom I'm sorry okay? Back off already!' and she hit me and called for my dad. He came upstairs and punched me in the stomach. I had two people to talk to about it. My girlfriend, who would later become my wife, and my best friend. I wasn't part of the group of kids who looked like they came from that kind of household. My mom was the gorgeous housewife. My dad was the big-shot firefighter. We lived in a nice house and went on expensive vacations. I was part of the 'jocks' at school. At school and in public, my life seemed perfect. But at home, it was hell. I was hospitalized for injuries I received 'falling down the stairs' in my sophmore year of high school. My dad had smacked my head with a lamp. With my perfect grades, I was easily accepted into the college of my dreams. Leaving my brother behind was hard though. After i had been attending school in Florida for a year and a half, my brother came to see me. He was so severely beaten that i just stood there when i saw him in his swim trunks. His face, arms, and lower legs were fine. But the rest of his body was black and blue. I didn't take him to the airport when i was supposed to. My dad called me yelling and shouting to return my brother but i refused. My brother spent the last half of high school with my grandmother. I married my girlfriend, who was my source of support throughout that time. We have two wonderful sons and a daughter together. My parents only see them at family gatherings and are never left alone with them. My wife and I both speak at schools and charities for abused children. I never want anyone else to experience that.




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Child Abuse Story From Tara1

by Tara
(NSW Australia)


I'm 18 years old, soon to be 19. My family, has never really been a 'family' for a very long time now. As far back as i can remember, my father treated myself and my brother with verbal abuse, and both physically and emotionally abused my mother, sometimes in front of us. To this day, there are still holes in the walls of our house we grew up in. Some holes are covered and patched up and others are there to leave visitors to the house to wonder what they are from.

Since the time i was little, as soon as we heard our Fathers work vehicle coming up the drive way from the pub, my brother and i would FLEE to out bed's, fed and bathed or not, knowing very well he would walk through the door and start yelling and picking any reason to blow off his steam at us. (Speaking from my behalf) It didn't matter what i did, the marks i struggles to get at school, or the level of achievement i strived to accomplish at work, it was never good enough. I longed to hear the words never spoken to me, "I love you and I'm proud of you", he always replaced it with "where is the other marks", "cant you do better then that", or "that's just not good enough, how are you going to get anywhere like that".

There was a certain point in time my Father's drunken abuse came to a stage where it was unbearable for all of us as he had been mixing alcohol with drugs (or so we suspected, as well as confirmed from his mate)

It started in Feb last year, my father rang my brother (20 yo at the time and i was 17) to come up home to pick something up. From the moment he had arrived my father was yelling at him (for a 'just because' reason). My brother had soon had enough and started walking down the drive way, my father followed him where he was throwing punches where he could, my brothers reaction was to continue walking, as my father followed him and held him in a head lock trying to punch him in the middle of the street. I ran out the front door, followed by my mum. I finally separated them only for my father then to turn on me. In my defense, my brother pushed me aside and hit dad on the chin, he fell and hit his head on the cement and ended up with a concussion (first time my brother has ever struck back). That night was the last night i ever spent in my 'family home'.

I packed my things while the neighbors were helping mum bring dad around and carried him to our house. My brother's mate came and picked me up and took me to my brother's place, little did i know he was going to take advantage of me and the situation i was in, a few weeks later he broke my heart and left me with nobody to lean on.

After weeks of being passed around from house to home, i found myself feeling unwelcome and a nuisance to the people surrounding me, so one night i packed my things and broke into the only place i knew, and felt safe. My school. I slept for a few hours and left when the principal was arriving for work. I also found myself sleeping at the local showground one night as well in the dead middle of winter.

Not soon enough did mum find a place for us and my 7 year old sister, a week or so later my brother also moved in. It took about 3 weeks of my Father's abusive calls and threats, till my mother was spending days with me at the house and nights at home with dad and my sister.

My brother had also found a new girlfriend, so i was left all alone to deal with what had happened. Soon enough, i too, was finding myself turning to alcohol as well as sex to drown my sorrows and feeling wanted, even if i was only for a few hours. After watching mum and my sister living out of a suitcase and going to dad's, despite continuous warnings from my brother and i that it would happen again, as it always does. I couldn't take it anymore, i had to get out! I found a place around the corner and moved in to it with my brother. Not only did i have to then support myself, i found myself supporting my brother as well. I paid all the rent, food and anything else we needed based on only a weekend job. I had to deal with all this as well as going through the HSC and finishing school.
Up until September 09' i hadn't talked to my father. On September 6th i was in a car accident and air lifted to the nearest base hospital with suspected spinal injuries, which turned out to be muscle, ligament, and tissue damage to my head neck and shoulder. From the time the ambulance arrived til the time i walked back through my front door, dad was with me, throwing orders and judging me. While i was in hospital, he had found out i was dating an older man, who lived next door to me. He was none too pleased and took it upon himself to 'protect' me.

The day after i got out of hospital i found he had gone next door to sort out the situation and also had been drinking. The conversation ended with him dragging me across the yard by my neck in front of a two year old and a four year old. Although my friend (who was at my house) had seen the commotion, jumped the fence and strangled him till he was blue and ordered she let go, he was not giving up, he had me on the ground.

The police were then rung and my mother arrived, believing every word he said (which i proved was a lie). I then had a restraining order put on him, although, i stood tall, spoke my pure mind and held my ground, inside, i was crumbling, tearing up and wanting to run and hide.

Up until recently my mother had been fine living at home with my sister. Although i was convinced he was out to drive my life into the ground, what with him not letting my mum or sister coming to visit me in my new home (i moved an hr away from there a week after my last HSC exam) and not letting me take my car that was in his yard (which i paid for), and took it out on mum when she finally did give it to me.

So as my brother and myself warned mum, it did happen again, a few weeks ago, but since my brother and i are not in his picture anymore, he started on my sister, only to finish it with my mum. He was beginning to be violent and threatening my mum with my sister (now 8) standing in the door way, as well as ripping my mum out of the bed she was sharing with my sister that night, just to make her prove to him that she know how to work the computer.

The next day i was in town for a job that some people had booked months in advance, i drove up to see mum, she explained what had happened and i made her pack up and leave the night after. Mum and my sister were living with my brother for a while, then she found a house a few days ago. I drove over to help her move the things she needed out of home and moved her into her new house. That very day, dad broke his restraining order.

Not only does mum have to deal with the stress of a new environment, dealing with the break up and an 8 year old running amuck, she still has to deal with dad. He has also been showing up to mums work and harassing her, as well as tracking down her new house and showing up there, as well as ringing my brother and leaving messages for her.

As for the restraining order I'm torn between, reporting him and sending him to jail, fearing he will act on his threats towards my mum, and knowing that sending him to jail is the only way he will see what he has done and is doing to us, or not reporting it and finding out if he is going to act on the threats and watching the endless harassment.

Not only does all of this affect my day to day activities, it affects my future. Pretty soon ill forget not only his voice but the sound of his laugh, the feeling when you walk through the door of your family home that you grew up in, what he smells like, his smile or even what he looks like, what his hugs feel like (actually i forgot what they feel like a long time ago).

All i can think of is will i ever be good enough? Who is going to walk me down the aisle when my wedding day comes? Who is going to sit my kids on their knee and surprise them with candy from his pocket like my grandpa did? Will he ever see his grandchildren? Will i ever hear the words "I love you and I'm proud of you" from his mouth? What father figure will be there when i need help or guidance only a father can give their daughter? Will i ever see him again? What will become of us now? And all I'm left with is a broken heart and a lump in my throat when someone mentions his name or i think back to my first memories of being little and happily playing with my 'daddy'.

I have thought of a way out many times, by suicide, but i think of not only what I'm ridding myself of but also what I'm losing, sometimes i think that losing my life in that accident wouldn't have been such a bad thing, i know i couldn't go through with suicide but sometimes I wish i could!

I don't see hope for our family becoming just that, a family! Or even hope that this searing pain will go away anytime soon!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed For My Ex

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Me myself has never been abused... But there were 2 people, ones an ex and the other i have been going out with for 7 months. My ex was born when her parents were 18, her mom left after just 1 year, her father then met another women and married her, and age 8 she had 8 siblings. Everyday she would come home from school and get beat along with her brothers and sister, she then moved in with her grandma at age 10. While she was there (and still is) was asleep, and then one day, her step-brother who was 14 snuck into her room, woke her up and put a knife to her throat, forcing her to commit sexual activitys, and threatend to kill her if she ever told anyone, this continued everyday for a month until she told her grandma, he was sentenced to 10 years, currently shes 15 and hes 19 serving the rest of his term in prison.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed42

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Shameless Creature: 
I am a 19 yr old male...i was child abused at an age of abt 7-10 years by our servant who was abt 15-17 then...He used to take me to an abondoned jeep in our estate and also hurted my genitals.I dint knw wat he was dng,but felt good.I also felt shame to tell anyone and slowly looking forward to his abuses..But when it got too serious i had to tell my mom...after a lot police complaints and the guy was sent back to his village.now i am 19 and i have turned a homosexual.I regret those incidents that happend and dream how i could hav led a normal life if that incident hadnt happened.I recently went to my native village and the guy who abused had married and had 2 children...i also felt pity for him.he was also a teenager than....some one mite hav abused him wen he was a kid,thereby he turned into such a person...




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed43

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Endless Guilt: 
I feel so guilty, sad, and alone. I guess by the defination, I was sexually abused as a child. I do not feel bad about being assualted. The ones who touched me inapproapriately when I was younger were children themselves, and I honestly don't feel that they meant any harm. The endless guilty comes from what I did to another child. I guess it would be good to start from the beginning.

My very first memory of being touched inappropriately was by my cousin. At the time, I was about 5 years old and she was about 9 years old. The memory is very vague, but I knew something wasn't right. Also when I was young (between the age of 5 and 6), I remember myself and my neighbor (who was about the same age) would play touching games and house. I don't remember any clothing ever being removed just dry humping as I recall. I remember us being caught, once by mom and once by our older sisters. I don't remember if there was any punishment given and no one ever stop us from seeing each other, so I'm sure the inappropriateness continued. Then my family moved closer to some relatives. I got to visit and play with my male cousins. We inapproapriately touched from about the time I was 6 to about 8 or 9 years old. We were all close in age. Eventually, we got caught. There were spankings and we were told how bad we were and such. When family members told my mom, I remember she asked me if I had done anything with my brother. I told her no, and that was the honest truth. After this, for a good three years, I did not participate in any inapproaprite touching with anyone.

One summer, when I was 12, I started dry humping with my cousin who was only 7 at the time. I don't remember how many times we did it and I know I knew it was wrong. One day we were alone, and we wanted to try oral sex. He pulled down his pants, but kept his underware on. I put my mouth over his penis in his undies. I don't think I kept it there long. Then I pulled down my pants and undies and he put his mouth on my private area. I believe that was the last physical contact we had. I remember before the summer was over, I took a walk with him and I told him everything we did was wrong and that we could not do it anymore. And for almost 11 years I completely and successfully supressed what I had done. After that, I had not had any sexual contact with anyone until I was 18. The very awful act I had commited with my cousin would pop up in my head every now and then, but I would just shrug it off. Tell myself I was just a kid and to get "over it". Also, I guess the reason I was able to keep it out of my mind was because I hadn't seen my cousin in a long time either. However, several weeks ago, he got my number from my sister. He just texted me to say hello. From this moment, it brought back the very bad things I had done into my head, but this time I could not shrug them off. Two weeks ago, I went to visit my family and my cousin was around. Now, I'm 23 and he's 18. We hugged each other and said how long its been since we last saw each other. Everything was normal, but I could not stop thinking about the awful act I committed with my much younger cousin. For the last two weeks, all I have done is cry. I find it very difficult to get out of bed. I've been late for work and my performance is poor. I even cry at work. I can't get on with the normal functions of my life. I try and hang out with friends and get it off my mind, but it doesn't work. There was this guy I was dating, but I dont feel comfortable talking to him anymore now. I feel like a dirty molestor. I touched a child and not only a child, but my own cousin. What if I ruined his life and what if he did to someone else what I did to him? I am a dirty incest child molestor. I've never been so depressed in my life. I should have known better. I have no idea what I was thinking. I have no idea how I suppressed this for 11 years and why its haunting me all of a sudden. I feel the only way out of my guilt is death. When I am out and I see children, I try and guess their age and compare the 12 years and 7 or 8 years olds and just think oh I should have known better. I am a freak! My life was going so well until now. I just do not know what to do. I started researching online to find others like me and to see if my behavior for my age was normal. It was not. It was too much of an age difference, almost 5 years. Everything I read made me feel worst until I found this site and read Dan1's story. Thank you so much Dan1 for sharing. I set up an appointment to see a councelor, but I don't think there is nothing that can be done. I am abuser, a molestor and I can't change it, nor can I accept it. Who can? I feel as if I have no future. I don't want to have kids now. I am afraid they will get touched or even touch others like I did. I am so lost and I don't think I can even function anymore. I have no one to talk to and nowhere to turn. I just don't know how long I can bear to live like this. Please help if you can.




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed44

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

The day i got abused was when i was 2 1/2 years of age my mom allowed a guy to beat the crap out of me and it was not fun i had stop breathing and i had marks all over my body and my mom was saying that i bruised real easy and i tell you it was not fun for me cuz after that had happened i trusted no one besides my dad i would not leave his side after all that had happend to me and i wish i can go back and put a stop to but i was only 2 i could not talk i couldnt defend myself and i couldnt speak up for my self i was helpless and i couldnt do andything and my mom would just sit there and whatch it happen to me and she wouldnt even stop the guy from beaing the cap out of her own daughter so i was put through child abuse its not fun i have scars on my face from it being hit so hard in the face.




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed45

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Wishing I was still: 
It all started when i was 10 i lived in mexico for about 3 yrs sens i was 9 but when i turned 10 every thing canged. i was really close to me grandpa i was his favorit hes by brothers byo grandpa he kind of my step grandpa.every weekend i would spend the night then one night was horrable.HE RAPED ME.i was sleeping in the same room just a different bed and then all of a sudden i wake up from him touching me.then thats when he did it.i dint know what to do.it all stoped when i moved bake to the us. no one in my family no expecilly my dad(step dad) i woulden want to hut any one.he took me verginity the one thing i wanted to save for someone special and he took it. i no longer talk to him and my dad wonders why. if he only knew




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed46

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I think i was around the age of 9 or 10. i remember that my parents went out with friends. so went to my parents friends house cuz they had a babysitter and she watched me for one night. that was a night i want to forget forever. but since reading all these stories about what happened to other people. i think its time for me to come out also. well when she was watching me. i was told to take a shower and that she will be in there in a minute or so..when she came in, she took her clothes off and started touching me and telling me to touch her all over. and then she starts kissing me. that is a night of horror and i want it to go away..i havent told anyone about this at all. im glad i told you guys though. thanks for listening to my story. it helped and dropped a huge weight off me.




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed47

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I don't really think this is abuse, but it's been bothering me for a while. My mother really likes pointing out my faults. I'm never good like the other kids. I asked her not to compare me once, because it really makes me sad but she said she couldn't help it because I wasn't anything like how I should be. I don't know how to fit her standards. I get okay grades. I guess I'm kind of ugly but you really can't help that. She really gets angry sometimes. Once I asked if I could change the channel and she got really mad. She told me I'm ungrateful and selfish and rude. I didn't eat dinner that night because I felt bad. The next day she wanted me to go to Walmart with her. I was scared to go downstairs and hid under my bed but she found me. She said I was tearing the family apart and asked God why she had this child. I was scared and locked myself in the bathroom. I heard her talking to my older brother, and she said I was a "b***h" and she wanted him to get "it" out of the closet. I was inside the closet thing inside the bathroom. My brother kept banging on the door, asking me to get out. I like my brother. I don't think he hates me but just wants us not to fight. He had the key and made me get out. He said I could sit and not talk, but in the living room. My mother came and saw me and asked when I'd start acting human. I didn't say anything and she just glared at me. I just sat there for a while until my brother came back. He said if I didn't talk that was okay, I could write a letter. So I wrote a letter. I gave it to my mother. It kind of hurt me because she said it was silly. I wrote I wished I was never born and I should be hit by a bus because I'm a monster. Maybe she thought I was lying but I wasn't. Now she's happy and doesn't go off like this but I can't stop thinking about it. I lose sleep over it and I don't want to eat any more but I do anyway because I am a stupid bitch. I'm not capable of loving her or my family. I am a monster and it's horrible because my mother and father had a first child who was nice and perfect and then they had to have me. I always start their fights. I always ruin everything. I think the wrong thing I did was being born. I don't even believe in God any more. Who am I? Why am I such a bad person?




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed48

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My Abuse: 
Growing up my sister and I were brutally abused by our father. He hung a thick cowhide whip in the hall to threaten us. The sad part was that he actually used it! I cry every time I remember the savage beatings he gave us! I remember once in the sixth grade I shaved my legs without permission. I was sitting in bed and my mom saw. She told me she had to tell my dad and that I knew what was going to happen. I then waited for him to walk in with that whip. He beat me so bad the welts on my legs split and began bleeding. I had bruises for months! He would shake us violently by our hair. When he didn't beat us with that whip he would use a belt. He would just swing it around and beat us all over our bodies. I remember he split my sister's forehead with a huge belt buckle. We always had to stop talking at his request. If we didn't he would backhand us so hard that our noses would bleed like a running faucet. He would push us to the ground and kick us as we were down on the ground. Once CPS got involved because my sister went to school with a bruised eye. I wanted to tell them everything so badly but I was scared that they would split us up. I remember hearing him tell them what a bad kid my sister was! I wanted them to take him away so bad! Perhaps the worst part was hearing him brag to others with gestures on how good of a beating he gave us! I hate my mom for allowing him to that to us! To this day she tells us we have no right to be mad! She says that we only remember the bad things that happened! I feel I have every right to be upset! I think things would have been very different had she been on the recieving end of the blows!




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed49

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Life With Our Abuser: 
I was 7 and my sister was 5 when our father molested us. We finally told someone after I believe a year of on off abuse. I can't remember how we told our baby sitter but somehow it came out. Our mother believed us of course and separated from our father for a while, but went back to him after he had counseling for his own abuse in childhood. Also his older brother was killed right in front of him by his own father. So needless to say my dad had issues. Me and my sister grew up in a home where my father stayed with us through out our lives until we moved out on our own. I am now grateful to have known my father, because I know now that he was a hurting person as well. That helps to understand some things as you get older but as a child I was only angry!! I wonder what kind of person I would have been had I not been molested?




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed50

by Name Undisclosed
(Pennsylvania, USA)

Sisters: 
First of all, I want to say to all the survivors out there, Never blame yourself for what had happens, these people are sick. We can overcome this obstacles by getting help and have someone you feel safe with, with you all the time. My stories may not be like others girl but im always going to be traumaize about this forever...I was so excieted to move to Pennslyvaina, everything seems so clean and not as crowed as New York City. AnyHow, I was 7 by the time it happens with my 2 sister. Im deaf well hard of hearing which means i can hear and speak as well, i use a advance technology to help me hear better, in a simply term a "hearing aids".

As We arrives to Pennsylavina, my uncle started to look very werid at me, i creep out and hid behind my mom leg, as we got inside the house, it was getting so late, me and my sister were getting sleepy so we told my mom to come with us in the attic, we were scared of the house, its was so HUGE! she pulls the air bed and slept with us until we were knot out. My favoirte place to sleep is next to the wall, for some reason, i feel safe, so i slept there my middle sister slept in the middle and The oldest slept on the first side.. I always sleep with my hearing off but when my uncles look at me like that i decided to sleep with it on just in case... The Adults were downstair drinking and having fun, everyone were so drunk, my uncle were suppose to sleep with my three brother but he didnt for some reason he got the guts to come up stair and say i came here to portect you girls, i curl up into a ball and tighten my blaneket, 30 min later, my head keep hitting on the wall, and it hasnt stop so im thinking is it me or my dream? than i heard like a crying noise, i woke up, that sick bastard got on top of my oldest sister. i didnt know the word rape at the time but he did thing that made my sister cry so i cane and bite his face, she punch ne so many time, as i scream my middle sister woke up scared ad hold me, hugging, he said " tell mom", "your dead".. it took me 4 year to tell my mom, it not that big but uim still scred until this day, and mom doesnt do a thing about it, But me and my two sister are like a knots, we protect each others and always will.




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed51

by Name Undisclosed
(Washington, USA)

Never again: 
I'm 14 years old. im a freshman. it started in the 5th grade. on a saturday. my mom was at work, shes a lawyer so she is extremely busy. about two months previous my grandmas ex husband moved in with us to take care of me. he was really weird. hed throw knives and watch me sleep. on the saturday, he asked me to lay on the couch with him. so i did. i fell asleep next to him. when i woke up his hands were inbetween my legs and up my shirt. he was moaning. it never happened again.

the next incident happened on a tuesday in the 5th grade also. i spent the night at my moms ex husbands house. not my dad. my mom was married three times. he was like my dad. he was my soccer coach and everything. i woke up around 6 and he asked me to go lay in his room. so i did. he wrapped his legs around me. and he was only wearing his boxers. he was putting his hands up my shirt. and kept moaning. it never happened again.

the third incident was with my cousin. on a saturday. in the 5th grade. again. im a girl. shes a girl. so its really confusing and weird to me. i was laying in my bed. and i had my back to her. she scooted up behind me and started tickling. i was tired so i pretended i was asleep. she stopped. and then she scooted closer to me and put her hand on my chest and moaned. that lasted for a few minutes. it never happened again.

the most recent incident. it was actually last friday. i went to a dance with a guy. but just as friends. he ditched me for a while. so duh i got mad. and so when he came back i stood up and stepped away from him and he grabbed my arm really tight and told me to sit down. so i did because he scared me. and then it got hot in the gym so we went outside and walked around the baseball field. he tackled me and we started play wrestling. i didnt like him or anything. i used to wrestle at a ufc thing so we were having a pretend match. and then he got on top of me. started kissing my neck. and then he started tickling me but he put his hands up my shirt. and then he grabbed my hips when he was on top and pulled them upward towards his. i didnt want to make him mad because of earlier when he scared me. so i just went along with it even though im dating someone and thats not what i wanted.. and so then he grabbed my underwear and he put his hand inbetween my legs and then he put my hand inbetween his legs and then he held my head in place and kissed me but i didnt kiss him back because i didnt want to. and then he got off me and my shirt was pushed up to my bra and he rubbed my stomach. and got up. and left.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed52

by Name Undisclosed
(California, USA)

I'm 15 n i read most of them and yes dont blame your self for what had happened in the past like i tell me self the past is the past and today is the present and the future is a mystery so my story is about when i was in 1st grade my mother burned me with an iron tip on the tip of my shoulder and it left a mark and well now i think it was my fault but it wasnt it was all a mistake thats what my mother called and well i think it was still my fault and well i never told no one because shes my mother and well i love her so the cops started to ask questions about my burn and well i told them i was playing and it fell on me which it didnt.....i not only remember but now and days i write every thing she does to me in a notebook where she cant find it and where she cdant read it not only that she burned me again in 5 or 6 grade she got mad at me so she got a spoon and then she pulled my arm and burned me people ask me about my burns but i do tell them espically my friends because i trust them more than my own mother but she always says she doesnt remember that she did all those things i only say to my self should i tell the cops and let the socail servises take my little brother and little sister and me away to a foster care where we might never see each other again no but i rather suffer and stay together and never get split up i really never told no one only my bffs because i can trust them on not saying nothing to anyone yet my boyfriends ask me but i lie to them because i dont want them to tell my mother i tolded people about my problems at home.




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed53

by Name Undisclosed
(Washington, USA)

ur not alone u know: 
I'm 13 my birthday is on 9/23 born in 96'..okay well the abused started when I was like 6 or 7?my DAD my own dad would like umm touch me down there.I hated it a lot!I'm not the only one that got molested or sexually abused in my family.I remember when my uncle came from california and he was 13 or 15?idk well I remember we were in my room and me and my sister were there.he would be playing his gameboy or whatever and I remember when he told me cover your face with the blanket and I did.my sister was like "ow it hurts!"and I looked and I'm liek what are they doing?and so he said we're done and I'm like 'what were u doing"he said we were playing a game..I'm like "oh" I didn't understand and I started getting older and I knew what was he doing to my sister and what was my dad doing to me.in 6th grade I went emo.my mom would get mad when she sees those cuts on my hand and I suffered a lot.now I'm in 7th grade and the abuse hasn't ended with me.with my sister yeah bt she doesn't remember anything.well right now I think I'm pregnant.i will never abort...its very sad and yes it does hurt the baby!why do u think u cry when u get hurt?I remember everything ...I have starting to have thoughts of suicide like since last year?some person who gave me bible study would presure me by asking "I know ur hiding something!tell me I won't tell no one all I do id want 2 help u"ppssshh leave me alone!I wanted to tellher bout the abuse bt I didn't I told her I cut myself.or have been thinking about killing myself.I don't want 2 abort because maybe after u abort u probably will get into drugs and stuff.at same time I wanna keep this baby and same time I don't bt I will even though I want 2 be a hollywood actress like michelle rodriguezI'm mexican.bt now I'm like 1 or 2 months prego and havnt told anyone.




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Child Abuse Story From Lauren A

by Lauren A
(Massachusetts, USA)

As a child, I have undergone both verbal and sexual abuse for a few years--verbally from a neighbor, sexually from three of my four brothers and a cousin. The abuse ended when it was discovered by my father. I went into therapy with several people, although none of them ended spectacularly. Little did they know, at the time I was too young to really understand what I had done wrong, and so no symptoms came up. However, then I began to mature, and to think. I am now thirteen, and still suffer horribly from the symptoms. Although my mother cares very much for me and loves me, she is blind to what I am going through. Almost daily, I face the internal war against suicide, the easy way out, as well as self-mutilation. I have not injured myself yet, but have come close many times. I have now resorted to creating fake vomit to get out of going to school, because I cannot bear to face all of my peers--they are just too perfect, unlike me. Of late, I have self-diagnosed myself as depressed and mildly schizophrenic, because no one seems to notice these things at all except for me. I hear voices telling me that i'm ugly and horrible and fat, and I see shadows and shapes that aren't there. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless, and like me, insignificant and unliked, that I will never go far in life. So why live?




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Eva1

by Eva
(Location Undisclosed)

Even if I won the Nobel Prize, I'd still be a worthless piece of rag on the inside. Even now, when I'm 31 and have a career and a life of my own, if somebody decided to wipe their doorstep with me, I would not know whether it is their right or not. I simply feel that I somehow deserve bad things to happen to me.

My mother, although a childhood victim herself, a sufferer from an eating disorder, was always the hero, the Chic, the woman with a great sense of humor to everybody else around. Other kids were often envious and said they would swap their mother for ours. Grownups would loudly applaud her for raising two such weak and complicated children, all by herself, after her divorce. Elderly neighbours would often remind us to obey and help our mommy, for she had such a hard time with us.

I remember being really confused at these comments, because, in fact, behind closed doors, when visitors left, and no one was watching, the mask would abruptly drop, and what me and my younger sister had to face was a sheer monster.

Ever since I can recall, probably from the age of zero, mom had been aggressive towards us. She had this routine, which for years I would consider normal, of screaming at the top of her voice, then smashing things, and then would come the beating. Anything and nothing would be her trigger. Whenever she raised her voice, me and sis would start crying hysterically, because we knew what was to follow. My father left when I was four, after my mother refused to seek counselling.

After dad left, there was nobody home to keep her tantrums at a certain level. Pure and utter hell arised. Mom would sometimes drag us out of bed at night and beat us and yell she would kill us and then kill herself. Even on "good days", when mom would not throw an aggressive fit, things like emotions, opinions, needs, even thoughts, were simply not allowed in our household. Some thoughts, if found out (eg. I had a good time at dad's this weekend), would start the beastly screams and a senseless beating. When mom was in a good mood (usually, after she had fully ventilated on us), we were also supposed to be in a good mood. When she was in a bad mood, laughter or smiling were punished. I was constantly reminded (and believed!!!), that the reason parents split up was my asthma (wow), that I was the one who brought home bacteria, that I would, like her, end up left by a man, that nobody would ever like me, that I was a disgrace and a shame to her, and that I was too much of a burden.

Then, around the time I started grammar school, the hunger came. Mom was simply annoyed with giving us breakfast, or lunch for school, or even something to drink. Food became scarce and soon we would turn vegetarian. I quickly started losing weight and hair, and doctors would start to wonder. As every anorexic, my mom had a bullet-proof scheme of lies. This was communist Czechoslovakia and there was near to zero awareness of such things like eating disorders, or seeing a psychologist. People with psychological problems would either resolve them somehow, or jump out of the window. This is how it used to work. So nobody helped.

On the contrary, things would spiral. Every time a doctor or a teacher would point out to mom there was something wrong with me, I'd be punished and threatened at home, for people were 'complaining of me'. Other kids were happy and fat and playful, while I only brought trouble to my own mother.

And yet, we always wore fashionable clothes (short sleeves and skirts were forbidden fruit, for they showed too much of our skeletal little bodies), we were never dirty, our hair accessories matched our dolls', mom would even sew us clothes that matched her own (just like on Mommy Dearest, that's funny) and we were ALWAYS treated just adorably, when there was audience. Should it happen that somebody would surprise our tragic trio at a usual session of abuse, with me and sis crying in terror, mom would momentarily put on her smiling, patient face and explain we were throwing a tantrum. (Oh, be nice to your mommy, they'd say) There was no way out. I was scared to tell anybody, because grownups would tell each other and mom would kill me. Every single night I would cry secretly before I fell asleep and sincerely wished I were dead. I developed anorexia at the age of 8 and suffered for 20 more years.

The rest is as follows on many stories I have found here. Heavy smoking, marijuana, binge drinking, promiscuity, abnormal relationships, workaholism. I left home (and the country) for good when I was 19. My poor sister, who, throughout all those years always tried to keep our illogical mom happy by serving her every blink of eye, completely lost any self-worth, had an abortion and ended up in a sect. Although I am in contact with my mom, I recently stopped visiting her completely. She's getting old and ill, and probably has early Alzheimer's and most probably needs help. But I just can't stand anybody spewing hatred at me anymore.

I've been in therapy for two years now, my anorexia is gone, which is a great relief. Yet there are weeks, when I just give up. I stop contacting people, have a hard time eating, stop seeing my therapist, stop looking after myself and just sit in my messy apartment and smoke cigarettes. I feel like I have nobody in this world, because I am not worthy of proper human interaction. What I'm most scared of is that this feeling might never go away. The beatings I could stand, it's the screams that will haunt me forever.




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Child Abuse Story From Holly1

by Holly
(Location Undisclosed)

I've read all these other stories. And I feel like mines different. I'm sure that's how everyone feels though.

My abuse started at ten I think. Can't exactly remember. But that's the earliest age I can think of.

Dad was always a business man. He had come home from a trip from somewhere out of state. I had just arrived home from school and my sister had left a note on the door saying don't bother dad he's in his office and it also said she would be home in a little bit.

Being a little kid, I was excited that my dad was home. So I flew up the stairs into his office to find him screaming on the phone with someone probably from work. I froze. I felt the negative energy (something that wasn't very common in my household) he threw the phone down and asked me to approach him. I refused, frozen like a rock in shock. In one motion he cleared off his desk with a big swipe of his arm computer and all. I didn't move. He aggressively approached me and threw me down to the ground. After taking a few blows I passed out. Probably caused by panic versus passing out because of abuse. I awoke to my older sister and my friend Tommy above me crying. Dad didn't come home that night. Mom was out of town that whole week.

Abuse continued throughout the years sometimes it was abuse as little as getting woken up at three in the morning then told to go stand in the middle of the garage in negative degree weather and no light. Until I had the guts to find my way to the light switch (usually a few hours) then make my way inside. Sometimes he'd laugh sometimes he'd make me go back out into the garage. Never laying a hand on me those nights. Sometimes the abuse was so bad he would drag me across the house and back beating me from head to toe leaving blood stains on the carpet then locking me in the bathroom and then he'd sit outside with a pistol and click the gun (like he was loading and unloading it) until eventually he would pass out (tiredness or drunkenness) and my sister would come rescue me from the bathroom and doctor my battle wounds. I have plenty of scars to show now.

I won't go into details unless you want me to because I find it unnecessary and in addition displeasing to some people. I don't want to take the memories I have in my head and place them into yours. I would never want someone to see the things that I have been through. I've watched my sister be in pain because of my abuse. He never laid a hand on my sister. Not once that I know of.

Physical abuse eventually turned into sexual abuse and that's all I'm going to say about the sexual part. My mom played oblivious to it all even though she knew what was happening. She was in denial and refused to believe he was hurting me. Later on in my life she apologized. It was a little too late for me to forgive unfortunately.

The people I've been calling dad mom and sister in this story aren't really my family. That's just how I always knew them as. I didn't know I was adopted until I was pregnant with my dad's (not my real dad but the man I've been telling you about) baby. I was 13 the first time I was pregnant with his baby. We were having a family "meeting" which usually ended in a beat down. And in the middle of our fight he shouted "we never should have adopted you" I didn't catch it at first but it made sense. They were Mexican brown eyes brown hair I was white as can be and blonde with blue eyes.

I met my real mom that same month. And she hung herself a few months later and blamed it on me in her suicide note three days before my fourteenth birthday. My friend and I found her hanging. Another memory I will never be able to block. Even now as I'm typing this tears stream down my face because I can still see her Blue body hanging. Even though I only knew her a few months I grew close to her. She slept around for money and introduced me to drugs. She was a sick woman, I realize that now. It wasn't my fault I just wish I could have fixed her before it was too late.

Enough about that. I don't like thinking about it.

CPS sent me to boarding schools and psych wards because my friends parents would report my dad and I would tell the caseworker that I was a liar and I compulsively lied which my dad coached me to say.

Ehh. That's probably all I will share on here. I have a bunch more stories from his abuse if anyone wants/needs to hear them or needs help talking about their abuse. I'm a good listener. I find happiness in helping others. I'm glad to help. I know what it's like to be the pretty one and have that used against you. I hated being pretty. I would try to make myself ugly and smelly because I hated the attention.

That's the basic summary though.
Just know there's a hell of alot more.




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Child Abuse Story From Monica For My Daughter

by Monica
(Western Australia)

My 3yr old daughter has just told me that her daddy has been touching/poking her special spot...shortly after she was doing very strange things with her dolly, things that a 3yr old would not normally know about. I have contacted the appropriate people about it but it has been 2 days and i have not heard from them. I'm trying to be strong for my brave little girl but i just feel like i want to break down. I feel like i have failed as a mother because its MY job to protect her and keep her safe. How long does this sort of situation take to go through the authorities etc.? I just wish she would hate him and not want to see him ever again, but she doesnt... she loves him and she keeps saying "sorry mummy" like she thinks it's her fault. :(

It feels good to express how i'm feeling because i have to be sooo careful who i talk to about it. How could anyone (let alone her own flesh and blood!) hurt something so innocent and beautiful?!




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Child Abuse Story From Melody1

by Melody
(Location Undisclosed)

My father was a very bad alcoholic, well he still is that I know of. He always would fight with my mom, for the slightest reason. My mom and I were walking on egg shells whenever we were around him. My mom finally got the courage to divorce him when she found out he had been cheating on her for many years with the same woman. But I was required to still go to his house since I wasn't old enough to decide not to go see him. I was about 12 years old or so. These visits to his house was when it would get bad. He was living with his girlfriend and her two boys. It felt like I didn't belong there. Every night he would sit me down in the living room and yell at me for any reason he could come up with. He would blame my mom and I for ruining his life. I would try and block him out of my mind while he talked so that I wouldn't get upset. My visits and the yelling continued for 2 years.

I remember one night when he and his girlfriend were fighting like crazy. I went into the boys room and sat with them while we listened to them fight. The boys were 5 and 10. I heard my father open my room door looking for me and when he didn't find me he came looking in the boys room. I was terrified of what he was going to do. He had a beer in one hand and a bat in another. He yelled at me for being in the boys room and grabbed me. Then his girlfriend came and stopped him from hitting me. That was the last visit I had to my father's house.

My mom got full custody of me and we moved to our home town with our family. I haven't seen my father in 4 years. I get really scared and nervous whenever people yell and I easily cry if people shout at me. But I'm going to be ok.




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Child Abuse Story From Melissa4

by Melissa
(California, USA)

Ever since I can remember, my dad has been incredibly aggressive. All through my life I watched him throw toys and shoes and tables and such at me and my siblings or just at walls. He also beat on my siblings, and he'd hit me, but I don't remember ever actually being beaten. He also constantly degraded us and picked out and made fun of every little bit of everything we did. He also used to grab my butt. I really don't think it was for his pleasure though. I remember the last time he did it I was 12 or 13. We were at Disneyland and he and I had been arguing. I started walking faster to get away from him, and he grabbed my butt...I turned around to yell at him and he was laughing.

The thing is, since all my other siblings seem to have had it worse and most of what he did seems to barely fit in the definitions of abuse that I found, it feels like my siblings were abused and not me. They got beaten, but I don't think I did. Yet they all seem to have turned out better than me. Sure, I get good grades and all that, but they don't talk about killing themselves all the time. I've been sent to a psychiatric hospital four times so far. None of my siblings have, even though they had it worse than me. So it really seems like I'm just overreacting because they were abused and I wasn't. Sometimes I wish he'd beat me or rape me or something so I would feel justified in my being like this. I guess that's pretty wrong to say, but I feel so weak and pathetic that I wish something worse had happened so I wouldn't feel bad for feeling bad.




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Child Abuse Story From Dale

by Dale
(Location Undisclosed)

i dont know where to start alot of my child hood is a blur which is maybe for the best somethings i do know were that i was beaten and neglected i hated living with mum and dad i was always scared i looked forward to school to get away from it but then the same happened there i was also beaten i used lay in bed at night and cry untill i fell asleep i hated everything and nearly asnyone the only place i ever felt safe was at an aunts place i end up on drugs and abusing alcohol which nearly killed me from wut i remember i was about tens yrs old alot more has happened since iam now 32 and at times feel like i want die its the only way to ease the pain i have tried talking to someone but they wont listen or dont believe me is there any hope for me plz i need to know all i want is peace so i can live my life surely thats not to much to ask if not then i only have one other way out




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Child Abuse Story From Missy1

by Missy
(Georgia, USA)

Mother died when i was six and I was left with father and very afraid after being sexually abused by him. for many years. he come and wke and make take my night socks bra and underwear. He rape me. before he rape he call me Miss and not tell anyone about it. On 13 birthday he had party for my some my freinds some his freinds wrre there. After the my freinds but my father's freind did not. It was late I knew I had the next day. When I was down to my bra and underwear my father two of his freinds came in to my room as I was getting undressed. My told to take my bra na dunderwear off He freinds go first they both raped fondled me. after tjhey done then my father raped after they left I I did not take shower. I put the clothes I was wearing before I got undress for shower I waited until my father was asleep and I snuck and went ot police station and told wht happened they took to the hospital and they took all my clothes. My fater and his two frinds wrre arested charged that I called my grand mother form my late mother's side of the family to come and get from the hospital. My father got seral years in prison when I was 23 I heard he wa out prision.

Tat made uneasy eonder if he was going come after me. I could hear voice in my mind calling me Miss. It was short for Missy. It has been two yers and I have a restaining order against him so he wil try anything but I never ever want see him again. I want move withmy life even if my childhood was taken from me.




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Child Abuse Story From Michelle4

by Michelle
(Location Undisclosed)

Every time my mom says something she abuses me i dont know whetter to call the police or to do something crazy out of my mindbut i just dont want to keep tolerating this.theres a lot of people innocent dying why people have to be punishesd .i think shes like that becasuse she never got attention from a paRENT




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Child Abuse Story From Polly1

by Polly
(Location Undisclosed)

Step-brothers (partners of my mum) both abused me: 
I was very young when i was abused an 2 years in my little brother started being treated the same by the partner our mum was with.

I blam myself for nt protecting him as i was older and i knew what was happening was wrong. But i just couldn't.

My brother actually came out with it when he was only 5 years old and at this point i had been being abused for 3 years an i was 4 years older than my brother

I am greatfull to my brother for saving both of us buti just blame myself for nt being there for him.

My older brother started blaming me for putting mums partner into prison as they gt on well.. he would always spread it round school... he's now got A.D.D an takes alot out on me.

I'm a young carer so i help to support my family. which is hard to cope with sometimes as all blame gets put on me and everyone in my family relise on me to be the one to pick up the pieces.

I've tried to kill myself 4/5 times because even tho i didnt get raped i had bad physical and emotional abuses.

A few years later my mum got with this blokes step brother which was an acoholic and couldnt control himself. he also physically hit out on us (me an my mum). he tried to kill me bt tht soon ended after he found out mum was pregant and he didn't want to know.

I have the constant memories of everything and have alot off nitemares. i cn suffer from real depression bt i jst think to myself tht it would be much easier dead.




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Child Abuse Story From MiKayla D

by MiKayla D
(South Carolina, USA)

It really shouldn't hurt to be a child

It really shouldn't hurt to be a child

Have you ever thought about the teenagers that always do good in school but are always keeping to themselves. In high school did you ever think before teasing another child? Most likely your answer is no. You have no clue what that child has been through. I am sixteen years old. I am a victim of emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse and forms of neglect. I don't know exactly how long my abuse had been going on because it started at a very young age. I know that it ended when i was around the age of 8 years old. My father was a drunk and a drug addict. He would beat me until i passed out then when i woke up he would play with me and watch cartoons like a normal father. This put false emotions into my head forcing me to believe that pain equals love. I started causing pain to myself so that i would get attention. My mother was never around she worked all night and slept all day. at the time i wasnt aware that she wasn't really working but having an affair. my dad used to take me into his room at night and touch me even when i begged him not to and told him it hurt. this pains me to write and this is all i can say at this moment but now 8 years later i have found out my mother knew this the whole time and did nothing its too late for me to get justice but i hope nobody out there lets this happen to them without sending the man or women to jail.




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Child Abuse Story From Amelia

by Amelia
(USA)

When i was a baby it seemed like everything went great! We have pictures of me and my parents, like a pic of my dad holding me up high and me laughing and him smiling. Then a picture of a whole group gathering! But i was their very first child and they said they really loved me and stuff like that which never seemed true! So they used to really love me because i was alway their first child..until my mom had my 2 other brothers and my little sister which is now 7 and my brothers are 10 and 8. So then my brother came along into the family and we all still loved eachother. Tehn came along my brother which was a very big deal because he is the trouble maker/devil in our family, then came along my annoying sister! She was a big pain in the back! She is the spoiled little brat! But the bad reason is that my dad has big a** MIGRANES! So he would get most of his migranes and blame it all on us! So all the abuse started from here! He then started to hit us with belts,scream at us, lock us up in the bathrooms and leave us in there for about 2 hours! So he started to scare us with the belt and beat us and we would get marks! But it stopped for a while because that time we were like all very young. One day my brother goes to school. He had a big bruise near his shoulder so on his arm. The teacher asked him what happened and he told her everything about my dad because that time he was in kindergarten. So he told her everything and then that same exact day the teacher reports it to the office and the office report it to the police. That night my mom was praying and all we heard was a big knock on the door. My mom stops once she figures out it was the police. They asked for H and asked if my dad was home. My dad wasn't home that night though. So they talk with my brother and take all the information from him. He told them everything and then my mom calls me because they took him into the room. My mom tells me u tell them anything your dead and so i didn't dare open my mouth so i told them my parents didn't do anything and so did my other brother he told them they dont do anything to us, so they believed and then they left. So my dad stopped with the abuse. Then we al grow up and i am 12 now and the abuse started all over again! I am a tiny bit overweight and my parents say it is such a big dealso my dad makes fun of me and beats me my mom yells at me and beats me. They both smoke and my dad still gets migranes. My mom says she doesn't want mme in her life anymore, and i dont want them in my life ever! So she yells at me uses mean verbal language and my dad makes fun of me andbeats me and my youngest brother. So every lie my brothers might tell him he would believe! My brother causes most of their stress and so they blame it all on me. Except for one time when my dad beat my brother really bad and left bruises all over his body and he popped his vein in his eye so it all turned red. My dad now threatens that he would do that to my brother again. Me and my mom dont get along she never prepares us food when we come from school she always yells at me and say (you b***h i hate you so much) so i always hate her back! I cant go anywhere with my friends. So i ahve to stay with my family most of my life! My dad gets really mad at me so he beats me my mom thinks i have a mental issue or something. I hate all my brothers and even my parents. I hate everyone who knew and didn't do anything. I feel like killing myself or running away from home! Cuz i want to belong to a nice clean and caring family!




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Child Abuse Story From Jenny2

by Jenny
(Location Undisclosed)

I love my boyfriend, this may sound stupid coming from me, even though I'm only 16 but it's true. I'd do anything for him and my story begins the night I try and help him. My boyfriend lost his mother when he was 8 and his father has continued to raise him for 9 years by himself. His father has become an alcoholic and is struggling to keep it together. One night my boyfriend calls me crying(he never crys. Ever.) his father had just beaten him when he came home drunk. So my boyfriend was extremlu upset so I decided to drive over and try to calm him down. I go over and we watch his favorite movie till he falls asleep. I make sure he looks comfortable and I get up to leave. As I'm almost near the door his father spears out of mo where. I'm not sure how but he gained control of me and dragged me to his room where he continued to rape many times. Finally after he passed out after his fifth beer just in front of me I got up and left. I never told my boyfriend what happened to me... How could I!? I love him and I am still with him to this day.

Maybe I'm insane, but I can't make him suffer because of his father he has already done that enough




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Child Abuse Story From Schnapps

by Schnapps
(Location Undisclosed)

Over twenty years ago, you walked into my room with a plan to rape me. You made me a participant and paid me. Mom walked in and saw you in my bed. She spoke to you and then asked me if anything happened. I don't know if I was protecting you or if I was afraid you would hurt me, but I told her nothing.

But I knew she knew.

You stole my virginity, innocence, my family, my childhood.

I look at pictures and I see myself before and after being raped. I don't even see the little girl I once was.

And then I made myself as big as I could because I numbed my pain with food. I had nothing else.

One day while walking to church with our drunk mother, she told me that she lost her virginity after she was married. I had lost mine to you years before. And I felt filthy and worthless then and for years to come.

The Lord is the only one who can save me...and you. I don't forgive you. I don't think I can ever forgive you.




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Child Abuse Story From Tyra

by Tyra
(Bellingham, Washington, USA)

My heart is broken: 
It started when i was no older then 1 month i felt i did something wrong i still feel this way it hurts what do you do when your only 1 month and your mom already hates you... what do you do when your told that your worthless or have a broken arm then go to the doctors and your mom says that "you fell and that she tried to catch you?" what can you do? this is my life full of pain and sadness and drug aticted parents i remember when i was little and my mom burned my eye with a cigarete because i was crying and she did not like it what did i do? i ask that question everyday and everysecond even though i got out of that situation when i was 13 and that was 5 months ago i still feel the beatings and the sex that my dad had put me through and the emotoinal abuse my mom put me through she wants me to die. also i remember the "bath tub game" that was when my mom or my step dad made me take a bath in cold water and pushed my head down so i couldent get up or move all i could do was wait too die and i almost did until my sister came and saved my life. thats as much as i can tell before its i got a knife and im not afraid to kill you with it sounding well all i need is someone to understand and i have a feeling you guys do thank you.




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Child Abuse Story From Jessica12

by Jessica
(Louisville, Kentucky, USA)

Man I didn't know: 
I'm 17 years old my family is great and loving i lived with my granparents for years but i met this guy online that i wanted met and they wouldnt let me met him so i went to met him and live there. i didnt like him he didnt force me do anything really and i just stopped talking to him and was single..my granmother always had friends coming over and we had fun with them so my brothers ex-girlfriends brother was over at the house one day but only one that was home was my uncle and he was sleeping and i told him and he said he would wait for her to come home and to stay downstairs i said idk when she will be home and im going upstairs and to wait down here but he came up stairs anyways and asked what i was doing and i said on computer and i got up and he pushed me on the bed and asked if i ever had sex and i accutally havent and he was my first but i didnt say anything then he pushed me on him and i got off here and tried run away but he pushed me back on him and held me down with his hands on my hips and made me ride him finally he let me get away and he said to tell no one what happened and i called my mom and told her and she said i was crazy then i told my uncle who was downstairs and he was pissed and beileved me i go to conusling now and moved back in with my granparents i gave my conusler his name but im not sure if she has been able to find him yet i hope they do and can get him in jail for what he did to me.




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Child Abuse Story From Ruby

by Ruby
(San Jose, California, USA)

Long story, I need to let it out. I'm 19 now: 
Ever since I was a baby everyone would tell my mother how cute I was...aunts would tell my mother how much they wanted to "adopt me". Now it all feels like a dream. At the age of 2 my mother left me in the care of an uncle who abused drugs at the time. He molested me & even though I was little I still remember every moment, when my mother came home I told her what had happened and she took me to a hospital where they examined me & said I was molested but not raped... Years later at the age of 5 I was at my grandmother's when the next door neighbors asked me to "play" with them. A father & a son I hardly knew them but I trusted just about anyone at that age. I was forced to get undressed,and play mommy and daddy with the next door neighbors. My grandmother came looking for me what seemed like hours later and found me half naked behind the house. She didnt tell my mother because she was scared. I was scared as well because I still to this day cant remember everything that happened. My father was an alcoholic & used just about every drug he could get his hands on. The first memory of my father is him beating my mother... Well when I was 7 my mother left my father & my new "dad" was coming into the picture.A year later we moved in with my step dads(family). My step uncle then started to sexually abuse me, when my mother & "step father" werent home. I was told so many lies and so much BS was put into my head. My step uncle was telling me i was going to be taken away from my mom if I ever told anyone, he was going to kill me, and hurt me. He then put into my head that we were secret boyfriend and girlfriend and I had to do everything he said"a secret RELATIONSHIP". He Raped me every other day,He molested me infront of my older brother (who was only a year older than me), he made my brother think that me crying ment that I liked it, He not only placed lies in my head but also in my brothers head. I recall being out of it & when I look back on i believe I was drugged a couple of times. I didnt know what boyfriend or girlfriend meant! and I knew what was going on didnt feel right but I didnt know what to do..I felt so helpless, all I wanted to do was be left alone,I couldnt focus in school, I didnt want to be touched at all, I completely lost myself. I remember talking to my older brother and telling him " Please help me, tell mom for me, Im scared" and in the most coldest way he said " Shut up, You like it!". At that point I almost lost it, I wanted nothing more than to die. What did I do to bring this upon myself. I was tormented by my step uncle & the last couple of times he tried to rape me I would just lay there crying. If I told my mom I would break up the family and she would hate me, thats what I was told..And then one day I remember my mother was crying on the stairs and I asked her what was wrong..She said your step dad cheated on me and now we're moving away from here. I felt so relieved! I couldnt believe it. The following day my step uncle told me to pull down my pants and I remember getting extemly nervous, I replied," NO". He tried to yank my pants down and I started screaming "NO!!". He stopped and said you're going to regret you ever said that. Before he could touch me I ran into the kitchen where his mother was.. I had suffered for 5 years physical,emotional, and sexual abuse.I was finally away from him but I was still so damaged... At the age of 16 I felt I had to get it off my chest so I told her ," mom I was molested & raped by R".. She didnt believe me, and brushed it off by saying"well it's to late now"... I feel worthless.

Im now 19 with the guy of my dreams, the boy I met when I was in elementary,We have an amazing wonderful baby boy & my son is my life!! But everything is still horribly messed up. MY self esteem is non existing. I hate myself for being sexually abused, I feel like its my fault and I can never look as good as any other young lady,Im damaged goods.. I wear sweatshirts all the time. I have nightmares every now and then, and thanks to my husband I feel safer than I did before. He loves me all the time but I cant do the same because the scars are so deep, I wish to let my past go. I want this to be the past and not part of the present. I plan on going to a psychologist to see if him or her can help me. For the better of myself and my family.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah R

by Sarah R
(Maryland, USA)

Police may not always help: 
I'm 14 and live in maryland. My father was a cop, not going to say where... He wasnt what you may call a great father who is always there for you. My mother married him for 2 reasons... She was neglected when she was a child so my fathers parents treated her like a daughter so that is reason 1. and reason 2 is because the man she loved went away so she married my father. I have not ever had a real father. He would threatin my mom if she wouldnt do what he said, he punched her, choked her, and slapped her. He didnt care who saw it except it had to be people who lived with us who saw. like any other abuser they act fine when we had guests but when we were alone he would hurt us once more... My sister got a concusion once from him pushing her down the stairs and from bashing her head against a wall. He slammed a door into my face when i started to cry when i saw him hit my mother. He was going to punch my sister for leaving a cheese wrapper on the counter. He has pushed my dog down the stairs and threatnd to leave me on the side of the road. I have many other stories but my time on here is limited. My mother got a divorce from him when i was 9. he told me i had to choose who i wanted to live with.. i told him i didnt wanna choose. he called me a filthy f***ing whore... i have gotten kickd out of my dads house last week and said he never wanted to see me again. my step mom is a reason why that happend...Evil Step-Mother! I call her... I am now excluded from my fathers family and my grandmother hates me. my father is part of the reason why my sister and mother tried to commit suicide. i am now free of all the hate but till i die i will hold what he did to my family to heart and i hope one day he will pay for the things... he was never caught, the cops said that he wasnt like that and we needed to listen to him. our church leader said that we just needed to obey what my father said.

I hope that many people will read this and find hope from your abuse and seek help. for there is help somewhere. I am sarah R and i hope you the best and to not suffer through hardships from an abuser.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jazmin

by Jazmin
(Indianapolis, Indiana, USA)

My mom had me and one of my younger sisters from the same guy he was a missing in action father so she raised us by herself. then she met this guy he was nice at first took us out to eat and chuck e cheese you know fun stuff. then they had my little brother and got married a few months after he was born thats when everything changed. he started beating my sister my mom and me. he would accuse my mother of cheating but he was really cheating we had to clean constantly. one thing i really remember was when i was about 9 or 10 and my sister was 7 she had wrote on the wall and i put glitter on my tv he got really mad and duct taped our hands and mouths and put us in the corner my mom was to scared to try and stop him my grandma tried but child protective services had already threatened to take us because the school saw our bruises then one night he came in my room he started rubbing my back i knew it was wrong he didnt go any further than that i told my mom the next morning and she said that was too much so when he came home that night he got mad at my sister he put her in a head lock and beat her my mom put him out then the divorce started they had a daughter before the divorce during the process he got visitation rights with my little brother and sister my baby sister would come with money all the time but my brother wouldnt then my mom noticed she was red and iritated in her vaginal area we found out he had been sexually abusing her she was about 3 or 4 she went throgh therapy and told them what all happened. to this day he is still not in jail they say she is too young to lock him up for it they said if she can recall what happened when she is in her 20s then he can get locked up he gets supervised visits with my brother he has remarried and his new wife knows what happened she an my mother are friends and his wife makes sure he does what he is supposed to do but everday i pray that he gets locked up because once you do it you can do it again i prayed to god everynight for it to stop still have some physical and emotional scars from this i went through counseling with a therapist and my pastor but everytime i see him i want him to suffer like we did thank you for reading my story




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Kaylie

by Kaylie
(USA)

Neglect, Emotional, and Child Endangerment: 
I'm 14. My mom is an alcoholic. In this last year, she has both neglected me and verbally abused me. She has made me feel like a horrible daughter and horrible person in general, she makes me feel like I'm not good enough. She promised me everything was going to be okay, and that she would stop drinking. a week after that (about 3 months ago) she tried to kill herself and was in the mental hospital for almost two weeks. now she's out and it's like nothing has changed. she has driven me drunk twice since shes been out. Once to school an hour before school started so I had to sit outside in the rain, and then again just today. She picked me up from counseling and I didnt realize she was drunk till it was too late. We were on the highway swurving and on the other side of the white line by the ditch. I screamed and cried but she wouldn't pull over and let me out of the car. evenetually for the rest of the longest 20 minutes of my life I just prayed in my head to God. I asked him to watch over us and keep us safe, he did. because by some miracle we didn't crash. that road is nicknamed "suicide highway" because so many people die on there in car accidents. My dads an alcoholic too who has also verbally abused me. He told me and my sister about a year ago we were stupid retards, and he didn't care about us or ever want to see us again. that he didn't love us. He has been sober for a while now, but I still don't feel completely comfortable around him, and my heart still hurts when I think about what he said. I do not have anger towards anyone about my situation, because I know that God has given me this life for a reason. I love my mom with all my heart, and I hope she gets better instead of worse. I know everything will work out eventually. My heart goes out to all of you who left comments, and everyone who is being abused in any way. Everything will be ok in the end, I promise. <3




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Daphne

by Daphne
(Location Undisclosed)

I was sexually abused by my father, beaten and was verbally abused: 
Daphne is really my middle name because I want to remain unknown. I was sexually abused by my father from age 2 until I was 7. He stopped because he became afraid of getting caught. To this day, he denies it and says my mother made it all up.

He never raped me, so I've always told myself that it wasn't that bad. He forced me to perform oral sex on him though. I say forced, because I was only 7 and how could a 7 year old do something like that at will?

He used to put his penis between my legs and move his body around. I used to enjoy it because I felt special and close to my daddy. It messed me up big time. When I was 14, I in turn let my 11 year old brother touch my breasts. It never went further than that, but I feel horrible that it happened and he has since forgiven me.

My father used to beat me when he lost his temper. I remember being kicked on the carpet against the couch. I remember being lifted by my neck suspended in air while I peed myself. I remember him grabbing my arms so hard that I had bruises all over them. I remember him hitting my head so hard that my ears would ring. I remember being called a "c*nt" a "sl*t", etc. I used to love it when he was on the day shift because he wouldn't come home until 9:00 p.m. The house would be so quiet on those nights.
I used to undress for the boys in my neighbourhood and let them touch me. My mother used to beat me for it and say I was a bad girl. She never once asked me when I was 6 years old why I was taking my clothes off for the boys.

I tried to do well in school and I was popular in high school. I remained a good girl; I was a virgin and I didn't drink or do drugs. Then my parents divorced when I was 17 and that's when I really went downhill. I quit school; hung out with a bad crowd; experimented with drugs and alcohol, but thankfully I never became addicted.

My mother used to resent me as a child. She was jealous of my "special" relationship with my father. She knew about it and pretended not to. I told her many times and she would ask my father. He would deny it and she would stop believing me. She now plays the victim every time the subject comes up and it's always about her being victimized by my father; not how she failed me as a mother.

I told a social worker at age 11 and they confronted my parents and were ready to put me and my brothers and mother on welfare. That scared my mother, so she began asking me over and over if it was really true and what would become of us if we left my father. I finally lied. I told her that I made it all up. I told her that it wasn't true and that I was sorry. She was angry with me after that and used to bring it up, so finally in anger at 17, after she accused me of lying, I yelled at her and told her it really happened. Again it was all about her; she was the victim; she was lied to; she called a hotline; she became suicidal; her blood pressure was high; poor little her. Then she would lay guilt trips on me that why wouldn't I forgive her. She couldn't take the verbal abuse from me anymore. Whatever.

I moved to Vancouver when I was 20 and broke all contact from them. I didn't talk to my father for 3 years. I didn't talk to my mother for 1 year. I later moved back to my city (3,000 km away) and decided I wanted to go to university. I started stripping to raise money for my school. I table danced for 6 months; made great money and then decided to stop and get a waitressing job; which I did to finish school.

I tackled by abusive past; I tried counselling, self-help books, etc.; but the best therapy for me was finishing university. The feeling I had walking to get my degree was amazing. I wasn't stupid after all!

I'm now still in contact with both parents, but it's very distant and I only let them be with my kids when I am supervising.

I'm now happily married with two beautiful children - a girl and a boy. I have a great paying job with the government and I'm happy. My husband is a bit hot tempered and can be a bit verbally abusive, but I have done really well considering what I have been through. He is a great father to my children; loving and compassionate. We will grow old together; I know we will even though our marriage is not perfect. My happiness out of a 10 is an 8 on most days and my marriage is happy; not perfect, but happy.
You can go through life either being a survivor or a victim. I have chosen to be a survivor. I hope that my story can be an inspiration to other "precious" girls and women like me. Don't get me wrong...it took me a LONG time to get to where I am today. I am now almost 40 and still working out some of my issues.

When I had my babies, I felt so alone. It was then that I realized again how little family I have. My family doesn't really care about me. No one offered to help me with my babies when they were newborns even when my son had colic. My mom offered, but then she'd call and cancel saying she hurt her back or had a cold...whatever.

I am now coming to terms with really letting my parents go...to accept in my mind that things are the way they are and that I need to forgive myself for all the things that I have done and realize that I did those things to get to who I am today. I am very proud of myself regardless of my imperfections.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Christelle

by Christelle
(Montreal, Canada)

My friend and I were molested by my dad's friend: 
My friend (let's call her Giselle )and myself were touched by my parents friend. Last Friday my parents were having a small party most of the people there were grown-ups that worked at the Université with my dad. Anyway half way throw the party my dad told me that one of the new teachers would be staying with us for the night, so he wanted me and Giselle to go introduce ourselves. At first we thought that he was going to be this really old guy, but we were quite shocked that he was young about 27 or 28, really good-looking, had long blonde hair wore it a ponytail. Anyway he seemed nice enough, really friendly. Basically making small conversation. Anyway it had gotten late ( around midnight ) and the party had started to die down, so me and my friend had went to bed. At around 1am I heard a knock on my door. At first I though it was probably Giselle, but it was my dad's friend. He had asked if he could come in, So I let him in and he started talking to me. Asking me about school, my friends, about Montreal in general. Then he started telling me about how much my dad talks about me to him. Telling me how I'm his "little girl", the "princess" of the family etc. Then I started noticing that his hand was on my knee. I started to get really uncomfortable so I told him and asked him if he would mind leaving. He got up and went the door and closed it and locked it. I got really scared and asked him what he was doing and he started coming towards me and he pushed me on my bed and started to touch/rub and kiss me everywere. I kept crying and trying to push him off but he kept shushing me and telling me how much I would "enjoy it" and how he could see that I wanted "it". The whole thing lasted for about 15 minutes and after that he had got up and helped me put on my shirt and told me that it was going to be our "little secret". I started to cry and just wanted to pretend it was all a bad dream and that it never happend. A few hours later at around 3am I heard more knocking on my door. I though it might be him so I was scared to open my door until I heard Giselle's voice. She was shaking and crying and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. After a few minutes she told me that my dad's friend had come in and got on top of her and started touching her like he done me. Since then I keep wanting to tell my parents but I keep getting scared. Sometimes I think it's my fault and my parents aren't going to believe me. Giselle she goes on like nothing happened and everything's fine. But it's not. Saying she just wants to forget about it. Were both getting ready to turn 17. We really want to tell her parents, but were scared. We don't know what their reactions might be.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From J MTZ

by J MTZ
(Location Undisclosed)

I was about 5-6 years old...We lived in Boston. My father's brother used to make me touch him and kiss his private part. He later moved and the abuse stopped. It all began again at the age of 9 years old this time by my father (found out later he wasn't my real father) It was during the summer and my mom was at work. He sent all the kids out to play and I wasn't allowed to go because I had to clean the kitchen as I was cleaning the kitchen he asked me to go into the room and do something he followed right behind that was the first time. The abuse continued and shortly it wasn't just sexual but physical and emotional. If he would send everyone outside to play and I went along I would get a beating afterwards. He would tell my mom that I had been bad and wouldn't listen to him (those were his excuses for beating me and making me stay inside the house). At the age of 14 years I finally told a family member and they told my mom. I was left at the family member's house and they moved away. I would get threatening calls from him and calls from my mom saying that she wanted to kill herself for allowing this to happen to me. I was scared confused and regretted saying anything because my mom was threatening to kill herself. after a couple of months she called and said that it was safe for me to come home that she no longer worked and could watch me that I would be safe...so like any child I missed my brother and sisters and wanted so much to be home again...so I ended up back home. Everything was going good for a couple of months then one saturday I had gotten up early and gone to the restroom as I was walking out my dad was at the door and he made his way in and the sexual abuse began once again...This time I didn't tell no one I was scared because now he would threaten to kill me if I said anything. So the sexual abuse continued and so did the physical and mental abuse...We moved to Houston at I was now almost 15 yrs old and I kept asking myself was this going to go on forever???? Would I be married and still be sexualy abused by my dad??? So I ran away from home...Each day I feared that he would find me and kill me. I had nighmares of both the sexual and physical abuse. At the time I ran away they moved to the Valley but I still feared for my life. I moved in with an older guy 3 times my age because I could not work...he would also physically abuse me I get beaten every time he felt I was being unfaithful...Which I couldn't understand why he all ways had me by his side always guarding me so I wouldn't leave. At the age of 17 years old I meet a guy and got the courage to run away with him even though I feared for my life I wanted the beating to stop...things were good with this man he treated me good and loved me than he got into drugs and started beating me...by 18 years old I had a baby girl she was beautiful and I loved her with all my heart...I vowed that no harm would ever come to her that no man would either beat or abuse her. The beating kept on. my daughter was now 2 years old and I looked at her after one of those horrible days and asked myself if this was what I wanted for my daughter to see her dad beat her mom and think that this was what a woman had to put up from a man that day I grabbed my daughter walked out and never looked back...I was scared didn't know how I was going to feed my daughter or pay to get a roof over our heads...But with courage and determination I survived...I made lots of mistakes in my life but they were due to not trusting men. I couldn't keep a man because I did not trust them around my daughter. My story goes on. it took me a life time to find a man that I could trust with my kids (okay not totaly) My thing is if you have ever been abused in any way get help don't try to deal with it on your own...look for agencies. If I would have found one caring adult in childhood years my life could have been a different story...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Joselyn C

by Joselyn C
(California, USA)


I Was Frist Abused At The Age Of 9. My Father Was Mostly Never Home. My Mother had a anger issue. and when she would get upset she would find anything she can and hit me. i was thoose types of girls who loved the outdoors. so i would go outside, my mother would go otside and find my drag me back home. she would hit me with cables, choke me, strangle me, hit me with belts, and she would hit me any were she can. she would also punch me, kick me in the stomach and leave me there in the room after she was finshed. at frsit i was scared to tell my dad this was happing he was a busy man. then things started to change, my mom was more aggresive and my dad was tired of her yelling at him. he would leave the house, and didn't come back until 3 days later or so drunk. My mother would only hit me. i had 3 other siblings but her main target was me. she would let them hit me tease me or anything they would like. When we had guest she acted like if i were her child and whe they came it was a big weight off. Oh by the time they leave, all i can hear is her screaming and BAM there goes her wipping. I would cry out to the sky,"God why me, why do you let this happen. Why do you allow choldern to get hurt this way." Also i was a victiam of Sexual abuse from my uncle who was married to my aunt. My aunt was my sister Sister,so my mom didnt want to believe me and would yell at me saying i was crazy,and slap me. I would go to School with jeans and Long sleeves because i didn't want anyone to know my true story. the only girl who knew was my bestfriend Elsa. But i had to make her swear she wouldn't. i would be affraid to go home, i was affriad if i do something wrong my punsishment Came. We moved to txas and there things didn't change. So i thought the only way to Heal from pain was to do drugs. And i found out tht never helped. My mom hit me alot more, yelled at me more,threw things at me, slam my headon the ground. burned me. So i finally had the courage to tell an adualt what was going on,and my weird behaviors. so they put me in child home and had my father pick me up. And To this day, i live with my dad and dont have the guts to see my mom.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Gary U

by Gary U
(California, USA)

The Two Idiots: 
I grew up in the sixties and seventies. I came from a family of four boys. I was the third of four. My mother and father married because my dad got my mom pregnant. He had no problem in letting us know that from the time we were ten or so. Neither of them wanted kids nor each other.

My mom suffered from mental illness although at the time nobody called it that. She simply acted strangely often. Before school she would hotbox cigarettes and drink cup after cup of coffee. She was either depressed or angry at her kids as they marched off to school.

One night she was rather upset. She told us, "Tonight I am coming upstairs and cutting your tongues out." My second oldest brother was terrified. I took it in stride. To me it was normal. What was not normal was the time she got angry and put my face inches from a burner which was on High. She told me she would burn my f***ing tongue off. I got so close to the burner that my hair burned. I could feel the radiation from the coil. I could actually smell my own hair. I didn't speak for hours after that. I couldn't talk. I guess I was in shock.

She had no compunction about verbally debasing us. She called me "Rosemary's Baby", "piece of s***", and told me she should have had an abortion. Oh yes, and that I, a ten year old, was somehow destroying the family. My brother used to lift weights in the garage. He told me that one day she walked in and told him that lifting weights would never help him. She told him that nothing would ever help him. She also insinuated he wasn't a real man based on some bizarre reason or another.

She seemed to relish beating her kids, especially me. I was somehow the scapegoat for the tragedy called our family. I remember one weekend she really lost it. She had me cornered in the walk-in closet. She was kicking me, strapping me, spitting on me and calling me disgusting names. For some reason she would not let up. I believe she was showing off for my dad who complained to her that we were out of line. She simply would not let up. I had to finally escape past her and beg my dad to tell her to stop beating me. Reluctantly, he called her off.

My parents fought every night, sometimes multiple times. They would throw four-letter words around like they were nothing. Eventually they decided to split up. My dad was going to sell the house. When he brought the realtor over my mom confronted them in the backyard with a knife and told them she would kill them both.

My dad didn't like my mom for obvious reasons. He didn't care for his kids either though. We were not allowed to eat dinner with him. We had to eat before he came home because he said we were "pigs". I don't think I ate at the same table until I was a teenager. He detested company over and nobody was allowed to have company. If the phone even rang he would get upset. He was extremely anti-social. He was extremely racist also and anti-Christian. He also disliked overweight people, especially women. One of his favorite sayings was, "90% of humanity sucks." He could find a number of ways to hate somebody and he did. He fought with almost every neighbor we had. It was almost a given he would make an enemy of a next door neighbor. He repeated this behavior over and over again.

We had a dog named Andre, a poodle. That dog was so nervous around my dad that he would pee in the house. My father would scream at the dog. He tried to rub my dog's face in his piss one night and the dog laid him open. I remember how happy I was that my dog did that. He declared the dog unable to live with humans and that he would have it put down. My grandma took him. The first night the dog peed on the carpet at my grandma's house. After that, it never peed in the house again. Once it knew it was away from that ogre called a father, it felt a complete relief.

My mom shot herself in 1984 but lived. She had gone completely psychotic that summer and apparently heard voices from my grandma to shoot herself. She was never the same until her death in 2007. The last time I saw her she was actually nice. I try to remember that.

I visited my dad six months ago. He saw me eating from a can of his peanuts and promptly hid them from me after I left the room. He offered me no food after the first two days and when I suggested I bring in food he said no. He didn't want me in his kitchen. He had all of his shades pulled down and basically could not wait for me to leave. It was a very hurtful experience.

I have wanted to kill that man many times. For some reason my anger over my mom has subsided. I have come to see that she was mentally ill. But the father I view as simply cruel.

He takes no blame for his actions. If anything, he is the victim according to what he told my brother. As I write this he could care less if I see him or not. He has an equally strange girlfriend who keeps him company and that is all he needs. How could somebody so miss the point of life? That is to love your own family, especially your kids. My parents did.




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Child Abuse Story From Lee1

by Lee
(USA)

Where to start? I have tried to repress this experience my entire life. I am now in my 50's ,retired, and should be enjoying myself. However I feel like I've spent my life being an actor. Trying to portray the perfect man. In my heart I feel like one big lie. I never thought the events that happened when i was 8 or 9 could have possibly affected my entire life. Going to my grandparents farm every weekend we were able to see and play with all of our cousins, I had always looked forward to these weekends. Being a small and sickly child my mom was very protective and didn't allow me to play with the older boys outside in the barns. I was sort of looked at as a mommas boy and a whimp. My only other playmate was an older cousin ,who was about 15. He too was the youngest of his family and in retrospect was probably abused by his brothers both verbally and physically. He and I did alot of things together. One visit he told me to follow him and he took me into his mother's clothes closet. He told me of a club he and some boys had started, and to be a member we had to undress. I had no experience about such things and absolutely no knowledge of anything sexual. Wanting to be included in this group I did as was told. He also undressed. It was quite a shock seeing a boys privates who had reached puberty. It was larger with so much hair. I, on the other hand was simply a small young boy. He proceeded to fondle and play with my genitals for quite some time. He had me handle his parts as well. When ready to leave he told me to say nothing or he would tell my parents that I had made advances on him. I was deathly afraid of my dads temper and became scared of their possible reaction. This became a regular routine between him and I for the next few visits. My guilt and shame come from the sense that on some level his touch felt good to me. I have since this time have this sense of gender confusion. I have always felt guilt that no matter what good things in life I've accomplished that I'm not a good person because I have this inner shame.




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Child Abuse Story From Katelyn H

by Katelyn H
(USA)

OK well idk how 2 start this so I'll jyst write what I kno. My dad has been like the nicest person u could ever meet! Everyone at our church loves him and he like always gives out a lot of money at charitee evevts an stuff. Anyway recently mi daddy has been acting really wired!! I even heard owr made telling someone he thinks crazy but it's nit that bad our made is just weird. So for example me n my dad were watching the watchmen on hbo and I fell asleep. I was wearing a nightie and some ugg boots. I woke up twice. The first time my dad was takin off my boots and I thougt he was just trying to make me comfy... Untill I swore I saw him smelling them!!!!!!!! I was like whatever and went bak to sleep. The 2nd time I woke up my dad had his hand up my gown and he was running my butt. I think. Well he said he was looking for the remote and wanted to change the chanel. I believed him because the movie was over. His face was really red and he looked scared. The next day he for a showfur to take us shopping (which he doesn't do really ofen unless I'm wit my friends and him and mom dont want to drive.) and it gets worst.

Another time I was a sleep and he rubbing my crotch and when I was wakin up he jerked his hand bak. I felt him the whole time but I didn't say stop cus I was confused. Now this is the worse part. When my dad has Ben tucking me in recently he has been doing other bad stuff. He has Ben coming in and tounge kissing me!! Then he starts rubing my chest. Then he rubs my crotch and put his finger in my vagina!!!!! The first time he did it i liked it and my panties got wet. It is my fault he came back agn because he said. he wanted to make me feel good again. But I dnt like anymore and the next time he cane bak I wet the bed and got pee on his hand. He called me a slut and smacked me and left. He keeps coming in. Idk y I dnt tell him to stop. I feel soooo stupid!! After he touches me he buys me A LOT of stuff! Anyway I'm really scared of him now. He hasn't hit me but he keeps hurting me. And he dose it all the tomi now. And my mom dosent kno ANYTHING about this cus she us in a trip with her friends. and I dnt tell her on the done cus he said he'd beat me up if I did. I'm just tired of this bulls**t!!! But idk what to do. I dnt want my dad to go to jail cus he is a good daddy. He just needs help.

I just turned 12 btw! And srry I wrote so much I ddnt think I would but I cnt stop.

And srry for the bad grammar cus im typing this frm my iPhone. And my dad just left my room like an hour ago so that is y I wrote this.




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Child Abuse Story From Aubby

by Aubby
(Pennsylvania, USA)

Some say it's abuse: 
I am struggling to believe and have hope. i live in a house with my mom, her boyfriend, and my 2 sibblings. My moms boy friend is... he's different. i am always being screamed at from him, also he threatens to beat me with a metal chair and a shoe. he hits hard too once he threw a small pice of candy corn at me. but you wouldnt think it would hurt but i had a bruse for a week. And at least 2 times a week i am threatend, he says "if you were my kid i would have beet the s**t out of you a long time ago" or "Some times i just want to beat the crap out of you" he also says "When you get old enough i will beat the crap out of you". im terrafied to go home after school. but i am fighting a battle a battle to live and a battle just to keep my hope. but i am losing, i am dipressed constantly. but i am trying and all of you who read this if you are abused in any way get help. my bff told me to tell the school counselor but i cant. that happened 2 days ago. i made her swear she wouldnt tell any one, not the counselor, not her mom, not a teacher, no one. But yet i still dont know is it abuse or am i just a baby.




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Child Abuse Story From Lisa5

by Lisa
(Ontario, Canada)

I am 28 years old and I have borderline personality disorder. I remember as a child being depressed and crying at recess, while trying to hide my sadness from everyone. I remember quite clearly a teacher coming over to me during that recess and her saying to me "Such big tears" in that condescending way that adults speak to children. I remember feeling SO angry and thinking sarcastically "I'm so sorry I can't control the size of my tears."

I used to hide under my bed and cry while repeating an extremely destructive mantra. "Nobody loves me everybody hates me." My only solace was thinking my mother still loved me. Now please know that my parents never abused me. They are wonderful people who both have gone through childhood abuse during their lives as well, which I found out much later in my life from my mom.

I also remember playing in the backyard with my best friend when I was 8 and she was 9 and doing sexual things with her that I feel I perpetrated. I've felt alot of guilt and shame for that in my life. I think it was the main factor that distanced us so that now we are no longer friends.

It's only within the last few days that I've allowed myself to realize the truth. I've been having intimacy issues with my fiancé when we have sex. I just shut down emotionally. My body gets aroused but my mind...a month or two ago while we were making love and I was being touched I felt violated, like my body remembered the abuse where my mind does not. My fiancé has also been abused and raped as well and is understanding.

The last couple of days I'd been feeling alot of anxiety. My heart would beat out of my chest. I would be hot and then cold. The knot in my stomach would tighten. That went on for a few days until I was lying in bed and my mind was running. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, what was causing my anxiety? I've gone through alot of depression and low self esteem issues in my life so anxiety is not completely unexpected but I always want to know where the feelings are coming from. Eventually my mind stopped on the thought. "I think I've been molested." As soon as I admitted to myself in my mind "I've been molested" my anxiety bled out of me.

I felt relieved, sad and confused. I have a feeling the man that did this to me was a distant family member. For the life of me I can't remember his first name. I have a vague memory of him being at my grandparents and him asking me to sit on his lap. I had what I like to call the "no" feeling and I avoided him.

I find it kind of strange that he just disappeared from the family scene not too long after that. He stopped showing up to family functions and no one ever talked about him. It was like he disappeared. I wonder if the family found out something about him and he was quietly excommunicated.

I've always had problems expressing my anger and seem to turn it inwards on myself and it manifests as depression and anxiety. I still to this day don't feel worthy of love sometimes. For a long time I let so called "friends" use me and emotionally abuse me but I cut those kinds of people from my life a few years ago.

I think this is cropping up now because this is the first relationship I've been in where I know for a fact that I am truly loved. Also we've been talking about marriage and having kids together. I don't want to feel the emotional disconnect from my partner that I have been feeling lately.

I have trust and control issues and so does my partner. I think we both need counseling. My partner has had it much worse than me and my realization has prompted her to confront her parents about things that happened to her that she has pieces of memories about. Her father traveled alot and her mom is denying it completely. But what 5 yr old comes home with bloody underwear? What 5 yr old is taken to the doctor and tested for STI's? She feels betrayed by her mother and she is questioning her sanity. I told her not to question it. It happened to her and she knows it deep down just as I do. I have an appointment to see my doctor and get a referral to see a counselor or psychiatrist because I want to be healthy and have healthy relationships. I want marriage and babies. I'm going to encourage her to get counseling as well. I hope she does because I don't think she realizes how deeply her abuse/rape has affected her.

For me I have no concrete memories of what was done to me. Now the only question I have is how do I deal with something I can't remember?




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Concrete Angel

by Concrete Angel
( Location Undisclosed)

My story starts when I was 7. My mom would beat my sister and I to the point where my sister had to go to the hospital and I had bruises for weeks. My mom and sister were never there to take care of us, so I took over the job of taking care of my brother and I. I knew how to do laundry, make dinner, made sure my brother did his homework and got to school, everything my mom was suppose to do and more. She would beat me non stop, and when she decided to take out her anger on my brother, I would not let her. I did everything to protect my brother from sweet talking and apologizing to wrapping myself around my brother and offering myself instead. I loved my brother and I wanted to make sure that nothing happened to him. I wanted him to grow up into a strong young man and know that he didn't have to go through anything I had to go through.

On my 8th birthday, my sister brought home a friend. I'll call him C. To my sister, he was just a friend, but to me, I saw him as a shield. He protected my brother and me from my mom when he was around. He was a friend, a father, and a hero all at once. I looked up to him.

A week after my 8th birthday, C decided to baby sit. It was the middle of the day and I had just put my brother down for a nap. I was watching TV in my mom's room because Collin was in the living room. He decided to come in and lay next to me. I smiled. He wrapped his arm around me. I cuddled. He then made his move and placed his hand down my pants. That's when my facial expression turned confused. I had no idea what he was doing. I told him to stop, but he didn't. He just continued. He soon had me on my back. By this time my shorts and underwear were off. I begged him to stop because I didn't know what he was going to do. He just told me, "You're fine. Your mom said it's okay" and then forced himself into me. I remember the pain. It hurt so bad, like someone splitting me in two. I cried, screamed, begged, but he just wouldn't stop. He just covered my mouth and continued. I tried to make him stop, but he'd just slap me. The thing I remember the most is the look in his eyes when I begged him to stop. I'll never forget that. I knew that I had no chance of making him stop, so after a while, I just stopped and let him take advantage of me. By the time he was done, I couldn't move because of how tired and sore I was. When he cleaned up, he told me, "You did good. You don't have to tell your mom. She knows. She's proud" and just smiled. The thing is, I believed him. I told no one. He continued to rape me every week after that, sometimes even multiple times a week. Each time it hurt even worse than before. Yet, I told no one. This went on for months, until one day, my mom told me he moved far away. I was so happy and relieved. I knew it was over. All the pain he made me go through. It was over. But the pain from my mother still continued until I was eleven and I moved in with my dad. The same thing happened to me when I was 14 and walking through a park, but the guy never actually succeeded, thanks to a guy who was able to stop him. I am so very thankful that someone was there to help.

I've gone through so much in my life. I blamed everything on me because it was the people that I really trusted that told me that everything was my fault. I'm 15 now and I still do blame myself in a lot of cases because I feel that I could have done something to stop it. I go through everyday wishing nothing ever happened and wonder how my life would be different if it didn't. I'm afraid that everything will happen all over again. I have trouble trusting people, especially guys. But the thing is, I'm blessed with a few really great friends that help me get through everyday. They stand by my side and want to help, no matter how stubborn I can be. They've done so much for me, and I didn't even ask for it. They've helped me open up and fight my past. I am just so very grateful that I have them.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jane Doe

by Jane Doe
(Location Undisclosed)

My mother was recently unhappy with me because I do not care about her journey of personal self-discovery and recovery from her implied psychiatric condition(s).

I am angry, and no I do not care to hide it. She refuses to acknowledge the abuse I suffered before I escaped from her.

I went to boarding school and then college. In between I lived with other friends and family.

She might be in the process of figuring out the right medication and she might be "happy now," but 8 years later I still am dealing with the repercussions from her "motherly love."

I still have knocked back teeth when I look in the mirror.

I still am afraid of driving with people who aren't in a great mood.

I still freak out if people hug me without proper warning and reaction time.

I still struggle to maintain a minimally healthy weight.

I still find reminders of the physical and emotional abuse, even living 100s of miles away in a new city.

Further, the more I grow and heal, the more I realize what a danger I was in before. I recognize signs of sociopathic tendencies in my tween self. Now that I connect more with people, and can react emotionally to books and events, I realize what my life was missing before, what I was, and what I now know I will never be.

I care about members of my family, I care about my friends, and I even care about strangers. I stick up for people who are shy, and help take care of neglected animals. I feel such happiness in moments when I can make someone's - or something's - day a little brighter, because life is too short to live it alone in the darkness.

BUT I am not interested in this. I am not going to let her use me to validate her feelings of implied guilt, just like I won't let her use my neck as a stress ball.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Serena

by Serena
(Location Undisclosed)

Technically im not abused. i dont know what i am, i just feel confused all the time, about everything. i dont know if im overexaggerating or if what im feeling is ok. it started in 7th grade, also im the type of person that absorbs what others are feeling. i was on a visit to my hometown, among my uncles i was always the favorite, i was the child they never had, but now they had there own and i felt like i didnt belong anymore, like i was being rejected. that was the start, going on into highschool was difficult, i felt stressed me and my mom always got into arguments, she didnt understand why i kept getting c's and failing test, i went into depression cause i didnt know, sometimes she said i had no ambition and if i want to live a worthless life. 10th was easier cuz i knew stuff wasnt right, i was pushed farther nd farther away from my mom, i was afraid to date cuz i was always tld i was to young, i felt like i needed approval, i never showed my true self cuz i didnt think anyone could like the actual me. in class i knew what they talked about but didnt have the energy to solve the prblm, everything was a daze, nothing mattered not tv not computer, i forced myself to smile, sometimes i fantasized about suicide, death, everything inside changed, on the outside to my mom i just became stubborn and worthless, she could show my grades off or brag about my accomplishments, just a 2nd child to ruin their life, another child that took her youth away. idk how im feeling i feel guilty cuz shes a nice mom but shes stressed, two kids and a grandma on her back, 3 worthless idiots pulling her down, so idk if i should even be mad. i remember me and her and a cousin in my cousins office, i stood up to stretch and my cousin tld me if i knew how beautiful i was, she went on describing, i smiled and said thank u, it wasnt the first of compliments, even though its not like i got a lot, but i didnt believe, i couldnt believe. i didnt do anything to be beautiful, i cant even look in the mirror, sometimes my own shadow disgusts me, i cried a lot my sophmore year. my hr yr i knew who i was kinda, but the thing that hurt was i was so inexperienced, i was always said so i spent a lot of time fantasizing about a fake world where had a bf, someone who loved me, and cared. my bf had lots of boyfriends. she was light skiknned nice hair had betterclothes and her familiy was classier than mines, i never we knew each other a long time and always i found ppl liking her more because of those things. jr year, i became difficult i wud curse back at my mom, my brothers foolish choices, and my grandmas cataracts coupled with her self centerd ways were too much i guess. i still got bad grades i skipped a lot of classes and 1 day my mom found out, i forgot a lot in between, but one night my brother set her off, she ranted in these words" you worthless mother####s you stupid b****es i should have gotten an abortion for you dumb mfs your worth nothing you low ambition sons of b****es, u have everything i should have left u in the islands made u dumb mfs starve to death, wasting ur life youll never be anything, i should have killed you and live my good life" keep in mind this is not the first time shes said this this is usually wat she says wen shes mad, or wen she feels low, shes always concerned with how ppl see her, trouble is she should watch how she sees herself. theres much more than that, my cousin sometimes touchs me, i dnt like it but i dnt want people to think im a freak or get him in trouble, hes really a gud guys, just obsessed with women, idk sometimes. dont leave a 1800 numbered, i wont call, i want to help myself, i know i have low self esteem, and high self hatred i just want to know how to stop it, its said wen i cant look at myself and not cry, school is difficult cuz it feels like im always alone, i cut mysel 3 times cuz i like the feeling of pain, my fav color is now black cuz it seems to be the only one that comforts me...idk plz if im foolish let me know...thank u




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Child Abuse Story From Ryan

by Ryan
(USA )

I'm not sure if what happend to me was child abuse or not, but I'm going to post this anyway. Im 15 now, almost 16, but It all started when I was about 5 or 6 years old and my parents just seperated. Me my mom, my older sister and my older brother had very little money and no place to stay at all. So my mom decided to move up north with her parents (who I recently found out abused her) for a while. My mom was out getting drunk during the day and my sister was at school. My grandmother ran a daycare in her house, but her kids were much younger then us so she didn't really pat attention to me and my brother much.

At first it started out as playful punches. Every time I beat him at a game we were playing he would ht me in the arm. But as time went on. The puches became more aggresive and forreason that had nothing to to with me. Before long Iwas afriad to be I'm a room alone with him. After getting caught once or twice from brusies he left, he started getting smarter and would only hit me with an open hand. Or push me down a gravley hill and make me say it was an acsaident. We only ended up staying at my grandmothers for a few monthes because my grandmother and my mom have bad history. We move into a new house later that year (2000) but the abuse countined. I recently found out that the reason he hit me was because he blamed me for my parents spliting up.

When I was twelve and me and my brother were visiting my dad down south, their was a really bad night. By the end of the beating I went and tried to kill myself. Now it's three years later and I've tried suicide two more times. I suffer from major depression, PTSD and a bunch of other stuff. I cut my self all the time to try and escape the pain and flashbacks. The abuse has stopped but the Pain will last with me forever....




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Andrea1

by Andrea
(Ontario, Canada)

It's about me! 
April 4, 2010 marked the 13th anniversary of my father's death. You see, he died 13 years ago by ending his own life. He chose to end his life on April 4th, 1997 because...well I don't really know why, only he does, but it was in the middle of the trial that came about by his own children charging him with sexual abuse.

For 13 years I didn't know how to deal with what I was feeling so I decided to be stoic and brave and not feel at all. Maybe allowing myself to feel the loss for a brief second and then I tucked it nicely away where it belonged. I realized that I always made it about him and therefore I constantly had these conflicting feelings of how could I be feeling sad, how could I cry over his death, how could I feel such incredible loss and grief. After all, he sexually abused me for the better part of my life. Wasn't I supposed to feel relieved? He was gone, dead, alleluia; anther "criminal, pervert" was off the streets. But it's not that easy. But this is what I was silenced with for 13 years. I wasn't supposed to feel the deep, deep, profound loss and grief, especially after everything that he did, that's just not normal. Nobody understood, yet they felt they had the right to judge and place me in this prison. Nobody understands that despite what my father did, a child lost her father. After all, doesn't every child want to have both a mother and a father? I know I sure did.

So, for 13 years I carried around these conflicting feelings until this morning - Easter Sunday. Thanks to my guides and my angels who have always been there to guide me and show me the way, I finally realized that it is no longer about my father; it never was, it was and is about me. After 13 years I am finally ready to respect and honour that part of MYSELF and finally allow MYSELF to feel the grief and mourn MY losses. To break free from this prison that has held me captive for way too long. Kind of symbolic, don't you think, it being Easter Sunday, the day of resurrection. Symbolically, a resurrection happened for me and it feels great.

On April 13th, 1997 a child, albeit an adult child of 29, suffered a tremendous loss. I lost my father, KHS, in a most horrible way – suicide, and I never got to say good-bye.




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Child Abuse Story From Bex

by Bex
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was about eight, I was sexually abused/molested by a girl my own age. Really, I'm not even sure if it was abuse, but it has scared me. She would say that we were just playing house. She would make me get under the covers on her bed. I didn't even know what sex was so I didn't know that what we were doing was wrong. In the games, we would always be a couple and she would always volunteer to be the guy. Sometimes we were orphans that would never see each other again. Then she said we had to "make-out". First, we would just press our mouths against each other and move them around. Then she said they needed to be more realistic. We would open our mouths a little and just move them around or we would actually kiss. Then her hands would move all over me and my private areas. I didn't like it at first, but we played this game every time I was at her house. I started to get used to it. She would press her entire self against me and I would do the same. Somehow, we never got caught. She was an only child and her parents always left us alone. One time I remember very clearly, we were at my house and playing make-believe. She said we were a couple with friends. Once again, she said she wanted to be the guy. Then we played Spin the Bottle with our "friends". She said it landed on us and I started feeling uncomfortable. I asked if we actually had to kiss and she said no, but that we needed to pretend and go into my closet. I went. She then put her hands on my butt and said "You have such a great butt!" She was still pretending to be the boyfriend. She then moved her hands to my chest which had begun developing a year or two ago. She said "And your boobs are awesome!!!!" while squeezing and massaging them. I just sorta laughed uncomfortably and she preceded to kiss me. I can't believe that I remember it so clearly. This went on for a couple years. Every time I was at her house, we would get under the covers on her bed. She would kiss me and touch me all over. I would do the same to her. I eventually told my mom about it. Not all, but some. She said if it ever happened again to firmly tell the girl to stop. I went over her house maybe a month or two later. We were orphans again and being sent somewhere. Her closet had a thing jutting out that was big enough to lay on. She layed on it and I had to lay on the floor. She then leaned over and ran her hands all over my private areas and pressed on them. I told her stop stop and just got up and got out of the closet. She was upset but let it go. We didn't play together very much after that. I don't remember it ever happening again. But it had a large impact on me. Being introduced to those feelings at a young age, I've become a very sexual person. I'm fifteen and think about sex more than any other girl I know. I get turned on really easily because it happened so much when I was little. I'm worried that it will have an effect on my future relationships.




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Child Abuse Story From Protho

by Protho
(Indiana, USA)

I was molested by my mothers boyfriend when i was 11-13. I knew my mothers boyfriend since i was five and i thought of him as dad. It started with little things. He would sleep in my bed and tell me he loved me very often. We would always sneak to movies and leave my annoying big brother at home. Everything was great until he started touching me. The earliest memory i have is of him rubbing lotion on my then none existence breast and telling me "you know what i'm doing isn't wrong, don't you?" So after he said that the rubdowns became part of my daily routine. It made me feel uncomfortable but i thought nothing wrong was being done. Then he upped the ante and started to press against me while laying in my bed or when bending over to get some fruit out of the fridge. But there are two things that just makes me sick everytime i see him. The first is when he came into my room in the middle of the night "like always" and pressed up against my behind (i was sleeping on my side) repeatedly. I thought he just couldn't get comfortable. But when he got up to leave i rolled over and felt something wet in my bed. I was young but not stupid...i knew what the hell it was! So i went to sleep with my big brother for the night. Then one day i was laying in my parents room, which was in the basement, and was watching my favorite show Hannah Montana. He came downstairs so i pretended like i was sleeping so he wouldn't bother me but that just made things worst. He grabbed my hand and put it on his chest (he has chest problems so i thought he just wanted me to rub it for him like i always did) but then moved it lower. He had his hand on mine and was making me rub "it" I couldn't believe what the heck he was doing. He was telling me "it's okay" and "don't be scared." Then he sat up in bed and grabbed what i call my No No Zone and told me that "one day he would teach me how to use it" I layed there and pretended like i was still asleep but i'm sure he knew i wasn't. The next morning i told my big brother and he laughed and told me it was my fault. I felt horrible. I didn't want to tell my mom because she loves him. Now i am 16. I confronted him about what he had done sometime this year. I never told him what he did but he just kept saying he didn't remember which i know is a lie. Now that schools out, my brothers in california, and my mom works all the time i have nothing to keep me busy. If i'm occupied i can't think about it but i think about it all the time now. I have nightmares almost every night. Since the nightmares returned i stopped talking to him unless my mom asks me to tell him something. It's been about two weeks since i spoke to him and i could really care less if i never hear his voice again.




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Child Abuse Story From Anna4

by Anna
(USA)

What Did I Do For This? 
I dont know how to start. I lived with my mom and stepdad since i was little right now i am 14 it started when i was 10 and stopped when i was 14 i trusted my stepdad but that changed i was in my bedroom one night my mom wasent home he came in and sat on my bed and started to talk to me about sex i didnt want to and didnt feel right talking about it with him so i got up but he took my arm and took me to him and put his toung in my mouth i screamed and slaped him but he tied me to the bed and turned off the light and and did things to me i tryed not to remeber he stopped in about a hour i was hurting bad but i felt sick and nasty i started to cry i hated myself for it i hated him for making me feel so bad i didnt tell my mom it happend almost every night it stopped when i told the school counsler what was happing they told my mom and my mom sat me down and talked to me about it and asked me if that really happend i started to cry and said yes my mom never talked to my stepdad again i will never be myself again it will never leave my mind but i hope no other kids would go threw what i went threw i have a good life right know i have my friends and family to help me throught my 4 years of hurt i know im not alone in this world but all i can do is live my life the way i want to and keep moving forward.




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Child Abuse Story From Wendy P

by Wendy
(Mississippi, USA)

I'm 18 now and i still think about the dreams i have about being abused and then they make go back to it. i was 3 years old and my dad had a girlfriend i have always been real close to my dad and it was kinda hard when this happened. like i was saying i was 3 years old and my dads girlfriend was very jealous of me and when my dad was gone which was alot of the time and that was when she would do it. she kicked me down the steps and locked me in a closet to this day i still have this reacurring dream that im locked back in that same closet and im screaming for my dad but he never comes. when i told my dad about the abuse he just said i was lying and didnt believe me he didnt believe me until her son and daughter she had from a previous relationship told him that she had done the same to them. i do thank her for making me a stronger person but i will never forget what she done to me and she will get whats coming to her in the end...life has a funny way of doing that to you.




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Child Abuse Story From Sandy G

by Sandy G
(Ohio, USA)

I've decided to finally write about the abuse I suffered as a child for many reasons. One being that I need support! The fact that I was abused isn't news to me... but my figuring out the severity of it and its impact is actually quite new - after 15 years of psychotherapy.

My parents grew up in the 40s & 50s (to set the theme here). So basically, to quote my mom, my dad is/was a "good provider"... which I believe was the only reason she stayed with him. I am the youngest of three children. My sister was 14 years older than me, however, she passed away 6 years ago from an "accidental" overdose. She was extremely depressed her entire life. My brother is 5 years older than me and was raised as a king. By the way, he still lives with my parents at 41 years old.

When I was a child, my brother (who was much, much bigger than me), physically, emotionally & verbally abused me. Why? Because NO ONE EVER TOLD HIM IT WAS WRONG! He would spit on me as I watched television. He would steal my things, as if they were his own, and proceed to destroy whatever it was. He would grab me by my neck and threaten me. At one point, he hit me in the head so hard I fell off the chair, landing face-down on the ground. No one heard my blood-curdling screams. I had so much rage inside of me, but there was no one to hold me and justify my anger. After the abuse sessions were over, it was pretty typical for him to say he was sorry, but it was all my fault. He would say that he couldn't stand my mouth. This lasted for a good 22 years, give or take.

I know that my mom attempted to help me, but my dad would NEVER turn his back on his son - NEVER! After a while, my mom just gave up and would say "there's nothing I can do about it". I try to feel sorry for her, as she was very much abused emotionally, but I realize - as I am now a mother of 3 - there isn't ANYTHING I wouldn't do for my children - INCLUDING leaving my husband (if he happened to be abusive - which he is not, thank god!). My dad would also threaten me as well. I was so little and helpless and he would threaten to slap the ---- out of me. I remember peeing my pants while he screamed at me. Seriously... who does that to their children?

Well, after 15 years of working with a WONDERFUL psychologist, I finally have found the root of my ongoing depression, anxiety & rage. I was brainwashed to believe that my upbringing was normal!!!! AND I BOUGHT IT! I've tried for so long now to act like I was ok when HE would do a "pop in" at my house or call me on the phone. I WANTED TO PUKE EVERY SINGLE TIME! I also dread my parents coming over to my house to visit my children. I have no relationship with them other than those visits during the week.

I finally got up the nerve to write THE letter. Because I have not had a voice in that family, I decide to send all 3 of them a letter, as opposed to trying to speak my peace in person. The letter was actually quite matter of fact. I needed to keep it pretty surface level because my brother is narcissistic and could snap... so for my safety, I got right to the point - stating that I was abused (or reminding them that I was abused), telling my parents that they failed to protect me and letting my brother know that he was to no longer have any sort of contact with me.
So far, my brother has left 2 messages calling me a liar, that I'm crazy, I need to call mom & dad and apologize for such accusations. He said that he understands I'm 'upset' because our parents have given him so much, but that's no reason to 'make up' such crazy lies. This wasn't a surprise. Why would HE EVER think it was abuse... when no one ever told him that it was? He truly believes we had a beautiful childhood, with nurturing parents. I can't even explain what that does to me inside - but if you're even on this website, I think it's safe to assume that you know EXACTLY how that feels.

I also want to add, it's been 2 days and my parents have made no contact with me. They never called to find out if I was ok, to discuss my 'accusations'. Nothing. Again, not surprising...this is the cycle. My dad cannot stomach the thought of his son doing such horrible things - in the meantime, he is reconfirming to me the message he's been sending me for 37 years. But how could a mother & father do that? It breaks my heart to even think about one of my children living with so much pain & agony.

So, at this point, I need periodic pep-talks just to keep me on the right path. I am very spiritual and firmly believe that the universe is very much behind me on this one - but my mind will sometimes go back to the dysfunctional dynamic and attempt to make me believe that I am indeed the crazy one here; that the abuse wasn't really abuse at all... just typical sibling rivalry. I know that's absurd, but it's a struggle at every turn to break that ingrained cycle.

Is there anyone out there (and of course there is... I just need to hear it from someone) that has completely cut ties with their family? I know in my heart that I need to end all contact - for my safety, my well-being, and for the sake of having a healthy relationship with my children & husband. I can't live the lie any longer. I HATE anyone who even THINKS that I am a part of that 'family'. I've been emotionally out of there since I was about 3 years old. It is only now that I demand my voice to be heard. I feel very unsettled inside, but I'd be more unsettled if I was not finally calling the shots and breaking this sick cycle. Someone tell me I'm not crazy!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Withheld2

by Name Withheld
(Location Undisclosed)

Ok I know this is said a lot here, but i dont know whether or not what I went through was abuse.

I'm 25 years old and ever since I can remember, up to the age of 21, I was hit by my mother. The hitting was never severe enough to send me to hospital, but I was regularly beaten. This involved things like being repeatedly punched and slapped all over my body, having my hair pulled and when I was younger, my mum used to restrain me in uncomfortable positions, for example, having my arms twisted and forced behind me. I also remember being shaken as a child.

One of the things that haunts my memories the most, more than the physical, is the screaming in my face. It sounded awful and I remember being terrified.

I feel very lonely, and I am terrified about discussing this with anyone. I feel extremely humiliated that I let this happen to me, especially as it extended into my adult life. I have moments when I feel the same emotions as I did then, like a frightened pathetic child. I have flash backs of emotions- the trigger is often an argument with my mother.

As a teenager, my mum sometimes made me feel like a disgusting freak. When I got my first period, she told me that I should feel ashamed and should have hidden the fact that I started my period from her. She used to always say that my friends were sluts and I would become a slut.

I have never been able to form a close relationship with anybody, friends or lovers alike. Im frightened of getting too close to anybody in case they discover what a freak i am, and see me for who I really am.

There is something else I wanted to specifically ask about- I was never sexually abused, but whenever I think back to what has happened to me, and feel extremely upset, as if im about to cry but am unable to, I feel sexually aroused. My emotions are heightened, but also, physically im aroused. Please dont think im strange, i just dont understand why this happens.




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Child Abuse Story From Kathleen H

by Kathleen H
(Australia)

Victims, who cares? 
When i was 11 years old my mothers brother raped me when ever he felt like it for 2 years,my mother charged me with being uncotrolable when i was 13 so i was sent to a girls home,this was the way my mother got me away from her brother,she moved away while i was away.My mother had 7 children so she moved away so my mothers brother would no longer come around and i was later returned home.I was back home for 1 year when i met my now husband and i moved out of home, my mother,my two older sisters and one of my mothers sisters knew exactly what was going on,even the police knew through an examination that their doctor gave me there was more to what was going on,but didn't take it any further.I was told by my mothers brother repeatedly that he would kill me,he also kept saying to my mother,he had been in prison most of his life, and he has done some pretty bad crimes,that police haven't looked at again since their first investigations,like the disappearence of a teenager thirty five years ago,the death of his defacto wife who was killed the night before she was going to the police to report what he was doing to his own children. I went for years and years no one talked about our childhood i thought i had it under control,i talked about it twice 1 time to my husband who i know didn't understand, and 1 time to a friend only as a short conversation and that was it. Before long i was getting more and more depressed i didn't really trust my husband but he was gentle,kind and loving and my days got to the point where i was out of control,i was refered to a rape councilor,i eventually went to the police and now i am a lot better, they weren't really interested until i said there was a number of us who he did it to,they still done nothing unless your a prominent person who cares who knows if he is still doing it some poor child.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Steph1

by Stephanie
(Australia)

My step dad bashing me up: 
I'm 14, and still growing up.i live with my mum and step dad.I dont like it much tho.when i was younger my step dad had hit me, punched me, lifted me up by my hair causing it to fall out, just because i may have spoken or got in his way.He is very violent and smashes things when he has had a bad day or something.About a month ago, mothers day to be exact; i was on the couch listening to my ipod, my brother and step sister and step dad were being chilish little kids doing stupid thing.My brother came up to me and i told him to go away as i didnt want to be involved in their stupid game.he wouldnt stop annoying me grabbing my wrist (which was badly cut ) so i kicked him, and he then fell on my step dad who was lying on the floor and he then hit the coffee table. (he had a bruised bum after a motorbike accident and by bumping the coffee table he claims it hurt him. so he got up and punched me in my stomach so hard i got winded.I ran into my room were my cupboard door was open, he came in and tried ripping it off.it didnt work so he got me by the neck and strangled me, threw me up against the wall, smashed my head in the wall and threw me on my bed.he then told me i was lucky he didnt throw me out my window as if he did he said he would of just left me there too die. he then tried making me want to hit him saying c'mon hit me you weak little slut but i didnt i calmed myself.he then punched me again in myleg which left a bruise(its faded now).we then got in the car off to my cousins house and i got out of the car crying.! my cousins along with 2 friends i knew were there and were all shocked and didnt know what was wrong with me.My step dad then started yelling f***ing slut go die c'mon lets go dig a hole and bury the slut in.i ran inside along with my cousin.i told her everything and i wanted to go to my dads as it was just up the road from my cousins,we didnt, we stayed in her room on the laptop.later on after we left we went to the supermarket and my step dad said to me your going with your mum.i went and got back in the car and my step sister told me my step dad (her dad ) had said im a little slut, no1 wants me and i should go die.he took my phone and ipod off me, which my dad bought the ipod! that night he wanted an apoligie off me which i was not giving to him.i didnt accept him saying sorry to me either as he shoudl of controlled himself not touching me.!




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Child Abuse Story From Lucy A Grown Woman

by Lucy
(Location Undisclosed)

I wonder if it's child abuse if it wasn't intended as abuse. I was never intentionally abused, or sexually abused. I was a child with undiagnosed severe ADD in a large, strict family. Mother and Daddy were always right. I know they did the best they could with what they had, and that they loved each and every one of us. But, how things were handled left emotional scars on me. As I get older and talk to my older sisters, I realize they have emotional scars too.

My older brother and sisters did very well in school. I received bare-bottomed spankings in front of my siblings (which shamed me)every report card period because I couldn't stay focused in school and my grades showed it. I needed more attention because of the self esteem issues that come from never succeeding in school. Instead my parents were overwhelmed with too many children and not enough money. Instead of attention and reassurance, I was told I was lazy.

I know they didn't know about ADD when I was a child. I remember my mother trying several things to encourage me to do better in school. But I also remember all the spankings and yelling lectures. I craved adult attention, and when another adult gave it to me, my mother told I wasn't as cute as I thought I was. My mother slapped and spanked with a belt frequently. My older sisters were put in charge of the younger kids too much, and were too young for that much responsibility, so they slapped me a lot too.

We were taught to keep each other in line by tattling. I don't know why I never did it, but keeping my siblings transgression secrets didn't stop them from tattling on me. I don't think my mother liked me or understood me. I think deep down I'm a very strong person, and the fact that she couldn't control me made her try that much harder. Also, children with ADD cannot control their impulses, so I think I must have frustrated her with that too. I know she played favorites with my little sister a lot. My other sisters can give examples of it too.

I remember wanting so much to be like the other kids. I felt I was beneath them. We went to a very small private Catholic school, but we were the poor kids in school. We were made fun of because we were painfully shy and wore out of style hand-me-downs. The kids (as kids will be) were brutal. We were the school pariahs. I remember being in high school and wanting to grow my hair out. My mother always insisted we have short, layered hair with a curly perm. By that time I was allowed to go to the hair dresser by myself. I kept telling her to cut the bottom, but not the layers. After a few haircuts, my mother realized what I was doing and accompanied me to the salon, making sure my hair was cut as she designated. At age 46, I still have nightmares about her cutting my hair in my sleep.

When I was 19, I was supposed to have a date with my boyfriend who was in town for the week from college. Just hours before the date, my mother told me I had to cancel because it was a school night. I was embarrassed and furious and decided I needed to end my life. Thankfully I was really stupid about it and bought sinus pills. I did take all of them, and then drove around for 10 hours, waiting for them to take effect. Finally I went home for lack of any other ideas of what to do. The next morning my brothers and sisters would not talk to me. I went to my college classes and then when I went home for lunch, my mother began her lecture. She started with, "I want you to know I wasn't worried in the least." I knew better, but kept it to myself. Then she proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with me and how ungrateful I was and then grounded me for a month and told me I had to go to church every day to make up for being such a bad person. She never asked me what was wrong.

When I was 21, I stopped the bullying. My sister had been sneaky and deceptive in order to have time with her boyfriend when they dated. After they were married, my Mother found out about a lot of it. About a year later, I had moved out of my parents house and was engaged and visiting my mother to try to make wedding plans. That day, she brought up all the stuff my sister had done, and tried to take her anger about it out on me. I had decided I didn't live there anymore and didn't have to take my mother's bullying anymore. I told her I was leaving. She grabbed my arm and yanked me back into my chair. I got up again and she slapped me across the face. All my anger bubbled to the surface and I slapped her back so hard we looked for her glasses for 30 minutes (they had flown across the room). I told her she had no right to hit me any more.

When I was in my 30s and in counseling, my therapist told me I needed to talk to my mother about the suicide attempt. I tried. I told her my side of what had happened that day. I asked her why she didn't ask me what was wrong or if I needed help. She didn't respond that day, but sent me a letter in the mail a week later. Basically she said parents have to be right all the time, or children have no respect for their discipline. She also said it was my fault that she didn't help me because I didn't tell her. I still feel there were enough signs that a normal parent would have seen that something was wrong. At that time I decided I was more mature than my mother and she would never grow up beyond where she was.

I don't know if any of that was really abuse, but it felt like it to me. I still take medicine for chronic depression and ADD. I have tried really hard not to repeat my parents' ways of raising children. I am a hard working adult with a steady job and good kids, but I don't think anything I do will be good enough for my mother.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Arizona

by Arizona
(Oklahoma, USA)

Im fourteen and have been a part of sexual and emotional abuse for alot of my life. When i was four my brother would moleste me. I didnt find anything wrong with it. I thought it happend to everyone. My parents divorced and my mother kept me from my dad for a while. Ive always had a great relationship with my mom. But my dad and i never got along. I hated him because he knew what went on but still stood up for my brother.

When i was eight i started seeing my dad again. I didnt think it would happen anymore but it did. When i was asleep he would come in. I would wake up stripped of my clothes. After a while i knew i had to make it stop. I would put board games on top of a stool in front of the door. That way when ever the door opened it would make a crash and i would wake up. It never really happend after that. only little things like tickling me would happen and his hand would "slip". It started happening to my friends that came over. And i didnt say anything. I couldnt. My brother would touch them and i would keep quiet.

Two years ago my mother passed away. And i was forced to move in with him. He treats me like his slave. he doesnt sexualy abuse me but he screams at me. When he gets home hes usually drunk and he'll be mad at me. After hes done yellings at me and throwing things he'll tell me he loves me. And force me to say it back. I cant say i love you to him. He wasnt there when i need him. He just ignored it. How do you ignore your daughter being sexually abused? Was my brother better than me and deserve it? Sometimes i feel like i have no reason to be upset because i was only molested. Other kids have been raped and beat. So i should jus suck it up and move on. My brother's 18 now and i pray he moves out soon. i hate having to see him. It kills me when we have to hold hands at the dinner table. I just pray this pain stops soon.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Mikayla

by Mikayla
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 14 turning 15 this month. When I was 12 (2007) my mum had met this guy by the name of M. He seemed alright at the time and soon enough they started dating. About 4 months into the relationship he had moved in and everything was smooth sailing for a while. 2 months later he had started getting moody for no reason at all, and he'd yell at either mum, my brother and sister, or myself. He would say we were useless or stuff that was so horrible that I cant say on here.

It never mattered to him what time of the day or night it was, when he was angry he didnt care at all. My sister moved out after 3 weeks of getting yelled at, she couldnt handle it anymore... Even though she left the yelling still went on. After a while it wasnt just yelling anymore. He started physically abusing my mum, brother and I. Every night my brother and I would lay in our rooms and listen to mums crying and her screams, we were too scared to do anything. When I heard her painful screams I just cried because I felt so useless, not being able to do anything.

There were a couple of incidents where my mum would be knocked onto the floor and he'd get on top of her and strangle her, these were the only times I was brave enough to do anything. I kicked him in the ribs as hard as I could and he whacked his head on the cupboard door and he got knocked out.

When he finally got a job he would do night trips up to places over 350kms away so he'd be gone for a couple of days, delivering to different places. But even though he was out of the house it didnt stop him from calling the house phone to make sure we were there and to see if anyone had come over.

When he got home from these trips he would park his truck in the driveway so mum couldnt go out in the car, he wouldnt even let us walk down the road to the shops. He pretty much controlled everything we did. When we had friends over he would start yelling and throwing things around, this embarrassed us entirely and when they left they never came back... Never heard from them again. He was like a ticking time bomb, you never knew when he would go off.

Finally in 2008 on my brothers 16th birthday, M had left to deliver stuff a ways away so we knew he would be gone for the day. That was when we had enough courage to go to the police and tell them our story. That night we got a 24 police order out on him (which means he cant contact or go near us for 24 hours) and they served it on him when they found him but that didnt stop him from ringing us. The next day we went to the court house to get a VRO (Violence Restraining Order) out on him. At first the Judge wasnt going to approve it until we showed him our bruises. That day they approved it and it took them a week to put it on him because they couldnt track him down.

It never stopped him though, it was like a piece of paper meant NOTHING to him. We'd fall asleep and in the morning when we woke up we would have over 150 missed calls plus 300 or so messages. We reported everyone to the police but nothing really happened. On my 13th birthday I had only just gotten back home from spending a week with my dad when a brick came flying through my mums window, missing her by inches. It had scared everyone, mostly my mum and brother. The police got there within 2 minutes and they couldnt prove it was him because there was no fingerprints. They told us to leave right away and go to a Refuge for women.

We had to travel 40 minutes to the Refuge because the one in town didnt accept us because my brother was over 16. When we got to the refuge it was 2 in the morning but thankfully they let us in. I'll never forget that night. The following day we had to go back to the house to let the Detectives in, but when we got there we couldnt get in, he had changed the lock on the doors! We had to pay $150 for the locksmith. When we finally got in we were in shock, he had trashed the whole house and taken stuff that wasnt even his.

That week we took the rest of the stuff and put it in storage, half of it was his but he took our stuff so we took the rest of his. We had to leave it in storage for 7 weeks while we lived at the refuge. Then we got a house near the refuge so we moved into that. Altogether my mum, brother and I have made 37 statements against this man. He has been charged with 27 breaches of the VRO plus aggravated stalking. He went to jail for 18 months but unfortunately got out in February this year. We now live somewhere else but we know he is still looking for us.

I will never forget these memories because they haunt me every day. This has affected me alot more than it has my brother. My mum has never really recovered from it. I never really sleep anymore because when I do I have flashbacks. The scars are just a physical reminder to the torment we suffered. My grades in school have dropped tremendously and im so scared of everything. I suffer from severe depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but apparently its common for kids that have experienced abuse.

I try to live my life like I did before mum had met him, but it seems impossible. Im so glad that my mum, brother, sister and I are alive today and I cherish every moment I have with them.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Stephen1

by Stephen
(USA)

I'm not sure what happened would be called abuse. I've done some research which leads me to say this though, I'm by no means an expert. My brother was perpetrator in these events which gives it some gray area. I'll explain my memory quickly, most of my memories from then have been repressed until recently so I've been getting some information back but I don't know everything yet.

What did happen started roughly when I was 6 or 7 I'd say I can't see it starting later than that but I don't know. The very first thing I can remember was being held up in front of a family friend, a girl, naked. Being asked to strip down, I can only theorize why he wanted me to do this but I did it. From there it progressed to another family friend, a girl, I was a nude display object. It progressed to while playing hide and seek, with several people of men and women being told I should play naked in the back and stand there. I was instructed that being touched was the goal and that was the only way to get out thus making me harder to get out (oh yay!) I'd think. I started to feel dirty. There was a time I remember being in a door way being bribed, by I don't know what, to slowly take off the towel I was wearing. It was all *just a game*.

What I do know is that he was once kind, and progressively more aggressive. I became fearful of bothering him or annoying him. I got use to getting hit actually, generally it was punches to the gut as I wouldn't bruise there as my parents found a bruise once and scolded him, he wasn't happy about that; he learned, he was quick and smarter than me. He tried to hide it from even me by holding "wrestling matches" that we'd see on tv. One thing I even realized back then was the younger brother couldn't win, that was against the rules. Though that progressed too beyond simply wrestling and some hits (which would seem normal for brothers) it then twisted into strip wrestling, wrestling for servitude, wrestling for back massages, wrestling for nude full body massages. With each progression it became more sexual and I felt a bit more nervous and dirtier but I didn't ever fight back. It finally ended in every time me giving full body nude massages.

While that may seem almost normal? I don't know, this next part seems to bring that and push it over the boundaries. Beyond the hitting, the coerced events comes two memories. One is an attempt, maybe a success, I don't remember, to get me to preform oral on him by blindfolding me and telling me he'd feed me an ice cream. A second memory was of an attempt at forced anal filled with shouting and harassment to do it well. I was stupid to follow along and believe everything. This isn't it all but it's a lot. I'm sure I'll probably remember more.

I can't say it's from this completely, or exactly, that I have my memory problems. I also don't know if this is why it took me until I was 20 to even kiss a girl or even to be able to be that close to someone.

Well this story may not belong here but I posted it anyway.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Lynn1

by Lynn
(Illinois, USA)

I am seventeen. I am bipolar, and have had a lot of problems with depression for many years. Since I was twelve years old mental health hospitalizations have become fairly common for me. Many people have said that I had a lot of problems that make it seem like I had been abused (low self esteem, self harm, eating disorder), but I didn't remember being abused.

A little while ago I realised that I had been repressing these memories. Thinking back I don't know how I didn't figure that out sooner. There was a small memory that has popped into my mind many times over the years, but for some unknown reason I just ignored it.

I'm still trying to remember everything, but some things are becoming clearer. What I do know is that it was oral sex and that he bit me. It was in the basement at my grandparents' house when I was probably between three and six years old. My age is making it more difficult to remember many details, but I think it was one of my male cousins. He is only four years older than me though, so I'm not positive if that would be possible.

A different cousin of mine was sexually abused by several people in the past, but I don't know who. I'm planning to try to see if he was one of her abusers, but I won't name names if she doesn't mention him. I don't want to cause any problems with my family. If he did that to her, it is more likely that he was capable of being my abuser as well.

I talked to my mom about thinking I may have been sexually abused when some of the memories first stared to surface, but no one knows that I am now positive that it happened. She has no idea that it was at my grandparents' house, and I doubt that I will tell her.

I still don't even know for sure how I feel about all of this. I don't feel angry. Anger is something I've never really understood, though. If I get mad at someone else, I just turn that anger back to myself. It upsets me, but I don't know exactly which emotions I feel about it. It makes some of my problems make more sense, though.

There is also something that I don't know whether or not it would be classified as abuse. My sister is less than two years older than me. We were both mean to each other sometimes when we were little, but I think that's normal. When we got older I started to try being nicer, but she got worse. She would yell and swear at me and call me names. She never beat me up or anything, but she did hit me sometimes. During her first pregnancy she was very mean to my mom and me, but when my niece was born she started being a lot nicer, and we are very close now.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Mike S

by Mike
(Canada)

I've been replying to a few stories here, so I guess it's only fair for me to share my story, even though my abuse was nothing compared to what millions of others have had to go through, are going through, and will be going through. It wasn't even really abuse because my parents just didn't know any better. They learned from their parents, but did a little better. I learned from my parents, and if I ever have a family, (probably won't), my kids will know what love is.

My abuse would be a form of neglect. Very simply, I didn't believe my parents loved me. Why? Because they NEVER said I love you, and they didn't really do a good job of showing it either. I have 1 younger brother and 1 younger sister. She's the baby of the family and was also "Daddy's girl". Even as little kids, my brother and I were always the one at fault when we had a quarrel with our sister. It was always Mike (or my brother), get to your room. Eventually our mother started to see that it was never our sister getting punished, so she started taking our side and sending her to her room. Of course, that started fights between our parents. Of course, it was all my fault. ;) That's what I thought when I was younger anyway.

The real problem came in my teens. I never thought highly of myself, I was very overweight, (240lbs at age 13), and I was extremely shy, so I never had friends in school except for 1 from kindergarten to grade 10. I also never had a girlfriend. When I actually had the guts to say something, the reply would be along the lines of "who would want to go out with a tub of lard like you", so I stopped asking. My first girlfriend was when I was 23. That's a different story.

Anyway, because of how miserable my life was, I was depressed most of my life, from about 12 to 45. When I was 15 I already felt very unlovable, then something happened to prove it. We were at a relative's house. Their backyard was 2 levels with a 45 degree hill going down about 4 feet. I was standing near the edge of where the drop started when suddenly my knee gave out on me. It's done that before. I tumbled down the hill and lay at the bottom in agony. My kneecap was out of place and on the side of my leg. While in agony, everyone there, including my parents, laughed at how funny that looked, me rolling down the hill. It was only seconds before they knew something happened, but I felt like it was minutes. My father carried me to the car, then went back to say their goodbyes, slowly. I was waiting for about 10 minutes. First big mistake. We finally left, then rather than going to a hospital, we went home and called our family practitioner. He said to bring me to the hospital in the morning. Major mistake. I lay in bed all night with my kneecap out of place and crying in pain, then at the hospital the next day, the doc that looked at me was shocked to find out I was kept at home for the night. I had surgery. That whole incident did it for me.

I knew for a fact then that my parents didn't love me. For the next 3 years I was always thinking suicidal thoughts. Never wanted to, but always came up with ideas, some pretty interesting ones too. When I was 19, I started wanting to commit suicide. The next 25 years of my life was a roller coaster ride. That's a story of its own.

Jan 2009 I went to my doc to see about antidepressants and the last 16 months of my life have been different, good and bad times, but no more roller coaster rides, and no more suicidal plans. The way the last 16 months have gone, I'm taking Bupropion for the rest of my life.

Like I said, my abuse is nothing compared to what others go through. It was mostly just parents who didn't express love, and many people have parents like that and live a normal life, but I guess I just had too many negatives in my life to be able to live normally. Now, at 46, I'm finally starting.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Sam M

by Sam M
(New Jersey, USA)

I have been battling with my sexuality since I was 5 years old. Growing up though I never thought that what I felt was wrong. I soon entered grade school and found out that not all boys shared the same feelings I had. I remember one incident where I was in the school playground with the rest of the children. There was a boy that I had my eye on for a while and I liked him alot. I thought he was cute. While we were horsing around, I reached over and squeezed his butt. He jumped up shooting his hand where I touched him. He quickly turned around and said, "You're gay!!!!!" He rounded up all the boys and they all ran away in fear of me. I sat motionless wondering what was that word he called me? Gay? What did that mean? A thousand questions raced through my head.

I knew that I liked boys but never really knew why, since I was too young to know what sex even was at that time. I often questioned myself "Why" and sometimes I even asked God "Why me Lord" but due to the negative reactions I received from people about homosexuality, I never felt comfortable with speaking to anyone about it. It wasnt until the birth of the internet that God answered my prayers. I now had a source to find an answer to my "problem." I went through the rest of my life walking on pins and needles hoping i would not give off signals of my sexual orientation. Of course, I could not hide it always but I did a pretty good job of it, especially in alot of public places.

Anyway, i was about 8 years old when the first assault occured. I was vacationing in the Pocono Mountains with my grandparents. They wanted to spend some alone time with each other, so they signed me up for a daycare program at the hotel we were at. The head camp counselor, whose name and identity escapes me, was very handsome. I noticed that immediately seeing that I had these feelings for men for about three years then. The only physical attribute I remember about him though is that he wore his hair like "Jefferson" from the hit TV show "Married with Children."

Anyway, one day the counselor brought the class to the hotel's indoor pool. We all had to change into our swimwear...boys went one way, the girls the other naturally. This camp counselor was in charge of the boys locker room!. He stood at the doorway and watched all the boys undress. Many of us were naked while we changed into our swim trunks. The other boys dressed faster than me and one by one left to jump in the pool. I WAS THE LAST ONE LEFT BEHIND!!!!!!!!! I was the only black kid there (the counselor was white , not that that makes a difference)

I remember when I took my underwear down, I turned around to look for my trunks and locked eyes with the counselor.I suddenly took notice to the counselor smiling at me. Out of nervousness I suppose, I smiled back. I think he thought that I was giving him the greenlight to touch me. I know now I smiled because I WAS nervous. I did not know how to react to the situation. This grown man is staring at me while I'm standing here naked omg. I must admit there was a part of me that was glad to get the attention. Coming from a household where the men were all macho tough guys. There was never really any affection from the men in my family. No one holding me, kissing me on the forehead, and telling me that they would protect me because they loved me only because I was their son, or nephew. I WAS happy to get the attention from the counselor... not knowing then that all attention is not good or positive attention. The counselor was looking for a playmate...a toy, not to love me for me...to protect me or secure me. I did not know that then but I THOUGHT that this guy was there to love me...to protect me...secure me and give me all the things from a man that I wasnt receiving at home. I WAS WRONG!!!!!!

The counselor led me into one of the bathroom stalls. He told me we were going to play a game...hide and go get. I thought, I had never heard of that game? I asked, "Is it like Hide and Go Seek?" He said "Kinda but what I seek, I already found." Those words have haunted me for over 15 years! I WILL NEVER FORGET THEM!!!!With that said, he lowered my swim trunks and performed oral sex on me. The sensation was incredible. I did not know you could pleasure someone down there?! I stood and looked down intently as he continued. I remember his large pink hands were squeezing my butt cheeks as he kept pleasuring me orally. Now, I do not recall ejaculating but if I did it probably wasn't a big whoop seeing that I was only 8. When he finished, the counselor simply got off his knees, opened the stall door and walked out to the noise of screaming kids splashing around in the pool. I was in shock...I sat back on the toilet seat stunned with my trunks around my ankles. Thus, ended my assault and begun Sam's sexual prowess for men.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Donna1

by Donna
( Location Undisclose)

I've gone trough quite some varieties of abuse taht usually mess poeple up, weirdly enough i turned out pretty okay. It all starts before I'm even born. My parents were never married and I get why, my mom can't stay in a relationship with a man for more than 7 years.

The first 2-3 years of my life my parents took good care of me and took me everywhere they went, since they travel a lot. But after i was 3-4 I was taken careof by many poeple. One of the main ones was my aunt (my mom's sister)and she acted like a real mother, and then my mom setteled down and started falling out of love so she came and lived with us. She still didn't act too motherly, occasionally bought me animals but rarely ever spent time with me. My aunt did a pretty good job at pretending to be so nice, decieving my father's side of the family, but the reality is that my aunt pretended to love me just for money. Everything she bought (even if it was for herself, or food) she asked my mother to give her all the moneys he spent. I didn't realise taht up untill last year (I'm 14 now) I've been bullied since 1st grade to 7th grade, so much that is made me cry, and at age 10 i was pretty suicidal(yet there is more so that may have been caused by more things)

When I was 6-7 my mom and I went on a vacation to Greece. The neighbor in the hotel befriended my mom, and she had a daughter taht was about 11-12. One night my mom and her went out, and left me and her daughter alone in the apartment. The girl tried to undress me and I protested. She started punching me and kicking and grabbed my hair and pulled it really hard and threatened me if i didn't do what i was told she would tell my mom bad things about me and that she would hurt me furthermore. So I was forced into performing oral sex on her. The next day, they went away and I never told anyone about what happened. I started watching a lot of porn in 3rd and 4th grade when my mom wasn't home and my aunt wasn't home either... which happened a lot.

In 4th grade (at the age of 9) my mom starts having a drinking problem, into teh winter it progresses more and more so she turns into a deep alohoc state. From 2nd to 4th grade my mom had a boyfriend, who i honestly liked, he was a nice guy really and he tried to make my mom stop drinking but she hurt him emotionally so he just gave up andleft me with my mother. As for my aunt, she got chased away from home becaus emy mom thought she was stealing me away from her. My mom even attacked her with an ax while she was sleeping. Into the winter my mom had found herself a new boyfriend, and drug dealer and user. My mom was missing for a few days then came back, and after a few more days she brought her new boyfriend and he came in and lived with us. My mom didn;t buy anymore food, just alcohol, and just as she was loosing weight so was I. During the wint holydays, I barely ate. Once school started i spend the money i had saved up on food to buy in the little school food store. My teachers knew about my mother, some of my friend's parent's knew, yet no one did anything. Later I accidently got an injury and went with my mom's boyfriend to teh doctor and later taht they teh doctors took me to an asylum because they thought he had abused me. I spent 9 months at teh asylum from february 10th to august. The only thing I ate for a year (since the winter taht my mom became a huge alcoholic) was bread with butter and candy. My dad found out about my situation at the asylum in april. My dad travels a lot and always loses his phone so you can abrely even contact him anyhow. I see him liek 3 times per year for 2-3 days. It's always been that way and it still is. After I got out of the asylum i moved into another country, where my dad is from. I moved in to live with my cousin. I started studying in an international school, and I didn't know a word of english so it was really ahrd for me but I cought up really quickly. And even there poeple bullied me. Yet no one cared.

By the end of 5th grade I started getting depressed. Suicidal even. In 6th grade everything became worse. I didn't have any friends. I hated that feeling, because I didn't have nay friends in 2nd garde either... but back tehn i dealt with it by having over a 100 imaginary friends. some of them were poeple who looked like me, had the same name as me... yet had a different personality. And many were just horses and other animals. At the begining of 6th grade I became so upset i wnated to stab myself my my really longa dn pretty edgy key but since I did it in the changing room.. poeple stopped me from it. When 6th garade finished, my dad thought it would be a good idea if My mom and I went on a vacation together (her still being an alcoholic) On my birthday shetells me she wants to die in 5 years, and later she get's upset and since tehre was a pool she said "IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME THEN WHY DON'T I JUST KILL MYSELF??" and she jumped into the pool. In 7th grade things started neutralizing only that my dad started being more active in my life and strated being all weird. Now he acts as if what happened iwth my mom was nothing, and he strives for my "normality". He even said once that when I was younger I was obsessed with snakes, thank god I'm normal now. That hurt me so ba di just wanted to rip myself apart. He also claims that I'm just like him when were nothing a like.

Right now my life is getting really good. My mom calls me and bothers me trough the phone, she tells me about how everything is my aunts fault. My aunt is dead. My dad thinks that every othe person loves me and wants to rape me so he's OVER PROTECTIVE. I'm not too sure about my sexuallity, but i think I'm slightly lesbian because I am attracted to both sexes... but i would never consider having sex with a man. EVER. and it's been that way for many many years. Sorry if you can't read what i've written but I tend to have typos and spelling mistakes because I type too fast and have a bad concentrating problem.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From G

by G
(USA)

I dont know what age i was exactly but i assume i was 9 either way i was young...so my family had a friend to come live with us and all the while he made me feel very uncomfortable, like he would make me sit on his lap and he would rub his penis on my butt after this i would ignore him to my best ability. well we moved into his and his WIFE's house and all the while no one knew what had gone on before so i just ignored it. until one night i was downstairs sleeping on a bed with my brother when i felt a hand in my underwear...i woke up to him molesting me. i was so terrified i pretended i was still asleep. but it was a living nightmare that wouldnt stop. the only reason he stopped was because my dad woke up to go to work and when he was done i ran upstairs to my moms room but i never told...i always thought of telling but i didnt...im 16 now and i still think of it but even though people say "forgive and forget" i will certainly never forgive but i will try my best to forget.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Rachel For Sam

by Rachel
(Ireland)

My family recently adopted a 16 year-old boy named Sam who has been abused all his life. I don't know how anyone could come out of a life like he has been through and still be a sweet kid but that's exactly what he is. He's very quiet and only talks when someone says something to him.

Sam was very afraid of us (especially my dad) when he first came to live with us. If you moved your hand near him or touched him, he would sort of tense up very suddenly and almost wait for you to hit him. He's lived with us for about 8 months and he's just now starting to break himself of that habit. Sam has scars all over his body. Most of them are on his chest, back and shoulders but there are some on his face and arms, too. Once, my mom asked me to put a pile of his clothes in his room. The door was half open and I didn't know he was in there so walked in. He was changing his shirt because we were going to some people's house for dinner and when I walked in he was shirtless. It was extremely shocking to see all the terrible scars all over him and I'm ashamed to admit that I stared for a second. I gave him his clothes and when he took them he thanked me but he couldn't look me in the eye and I knew he was ashamed. I now feel horrible that I didn't say something.

My parents told me that Sam was brutally beaten by his father from the time he was born until he was 13. He was then put in 4 different foster homes; all of which were abusive. He's suffered through physical and emotional abuse his whole life. I feel so bad for him and I want to help him and talk to him about it but I don't know how. I'm afraid I'll just make things worse.

Thank you for reading this.




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Child Abuse Story From John S

by John S
(Location Undisclosed)

My abuse: 
I've tried to tell a couple friends about this but they act like I should not be bothered by what happened when I was around 7 could have been 8. My parents work scheduales gave me about 2 hours with a sitter. A girl used to come down from a few houses up the block. I can not remember her name she had to be around 14 or 15 in those few hours almost everyday she touched me and I was told when and where to touch her. She layed me down and had sex with me a lot of times. When I finally told my uncle who was probably in his mid 30s and lived close by he showed up at my house while she was messing with me. She got real scared but all my uncle did was have sex with her right there in front of me. The abuse went on for a few months then my parents moved me out of state. I am 38 years old , I believe what hppened to me as a kid has ruined my life. I am a sex addict I have been married 3 times all 3 marriages ended because of my cheating. I attempted suicide 3 times one time landing me in the hospital for a month.




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Child Abuse Story From Keyshla

by Keyshla
(USA)

Three Different Times: 
Im 14. When I was 2 or 3, I was molested by an elderly man In my church. I remember him coaxing my trust with juice and crackers, candy and toys. I was (and still am) very rebellious, so when sunday school was being given I would wander around the church, and eventually, this man would come and find me. I was so innocent, I didnt suspect a thing. One day, he took me into the bathrooms and laid me on the floor. He started tickling me, and I remember because I was smiling and laughing. But then, he unzipped his pants and made me do things to him. I can still feel the despair, I remember not wanting to and crying. Later In my life, when I was about 9 or 10, my mother married a man whom I had no idea he was. He too, molested me. Not only did he molest me, but he physically abused my mom too. I can still hear the screams, when he took a knife to her throat and threatned her. The third time I was molested in my life, was very recent. Last year, my older cousin was over at my house one night. We were having dinner when my mother asked us to do a family prayer. Everyone closed their eyes, including me, in reverence. He molested me right in front of my mom and she didnt even know it. These events have really affected my life, and I need help. I need someone to talk to, like a psychologist, but my family dosen't have much cash to waste. I really am past the point of, y'know, crying about it, but...I mean...I feel like an idiot because I can't get over it. I don't know...I guess...I just wanted to tell my story.




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Child Abuse Story From Dawn J

by Dawn
(England, United Kingdom)

I am 15 years old and basically my cousin, age 15 at the time, was staying over, i was 8 years old, my mum dad and little brother was all asleep in bed thats when my cousin climbed in my bed and started raping me, the nextmorning i was convered in blood, but my parents never said anything to me, i dont think they even cared. i still havent told anyone about this, ad he has never apoligised or spoken to me since, i hate him so much!




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Child Abuse Story From Emmarlia

by Emmarlia
(Australia and New Zealand)

Year 2000, i was 9,cute,smiled,cheeky,laughed, i cared, i LOVED, i played. I always had some type of desire to please my nan when i was young, who was actually raising me at the time. I was the smart one, the one who would 'go far' in life. I hated letting her down. Me and my sister use to build huts inside the house with the sheets over bunk beds and mattresses blocking the hallway. We loved it dark, but in the dark under the sheets one day appeared a some what familiar figure. My uncle. He fooled around with my sister, she was never the same person.

One night my uncle decided to pitch a tent out in the paddock, he told my nan he needed help setting it up and if i could assist. i was so excited, but i ended up giving him 'massages' according to some timer on his wrist-watch. He exposed himself and did nasty things. I blocked it out, i pretended it didnt happen. He told me "Imagine what your Nan would think of you... she'd be disgusted if she knew"

Over a period of 2 and a half years all us grandkids were exposed to and made a part of sexual abuse. Once my brothers were made to suck each other off in front of us. My uncle laughed at them and called them faggots. He said we were worthless and that his mum (our nan) would never listen to crock from kids, especially kids who sucked dicks. When i turned 13 it was like:
I cant escape it, having nightmares about it, i cant handle longterm relationships, guys cant touch me in certain places, i cheated, prostituted, i drunk excessively, i poppe pills, smoked weed, anything to block or num the pain. I didnt smile. I hated people. I trusted NO ONE. i got into fights. I had so much anger, at people, the world, "GOD", MYSELF!!just everything. I hurt like crazy if i didnt have some type of drug. I'd rather just die. No worries. My family couldnt understand how i was such a beautiful "going to make it" kid to a convicted juvenile no hoper?? i was left alone heading towards deppresion, in my own thoughts, stress, just general varieties of evil projected from me everyday. I moved to my mums but things seemed to only get worse.

That was then, now at 18, i met a guy by chance who slowly got to know me and worked out why i was acting the way i did and who i really wanted to be. He knew before me. He protected me and re assured me everyday he was going to be there for me. He worked on me like a little project of his, sometimes i'd tell him my stories and he'd stare at me with sadness, tears and even genuine love but never pity. he new i hated it. slowly i faced everything piece by piece, i realised why i acted the way i did, and yes I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE AFFECTED FROM ABUSE and i then became a person who negatively AFFECTED OTHERS. This guy told me "now, are u going to let ur abuser affect u and do u want to hurt others during the process?" well....NO!! he tore down my emotional shield, my brick wall, developed new ways of thinking and together we rebuilt this brick wall, we built it back with LOVE.
It sure as hell wasn't easy.
i feel such a burden off my shoulders.




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Child Abuse Story From Ashley8

by Ashley
(Location Undisclosed)

Im 15 now. since i was about 5 years old ive been sexual abused. i have 3 younger sisters. My father always was the good guy and i loved him so much and never wanted to let him down. He had a great family( well so that i thought) He was my bestfriend and would cry to me alot about my parents spliting up and i hated my mother. but my dad was twisting my thoughts up and made me love him and think he was great when really, i was being tricked me and my sisters looked up to him so much. like all my friends loved him so much too. everyone loved him and i thought how could i ruin that for him. i mean he even cried to me and said he was messed up and would make me feel bad? like what was i suppose to . you grow up and listen to your parents,. so how was i suppose to say no. and i never wanted to tell because he was a boyfriend, dad, bestfriend, son, brother. I felt horrible to tell.. i promised him. but i carried all his weight on me, like all his problems i took care of him. He actually has 2 brothers and one sister. Who are younger and they are all so close. His sister and i were so close and i actually found out when i told she was sexual abused by him. He got married in jail and his whoole family blames me and i was so close to them, i went to court, and they all were crazy about it. i was strong and i read a letter to him, and out loud at the court and i was 13 when i did it. Hes in jail for ten years and i cant see him until im 30 because he is to good with his words and they are afarid that he can talk me into again. It would happen every saturday night for a couple of years, i just wanted to make him happy :/ i just felt like the world was on my shoulders, and i couldnt do it anymoree. My dad got someone to marry him in jail he is that good.. like his girlfriend was with him when this happened and when i told she was still there. and blamed me ? then married him. but i will be strong and be there for my sisters. ive lost alot of people out of this. and i moved to a different state. its sad and so much more happened, i lost my aunt, 2 uncles, grandparents and father. i had to changed my whole life around. But i have my little sisters and my mom. and they have kept me going. they make me strong and i love them so much. i did this for my sisters, so this wouldnt happen to them, and i got my only wish i wanted.. " that they never got touched by him" and i made that wish happen. sorry if this story is kinda weird and all, but so much happened these last two years after my dad has been gone, but there is so much to add to this. just idk thanks for reading.




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Child Abuse Story From Laura6

by Laura
(USA)

My family is one of those "perfect" ones, with the nice Christmas pictures with everyone wearing red sweaters and smiling for the camera. We had parties with lots of people in our home, and my brothers and I were sent to the best schools, but in private, our mother abused us. She was usually very smart about it and left marks only in places people wouldn't see. Any imperfection, like getting our clothes dirty or acting shy with strangers, resulted in a punishment at home.

I remember once at church I spilled punch on my dress and started crying because I knew that punishment was coming, and my mother said, "Oh, don't worry sweetie, it was an accident," because the other mothers were sitting there. At home she sent me into the backyard to cut a switch, then took me in the bathroom and made me pull down my underpants and hold up my dress while she whipped me.

That time like all the other times she ranted about how I had embarrassed her in front of everyone. As the only girl, I was the most embarrassing to her because my hair got sweaty and mussed when I played, and I didn't sit like a lady, and a whole host of other things that made me unacceptable as a daughter. A more "severe" offense, like arguing about the clothes I would wear to school, received a more severe punishment, like being forced to drink one of the cleaners she kept neatly arranged under the sink or being burned with her curling iron--always on the body where clothes would cover the marks.

During my early teen years, I became more and more resistant to my mother's punishments, and my mother's violence became more and more out of control. When I was fourteen, she dislocated my elbow and fractured two ribs. When my father saw my arm, he insisted on taking me to the hospital, but he seemed to believe my mother's story that I was injured because I was playing football with my brothers, which made it my own fault because girls shouldn't be doing that sort of thing to begin with.

At the hospital, the doctor asked my father and mother to leave the room to fill out paperwork, and then he sat down next to me and asked how I had been hurt. I will never forget his face in that moment, worried and kind, and I thought for a long moment before I made the decision to trust him with my secret. I asked him to make my mother stop, and he promised to make sure I was safe. When I left the hospital, I went to live with my aunt in the country. I'm sure my parents made up some story to tell their friends and church members to avoid embarrassment. My doctor kept in touch with me for years to make sure I was being cared for properly.

There are people who will help if we only have the courage to reach out to them. I'm still in the process of healing, and it has helped to talk with my brothers, but I am not in contact with my mother, and my father believes that I exaggerate the abuse. It has also helped to volunteer as a family court advocate for children in the juvenile court system, and I recommend that to anyone who is far enough along in recovery to help others.




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Child Abuse Story From Char

by Char
(Ireland)

I am a 15 year old girl 16 in too months abused by my half brother! My parents are very caring and protective of me and my too younger sisters. My story has only happened to me and not my sisters thankfully. About three years ago my mum told us that we (my sisters and I) have a half brother, i thought it was great as ive always wanted a brother, my sisters were not so sure whether they wanted a brother or not.

My mum organised a day for us too meet my half brother, who is 25 years of age, we all went, we all enjoyed meeting him then my mum left us with him for a couple hours while she went shopping. My sisters were playing in my half brothers garden and i stayed inside as i didnt feel that well. my half brother came in and asked if i was okay i sed yes then he started to rub my shoulders i felt awkward and told him to stop, then he slapped me round the face and told me i can do anything i like to you in my house, i started to cry, he then hugged me and said sorry i forgived him. my mum started dropping us round my half brother alot more as she thought he could watch us when she needed to go shopping or work, well i went to my half brother house again he let my sisters play out the front i wasnt allowed he sed i was busy i would be out later, he grabbed me and dragged me too hes room and cuffed me to the bed and he used too beat my chest he told me not to tell anyone or he would kill me, i was so scared i didnt tell my mum until the other week she went and confronted him, he denied it. my mum said im not allowed to see him no more but my sisters can but im scared that he will do the same too them as he did too me. I cant trust men anymore because of him and when some tries to hug me i back away and my dad is really upset because we used to be really close.

i will post again soon as im getting upset now.




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Child Abuse Story From Ann1

by Ann
(Texas, USA)

Ruined Early Adulthood: 
I am now 21 years old.I was sexually abused from the time i was 9 years old until i was 13. The penetration part started when i was 12 years old by my step father. I was brought-up by my aunt in which i know as mom.my biological mother called me a lair EVEN after she saw that i had blood running down my legs one night and said nothing. For the past 5 years,I've been in a emotional spiral. i'm depressed most of the time, i lay in the bed all day and yes i do continue to go to school and work. But if i'm not home, i feel as if i'm hated by everyone and talked about.




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Child Abuse Story From Nikki6

by Nikki
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 18 years old right now...i was 10 years old when i was sexualy abused by my male carer. well you see, in the country i came from, there are two types of carer/ babysitter, a male and female. my parents was really busy with work so they didn't have time to care for me. to save up money, my mother decided to ask my older cousin (he was 18 at the time) to take care of me for only a month. i wasn't shy to him since i've talk to him a lot of times in our family gatherings before. he was ridiculously nice and he gave me candy every time i see him. but i didn't know that, that warm smile and kind looking face of his hidden a devil.

i didn't have any problem with him in the first week he took care of me. he was a good cook and a good play mate. but about second...or was it third(not sure)week, he started acting strange... what i meant by strange is that he started touching my body while making green jokes at me. he touched the top part of my body at first. i didn't think much about it since i was close to him. i thought he was just hugging me to be sweet as a cousin or sometin' but he started touching my lower parts of the body... i pushed him so hard when he did so...but what can i do? i was only 10 and i was a little girl... i didn't have that much power so he got what he wanted... it was the worst feeling i've ever experince in my entire life..... my body aches over... i thought i was going to die from the hurt you know.... i tried everything just to get away from him but nothing seems to work.... i shouted.... i really did.... i shouted sooo much until i couldn't shout anymore... but no one really came... what do i expect? my parents were away. i was an only child... and my grandparents lives in the country side so i had no one to get help to...to make matters worse, my house was big enough for any one not to hear.

that day, he sexually abused me a couple of times more before he got tired. i was so tired and my body hurts so much that i couldn't move even my pinky finger. i cried silently while looking away from him.... before my parents could even get home he dressed me up and washed up all the bed sheets so nothing can be found. he asked me if i was hungry... but i did not answer him. i just cried and i wouldn't look at him in the eyes. he tried to talk to me a couple of times but i wouldn't answer. he gave up and took me to my bed room and he laid me in my bed just like he always do at night when its time for me to sleep. "i'm sorry. but please don't tell. i'm sorry" he said in my language before he closed the door. that night. it was the first time i cried sooo much... i'm not sure if it is because of the pain or the fact that i couldn't hate him despite of what he've done?

after that day. he never came back... i had a new carer. but this time it was a female. since that day i never seen him too. he never went to the family gatherings... last time i heard he joined the army... a couple of years later when i was 14 i moved to another country. i started new life but i still couldn't forget what happened... i tried to lock it up from my mind but i couldn't... i have nightmares every night until now... i tried to go out with a few guys but i feel so guilty that i never last more than a week to any of them... i tried to tell my parents just like any online tips for child abused theraphy suggests but i couldn't bring my self to tell my parents about what happened... until now i haven't told them of what happened... i just couldn't... or maybe i didn't want to... i'm not sure.... my head gets very fuzzy if i think too much about this so i think i'll be stopping here... really need water now....




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Child Abuse Story From Doug

by Doug
(Location Undisclosed)

In 1968 I was sexually assaulted by a camp councilor at YMCA Camp Wanakita in the Halliburton's. Over 40 years I have suppressed this incident and the effect this pedophile had on my life.

Those were the worst 2 weeks I have ever experienced and have left a lifetime of scars. Today YMCA will barely recognize the incident as they want to sweep this under the cabin and forget it occurred. Somewhat like the Roman Catholic Church. I gave up on God and Christ for years as they were not there when I was a 10 year old boy. I am now back in the loving arms of Christ.

I am struggling with this today and have various therapists and groups who are helping me to overcome my feelings and loss. I have learned I didn't do anything wrong and am starting to forgive myself. I still have resentments against the YMCA and any Christian organization that protects pedophiles from prosecution and does not help these abused children to heal. It's not our fault!

I have a long road ahead of myself to work through these scars!




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Child Abuse Story From Richard S

by Richard S
(United Kingdom)

My battle: 
I was a victim of child abuse from the age of ten spanning over 9 years, 2 years ago i had enough courage to tell my father the whole truth. over the last two years i have been battling alongside two other relatives to make this evil individual face justice. 2 months ago i went to court, it was the most terrifying thing i have ever done. but i stayed true to heart and spoke only the truth even truths that i had hidden away in the darkest corners of my mind. after 3 gruelling days i had finished giving my evidence and awaited the outcome. The court ruled Guilty, and it was the best day of my life, recently he has been sentenced to twenty years in prison and i am so happy that he can not harm any more children. i am now 23 and after the horrid 13 years of heartache and fear i can finally see a silver lining, I hope this story though simply will let you know that as long as you tell the truth its entirety no matter how it makes you feel you are more likely to get your justice.




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Child Abuse Story From Anonamise

by Anonamise
(Bellingham, USA)

I was always abused i dont really remember when it started i was little thats all i know well my mom she had at least married 5diffrent men before i was 5 years old and each one would do somthing horable to me... My byalogical dad sexualy abused me when i was three and my mom did not believe me then when i was alittle older she saw it happen she told me it was a dream... i thought it was a dream untill i was about 4 then i knew it could not have been a dream.then my mom married this guy named ken he was the best person ever untell he started noticing that my mom had been seeing other guys then he devorsed her and she abandoned me for 2 weeks and told me it was my fault he brock up with her i rewinded her life. then there was this guy i dont even know his name my mom said hi to him when she was driving and he asked for a ride my mom said yeah but it was more then just a car ride he tride to tuch me and i told my mom and she dident care...Then she married the person i called my dad for yearsand he always used to hit me with wire and plastic hangers and starved me his favorite thing to do to me was to make me sit in cold water and he would push my head underwater he would push so hard i knew what he wanted he wanted to kill me and my mom told me it was my fault and that if i cried i was weak and that i was worthless she kept on telling me that if she made me she could easilly distroy me and it was only a matter of time before she would




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Child Abuse Story From Kristen5

by Kristen
(Arkansas, USA)

13 years old, emotional and physical: 
I am scared to call the police on my mom because if they do not take her to jail then she will hurt me. I do not know if this is abuse but my mom was cusing and yelling in my face then she grabbed my hair and threw me to the floor and then dragged me from the hallway floor to my room and than sat me up by my hair and yelled in my face. And also one time she left bruises on my legs from a belt but I don't have proof but I did tell my grama and my nana saw it to. I guess the police could do a lie detector test to me...Couldn't they? I have tried to tell my mom how I feel but she doesn't care and then I tried to show her by cutting myself she said I was crazy but treated me the same. But the bruises are gone because it was months ago and the hair thing was a couple weeks ago. Today she cused and yelled at me because I wanted to go walking then she told me I needed to clean instead so I did. But I do talk back to her but I don't cuss and today I didn't talk back and she kept on talking and cusing and I had stoped talking after can I take the dog for a walk?... Help. I need advice.




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Child Abuse Story From Charlotte4

by Charlotte
(Location Undisclosed)

When i was growing up i had one brother and seven sisters. All of them except for me had been exposed to the physical abuse of my mothers second husband. I was born only a year after my mothers third marriage, to my father. As it turns out this was not a blessing but a curse in the way that I recieved the blunt of his emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. There are countless events that help to explain how my father was abusive but here are just a few examples:

My father worked in a buisness he owned makinmg him his own boss. This caused him to work early in the morning and late into the nights. So when he was woken up at a time inconvienuent to him he would show how that made him feel. Like the time I came downstairs to pee in the middle of the night. I was only 4 or 5 and weighed 50 pounds. When I went to walk out of the bathroom trying to be as quiet as posible, but obviously not quiet enoughf, I found a very angry dad waiting with his leather belt. The one with the 4 inch long CHEVY metal sighn. He took the belt and wrapped it around my neck and pulled it tight, without saying a word. After he lifted me off the ground and hung me for a few minutes I blacked out.

I like to think this scene is the last that went threw his mind when he was hanging himself only 8 years later, when i was 12.

His physical abuse was not nearly the worst of it i would have had to say his words hert at much as daggers, until he molested me when i was 6 and i knew what real pain was.
Not litteral pain but the pain of being ashamed to look in the mirror, or say my name out loud. I was too scared to tell anyone about it because he made threats to do it to my other sisters, so I kept my mouth shut. I could never alow that to happen to anyone.

My fathers abuse stands out more in my mind, but my mothers neglect was what finally caused me to crack after my fathers suicide. Having been left at home starving for weeks i fainally decided to get help. i went to my school councelor only two years after my fathers death when my mother's alcoholism had reached it's peak and her mixers of pain killers and muscle relaxers had caused her to have several seizers.

When i went to the school councelor I was not taken sceriously. After the fact that i was not going to get help and i would be stuck in the hellish mess and squaller i was living in for the next 4 years i lost hop. That was the first time i tryed to commit scuicid.

I am proud to say now that i was not sucesful(OBVIOUSLY!) and i never turned to alcohol of drugs, which is more that i can say about all 8 of my siblings who have all passed by either overdose, or suiced.




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Child Abuse Story From Sarah4

by Sarah
( Location Undisclosed)

My mother is, and always has been a bully. She has bullied me throughout my childhood and even now in my adulthood.

As a child, I was shy. I cannot remember how many times we would be out in public, and when adults talked to me, I would look at the floor, answer their questions briefly, then try to slip away. My dad would just ignore it, but my mom would be polite and supportive and explain to the person that I was just shy.

Out in public, she seemed okay with it. As soon as we got into the car, though, the verbal tirade would begin. She would tell me that I was rude and demand to know why I couldn't just answer someone's questions. She'd say things like, "Everyone saw the way you acted!" "You were so rude, everyone thinks so!" And, "I'm ashamed of the way you act!" She'd claim that I was just being difficult and defiant. I was not. I was just uncomfortable around new people. I did the best I could. My dad would always remain silent during these times.

As a kid, I had an average build, just like I do now. I was never overweight, but never underweight either. I was just plain average. My mom has always been petite and skinny, and my older brother was one of those kids who can eat and eat, but never seemed to gain a pound. My mom would often poke me in the stomach and say, "You're gonna be fat like your dad!" and laugh. She'd also criticize me when I ate and tell me to stop it because I was too fat.

Kids sometimes do or say silly things, and I was no exception. My friends and I would act out scenes from MadTV. When I was over at their houses, we could always make their parents laugh and enjoy our acting. I'd try it at home alone with my mom and she'd be disgusted and tell me I was being stupid and immature and to knock it off. I was so hurt. I just wanted the reaction that my friends got from their parents.

My mom also continually teased me, mocked me, insulted me and would call me names, sometimes completely out of the blue. I'd be dumbstruck and hurt. If I cried or got angry, she'd say I was too sensitive and I needed to quit acting like a baby. All the while, my dad just watched.

My dad and my brother would sometimes get into fist fights when he was a teen. They'd scream and yell. It was upsetting to see. Once my father destroyed my brother's stereo with an axe because he played music too loud. I watched him do it.

My dad also would preach to us when we were kids. I remember hearing about the rapture, and being terrorized with threats of hell. He'd also threaten to put both of us in a foster home.

Both of my parents were physically abusive. I remember as a kid, running into my room, scared, and locking the door. I'd even push against the door while they were on the other side, trying to keep them out because when they got in, I'd be hit and screamed at. My mother used to drag me about off bed by my hair or would wake me up by pouring a bucket of ice water on me because I hated going to school.

As a teenager, I got very depressed. I tried to kill myself as a teenager. It was a cry for help. My parents' reaction was extreme. They were so angry, they told me that they didn't want me around anymore and that they would put me in a foster home. Later, when I would be getting depressed again, I'd ask for help. They would never give it. I would confess suicidal feelings, they would say that I was being manipulative, and that I should just kill myself if I wanted to so badly.

But around the psychiatrists I saw afterwards, they seemed supportive and kind. It would make me so angry and I felt like no one would believe me. But people did believe me, my mother's family did. They realized her behavior was wrong, because she'd been verbally abusive to her parents and sister the entire time she was doing it to me!

My parents were just not that loving. Very few hugs, compliments, or "I love yous" were given to us growing up. When they were most needed, when I needed support, I'd get slapped in the face instead. My mother especially will never apologize or admit she is wrong, but I find myself doing it to her all the time!

I try to discuss both their behavior in the past and recent incidents. They seem to forget every bad thing that they've done to us. Sometimes they are so convincing that I believe that I'm the one making it all up. I feel crazy sometimes. Luckily, I have a great older brother. He validates pretty much all of my stories.

I'm getting along better with my dad now that I am an adult. But I know I'll never have the relationship with my mother that I want to have. No matter how hard I try to get her love and approval, nothing works. I'd also like an apology or at least an explanation of many of the things she has done. I know that I will never, ever get it. I'm working on accepting that, but it's hard to let go sometimes.




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Child Abuse Story From Kimberly1

by Kimberly
(USA)

I grew up as the only daughter born to my parents. I have three brothers and lots of uncles. I'm 21 now and have a child of my own. My abuse started at the age of four. Even though I was really young, I remember almost every sexual act, everything that was said to me,just everything that made my life hell when I was merely a baby. My uncle, whom was about 15 at the time, and his friend J took everything from me. My uncle was paid to babysit me while my mom and brothers would run errands. My uncle would then take me into my grandmothers' room and lock the door. He told me he wanted to teach me things.He'd lift up my dress, pull down my panties, and sexually assault me. He didnt penetrate for the first two years, just touched me. He'd threaten to tell on me saying that I would get into trouble if I ever told. He said that I wouldnt ever be able to see my brothers or parents ever again. As a young child, I believed him. His friend J came into the picture when i was about six.

I remember certain occasions with J. He lived down the street and his family and I were really close. He'd sexually assault me while my uncle was babysitting and he was the first to penetrate. I remember the pain, remember me asking them to stop. I remember the sounds and the smell around us. I remember everything. After the last assault, my uncle told J to stop. Only because I was pleading with my uncle to make him stop. J or my uncle never touched me afterwards. They weren't given the chance to. I'd started having really bad bladder infections and ultimately had to get a checkup. The doctors were astounded as they checked me.Seeing i was dilated at the age of six, they knew i was getting abused. Everything came to the surface and they were both sent to jail. I was told I would never have children considering the amount of damage they had done to me. I have massive amounts of scarred tissue.

Alas, years later, i married a marine and we have a wonderful son together. I have emotional problems that stem from this. I also dont like to have sex very often because at times I think its being forced even though it may not be. Through it all,I've learned to forgive. My uncle now has two beautiful daughters of his own. We're actually pretty close. I havent ever talked to him about what happened when I was a child. We act as if it hadnt taken place. But to me, I know it did and I put it in the past.




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Child Abuse Story From Michelle5

by Michelle
(England)

I have been reading some of the storys on here and thought I'd share mine. I am now 29 i come from a big family, my father was an acohlic and addicted to gammbling so we never had much money for food. If it wasn't for my nan who is know longer here we would not of had any thing.When my father come home from getting drunk he would first start on my mum punching and kicking her asking her who she sleep with 2 day etc. Then he would start on me and my sisters asking us whos she's had in and when we said knowone he would punch kick and also use the belt on us sometimes lock me and my younger sister in a cuboard. Other times he would send my mum to my nans to borrow money. My three oldest sisters use to be aloud to go with her to make sure she didn't go any where else . I used 2 wish i could go because i knew what would happen when she wasn't there, my father first use to sit down stairs with me and my sister and would show him self to us, my brothers was up stairs in there room where he made them stay. Then he would make me come up stairs in his room and make me get undreesed, then he would touch me and make me touch him and as time went on it got worse. I never told because i was afraid to at school I was so quiet didn't talk to any one. When i was 10 my mum finilly left him.I remember that day well he came back one day drunk my mums friend had changed the locks and he was kicking the door trying to break it down and my mum didn't give in she'd had enough. We still had to go and see him but it wasn't as bad because we only went there every sunday. I know longer speak to him but do bump into him sometimes because he does not live far from me. I have 2 kids now and it still affects me.I'm know longer with there father but he does see the kids and even though I know he wouldn't hurt them I still want to be there when he sees them. I suffer from anxiety attacks and depression and have Finally decided to go and talk to someone about it my first apointment is next week. This is the first time i have talked about it. thanks for reading my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Erica1

by Erica
(Santa Rosa, California, USA)

I heard about this site from someone who was speaking at our school about child sexual abuse and I read a lot of the stories. They're horrifying and I kind of feel a bit guilty writing about my experience because, even though I now think it was really wrong, it didn't really leave me with any scars that I know of. I feel creepy about some of the things that happened, and feel that I put myself in a dangerous situation at an early age, but nothing bad happened.

I was about nine when summertime came around, and it was so hot out all day long that I loved to sit by the pool or swim. We lived in a really nice condo complex, and everyone pretty much knew everyone else. There were always people out by the pool all day long, and my mom worked all day, so I tended to just swim and hang out all day long because there was always someone who was an adult friend who would also be there. When I was younger (like seven and eight) my mom wouldn't let me go to the pool unless she or my sister were there, but after two summers of knowing that everyone was trustworthy and would watch out for the kids, she told me it was OK to hang out at the pool as long as there were people we knew.

That first summer, this guy moved in a few houses from us who must have been on summer break from college or something. He was really athletic looking (tan, toned, six pack abs, muscular) and all the girls would drool over him (even at nine, I could totally tell that he was hot and I had a total crush on him). Anyhow, he would just sit by the pool and read or study or whatever, and would jump in every once in a while. He would pretty much ignore everyone else and just keep to himself, but he did talk to some people a few times and I remember a couple friends of ours at a BBQ saying that they thought he seemed like a nice guy.

Anyhow, one time when he was in the water swimming around, I was in there with my scuba mask on and swimming kind of close to him. He had on these baggy swimtrunks, and all of a sudden I could see EVERYTHING for a minute when his legs moved a certain way. At that age, I hadn't ever seen a guys parts before, so I was totally shocked. I guess it was like going past an accident on the highway, though, because I couldn't help but look and want to look more.

That summer ended, he moved out to go back to school or whatever, and I forgot about it. The school year went by and then it was summer again, and guess what - he moved back in again.

I saw him by the pool a few times, pretty much with the same routine as the year before - sitting and reading and tanning and keeping to himself. This time, though, he smiled at me one day and said hi and I just about tripped over myself. I said hi back, and that was about it as he went back to reading. But I kept looking over at him every once in a while and even though there were people around, he was sitting in a way where I could see up the leg of his shorts and he wasn't wearing any underwear and I could see EVERYTHING again. Looking back at it now, he must have known because he would always sit in a way that 'aimed' the view at me but not at the few other people around the pool and nobody else saw anything or there would have been instant gossip.

So that went on for a few days where I'd secretly catch glimpses of him whenever I could.

The next part is totally my fault because I got curious and climbed up into a tree fort the neighborhood kids built so I could see into the windows upstairs at his house. The tree was right next to his house, and I thought it would be fun to spy on him in his house. It's stupid, I know, but I was only ten and I had time on my hands and I thought I was being sneaky. It was around seven at night, and the sun was going down, and I was in the fort and then a light went on upstairs in his place. He didn't have curtains on his windows, and I could see him walk into his bedroom and close the door. He then started undressing and glanced out the window and saw me and my heart about stopped because I was totally busted. I ran down the wooden ladder from the fort and went home as calmly as I could hoping that he wouldn't call my mom and tell her that I was looking in his window.

The next day, he was at the pool again and I was afraid to go near him or look at him for over an hour, but finally swam over to his side of the pool and then back again. It was kind of 'boring' because I couldn't see anything and in a weird way I was a little disappointed. But, he paid no attention to me at all, so I figured that he must not have really seen me the night before and I was relieved.

A few nights later, I decided to climb up into the fort again. This time his lights were on already and he was already moving around his room putting laundry away or something. He then glanced my way briefly and I freaked out a little bit again thinking he saw me, but then he just went about his business and I figured he didn't see me. That's when something happened that shocked me. He stood in front of the window, kind of sideways to it. He put his hands down his shorts, and was clearly doing something that I hadn't ever seen before. I thought he maybe had a bad itch or something, but this went on for about a minute. He then pulled his shorts down. I couldn't believe it - I had never seen anything like that before and didn't know what to think about it. He then started masturbating - right in front of me! I didn't know what he was doing at the time, but for whatever reason I coudldn't get my eyes off of him and watched intently. That went on for about four or five minutes, and then he seemed to arch back a bit (now I know he orgasmed) and walked away and turned his lights off.

This kind of thing went on about two or three times a week but got weird. It almost became a routine for me to climb up into the fort and spy on him. Pretty soon, right after I'd climb up, he'd get in front of his window, look straight at me, and start rubbing himself. My heart would race - feeling guilty that I was watching, but also feeling like it was OK because I was outside in my fort, and he was inside his house. He'd orgasm, smile, and then walk away and turn out the lights.

I felt totally freaked (and creeped) out, but at the same time I couldn't get it out of my mind and I'm guilty to say that it really turned me on to watch him. That went on for most of the summer, we saw each other out by the pool lots of times, he never said a word to me, and then the summer was over.

I'm in college now, and after the talk I attended I realize that he was clearly being an exhibitionist and that is a form of sexual abuse. I never really thought much about it, but that's what it was. What is kind of unnerving is how it has affected my sexual relationships with guys.

Sorry for the long story, and you're probably just thinking I'm some whacked out girl who thinks she got abused when really she was just being curious. But those memories stick with me and I just can't get them out of my mind. I fight with myself about feeling turned on by it, and grossed out and manipulated because now I'm sure he knew I was watching and he obviously put on a show for me to get his kicks. I think now that it's sick for a guy in his twenties to do what he did in front of a ten year old.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Brenda2

by Brenda
(Location Undisclosed)

My name is not really Brenda, but i would like to tell you my story and to tell you the truth im ashamed of it. because i did nothing to prevent it. i know i have problems. when i was about 8, my cousin, sexually abused me, he would lick my face, do what he had to do, and then he would leave, but first he would give me money. 100$, 300$. He even bought me a Tv. I've always felt unloved, dirty. So 2 years ago my cousin came to live with my family. We felt in love, and did it. My mother found out and kicked him out, my mother has never loved me. She's never helped me, taken care of me, and she always just beats me. Im thinking of suicide, but im not sure.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Amy My Daughter

by Amy
(Perth, Western Australia)

(I am Amy's mother. She is almost 6 years old and I am writing her story as she speaks to me right now...)

I hate my dad because he hits me and touches my private parts. And he shows rude pictures and movies of children with no clothes on.

He holds me over the balcony because he says he wants to kill me if I tell anyone about the bad things my dad does to me.

He really smacks me so hard and leaves bruises. When he touched my private parts he made me bleed.

I wish I never had to see him again but the judge said I have to. I have to see him today at his house with a lady to look after me.

He holds a knife next to my neck to frighten me.

He gave me medicine to make me go to sleep so he could touch my private parts.

He made my friend have a shower so he could touch his private parts. He took photos of him and made me look at them.

He made me watch movies of children with no clothes on and the grown ups touched their private parts.

My dad wanted me to touch his private parts but I didn't want to or I would be a really bad kid.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Elizabeth Q

by Elizabeth Q
(USA)

My story does not contain the types of abuse you read in most of the stories on this site, but it will haunt me forever. My story is pretty long.

Here is some background:

I am a 13 year old girl with an older sister who has autism (let's call her Julie, 16 years old). She is irritable and has tantrums where she tries to hurt herself, and sometimes injures the people who restrain her in the process. There are many factors that cause her to have these tantrums. I am one of those factors, but the reason is a little weird. She doesn't understand my face expressions and associates me with things she dislikes. We cannot be in the same room unless her aid is with her. I cannot practice my cello, move from my room to downstairs without stepping on the non-creaky parts of the floor, or do anything that she doesn't want me to do without screaming. She is also known to have seizures. Since she has had many tantrums in the past caused by me, I always think it's my fault. My parents are always very considerate, but will never know how I feel. My other sister (let's call her Elise, 18 years old), is really the only person I would talk to.

So let's go back two years (2007-8). My father would occasionally go on business trips and leave Julie, Elise, my mother, and I alone for a while. Because Julie had even bigger problems with me than described above, I was confined to my room when I got home from school. I always didn't want to cause any trouble, so I didn't complain. My dad gave me a laptop so I would have something to do. I regret this.

I played on an online site to occupy myself. I used to play pretty much all of the time. I now have glasses from staring at the screen for so many hours. Also, I was really curious, and since I didn't think it was that bad, I started watching...some very bad things. It was so easy to access and I want to cry from admitting that I watched it. This led to me to do some things to myself. I hate myself for that. I've only told two people, and one of them was a stranger. I met her on an online gaming site, and when the site closed down, we exchanged aim accounts. This eventually led to us exchanging phone numbers.

Let's call her Cassidy. After a year and a half of texting, she was like a best friend to me. But then, we got a little too personal. She was actually a depressed, suicidal teenager who cut herself. She made me think that cutting yourself was ok to do, so I did because I hated myself and my family situation. When Cassidy was happy, she was perverted as usual. In September 2009, I cut off communication with her. I dislike her and regret so much because of her.

(Right now, as I'm typing this, Julie is crying for some reason and it kills me to hear her cry).

I am now a very perverted, sad girl. But most of the time, my friends always put me in a good mood. I have everything I need to keep me occupied: a computer, television, videogames, iTouch, etc., so if I'm trapped in my room, I'm ok. I don't cut myself anymore, but I do become sad sometimes. Elise is going to college, and she feels horrible because if my dad isn't home and Julie has a tantrum, my mother might get hurt (I can't restrain her because Julie would throw an even bigger fit). My mother is the strongest person I know. She is sometimes trapped in Julie's room for hours for reasons I don't know, but still finds time to talk to me.

I feel I was abused because my family neglected me for half of a year by keeping me in my room, I am haunted with perverted memories, and I'm depressed sometimes. My mom wants me to go to therapy, but she doesn't know the things I've done, only how Julie has affected me. Thanks for reading my story.

**Please don't leave comments that say this wasn't abuse or anything hurtful**




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Amanda11

by Amanda
(California, USA)

In The Pool: 
When I was about only 9 years old me and my family visited our other family in the summer. At that time, I was what they called pure and had no idea what was sexual abuse or molesting. So we decided to go to the pool and play in the water. After a couple minutes me and my cousin started playing in deep end. He then started feeling me up and toying with my body parts. I was horrified and he just gave me a nasty smirk. I swam away really fast without another word and climbed up to go to the restroom. Then I knew something was wrong and now to this day I now know what he did was absolutely wrong. I have told no one except my bestest friends.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Paul1

by Paul
(Yorkshire, United Kingdom)

I had an older brother and for as long as i could remember it was him who looked after me. Our parents worked all the time and we basically only saw them at breakfast and that lasted maybe 30 minutes. We use to go on holiday together until my brother was considered old enough to be left home with me and they took holidays without us. Sometimes it was only for a couple of days other times it was for 3 or 4 weeks. Sometimes we did not see them from start of school holidays until school started again. We never wanted for anything while they were away, they always made sure there was plenty of food and money, they even paid bills like the paper or the milk in advance so nobody would bother us while they were away. You may think this is wrong but for us that was the norm and i cannot say my parents not being there was abusive. That is not the issue here and to be honest what i am about to write now i do not really consider abuse because i was happy. My brother on the other hand because he was older must have felt some sort of shame but he always seemed so cheerful. With our parents being away so much we grew close very close. It all started out quite innocent, i was about 11 i think and he must have been 14. We always shared a bed when our parents were away, guess somehow it made us feel better and at first that was it we were just 2 brothers sharing a bed.

I had an accident and hurt myself, i had fallen down and was crying my arm was bruised and i had a bump on my head which hurt like crazy. I remember curling up on the bed crying and my brother putting his arms around me telling me everything was alright kissing my head and just holding me. Eventually i stopped crying, him turning me to face him and asking if i was alright and that is when he kissed me, I remember it like it was yesterday. We basically kissed and cuddled all night until we fell asleep. Eventually over time it progress to something more but i am not going into details. This went on for some time, every time our parents went away we shared a bed but not as the 2 innocent brothers we once were. He used to tell me not to tell and to be honest i do not think i had any intention of telling anyone.

We stopped sleeping together when he started university and at first it was difficult. He would come home during the holidays and insist we slept in our own beds. Our parents would disappear off somewhere almost as soon as he walked through the door. I know my brother was not happy with himself, he would say it was wrong and constantly blame himself and no matter what i said helped. We started to drift apart and would keep ourselves to ourselves while our parents were away. I started fetching friends home for sleepovers and told him it was just that, Until he walked in on me and someone and blew his lid kicking my friend half naked out of the door. I went mad and told him he had no right and if i wanted to fetch boyfriends home i would. Well that did it, i had just told my brother i was gay in no uncertain terms and he just started blaming himself. He went back to university, my parents were home totally oblivious to what happens when they are away. I went back to school like normal and everything was fine.

My brother did not come home for that next holidays but my parents still went away anyway. I was old enough to be left on my own and did not really care, i thought my brother might have phoned but he never did, so it was not any different to any other time except that i was on my own but not all the time.

I think i had seen my brother maybe a dozen times in the last 7 years, only came home occasionally and not to stay. He was not a happy person, we were not the same brothers who fell in love with each other. I tried to help him and tell him we did nothing wrong but he would not stop blaming himself. I am 23 years old now, i have not seen my parents for 4 years ever since i told them i was gay. It is a year since i had seen my brother although i did still phone him and we would talk guess it was easier for him that way. Last time he said he really does love me. He would have been 26 this year instead i was at his funeral last month. My parents were away and i did not know were, so they were not there. I dont think they had any right to be anyway. I have no intention of seeing my parents any time soon, plus i am in a loving relationship with someone my own age. I want to do something more than just visit my brothers grave. My boyfriend keeps telling me i did nothing wrong just i used to tell my brother and if it was not for his support i think i could lose myself at the moment. Sometimes i wish i could turn back the clock. I think my brother blamed himself for me being gay and in his mind what we did together when we were younger was abuse and he thought of himself as the abuser. I never thought of it that way it was just something we did. Now he has gone i find myself thinking more and more about him. I just wish i could have helped him more.

I have never been ashamed of anything me and my brother did together until now and that is because i will not see him again. I am reading my own story and it sounds so wrong because we were brothers. Our parents threw us together and our love tore us apart. As i wrote earlier i have no intention of seeing my parents any time soon if ever. They do not know what me and my brother shared and i dont think they would care.

I suppose some of you are wondering why i decide to post this here. I am trying to understand my brother, his thoughts, his actions. My story seems out of context to the stories posted here. I was never hurt by my brother. although some people will think i was too young at the time to understand. I believe i did, from the moment it started to the moment when my brother started university and it ended.

The only thoughts going through my mind are what if my parents had been there for us both when we were growing up, would things have been different? I am not going to dismiss what we did, it is part of my life. There are far too many (what ifs) to go there. I loved my brother and i know he loved me but if a (what if) could fetch him back i would relive as many as it would take.




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Not Exactly a Child Abuse Story From Jessica13

by Jessica
(Canada)

When I was 9 years old my friend asked me to have sex with her (we are both girls) I said no but she continued to ask me everytime I went to her house and eventually I said yes... I guess I was curious and I wanted her to like me. We took off our clothes and rubbed our genitals on eachothers legs pretending we were having sex. After we did this I felt extremely guilty and knew it was wrong and didn't want to do it again. My friend made me promise not to tell anyone saying everyone would think we were bad and dirty and lesbians. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep because I felt so dirty and ashamed and guilty. I told my friend I wanted to tell my mom but she made me promise I wouldn't. She kept asking me to do it again and I kept saying yes. My body would enjoy it at the time but right after I would feel so bad and cry myself to sleep everynight. This went on for about a year until I moved and never saw my friend again. I never did tell anyone and I still feel guilty and ashamed about it. Sometimes I still cry about it. I am now 18 and have a boyfriend but whenever we do anything intimate these memories are brought back and I begin to feel dirty and guilty all over again. I don't think this is considered sexual abuse as my friend was the same age as me and was only a child herself. But I am still having trouble dealing with it and don't know where else to go for advice.




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Child Abuse Story From Kat

by Kat
(Ohio, USA)

When i was 5 1/2 my mom died. children services come and took my brother and 2sisters away because they said that my father could not raise his daugters because there is a high percentige of sexual abuse. they put us with an aunt then they took my older sister and i to another foster home together. they spilt my sister and me up she went to a very nice place. i went to a place that i thougth was nice it was for a little while.i was 6 years old when my foster dad first started to sexual abuse me it happened about 1 a week for about a year. i tryed to tell my foster mom once but she didn't get my clues but he did and it got worse for me. then they moved me agian to a very nice family but it did not last long.children services put me with family when i was 8 so i thougth every thing would be better. so i told my aunt what happened in the foster home but that was the biggest mistake that i made. she had a family meeting and told her family and her son sexual abuse me for 4 1/2 years. when i told her she called me an freaken lier her perfect child would not do anything like that. she washed my mouth out with soap and wooped me with a metal pancake turner.then i moved back with my father when i was 12 1/2 later that year i was raped by aguy who was 19 inever said anything to anyone about it i just keeped it to myself. all most ever year after that things happened to me. then when i was 17 my half brother raped me in room in my fathers while my father was down stairs. i nevver said anything about any of the abuse that i went through.but when i was 19 i fond the foster home family and wrote her a letter because when i was ther i fond out that they had3 girls and i did not wont them to go througth what i did. she wrote me and wonted to talk but she knew about it when she came because he told her that he new why i wanted to talk to her so he told her that he had sexual abused me and i didn't have to tell her. i am glad he did because i didn't know how i was going to.then i went to see a counsler when i was 37 years old i am still trying to figure it all out . istil fell ashamed and enbarest about it all but i am trying to get over these fealings it is very hard and it still hurts to think that some one can be so nast to children.i have tried very hard not to let my5 kids now go througth anything like i did!!!!!!




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Child Abuse Story From Tegan

by Tegan
(Location Undisclosed)

i am currently 17, and only 2 days ago found to courage to spreak out and tell the first person ever abut my story. tell you the truth a cannot remember much and its hard when i think about it. its like i just dont want to remember it.

it started as early as 4 or 5 and went on till i was about 7 when she moved out of home, my older sister who is about 7 years older than me sexually abused me almost every night, our rooms were very close and she use to make me stay in her bed and she would touch me and make me do things i didnt want to do.

also my brother who is about 2 years older than me was there and im not sre if she done it to him or if he was apart of the abuse against me,i just remeber he was in the bed sometimes.

its so hard for me to even think about it and i couldn't ever magin telling my mum as it was not her daughter it was my dads, with his 1st wife, and my dad would be devistated.
i now suffer from borderlne personality disrder and though i have not told my doctors about the abuse i believe it had caused me mental illness present!

well i dont really know what else to say....
thanks




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Child Abuse Story From Tiffany2

by Tiffany
(Michigan, USA)

My nights look like this

My nights look like this

I was very younge.and it lasted for years.around 5 to at least 10.it was horable.my uncle sexualy abused me.i didnt get it that he didnt do this to my sister.leaves me clueless.he'd rub me in oil, thouch me, and made me touch him.i get sick even thinking about it.it only happened at his house.he was married to my aunt at that time.hed do it when she was there.hed do it any where.then when i was 7 they had to move in with us.i cried when i found out.hed did it when my own parnets where home.but i couldnt get help.no matter how much i tried to say it wouldnt come out thats how much it hurt.when he stoped id cry in my room.alone for hours.when they moved to another country i cried.but this time it was of happieness.but when he huged he goodbye he grabed me in the wrongest way.then when he steped out the door he gave me a gross smile.i can still see it.hed smoke and drink coffie so his mouth was gross.it still hurts to talk about it.only my buddys know.im always in black.i try to blind in.i cant sit next to a guy.and i sit in my room alone to this day.i dont go outside that much.and my parents still dont know.im scared if i tell he'll come for me.he got aressted for milisting a 4 year old.i guase he like them younge.i hope he dies in there.at least we wernt related.but still i dont have dreams i have nightmares.i see those images from back then in my mined everynight.when i get up i cry.because in my dreams i feel that pain.and a little while later when i wake up.the worst part is that i had a chance to them when my parents asked me if he touched me.i got so scared i said no.i thought i could get over it but i know i cant.if i tell my aunt she'll be sad that i said nothing.so im 14 now but i still cry.my buddy knows a little of it.me i know how it feels.so when someone makes fun of another for this i stand up for thim.and then when i get home i cry some more.i even cryed blood a night he did that to me.he licked it off my face and continued.i cry so much still.but i'll get help,oneday.and the worst part when i look in the mirror i see it all.because he left scares on my face to prove that it was him.his name is CL and i am a victim.




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Child Abuse Story From Darrell

by Darrell
(Montana, USA)

I grew up in Columbia Falls, Montana in the sixties for the first thirteen years of my life. My mother was very young when she had her first child and came from a family where you just didnt talk about things. One thing we didnt have in our home was love. We had money, food, excellent clothing and a very nice home. Dad always worked very hard, so hard we only saw him when he was asleep on the couch, in a rage after one of us at the prompting of our mother or he was just plain drunk. Mom wasnt a patient person and beat me often. She would get so angry she would kick me down the 3 step back door landing and then down the 22 step basement stairway onto the cement floor below. This hurt so bad, I would lose conciousness and my head would buzz and I would find myself waking up under the stairs curled up in a ball. My little sister was allowed to lock my brother and I in our bedroom where we would have to stay all those hot summer days wondering why. One night my brother and I who had a room under my parents room in the basement, were restless and made noises. Dad came racing into the bedroom. Told us to strip and dragged us into the garage naked where we spent the cold winter night trying to stay warm. We found one of dads old workshirts in a box. then we found an innertube for a grader tire a huge machine. We curled up together to stay warm and the most insulting and humilating thing happened in the morning. The garbage man opened the garage door to get the garbage and just stood there staring at my brother and I who were naked and cold. He left the garbage, closed the door and left. Then the door between the house and the garage opened and Mom and Dad stood there laughing because they thought it was funny that we found something to keep warm in and were curled up together. These type of occurances went on for years. Funny thing was we had a policeman that lived just two houses down. Today i still have problems with women.




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Child Abuse Story From a Mother of Two

by Name Undisclosed
(Florida, USA)

Both my sons were sexually abused by their father. They believe I knew. I didn't!!! As soon as my youngest son told me, I divorced him. They will not tell me why they think I knew. They REALLY believe I knew. I don't know what to do...I feel so useless, so stupid. I don't know how to help my sons. One day at a time.




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Child Abuse Story From Unnamed Girl

by Name Undisclosed
(United Kingdom)

I was abused because I was born a daughter, and not a son. My father was ecstatic when my mother was pregnant with me. I was to be my fathers first born child, and he wanted nothing more than a son. unfortunately my mother gave birth to a daughter. And not just any daughter - a deaf and dumb one.

Yes, I was born with a hearing defect that led to no speech as would grow older. My father was irrate, he refused anything to do with me. They say a child cannot have memories from before they were a toddler - well they were wrong! I remember everything.

I was only a small child of perhaps two, barely walking, just stopping the crawling stage. My father would simply kick me to the floor and push me around with his foot, stepping on me to hear me cry. My grandfather would always seem to become animated and red faced, as did all the adults but my mother, who until i learned later was being abused also, in being unable to ask for help, lest something happen.

As I grew older, I was now four, I remember my bedroom was sealed from the outside. there was a metal grate - like an air ventilation grill on the bedroom door. There was always a plank of wood jammed underneath the door handle so there was no escape, no way to leave for the potty. My bedroom was small, unclean, unkempt with mould and mildew growing up the walls. As a child I remember clearly looking out the window onto the street and watching the world go by, wondering if all children were treated like me. I used to count cars, cars with lights at night, red cars, blue cars, green cars - that is all i saw as we lived on a main street.

One night the wooden plank that jammed the door handle closed wasn't there and I snuck out. I was hungry. My mother and I used to share a potted noodle snack for dinner. That was the only meal we were allowed to have, whereas my father would have a full dinner. My mother was anorexic, and would always allow me to eat more than her - but between two of us one small potted snack was never enough. That night I snuck downstairs to the kitchen and found the fridge where inside was a bowl of peach slices.

I popped peach slices in my mouth and drank the syrup greedily, standing in the glow of the fridge. My father came into the kitchen, red faced and very angry. He grabbed me by the hand and dragged me upstairs, where his belt came off. I shook my head repeatedly begging him not to hit me, as he tended to often whenever something never went his way at work, or he was in a bad mood.

He threw me across his knees and struck me, over and over. the more I cried, the harder he hit. My mother came in and i saw tears in her eyes, begging him, and signing to me that I shouldn't have touched daddies peaches. that they weren't mine. That was only one thing he would hit me for.

Other times my mother used to keep 5penny coins in a glass for me, and he would come home, and empty the glass for his special drinks, if I shook my head - I would get a beating.

When I was five Daddy took me out one day to his sisters, the children were allowed in the garden with sugary sweets. Me; I was in the house scrubbing dishes and floors, sobbing to myself.

Before My sixth birthday my mother and I were whisked into protection. I changed schools every six months, we moved homes every six months, and I would be special with a ride to and from school every day in a police car. There would be specialist people in the classes with me, and I learned later my mother had them too - turned out, a death threat was made because my mother had pleaded for help to a friend. and that friend was close to my father.

Mother was pregnant again, which caused some uproar with the local police. If my father had found out he would have not only taken my life, but the unborn baby brother too, just to be spiteful.

I never saw my father again, after that day. but My baby brother, who is now twenty-one speaks to him reularly after seeking him out at eighteen. Every day I tell him the same thing: If he asks about me, tell him nothing, If he wants to meet me, tell him no! If he wants to give me something, bin it! I want to hear no stories about him.

My brother never had the upbringing I did, and I would never wish it upon him, I would never wish it upon anyone. I dont know why it happened, I dont know if I was to blame, I just dont know why.

I learned as a young child to never cry - because it only caused more pain - I'm twenty-five now and I am unable to cry. tears will slip from my eyes, but you will hear nothing.

I cannot refer to him as 'father' but more 'that man' because I refuse to allow anything that would resemble love and family that tarnished to touch me ever again. Although I Know I can Never Let Go.




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Child Abuse Story From Lea1

by Lea
(USA)

Writing Off the Blood Line: 
My mother never talked badly about him, and always made sure I could form my own opinion of him. He may have been my father, but I wasn't very fond of him anyway. He had been in and out of my life and made his own impression on me. He was a scumbag. Throughout my life we were constantly playing this futile game of hide and seek. I wasn't one of those kids that never knew where my father was, because his mother used to tip me off and tell me. Then he and I would be in contact for a few months or so. After those few months, or usually even less, he was gone. It went on three or four times during my life. It sucked, because I really wanted him to give a s**t and change...but he never did. I guess in a way I expected too much...

He was always asking such shallow questions when he did come around. "How is school?" 'Erm, yeah. I finished school.' "Well, how was it when you went, and do you plan on going to college?" ...etc. It was so easy to tell that he didn't much care for deep talk. I wasn't about to bring up the emotional scarring he'd left behind. I remember when I finally wrote him off in cursive and sealed it with a kiss on the line. It was around the Christmas of '07. He sent me a Christmas card with no return address OR signature. I knew it was from him because of the location stamp; he was the only person I knew from Michigan at the time. He sent $100 inside, and that did NOT make up for what he hadn't done. I would have preferred he signed it, at least in manuscript than gotten all the money in his ability to give.

It started with ignoring him and stopping all communication, then I slowly decided to change my name. I was tired of bearing a last name that made me so angry and nauseous at the same time. Not only was my last name his, but my first name was his idea...and one that related back to an old drinking habit. So, I decided to write him off the best I could — I succeeded. I am changing BOTH names. I will be using a first name given to me by a friend, and my last name was taken from my great grandfather — he was a beautiful man, and once he died no one really carried his name that knew him well. So why not?

I'll never quite forget what my father did to me though. Some of me thinks if he came back, apologized, and asked for another chance I would forgive him and allow it. The other part of me knows I'd be a fool if I did so. I HAVE done so, and nothing changes. Yet, somehow I just keep hoping...I kept hoping that one day he would wake up and wonder how my mom is doing, or wonder how I am, or want to get to know me. Though, here I am years later and realize that is never going to happen. He always asked me why I called him a father, but the answer is obvious. He is my blood and therefore my father — however, he is NOT by any means a dad. He's never been there for me. All well, I have a step-dad who loves me...who is ACTUALLY a dad. So, I'm well off.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jaime1

by Jaime
(Florida, USA)

I never knew what real love was until I was 10 years old. When the state finally removed me from a women I only call my egg donor. My earliest memorys of cigarette burns, scars I carry til this day. Beatings with what she would refer to as good ole cordo which was an electrical cord that she cut the ends off so she could have a better grip when she beat me with it. It would be for infractions like not picking up my clothes, turning right side out, leaving the lights on in a room i was not in, not taking out the trash etc.

My last day of hell was like most,she was pist off cause her boss got on to her at work. I knew I needed to stay clear from her, so I went to tree fort outside. It must have been about 10 minutes she started yelling for my dog,I hadnt fed him yet,so off course he was barking and raising kane,she say why in the hell cant you ever do what your ?&in told she swung at me,with a clinched fist and hit me as hard as she could,I fell and hit the corner of the kitchen counter,she began th kick me,I tried to crawl away into the living room,to get way,she grabbed me by my hair,keep in mind she was 5"7 145-150 I was about 60 pounds wet,she dragged me to my room I knew what was coming next good ole cordo,she grabbed it out off the closet,me in one hand and cordo in the other,she threw me on the bed ripped my clothes off to my underwear and begun to beat me so badly I finally past out.The neighbor must have heard the screams,mine and hers and called the police,she left me there to die.

She was arrested for aggervated child abuse and given 18 months in prison,that was a real blow to my heart,Ill carry the scars both inside and out for life.I was lovely adobted by my dads knew wife.There were a lot off emotional ups and downs but she loved me threw it all,shes showed me what a loving mother really is,Ill always consider her the greatest gift god has ever given me.I love you H,my real mom.I do not speak to my egg donor,nor will I ever.




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Child Abuse Story From Emily6

by Emily
(Location Undisclosed)

My story is...differant. It stared out when I was 10 years old...My mom and me and my two brothers all lived in a three bedroom apartment. My dad and mom were divorced. Then eventaully came a time when my mom didn't have enough money to pay for all the bills. One of my brothers was fifteen but he couldn't get a job, because you see he has epilepsy. So imagine 1 mom, one child with epilepsy, and another boy that is 4 years old..then me...an 11 year old girl...I was the least of my moms concerns...So when my mom just couldn't pay everything...she went to the extremes and rented out one of our rooms...to a man. This man knew my mom for only half a year but my mom was so desperate she rented the room to him. Things were fine I guess...a little crowded but ok. but all things changed one day.

I was at the movies with a friend, and I called the guy,lets call him..J,to come pick me up,since i trusted him enough. When he arrived he asked if my friend needed a ride since she lived in the same apartments that we did. My friend acctepted. We were getting n the back seat when he told me to get in the front. I didn't think anything was wrong so I did. When i got in the front he stared driving. Then we came up to a red light. He stopped the car. His hand reached over and got under my shirt. I was a little confused. So I told him "No". He asked my "Why not"...and to be honest I couldn't think of reason at that time...I was panicking. So i just said "no because im eating" when I said that i pulled out some popcorn and started eating them.

But then again we came up to a red light. His hand came under my shirt and started touching my nipple. He stared squeezing it, and he stared rubbing my stomach. I was scared. I was mad. But most of all i was panacking. I mean I knew that what he was doing was WRONG!!! but I just didn't know what to do to stop it. When he kept doing that I got tired of it and told him I was going to the back seat. He told me that i couldn't just walk out and get in the back seat since the red light could turn green and secon, so instead I would have to go through the little space in between the two seats. I did. And when I did he smacked my butt. It was disgusting. My friend thought it was all a joke.

Reading my story now makes me wonder. When I read child abuse stories the victim always gets sadder and sadder, but it's differant in my case since I wouldn't get madder or sadder I just got stronger. I knew from that day on what to do if ANYONE else tried to do what he did to me. From that day one I became the leader of my life. I know what to do.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I know it wasn't that bad, and that what he could have done could have been a lot worse. And i suppose he did try again. Like on some days when he was "sad" he would try to get me to hug him "very tight". But I refused. Then came a time when he became desperate and started offering me money for a "kiss, or a hug". I even made a quote thing..."child molesters/rapists=DESPERATE MEN"

Now I am 14 and I like to say that im very responsible when it comes to my body and boys!

I am the leader.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Dorothy

by Dorothy
(Location Undisclosed)

A very confusing youth: 
I'm still very confused by the experiences of my childhood. I have suffered almost every form of abuse. I have many long, complicated stories (no wonder I couldn't tell them to impatient adults when I was young), so please bear with me.

I was 12 years old and home alone when the neighbor knocked on our door and asked if he could have a cup of coffee. He came around often and volunteered to fix things for free. My parents thought he was wonderful. I made him a cup and sat down at the table with my back to him. Suddenly he was petting me, I thought as if I were a dog, and I heard a zipper. I refused to look. He tried to make me touch him, but I wouldn't. So he rubbed it against my neck. I thought, is this rape? My mother had told me, "If you're ever raped, pretend you're enjoying it, because rape is an act of violence, and if the attacker thinks you're enjoying it - he'll get disappointed and leave." I failed -- I could only sit in terrified silence and recoil in disgust. I didn't know how to explain this to my parents, it was too strange in my young mind for words. I was grateful months later when his own daughter-in-law came forward saying he was exposing himself and groping her. His wife was expressing her disbelief to my mother. At last, I thought, they would have to believe two of us! So much easier this way, than to find the right opportunity and words to explain all this alone.

"I believe her," I said, "because he's doing the same thing to me!"

My mother scowled at me and said firmly, "That is a very serious accusation!" No more was said.

He repeated this abuse many more times as the years went on, sometimes with my parents sitting in the next room! I was conditioned to believe if I screamed I would be dismissed as just a silly little-miss-dramatic trying to get attention. When I was around 17 he let himself into our house one morning when I was home alone and surprised me in the kitchen where he decided to consummate his obsession with me and pinned me against my mother's cabinets. He was unfazed by my protests, telling me not to worry, I wouldn't get pregnant, he'd had a vasectomy.

When I was 21, his wife invited my mother and I for dinner, I wrongly assumed I'd be safe if I stayed in the room with her or my mom, but he managed to touch me several times when they weren't looking. The evening was like a game of chess to position myself within the ladies line of sight. After dinner, when he had finally left the room, his wife was chattering on to my mother about men, "I know he likes to look at the ladies, but my man would NEVER touch." So, I told her about his fondling and exhibitionism from when I was 12 up to that very hour.

"Well, if that were true, why didn't you say something years ago?" She said calmly.

I reminded her that I had...at the same time as her ex-daughter-in-law...at which point she began feverishly to polish everything within reach with her napkin, venomously calling me a liar (among other things), claiming I was jealous of her family and just wanted to destroy it. Now...I genuinely liked this woman, a bit naïve, but truly sweet - I actually felt sorry for her living with this letch, and I felt she had a right to know the truth about him. I could even understand her anger. But I will NEVER understand my mother's. We got into the car and my own mother, who witnessed my testimony and this woman's tirade on me and said nothing, chastised me for upsetting her. "I don't know why you had to bring that up after that lovely meal she made for us!"

She continued to have him as a guest and spoke fondly of him - as he had done so many nice favors for her. When I would remind her again that he'd done to me she would say, "Oh, I forgot!" And then forget again.

My father? When I told him he said, chuckling, "Oh, that man's name, he's a rascal!"

"No dad, he's a child molester!" Response -- silence.

I didn't tell them that he had actually raped me until I was in my 40s; I couldn't bear their denial of something so intrusive and frightening. I was surprised, my mother finally showed emotional support on my behalf. My father stared at his feet and said if he'd known back then maybe he could have done something. MAYBE? COULD? Even in retrospect he was non-committal, spineless and unemotional. Oh, rage he could do. My father punched me...and my mother and siblings (never another grown man). But, that's another long, complicated story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Sharky for My Baby Cousin

by Sharky
(Location Undisclosed)

I've never been abused, but I have a beautiful baby cousin who has been having a stormy time. I won't say what her name is for security reasons, but I will say that she is a little over a year old. I honestly don't know the full story, and I'm still not sure if I want to; it's so sad. But I do know that her stepfather is not a good person. Like I said, I don't know what he did to her, but I do know that he lied and told everyone that he had accidently dropped her in the bathroom and had fallen on top of her. My parents and I know that he was lying because my cousin's wounds did not agree with the wounds she would've had if it had actually happened that way. So, she was taken away to live with my aunt and uncle. During a court custody battle, her father won, but had not bothered to come up to get her. Finally, they decided that he wasn't a good guardian for her because he has a busy job or something, I don't know. Now my baby cousin has this thing in her stomach that doctors put there. What it's supposed to do, I don't know, but I thought it would be nosy if I asked. So, my aunt and uncle are her legal guardians until her mother proves that she can be a good mother for her. I'm hoping that if my cousin has to go back to her, then her mother will follow the rules and have nothing to do with the guy that was horrible to her. I myself blame her mother too, because from what I understand, people have been warning her, but she didn't listen. Because I live in a pretty big family, I've only seen her less than a dozen times, but each time I'm with her, I love her more and more. That's why I worry about her future. What if something else happens to her? What if her stepfather comes back, or what if her mother messes up? And, although she seems to be a happy baby now, how will this experience affect her when she grows up? I feel powerless to help her, and she's so innocent. She did not, in any way, deserve to be treated like that. And if that wasn't enough, some people from this agency or something (I think it was DHS or something like that) who came and picked her up from my aunt and uncle's house--and they took her to have the thing in her stomach replaced or something. What bugs me about that is that they didn't tell my aunt and uncle that they were doing it! They're her legal guardians, too. Which means that if something goes wrong with that, then they'll be held responsible. I want to at least make life for all of them a little easier, but I don't know how. And once she goes back to her mother (if she does), will we ever see her again? I just worry... I know that I can't help what may or may not happen in the future.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Stephanie3

by Stephanie
(Texas, USA)

My story isnt really solved yet, well at least thats what i think. i am 14 years old and i was sexualy abused at the age of 7. it wasnt by my family or a stranger it was by a girl 2 years older then me who was my 'friend'.

At first she was nice an once she got my moms trust, my mother left her an i alone in her apartment while my mom and hers went out for a walk. i wanted to play tea party, but she said no lets place house. she told me to get on the bed an asked me "what do mommy and daddy do in bed?" i was confused and she kissed my neck and made me do the same to her...we kissed but nothing else besides simple stuff. i was scared to tell anyone. to tell the truth i didnt even know it was wrong what had happened until a couple years later. i thought all kids did this and it was normal.

After my first experience with her, i had been harrassed by others. boys would sit me on their laps and comment on my breast as i grew into puberty. i lost trust in everyone an was completely an outcast. i talked to ppl but still i had low self esteem and didnt have alot of friends.

once i got into 8th grade i started comming out of my shell and making friends and finaly had the courage to date for the first time. i even had my first kiss with a boy, an not a girl.

i havent told anyone about my experience exept for one friend and my boyfriend whom is also best friend. i try to think that experience was so small, it cant be affecting me like other cases of abuse, but still. i get angry easily, emotions are wild. and i get jealous extremely fast. i dont trust anyone and i still feel isolated, i cling onto my bf. he understands and helps me through this. i have even got into cutting a couple times because i feel so alone. he is the only one i can talk to, an he doesnt think im crazy, instead he helps an stays with me after all the crap i put him through...i wanna change and get help but i dont know. maybe it wont matter after all these years.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jess1

by Jessica
(New Zealand)

When i was 8 (im 16 now) we lived in a neighbourhood were every one knew every one. my mum and dad were especialy close to the next door neighbours.when i was 8 mum and dad asked them if they would babysit me while they went out to dinner.that night i was sexually abuses repeatidly by the man who was 23 at the time (now 32). my parents are still in contact with this man and he still sees them on a regular basis.

i have only ever told one adult who i truley trust and she helps me through when ever i need some one.

i still dont feel right about myself after what this man has done 2 me but i feel it is a part of who i am and i just have 2 move on.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Taylor3

by Taylor
(USA)

My memory is a bit fuzzy but I will try to remember as much I can. When I was 5, I had a 13 year old neighbor. He was really mean to me. One time he told me that he wanted to play with me in his backyard. He said we were gonna play a fun game. We went under his porch. He told me to close my eyes and stand still. He pulled down my pants then stopped for a minute then told me to open my eyes. I looked down and his penis was sticking straight out. He told me that that was to be a lollipop and I would have to suck on it and rub it. I did that then he said that he was gonna stick the 'lollipop' inside of me and that I had to moan and say it feels good or he will kill me. He had a knife next to him. I don't really remember much after that except that I was really scared and it really hurt.

I've never told anyone this. I was kinda unsure if I really wanted to send this, but I feel kinda better now that I've told this story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Eva

by Eva
(USA)

I was not raised with my mother growing up. I always remembered seeing airplanes flying in the blue skies and thinking that today was the day she would come for me and when I was 13 it finally happened. My sisters and I no longer lived with my grandparents but now with my mom and step-father. At first he made passes at my older sister and my mom did not believe her. Then his eye was set on me. He molested me for about a year. What happened after was more difficult than the act itself. I felt that I was going crazy or would end up killing myself so I finally confided in my eldest sister. When he got arrested, I remember when I was being interviewed by the detectives one of them told me that I should not expect my mom to be supportive because most women side with the men, when he said that to me I remember thinking that he has no idea what he was talking about. I no longer lived with her and was now living with my sister and two days later she asked my sister to send me over because she wanted to talk to me. I couldn't wait, I knew what she was going to say in my mind the conversation went like this, "I'm so sorry that this happened to you, none of it was your fault, I will help you find someone to talk to and give you the support you need for us to move forward as a family, I LOVE YOU." INSTEAD it went like this "many people blame him but he's not the only one at fault you seduced my husband." My mom blamed me and told me so, I too now blamed myself that at now the age of 14 that maybe she was right maybe I dressed improper or did something that made him do this to me. She stayed with him even though he went to prison for many years and she waited for him even had a baby which is the same age as my first child. He didn't stay with her very long after and left her for another woman.

I'm 31 yrs. now and reading this blog I notice that I am still in this emotional turmoil that has become something so familiar. Now I'm the one standing in my way, the hardest thing is the guilt. I beat myself up all the time, thinking that I'm weak I allowed this to happen and go on as long as it did. I start things I don't finish, cut many friendships short when people get too close, always trying to analyze what people think of me which is always negative. I have on a permanent mask pretending that I'm happy with me but I don't recognize who the woman looking back in the mirror is. I now have three children, the youngest a baby and the extra pressure is difficult for me to deal with. The old me loved to be silly, love to have fun, laugh and now I'm serious the majority of the time. I'm allowing this to come into the relationships I have with my husband and children. For me being a child molestation SURVIVOR is one of guilt. This man has robbed me of my virginity, my self esteem, my relationship with not only myself, my mother and sisters, my high school experience, a loving relationship with my husband and children. Guilt is my feeling of comfort and familiarity. I know I must move on, the choice is now mine to make and must not allow this man to rob me anymore but I don't know how. I finally realize that I need to talk to someone I've always thought that I was OK but now I know I must get some professional help I don't have health insurance, I tried my local abuse groups but I didn't like it because it felt unproductive a group of survivors talking about their experiences with a non professional but a college student, not talking about coping skills or ways to let go and move forward and that is what I need right now. How do I sift through all the negative feelings and move on I need to do that for me my children and husband, how can I love them if I don't love me, if I don't even know me.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jen4

by Jen
(Orlando, Florida, USA)

I was 6 when the abuse started happening. My mom died from breast cancer when I was 5. After she died, I went to live with my real father. I barely ever talked to him, but I had no where else to live and he offered to take me in. He lived with a roommate whom I never liked. About 4 weeks after me living there, his roommate took me into his room and told me to sit on the bed, I did so since he was much older than I was, and he was the only one home. He then went to his computer which was in the same room. He proceeded to look up porn and play with himself. I tried to leave but he told me to stay and that everything was going to be okay. I sat there with my eyes closed waiting for my father to come home from work. A few moments later he got up and sat next to me, at this time he was now nude. He grabbed my hand to make me touch him. I heard my father come in down stairs and he immediately shoved me out of his room. I was so confused, I had no idea what just happened until later on in my room I realized what did happen, I cried myself to sleep.

I was way too afraid to tell anybody. His roommate didn't do anything for a long time. I let my guard down. On my 9th birthday, we went to Chuck e Cheese with my Father, his roommate, and two of my cousins. I remember him taking me to the bathroom, when I never told anybody I had to go. He took me into the little girls room and touched me and stuck his fingers in my mouth. He then told me if I told anybody that he would hurt me.

When we got home that same night, my father had fallen asleep on the couch while me and him were watching tv together. When my show was over I went up to the bathroom. I heard a knock on the door a few minutes after I was in there, then 'he' walked in. My fathers roommate. He shut the door and locked it. He told me to clean myself up and finish up. I did so then got off of the toilet. At that point I was very nervous and scared, and knew he was going to do something, but I didn't know what. He picked me up and threw my on the counter. He pulled down my pants and put himself inside me and I yelled. He covered my mouth and slammed my head into the mirror and told me to "Shut the f*** up." We were in the bathroom for what seemed like an eternity. I cried and cried and cried while he was raping me, and then he stopped. He pulled up his pants, and left the room. I sat in the bathroom for hours, just laying on the floor crying. I finally got up, cleaned all my blood off of myself, and went to bed.

He continued raping me until I was about 14.

One night, my dad went out on a date with a new girlfriend, and said he'd be home late. My fathers roommate had me on the couch and was abusing me and raping me, telling me I was worthless, and no guy would ever want me, telling me he was my future. That moment, my father walked through the door. It felt like a horror movie, everyone got quiet for a second. My father was stunned. He was fuming, in a rage, he sent me to my room. Which made me feel like it was my fault. I heard them fighting, mostly my dad screaming and raging. I heard my dads new girlfriend screaming with horror. I walked downstairs after everything got quiet. I saw my fathers roommate beaten to a bloodly pulp on the floor. He was unconscious. My dad was on the phone with the police. At that moment, I felt a release come up off of me. I knew it was over. I knew everything was going to be okay. Man, was I wrong.

The police took me out of my fathers care and placed me into a foster home. Apparently it wasn't a safe environment. At the time, I thought it was crap. I look back now and realize it was an unhealthy environment for any child or person to be living in.

The first night I was with my foster family, their only child, whom was their son, was I believe 18. After everyone went to bed, I was in my new room. Crying cause of everything. He came in, and comforted me. He then stripped me down and raped me. I felt betrayed, hurt, used and very very sad. He told me if he ever told anybody, especially his parents, that I would never see the light of day again. I'll never forget his cold words that night. They sent shivers down my back.

The next night, I ran away. I walked out the front door with nothing but the clothes on my back. I'm 14, I have nowhere to go, no money, nothing. I ran, literally, just ran. I didn't know the town, nobody in it. So I was scared cause it was late at night.

I will finish some other time, I'm getting very upset at the moment. I'm sorry I couldn't finish.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Taylor4

by Taylor
(Location Undisclosed)

My poem/song/rap thingy of my story: 
Sitting in bed late at night I start to wonder about the past thinking if it was actually trauma the memories they're now all starting to come together the pain the touch the feel and whatever went further overwhelmed I sit and wait it takes it's time until it is over it feels so real but when it happens I feel so small what if I'm wrong what if I just made it up for some drama what if I'm right would it be my fault if I had liked it a little girl in the hands of a monster who tormented her lovingly held her down in the bed and made her orgasm hatefully she told her body she was sick and gross for having a sex reaction when she was scared and felt that she was being forcibly taken I hid the fact for all these years of its actuality now what would happen if I saw the face that had attacked me it didn't seem real it doesn't seem right I need to be wrong there are no facts to prove it maybe I was gone far too gone to realize what was happening far too gone to understand what it would do but that couldn't be it because I saw something else too I saw what he made me do it was wrong and disgusting rubbing and rubbing until he got off it was disgusting me out of my mind and it still does today I try to fake it away and pretend that it never happened I try to never look up at the face of my attacker because the similarities are driving me crazy I need a drink of water because every time I see it I think of my own father lies it's all lies no it couldn't be true but how off am I because he raped my mom too.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Vanessa K

by Vanessa K
(Chicago, Illinois, USA)

I want to share some thoughts and my experience with you. I believe mine is not as extreme but it still is becoming worse as I grow older turning 29 this year and it being very tough to start already.

I guess I will just start from the beginning. When I was 6 years old I was taken away from my birth mother and step father from DCFS in Chicago IL. I remember the day so clear even being so young. I was outside playing and a police woman walked up to me, I was alone in back area of apartment. I knew my mother was not home she and her boyfriend went out and left my brother locked in a closet and me outside. I didn't know what to say to the police lady I didn't want to get in trouble even to this day I remember the feeling of relief when she was asking me questions. I knew they would take me and my brother away and we wouldn't have to deal with my mom's boyfriend who supported us she did not work and had many issues never hurt me or my brother just allowed it to always happen with fear of being thrown out on the streets and nowhere to go her family clearly did not want her.

The police broke the doors down in the apartment that day and carried my brother out who didn't weigh more than 50lbs. As the police began talking with me they kept asking questions and my mother finally showed up and I even remember what she was wearing and the sad look on her face she knew they were taking us and they did. We went to DCFS and they began the process of finding a home for us with harder to have people take in two children I begged them to not separate us. They found a nice home for us and we bounced around a bit my birth father no longer was involved in our lives he had remarried and had more children. He would come in and out but never wanted to take us from DCFS or bring us to his home. I did my best to understand it all being so young trying to stay strong for my brother who really got abused bad locked up hit much worse and treated like a dog. I was more emotional until I grew older and things became much worse.

We eventually moved in with my aunt who I was told that we had to lie because really my grandma was supposed to have custody of us but worked a lot and I know they wanted the check from the state of IL for us. It was only about that for them life a bit better there I guess not much. My brother was still treated bad he was a hyper boy with little love. They would lock him up as well and he was involved in a fire at 7 years old that burned him bad his bedroom was locked he couldn't get out and it was in the middle of the night. After years of all this my mother won custody when I turned 11 and in the mean time she married the man who abused us and had a child with him and then was pregnant again.

When we returned much didn't change if anything. Her husband would use words of hurt that were so mean that even a dog shouldn't be treated this way. He would put us and mother down so bad it was miserable every night she would get him ready for work trying to please him so he wouldn't explode with names to her or us. I feared him in such a way no one will ever know the damage he has done to my soul and heart. He made mother's life so miserable and I never said a word I didn't want my little sister and little brother have to be taken away. I knew that life and how it made me feel and it changed me as a person.

He began to do inappropriate things as well, to this day people do not believe me but I am not lying he touched things that he shouldn't have. This is when I knew things where becoming too much. I avoided him at all costs sailing through my teen years taking the mental abuse and ignoring him. I knew one day I would take care of myself and no longer would have to deal with it. He would never give me money for school or take me to drive or give me rides when I wanted to join after school events. My mother was not able to drive she never has. I just went through those years the best I could watching other kids and didn't understand why this was happening to us. I felt so bad for my mother who was a good wife and mother he treated her like a slave and cheated on her and ruined her children wasn't it enough already. He is evil and will never understand what he did never.

My breaking point was age 17 it was September I had just started my senior year no one ever asked me about college no one asked what I wanted to be. He told me I would end up like my mother nothing and probably pregnant and that when I was 18 I had to get out. I began to panic not knowing where to go doing just OK in school no work skills I dated older guys and I met a guy. He was sweet only a couple years older and he always took care of me.

We went to the Hanover Park Harvest fest it was a hot day it was all of us. My stepfather began yelling at my mom on the ride home saying she was flirting and being so mean to her saying the C word and would talk so bad I felt so bad for her I cant even explain it. I was beginning to stick up for myself and my mother and I said something and he made me walk home when we got home he had her pinned in the bathroom of threatening her and pushing her around mind you my mother is 110lbs a little thing. I told him to take his hands off of her he didn't like that he said she is my wife I will do as I please. I said she is my mother and my BLOOD leave her alone, as he walked over to me I knew that was it he was going to beat me he punched me dead in the face and I fell to the ground and he began kicking me and then his grandma walked in I will never forget her face and she yelled take your hands off that girl. I moved out 2 weeks later with a box of clothes and nothing no one stopped me no one cared I finished high school. The guy I was seeing taught me to drive and I got a job.

I still have a hard time to this day and issues are coming worse I have anger hurt feelings of why I cant last with anyone I cant feel love I have no idea what it is like to be truly happy. I am doing my best to cope with all of it I know I must fix me for me he will get his one day at the gates and I hope he reads this one day.

The detail is light in my story I do not like going back to these days but I must share this story for my emotional health I want to love someone and I hope to have a family but I am not sure I can.

I work and maintain the best I can I am heal in progress, I work on it everyday I have good friends in my life and myself.

Thank you for taking time to read this. My abuser resides happily in Bartlett IL

Vanessa K
Chicago, IL




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

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Child Abuse Story From Sydney

by Sydney
(USA)

My dad used to have a friend who we used to hang out with all the time. He seemed like a normal guy. He had a wife and two sons so I never expected anything bad from him. We had known them for a long time. We knew them when we lived in New Mexico and they moved with us when we came to Arizona. I was already 5 when the incident happened. I am now 14. I didn't know about sex or anything. I was so innocent. I have two brothers who are both older than me. They were in the room when all of this happened. I remember it all so well. My brothers were playing play station with his two sons. I was sitting on the edge of the bed when he came in. My parents were in the other room. My brothers were so enveloped by their game they didn't notice him come in. I can't exactly remember but somehow he ended up tickling me. I was laughing and i thought that this was completely normal. But then...he started moving down and fingering me. It hurt a lot because he was doing it so violently. It didnt'r tickle and i wished my parents were there. I remember these words, "Does it tickle? Does it feel good?" I was so scared that he would hurt me more if i said no. So I said that it felt good even though it didn't. My mom walked in but he was already pulling away. I forgot all about it until my mom brought it up a few days later and started asking me if he had touched me innapropriately. I kept denying it. I felt bad and I didn't want him to have to leave his family. My mom believed me after so long. I wish that I had told her the truth then. I wish he was in jail. They moved back to New Mexico a short while after and we never talked to them again. I shutter to think he's still out there. I had a nightmare once that he chased me around a locker room and molested me. I hate what he did and how he ruined my childhood. Thank you for reading my story<3.




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Child Abuse Story From Rhona

by Rhona
(Scotland, United Kingdom)


I was blamed for dad's death, treated like I was the wickedest b***h and that they'd had the perfect life before I came along and I didn't belong and I deserved abuse and that I was fair game. I should just accept that I was evil and that God would hate me because we're working class and that I'm fat, ugly, stupid, spiteful, vindictive, envious, unpleasant and so on.

I was always compared to others, especially a spoilt, revolting cousin called, and mother enjoyed humiliating me in front of her in particular. I was bullied partly because of disability and that was my fault too. if I walked normally and not like a spastic they'd like me, but they wouldn't because I'm fat, stupid, ugly and a complete waste of space.

I was also dragged into mother's battles with my cousin's mother, which she probably started, and needless to say, I was never asked whether I wanted to be part of this. my clothes were picked by mother, and she told my cousin that I picked them. they were elderly. imagine a teenager in 'granny's' clothes. apparently it was my fault, because I 'picked my own clothes and should have more taste' I was kept from people who would tell me otherwise, any achievements were disparaged or used in her battle with my cousin's mother.

the worst thing was that all the times I spent in hospital when I was wee was my fault, that I did it on purpose to spite her. I used to wet the bed, which turned out to be 100% physical, and she enjoyed humiliating me about that too.

I now have mental health problems, probably bi-polar, and extreme anxiety, especially about being smelly.

my only saving grace now is that mother's dead. I started writing when I first heard of Nick Drake, and one of his songs has been a revelation to me - Imagine being told for the first time that it's ok to be you. - 'yes, be what you'll be...' no doubt mother would claim that he would never mean me, and that he'd hate me on sight because I'm working class and that I'm getting stupid ideas. no. Nick's been a great help (indirectly of course) especially when I've been close to 'joining him'.

I've a long way to go. I still struggle with the legacy of this treatment and although I've moved on slightly, I am still full of self-loathing at times. It's worse because one of my symptoms is hearing voices and one of them is mother's. no one believes that she was like that, and if they did 'I deserved it'




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Child Abuse Story From Teresa K

by Teresa K
(Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada)

"In addition to distorting children's thoughts, abuse also forces children into a position of having to "hide the family secret". This prevents children from having real relationships and has life-long effects. And because our ability to form healthy social relationships is learned, abused children are deprived of many skills necessary to navigate the social world. Their entire concept of a relationship is distorted. This leads to problematic relationships in life and even on the job." Quote

A clear, concise, logical, statement on how abuse and neglect affect the victim. Clean, neat and wrapped up in a nice shiny paper. It is very easy to understand unless you’ve been there. Unless you’ve been the child hungry, cold, tortured, beaten, bullied and molested. You begin to think that you are insane because no one will admit that it’s happening. No one wants to know what’s happening to you. They turn their eyes away. The feelings of fear, shame, degradation and humiliation are unbearable.
From the time I was 3 or 4 years old I can remember being hungry. The only time anyone touched me was to strike me. Beatings sometimes left me unable to stand. Some beatings left me with dizzy spells and running diahrea (stomach injury?).

I was unable to wear a pair of shorts or a tank top because the bruises would show. Sometimes my mother would lock me in the house. She was afraid that someone would see. Not that it would matter. No one could have misunderstood the condition that I was in. They just didn’t care. Hide the family secret? What for. It was out in the open. No one wanted to touch it, or me. I was alone.

Physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse as well as out and out torture. My life was a cycle of being beaten and abused at home and then bullied and abused at school. There was no escape. No one cared. The teachers just stood back and watched. I was alone.




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Child Abuse Story From Talia

by Talia
(New Zealand)

Im 15 almost 16. When i was 9 my mum broke up with her long term boyfriend of 7 years... Thats when every thing went down hill. Mum was really depressed for days, she would lie in bed and call in sick to work, soon she started to yell at me for no reason, making things up as she went along. I became the carer for the house, it was up to me to do the dishes, do the washing, everything. When people came around mum would lock me in my room until they left, i was left in there for two days once because a 'boyfriend' came around. When her friends left she would drag me out of my romm and scream at me and hit me. over the last six years mum has had nine partners and everytime they break up i get blamed. this had been apart of my life for years, i went through the rest of primary and all of intermediate with a notion in my head that i was ugly, fat, useless, worthless and a mistake. I have gone most of my life having NO friends, NO ONE i could trust and i thought NO way out. in my first year of high school i made my first friend in five years and it was awesome, we became inseperable. The only problem was i could NEVER invited her over because i did not trust what my mum would do. In the end i told my BFFL the reason why she couldn't come over. Straight away she dragged me out of school and we went to her house, she made me tell her mum. The most embarrassing thing was i had to show her my scars and my bruises. i felt so degraded. I am now looking at places to live close to my school and i am slowly moving on. all thanks to my BFFL i can finally move on.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Tammi

by Tammi
(Location Undisclosed)

Back in the late 90's before my mom remarried, my mom was looking for someone to share her life with. She had a hotline mailbox on this one phone number. And, while she had it she got a message from a guy that lived in Indiana. She thought he was the nicest guy she ever heard from before since all her last boyfriends were losers anyway. So anyway, the two of them got to talking and, he asked if her and I would like to come to where he lived and live with him. Well, my mother being naive as she is decided without talking to me about it that she would bring me to IN with her. I looked to her and "Mom, I have a bad feeling about all this. Maybe we shouldnt go." My mom replied " Tammi, trust me." I rolled my eyes at her but before I could reply, she already made arrangments with Grayhound bus to take a trip to Indiana. While we were on the bus I looked to her and "Mom, I wanna go home. I have a really bad feeling about this guy." But she just put her hand over mine and replied "Tammi, we are going home. And just give this guy a chance." And that was the rest of the conversation till we hit Cleveland, Ohio. In Cleveland, had to wait a long time utill our bus arrived. And I was so tired that I fell asleep on the floor using our baggage for a pillow. Then about 12:30am, we finally got back on the bus to finish our journey to Indiana.

When we got to Indiana; E and his mother were at the station waiting for us. My mom went up to him and said "I am B.A. (full name removed in order to ensure anonymity and privacy), and this is my daughter Tammi." as she pointed to me, waved to me and a very very cheesy smile on his face. The kind that says "Oh you have a child?" But, after a few mins of introduction, we got in the Minivan, and headed to the aptartment. When the 4 of us got to the aptartment, we sat down and chatted a little before bed. That is when the s**t hit the fan. The next morning, E was acting a little bit wierd towards me. I told my mom and she just said nothing is wrong. But, I was young and I could have believe anything. So, anyway The beginning of school started the next day, and I was getting ready for a bath when, E said he would give me a bath since supposeivly my mom wasnt feeling well to do it. In my bath, E would try as he could to get soap in my eyes. After the bath, it was time for bed. Mind you My mom, E, and I shared the living room as a bedroom since, the aptartment was a 1 Bedroom aptartment. And I wasnt even fully asleep when him and my mom started to do strange things such as: talking strange, ect.

But, the next morning I woke up and I got dressed, got into the van, and went to school. And, my mom was always there. One day, I saw the van approching, and when it stopped in front of me, I opened the door and to my surprise my mom wasnt there. I looked at him and asked " Wheres my mom?" He didnt look at me and had this bad additude with me "She is at home not feeling well, and asked me to come and pick you up." he replied very strangely. I knew something was going on but, I went to go get in back of the van, he stopped me and suggested I sit up front with him. So, I did and then we left the school parking lot. We were like 30 minutes away from the house when, I noticed that his hand was on my knee. I pushed his hand off and he put it back. Then he started to drive very crazy. I looked to him and asked him to slow down I knew it was a BAD idea cuz, he started yelling at me and slapping my knee as hard as he could. Then when I started to cry, he got even madder. I yelled "I WANT OUT!! I WANT OUT!!" "You want out? FINE! get out!" and he pushed open the door, and almost forced me out. But, I grabbed his hand and bite it as hard as I could.

When we got to the apartment complex, I opened the door as fast as I could, and ran as fast as I could to the apartment screaming "SOMEONE HELP! HE IS GONNA KILL ME!!" All the way to our apartment. When I opened the door to our apartment, I sat down next to my mom weaping. About a feery very w seconds after, he came storming into the place and came over to where I was with my mom, and started hitting no no no punching my back. My mom saw it tried to stop him, but he wouldnt.

That night, I had a hard time sleeping and I started to cry cause I couldnt sleep. So, what did he do? He took me off the couch, and put a pillow over my head, and made me black out, while I was out cold, he must of punched me in the eye cause the next morning I woke up with a black eye. Skipping to when my mom got a job working the graveyard shift at the nearest cemetery, him and I were waiting for her to get off of work, and I had a thing of soda next to me, and about a few minutes after I drank it, I was out cold. The next morning, I woke up very sore. And when I went to the restroom, I noticed when I wiped I had blood on my bottom. I wanted to tell my mom, but, I knew she would think I was trying to break them up. So I kept it to myself. Till Now....
That is all I remember.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jan

by Jan
(Arlington, Texas, USA)

When i was five i was so innocent i didnt know what sex was.I didnt suspect it even exsisted.My older half brother took me to his room to play with me.he would sexually abuse me and told me if i were quiet and didnt scream who would give me candy.i would tell him it hurts.but i didnt know what was going on.i grew up becoming more rebelious.i held gruges against guys.when i was 12 one of my dad's uncle put his hands on me.my dad was a pastor in massachusetts.and this 64 year old woman would critizes us for playing around and would critizes me for being too serious and never smiling.than her 35 year old son tried to get his hands on me.i felt dirty and guilty.especailly after i found out what was done to me when i was 5.when i told my parent i was 18 yrs.my mom than asked me why i never told her?and i answered well what was i supposed to say.i didnt know what it was or what it was called

but i do remember what he did.all those images and horror memories had always tormented me and than even more when i had scince of what it was called,rape.but it made me feel guilty even when i didnt know what it was.i'm still affected by all that sexaul abuse that went on.i'm scared of guys of relationships of marriage.i'm scared to go out alone.sometimes i feel so ugly unworthy but most of all scared.i see any man i dont know when walking even with my little sister and i feel so scared i get ready to hit him if he gets near my sister or me.i'm embarrassed of what happened to me.i like guys,but i'm scared of them.i dont want to get married and i refuse to be controlled in ANY WAY by any guy.i know i need a psychologist but my parents dont believe me.worst of all i dont get along with me self because i have the worst arritude because somehow i feel i have to be defensive to scare everyone away.so that they wont hurt me.i dont know what to do.i cant pay for a psychologist i dont have the money but im screaming inside for help




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Child Abuse Story From Ashley7

by Ashley
(South Carolina, USA)

Rather had no father – fatherless: 
I have been mentally abused since I can remember. My dad mentally abused me and my sister, and even physically abused us at times. Ever since we were old enough to remember, my dad would literally cuss us out as if we were his worse enemies. He would call us b***hes, f***ers, whatever came to mind-how could anyone talk to two little girls like that? He would whip us or cuss us out if we looked at him the wrong way, u just never knew what kind of mood he would be in. He would calls us b***hes and say that he never cared if we talked to him again. I even remember drinking the last of the orange kool-aid one day, and he called me a greedy mutha f***er to my face. He was a complete bully, noone has treated me worse then he has. He would also smack us in the face, and whip us for anything that annoyed him. I remember my sister being 10, and him cussing her out because she couldn't help him move a 200lb sofa, she had bruises on her arm from him making her move this with him afterwards. He even took his shoe off and hit her in the face with it-he hated us. We hated him. I now even have faint memories of him telling me and my sis that we could touch his private part, and he made sexual comments toward us also-like telling my sis how big her breast had gotten, he even made a competition between us when were little about how much pubic hair we had growing, my sister showed hers, but I knew this was nothing that I should have been showing. How could he treat us like that? My mom was so clueless and she still is. I am now 23 and my sister is 26, and it is as if all this happened yesterday, he was cruel-I hate him. For any child going through this, tell the closest adult who will listen if you are scared-please! Maybe if me and my sis had he would not still be married to my mom-please do not let someone shatter you, noone is worth your self esteem, confidence, or your future. Some people just were not meant to have kids. Unfortuantly any a**hole can have children, but you should not have to pay for it-get help, someone cares, even if it is a school official. You do not deserve to feel anyway uncomftorable, emotionally or physically, especially under your own roof. People talk about physical abuse alot but emotional can be just as bad-physical scars can go away, but there is no cure for emotional scars, it is just something that you always have to carry even though it is invisable, it just lingers with you like a dark cloud and like a stomach ache that you just can not get rid of. People talk about how bad it is to not have a father, but I believe that it is worse to have one there who doesn't want to be there and who emotionally and physially scars you; that is just my opinion-but of course I do have a reason to be biased




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Child Abuse Story From Jennie

by Jennie
(Duluth, Georgia, USA)

Suffering in silence: 
I'm living in Domestic violence , and have been for some time now , both of my parents my mother and my stepdad emotionally and verbally abuse me i just read from victory to victory but not the e-book itself but just what's on the that lady's website, and yup that too is what is happening to me at this time, some days are good but other days are not but one thing is true , but i know in my own life it is ,and that is i always feel like i am walking on eggshells, i have done so much research on the topic of abuse and i've learned that abuse whatever the abuse may sadly be, it is a form of violence, both my parents will always say oh i wish that there were more of you because you are special and your this your that and then they both the next minute be telling me that i have no choices and your retarded and you know just constant labelling and insults and threats, i cry every day with anger mixed in and i love peace i don't like violence, no one should think they they have the right to control another person and overcontrol it isn't love and both parents seem to use those words not in a loving way but as a weapon, like they tell me everyday i love you i love you but i'm going to be incharge of planning out your life and that to me is barbareric, well theres more to my true accounts but i thought it could to share a little of my story too. sigh. i too am an adult and all i want to do but what i need to do for my emotional sanity and well being is to just be brave and say enough is enough stop emotionally abusing me as well as verbally please if there is anyone out there who can legally help me , my god it seems that i'm getting no where with legal aid and my parents as well give me limited money too and i feel as though all i seem to be doing around here is working, slaving, but i will leave you with this very disturbing cold act that my mother did to me, the other day i was pouring my heart out to her and crying so hard and not once during that conversation did she get up from her side of her bed to come over to me and comfort me :( the only thing she did was sit there with the most unloving feeling and with the coldest heart.i want someone to plz plz help me plzzz i need legal help asap this has gone on wayyy to long and i dont want to live here in this situation nor in this apartment with them any longer than i have to. thank you for taking the time to read this. thank you.




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Child Abuse Story From Brittney1

by Brittney
(Location Undisclosed)

Throughout my entire childhood until the age of 15 I was either physically, emotionally, or sexually abused or neglected. Sometimes it was just one of these types of abuses or they wre multiple types.

My first memory of abuse was when i was aout 3 yrs old. A man was holding me (i am guessing he was a family friend since my mom would allow him in contact with him). Well what happened was he touched me inappropriately. Thats all of that memory. Also, i believ that i do have repressed memories of further sexual abuse because in kindergarten i was a very premiscous, flirty girl, and i also knew what sex was. During the ages of my earlist memories to about 7/8 i have awful memories of my father abusing my mother(physically).Occasionally he would also hit me but just on his moods. Also both my parents did have a drug abuse problem so i was neglected for some of more most basic emotinal needs and food/shelter wise. I hopped from apartment to apartment. Changing schools continuoselly. Never learning how to establish relationships with friends. My brother and sister now would always emotionally abuse me further by calling me names. My brother would leave me going to school with black eyes and other bruises. I was in and out of Child Haven. Both my parents were in and out of jail. Now at the age of 8 i DECIDED to not talk to my dad anymore. I lived with my mother and her boyfriend. This is when i get sexually abused fro 2 years. I would go to school in physical pain, i was overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety. I was even at the point of making plans about what would happen if i were to get pregnant. Ironically the monster harmed me so much that i will have difficult getting pregnat later in life annd will probably have a high risked pregnancy(i got this from the drs report). Then i finally told my mom a little b4 i was going to turn 10. I thought it was going to be all over finally but nope. Yes he did go to prison, a 20 yr sentence, made me so happy! But then a few weeks later she went to prison because my abuser accused her of knowing about it and even partcipating! which did not occur! Then i was in Child Haven and my dad got me and my 2 siblings. He was living with his girlfriend. Which to metion she was a drug abuser and a prostitute. My first birthday with my dad he forgot about it which just made me even more emotinally damged. He was very neglectful. I was in horrid living conditions. He abused drugs, drugs were laying all over the 'home'. He would have his drug friends as i called them to come over to the home. I soon got used to this. My brother continually physically abused me i always had redmarks all over me. He would shoot me with bebe guns, hit me with metal bars, throw cds at me, and lock me outside of my home. Then when i was around 13 my dad started kicking me out of the house. One night when i was walking(thats what i did whenever i was kicked out for the night) i was raped. Also his girlfriend tried to get me on drugs, luckily i never did! Then right before the age of 15 my dad completelt abandoned me in our apartment. he left and didnt return. The landlord came and was telling me i had only 24 hrs to get out. So i called my sister and moved in with her that lasted only a year. And now im 16 living with my aunt. Which now the abuse has stopepd and i can enjoy the last 2 years of my childhood. I am so thankful to them!

Even though i had to endure through all of this abuse i did come out of it with PTSD and some anxiety , But overall i am a success. This is because I am an A student in a magnet school called IB(international baccaleaurte) with perfect attendance. Also i have goals of becoming a trauma surgeon. Thanks for reading my story. My goal with telling it is that hopefully someone who has also endured abuse and hardship can also realize that their life is not ruined but instead will make them a stronger person! Because i sure know that i would not be the individual today without my experiences!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Victoria3

by Victoria
(Tucson, Arizona, USA)

I had a great childhood, up until I was 7. My dad died when I was 7. We then had to move 5 times in 2 years. Then a year later my mom met this guy J. He was the father of my friend M, i met her before my dad died. I never really liked J, but he used to take me to the desert to hunt for bugs and animals, I thought it was fun! But then, my mom and him started getting in fights. The first time they got in a fight, my mom fainted in her bathroom. The fights got worse. I was always so scared because he yells loud, and I was afraid that he would hurt my mother physically. He always threathened to kill her, my dogs, my grandma and grandpa, my brother, sister, and me. I remember my sister and I were in my room playing with barbies and he came in and he was angry because my mom and him got into a fight and he called me a lesbian. I didn't even know what that ment. another time my mom was downstairs and he was watching porn, but i didn't know then he called me in the room and I saw a couple seconds of it, i was disgusted. He was laughing. He was an alcoholic, and a drug addict. One time we were all watching tv and he was doing drugs right in front of us. Another time i was putting dishes away from the dish washer and i was young(about 9) and too short to reach the cubbords so i had to climb up on the counter to put the plates away and I lost my ballance and fell off onto my back. I was in pain and John said "You're faking it so you wont have to put away dishes!" and he yelled at me and made me keep putting them away even though i was hurt. And my moms and his fights got worse, they were daily. He always stole things from us, broke things, lied to my mother constantly. He was completely opposite from my dad. I'm 14 now and about over a year ago, They got in a huge fight and J ended up slapping my mother. my brother heard and ran to my moms room and J and My brother were screaming their heads off, I was crying and so afraid, i ran to my brothers room and called 911, but J left before they came. My mom's still with him to this day. She's even at his appartment right now. I've been masterbating since I was 8 and I'm not sure if it has to do with any of this. I'm angry at everyone, except my real dad. But i'm angry at my mom for staying with him for all these years. She couldn't get rid of him for her childrens sake. My childhood is ruined. I have no good memories. She said she stays with him because she says it's like an addiction and she says she always believes she can help him, save him. It's been 6 years since she met him, and he hasn't changed. I hate his guts. My brother(19 now) hates him also. But my sister(13 now) loves him. When I was 12, I was depressed and my mom promised to get me help, after several months it went away then came back, went away, now i think it's back. I'm not sure, but I cry litterally everyday. Even if i have a really great day, i come home and cry. She promised again to get help about a month ago. She said she'll get me a phyciatrist. I'm not sure if any of this is abuse, but i needed to tell someone because I've never said any of this to anyone. I bottle up my emotions. I don't trust anyone. I avoid telling people about my dad, J, or any of this. Everytime i think about it, i cry, throw stuff, and take it out on my sister, brother, and mom. I feel like no one cares about me. I always icolate myself from my family by locking myself in my room lay down listen to music and cry for hours. I don't do anything else. I wonder if J is the reason for how i am today. I want help.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Faiza

by Faiza
(Location Undisclosed)

I am a 19 year old girl who relives the experience I went through all the time. My story begins when I was about 2 or 3 years old. I can still remember the first time.

My cousin who was about 7 or 8 years older was only a child himself. We would play together, like kids do. Mums and dads. Every young girl pretends to be a mummy with her dolls. Well the experience of mums and dads became too real. My cousin told me to lay in bed with him holding me as "that's what mums and dads do". At first I'd tell him I don't like this game so he wouldn't push it, but at some point, he told me to just keep playing. So we'd be laying on this bed after I'd 'put my baby to sleep' and his hands slowly crept across my body. This would go on for what felt like years. Our parents only downstairs.

Over time, as I got older, he got braver. When I was about 6 years old, I had my first experience of oral sex. I hated every moment but I was too scared to tell anyone. As we grew up, I experienced more sexual acts. He would even do things with people in the room, touching me slyly while I would squirm and move around the room. My first kiss was with him, his tongue forcing itself into my mouth. Although he never actually had sex with me, these acts were just as bad.

The abuse eventually stopped when I was 10. At this point, I was a broken and damaged young girl. Over the next 3 years, the secret ate me up. I would replay every moment in my head, always crying.

When i was 13, it became too much for me to cope with. I told my form tutor. It was now out of my hands. The police became involved and my parents informed. They were brilliant at first. Supporting me and helping me. I began councelling, slowly building myself up. But it didn't last long. I didn't press charges as all I could think of was my exams and how stressful my life would become.

From then on, everyone forgot what happened. My aunties and uncles forcing me to sit in the same room as him, acting like nothing had happened. Even my parents seem to have forgotten. I was 14 and trying to cope with how i felt and it became too much. I began self-harming. I still have the scars over my legs.

The next 3 years were hell. My friends were there for me and i continued councelling but I was going in and out of depression, still self-harming. I felt worse than before, wanting to talk and cry to my mum but couldn't. I now had a front on where everyone thought i was this happy go lucky, bubbly girl. Underneath i was breaking down, thinking about suicide, asking god why I had to be in this situation.

The lowest point was 2 years ago. 17 years old and depressed. I stopped eating and sleeping, locking myself in my room. My friends were more worried than my parents. My counsellor wanted to talk to my mum so when I told her I was depressed, she laughed, told me I didn't know the meaning of the word. She eventually came to see my counsellor. When she told my mum I had been self-harming, she didn't even blink. To this day, my mum's never mentioned it. After that session, my mum told me to get over it. That's when I decided I would live my life for myself. It's made me stronger and I can now cope better. I know that my mum didn't know how to cope with it but that hurt me more than the abuse. She didn't protect me during and she isn't after but I've learnt to live with it. With the help of my friends and their continued support, I can now talk about it and I'm starting to move on. I've even stopped self-harming.

My childhood was taken away from me and I had to grow up too quick but that's made me who I am now and I am trying to live my life and make something of myself. I am now at university and would like to work with the police as a profiler. I still find myself getting upset every now and again but everyone needs a cry from time to time. My scars are physical, emotional and mental. They won't go away but they have begun fading. I wanted to share my story to say you're not alone. My friends helped me. Talk to someone.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Nat

by Nat
(Location Undisclosed)

I am 20 and only just starting to talk about what happened to me i have keeped it in for a long time i am having trouble talking about it i was 9 when the abuse started he had done it to my sister and she had told our parnets but they didn't belive her so he moved on to me. my brother has always been the golden boy the first born can't do anything wrong. he would beat me to keep me quiet i became so withdrawn but my parnets didn't notice what was happening to me i was always the odd one out. i could never really feel i could talk to my any of my family. the abuse carried on for years when i was 17 i meet this guy he helped me to talk about it and talk to my parnets when i finally told them they didn't belive me so they kicked me out for making up a wild accusations i satyed on the streets then the guys family took me in his mother never liked me she thought i was to messed up to be dating her son we split up after 2 years i have finaly gone to talk 2 some1, as i have trouble dealing with situations and i can't deal with being in a relationship it dosen't feel like it is helping at the moment just making it worst. but it is gonig to take time i know i just want the pain to stop. i don't speak 2 any of my family now as i can't forgive them. they say they dont understand what they have done wrong. i want to move to a diffent country to start fresh as there is not alot keeping me here i have friends but none of them know about my past as i am a very withdrawn person. "whats done can't be undone, whats known cant be unknown" it means it leaves a scar it just depends on how big the scar is and to heal by talking its no good keeping it in i have learnt the hard way.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Courtney2

by Courtney
(England)

Ugh. well i guess theres no easy way to start this.. but i just want someone out there to know :/ ever since i was 8 years old (i have just turned 15 now) my older cousin (20 now) has sexually abused me, hit me and on one occasion has cut me :'( i hate it. he won't stop and i have only ever confided in two people who both are just as helpless as me. he is too strong, i just dont know what ta do anymore :'(




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Autumn S

by Autumn
(USA)

About two years ago, my mom married a man. The week after their marriage, he came to me and said he found me sexually attractive. I nodded and said okay. I started to dress a lot more modestly than i ever had before, covering enough so he wouldn't feel attracted to me and be attracted to my mom. But he kept coming to me saying i was attractive. Soon he started hugging me more and slapping my butt more. Then he informed me that last night he had a sex dream about me and him. Then he started putting his hands down my pants. I tried to stop him but the threatened to leave me, my two siblings, and my mom alone and we were literally dirt poor. So I sucked it up, going through week after week of touches, which soon led to him pleasing himself, to him trying and failing to please me. I cried nearly every night, and sometimes I woke up to see him watching me sleep. About 3 months later a friend finally found out and contacted child protective services immediately. I don't know what would have happened to me if she hadn't. Me and my two siblings were given to a family who has done nothing but care for us, and I couldn't be more blessed, but about twice a month i have nights where memories of what happened and what could have been flood through me and i am left to cry it all out. The trial is supposed to be in May, but it will most likely be delayed for about the literally 20th time. That man still haunts me even as we speak. I am 16 years old and trying to remain strong for my baby sister, who still cries for her father and mother, who have literally disowned me and rejected me.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Victoria P

by Victoria P
(Brooklyn, New York, USA)

I'm 23 years old and beginning to accept what was done to me. Everyone wants to be a happy child a part of a happy and healthy family, that was something that I wasn't a part of. My mom was pregnant with me when she was just 15 years old and by the time she was 22 years old she had four children. We were staying with my grandmother but then the house started to get crowded so my mom, my siblings and I moved out...that's when the terror began. I don't know what my mother's excuse was for doing the things she did but it was unacceptable and wrong. Me and two of my siblings were beat repeatedly with objects such as bats, and broom sticks which resulted with us getting thick knots on our heads. My mother use to keep us home from school so our teacher wouldn't see the knots and put ice packs on our head to make the knots disappear quicker. I don't know what it was my mother had against me but I always got the abuse worst. She would beat me for any little thing and leave whelps and bruises all over me, I even recall having black eyes. She would talk down to me and say that I'm a b***h and she wish I was never born. My father was never in my life and I wonder if that was her reason for treating me so badly. Pulling my hair, forcing me to get dressed in the hallway of our public housing building, spitting in my face, and allowing her friends to beat on me and my siblings. Starving me. Making me undress to check if I was still a virgin, and calling me a slut. Doing drugs such as PCP,weed and crack around us. At the age of 12 I started an internship at Hectrick Martin Institute, I was paid about $100 every 2 weeks and my mother would take $60 and leave me with just enough to buy carfare. The plus out of working was the pantry bags that the school supplied me with, so I was able to eat and feed my siblings, but the emotional, psychological, and physical abuse never ended. I was stressed out and depressed. I'm now 23 years old and I suffer from Primary Amennorhea due to head trauma that I have had since I was six years old...I found out about the head trauma just this week after I mentioned my history of abuse. My siblings' lives are ruined: My 18 year old sister is a high school drop out and in prison for a gun charge, my 20 year old brother was just released from the mental institution and my younger 17 year old brother is always in trouble with the law. I'm currently in college and have been living on my own since I was 19 years old. I want the best for me and my siblings. I try so hard to ignore the past but it just can't get out of my brain. I want to live free and happy. But the past just won't let go...it's leaving me in a tearful and depressing state.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Chris1

by Chris
(Location Undisclosed)

From an early age I believed that all the problems between my mother and father were my fault and I used to pray at night that they wouldnt split up as they screamed at each other downstairs. My father spent almost no time with me as he was either working or drinking at the club. My mother was cold and unloving, never hugged me or told me she loved me. She often belittled and humiliated me in front of other adults and frequently told me I was a horrible child. She constantly belittled my father in front of me and tried to get me on her side against him. She showed no consistency in her attitude towards discipline and often hit me for no reason whatsoever. From the age of 6 or 7 my mother went to work as a nurse and my brother and I spent a lot of our time in the care of my grandmother. My gran was really the most stable focus of my life from then on and to this day I loved her dearly. This all had effects on my behaviour. I treated my younger brother badly, constantly teasing him and belittling him. Somehow I was a quick learner at school and was encouraged by my teachers. I enjoyed school for this reason as it gave me an escape from home life but I dreaded my mother coming into contact with my teachers or friends. I was well behaved at school up until the age of 11. At that age I started swimming for a local club, discovered I was good at it and was put into the club special training squad. At this stage both my mother and father took a keen interest in my ability and encouraged me. The team coach was a man in his 40s who was very likeable and he became a trusted family friend. I liked him as he paid a lot of attention to me and made me feel special by giving me lifts in his car back home from training sessions. Within 6 months he was sexually abusing me. At this age I was totally unaware of my sexuality as my parents and school had provided me with no sex education. I was totally naive and knew nothing of hetero let alone homosexuality and paedophiles. The abuse continued for over a year with increasing frequency. During this period I entered secondary education and came in contact with pornographic writing and pictures for the first time. I found myself obsessed with porn for the next 25 years and realised my own sexual nature as well as learning about homosexuals and the extremely negative societal views surrounding them. I felt revolted and guilty and dirty and hated what was happening to me but could not see a way out. I was terrified of what my parents and friends would think of me if they found out but could not avoid this swimming coach without causing suspicion. I eventually got so desperate that I risked personal exposure by screaming at the top of my voice when he came to abuse me in the changing rooms. He backed off never to bother me again. But something snapped in me that day. I realised I wasnt powerless after all and my trust and respect for all adults was shattered. I had been more or less a model pupil up til then but after that became disrespectful and disruptive and my schoolwork steadily suffered. I also developed a deeply disturbing obsession for animal cruelty which went on in secret for the next 4 years. I became more and more isolated from my family and engaged in delinquent acts such as truancy and smoking. At the age of 16 I discovered alcohol. My peers encouraged me to go to pubs and drink beer even though at first I hated the taste. However I loved the effect. I felt happy, part of the gang, more mature and could actually talk to girls! It was the elixir of life. I stopped abusing animals and never did so again. Alcohol made me feel like everyone else looked - happy and confident. I met a lovely girl and left home to go to london with her to get work. I worked in a high street bank for a year before getting a job in a major merchant bank in the City. Up til then I had drank steadily but upon entering the City my salary doubled and drinking at lunchtime and after work was considered normal and necessary. My drinking grew steadily more serious but I was sure I could handle it as my job was going well and I earned a number of promotions. My relationship with my wife suffered and I tried change my drinking habits but always failed. I discovered a talent for computer programming and was transferred to IT. Then my wife left me. I was devestated. My world crumbled and I suffered my first stay in a mental hospital. I got back to work and resolved never to drink again. Within 2 months I was drinking again and feeling better. My career progressed and within 3 years I was the manager of an IT development team with a company car and my parking space. But during those years my drinking escalated and I used cocaine to stay awake until the early hours almost every night to continue drinking. I was burning the candle at both ends but thought i was in control. Eventually I suffered another breakdown and spent months in a mental hospital. I lost my job and moved back to the north east to live with my mother who was now living alone divorced from my father. I spent the next 5 years drinking all day every day interspersed with numerous stays in mental hospitals. I was prescribed Lithium and various other mood controlling drugs whilst I continued to drink round the clock. At no point was I offered any form of counselling or psychotherapy. I attempted suicide a number of times. Eventually I became physically unwell - I vomited blood every morning for years and my liver became enlarged. I got very scared and went to my doctor and told the truth about my drinking - by this stage around 2 bottles of vodka a day. He told me that if I continued I would not see my 40th birthday. I had just turned 39. I was in a pitiful state. I knew I must stop drinking but also knew that every time I had tried to stop in the past I had failed. So in desperation I called Alcoholics Anonymous and arranged to go to a meeting. It was in AA that I learned that I was not alone. Through the guidance of a fantastic sponsor I discovered that the feelings of isolation, loneliness, insecurity, fear and deep rooted guilt that I had carried through all my life and which soured every relationship I had been in were perfectly normal for an alcoholic. He presented me with a spiritual program of action - the 12 steps - which I took to as only the dying can and I have never looked back. The process of facing up to the truth of my past was extremely painful but infinitely rewarding. I still work the steps today and will continue to do so. I have not forgotten what happened to me nor the things I did as a consequence but I no longer feel any pain or guilt about them. I have made restitution to those people I have harmed and I have forgiven all those who harmed me. I have been clean and sober for nearly 9 years and I learned that I am no longer a victim of my past but can turn it to good use in helping others with alcoholism. I am no longer frightened to answer telephones, open letters, answer the door or meet new people. I have no fear of trying new things and have tried a number of new career paths and not worried if they dont work out. I walk this earth a free man. I am never lonely. I can accept critisism. I am confident in new company and regularly make presentations to those dealing with the effects of alcoholism. I have a sense of purpose in life which I never knew before. I know that I have every right to exist on this earth and I want to try my best to end the destructive cycle of abuse passed on from generation to generation for as many people as possible. I love life now and all its possibilities for good. I have a wonderful and close relationship with my sister who suffered from anorexia as a result of our mothers attentions - she is still bitter but I try to help as much as I can. My brother has cut himself off from all his family but I always remind him that I am here should he wish to contact me. The damage done to myself and my siblings was immense but I live with the knowledge of my deliverance and the hope of the same for my brother and sister. I love my mother despite everything and I realise she is a deeply damaged human being. I hope and pray that she finds peace in her life before the end.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Samantha3

by Samantha
(USA)

A Family's Work in Progress: 
My abuse story starts from when I was in preschool. I honestly can't tell you when I was first abused because I know I thought at my young age that what was happening was normal. My father, a stay at home dad, abused my older sister and I from I don't know when through my 8th grade year of school. The memories I have of the abuse when I was young are vague and incomplete. I only remember bits and pieces.

The physical abuse I remember the least. I remember my father pulling a chair out from under my sister while she was eating dinner, I remember him pulling on my hair and ripping it out of my head with a brush as he put it up in a ponytail, I remember being kicked up the stairs on our way to our bedrooms because we weren't moving fast enough. The thing I remember the most of my earlier years was not the abuse, but when I told on my father for the first time. I was in the fourth grade and my teacher had pulled me aside outside the classroom because I wouldn't stop crying. I was upset over something, what I don't recall, but I just wouldn't stop crying. My teacher tried to ask why I was so upset and I couldn't really understand myself. I then just blurted out "My dad hurts me!" It quite literally came out of thin air. I had no plans to tell anyone about my father's abuse partly because I didn't know he was abusing me.

The next day at school I was pulled out of class and taken to the principal's office. There was the principal and a police officer ready to write down my story. The principal I remember very well gave me as much licorice candy as I wanted and handed me some stuffed animals to hug while I told the police officer what I meant by "My father hurts me".

A few days later my parents were informed that I had told my teachers that I was being abused. I don't know anything about how or when they found out except that when they did my mother said to me, "You know if you tell people that you are being hurt that they will take you away from us". I was scared thinking I had done something horribly wrong and vowed never ever to tell anyone again.

The abuse stopped for a while after I had talked to the police but slowly it picked up again. The abuse became more emotional after that. There were less physical actions taken by my father but verbal ones. He would yell at me and mock me when I got upset. The phrase he used that sticks out most in my mind is when I tried to explain why I was upset he would yell, "Poor me! Poor me!" I started to become depressed and have suicidal thoughts, mind you I was only 11 at the time.

The violence also began to get public. I remember coming home from some sort of sports practice and being super exhausted and wanting and admittedly whining that I just wanted to go home. He wanted to stop for ice cream and I preceeded to whine more because of this. He then hit me across the chest and forced me to get out of the car. He then drove home and forced me to walk the rest of the way myself. I was 13, it was getting dark, and I had 8 miles to go. He would also grab me if we were in front of me and threaten to hit me or punch me if I didn't modify my behavior. I remember one time at soccer practice (he was the coach at the time) I laid down on the grass after a drill because I was exhausted. This upset him so he grabbed me to basically throw me to a standing position and yelled at me to go home in front of all my peers. Fortunately our house was just around the corner this time.

The worst memories and most recent were of when my father started choking my sister when she defended me. It happened twice. Once we were on vacation and both me and my sister were having an argument with my dad. The second time we were at home and I had accidentally spilled a drink on our kitchen floor. Both times he lifted her with one hand by the neck shoving her against the wall leaving marks on her neck.

That was the breaking point for me. After telling on him in the fourth grade I was extremely fearful of ever doing that again but I couldn't survive in the abuse enviousness any longer so knew that if I was taken away that it would be far from the end of the world. Before I did it I decided to give him a chance. I said to him the night before, "Either you get help or I am going to the police again. Your behavior is not right and I know it. Get help please I don't want to have to tell on you." He refused, so the next day I went to the family therapist we had been seeing.

This story makes my dad look like a horrible person I realize because well, all you hear is about the horrible things he did to my sister and I. I want to emphasise the fact that just because he did these things and they did do permanent psychological damage to my sister, my mother, and me, that there is some resolve to the story. After the second time I reported my father he went on antidepressants, I also believe he went to therapy or something of the equivalent nature. The point is the abuse did stop. Does that make up for the damage he did? No never but I realize now as an adult that the things he did weren't entirely under his control. I don't forgive him for his actions but I greatly appreciate his change. His change made it possible for me to maintain a relationship with him and even become closer with him as an adult. I learned that his abusive behavior may have been, at least in part, at fault of the abusive behavior he experienced as a child. I discovered from him that his father was an alcoholic and rapist. His father raped his sister, mother, stepsister and who knows who else. This is knowledge I wouldn't have gained without maintaining a relationship with him. It's knowledge that gives me hope that I can end the cycle of violence in my family's history. I learned in therapy and research that child abuse often is passed down from parent to child generation. Since I know this, I have a responsibility to my kids and myself to be the first generation in my family that does not have an abusive environment for them to grow up in.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Angel N

by Angel N
(Rhode Island, USA)

I was born on april23my mom put me up for adoption so i went on to live with my new family.my new mom already have 4kids of her own.i am not sure what age the abuse started,but my mom would yell at me for no reason degrading me,if something wasnt done righ i was punished.the one punishment i do remember is she would make me go out ans get a switch which is like a thin tree limb.she had me pull down my clothes and would be behind me slinging the switch across my leggs and butt area till i was read and bleeding.over the years the abuse got worse to the point where she woulkd choke me ,punch,slap.my mom had these really big turquiose rings on and when they hit ur face it left welts an bruises.she would also verbally abuse calling my names,like your worthless you will never amount to anything.your just a piece of trash.then she met tgis man will call him r.anyway r asked my mom to marry him he said yes.this is when the sexual abuse startesd i was 11 he would come into my room and fondle me this would go on for a few minutes.i was still getting abused by my mom.the sexual part went on for 6yrs.as i was afraid to tell my mom.he came into my room one night that was the worst night of my life he went further and penetrated with his fingers.then it would come to where he would penetrate me with his privavte parts.he would put his mouth on my privates.so finally i told my mom she said i was lying and called me a bad name.after this abuse i became rebellious and did pretty much as wanted to.here i am 39 yrs old trying to suppress these images that slowly reappear,i wish back then she was more of a better mom.i now have 2 daughters and im afraid to discipline them cause of abusive tendenscies,by the time i was 11 i lost the most precious thing to me my grandfather,then 4mnths i lost my granny so with all this abuse and deaths it put me in a spiral of depression.i have thought of suicid but i have 3 girls that need me.thank yu for reading my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Alison

by Alison
(USA)

Im 13 now and when i was little my stepmom sexually abused me and my brother. She would force me down and make me french kiss her, and she would make me lick her tongue and she would shove it down my throat. She would come in while I took a shower claiming to be getting her toothpaste but she would stay there a long time and talk to me and come close to the curtains so finally i eneded up locking the door but she used the pick to unlock the door. She would take off my colthes and touch me all over my body, and my brother had an infection were his private areas were and to this day i dont like when anyone kisses me and i hate it when someone gets near me closely. That was the result of what happened to me. She never went to jail even though we reported her. I hope that those out there will report if someone you know is getting abused!! thanks for listening to my story




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Hannah3

by Hannah
(Tennessee, USA)

I was for all my life abused physically, mentally, and physically. My mother J hit me, threw things at me, and even cussed me out every night even after she was almost killed in a car wreck.When my sister lived with me she took care of me while being punched,kicked,and smaked by J.She did everything for me without her i probably wouldn't be typing this story.J left for the weekend and left me and my sister alone.My sister was 12 or 13 and I was 4 or 5.She made dinner and the weekend went fine until the night J came back.She came back wasted and swhe started kicking and punching my sister.I came down the stairs and watched.My sister took the phone and called my Aunt.My Aunt came to get her and I still remember my sister standing in the kitchen holding onto my shoulders and saying"Hunny you have to say you wanna go with me you have to"she said over and over but i couldn't stop crying so she left.J took me and vanished.My family searched everyday of their lives for me while i was fed on lies that my family hated me.My family got so close to me yet not close enough to actually catch me.But January 19th my life got alot better.J kicked me out after cussing me out and telling me she hated my guts.She sqaid that i needed to leave cause she didn't care.She said that whern i was gone she never wanted to see me again,or hear from me.So i got my phone and called my friend's dad.He came and got me and the3 next day after school my friend's dad's girlfriend came too get me but all sorts of police officers surrounded us and asked what happened the night before itold them everything the fact that she smoke marijwana and the fact that she kicked me out,hit me,threw things at me,and cussed me out every night.They didn't make me go up my drive way to talk to her,but they diid search the house and found no drugs.They then did a drug test and nothing was in her blood stream but even she had admitted it.I'm still going through trials and June 9th is the day of my special setting court date and i just can't wait to get up there and testify with my family.




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Child Abuse Story From Lucille For Shawn

by Lucille
(California, USA)

A friend lost: 
This isn't my storie to tell trueth be told i realy don't know much about what happen but my best friend just cummitted sucied and i have a feeling that it was to do with abuse reading all these storie make me realize how little i paid attition and how i could have hepled him and my heart is breaking becouse i know i will never see my friend again he was apart of the people i considered family truth is i don't know if it was abuse i just know him and his dad fought alot and that him and his mother committed suiced the same way by hanging themselfes and i want to understand how this could happen but nobody has the anwers he was cutting wich is a cause of something bad going on right i miss him so much and i don't know what to do for him and his family because if he was abused what about his sisters what do you do for them how do you help them his candle light vigil was tonight and i couldn't go i feel guilty becasue i knew something was wrong and i did nothing how do people handle loses like this he was truly one of the kindest people i know R.I.P Shawn we all will miss you because you will be in our hearts for ever




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Child Abuse Story From Tee

by Tee
(Toronto, Canada)

I am 35 years old, soon to turn 36, and I am just now coming to terms with the fact that I suffered from chid abuse and sexual abuse. I have told myself for years that I was fine, that the abuse never affected me, that I forgave my parents, and was over it. Unfortunately, or (fortunately?), it was when I entered a relationship with a man 2 years ago, my current boyfriend, that my world started to crumble and depression hit. As soon as I understood what it felt like to love someone did I also understand the pain that comes with loving someone. The fear of loss, the fear of myself...

I was raised in a very strict italian family, my parents were both very overprotective and believed in "discipline" and "respect". That discipline involved using the belt, having my hair pulled, being kicked, being slapped and pushed, as well as being grabbed and shoved. This abuse almost alwayls lasted a few minutes, it was seldom just a "slap". I grew up terrified of my Father, and was nervous whenever he came home from work. I was slapped for spilling milk or pop on the table, for not doing my chores, or for other reasons usually having something to do with my inability to be a good daughter. I cried so much when I was a young girl. I was a oompulsive liar at an early age, I tried everything to earn my Father's love, including telling fictitious stories. I started stealing when I was very young, and I didn't know why. My Dad often ignored me, threatened me, and called me stupid, good for nothing, and I can't recall him ever hugging me or embracing me, except for the once a year Christmas hug. But I also recall being screamed at on Christmas Day. My Dad never told me he loved me, or that I was pretty, or that I was the apple of his eye. The emotional and physical abuse lasted until I was 17 years old. In my teens, I was overly promiscous, lost interest in men as soon as they told me they loved me, and was attracted to men who treated me poorly. I cheated on every boyfriend I had, and allowed men to use me, take advantage of me sexually, and sexually harass me at work. I was addicted to attention. I never told men to stop touching me because I didn't know how to. I just "took it" and told myself everything was fine. I allowed my cousin to sexually molest me until I was in highschool even though I didn't want him to. This poor cousin committed suicide when he was 26, as a result of his own physical and emotional abuse. My Dad hit my mother a few times, pulled her hair, and even choked her. He didn't kill her, but he did scare her and make her cry...and I watched all of this.

I developed an eating disorder when I was 20 which resulted in food binges, restricting, exercise bulimia, and periods of sadness and mild depression. I spent 4 years with a man who was an alcoholic, sold drugs, and treated me poorly. Eventually, thankfully I ended that relationship but spent the next 8 years single, yearning for love but losing interest in every man I dated. I was told that I sabotaged relationships. At this time, my parents became more loving and I forgot about the abuse. I never thought about it. The only time a flicker of the past memories would come to light was when my cousin committed suicide, and when I allowed more men to sexually abuse me, and would break down in tears. I told everyone I was fine...except that I lived a very rigid and controlled life. I had 2 plastic surgeries, suffered health problems, and felt sad and lonely alot of the time. I was so lost. I looked everywhere for answers except the abuse of my past.

Successful in work, attractive, had a great place, but lonely. I met my current boyfriend 2 years ago. He is a "good man". I fell so hard for him, I lost all control and became an anxious wreck trying to impress him. He treated me well, but I was always worried he was going to break up with me. I didn't allow him to see the real me, and I portrayed a very together woman, but I was self destructing on the inside. Eventually, I allowed him to see the real me and our love started to grow. As soon as we started talking marriage, I was happy for a brief time....and then the darkness descended soon after. I started to question him - he wasn't good enough, he was a loser, he didnt make enough money. The anxiety came soon afterwards and soon I was waking up in a deep depression. I started to think being single was easier, that I needed to be alone, that I just wasnt interested. But, I went down this road before....I lose interest in men and flee. I am addicted to attention, to the thrill. Except this time, I knew deep down that I found a man who really saw me and whom I truly loved. And saw me he did and does....he sees my depression, he holds my hand when I cry, and he offers his unconditional love. There is not an abusive bone in his body, and sometimes I wonder why I spurn that love. Perhaps because all I know is abuse. I am still plagued with fear of commitment. Fear that I will hurt others...and am better off alone. I desire love and family, I desire to be emotionally healthy. But truth be known, I still suffer. It's not as bad as it was a year ago, but I still have alot of anxiety.

I have been in therapy for 8 months with a Therapist I truly trust and who has helped me. I was a true skeptic that this depression had anything to do with abuse - it had to do with my boyfriend in my mind! But I am now seeing the effects of my past and understand the patterns of my life and relationships. I am remembering the abuse, reading old diaries and seeing the pain, feeling the pain, and trying to work it out. There are days I feel normal. There are days, like today, that I feel depressed and like the pain will never end. I project my pain onto my partner and that's the most difficult part - seeing myself hurt someone I love. Sometimes I see no way out, and other times I feel hopeful. My biggest fear is that my upbringing has damaged me so much that I can't be a good wife. I fear that I will hurt the man I love, that I will hurt anything I touch. I am afraid the cycle of abuse will continue with me...

However, there is some light. I don't have an eating disorder anymore and have been in recovery for years. I found a relationship with a man who deeply loves me and whom I deeply love. I am still struggling with how to be a healthy partner, but I am learning. I have a fantastic therapist who I couldn't imagine life without. I love my job, I run and work out now, I don't wake up with the same devastating depression. But, my journey is long. I feel like it's just only begun but thank God that it has begun.

Child abuse affects every aspect of one's life. For me, the pain has shown up in personal relationships. It's never easy but I have to believe that its worth it.




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Child Abuse Story From Fen

by Fenella
(United Kingdom)

I am 44 and remember as if only yesterday i have just been told i am dyslecsic which makes me understand now why i am like i am . my mum and dad split when i was young 5years old approx my dad would always be drinking and hitting my mum .she moved to the isle of wight mum had a new partner and got custordy of us he also hit her in front of us when they went out drinking i used to do naughty things shoplifting ect age approx 7 to 8 .i was at a friends house and it was time to go home my friends dad picked me up took me upstairs his 3 sons watching at the bedside as he put his hand in my knickers i went blank just lay their what was i to do ! when he finished i went home and told my older sister she was a year older than me, i never went back their. a short while after my sister took me to sandown into a flat where a man lived she said to me to get undressed and get into bed with her and the man will give us some money i trusted her! then LW came in licked and used his fingers on me i wanted to get out but was scared i just lay their hoping it would be over. a few days later police came to our home i was told not to say anything by my sister ! i hate her from then onwards i stayed in my own world getting in to trouble no one ever belived me so what was the point of talking to any one i went into a kids home at about 10 11 years of age where the abuse went on from the head of the home newfield house coventry a case and compensation is going on now i have been offered 15 thousand pounds this is not enough for the life i have lost my chilren suffered as i could not bring them up i was told if you have been abused you will be an abuser i did nt want to be so i never loved them like a mother should i abandond them and will never forget it now i am hard working for my children who i have messed up their lives but if it wernt for them i would of been dead a long time ago i just want to get them straight and know they are happy before i go.




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Child Abuse Story From Tanja

by Tanja
(Sweden)

I never told anyone my story. No one knows and I will keep it that way. But I want to tell someone, and no one here knows me. I was just 8 when it started, my parents were splitting up and both my mom and dad took the break up really hard. So I stayed with a friend of the family alot. He was a good friend of my dad and I trusted him. But one night he started hurting me, the first time I thought it was a mistake. And I remember how scared and confused I was. I wish I had told someone, but I never did. And I let him hurt me for 5 more years.

Today I'm 21 and I have never talked about it. But I think about it everyday, and I feel guilty for not telling anyone, what if he is hurting kids right now? That makes me feel sick. I dont want anyone to go threw what I had to go threw. But I'm still scared and in one way I'm ashamed. I dont want my parents to know. Never. I just want to be able to be a normal 21 year old, but I cant. He took away my trust and my childhood. And I truly hate him for that.




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Child Abuse Story From Jacqueline

by Jacqueline
(Singapore)

I dont know whether what Im doing is right - my mum supposedly loves me, as everyone says but what? She beats me about simple things like not filling the electirc air pot, having a messy cupboard, not fulfilling household chores which what my fellow friend's maids would be doing at my age. I score a 3.6 at school and she still isnt satisfied. She scolds me at every possible thing and when I show my temper, she hurts me even more. I always have a heart ache when she abuses me. I have scars on my ears that she pull, pinch marks on my thighs, and even a blood clot on my head. What does she want!? I dont even know what to do. All I hope is that I can quickly grow up and escape this terrible life.




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Child Abuse Story From Annie4

by Annie
(USA)

My name is Annie,but,i don't have red hair and freckles,and,i didn't get adopted by a millionare,i'm just,me.i'm the second child,but my big brother died when he was 12,in a school shooting.my parents said i was the mistake of a careless night,and the result of an empty vodka bottle.it wouldn't hurt so much if i knew it wasn't true. my dad was a heavy alcoholic,and heroin addict,my mom was addicted to heroin and meth.when i was really little my mom take me with her to get drugs,she woul tell me if i was quiet,i'd get candy when we were done.my dad spent his time drinking and laying on the couch.i was always screamed at,if i didn't do anything,often,they didn't know they why they yelled at me.i was also beaten,everyday,for hours,at the tinest thing,i remember when i was 5,i was curious as to what it was that my mommy and daddy were doing,i picked up one of my dads half empty beer bottles,and tooka sip,it tasted aweful so i dropped it,the glass broke and it got all over the floor.my dad acame in and slapped me hard in the face,then he cut me with the broken glass on my upper arm,he mademe pick ti all up,then locked me in my bedroom closet.as i got older beatings got worse,beingtied down,kicked,punched,whaever came to mind.my mom got lost in her own world,she threw everything away for drug money,she sold our car,her weding ring,and finally,she sold my innoecence.i was 12,my mom's dealer came in and raped me,he said that it was a deal,me for drugs. i wanted to scream and cry,but he had a knife up to my throat,threatning to cut me if i tried anything.we mydad found out,he beat me,he called me a whore and told me to go die,he kiced me in the ribs and burned me with a ligter.i finally snuck out of th house but,i didn't have anywhere to go,i wasn't in school,and my friends were all drunk or stoned.so i just rode on a bus,finally i go a place to live with a man named J,i thought he was great,he gave me food and clotes,but he said i had to pay it back somehow.he told me if i became a prostitute he would let me stay,anything was better then home,so i agreed.he started beating me too,choking me untill i nearly passed out,or throwing me down the stairs.i was only 14 then,and i was video-taped and exploited,J would let other men beat me,as well as the other girls,they all beat me,no matter what i did,it was never enough.i was called stupid,and worthless,and a waste of skin.i'm away from all that now,i live in a group home,it's ok,i'm in school learning alot,and we have holidays here,it's weird becuase i'm not i'm not use to it,all the nice-ness. but,i did learn from my abuse,i learned that miracles are possible,and that nobody should go threw it.sure,i've had some nghtmares, stil doi take two steps forward,and eight steps back,bu i'm makng it,the best i can.i look at my past and think "why didn't anyone help me?" but i realize now that,now matter how scared you are,if you're getting abused,you have to admit you need help first,help won't jut come,there's no fairy godmother to end you pain with a flick of a wand,but you can get help.and you can make it past this,we all can,sorry m writing isnt good,and my stories long,but i want to encourage people to speak up aginst their abuse,togethe we can all work to end abuse. i'm annie,i'm 15 years old,and i'm an abuse survivor.thank you for letting me share my story. godbless you all




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Child Abuse Story From Christina2

by Christina
(Walla Walla WA, USA)

Burns and Permanent Scars: 
I am a teenager trying to look for others like me. when i was extremely young i was born into a family where my mother had been a drug addict and my father left us because i was an accident. after i had been born my mother started back up on drugs and got a boyfriend named M. he was not a very nice man. he did drugs with my mom....i dont know the drugs specifically by name. M had smoked. which was a very bad thing for me and my mother. he burned my mother and i with his lit cigarettes. he would force me to burn her just to wake her up. my mother and M had a sucky relationship and i was in the middle of it....suffering. my mother was running out of money for drugs..which meant running out of money for food. my mother used to prostitute herself. i remember all these different guys coming to the house and she would lock me in the bedroom until they were finished. it was a tramatizing experience but i am currently adopted by a loving family thank god.




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Child Abuse Story From Mary5

by Mary
(Location Undisclosed)

My dad died when I was 9 after battling cancer. My mom started dating soon after. Going on trips leaving us with babysitters that had parties and everything that happens when teenagers have parties. They would send my younger brother to skate rink so, he wouldn't tell. I saw more than you can imagine at those parties. When I was about 11 she met my step dad. Soon after they married. At 12, he threw me on the bed and held me down with his hand over his my mouth and told me "This was what it was like for someone to rape you." I told my mother that, she didn't believe it. Well, we lived in Kentucky at the time and moved back to Louisiana. It wasn't long after he would start sexually abusing me. It started by saying he was going to massaging me. Then, led to fondling. I was scared and wanted to tell Mom but, she didn't believe it the first time. He told me that "If I told anyone, no one would love me and that my mother would put me in a home." This went on for several months. Then, one night my aunt came to the house and someone overflowed the toilet. Well, they blamed me. I didn't mind to clean it up but, they were blaming me. My mother was behind me and scratched the back of my neck. To were blood came up. (like a blood blister) I turned around and called her a Bitch. My step dad was in the bathroom and hit me in the stomach with a plunger. I blacked out and came to after crawling from the bathroom to the bedroom. I told them this was all coming to an end. I went to school the next day and told a friend. Not knowing that her foster dad was a policeman. She called her dad and the police came to school. They interviewed me for hours, my younger brother as well. He didn't know. And told them it wasn't true. I ended up in the foster home that my friend was in. I stayed there for a few weeks until they could get a family member to take care of me. We went to court but, back in the late 80's it wasn't like it is now. They just didn't know what to do. They ask me to take a lie detector test and him as well. He didn't do so, but, I did and passed. Because, he didn't have sex with me, he got away with it! It was hear say. The therapist told me that I was lucky cause he was getting braver and would have had sex with me if I would have been there another month. I went to leave with my dad's brother and wife for 7 months. Then, they made me a ward of the state of Louisiana. I was sent to a children's home. Then, back to my Mom and Step dad. He has never admitted it to my mother but, did tell me he was sorry and bought me a car.

Now at 35, I still deal with this day to day! I have tried to have a relationship with my mother and has been brought up, I still stand my ground with her. Leading us to having no relationship at all! She has 3 grandkids all by me that she doesn't even know. My youngest was very premature born at 24 wks. He was in the hospital for 9 months and she never came to see him once! My mother and step father live the high life! I wish they could feel my pain!!! But, she tells me I'm crazy and need help! I wish I could put his a** in jail for all of this! He gets to live high, mighty and free and I have to suffer still to this day almost 20 yrs later. One person called me about a year ago to tell me they knew for a fact it was true. That my step dad brought him back in the woods somewhere he didn't know were he was and asked him questions about our relationship. Sexual questions. He said, "he was so sorry that he didn't speak up back then but, my step dad scared him so he didn't know what to do. My mother still to this day doesn't believe me!

How do you ever overcome this??? My mother n law was asked a yr ago not to have any contact with my mother. I didn't feel as if she deserved it. Plus didn't want her to know anything about my family. Well, my mother in law lied and said that she was just passing FW funny emails back in forth. Well, this wasn't so. She has been talking to her very often. Which has opened a can of worms up and just as I'm getting better this has made if worse!!! Can I go back and get him put in jail after all these yrs??? I'm afraid to because, my brother is a lawyer there and the other is a policeman. I would never win with all there connections. Help! This is killing me inside!!! Therapy doesn't seem to help!!!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Becky1

by Becky
(Location Undisclosed)

When i was young around 8 and 9 i use to love playing family games for instance i was the mummy and some one was the daddy and we would have a kid i use to play this game with my brother until he started changing the way to play, thats when he told me how to have sex and then he showed me... he told me to go into the bed and then open my mouth, he kissed me and then all of a sudden took my clothes off and he pulled his trousers down, i knew this was wrong but i was scared of him and didnt say anything he started to massage my body when he went further and licked me and rubbed me we did this every night for about two months until finally i said no i had the courage to stand up for myself and i pushed him off me but then he got angry and got a razor and sliced it straight down my arm, i cryed silent tears but he apolagized and said that if i do one thing for him one special thing then he would stop forever and ever, i said okay, he told me he loved me very much and thats when he picked me up and slid me on to him i bled and bled this horrifying event lasted half an hour. he left, i was just laying there shaking. iv never told my mum though because i still love my brother because hes had a rough life even before i was born i just dont know what to do as he has been through so much i dont want to ruin his life but then again he runined mine as i now have recurring night mares about this and my father and my mother everythin in my life seems pointless, i havve recently started cutting my arms and my shoulders and my boobs where no one can see. i am just so angry and upset i just dont know what to do!!




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Child Abuse Story From G1

by G
(Location Undisclose)

My abuse story (male): 
I was sexually abused by an uncle from 9-12. My mother died when I was five, my father was too busy with his love life so we were left at my aunt's house where her husband abused me often. After I started puberty, it was soon me who would go there looking for it. At 11 I started having sex with another boy my age almost daily and for many years. I wasn't "born gay", I certainly didn't want to be gay, I wanted to be normal and have the perfect family that I never had. I married the only person I could ever trust, my wife is a saint. For years I struggled with same sex attraction, not out of love, honor & respect, but out of a sick compulsion. The abuse screwed me up. I can see how every decision & action in my life was somehow tainted by the lingering effects of the abuse. At stressful times in my life I had the compulsion to act out with other guys. I have been plagued by trust, control, masculinity & many other issues due to the abuse. While I've come to understand & control them, I still can be triggered back into a cycle & I hate that. We are all such fragile creatures. It doesn't take too much to damage us physically or mentally. You know, an ant can fall five feet and be on his merry way. As humans we can just fall down and be maimed or even killed...please be gentle with one another...especially the children.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Rebecca C

by Rebecca C
(Iowa, USA)

My battle for life: 
My story is long but might sound just like yours. I was a average kid i had a mother and father and at the time one sister and 2 brothers. my mother and father were not bad at all and we had a loveing family nothing was wrong. My mom later was pragnet again with another child and we had to move. She found out it was a boy and she was excited after my little brother was born my whole life changed. i was left on my own to eat and get dressed at 3 years old i know it is hard to belive but it is try my mother was only careing about my brother when my dad was not around. i was nothing.... but if you look at it thats nothing to what happened to me. We moved to Iowa when i was 4 with me mother and father and my little brother my other brothers when with there dad. so we were separated. thats when every thing was happening. I was with my dad one day we were on a walk will my mother was gone she said she had a job ......but she never brought home money. my dad also had this frined we would go see alot (K) i did not think bad of him and he always bought me something every day. Soon to find out that my mother was found at his house with him cheating on my dad so that did not make it any better. My mother took us and my dad had no rights to us. wile i was at this house i thought every thing was the way life was but i was wrong he touched me weirdly and said that its what a real father does he hit me all the time and make me do things that made me feel worthless. i was only 5 and i could not deal with it when i got sick and my mother was not there he would make me stay home and he would hold me down and hurt me in many ways if i puked he would make me eat it and said i was worthless. at 5 i think i did more sexual things then a 25 year old would do. I tryed to get away but he would tie me becuase i would bit him or kick. then he would go out and bye me things to get me to shut up about it. when my mother came home she would see briuses and scratches and K would say i was playing out side and fell or i was playing with the cat. Then they got married i was about 6 at this time and i was scared to death i knew that ment they were together now and i could do nothing. my mother ran away with us because she heard that K hurt his own daughter but she did not want to listen at all. we moved to arizona and there it stoped for only a week then he make me do more then i have ever done. i would feel so sick i would puke and he would make me drink peptno it was grose. i told a teacher but they did not belive me i was nothing but a story teller. My mother was acting funny to and would not feed me or if i was hungery she would tell me to go cook something or look around. she would drink and watch tv and i would just watch her she would just randomly smack me and tell me to get the f**k away from her. it was bad and i did not know what to do. By this time he made me suck his .... and well i bit him and it was bad i got away and when i came back to the house because i had no were to go the cops were there he told them that he was in the shower and all of a suden i came in there and tryed to kill him he called me a demon..... i got put on pills he got away with hurting me again. After the cops left he took me by the neck and choked me and then locked me in an entertainment center. he did this for about another year and when i was 7 my bio father found us and took me and my little brother for visatation i was happy no more geting hurt i was free. for about a month but hey it was worth it. i told my father but he tryed to do something no one would listen and i was stuck going back a month of freedom and hell was comeing. when i got back we were moving again to washington. he had friends out there and that was just grate. at this point i tryed every thing to kill my self i drank poison i cut my self and i tryed to hang my self. but i was caught every time. i was sexuly active by 5 and i lost every thing at 6 it was bad and now it was worse. he would lock me out side in the rain and not let me in. i had to steal food from other kids to eat. him and his frineds had a fun time raping me. my mother never cared and she was always gone and i was stuck to fend for my self. i was worthless and i did not know what to do this when on untill i was about 10 and my bio dad came back and got me and M. he then told DHS that i was being hurt and we talked to them about it and showed them and they then belived me i felt so free. but i was having a problem i was haveing a yellow like discharge when i was 10 and i was not yet to the puberty stage so my step mother took me to the doc and then i found out that i am stuck with my past forever he gave me an STD genital warts. and i did not know what to do but cry. i thought my life was going to get better it only got worse. i was living with my dad and step mom and her little devil and. well my stepmom only belived that if your blood then you deserve her attention. She acted nice but not for long soon she started geting me in troble with my dad saying i was not doing any thing she was doing it all and she was doing nothing. then he would hit me and send me to my room. then she started puting me in a corner to eat because she said i dont deserve to be family because i am infested. i had 2 min to eat or my food they would take it away. both parints knew i was dislexic and i did not know how to spell or read well and if i spelt something wrong they would hit me. i got in so much truble and i did not know how to livev my life. one day i got so tierd of it i was 13 i tryed to kill my stepmother she then decided to move back to africa and then my dad was the same abusive throwing me aginst the walls and calling me useless and makeing me do every thing. then i met a boy from NY that i thought was my one and only i ran away to him but his mother was no better. she would make me work and clean and take care of his brothers kid and i got lost in Brooklyn she would not feed me i was skinny and sick looking i had no clothes but the ones on my back i felt like i wanted to die but i could not. i ran back to Iowa and i was homeless for a month and then the cops found me and i whent to shelter. i then was adopted and now my life is better i feel like someone now and i still cant spell right and all but hey im not in hell any more.

I did not tell my whole story. i just want every one to know that no matter how bad you have it later it will always get better just keep going and hoping.




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Child Abuse Story From Sasa

by Sasa
(South Africa)

Im 20 years old from a very conservative family, guess that's why its so hard for me to accept the fact that im an abuse victim.

I moved in with my mom and her boyfriend last year and at first things were great, i guess its because he wanted to impress my mother. He treated me like a little princess and it felt great to finally have a "father" since i had never met mine. Then things started to go wrong once he had my "approval" to date my mom. He would start arguments over little things like me not wanting to shake his hand or him not liking the way I looked at him and my mother would automatically take his side, which didnt make sense to me then she'd force me to apologise to him which I did. As time went by it escalated to her calling me names and saying things like she wishes I hadn't been born and im making her life miserable. Just the other day she told me she she doesn't love me and this morning when I told her i couldn't take it anymore she told me to move out because it would make her life easier. Im not allowed to date, have friends, go out or use my phone after 8pm and everytime i get a call i have to explain who called, what my relationship is to them and why they called. I've tried reaching out to my extended family but they just tell me to suck it up and to respect my mother and her boyfriend. Im so miserable, I think about commiting suicide every night and I cry myself to sleep. Im doing my 1st year at varsity, which I should be excited about but im not and my grades are bad even though I know im really smart. Im so embarrased and sometimes I blame myself, I used to believe in God but sometimes I find myself questioning his existence. I've decided to move out tomorrow, I dont have money or anywhere to go but anywhere is better than here...I'll live on the streets if I have to.




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Child Abuse Story From Anna3

by Anna
(North Wales, UK)

I have never been loved by my family i have known this since i was born. I was an unplanned unwanted pregnancy but my grandma wouldn't let my mum get rid of me. Ever since i can remember my mum has told me she hated me and that she wishes i was never born. She says i am a waste of space and that I’m too fat/ugly to be her child. She also used to pull my hair drag me upstairs, push me to ground, sit on me and pull my arms back. Because of this i have been cutting myself since i was 7 or 8 :(

when i was about 10 my dad started sexually abusing me well that’s when i realised it was wrong he could have started before that he'd touch me, undress me make me undress him etc i also now have flashbacks of him raping me however i don’t have proper memories of this. he'd tell me it was cz he was the only one who loved me and that he's the only one who could love me cz every1 thought i was ugly. The other side of him was very violent he'd hit me, kick me once he threw me off the trampoline and broke my finger, chipped my arm and dislocated my shoulder :(

at the age of 12 i started making myself sick after eating i was fat i hated myself so i was cutting and throwing up i also took my 1st OD at 12 but no one found out. Then at 13 i started drinking, i was drinking about 4 bottles of vodka and a LOT of cans a week!

i spent about 8 months drunk then it got too much and i told my PE teacher what my dad was doing to me she told dept head who told police and social services who told my mum but she didn’t believe them she said i was an attention seeking liar nothing happened.

Everything got even worse at home i was being kicked every night by my dad i was covered in bruises and my mum kept going on about how she wished i was never born and how i was ruining everything so i overdosed but i panicked because i wasn’t sure i wanted to die i just wanted help really so i told my teacher she took me to hospital i was in for three days then they sent me home!!

I overdosed again desperate to die but a stranger found me and called an ambulance i was in for five days then i went into care on the 5th June 2009 first i went to a family they were lovely but it showed me what i missed out on so i ended up cutting worse than ever and overdosing twice they couldn’t cope so took me to hospital and dumped my clothes with social services. Next i went to another family i was there for less than 2 weeks before they decided they couldn’t cope and needed to look after their own family. Third was a kids home which was awful i felt totaly abandoned and unwanted again so i was constantly drunk, taking whatever drugs i could , cutting every day, starving myself and overdosing about once a week in the 2.5 months i was there i spent about 5 weeks in hospital then they gave up and sent me to another kids home which was a few days before they sent me to a therapy centre which was my fifth placement which was amazing i only went to hospital twice in three months i turned my life around seriously i was on the way to death but they showed me a bit of hope and that there is a chance for me. My sixth and hopefully final placement is the foster family im with now, i have a mum, dad, two brothers and a sister. on my first day we bought two puppies and last month they bought me a horse!!!

sorry it's so long x




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Child Abuse Story From John2

by John
(Canada)

As a perfectly normal 26 year old guy who has graduated from university with two degrees I wondered why I can't seem to stay focused at work as I always lapse into some kind of daydream. I wondered why I seemed to be constantly depressed underneath a surface of being confident and friendly. What keeps me sitting alone at night and unemployed most of the time? Why don't I begin a career instead of settling for menial jobs that require little thinking or find a girl like many other men my age? Why do I take criticism so personally and blow up when I feel like someone has challenged me.

I started thinking back through my life and trying to decipher what made me the way I am. I was never sexually abused and I really don't like even bringing up the past except that I feel like something is wrong with me. I guess that if I had to determine some causes it would start before my parents ever got divorced when I was 8 or 9. As early as I can remember, my father and mother were not happy. My father was not around much as he worked away in camps, and to this day my mother told me I didn't seem to really miss him when he was home. Through the time I can recall them being married, I know they fought and my father would arrive home late after being out. I used to stay awake hearing them fight in their room.

Later, after my mother, sister and I left the home when my dad was out of town and they became separated, I can remember much clearer the strife in our new home setting. My mother had hardly any money, she was stressed and outcast by her former in-laws and raising two children in an apartment and a trailer. She would often weep and sob when she was home over not having money and she could blow up at me at any moment over the smallest things. Sometimes she would call me a "f***ing bastard" or tell me that she hated me, and she would always clench her teeth together and ball her fists. I admit that I was a young boy and would be responsible for causing her stress, but I could never tell how she would react to anything. One day I could bring over a friend and she would be nice and kind to us, renting us a movie and telling me later that I should invite him over next week for pizza. When I would bring him over the next week, later she would fly off the handle screaming at me for showing people her messy house and angry at how I am wasting her money.

I could go on for pages about different blow ups or times she would pull over our old mini van and tell me to get out, but you get the idea. One thing I really hated was that when I wanted to spend time with her or tell her something I was interested in she would tell me to shut up. She would be watching something on tv and she would yell at me to shhh and shut up every time I tried to talk.

After the period of living the single-parent life and living with a father who never showed me emotion on weekends (to this day he has never touched me or hugged me), my mother met a man and moved us to another town. Leaving out any part of having to adjust to a new place, school, friends, etc, my situation was tough because my mother now constantly worried about being cheated on and accused her new common-law of it all the time in front of us. He was nice enough, but would spend any time at home (he worked 2 hour drive away) in front of the tv and he rarely in my opinion bought us proper groceries. For about 5 years my sister and I lived with very meager food in this situation until I was 15 or so and he finally left her.

Ever since we were younger, my sister and I had become accustomed to hiding out in our rooms, and through these years we had nearly fully existed in our respective rooms as a haven from all sorts of problems. Once my mother met another man, who I liked more than my previous father and even my own father, things got even worse. He is an alcoholic and would became verbally abusive and sometimes a bit on the physical side after polishing off a 26 ounce bottle of rum each night. My job through grade 11/12 was to drink some of the booze so that he would stay friendly. He also let his youngest daughter have decision power over the household and at 7 her word was law. My mother and this 7 year old battled constantly for C's attention and support ending finally when she was 15 and beat my mother up while he held my mother down resulting in him being cast from our lives. During this time, I generally stuck to my room.

Looking back I realize I spent an awful lot of time at friends houses and basically moved in with them once I hit 15 onward. My mother even told me she'd rather have C in the house than me (when I was 16 and told her to get rid of him) and she kicked me out, but later regretted it and called the cops saying I ran away.

In closing, after years of me complaining that my mom wasn't right (friends vouched for me when they stayed over and saw it), someone finally gave her prozac when I was 19 years old and living in another town. Today she is much less inclined to lash out, but still occasionally does when something like a mess is made in her house. I feel strange because I have alot of close friends and I know what its like to have a close family as I have friends who do, but I don't care at all about either of my blood-parents. They have had to make all of the effort to contact both me and my sister in the time of our adulthood, and I can honestly and regretfully say that I never miss them and I feel completely unattached to them. At present they both call me regularly and are used to the fact I never think to call them, but do still visit them often when I can. My sister lives across the country and is the exact same as me.

Thank you for listening to my story, feel free to comment.




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Child Abuse Story From Taylor for my Friend

by Taylor
(Virginia, USA)

This is about my best friend: 
4 years ago i meet my best friend A and i started talking to her we were 11 at the time. we meet at the schools playground it was mid june and we just clicked and come to find out she lived across the street from me. a women named C adopted A. she was raped by her brother and father since she was 3. we become best friends but then her adopted mother was telling me very sick stories of A suppose to have done. i belived C becouse i was 11 and naive. C would call her stupid and retarded and tell her she cant do anything. she would make A eat her food or she would be yelled at. she threw A down the stairs. the grabed amy by her hair and jerked her head backwards. she did that becouse A called her a b***h and i told C i didnt know any better.then when we was 13 A had a mark on her neck, it came from C choking her.when we hit 14 we was in 8th grade and this is when A would come to school every mouring crying and on the ride to school she would cry. my grandma and i rode her to school and back. people will pick at her and call her a dike but C made her wear old clothing and make her cut her hair like a boy. C made her write a letter to A's preacher saying she wants to suck his penis and she made her give it to him. my grandma me and my dad witness her abuse and we call social service but all they did was call a cop and took A away for 6 months and give her back but now me and A cant be friends and she cant even look at me and she still getting abused.april will make 2 yeaRS i havent spoken or lookin at her




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Carys

by Carys
(United Kingdom)

When I was 5 I used to hang around with these 3 boys who were 2 years older than me, no-one ever thought nothing of it because everyone knew everyone on our street. But one day they all told me to come with them into this woodland area, i didnt think nothing of it, but they started touching me and the told me to touch them, but i didnt think this was wrong, but i did start to wonder when they wanted to put themselves inside of me, but i didnt want them to think i didnt want to be friends with them as we were the only kids on our street. But this carried on until i was 9 until we moved away.

I still think about this regularly as I am 15 and go to the same school as all 3 of these boys. I have told no-one about this but i think of it every time i close my eyes and it scares me. Im just so confused, I hope by telling my story I can get the confidence to tell my parents.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Selina1

by Selina
(Calgary, Alberta, Canada)

My Story: 
I was born in china, and my parents were raised the chinese way. that the only way to discipline your child was to hit them. i suffered and am still suffering, i am only 12. if i would do anything wrong they would hit me. once i was in grade 4 and i didnt want to play piano, my dad kicked me in the stomach, i had to go to the hospital. they told the doctor i fell on my stomach. my little brother was born when i was in grade 3. they started abusing him when i was in grade 4. they would hit him if he cryed. i would always try to keep them away from him. instead they hit me instead. we went back to china when i was in grade 5. my dad had an argument with my mom, he hit her. now it still happens. except now he threatens as well. i want to leave but i dont have enough nerve, i dont know what i should do. im glad to know i am not alone, for a long while i thought i was, i thought i was the worst kid ever because my parents treated me this way and no one else treated their child this way. everyone loved their parents i was afraid of mine, i started to think i was different, that it was all my fault for not being perfect.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Faeree

by Faeree
(Location Undisclosed)

Me and my two sisters were sexually abused by my dad throughout our entire childhoods.my oldest sister told me he used to touch her breasts and shave her pubic hair into hearts, i rmemeber him taking naked photos of her out by the family pool when she was about 20 because hse had 'beautiful breasts'. my middle sister has never disclosed what happened to her but claims she has no memeories of being a child at all.

as for me i rememeber him watching me shower, him watching my breasts, asking when i'll get pubic hair, telling his friends i have 'luscious lips' and open mouthed kissing me.

I havent seen him in 15 years but my sisters choose to have him in their lives instead of me so i am never invited to family gatherings, christmas etc. and have to spend those occasions alone.

There is more to all this, my middle sister is now a drug addict and has been diagnosed manic depressive, my oldest sister has anorexia nervosa and lives in a completely deluded 'happy family' state.

My mother doesnt hear anything she doesn't like and just ignores anything i say about it or how i am feeling.

I have borderline personality disorder, smoke drugs every night, am a chronic self-harmer and have tried suicide 5 times - the earliest was when i was 7 years old.

My biggest problem is my half-memories. they are things i recall that have no end to them, like the one i have of my dad catching my sister touching me and him enetring the room and closing the door, walking towards us and then the memory goes blank. or the times when i would wake up with my bedroom door unlocked (i was 20 then and in a granny flat behind the house, he said he had a key)and all my clothes undone or removed.

I dont know if these are these things i should try to find out and dont know how can i bring them back.

I rememebr when i was 8 or 9 bringing a girl back from school with me, tying her up and doing sex stuff to her – and now I wonder if that makes me a sex offender. this memory makes me feel horrible...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Karen3

by Karen
(Pennsylvania, USA)

I was abused at age 5 by my 14 year old cousin and also by his dad and didnt understand about what he was doing the thing that confuses me the most is that i dont rememder if im still a virgin or not. one time while i was with my cousin alone his sister that was 8 saw what he was doing but she said nothing and her silence is what hurts me the most. they use to babysit me and my 2 brothers i would tell my brother to stay with me and i told him why but when he went to the bathroom they would do it again both my cousin and my uncle didnt know they where both doing it. i told my best friend and her mom i promised her i would tell my mom but i didnt. it kept going on until i was 6 then one day i went to my best friends house and her mom asked me if i told my mom yet i said no so she said that she would tell my mom right away so i ran to my house because i lived 2 houses away i went in and tld my mom everything then my best friends mom told her i wouldnt come near my mom because i was afraid of what she might do. she drove me to there houses and started to scream at them of course they denied everything but by the look in my eyes my mom knew i was telling the truth. we went to the police station and my mom told them all she knew then they took me into questioning i told them everything but they never did anything i hate police so much to this day. know im 11 olmost 12 in 1 month and im still trying to be normal.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Lauren2

by Lauren
(North Carolina, USA)

"So wrong, never right" 
Many things I learned from a very young age, the one thing most was that I could never be right nor wrong. At age 5 I recall being tied in horrid uncomfortable positions to keep me from moving. My arms would be bent, so my hands was to my face, my arm would be tied in that position with ropes for hours and hours. I was not allowed to sleep in a room or on a bed. I had to sleep on a hardwood floor with nothing but newspaper and cockroaches roaming around me. Then as I got older I would always be screamed at as soon as I got home from school. My mom would drink a lot and have many men over who all would get drunk. A few times this one older man would always come over and my mom would leave me alone with him. He would say he wanted to give me back massages (I had scoliosis and bad pains) but he would take any kind of muscle rub we had and rub it (down there) and I would always be burning in pain. I told my mom and she said that I didnt know what burning was and she has lit up the gas stove. She would place knives in the flame until the knife turned red and she would hold it on my arms. I still have scars from that. Later on I would not be allowed to eat anything but potatoes and peanut butter (I would have to eat them together) I was forced to hand feed my mother all kinds of good smelling foods. She would make me drink olive oil (to fatten me up without be allowed to eat) it was pure hell! THe abuse didnt end until I found the strength to move out at age 19! I had my own job (and stopped giving my mom all the money I made) she was taking every penny I had made until I stood my ground. My abuse was all of the above. What hurts the most for me is the emotional abuse. Being yelled at, never good enough for her, being timed to do chores, being laughed at and made fun of, not being believed about sexual abuse, never any comfort at all..not a single hug or I love you.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Anne L

by Anne L
(North Carolina, USA)

Who do you tell when no one cares? 
In order for me to explain my story i have to tell in as though its happening. my story is very unpleasent and hard to tell for years i have kept my story hidden and still to this day very few people know the whole story.im not goning to lie it will take me a while to write all that must be written,i start and sometimes just cant countinue on. sometimes the memories are just to much to endore.so im going to try to get my words right the fastest i can.Its not something that you want to share with the world.to all who have survived and can say today that u forgive them i congratuate you for still to this day i will never forgive him.

welcome to my world?

I was up late one cool night wrapped in my thick warm blanket, for it was the ending of winter so still quite cold. I was reading a book I had just gotten from the library called Mercy Moves Mountains when I heard footsteps in the hallway. I figured it was either mom or her latest boyfriend, B. (Dad had died almost two years ago since then she has had many "friends") getting something to drink or a snack from the kitchen. I resumed reading my book.
SQUEEK!!!!! HEY!

My door was being opened. I bounced up off my bed and ran to my bedroom door to see who was there. Then he came in, it was B.

"B, what's wrong?"

He didn't answer. I began to wonder if he was sleep-walking and came to the wrong door. I started to close the door but he stopped me with his foot. He grabbed me and clamped his hand over my mouth, stopping my protest.
"Shut up," he whispered in my ear. I went shock still, he was wide awake. "Make one little sound and I'll kill you and your mother, got it?" Tears forming in my eyes I quickly shook my head yes. His hand moved away from my mouth, I gasped for fresh air. "What do you want?" My voice shook as I spoke. Stupid question, I knew in my heart exactly what he wanted. He grabbed my arm and threw me onto my bed. My room once my sanctuary had now become my prison. He tore my blue silk gown apart and threw it to the floor. I scratched and hit but I did not prevail. He was so much stronger then I but I had to try at least. OH GOD THIS CANT BE HAPPING TO ME! I screamed in my head over and over again.

His disgusting calloused hands were grouping at my chest. Oh lord help me! I begged silently. As he took his clothing off I began to shake uncontrollably. He climbed above me; throwing his whole weight into my body he took my life away from me. Just like that I was no longer in control of my body. I screamed into my pillow with pain, I must have made a sound for the next thing I felt was being hit in my head. I blacked out. When I came to he was trying to get me on my stomach. I wanted to scream but I was too afraid of what he might do to my mom. I did as he said. He rammed into my body. A short time later he got off of me. "Don't move or else." Then he left my room, I silently begged god for help. Wishing that my mommy would come and save me from my nightmare. After a little while he came back, mumbling about something. "There's no darn cake, you'll pay for that." He grabbed my exposed chest with his teeth and yanked and pulled tearing the skin. I tried to squirm away, I failed. He grabbed my hands and pined them above my head. God he was strong.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Trisha

by Trisha
(Colorado, USA)

I am a 34 year old mother of 3 beautiful little girls. I have turned my past and things in my past into starting motivational speaking. It wasnt always this way though.

I was born to very young parents who already had another child. I was very sick and required a lot of attention that neither parent was willing or able to do. At 3 months old, I was adopted. I was allowed to be adopted by my biological mothers parents. Parents she knew had already been abusive to her.

My early childhood memories are actually quite good ones without any memories of bad things. It was not until I was 8 and my parents divorced that things went bad. Me and my brother were sent to live with my father while my mother stayed behind. My father met a woman that believed that he was not strict enough on either of us. My father began hitting me with the heels of shoes, running me over with cars, spanking me with all kinds of objects and other violent things. When I was 10 my fathers friend was left to babysit me and my female cousin. He molested us both that night. When I went to tell my father, he denied it and even paid off the social workers to not "ruin his life in the media" as he was a productive owner of a large grocery store at the time. My father picked me up off of the floor by the neck of my shirt telling me with much violence that if I told another person that he would hurt me bad. I never told another person. That summer while visiting my mother, her boyfriend attempted to become sexual with me. I hesitated telling anyone as I was afraid that the same would come out of it and I wouldnt be believed, but eventually I did. The man that did it eventually admitted to what he had done saying that "i was singing and my singing voice turned him on" he was never convicted. My father however found it hard to believe that a person could be molested 2 times in a lifetime and told me I was a liar and that I wasnt pretty enough to have someone want me. He decided then that I was too much for him and sent me to live with my mother.

At 11 years old I went to live with my mother. She was highly verbally abusive and regularly physically abusive. She also was diagnosed with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. I am asthmatic and allergic to pretty much everything and that gave my mother, who was also a nurse, the upper hand to fulfill her needs with her disorder. Often she would find medications that she knew I was allergic to, give them to me and then when I stopped breathing or became violently ill etc she would rush me to the hospital, the same one she worked at, and look for the attention she so desired. She had a massive amount of boyfriends and some of them found that maybe I was more their type of needs so I dealt a lot with molestation etc. My mother would blame me for her problems and look for understanding by blaming her own past of abuse as to why she was so abusive. She was so typical of an abuser going as far as bringing home kittens and any other things she felt would make it all better.

When I was 12 years old, I met my real mother. She had been in the family my entire life, I was just told she was my sister. I made plans to run away and be with her figuring it couldnt be worse. I ran away and crossed state lines and once in the state that my mother lived police were waiting for us and arrested my biological mother and took me to a group home for children. I was there in the court systems trying ever so hard to get someone to listen to me about what was going on at home. They listened but a hard-nosed social worker waited until the judge that was hearing the case and ordered me to not be returned to any family, was out of town. He got an order to send me back to my adoptive mother which was done the day of thanksgiving. I was terrified. I had told the secrets. I knew I was at risk. I was flown back and things were terrible. Every move I made was monitored and everything I said was not tolerated. 3 months after being returned the grand jury in that state heard the case of child abuse. I was so scared due to my mother telling me I was not to tell that they made my mother leave the building and let me talk to them alone. She left and I talked and for once the people found reason to be alarmed but still sent me back. They made rules that my mother could no longer leave the house with her gun and drugs threatening to kill herself if i didnt do something or they would remove me. She was ordered to stop spending time with the man that she knew had molested me and had admitted to it or she would lose custody of me. She didnt do either. One night while she was in a rage about something I cant remember. I called my biological mother and told her I was scared. She called workers where she lived and they worked with workers where I lived and removed me the next morning. By then my mother had savagely beaten me and I was covered with bruises and cuts from glass bottles thrown at me and shelves she had tipped over on me the night before.

I was taken to my brothers house where I lived for one month until his girlfriend convinced him that I was too much of a problem for their marriage and it was either me or her. He chose her. I was shipped back to my biological mother and within 3 months I ran away. I was put in to the foster care system and spent the next 5 years roaming from foster home to psych ward to group home etc. Anywhere pretty much they could find a hole for me that I wouldnt find an attachment to.

I did however do a lot of counseling therapy. The only mistake that I made was that I wanted love and didnt realize it at that time. Due to my feelings of inadequacy I married a man that was also abusive. We had 3 children together. I had children with him because I honestly believed he would never hurt a child. Until he hit my middle daughter. I left him, had him arrested and divorced him. I went through massive therapy and became the woman I am today. I am back in school getting my masters in psychology and hope to one day have a career in motivational speaking using my past as the talk to show people that things happen and you cant change them and to give them a better understanding of the mind set and also the side of the abused child.

There is so much I could have put here as far as details but I feel that I have dealt with them and am on my way to helping others. Abuse hurts and so do fists.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Tay1

by Tay
(Massachusetts, USA)

I was abused by both my mother and father. My mother abused me emotionally and by neglecting me. As a young child she abandoned me and left. After she found out that i had diabetes at age five she did nothing to try to take care of it and actually took my medical needles and sold them to drug users so she could make some cash. she would use meth in front of me and as a result I was put into foster care. my father recieved custody of me when i was 9. after his second marriage ended he became violent with me and emotionally hurt me. my father would hit and punch me in places he knew no one would see the bruises, like the legs and upper arms. he would through this, destroy my things, rip my clothes. he would grab me by the hair, push me, grab the backs of my arms and sqeeze until I yelped for him to stop. he got a kick out of name calling me about my outer appearance, such as calling me "a little chunkster", or saying that i had a mustache, or saying that i was a hoochie and so many other things too. his favorite thing to do was yell. I have a sister as well who was abused by my father. he once got angry at us so he had us stand side by side and then he walked behind us and bashed our heads together. my sister was hurt so badly that she had to go to the hospital because she had a concussion and was bleeding out of her ear. and then the worse of them all. my father had punched my sister in the eye in front of the whole school. she was rushed to the hospital and he was arrested. my sisters eyes was swollen shut for about 3 months and was black and purple for an additional 2 months. my siser was 15 and i was 14 when that happened. my sister and i are only 11 months apart in age and we havent seen each other practically since that day. we are now 18 and 19 and we both live on our own. we have been apart from our parents since the age of just 17. since i have moved out of my father home and have been away from him for a year now life has been much better, i thank the power of god for helping me have the courage and strength to survive. i also thank Him for giving the wonder positive attitude i have and for beating the odds of the effects of child abuse. i can proudly say that i am a positive, happy, not angered, young, free loving spirit. thanks for reading my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah3

by Sarah
(Location Undisclosed)

My story is different to others. It is not abuse from one person or one specific incident. It is a number of minor abuse cases. But I thank god, I am highly favoured.

I am mixed race. My mum black and my dad white. My dad didn't like black people and was racist. By the time I was 11 (i think) I lived with my dad. He hated me calling myself mixed race. When I wanted to choose mixed race on my ethnic minority he said I have to put white but I say no am mixed race. So he start to beat me. Also when I had corn row in my hair he said lets count the number of white people with corn row in there hair, but it was one so i woz angry and shouted at my dad so he stopped the car and started strangling me. Also one time he got his foot and kicked me out of his house. Even one time he said give your dad some excitement and take ur shirt off. Also he constantly called me stupid and a s**t.

Then when I was 14 i met up some men. They where nearly 30 years old. They started training me to have sex. One said watch porn videos to see how to have sex. One then said that if I was his real friend I would have sex with his friends. So being naive I did and he said he was so proud of me for doing it.

By the time I was 16 I was sexually assault (physically forced to continue in a sexual act). I remember going home and not being able to walk home properly due to the fact that my vagina was so swollen up. I remember just feeling like rubbish.

Last October, a man sexually assaulted me again. He grabbed me and I was pushing him off and he had sex with me. I gave up struggling when he was inside. He said he never forced me to have sex with him but just had sex with me when I did not want it.

I am not 19 yet.

But this is the whole point of this story, it is to give you hope. Not to complain about my abuse but simply to tell you there is hope. I received my healing from the pain from Jesus Christ and so can you!!!!!! I have a hope and a future. Accept him and his love.

Peace be one you.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Kaylen

by Kaylen
(Texas, USA)

I'm 15 now, and i live with my Step mom and my dad. When i was 2 months old, my mother and father got a divorce, but still lived together, they fought like crazy, my mom would always use me as her sheild from my father, thinking that it would stop him, and it did. He would never hit me, but he threw things. My parents finally got outtah the same household, but i stayed with my mom. She eventaully got a new boy friend and he didnt resepct anyone but him self and his kids, we moved into this neighbor hood, and his parents lived right behind us, his mom was a b***h, and his father was in a wheelchair, they always came over, and then one day he started rubbing my thigh and began moving upwards, i was 5 at the time, and i had just recovered from a serious car wreck, i didnt know what was going on but i told my mom and she said dont worry about it that it wouldnt happen again, well sure enough it did, and it continued to happen until i was 8. I wouldnt say anything to anyone else because i didnt know what would happen to me, but then he started doing that to my older sister and she told my father, so he asked me about it and i gave in and told the truth, but i still lived with my mother, i got taken away and went to stay with my grandpa, and then my dad came and got me, now i have nothing to do with my mother and her side of the family, i have an 8 year old brother that has to live with her and her boyfriend, yea they are still together and she has gotten my brother taken away a few times because of drugs, but she doesnt care, as long as her boyfriend is in the picture she is fine, yeah she chose her boyfriend over all three of her childern. And if your reading this, please pray for my brother, he needs help, he needs to get out of there and get away from them, i dont know if anything is happening to him or not but his dad beat me when i was little, because i would cry or just get on his nerves being in the house, so he would beat me and do drugs and drink, he didnt care he has no feelings, and the court didnt believe my grandpa when he showed him the pictures of the bruises where i was nearly beat to death, Last night, my brother was in a car accident in Arizona with his Cousins, he is now in the hopstital and they arent sure if he will make it, PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM, iloveyoubrother, ♥ always your sister, Kaylen.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Beautiful Girl

by Name Undisclosed
(India)

I was born with a golden spoon thats what every one said.in a rich household send to the best shool of delhi.i was considered an intelligent child with big eyes ,brown hair,fair complexion."you would grow up to be a very beautiful girl"everybody would tell me.But everyone who is blessed or suffers does not end up being happy or rule the world atleast i dint.I ws unlucky .he raped me since i dont even remember.he was a very complexed man .i dont beleive he had sexual inclination towards children but he targeted the weak ones,the dependable ones.he spoilt every thing for me.he made me a maniac.he emotionally raped me.made me feel i was different than the others.made me enjoy wht he did to me.i used to feel sick though more times than pleasurable. he played with my mind.he would tell me i hve a good body.wheneva i tried clinging to my mother.my mother as usual would shove me offf.saying her favourite line m unhappy in this family ur father i bad i have to take care of all of u ..blah blah blah .she has a habbit of being a world icon everyone loves her i dont.i do in my own way but would prefer not to.every one thinks m mad.both my parent drove me mad thats what i feel.my father kept raping me..made me so wierd that i was always bullied in class..i become wierd .im so used to being treated badly .my mother who knows now did get me out of that house .but still plays with my emotion ignore me instigates me .doesnt give me tlc.ive gone mad just like my aunt.im 22 ..people think im crazy.no one like me.i dont get aon with any one.i have one bf.who really doesnt care and will oon leave me ..im all alone.i thot .illl rule the world when i grow up.bbut they ade me into my aunt who was alo vitim of child abuse.i will continue living like this .no one likes me .im going mad someone help me..i alway read in fairy tles one day prince charming will come and take u .i have never wanted nything more than this ending for me i ahave no faith in god.im a loser.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Pamela1

by Pamela
(South Carolina, USA)

Hurting inside: 
This is my first time ever disclosing any of the abuse I have suffered. Never really felt like it was worth telling because so many have been through so much worse than I have been. But since I have found the love of my life I have been thinking more and more about what I went through and how it is still destroying me today and decided I needed to seek help so I can have a happy full life with my partner.

I dont really remember what age every thing started just that I was young and so was the cousins that abused me. They were twin brothers only two years older then me and I looked up to them. I dont blame them for what they did they were kids too and I feel like it was probally happening to them some where and that is what caused them to do it to me.

I remember being pushed into the closet with one of them and being pushed to the floor while the other one held the door shut. He took my clothes off and started touching me. I was in shock I couldnt cry I couldnt even talk I dont think I even tried to fight or get away. He put his hands inside of me along with other objects but never himself. When he was done he stepped out and let the other one in he just touched me I was bleeding and by this time crying. He step out and stayed in the closet for what felt like hours until my mom and dad came to get me from my aunt's.

It only happened the once but started a path of self hate for me that has never ended. I have never told a sole what happened that day and never planned on it now. I believe I was about 8 at the time. By the time I was ten I had blocked it out of my mind until one day the son of the woman who babysit started talking about sex and pulled out porno mags he had found and I was interested in looking at them I guess out of curiosity I was ten at the time and had changes starting with my body. I wanted to see the naked women to see what I was turning into. He started calling me a lesbian and told me that I was nasty and needed to be with boys he started touching me but this time I was old enough to fight and I hit him and got up from the log we were sitting on and took off running through the woods but he was older by a few years and stronger and faster then me. He caught up to me and raped me I fought him the whole time leaving him with a black eye and busted lip which he made up some story to his mom about which caused her to call my parents to come get me right then and for me to get into trouble but for some reason I never told what had really happened.

By the time I was 12 I knew I was different I knew I liked girls not sure if it was because of what had happened to me or if was just who I was but I felt ashamed of it and searched for acceptance. I fooled around with boys and hid the fact that I was doing things with my best friend until one day we were caught by her grandparents and they reinforced my feelings about myself my telling me I was sick and the devil's child. So I decided I needed to prove them and everyone wrong and started having boyfriends. But inside I hated my self and became bulimic because it help me cope with the hate.

By the time I was 14 I found myself pregnant by the only guy I ever had consensual intercourse with. Wanting to do right by my child I married him. My parents signed for me too because they had been married at a very young age and had an amazin strong loving relationship I thought I would have the same instead I lived in 14 years of mental and sometime physical abuse. Through the whole marriage he pushed me to have relationships with women for his enjoyment. I did whatever he asked I wanted him to love me. We had two beautiful daughters together who are my world. But the last year of our marriage the abuse had become unbearable. I had done good for myself I had went back and finished school went to college and began a career in law enforcement. Which was also the career field he had chosen.

Every day I put on my uniform and felt like I was living a lie I responded to women who were being beaten by boyfriends and spouses and offered them help and support advised them to leave the abuser then went home at the end of my shift to mine. I decided I couldnt do it any longer that I didnt care any more what people thought I deserved to be happy so I left him. I came out to my family as a lesbian I have never been happier in my life but I have never let go of the pain the self hate the feelings of worthlessness.

Now at 31 I have found the love of my life found my place in Law enforcement working with juvenile victims. My daughters are proud of there mom they are 16 and 13 now and fine with my lifestyle. But with everything going my way and being on top of the world I still suffer from bulimia and still battle feelings of shame and hate towards myself.

Thank you for reading my story and i would love any advise or help you have to offer.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Adeyaline

by Adeyaline
(USA)


I am the eldest daughter. I have a younger sister. My parents were strict Christians, Mormon to be exact and my LDS church wasn't the best place to be. All the girls in my community couldn't speak unless spoken to and we weren't allowed to cut our hair or wear jeans like all the other girls.

One day at school my new friend told me I would look better if I cut my hair just a little bit. So I did and when I came home that night my father was not pleased. I tried to apologize but that wasn't good enough for him. He took off his belt and beat me about 20 times, I lost count after 20 actually he could've hit me more but I had lost consciousness. I was only 7. When he took me to the hospital he told them a rabid dog did it and they believed him.

When I turned 8 my mom had already arranged my marriage for me to this boy in my community I'll call J. He was 13 at the time. In my community they don't teach girls about sex or the human body. I wasn't to be married till twelve though but we still acted as husband and wife. According to the bible women had to be submissive to their husbands so I did as I was told by J. I had thought it was normal but it hurt and when I told him "no" he would beat me and then tell my father a lie and he would beat me also. I suffered this abuse for 4 more years until my god sister B came to visit Utah over summer break. My parents acted so differently when she was around. They didn't beat me and J never asked me to stay the night with him, they acted normal.

B had taken me to a hair salon one afternoon to get my hair done. She didn't know that I wasn't supposed to do anything to my hair unless my father or J approved of it. And I didn't know she had planned to dye my hair that day, it was supposed to be a surprise. When she took me home that day my father looked angry. He didn't yell at B or anything he just looked away. After B left he asked me to come into the bathroom. He and my mother were waiting for me in there with a bottle of bleach and tinsel wool. He forced my head under the running bath water while my mother bleached my brown hair and scrubbed it with the tinsel. Meanwhile B was walking down my street when she realized that she had my necklace in her pocket she came back in the house and saw what they were doing to me. The next day B didn't come over but it was her mother that did instead. She came over with the sheriff and started to yell at my father and mother. My parents denied everything but B's mother insisted that they ask me instead of my parents. But when they saw my hair (scalp rather) they didn't have to ask anything. They took me and my sister out of the house and I saw my mom and dad being forced into a police car.

For over a month they were fighting over us. The judge didn't think twice when B's mother asked to offer to take us in. My father however was put in jail for 8 years my mother 2. When I went to my town I went to say my goodbyes but I wasn't allowed to leave yet. J told me that I still belonged to him and that wasn't going anywhere and he raped me again and also beat me to the point that I had to be hospitalized. I was there for over a month. When I was released the doctors said I was pregnant. I didn't know what pregnant was at that point. My pediatrician explained to me what pregnant meant and how people get pregnant and about puberty and all that. My doctor said that I could get what she called an abortion. I didn't know what an abortion was either. My doctor explained it to me again. She told me it would be better for me if I got one. She said my growth was stunted and that my body wasn't ready to support another person. She also said that I wasn't mentally ready for it yet either. J thought otherwise though. He took me to court to ban me from having an abortion. He said when a girl has her period she's ready enough to have a baby but my doctor proved him wrong. The only thing that had gone through puberty was my reproductive system she said and that the rest of my body wouldn't go through the change till about 16. The judge said that I was allowed to get one up till 3 months I was 1 ½ months when I got mine. I remember going to the clinic and seeing a whole bunch of people out there. They called me names I didn't recognize but B said they were very bad names and that I shouldn't repeat them. It hurt when I got it done but it took 5 minutes and I felt sore. A week after that they had me testify against J who was now 17. I won that case and he was trialed as an adult. So now I'm here living with B and her family along with my sister.

Sometimes it hurts thinking about what had happened back in Utah. I don't know if I could tell my story verbally, writing is much better. I'm sorry that it took me a long time to write this I had blocked out some things and took me a while to remember them. It takes a while to get over abuse. I don't think anyone ever gets over it but it's important to move on. I'm going to really nice school and the people are nice. I cut my hair and when I get home and no one yells at me and I got my ears pierced too. I found new interest like reading and swimming. But memories still lurk their way back into my head.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Maria

by Maria
(Location Undisclosed)

I was born 10 months after my sister the princess. She was the apple of father's eye, she did no wrong and nothing was too good for her. Five years later my other sister, mother's favorite was born.

I had colic as a baby and was cared for every day by a wonderful neighbor lady who I loved with all my heart. She was the only person who ever made me feel loved, we had bonded.

According to my mother my father started abusing me as an infant. My big sister was sleeping through the night and now I was in the crib screaming from colic.

She says he used to shake the crib violently and hit me when I was about a month old. Of course I do not remember that but I do remember being very small and being terrified of him.

By the time I was about 5 I could take the beating and not cry, I was used to it.

Father used to pull my hair, slap me, kick me, punch me in the head. He also constantly teased me and called me names. At about the age of 10 he started screaming at me during his beat down sessions that I would grow up to be a whore and a prostitute and would bring shame to the family - SMACK "that's for the hippie you're going to bring home" SMACK "that's for the nigger you're going to bring home". He also made fun of me in public and humiliated me any chance he got. I do remember several occasions where people gave him pretty bad looks for being such a bully to his own daughter but no one ever stepped in and tried to stop it.

One time one of his waitresses told him he was being too rough on me (he was beating me up in the bathroom at his restaurant) and MAN did I get my ass kicked when I got home!

At the dinner table he used to glare at me as I tried to hide in my plate of food "why don't we get you a trough like a pig?!" or "Let's fill the bathtub full of food and give you a shovel you pig!" My mother said nothing and my sisters used to laugh.

Both of my sisters were showered with gifts, praise and attention. I was always told "NO" and I was the one to do without. Both sisters grew to see me as a lesser person, the lowest man on the totem and the lowest in pecking order.

Of course they were each worshipped and adored and neither wanted to believe that dear mommy or daddy could be abusive, mean and hateful - there must be something wrong with Maria, she is BAD and she deserves it. They also abused me in their own way.

Another huge problem was the fact that father was a businessman and he knew a LOT of people in town. He was very charming and attractive and people looked at him like he was some sort of celebrity or something. They would tell me all the time "what a WONDERFUL man" my father was and I would cringe. Also, people looked at our family like we were the perfect all-American family.

When I tell my story many are inclined NOT to believe it.

Both my sisters went to college I was told "NO". I was dropped off 70 miles away from home with a 25 yr. old mattress, no car, no television, no phone, no money. And nobody ever came to check on me either. My father dropped by a few times but he would just scream at me about how much money he had to keep putting in the princess' bank account "two hundred last week another hundred this week!!!"

Anyway, there is not enough room here to tell everything so I will end it with this - I was the TARGET CHILD - the one singled out to be abused by mostly my bully father but also by my mother.

I am 46 and to this day the family dynamic continued. Father dumped on me and now my children. Sisters disregard me and my feelings. I finally had enough and cut them all out of my life. They will never change and I refuse to live the second half of my life ender their contempt.

Child abuse is bad and leaves many scars. Especially target child abuse. In target abuse it adds another level of psychological abuse because the target child sees their siblings being treated with love and respect, they come to believe that they are somehow responsible or deserving of the horrible treatment.

"Look how they treat the others, there MUST be something wrong with ME." They also become used to the abusive treatment and will tolerate others treating them badly.
I know that nothing will ever change within the family dynamic so I have removed myself from it; they are all dead to me.




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Child Abuse Story From X

by X
(USA)

My Mother died of cancer going on ten years ago when I had just turned sixteen. In that ten years I have not missed her, but I have thought about the hurt she caused me in the past. I'm trying to learn to put those feelings of hurt behind me and move on as I am now a new mother myself. Somehow I feel sharing my story will help me get some of that hurt and anger out of me so I can continue on the path of being the happy person I am meant to be. I want to be more for my daughter.

I am technically the "middle" child of our family. My oldest brother was always gone, so our household consisted of my older sister, me, and my younger brother. My mom saw so much of herself in my older sister, her younger child was my father's only son and her pride and joy, and then there was me. I have repressed alot of the memories from my childhood, as expected, I would imagine, but there are some incidents that are clear as day to me that replay.

My sister and I used to co-bathe and being a curious 7 yr. old we were playing one day in the shower and I pretended to brush her hair with a razor. I don't know if I intetionally did this b/c I was angry at her and if so didn't realize it would cut some of her hair. My sister saw me do it and told my Mom. Yes, I should have gotten into trouble. But I was beat to the point where I remember thinking I'm going to die. I went to school the next day pulling clumps of my hair that were falling out in the bathroom stall, crying. She had back handed me so hard that I fell backwards into the closet where she took a fist full of my hair and was jerking my head around into the side of the closet door. I crawled into the closet and slept there.

There were incidences where I didn't make it in time to the toilet when I was sick and threw up in my bed and was called names b/c she had to clean the mattress. I remember being in church and being angry at God for what was happening to me, I am close to God now so please don't think I still feel this way, she would reach over and pinch me until I bled for not singing. She abused me where I was supposed to be safe. I remember her taking a belt to me on several occasions breaking them in half, and the one that resonates the most is when I put my hand to cover my butt and the belt sliced across my knuckles causing me to bleed on the floor which angered her more.

Another memory of mine is when she decorated for Christmas asking me if I liked the decoration on the stair rail, I should have known better than to say no b/c I got a right backhand to the face and was called a curse word and sent to my room. I never had the freedom my siblings had. To go anywhere I had to clean the house from top to bottom literally, my siblings rooms, her room, mop, sweep, etc. and even then I didn't always get to go. I can see needing to keep my room clean etc, but to play maid to the whole house while others could do as they please? She constantly was screaming my name for me to come in her room and get beat for something I didn't do. I now as an adult am afraid that at work I'm always going to get in trouble for calling in when sick, or for something I didn't do. I'm constantly apologizing when I did nothing wrong, my husband is always telling me to stop but I don't know how. How is everything not my fault when I grew up believing it was and being hurt emotionally and physically because of it. I had nightmares after she died of her screaming and abusing me, she can't hurt me anymore physically but the emotional abuse still lingers. It's odd to recall her as she is someone different to my sister. She was a good mother to her and I'm happy she got to experience that, but to me she only gave birth to me. There is more abuse I didn't outline but I feel at this time it's too much to divulge. I had no personal privacy or space there and was ridiculed. I feel like a new person now that she's no longer around and I wish I felt differently about it.

Thank-you for reading.




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Child Abuse Story From Tori

by Victoria
(Mayfield, KY, USA)

I'm a 19 year old female and my abuse lasted from when I was 6 all the way up to 19. In fact, I don't think the abuse ever stops if you're still affected by it.

My parents thought this babysitter would be a great idea. A young man from the community church and from a good Christian family. I was 6 then, and a blonde-haired blue eyed little whelp that probably couldn't run very fast. J started abusing me then, because he couldn't get girls his own age to do anything with him. So he went to me, someone he could catch. I still have nightmares about running away and into the bathroom upstairs and him locking himself up there with me. That continued until my brother turned 12. I would have been 10 and we would have been old enough to be alone for a couple of hours.

When I was 13, I told my parents what happened. They listened, but didn't believe me. I guess that was when I hated them. Because they never took action, it drove a pretty big gap between me and them.

From 13-18, I dated a guy who emotionally abused me. Nobody believed me then either. Last year, I tried committing suicide and got locked up in a psych ward for 2 weeks. Still nothing helped. J called my parents "mom" and "dad". I still hated them.

I sometimes still see the guy I dated during those years. Even still let him touch me and handle me. But now, I don't let the pain in. Just turn it off. I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. I just try to get through these days like any other person.

Tori




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Child Abuse Story From Tania1

by Tania
(USA)

Abused for being black: 
To cut the long story short, my mom cheated on my dad. 9 months later i was born. But i was a little girl of dark colouring instead of white.

The abuse came from my 'dad'. When i was very young i believed he was actually my dad, although i learnt the truth when i was a bit older.

My first memory of my dad abusing me was when i was 3. He would call me racist names, never by my own name. I didn't know what they meant but they did hurt me. Aside from the verbal abuse he would also beat me. It wasn't just me he beat though. He also beat my mom. My mom didn't know i knew this but the first time i heard it was late at night when i was walking near their bedroom. i heard him swear at my mom and i heard whimpers coming from the bedroom.

When i was 6 years old he started to sexually abuse me. He continued to have oral sex with me until i was 9 years old - at that age he started raping me. I asked him why he hurt me and his answer was because i was born dirty. I realised at that age that he hurt me because of the colour of my skin. It was at that age that i found out he wasnt really my dad. I never told anyone what he was doing to me because i knew he would hurt me if i told.

My mom gave birth to another baby when i was 11 years old. A little boy. He was the same colour as both my mom and 'dad'. When he came into our lives my dad stopped sexually abusing me. But the physical abuse and verbal abuse still continued. And he still hurt my mom too.




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Child Abuse Story From Michael Z

by Michael Z
(Massachusetts, USA)

I am a 38 yr old male who was verbally, and emotionally abused growing up as a teen and into adulthood. Since my preteens and well into my late twenties I had a very difficult relationship with my mother and father, especially between myself and my mother. My mother was often very controlling, domineering, bossy, opinionated and critical. She often felt she knew everything and frequently would tell me what to do or what not to do. My mother would often have something critical and negative to say to me. Seldom did I go without having to hear a long lecture or sermon from her or some kind of critical remark or comment. I often was punished for my mistakes and decisions and for my own feelings. There where occasions my mother and father would verbally put me down or talk down to me. They often used a tone of voice that was demeaning, degrading or insulting. There tone of voice and how they talked to me was one of superiority over me and they knew best and something was wrong with me, especially when I made my own mistakes or anything that they perceived to be unacceptable to them or different from their point of view. I seldom heard or received words of support, praise or encouragement from them. As I have stated I often received criticism. There were times I was talked to in a demeaning and degrading sort of way, which included name calling such as "Why did you do that for? you can be stupid sometimes". Both my father and mother would often be the first ones to start an argument and provoke me. My mother was very good at nagging and offering frequently critical remarks and comments. I had two brothers and I was the oldest child. I was the only one who was expected to help out with the housework and when my brothers did not follow through on their end helping out with the housework there was very little they received from my parents, when I slacked off I was given a hard time by my parents even though more was expected of me helping out around the house. My mother wanting to have everything perfect around the house would often give me a hard time if the work I performed did not meet her perfect standards. In the past I had ended my relationship with both of my parents, however two years ago I reconnected with them and things are going much better since I do not spend as much time talking with them and I live on my own. I only share some information about my life with my so as not having to hear critical remarks from them.




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Child Abuse Story From Simone2

by Simone
(California, USA)

I have gone through Psychological and Physical Abuse. My parents have been 'spanking' me my entire life because they said I needed a 'punishment'. But, in 6th grade, it got worse, they would do it more often. I thought this was normal, because a couple of my friends in elementary said that it happened to her friend as well. When I got bad grades they would give me a really big talk and then they'd say, "Come over here, it's time," and they'd hit me three times. One time I lied to my friend's mom, saying that I had had a book I needed for school and she didn't need to buy it for me, because they didn't have a lot of money. My dad found out and he hit me 10 times in a row. I never lied again.

When I was 12, my carpool's grandma said that when parents hit their children, it was considered child abuse. I had never heard the word abuse before.

In 7th grade they started calling me names and yelling at me, I guess this would be called Verbal Abuse, but it doesn't hurt me as much as everything else. When I was 13, during the summer break, my mom told me to vacuum the living room, and I told her I'd be there in a minute, when I got there a couple of minutes later, she got so mad at me for not vacuuming right then and there that she screamed at me and hit me so hard I fell on the ground. When I was on the ground, she started to kick me there repeatedly.

Last summer, my mother was going to punch my face, but I blocked it with my hand and it sprained it for a couple of days so I could not move it. My grandpa was there and he didn't do anything.

Now I am in 9th grade, and the same things have been done to me over and over again. But, I have tried to tell them to stop and my dad has told me that I am warping reality to make myself the victim.

I have told a couple of my friends, but not any adults... I don't know if I should.

Thank you.




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Child Abuse Story From Alex3

by Alex
(Location Undisclosed)

I dont really know if this is considered abuse. My dad never tells me he loves me and he always acts weird around me. He rarely talks to me. He never does anything for me. He doesn't really act like dad.




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Child Abuse Story From Sarah5

by Sarah
(USA)

Seeking Help: 
I am 28 years old. When I was 15, I found out that my older sister had been molested by an adult in the family. Although I felt awful that she went through that, everyone just moved on from it and didn't do anything.

Six months ago, I was lying in bed alone and I had what I thought was a dream... I was three years old and my sister was forcing me to French kiss her...I tried to push her away, but with her being seven years older, I couldn't... I woke up abruptly and although I thought it was disturbing, I tried to shrug it off...

A month ago, I had another "dream" of her touching me between my legs... and since then, I have had a mini glimpses of other things that were done to me... I started to believe that these weren't dreams after all, and until this day, these visions have been devastating to me, and are consuming me.

I am very close with my sister so this hurts all the more. She doesn't know I remember. I want to forgive her; in fact, I am trying but it's hard because I think of the abuse. I am torn between the sister I have loved dearly all my life, and the pain I am remembering. I don't blame her for it because it happened to her as a child, but it still hurts... I don't know if I should come out with the news because this would devastate my whole family... I feel like I need to protect her by keeping this to myself. But at the same time it is tearing me apart...

My fiancé knows about my sister being abused and refuses to associate himself with my extended family because they did nothing to help my sister after she came out with the news, and refuses to be at any family gathering where a child molester is welcome. And now that I am having these visions... I know I need to tell him but I don't know how... He is very protective of me, and we had agreed that our children will not go to family gatherings when the molester is present... Now that this is happening, I am afraid that he will no longer want to associate with my immediate family and tell me that I need to stay away from my sister...

I really need some help here...




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Child Abuse Story From Mari1

by Mari
(USA)

Now that the years have passed I can't remember my age the first time I was "touched" by my uncle. I think I may have been 7. We were visiting some relatives from my parents native country and that day I wanted to buy some candy. I couldn't find my parents so I ran over to my uncle's house next door to see if they were there and ran into my Uncle T. I asked for my parents and he wanted to know why...I said I wanted money for candy and he told me they weren't there but that he would give me the money on one condition. Being young and naive I said okay. He told me he wanted a kiss. As he leaned down for it I attempted to give him a kiss on his cheek but he quickly moved his head and kissed me on the lips hard and rapidly moved his hands under my dress. I quickly felt uneasy and started kicking him. He got surprised and released me. As soon as he did I took off running and I could hear him laughing. Before we returned back home to the U.S.A. I bought a bunch of fireworks but couldn't bring them back with me because they are illegal to cross over the border. And my uncle offered to put them away for me. I never told my parents or anyone what happened even though I knew it was wrong.

The following summer we returned back and I was anxious for my fireworks. My uncle had moved and I asked him where my stuff was. He said they were at his new home and asked my parents for permission to take me to pick them up at his place. My parents said yes but I was hesitant. I said I didnt want to go and ran outside to play with cousins. He followed after me and convinced me to go but I grabbed one of my male cousins who was my same age and dragged him along with me. My uncle was upset because I brought him along but I said I wasnt going anywhere unless he came along. He gave in and accepted. To my horror as soon as we arrived to his new house he gave my cousin money and sent him away to buy candy. I pleaded with him not to leave me alone with our uncle but my uncle shooed him away. My cousin didnt understand. He dragged me inside his house and told me to sit on his bed while he looked for the fireworks. He had a studio apartment so the bed was right there when you walked in. He turned and pretended to look for the fireworks. I was smart enough to know that he wasn't really looking. I attempted to hurry up and run out but he quickly grabbed me and threw me on the bed. I know he could tell that I was horrified by doing that and he started to pretend to tickle me and blow bubbles on my tummy. As he was blowing bubbles on my tummy he was trying to pull my pants down. When I realized what he was doing I started yelling and screaming as loud as I could. He got scared at my reaction and as soon as he lifted himself a bit off of me I started kicking him as hard as I could. And when I fully got him off of me I ran as quick as I could out of his apartment and out into the street. At that point my cousin was coming back and I ran up to him and hugged him so hard. I pleaded with him to not leave me alone. My uncle then caught up to me and he looked nervous. He quickly got us back into his car and returned us home. I never dared get close to him again or even give him a hello. He never got close to my family again either. He knew what he was trying to do. I never told...until I found out he got married and had a daughter of his own. I became frightened for her and that is when I told my family the truth. Not much was done but it was off my chest. I purposely gained weight and had bed wetting problems. But I survived.

Unfortunately years later my sister told me another family member was attempting to take advantage of her after my ordeal and begged me not to tell. I told her I wouldn't but I lied. I immediately told my mom and saved her out of that situation. We should never be ashamed and keep these kinds of secrets!




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Child Abuse Story From Lilly S

by Lilly S
(New Jersey, USA)

When i was younger I had a great life! My mom Spoiled me and my sister, we had everything we ever wanted. My mom to us was the best mom ever in the WHOLE world lol.My mom and father had problems. He was an alchohalic and my mom got tired of it eventually. They divorced, My sister and I went on with our lives with our mom and had occasinal visits to my fathers, You know the normal mother father divorce thing.

Any way, My mom re married a great man and my sister and i called him dad, and my father re married as well. All was fine untill we started visiting my father and his New wife. We would stay there on the weekends, go home on mon the normal stuff, so my mom thought. Behind the doors it was hell for my sister and I. My father's NEW wife was horrible. I had to be about 3 or 4 i belive and she use to beat me. Any little thing would make her mad. She eventually had her own children and was very jealouse of my mom and my sister and I. She never touched her own children just me. She never touched my sister as far as i know.

She use to lock my sister and I outside all day and wouldnt give us food, she would make us go to the bathroom in a bucket in the shed. When we were inside we were locked in our rooms. When she would feed us she would cover it in pepper and make us eat every bite. If we didnt she would hit me and force me to. I recall one day she got so mad at me that she dragged me up her wooden stairs by my hair and locked me in a closet. honestlly at the time i just thought it was a small room. I was wrong. I can recall another night she was having a bad bad and took it out on me and during a bad bad thunder and lightning storm and made me stay up all night in a corner in the hallway by her room. I wasnt aloud to move or make one sound.

Still to this day i hate storms they scare me so bad! Anyway my sister came out to get me and lay with me to comfort me and calm me down from crying. My fathers wife i guess came out to see if i was still there and I wasnt. She was mighty mad. She grabbed me and put me back in the corner and yelled at my sister. My father was always way too drunk to notice what was going on. he was so oblivious its amazing someone can be that drunk. Eventually my mom starting noticing the bruses more and more. not the ocasinal bruse here and there. She was furious! She went to my fathers house and lost her mind. My father called her a lier and said she would never touch me and mom showed him my arms and legs and he still to her face called her a lier. My mom went to court and won full custody of my sister and I. My father and his wife were not aloud near us.

After that I was not the happiest little girl. i was always scared of the dark, i was angry all the time. Not at my mom but i think just in general from my fathers wife. My mom sent me to therapy and everything and it helped alot. But one day while we were shopping we ran into my fathers wife and i freaked out i was crying and screaming because i was so scared, that mom said enough! We moved two hours away to a nice country little town and a big house with a huge yard! After that My life was GREAT! The time with my father and his wife were horrible but when i wasnt there My mom made me life amazing! i had a great child hood and i wouldnt change anytihng about it. I think my fathers wife made me a stronger person and made me who i am today. I'm not going to lie im still bitter and still angry but alot stronger. I love my mom for taking that big step and big move for my sister and I, it still brings tears to my eyes. And I love my sister so much for protecting me as much as she could in those bad times.

My family means the world to me and I couldnt ask for a better one. Some advice to anyone who's going threw this right now, stay strong, ASK for help, and speak up!! Dont let anyone bully you. And if you find your way out therapy is a great way to get help. I was stuborn for a while and thought therapy was stupid and would make me weak. But i promisse you, it helps.

God Bless Everyone, and good luck in life. I wish you nothing but LUCK and welness!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Alaynna Part 1

by Alaynna
(USA)

I'm 15 now but alot of the memories of my step dad are still fresh in my head, and there isn't really a day that goes by when I don't think about what happened. It all started when I was about 6. My dad passed away that year and my mom had to get a second job to support me and my two little brothers. They were both 4 at the time. In the process she met my step dad. Before they actually married though my cousin, who lived right down the street, would come over and watch us at night when she worked. She was 15 at the time. Soon my step dad (then my mom's boyfriend) started coming over before my mom got back from work. He did this a few times, and on two occasions I walked in on him covering my cousin's mouth. The first time he just looked up at me, looked back down at her, and continued what he was doing like I wasn't standing there. I didn't really understand it. The second time he came over to me and sat me next to her on the couch. That was when I knew something was wrong because she kept looking at me and crying. He made her sit on his lap and touch him. I'm sure he did this more times and it was probably alot worse, but after the second time I just stayed in my room and pretended to sleep. My cousin always went to check on my brothers, then me after he left. And the sad thing is, I don't think she ever told anyone about it or that she even knows that I remember.

When I was 8 my cousin moved away. My brothers were 6 now. By this time my step dad had proposed to my mom and nothing bad between me and him had happened. But things started changing towards the end of the school year. I was in 3rd grade and the lady across the street couldn't pick us up from school. So my step dad did. He dropped my brother's off at my aunt's house and I was supposed to be going to a birthday party, but instead he took me to get ice cream. He said that I got to be a big girl for a day and that I wouldn't want to spend it at a birthday party. I told him I wanted to go but he ignored me and he took me back to his house. I remember crying because I didn't want to get out of the car and he left me in there and told me to come in when I stopped acting like a baby. Well eventually I got out of the car and went inside. He was sitting on the couch with only a towel wrapped around his waist. I asked him why he was naked (my mom used to tell me that being naked was when you're stomach was showing) He didn't answer me but had this odd smile on his face that in time I'd come to get used to. He told me to come and sit on his lap so he could tell me a secret. And I did. Then he had a sad look on his face and I asked him what was wrong and he turned me around to face him and said that he needed a kiss to make him feel better because I hurt his feelings earlier. So I kissed him on the cheek because I actually felt bad for him. Then he told me he needed a hug too. When I hugged him he held me there and rocked back and forth. When he finally let go he told me to get back in the car and wait for him. So I did...This is what started it all. He told me to do something and I did it...stupidly. When I look back at this thats exactly how I feel, but I have to keep telling myself that I was only 8 and there's no way I could've known any better.

So from there it only got worse. My step dad married my mom just a few days before my 9th birthday. When they got back from their honeymoon, me and my brothers moved in with my step dad. His name was G. I called him by his first name, and my brother's always called him dad because they didnt remember too much about our real dad. Sometimes I would get in trouble for calling him G in front of friends and family. He always wanted me to call him Dad but I refused to. The first time I got in trouble for this was when his family came over for Thanksgiving dinner. When everyone left and my mom was in the kitchen cleaning up he picked me up out of my room and had his hand over my mouth then he went to the bathroom and locked the door. I asked him what he was doing and he ignored me and turned on the bath water. He told me not to make a sound or he would give me a spanking. (At this point, he'd never hit me before. It was just random touches while passing each other, coming into my room at night, standing in a line, or sitting in a car, but only when no one was looking.) When the tub was half way full he jerked me up and told me to get in it. I said no and tried to run out but he grabbed me and put a towel over my face. Then all I remember is feeling water all around me. I was kicking my legs because I couldn't get up. He was holding me down until I almost felt like I was going to either black out or attempt to take a breath. But he let me up enough to breathe and moved the towel. I started crying for my mom but she couldn't here me because the water was still running. So I'm not sure for how long or how many times he did it but it felt like forever that he'd hold me under until I couldn't hold my breath and then let me back up. When he stopped and let me completely up I'm not exactly sure what happened. I don't remember anything from then until the next morning. I guess I finally did black out.

At 10 I'd learned to avoid him as much as possible. He had a very bad temper. My brothers began noticing this too. My mom of course knew nothing. He was the best husband in the world for all she was concerned. But I don't blame her too much anymore. He was always so nice to her, and always gentle with her. When me and my brother's were with them together he was always so nice, but as soon as my mom would leave he'd just change. He started hitting, kicking, pushing, and literally picking me up and throwing me when he got mad. When something would break, I was blamed. When my brothers were bruised either because of him or their roughness, it was always my fault and I'd get slapped around even more. My mom didn't know. She never did see the other side of him. He only hit my brothers, nothing more. I was happy he didn't hurt them as much as he did to me. That still wasn't good enough though. I didn't want him to touch them at all.

Continued in Part 2




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Child Abuse Story From Alaynna Part 2

by Alaynna
(USA)

Continued from Part 1: 
When I was 11 the touching got worse. I didn't really understand the touching when it was happening but I couldn't stop it and I just couldn't tell him to stop. It was always him just coming into my room at night assuming that I wanted it. I hated it so much and would hate myself when he was done but could never say anything. Soon he'd make me touch him too. I would always cry in the beginning but soon it was just something I'd gotten used to doing every night, or if I was lucky every other night. When I was 12 I finally realized that I had to tell someone. It came to me in my 7th grade health class. We had a unit about abuse and different kinds of abuse. When we did this unit my heart always sank and I always felt like I just had to puke. And my hands would always sweat or shake. I had always told myself that maybe this is what happened to alot of other girls, but all of the kids in the class seemed to take the subject so lightly. I talked to my best friend about it and she asked me why I was so interested in that unit. I told her I didn't know. And we never talked about it again.

By 8th grade, I was 13, the beatings got worse, and the touching wasn't really just "touching" anymore. One night he decided to take me completely. I fought him as hard as I could but nothing I did was going to prevent what he had on his mind. And that was that. I missed school for about a week. Or I guess you could say I skipped school. I felt so bad and I was so angry at myself for letting it happen. G on the other hand just walked around like nothing had happened. When I did go back to school, pretty much everyone had noticed I was gone. I was a straight A student all my life up until then. After that my grades dropped. My last semester of 8th grade my grades didn't get any higher than a C. All my teacher's noticed and FINALLY my mom noticed. That was all I needed was for her to actually notice something.

When school let out for summer I told my mom everything. Everything he'd ever done to me and to my brothers. We both cried. And she thought that she was a bad mother for not doing something sooner. I still tell her it wasn't her fault because she honestly didn't know, but for some reason I always felt like it was mine. I still do a little, but not as much. I was just happy to be able to get it off my shoulders. It was like a huge weight being lifted. We went to the police with it. He was arrested and now he's exactly where he deserves to be.

After everything he put me through I'm just happy I still have the strength left to move on with my life. I still think about it alot but friends and family help me get through it all. Oh and my grades are back up :). When I graduate I want to help children like me get out of bad situations. I keep looking back at my brothers and I feel like I failed them, but if I could just help one person suffering from abuse, what I went through and my experience might actually have been worth it. In the end it's all just made me that much of a better person.




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Child Abuse Story From Katherine1

by Katherine
(British Columbia, Canada)

I don't know if my teacher is a creep or if its just me. every time we have silent reading he is always staring at me while i read and i can always feel his eyes on me. one time he called me a sexy chick to my face and his smile was just way uncomfortable. when my class was coming in from P.E. he did one of his creepy smiles and winked at me. on another occasion some friends were teasing this girl and i was there but not really involved and he totally singled me out and only talked to me about it. one of the worst things he ever did was at an award ceremony he sat beside me and when everything was dark he put his hand on my thigh and proceeded to rub it. i don't know about you but i think that is supper creepy. there was a lot more but they are extremely hard to explain. I'm just curious because i told someone about all of this and they told me i was just over reacting but i feel it was a concerning matter

thanx for reading this




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Child Abuse Story From Katherine1 Part 2

by Katherine
(British Columbia, Canada)


Forever Alone: 
I'm all alone in this cursed world
No one to confide in, to even talk to
My brain is all wrong, I'm so abnormal
But these hands on my body scare me the most
For they hurt me the most. Day in, day out
I fight for control of what is rightfully mine
But the power to say no is nearly gone
My body shakes back and forth
For fear of what I'm about to do
But I need the release, the momentary pleasure
To escape from my fears, my worries and failures
So I pick up the razor and my emotions implode
I'm fat, I'm useless. That's what I thought
But now all I can do is fixate on that blade
The cool sharp sting slowly streaming across my skin
As the blood starts to appear
In little beads of crimson
As it slips down my arm
And starts to make a pool on the floor
No one understands the pain I feel
No one understands my hurt
So I sit in a pool of my blood
And silently scream for help
But no one listens, no one hears
No one comes rushing in to save me
So I just sit on the floor and I look at what I've done
Memories flash through my head
Nights spent in horror
Anticipation of what he would do to me
Force himself inside of me
Lick me all over and tell me to shut up
And what kills me the most inside
Is that I enjoyed every second
But he was right, I am so stupid
Stupid for doing this to myself
Oh! My stupid little hands
How they ruined my life
Ten cuts turn into hundreds
And all I want to do is stop
But no one will listen, no one will help
I just pray that next time
I won't go too deep
For I'll do it again, just you wait and see
Because I'm forever alone in my own little prison




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Child Abuse Story From John G

by John G
(Massachusetts, USA)

I suffered physical and mental abuse between 7 through 18 years: 
I was told at age seven that from now on I would have to set the table and after eating clean the table off. Wash the dishes wipe them and put them away and sweep up the floor. I was the oldest of 5 boys and no sisters. When I was eight I was told from now on I would be responsible for my brothers behavior. You just know my brothers soon learned they could do anything to me they wanted and I could not touch them or hit them and the few times I did I was sent into the back room of our house to wait for my father. When my father came into the room he closed the door behind him and came over to me telling me what I shouldn't have done. He would slap me very hard across my face. His fist would close and the slap became a punch that often times would pick me up off my feet and carry me across the room where I would end up on the floor wetting my pants uncontrolably. He would then take off his big lether belt and hit me with it 6 to 12 times. He often then would kick me in my rear as hard as he could. These beatings were heard everywhere in the house because I would be screaming during all of this time. It would take from a few weeks to a few months for the aches and pains to go away. I hated living in this house with my family. My mother knew what was going on during these beatings and did nothing to stop them, never said a word never even looked into how I was after the beatings. In fact she had ratted on me a couple of times and was wrong on what she said had happened that resulted in my getting another beating. My mother and father never in my life time until I joined the USAF at 18 years of age ever said they loved me in words or in actions. The only time they ever touched me was to hit me. When I started school in the first grade I remember all the mothers staying there during the morning period for the first day which was expected at that time. My mother said she had to go shopping and was the only mother who left their child there and left. I was never told why I had to go to school so I went home for lunch and found my mother washing clothes and then I knew my mother had lied to me about going shopping because when she went shopping she never washed clothes, washing clothes was an all day job. When I was around 8 or 9 years old I received a pair of ice skates from santa clause for christmass when they knew I haited ice skating and would never use them. The part that bothered me the most though was the fact that these ice skates were used and old and my fathers which he didn't use anymore. They couldn't even once a year get me something new. From then on I never looked under the christmass tree to see what I received for christmass and my mother stopped putting anything under the tree for me and I was never asked why I didn't bother with christmass. I would have runaway from home many times but at that time they would bring you back and my father would have killed me for sure for running away. When I was finished with high school I was going to be drafted so I joined the USAF and got out of my house. I had little or nothing to do with my family after that. I haited my brothers because they used me knowing they could do anything they wanted to me and get away with it and they did. I would see my family only at weddings or funerals for the next 40 years and didn't miss them at all. We had no family love it was killed off at the begining. I felt like one in a litter not part of a family. Twenty some odd years after I left home my father died and I went to see my mother a few times and felt very uncomfortable seeing her. The mother son relationship that should have been there was never there. I cant find words to describe just how I felt because I have never heard of or known any mother son relationship that was like ours. She would send me birthday cards signed mother not love mother. What did I ever do that earned this kind of treatment, nothing I was a little slave boy who was told by his father in front total strangers to shut up and be seen and not heard which would embarrass the stranger and my self. I learned growing up to stay away until I had to be home and to keep my mouth shut. After seeing my mother a few times after my father died, I decided to tell her that I would be leaving and never coming back because I felt very strange. I told her the mother son relationship that should be here never was and I cant continue to lie to myself that you are my mother, your not. Yes you had me, you brought me into the world but you were never a mother to me ever, not for one day, not for one minute, not for one second. I left her she never said a word, never made a move, never showed any emotion whatsoever. She said nothing or did nothing to defend herself and I left. I went to see her some 22 years later in a nursing home about a year before she died. She didn't know who I was when my daughter who was with me at the time told her that the man standing next to her was her oldest son. She said that I was not her son. She was correct because you see I never had a mother.




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Child Abuse Story From John G Part 2

by John G
(Massachusetts, USA)

Child abuse story physical and mental: 
I was the oldest of 5 boys and no sisters. My father made me responsible for by brothers behavior when I was 7 years old. At the time I didn't think to much about that but I soon learned it would cause me no end of pain. My brothers learned to use and abuse me nearly anyway they wanted and get away with it. When I touched them I got a beating from my father which was delivered as hard as the man could punch and strap a little boy. When he hit or punched it would be as hard as he could hit which would knock me down on the floor and I would be screaming and urinating in my pants from fright and pain from the blows. My mother who was in the kitchen could hear me screaming and she did nothing to stop it in fact she never even acknowledged it happened. I learned to stay away from my brothers and only came home when I had to be in the house each night. I never in my life time had a conversation with my mother or father that was over 10 words long. They just told me what to do and when to do it. I never heard my mother and father talk about anything that was not associated with what was necessary to running the house. I never heard them talk about anyone or anything ever. If they talked about anything it was not while I was around. My parents never touched me ever except to hit me and my mother never hit me. I never ever touched my mother even by accident ever. We never hugged, kissed embraced in any way shape or fashion ever. We didn't even shake hands. When I went away in the military during the Korean war we never even shook hands, we just said good bye. They didn't even take me to the train station when I left, friends took me. Half way through basic training we could get off the base for the weekend and when asked when were my parents coming to get me I said my parents were dead and when asked what about other relatives I said I was an orphan and had no relatives. I knew my parents wouldn't come up and take me off the base. I lived in a three family house and my fathers mother and father lived in the 2nd floor apt and in ten years I was in there one time. My grand father would come and go nearly every day he never said a word to me ever. My parents never in my lifetime ever gave me one red cent. My mother never said 10 words to me at any one time ever, forget about my father I stayed away from him completely. After I left home around 18 years of age I had little or nothing to do with my family and saw them only at weddings or funerals. About twenty years after leaving home my father died and I went to see my mother a few times but felt very strange visiting with her. I told her that I would be leaving and never coming back to see her. She said nothing to me and I couldn't tell from her facial expression what she was thinking. I told her the relationship we should have had we never did and that she never ever was a mother to me yes she brought me into the world but that was it. I didn't see her for twenty years except at funerals once in a while and when we saw each other we had nothing to say. I saw her in a nursing home two years before she died and my daughter who was with me said to her that this man standing next to her was her oldest son and she replied that I was not her son. She was correct because you see I never had a mother. All my life during the early part at least I was a very angry man, had a very bad temper, was very possessive, was suicidal and only by the good grace of god did i survive those years. No one ever said I did anything good or well, no one ever said anything good about me and I worked in many fields professionally to prove I was worth something. I became a licensed Aircraft mechanic with the FAA, a licensed Electronics officer in the us merchant marine, an unrestricted licensed builder An excavating contractor with 7 major items of equipment. I worked as a tech in metallurgy at MIT running all sorts of metal working machines assisting students in getting their doctorates degree. I became a franchised dealer selling laser beams to the construction industry for alignment purposes. I have been striving to find peace all my life and after many hours on the web I discovered we are the product of our genes first and foremost. We are a copy of our parents like it or not, 2nd we are the product of our environment especially the early years and lastly we are the product of our soul. I hated who I was because I was to much of my father and after having my testosterone level checked out found that I had extremely high testosterone levels. I saw a doctor and went on medication to reduce my testosterone and to my great surprise I started to lose my anger and all the negative feelings I had all my life. Taking this medication has dramatically changed who I am and for the first time in my life I can cry and feel emotional about things around me. I finally got the monkey off my back and my parents no longer control who I am.




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Child Abuse Story From John G Part 3

by John G
(Massachusetts, USA)

Physical and mental abuse: 
I was physically abused by my father and mentally abused by both parents until I could get away and the day I could I did. I have a severe case of PTSD as a result of the beatings I received by my father. My mother heard me scream during the beatings, she never acknowledged they happened. She never even looked to see if I was still alive after the beatings. It often took several minutes for me to be able to get up off the floor after the beatings. My parents gave me what the law required and no more for ever. The only time either parent ever touched me was my father when he hit me. Neither parent ever said they liked me forget that they loved me. I had to do all the chores my mother need done. I would have run away from home but during those days they would just bring you back to the place you ran away from. I knew my father would have killed me for sure if I did that. I felt as a little 7 or 8 year old boy any place I could go had to be better than the place I had to call home. I went to see my mother after my father died to see if she would be different now that he was gone. She was the same as she had always been no difference. I told her that I hated the way I felt towards her and that she had never been a mother for me ever. Yes you had me, you brought me into the world but you were never a mother to or for me. I told her I would be leaving in a few minutes and I would never be back, I will never see you again. She said nothing the expression on her face also said nothing and I turned and left. When I closed the door I felt a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders. Sad to say it was the happiest day of my life, I felt finally free. I didn't see her for 22 years until she died, she was never a mother to me, ever. I never had a mother.
I am now 78 years old and the pain and anger is utterly unbearable at times. That was some 65 to 70 years ago and from my perspective not much has changed since then. The justice system by its actions causes a lot of abuse on innocent children they supposedly are protecting. In divorce cases let the children decide who they want to live with and when until they are adults and can leave on their own. (The courts know better) Who knows the parents better than the children of these parents. Let the children decide which parent or both and when and for how long. Also let them decide if neither parent do they want to live with. Its because little children don't know whats good for them, so says the system. In my opinion I know the children are much smarter about who loves them and who doesn't and things would be a lot better for the little ones if that happened. Little children should also be taught in school very early on to speak up when it comes to child abuse. They need to know when they are being abused in all its forms and what to do about it before it happens not after. I know I have lived it all my life and you have no idea how angry I am about child abuse. Thank you for listening to me about child abuse.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Milla

by Milla
(USA)

It just started a little while ago Its not phisical abuse it is more like mental. Well my mom keeps saying that she cant trust me and i know ive done some things wrong but nothing horrible. My dad keeps calling me a dumbass and stupid and other mean things. I always get in trouble for things my sister does. It may not seem that bad but I really feel unloved and i have been thinking about running away.




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Child Abuse Story From Milla Part 2

by Milla
(USA)

I have previously written my story and I cant get it out of my head there is something I remember.....Something that I dont know if its a dream or not....Well here it goes. Lets start from the very beginning. I remember being sexually abused by my neighbors. The weird thing about it was my neighbor was a mere child about 2 years older than me he would always play dolls with me but then the fun got out of hand.....I was only 4 or 5 when this happened so I dont know about my memory. All I know is he made me take off my clothes...It makes me so sick that someone could do that but one thing that sickens me more is someone else did something to me 1 year later. I was about 5 or 6 im pretty sure I was 6. My best friend was really nice he would walk me home and back from school everyday he was about 9 then. Anyway one day when we were walking home from school there was a huge bush by our apartment complexes and he told me that there was a cool place back there if only i would have known....All he got to do was kiss me before i fell down and crawled inbetween his legs. Im so lucky he fell into that bush because he would have caught me. Eventually I got back home. Now I am being emotionally abused and phiscally abused. Lets start with emotional

My dad calls me a dumba** and stupid and a hoodrat and other terrible things. And my mother on the other hand says Im not trusted and wont believe me when I tell her the truth. Now with the physical.

My sister is allowed to do whatever she wants to me and she is only 10 and I am 12. My sister gets treated like a princess and I am treated like the slave that no one wants, the one who gets all her pride taken away from her and what can she do about it.....absoloutely nothing. If I layed one finger on her she would beat me to hell. I do not got the patcience for this. I feel it is right to get away and run to the hills. But how would I ever get out? I wouldnt. Simple as that.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Milla Part 3

by Milla
(USA)

I dont Even Know Where to Start.....The Pain, the Suffering, The Helplessness. I guess I just Feel Like Im Nothing. I am. I Have Nothing. I am Treated Like Nothing. I have Lived Up To Be Nothing. I am Missing and I dont Know How To Find Myself. I am Teary-eyed and No one Notices. I am Not Worth Anything to Anyone. Once in a while I have those Happy Moments with My Family and Then Its Over. I Am A Stupid Dumba** Hoodrat! I am A TroubleMaker! I Can Do Better Than That! I Cant Be Friends With Him! Im Smarter Than That! Im The Oldest I should Know Better! These are The Simple Words That Come out of Thier Mouths.....These are The Words That Make Me Feel Like Nothing. Now off To The Next Part in This Satanic Passage......The Only Scary Thing About it Is That It Is Really Happening, To ME. I Give up On Feeling My Whole Body Is Trembling with Complete Numbness. My Heart, Cold and Dark. My Eyes, Deep and Soul-Less. I may Seem Like That quirky Little 13 Year Old Girl.....But You Havent Even Met Me. I Am Beaten but By Who? I Bet You Cant Guess. Well I can Tell You I guess.. My Dear Younger Sister....Yeah Im Talking About the One EVERYONE Loves....Well Most People. And Her Anger, Its Taken Out On Me......Im Her Own Personal Punching Bag....Oh and When Shes Angry I Have Bruises, Bite Marks, Scratches, Hair Pulled Out Of my Head. I strictly Cant Fight Back.It Doesnt matter How Hard She Hits I Cant Do Anything But Sit There and Wait Till It Ends. When The Tears Fall She, Hits Harder When I scream Stop, She Hits Harder. No Concequences For The Princess Though Only For Me....The Real Good One. That Little One I call My Sister is Satan! And When She Is around People That Make Fun Of Her Guess What she Does She Hits Me and Calls Me a B***h and A S**t and A Whore. Does She Not Know That Words Like That Hurt...While She Beats Me Words That Seem So Simple Pierce My Heart...And Hands That Seem So Open Hit My Body with A Stinging Passion. As She Does It She Laughs at Me....Is This Funny To Anyone Else? To Me..No! To Little 5th Graders.....Of Course! I Feel Helpless as She Slaps Me and Yells Vile Names and Giggles. She is Uncontrolable and I am Her Target For all of this Rage.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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