Child Abuse Story From Mayday Maggie

by Maggie
(Virginia, USA)

I was six years old when my babysitter's fifteen year old son, T--, began molesting me and my little sister. He fondled me, tried to penetrate me and forced me to do oral sex on him. Two years later, my sister and I told someone what was happening. Our single mother believed us at first. But, then the babysitter, R--, who was an intimidating woman, convinced her that we made it all up. We were taken back to her the next day and she remained our babysitter for 5 more years. She punished us for what we said. T-- joined the Navy when he was 18 and died in a freak shooting accident less than a year later. R-- became an alcholic and finally beat my sister and I with a belt. That finally convinced Mom to find someone else.


I dealt with it by getting a lot of counseling. But, my sister lived in denial and buried it all. I believe that is the reason that she later became seriously mentally ill. She has Schitzo-affective disorder, a combination of Bi Polar I and Schitzophrenia.

Then, when I was fifteen, I met a 38 year old Music Publisher. He promised to make me a star!! (I am a songwriter, singer and play guitar) For three years I had a sexual affair with this man, until one night my sister and I spent the night at his house and he assaulted her. She woke up to him putting his fingers inside of her. She was sixteen at the time. This man was also a school teacher!! I didn't understand then what was really going on. Only now do I realize there is something seriously wrong with a 38 year old man having sex with a fifteen year old girl!! If I could put him in jail for it now, I would. But the statute of limitations has long run out. So, the only justice I feel like I can get now is to tell my story.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah

by Sarah
(Location Undisclosed)

Looking back, I remember the day my mum told me that my dad wasn't my dad. I was gob smacked. But I was 7 years old, so I didn't take it in that much really. I remember a few months after that, my step brother started to touch me, he told me it was "our little secret" and that I wasnt to tell anyone about it, or else he would kill me. Then shortly after that, he raped me. As I was pinned down to the floor, by the side of my bed, I felt the horrible pain throughout my body, I lay there in pure shock, scared for my life, crying. He then started speaking in a really smug, sweet voice and said 'that was good wasn't it? But dont tell anyone, its our little secret remember?' This happened every weekend for about a month after that, every time he visited.

He then started touching my niece (the same age as me) and he would make us do things to him, and to eachother. He made us write notes to eachother asking eachother to do things. one note we wrote was 'to **** will you suck ***'s willy?' - He spelt out what we were to write, then made us card board post boxes to post them into. - a little game I guess. anyway - my mum found this note, she found out he had been touching us - but I realised I was the only one he had raped, he hadnt done that to my niece. I was too scared to tell them about that, so I just left it at touching. He was stopped from coming to visit and he later admitted it to his dad (my ex-step dad) that he did touch us. - nothing was done.

When I was 14, I began self harming. I hadn't truely dealt with the issues of my past and I was finding it hard. So I ended up telling my brother (we were really close - he was a lot older) he then told me I had to tell my mum about the rape, she would be able to help me - I didnt know what was in store though. I told my mum about a week later and I in turn found out, she had been raped from the age of 4-14. by her grandfather. She supported me throughout this and she advised me its best not to report it to the police - I'm not sure why. (he later admitted the rape to his Dad too!)

About 2-3 months after telling my mum about the rape I met my biological father, for the first time ever - he had left her pregnant. things were great for the first two weeks ... then he raped me! I was under the control of a rapist/child abuser once again. He threatened me and told me it was our little secret - the same as the last one! He told me he loved me, he had fallen in love with me the first time he met me, he didnt intend on falling for me, he'd never felt this way before, he wanted to run away with me and marry me. He made me pretend (almost like role play) day after day that I wanted all of this. I didnt! I hated him and everything he was doing. He had a wife and two younger daughters (7and 8 years old).

2months after meeting him for the first time, he forced me to run away from mine and my mums home (10 miles from where he lived) and travel alone to his house and beg his wife to let me stay - making out it was all my idea. I was so scared, so I did it. She agreed. After I had begged my mum (under his instruction) to let me stay with him, I was allowed to live with him. He made me drop out of high school (I was in year 10) and for 3 months every day when we dropped his daughters off at school, his wife left for work, he had me all to himself. All day, 5 days a week. He raped me multiple times every day. on weekends he was restricted to just at night times when everyone was asleep. After 3 months I got into a school near where he lived. I loved that school. Its the best thing to have come out of all of the abuse I suffered. I met the two greatest friends ever - who I am still extremely good friends with now! I didnt do all that well in my exams, because of the school I missed out on and the emotional trauma caused by the abuse, but I got 11 GCSE's. Just not the grades I'd hoped for.

I lived with him for almost 12 months, then I ran away, I travelled those 10 miles, all alone at 8am, when I had left for school I had packed some clothes into my bag and I changed into them, out of my uniform in a little alley way (so the police didn't stop me for truenting) then I walked 30 minutes to the bus station then caught 2 buses back to my mums house. When I turned up she was thrilled to see me home safe, but kept asking why I'd come back home now. She knew something wasnt right, but I couldnt find the strength to tell her, so I just said I realised this is where I belong.

2 weeks later, I was under the thumb again, my 'father' made me keep the secret for even longer, he made me visit him every weekend, so for 3 days a week he had me to use and abuse. I was still travelling to my school (6 buses a day - leaving the house at 6.30-7am arriving home around 6pm) it was my final year and I couldnt afford to lose more school, so I decided to stick it out. I never missed a day, I was dedicated and I made it to school on time every day. even when we had drama rehearsals I never got home until 9pm, but I did it! I am glad I did.

All in all this abuse went on for 3 years. When I was 17 I finally told my mum. I had told my best friend (from school) and for 6 months she pestered me to tell my mum, but I couldnt, but one night, I just did. The next day she reported it to the police for me. I spent almost two years going through police interviews, statements, examinations, STI tests. While he was out on bail and I wasn't allowed to have any proper counselling incase I contaminated the evidence, then the court case came - 2 week long trial came to an end with the verdict - not guilty.

Now I am left with my past hanging over my head, while my so called father is let to walk free, no charge. His wife still allows him to see his daughters and has them staying over his house - I however am not allowed to see my sisters - she is easily manipulated, I know deep down she believes me. she questioned things before, said they looked suspicious. No one should ever have to go through abuse in any form, but I dont intend on letting it beat me, I will fight until the end! He will not rule my life any more. I hope others can adopt the same attitude.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jackie

by Jackie
(Texas, USA)

i grow up in a disfuntional family where my mom had and still has depression. am the secound child born out of six kids at the age of 17 i was born i which my dad rape my mom but some how they still contiued to date tell she found out he had a wife then they was over. growning up. my mom was so messed up and being 25 with six kids now she was didnt wont us to call her mom so we didnt.i never got hugs or kisses i felt completely alone becouse of my moms depression and she hated my dad she always act like i didnt matter.i had to takecare of my self at a young age and help with my little sister.at 16 my mom push me in to dateing this older guy who was 19 or20 years old and he raped me that day i went to the movies with him right after that i broke up with him which my mom had some to say about it. but later on i got wild but one night this guy i been talking to drop me off after a date and left two guy from next door followed me and took me pick me up covered my mouth while other guys came in 2s two hours later theirs seven one my one cusin held me downn for hours then throw my close on top of the roof i cried in pain as the laughed then they left.my mom was at work at the time but older sister heard the commosion and did nothing.i called the police the next day. my mom heard about it and never said a word to me about it nor even a hug.am 34 years old now to this day am angry all the time am not happy and i still go through people saying hurt full things from their familys. an now its affecting my family. i know i still need help and dont know how to get it .I know if i dint have my daugher i would have killed my self years ago.when my daughter reach 20 am going to make sure she good then stop my pain for good.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Stephen

by Stephen
(Location Undisclosed)

My real dad left almost immediately after I was born and my family did what they could to try and fill the void. But everything they did just didn't seem to matter. Even so I was content with my start to in life and things didn't change until I started elementary school. Kids bullied me physically and emotionally because I was rather small during those years. I got into fights daily and was in detention most of the days of the week. Suspensions were common too. However the facility's long term solution was to confine me to the principal's office during lunch and recess, this seemed to lead to emotional isolation. My only contact with other kids was at an on campus after school program. In this program kids were often assigned to assist the faculty with small projects or the custodians with tidying up the school. On one of these days I was assigned to help a janitor clean a bathroom, during the 'job' I got splashed with a lot of water and he said I could take my clothes off so they'd dry faster. Foolishly I agreed, I didn't see him as a threat. Apparently he noticed me shivering or something because of the cold so he hugged me, rubbing me all over. I remember him saying how cute I looked . Afterwards he gave me a handful of candy and promised that the embarrassing situation would stay secret. I never saw anything wrong with any of that, shows how smart I was. He seemed to really care. Days passed and I worked with the janitor every other day playing more 'games' like the first one. Mostly just taking my clothes off and letting him touch me, he even encouraged my curiosity by making me touch him. Sometimes he even took pictures of the 'fun times'. It felt so good because he was always gentle, and it didn't help that I was so trusting to any male figure who showed me affection. After about two or three weeks of this he wanted to try something new. He brought two girls my age (6) into an empty classroom with us. For personal reasons I won't give real names I'll call them Rachel and Carie. The janitor instructed us to undress and from the similar reactions, I'd never seen a girl naked and they'd never seen a boy. We were then given a introduction into the physical difference of the genders while being encouraged to touch each other, all the while the janitor was taking pictures with a Polaroid camera and possibly a video camera. We were shown all the ways we could prove we loved him. All three of us gave him oral sex about every other day and we played with each other and ourselves so he could watch. I considered the girls sisters because we were like family. We obeyed our abuser's desire even when he taught us our next 'lesson'. He made me have sex with both girls even when they wanted to stop because they said it hurt. He said it would get better after a little while. When we did as we were told we were rewarded in addition to the bribes of candies and constant praise. But when we didn't we got punished, he had a thing for spanking and sodomizing us. Out of everything he did that hurt the most. We did whatever we could to make him love us more until we were having sex several times a week, sometimes he'd even join in. This went on for almost three years for me until I got expelled for threatening school faculty, but later regretted it because I'd left my only friends. After leaving that nightmare of a school I buried my emotions deep because feeling nothing was better then the guilt and shame. I got into fights just to feel something and to be able to hurt myself and others. To me this was the only way to feel, I started drinking when I was fifteen , but later stopped when it didn't really do anything. I'd also cut myself took scalding showers burning my skin and a variety of other means of self torture. Constantly shifting between anger and depression for years made me want to torture my abuser to death for betraying my trust and making me hurt the only people I'd ever loved. I even felt suicidal because I believed I didn't deserve to live. I still deal with nightmares every night. Now I'm nineteen and I have no false confidence that police will find my abuser but it would be comforting to know he couldn't hurt any more kids. I'm in counseling to help with my painful past.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Natalie

by Natalie
(Canada)

"I’m daddy’s little girl. He and I play games together, go for bike rides, watch movies together, he even helps me with my homework. Everyone wishes they had a relationship with their father like I have with mine. We are so close, I know for a fact, he would never do anything to hurt me. NEVER."

Wow... if only I wish I could say that’s true. If only I wish I could tell people that without lying. Truth time: I’m 16 years old and I was abused.

The earliest memory that I can remember happened when I was four years old. Every Wednesday my mom has her workout class which was 40 minutes away from home. That meant every Wednesday night, from 6-9pm, my father and I were the only two home. He was watching tv that night with a beer in his hand; most likely the fourth by that hour. Just like any 4 year old would do, I went over to him and asked if he would like to join my tea party. His response was “No, go away.” Me being my whiney self, did not want to take no for an answer. I climbed up on top of him to really get his attention and before a single word came out of my mouth I was on the floor in seconds. Did I fall? Did I lose my balance? Did I jump off? No. I was thrown. My father picked me up with pure anger in his eyes and threw me to the floor. I lay there for about 20 seconds shocked and totally unaware of what just happened. He then put his right foot on my neck so I was unable to get up. Struggling to breathe, he knelt down and whispered in an unforgettable, disturbing voice “This never happened.” After I caught my breath back, I ran to my room and went to bed early. All I wanted was for him to join my tea party...

As years went by, the incident was not mentioned again, although I never forgot about it. There were occasional slaps across the face, choking and yelling, but the next memorable abuse was when I was eight years old. Again, it was a Wednesday night, which meant mom wasn’t home, and I became very vulnerable. Ever since the abuse when I was four, I learned to keep my distance from my father when my mom wasn’t home, and I did just that. This night was different though. He had more to drink than usual, and I knew that couldn’t be a good sign, but I stayed in my room because that’s where I thought I was most safe. Quiet. I listened to hear where he was in the house and what he was doing. It was dead silent. I saw a shadow under the crack of my door. He was outside my room. He was pacing back and forth, mumbling things I could not decipher. I could feel my heart beating faster, and I knew at that point, something was going to happen, and I didn’t know what to do. My door slowly started to open. I can still hear the creaking of the door in my head today. Thinking on my feet, I thought the best idea would be to pretend I was asleep. My heart was getting faster and faster. He poked his head in the door and said “I know you’re awake. I’ve come to join the tea party that I missed.” I was afraid and still pretended to be asleep. He walked over to my bed and brought his head down close to mine. I could smell the booze. It was strong. He put his hand on my heart and asked “Your heart, it’s beating so fast. Are you scared?” he ripped the sheets off my bed and before I even had a chance to run, he was on top of me. 60 pounds vs 200. You do the math. Hoping someone would hear me or hoping my mom might come home early I was screaming and defending myself, but kicking and swinging my arms got me nowhere. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a hunting knife. My father doesn’t hunt. He brought the blade close to my neck and threatened that if I didn’t shut up and stop moving, he would kill me. The next seven words that came out of his mouth are scarred in my brain forever. “It will only take a few minutes.” I was sexually abused when I was eight years old.

By the age of 12, my mother and father got a divorce. Not because I told her what happened, but because he was an alcoholic. I never told anyone what happened to me. I was ashamed, insecure, selfless and I thought it was my fault. I lived the next four years of my life not saying a world. Everything that happened to me was bottled up inside of me until about five months ago, when I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. I told my mom, and the next thing I know it, my father was arrested. He’s in jail... where he belongs. I can only wonder who else he has beaten and violated in the four years where he was out of my life. If only I had told sooner...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Hayley

by Hayley
(California, USA)

I guess this is considered abuse, it may not be physical or sexual but i believe it is emotional. It started when I was younger. Since I can remember my father has always needed to be in control. He would get in these yelling fights with my mother and would often leave and say he would not be returning and would be back within an hour or two. He has always talked down to me in some way. He is always right. He will ask my opinion and put me down for having the wrong one. He will talk down to my mother blaming her for things like allergies and stupid things that my mother cannot control. And I would confront him about it and he would say he hates me and never wants to see me again. I remember times when I was younger when he would throw things at me like silverware. I remember this time when i was probably 12 when my mother went back east to take care of her father who had dementia, i slept with my father that night in the same bed because i hated sleeping alone when my mom wasn't home. I woke up and barely opened my eyes and saw he was watching porn while i was sleeping right next to him. I never told anyone that. He still constantly talks down to me like I should know things that I don't. He is always angry or in pain. There is something always wrong. And it's kind of weird whenever he asks me a question and doesn't like my answer or criticises what i do I start to cry. Every time he even raises his voice at me or looks at me like I'm the dumbest person in the world that he can't believe I have an opinion I cry. Im 21 years old, and sadly i still live at home. Im a full time student, so i have trouble having a full time job. I have a boyfriend who I've known for about 2 years. We started dating about 6 months ago. We get along amazingly. But about 3 weeks ago we were camping and he started talking down to me the same way my father does. He will tell me to do something and be angry that I haven't already done it, like I should have known to cook something the right way or cut something the right way. I talked to my boyfriend about it, but I got kind of hysterical because it brought up this hate i have always had for my father, and how that completely brought me back to how my father treats me. My mother is extremely passive to my father and that really bothers me. My father cheated about 2 years ago and blamed my mother and I the entire time that we drove him to it. He told us he was seeing something else and how it wasn't his fault. My mother ended up getting back with him after the way he treated her and I still have trouble understanding. So I resent him a lot for that. I'm just scared that now that I am in a serious relationship with someone I can see myself marrying that my "father issues" will affect the way I have a relationship with my boyfriend. I don't know I just feel so lost. I try to talk to my mom but she ignores the situation completely. Ive talked to my father after one of my outbursts and he says he understands/kind of, but then does it again the next week. It just frightens me how I cry so quickly when my father gives me a weird look or talks down to me.. Im scared of becoming my sad mother, or marrying someone similar to my father. I don't know how to go about healing my emotional problems.:/ thanks for listening




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Christine

by Christine
(Location Undisclosed)

From when I could remember I've been sexually abused by my step grandfather and my father. In the summer going into 6th grade my great grandmothers aid walked in and saw wat was going on. I was relieved. He would threaten me and watched everything I did. I was horrified. My parents got divorced when I was in 5th grade but my father got visitation when I was in 7th. I didn't wanna see him I didn't want him to come back and the memories haunted me. I started to cut myself. I felt that it was my fault and I needed to be punished. Also it was a way to make me cry bc I couldn't feel anymore. I would do that just to know I'm alive. My friends found out and told the guidance counselor who told my mom and then I told her what he had done and everything. We went to court and I don't ever have to see him again. I'm only 15 but I can't trust anyone I always think someone is out to get me or something. I can't look at guys the same I use them almost how they used me.  But that's not the problem. I constantly feel down and like nobody understands. I have to act like I'm happy all the time so people don't ask what's wrong because they just won't get it. I wanna be happy and like I have really bad anxiety all the time. And I wake up from night mares. I just wanna know what's wrong with me. It's probably my fault like everything else is. I don't think I'll ever be happy. I don't remember the feeling and I wanna be done pretending for everyone and acting strong when I'm weak. And sometimes I just wanna crawl in a hole and die because I feel like nothing is worth it because we are all going to die in the end. I just want to be better. 




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Natacha

by Natacha
(Ohio, USA)

When I was five years old, my uncle who was ten years older than me, started molesting me. It went on for quite some time and he even threatened to kill my family if I told. I told him I didn't like what he was doing and that it hurt. But he never listened to me and so eventually I just quit saying anything altogether. He had me do things that a five year old shouldn't know how to do sexually. Later on, my grandmother happened to realize that I kept getting rashes and I had discharge in my undergarments. She told my mother that it wasn't normal for a five year old to have discharge like that. Therefore, my grandmother started questioning me. When I wouldn't tell her anything and just cried, she knew something was wrong. She told me that she would protect me but she needed to know what was going on. I eventually told her what my uncle had been doing. And she became so furious with how my mother hadn't paid attention to what was happening. My mother happened to call my grandmother one day that she was babysitting me to let my grandmother know to get me ready to go to my other grandparents house where my uncle lived. My grandmother refused to let me leave. She told my mother that she needed to talk to me and that she needed to comfort me. My mother had no idea why my grandmother was acting the way she was. She asked her to put me on the telephone to ask me what was going on. That's when I had the courage to tell my mother that I would not be going to my other grandparents house where my uncle was. I told her that he was hurting me in bad ways and that he was touching me in my private parts. I then handed the telephone back to my grandmother, and she talked to my mother for sometime. After my grandmother got off of the phone with my mom, she just held me tightly and wouldn't let go. I knew from then on that I would be safe from harm and that my uncle would no longer be able to touch me and hurt me. But the only problem was that his family didn't believe me. His parents were my grandparents, and his brother was my father. My grandmother called me a liar and I was only saying these things because I was jealous. Even my own father didn't believe me. However, we eventually took him to court and he was sentenced to 3 years in Juvenile Detention. He also had to be registered as a sex offender. He also wrote me a letter telling me he was sorry for what he had done. The court system sent me to counseling to talk about what had happened. But I never felt comfortable talking about it. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I knew my childhood had been taken away from me and I could do nothing about it. They asked me all kinds of questions like what he done to me and everything. What they didn't realize is how those questions affected me. They caused me to have nightmares and issues trusting people. About six months later the judicial system screwed up. They ended up letting my uncle out of Juvenile Detention on "good behavior". My world was shattered. How could they do this to me? I was told he was going to be gone for a long time and after six months he would be coming back home. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified that he was going to come back and kill me and my family. I hated myself for telling because my dad's family no longer wanted anything to do with me. They treated me like an outsider and were disgusted by me. That truly hurt me. How I was being treated along with what my uncle had done to me truly scarred me for life. I am now 18 years old and I still have issues today. I have pretty much blocked out a lot of things that happened to me. There are moments when I have flashbacks and nightmares. What he done to me truly caused me to have self image problems and mood disorders. But my morals have stayed the same. I was taught to not have sex before marriage and I still hold that dearly to me. Even though I know that technically my virginity was taken from me as a young child. I have never been to a gynecologist and it terrifies me to no end about going to one. I have very bad trust issues and I have no idea how they are going to be repaired. I know I will eventually need to go but it's just when I think of someone in my personal area looking at me, I freak out and flashbacks of my uncle molesting me pop into my mind... These flashbacks cause me to have panic attacks and I become depressed for days. Ever since this happened to me I do not trust guys and I have never had a boyfriend or close relationships with guys. Being molested has caused me a great deal of pain that I have to live with every day of my entire life. And this scares me because I eventually want to get married and have children but I don't know how I am going to over come my horrible past. But I am a survivor of child molestation with the help from my grandmother who was there for me through everything and my mother and aunt. Without them, I really don't know where I'd be.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Wanda J

by Wanda J
(Maryland, USA)

I was six years old and my father owned a cleaners. He had an assistant, who may have been anywhere from 40 to 48 years of age. When my father would go to the bank he would tell me to put my hand on his penis, to rub it and to not be afraid as I looked at it as something as I had never seen before, He waited until my father would go to the store or leave for the bank to have me touch him. It wasn't long afterwards when he started asking me to lick him like I was licking a lollipop and to suck it. He always reminded me if I ever told anyone then the boogy man would kill me and my family. I was terrified of the darkness once I went to sleep every night. My mother would cut off the light and I would cut it back on. I had nightmares of something coming out of the darkness like a demon or witch. I would turn the light on and my mother would awaken and and cut the light back off. I couldn't breathe, or move I would panic and become terrified at the fact that something was in the dark and it was going to kill me but I just didn't know when so to avoid fear of the darkness many nights I would repeatedly turn the light back on and my mother would give me the beating of my life for cutting on the light when she was cutting it off. I wasn't close to my mother she hated me and told me that she wished I was never born and she would always beat for all the things that my sister did. She was physically and mentally abusive to a severe degree. I was afraid of her and afraid to tell what that man was doing to me. He never stopped assaulting me for three years. My father felt comfortable enough to leave me at his house as my mother would some times tell me to go with my father when he would leave the house and to give her a report of where he went once we returned home. He would only drop me off to this man's house and leave me there until he came from wherever he had gone. By the age of nine he was trying to penetrate me but was never 100% successful, thus, it was painful and he would ejaculate all over me within minutes. He would place me underneath him as he was heavy. I could hardly breathe from his weight and he smoked a smelly cigar, had an old dirty smell and protruding moles all over his face. He always reminded me that if I ever told anyone at all that the boogy man would kill me. I lived in constant fear of this monster each and every night. My father may have sense something at some point because I realized that he would not leave me at his home anymore but the assault in the cleaners continued for another year and shortly after that I think my father may have dissociated with him because I never saw him again. I did not sleep with the lights off until I was 15 years old but the nightmare continued until I was about 37yrs of age.




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Child Abuse Story From April W

by April W
(Virginia, USA)

I feel that my story is complicated because I don't know if my experiences were "abuse," per se. Here is my story, short and unsweet:

My brother and I endured a lot of aggression by our dad - we were called lazy, stupid, jacka**, idiot, f*** you little brats, etc. etc. We were spanked somewhat often, but the spanking would sometimes escalate to violent situations. I remember my brother getting thrown against the wall when he was about 9 and that was extremely frightening for me. When I was a teenager, I experienced my last "spanking." I was ordered by my dad to strip, bend over, and get whipped with a leather belt over and over until my brother came in and demanded he stop. (Then, unfortunately, it was his turn - only not with a belt, it was with fists.)

I can't seem to shake this experience (or the others for that matter). I remember feeling faint - the pain was excruciating. I had welts from the back of my knees up to my mid-back. It was the most painful and humiliating experience of my life. (My blood is burning at this very moment just thinking about it.) I am so mad and hurt and sad that my dad treated us this way. It completely ruined our relationship because after this experience I vowed to myself that I no longer had a dad. Then, unfortunately, I seemed to jump into the arms of any male who would pay me any attention - sadly they were usually abusive males.

To this day, 25 years later, I feel uncomfortable around my dad. I think I still hate him a little bit. To top it off, my dad was/is addicted to pornography. He was always very in-your-face about it, too. He would plaster posters, pictures, etc. all over the house when I was a child. I would even come home sometimes to find him watching pornography and it would make me sick to my stomach. I hated him touching me - he seemed to me like a disgusting, evil pervert.

I have so much anger and resentment towards my parents: my dad for being an abuse survivor who continued a cycle of yelling, hitting, belittling and cursing; and my mom for not having the courage and intelligence to both recognize and stop this dysfunctional behavior, she just let it happen.

It seems as though I start each day with the memories of my most painful experiences. And I feel that my depression gets worse as I recognize certain milestones in my own child's life. Things he says or does seem to trigger memories of my childhood. I look at my son and wonder, "How could anyone ever intend on hurting this innocent spirit?" I could never imagine spanking, hitting, cursing at, or belittling my child - so why did my parents do it? I have been told that I should be able to find peace in my past because I have been able to break the cycle of violence, but I don't. I feel anger, hatred, and sadness (there are tears in my eyes at this very moment).

At times I daydream about cutting or otherwise hurting myself. I know I would never do this - I love my son and husband too much - but the pain I feel seems to overwhelm my mind and body. I begin to sweat profusely, my breathing gets erratic, my head hurts, tears starts flowing, I get short of breath - what does that mean? It's like I would rather feel anything other than the feelings that these experiences bring to me.




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Child Abuse Story From Victoria

by Victoria
(USA)

All of the abuse i receive from my parents and siblings are told to be just ways to make sure i don't make a mistake again. As a little girl, i threw tantrums just like anyone else. My parents were the ones that reacted differently. My father would drag me into his room, close the curtains, grab a meter stick or hanger and sit down infront of me. He always told me to lay down on my stomache infront of him. When i did he'd aim the meter stick/hanger at my face and ask me if i knew what i did wrong. Before i could answer he would spank me on my bottom with it and shout things at me. When i screamed or jumped he told me to shut up and hit me harder.

At age 5 i was always at my parent's store (they owned a salon). A 40-50 year old woman who worked there somehow brought me under the blankets and raped me. I didn't know what she was doing to me, and she convinced me i was doing nothing wrong.

My mother and father also abused my older brother. Everytime he said the slightest thing, they were somehow offended. There were several ways they punished him; they hit his neck with hangers, forced him to hold phone books over his head for hours without breaks, beat hime with their own hands, and whipped him with belts. What i didn't get was why they abused me and my brother among our 3 other siblings. We didn't do anything to deserve it.

Another time, i lost my mom's hair tie at age 10. She threw her brushes at me and slapped me several times across my face. Everytime someone asked me what happened to my face, or why my bodyparts looked so red; i was forced to say that i tripped.

My older sister sibling abused me. She forced me to swallow soap, slapped me until i was red, and threatened to rip my bodyparts off. There was even that time where she threw trashcans and slammed doors on me until i couldn't move.

I'll admit; being abused like this made me take aggression out on my younger siblings. I only shoved and yelled at them, but my parents took it the wrong way and threw me into a room so they could spank me again.

When we got a puppy, my parents made sure that all of us children took care of it. And they abused and practically encouraged us to abuse it. WHen ever it shedd hair in our house, my dad would spank it way too hard. One day, he had enough and almost killed it.

All of my life i've been scarred. I'm scucidal, and even told my sister that; but she didn't listen. I've looked up the side effects for abuse; and i just don't get it. I trust way too easily. But, i have felt like i was going crazy. Every night i feel like something is watching me. I don't know what but i feel so horrified. when i lay in bed my head goes dizzy and i can't think straight. My eyes seem to almost make up things it thinks are in the shadows. I've always wanted to make a call to the police as a teen and tell them that i want to be any place but where i am. I've been afraid of myself and what was happening to me. and the question that i ask myself is; what would i be like if i was completely normal?




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Child Abuse Story From Elizabeth

by Elizabeth
(Pennsylvania, USA)

i am 16 years old now and i was two when my real dad leaved me and my mom.all i do is lay on my bed and go on my laptop like nothing is happening because if i do get up and try my hardest to do something it always back fires on me my mom got remarried to a guy named J-- and then my mom leaved my mom worked two jobs her whole life and there was no time for me in her busy life and i was alone.i get called so many names that i stared to lose my self and the hope i have that it will all change.it stared from brat to which then to b***h to a**hole or dumb and all my friends say i am smart but i am staring not to believe them became all i hear at home is how dumb i am. (i feel like dust in the wind after my step dad yelled at me for not doing something for my mom do u ever feel like ur useless or good for nothing but not everbody is unlucky like that so i say to myself i am alone and useless and good for nothing and i guess it gets to me when my mom said i was trouble to everyone i meet or my famliy and i guess i am sick of it all day long i get up and start my mom's car and stuff like that and i don't get a thank u and i go back to sleep and wake up and do what my dad or mom wants me to do and then they yell at me if i don't did it corretly ,i can't say what or i am coming or i will or ok i have to stop what i am doing and get it done sometimes when i am eating i can't say i am eating i have to stop eating and see what they want. a couple of days after that My dad walked in the door and yelled at me for not giving the dog water and the dog did have water in he dish and J-- my step dad said you get up off your f***ing a** and get your mom work clothes and the dog water now.im useless today i feel like dust that someone is walking on i get yelled at that i stared crying and when J-- my step dad said sorry i told him i was moving away to my dads house in the summer i am tried of getting steped on and my mom yelled at me when i don't get her clothes wash for her and called me selfish and careless to other people now she is yelling at me for forget to clean up after my cat.in the moring i am not a moring person and my step dad J-- yells at me if i don't get up he pulls my hair or drag me by my feet off my bed and when i tell this to my real dad he said he can not help me or come move in with me and this moring J-- said i am sick of your bulls**t and if you don't wake up i will slap you with a towle and he said i have to go to bed at 9pm and the promble is them to me it is them and i can't wait til i am 18 is it wrong to to be happy sometimes because i am wearing a mask of happiness all the time in school my smile is a mask and nothing more...at home i am mellow and people hate me for it...J-- told this moring that we r playing a game if i don't get up he is going to pull me out of my bed and he said my mom called me but i don't hear her and he said you heard her u just didn't want to get up and when i came home i had to put boxes in the house and J-- get mad were i said what and he said something about get off your a** and come and he said what happens when u say what at your dads home? they tic me off.having nothing to eat for dinner is not that bad and mom worked me to dead today i can not bite my tongue no more and hiding the pain i feel is getting harder and harder sometimes i feel like am useless around here. good for nothing and it is getting to me more and more i want to cry but crying will not help and it shows weakness in peoples eyes. i am nothing but a mask to people. people see me and think (o that kid is happy) but it's nothing but a mask a light happy feeling but a mask. i am mellow and people do hate me for it. i think i am going on and not going to eat for a day or two because mom has no money to give me and money i get is for art club and so the day goes on and on.today was good me and my step dad played poker and i won the game i went to school and was crying this weekend because my dog dead. and no one cared that my dog dead they laughed and think it is funny i get upset when i fell in the bus and kids laugth at me and i do not get the project i wanted it is like christmas all over me sitting they with nothing wacthing people open gifts and me just wacthing i am upset and in tears and that makes me weak . i am in pain and crying and no one cares like always. i am the last people anyone wants to talk too.i can not fall asleep because i crying and upset the project is in science and it is on astoromy or the study of stars.i think all kids want their mom and dad to care for them something i don't have i was locked in my world and daydreamed about what it was like outside i remember getting off my bus and going to a house with no one in it and getting phone cells from my dad about me being save at home. me going outside and playing with no one and riding my bike places around the fairgrounds. i also remember not get cells on my birthday saying it to me. i get my first cell phone at the age of 7 or 6 and me calling J-- after school and saying i was save at home but i don't do that now and i am in my house 24 7 and i hate it...i get in trouble for asking a question i hate asking questiones because J-- yelled at me i don't care anymore I DON'T CARE i don't care any more about nothing i am a brat and careless and mean and the list goes on. and i don't care. i guess all of my hope that they would change or it would change is gone like my soul or heart and all that is leaved is a mask of nothing but feelings.feeling of sad and nothing but sad i have nothing but sad and crying is my life i want so badly not to cry but i can not have it and crying is my life not eatting because they need something and getting yelled at for eatting all the time. then J-- said he wants nothing to do with me ... alone and nothing but it staying in my room and crying myself to sleep talk to people and people thinks i have feels sometimes i think he cannot see and going to town and coming home and have to do chores because i get to go to town with my friends...... my reward they say but not for me things they don't understand..today it is nothing but a game to my mom and J-- all my mom cares about is her job nothing to do with me nothing at all and someone i care about says we can not be friends so i cryed and cryed no one cares no one cares if i am crying or not and no one cares if i am thinking about cutting or burning myself.my step dad pretty much told me to F off when i didn't move out of the sit. it's happening agin me being useless and coming home for a art garlley. now he wants me to help him play the wii and i am crying...crying in the darkness that is around me that i can not get out of... my step dad yelled at me again for not putting the dog out and standing in front of the dishwasher then he told me he is sick of me and i don't blam him for saying it i am good at nothing and me following a dumb dream is useless and pointless is it fair for me too watch as my parents eat food in front of me and me go without i ate lunch at 12:00 and no breakfast and a small half of bowl of noddles with butter as my mom bought herself a sandwich and J-- chicken i am hunger and crying to myself because my mom is telling me that i don't want to eat i can't wait until Friday when i get to eat three meals a day) and that is my little story of a year of my life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Alyssa For a Kid at School

by Alyssa
(Pennsylvania, USA)

I think this kid at my school is being abused: 
I go to a middle school in PA and it all started the first day when i met this kid named N-- who was my science partner for the day and i noticed he had really bad bruises on his arms and legs followed my scratch marks on his sholders like someone had grabbed him by their nails.But anyway i kinda became worried but then after a month i just brushed it off.But it seemed like everytime he comes back to school after the weekened he has more bruises and scratches.
Well no its been about 5-6 months we been in school and it was on christmas and my mom was takin me back to my dads when i saw the same exact boy (N--) walkin down the street with his brother,sister and his grammother i guess and it was really cold and all the kids were just wearin sweatshirts so i hurried up and told my mom that i think his parents are abusing him and that i didnt know exactly and then at that point he was lookin at me until he accidently stepped on his grammothers heels and she turned around and smacked him right across the head and started screaming at him and his siblings and then they turned around and heading apparently back home with their gram behind them pushin them. Because everything to me is adding up,so now that explains why he is quiet and always looks miserable and sad.And the same with the bruises on his body it just makes sence but once again i dont just want to jump to conclousions but then again i have a feeling that i need to help him :(




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Child Abuse Story From Ellen

by Ellen
(England)

I am 16 years old and from the age of 8 to 15 was abused by a family friend and their dad. They would constantly ring my house phone to find out where is was, why i was there, who i was with etc. And as much as i tried to avoid them calling my phone at some point i would have to answer.

They would make me go down to their house and as they were a friend of the family my parents trusted them to come and get me and take me back, in other words i had no way out of it.

When i got there they would be really nice and then one of them would take me upstairs and make me do sexual things and force themselves onto me. I would get stipped down to my underwear and then forced into bed with the person, their daughter who is 19 also had part to do with the situtation as she would do the same and then act normal when i saw her outside of the house.

I spoke to a teacher about it and it was the worst mistake i have ever made in my life, from the age of 15 to now my life has changed and i can count the number of times i have felt happy and myself on one hand. I havent spoken about it since i spoke to that teacher and still have so many unanswered questions like, was it abuse or not? Will i feel happy again soon? Etc.

I hope people can relate to my story and writing it on here makes me feel better about it myself.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Melissa

by Melissa
(Australia)

I am a female in my early 20s and I got sexually abused many times by my grandfather and uncles till I turned 13 and father until the age of 16. I did try to get my voice out there and tell an aunty once and she did not believe me, later on i tried to tell a male friend when i was in high school and my brother found out and asked me if it was true, that he would kill our father if what i had said was true and i just couldn't talk anymore and started to cry so he though i was just making up stories to get a guys attention. after that day i tried to shut everything out, i didn't wanna think about it anymore. I'd get upset and cry time to time but i didn't wanna bother telling anyone anything because our family (parents and brother)seemed to be so happy and i didn't want to ruin anything. but time went on i learned to forgive my father for what he did because i felt like forgiveness would be the answer to my happiness and as for my uncles and their father..well i now live in a different country and have not seen them ever since but from what i have been told they are struggling in their lives..after all there is a GOD up there who is watching over us even when we think nobody is watching.
At the age of 19 i met a guy and we have been together since. strangely enough this man that i have been with is a child of rape. his mother got raped by her uncle and my now fiance is the child from that rape. He also got sexually abused by members of his family (his mothers 3 sisters). everything he went through in his life made him a very angry person. he used to lie about everything, steal from people and so on.. when i came into his life he was going through hell. the first year of our relationship was awful. he lied to me about everything and anything..we had fights everyday and he even hit me a few times..he also tried to hang himself once. basically he needed serious help. my first thought after he told me everything about his life was , there is no way i can put up with this, i have been through enough but for some reason i stuck around..and we are still together. now i think he has been put in my life for a reason,for me to show him better things..to show him the good side.. in a way i see it as a mission and i hope i succeed. i have to say that he has changed a lot, he works everyday, he stopped lying about every little thing, he has taken up a sport professionally and he hasn't tried to hit me for a couple of years now but deep down i know he still has issues! we are engaged now and once i finish my studies we plan on getting married. now my problem is having kids..in a way I'm terrified to have kids with someone who has gone through what he has or i should say what we both have gone through. what if something happens to our kids? god forbid what if he does something to our kids...i don't know what to do..i don't know if deciding to have kids with our histories would be a good idea or not..i spoke to some one in his family and that person told me that it's like he has been cursed and having kids with him might not be a great idea..that made me think again and again.




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Child Abuse Story From Lisa

by Lisa
(England)

I don't really know where to start, I'm 30 years old, so after all these years why can't I forget about the physical, sexual and emotional abuse that went on all through out childhood. I think I know deep down in side it must of been my thought which is why I was also raped at the age of 18 by someone I knew.I am in counselling and all she wants to know is how it makes me feel,Plus Why I think I have these feelings etc.I turn up every week but feel like I'm getting know where as I find it so hard to talk, the words just won't come out. It all started from a very young age thats all I remember from being a very young child. I think I was as young as 2. I rembember on a daily basis being called names like fat,slag,pig,tramp etc at first I was,nt sure what all this mean't, but as time went on I learnt what everything mean't. My father use to come home quite alot drunk and beat my mum and then me, my sisters and brothers This just became a way of life for us so I guess we learn't to live with it. I hated it when my mum used to go out to my nans or to buy him drink and most of all when she was in hospital having more babies and left us on our own with him My oldest sisters was sent with her to make sure she was'nt meeting some bloke They was the lucky ones got to excape for a while. When they was gone my dad use to pick on me, probability because I was so quiet and he knew he could keep me quiet that is why I think to my self if only I was louder then chances are he would off left me a lone. My Dad started sexually abusing me from about the age of 3-4 I remember it as it was only yesterday It stated off with just him showing him self to me and then when on to touching an till eventually at the age of about 9 he started getting worse to the point he'd rape me. I suppose all this time he was testing me to see if I would say anything and of course I did'nt, I just stayed quiet, I did'nt want to be locked in the cupboard and left there, I hated that and plus who was going to listen to me. There was points where we were left on our own completely this is the only memory I remember feeling great it felt like we was free for that little while as time went on My mum and Dad broke up I thought that was it we was free at last but we still had to see him every weekend and if anything thing was worse cause he knew he was'nt gonna get caught this went on antill about the age of 14 then he was'nt really interested. By the time I was 16 I started drinking heavily to the point I could'nt remember, At this age I started getting presents through the door etc,but I did,nt think know more of it. I went Away on holiday with my sister at around 17 and ended up sleeping with one of her friends even though I did'nt want to I just did as he wanted I found it hard to say No. After this I had a few boyfriends. At the age of 18 I was out drinking again with another one of my sisters whose birthday it was I felt really dizzy and horrable so someone I know offered to come bk with me as I was staying there. So I let him take me back He started trying to kiss me this time I managed to say know I was not interested for the first time in my life I said No but that didnot matter he said come on I know you want to really and know matter what I said he would'nt listen and ended up raping me. From this day I don't drink anymore but I,m still finding it really hard to deal with. If I really told my Counsellor how I felt I don't think she would like my answer because inside I think to my self I don't know how much more I can take and if I took the only way out I know. I won,t have to deal with it anymore. The trouble is I've tryed taking pill a couple of times now and all they make me do is sleep and be sick. I'm not looking for sympathy just wanted to write down my story to see if it helped.




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Child Abuse Story From Aisha

by Aisha
(UK)

I was very young about 5 yrs old and naughty and my mum beat me up and Walked away i called her name but she ignored me & once i was 6 i used to Suck my thumb ( it was a bad habit ) and my dad got amgry and told Me not to do it but i didnt notice and sucked my thumb out of nowhere my Dad slapped me so hard i had his finger prints on my face for 1-2 weeks and I didnt go nursery until my bruise went.when i was 7 i used to get beaten up Reguarly every other day and that carried on until I was 11.at the age of 12 i was fOrced to go 2 boardin school i hated the Teacher said she would smack me and got hold of my diary and Read it and made fun Of me ( which made me cry ) I used to tell my mum i dont want to stay though they paid loadz of MOney and said stay there.i got depressed i barely slept i lost 4 stones (56 pounds) in 2 months it was torture i started to cut myself got panic attacks I used to be a happy kid but thats been snatched away from me now i have gone I hav been replaced as something i dont want to be finally I got out of boarding skl though my parents didnt go to skl 4 3 months But now i have started skl in yr 8 and my aunt started 2 beat me up She slapped me sold my laptop broke my stuff sweared at me made Horrible comments make Me sleep out side on the street when my mum was on holiday told if i say one thing she Would stab me !!!!! I Am scared i cant tell or phone someone I CAnT cOPE wItH aftermath i will Be a disgrace to the family (this is true i am the victim) and still happenin im 13




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From A Mother

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Help for both my children: 
I just found out that my 15 yr old son has been touching my 10 yr old daughter inappropriately. He has been sneaking in her room on the middle of the night & she woke up to it! I immediately notified the appropriate officials, and he will most likely be charged and sent to Juvenile. I know that I did the correct thing, but why do I hurt so deep down???




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah J

by Sarah J
(USA)

Needed help but no one was there: 
My step dad used to beat me with a belt until I couldn't sit down. It was just last year at the beginning of fourth grade when my mom got divorced with my step dad. He was truly evil and every night he would smack me on the side of the head and say to my little sister and baby brother that they where lucky they where to young.Whatever that means! I was scared because I could not protect them. It is not like I could protect them, right? Sometimes I feel like I want them to go away forever,but I love them deep DEEP down. He used to ground me for no reason. I'm so SO scared because he is trying to get my mom back. The school councelor won't even help me.




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Child Abuse Story From Bethany

by Bethany
(North Carolina, USA )

I've never written a story, and I'm probably not good at it. Here goes, I was born 1997 With an abusive father. I don't remember any of it really because I was so young long story short mom divorced that maniac. She then marries a really nice guy. Who has a son of his own and of now a daughter by him and my mother. When I was 10-12 he used to get on me over everything. Make me clean the house while my currently 17 old step brother and 9 year old half sister watched, I used to get depressed not severely but enough to make me hurt. When I turned 13 a different abuse started. I know about adultery or sex, half because old enough so it's obvious, and because I've overheard my fair share of things. He would slip in my bed at night or during the mornings when people were asleep or not around. He would touch me in places no father should touch at my age. He would move my hand so it was at his private area and do those things. I wanted to tell! I wanted to..but he was married to my mom. The mom who went through horrid physical and emotional abuse in her first marriage. I couldn't hurt her like that. It would break her heart. I remember one day when my step brother was watching me play x box in his room and I said something witty and rude about my step father. He got angry saying why would you say something like that your obviously his favorite, I mean every morning he's in your bed with you. My good mood immediately changed and I said doesn't mean I love him? He looked at me like " what is it ". All I could do was turn my head and ignore the voice screaming Tell Him!! They have divorced currently, hmm about a month ago from today I moved to Kentucky with my mom and I pretty much went depressed. I missed the rolling green hills of north Carolina, my pet chickens, my small country school where we knew everybody. So I came to live with him and my siblings. I didn't move to be with him I moved to be in north Carolina where I knew my classes and all my friends. Mom and him still love each other they've both told me separately. I thought finally no more of that abuse! No, not true he still does though I've made it clear don't come close to me don't sleep in my bed with me. I don't have the guts to tell him and don't touch me! He thinks I'm asleep when he does it but trust me I'm awake and I'm hoping he will stop soon. I still can't tell anybody, my. What would happen is a- mom would try to force me to move to Kentucky where as I would decline and have to move to a family members and burden them. B- my family will, be shattered this cute house and all my pets, and sibling would be torn from me. I tell my self deal with it do you want you one person to be happy, and ruin a happy clueless family. I don't know what to do I'll be earning 15 in March. I don't wanna tell all I can think is 3 more years till freedom!! I'm glad to have this off my chest.




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Child Abuse Story From Annemary

by Annemary
(Canada)

all my life i have been abused...as far back as i can remember i would get picked on at school on the bus everybody hated me because i was shy and timid. at home my mom would leave for bingo everynight and leaving my brother and sisters with my drunk dad and his groping drunk friends, i do remember one night my mom tried to leave with us in toe my dad shot at us with a rifle i still remember the feeling of running as fast as i can . my uncles are all molesters too i hate them. i feel a little better writing this down thanks for giving me that chance, annemary




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Child Abuse Story From Kerry

by Kerry
(Texas, USA)

I was probably around 14 or 15 and I was sharing a bed with my aunt when she came to sleepover at my parent's house. In the middle of the night my aunt assumed I was asleep and started laying my leg between her legs. At that point I woke up but pretended I was asleep and thought it was just a body spasm I had on my part and my legs just ended between her legs. I stayed awake for ten minutes trying to fall back to sleep. My aunt then took my leg and started rubbing it forcefully back and force on her vulva. I guess she was sexually aroused by it and still at that time she assumed I was still in a deep sleep. However I was awake through this whole ordeal. My leg hurt with pain because of the way it was bent for her to let it stroke her private parts. I woke up the next day and rubbed my legs with soap until it was red because I was so disgusted and confused. From time to time I think about that night but it never really affected me. I am now a junior in college and I wondered why such a person I called my aunt would do that and I know if i speak up on it now no one will believe me so I've kept it to myself. I still don't know if what my aunt did is considered sexual abuse.




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Child Abuse Story From Rebecca

by Rebecca
(Florida, USA)

I was about 6 and my mom and dad got in a fight and my dad left, it wasnt long after that my mom got a new boyfriend. I didn't see anything wrong with this guy at first untill he started to act weird. He startd to get me alone more and more. then thats when it happened.He started to touch me and make me touch him i knew it was wrong but he was giveing me stuff in return. like snacks, getting out of trouble, and other things like that. One day when i was in the 5th grade and this had been going on for many years now a lady came to my class to talk about abuse, at the end of the prestitation she gave us a little quiz and the very last question asked if i need to see a consulor. i bubbled yes. They called me out of my class a few days later and I finally told the officer what happened.the officer got sent to pick me up from my house. Thats when my mom found out and the first words out of her mouth was she is lying.I finally got taken away from my mom because she was still letting her boyfriend come around even though he couldnt be near me.I was put in a shelter for older kids because all the other ones were full. they had no clothes that fit me and i felt so alone.Finally after being in the shelter for about 6months i was going in to foster care. i was with my foster parents for about 6months then my dad finally got me. i knew that wasnt going to last long because he was a drinker and a druggie. i lived in 5 diffrent houses with him untill finally my mom took me back with out the law knowing. She was still with the same boyfriend and i had to live in the same house with him again. The law ended up finding out that i was back home, they took me away again and put my with my grandma, but she couldnt take care of a teenager so i moved to a diffrent country and began living with my uncle. My uncle was ok at first but then he started to get aggressive and mean i felt as tho i couldnt do anything right. so i left. i am now living with my bestfiends and im vry happy i have a job and im graduating highschool this year. i can say is i wouldnt change anything that happened to me in my life.




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Child Abuse Story From Debra

by Debra
(Kansas, USA)

Uncontrolled rage: 
One summer years ago a friend and I were at the pool of our building when a mother and daughter who were also there swimming soon left. Before they were completely out of sight the mom began hitting this little girl. Before we knew what happened the little girl was backed against the wall with her arms up around her face defending herself.

My friend and I jumped from the water and ran to stop the abuse, We jumped between the mother and daughter as she dealt with the mother and I the daughter. Before long they were back in their home with the husband informed so no further incidents could occur.




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Child Abuse Story From Brianna

by Brianna
(Virginia, USA)

im 13 and i used to get abused.my mom pushed me down on the stairs and started kicking me in the back, one day. but thts not the onlly time something like that has happened to me coming from her.
now im ignored by everyone, so nothing really happens anymore. i was raped by my brother and sister. ive been sexually assault by other guys. i was too afraid to do anything.i blame myself for it still.
i feel so guilty for everything- my parents divorce, the abuse from my mom,the assaults, the rapes. i told someone about my brother raping me. when my dad found out the first thing he said to me was,"do you know how much trouble your brother can get into?"
they were all mad at me. my mom still says to me that its just as much my fault as it is my brother's.
today, all my mom does is tell me to do things like cleaning the house and watch my little half-brother while she goes out and party all night.
i stopped going to my dad's house. i never could forgive him for tearing my family apart.he's dating my uncle's(my dad's brother is whom i talking about)ex-wife. he doesnt feel any guilt for it.all he does is lie to me. i got tired of the lies and decided i wasnt going to take it anymore.
i remember the day they got a divorce- they fought physiclly for the first time in front of me. no one else saw it except for me. i shouldnt of just stood there and watched. i shuold have done something but i didnt know what to do. everyone has gotten over everythinhg except me.




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Child Abuse Story From Leslie T

by Leslie T
(USA)

A southern child lost in a world of anger: 
As far back as I can remember I always seem to have to fight to just belong in a half hearted family. My mother was the third child of six girls the moment she told my granny that she was pregent the beatings started.Once she beat her with a broom trying to make her miscarry me. I was borned with one side of my nose swollen no one can tell me what from but I have an idea it was that beating. Once I was born I was no longer a mishap I was granny's baby or should I say the string she held around my mothers neck. Needless to say after being passed around and being hated I was told at eleven that killing myself wasn't the answer only to find out that person had about twenty thousand dollars of paid up life insurance on me. Then one day I was playing down at the farm house and my uncle grabbed a hold of me it was attention indeed but it was murder of a little girl already lost but still wanting to be some one special or atleast free. After reporting it to the adults I was called a liar my mother disowned me just to much trouble for granny to keep. So I was rushed and pushed off on a father who only intentions with me was to see if I was the what my mom used to be. By that time my mom had married a man who didn't like me or any other kid plus my granny hated him as much. But if I promised to behave I could come back and stay with all the ugly names he had holding on display to call me. He hated me and my siblings he would hit us, call us names, makes us go to bed and go to sleep only to crawl in to scare the hell out of us just to see the fear, tried wreacking us cause we ate hes food he bought him before we spent eight hours at the beach in mid July. We only ate once and only allowed a six pack of pepsi and there was four of us. His beer was always first along with his pot. I had enough at age 14 I started fighting back I hit him so hard the law was going to take me in. But my mother could stay there just not me. I reported his drugs in the house no one would help us. Because his sister was a big shot in the county. At age 16 I got out finally I married and had two kids of my own. Made alot of mistakes along the way I honestly can say I had to many cuts that would seem to seal. Now the man is living with my aunt what a jerry springer indeed. One of my siblings has forgiven him. The other has really never knew love except from me. Now like I once was she looks at drugs like a smoother melody. After all she was beaten into learning her ABC'S. Cutest little angel I've ever seen.For some reason he is good enough to be in our family now but where does that leave me? Still fighting trying to just belong in a world that truly hated me.




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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer M

by Jennifer M
(Nebraska, USA)


My mom and my dad divorced when I was 4. When I turned 6 my mom started dating a guy she met at a club. After a month of dating they got hitched at a court house. No one knew about the marriage. Once he moved in everything seemed peachy. But then a few months later things weren't right. My cousin and his mother lived with us at the time. One day my cousin, sister, and I took our little Pomeranian outside, she found a way to get loose and ran away. My step dad found out and made us line up from oldest to youngest. One by one he took us into my room and hit us with the belt. The saddest part of that was, that my own mother was in the living room and didn't do anything. After that any little thing that upset him we would get the belt, and everytime my mom didn't do anything. The summer of 2006, he went over board. My step sister moved in with us for a year. She let our dog off the leash to let him inside and he took off and ran into a little girl. My step dad whopped her with the belt to the point she had bruises (my mom was there watching and didn't stop him). Another time that still haunts me to this day was that my sister had bladder problems where she would accidently wet the bed. He took her into the room me and her shared. I was in the living room and my mom was in the living room on the computer. Then the hits and screams started. I started crying. My mom turned to me and this is what she said, "Is he hitting her?" I looked at her in disbelief. "Yes mother he is!" And she just sat there. After he was satisfied, I ran past him and into the room, locked the door, and held my sister close as she cried. She was 9 and I was 11. The Police said none of this was true and didn't charge him with anything. My mom took us kids to my grandparents and stayed the night to get away from him. But the next morning she was gone and left a note saying that she was going to stay with him and we all would go to counseling. When I was 12 I started cutting myself and popping pain pills, any pills I could get my hands on (this didn't stop till I was 16). He stopped hitting us, but that didn't stop the monster. He started mentally/emotionally and verbally abusing me and my sister. He would just put us down. He would tell my sister she needed to lose weight that she was fat. I remember telling her while she cried that he was way fatter than she was. The first time I had sex he found out and called me a hoe, s**t, and wh**e. My mother sat there and let him do it. The fall of 2009 I ran away. Cops got ahold of me and I told them what was going on, they still made me go home and didn't do anything. Finally at the age of 16 I attempted my hundreth suicide attempt. I called my grandma and told her this was the last time she would hear my voice. I hung up after I said I loved her and my grandpa. Then I went to my room and popped some pain pills and started slashing my legs. The Sheriff came to see what was going on. When I revealed to my step dad that I did call my grandparents ( ever since I was 15 I haven't had contact with my grandparents till now) he said he was just going to let state take me, the day before he said I wasn't part of my sister's life and that I didn't love them. The Sheriff took me to the hospital where we met my mother. When I had to show the nurse my cuts in front of my mom a feeling came over me that I love to this day. The feeling was a saying that "look mother I did this cause of your Monster Husband!" I went to a place called CAPS for a week and got put in foster care. My step dad didn't get charged with anything. They took me out of my mother's custody for me self harming, not for her neglect and HIS abuse. I live with my grandparents now. I don't talk to my mother anymore. recently she told me I wasn't her daughter and my grandparents and that part of the family aren't her family. Ever since May 2011 I have not seen her, we kept in touch with each other through e-mail! The last time I talked to her was January 2012. I haven't seen my own two sisters for 2 years. I'm happy with what I'm doing. I got accepted to start college this fall. I graduate in May. I'm really happy. My mother isn't in my future as long as she is still married to Monster. I still struggle every day with things, but I have support of my family and friends, and my caseworker and the state and my judge. I plan on being a social worker or even work at CPS.




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Child Abuse Story From Laura

by Laura
(UK)

Alcoholic mum - but I was older and forgave her: 
I am a woman age 31, I have 2 beautiful children a boy 7 and a girl 3. I love them dearly, I am kind natured never hit them and rarely raise my voice. But I think I am drinking too much and it's becoming a habit.

My dad worked abroad most of my life to give my mum andbig brother a good life and so my mum could look after us at home. My mum was an amazing beautiful person who died of cancer when I was pregnant with my daughter. My dad has since retired and I am so pleased to now be spending some great quality time with him and my kids love their granda soo much.

The part of my life which is not great however was when I was about 12ish my mum started drinking heavily she would fall asleep on the chair with a cigarette in her hand, I was scared to sleep and would try for hours to wake her and eventually go to sleep crying. She would wake the next day though nothing had happened, this was ok though as she was ok and back to normal. This happened over and over to the point where I would just get drunk and stay out at night coz I knew my mum would be unconscious on the couch anyway and wouldn't know. I got into not nice situations with drugs and boys, nothing major but enough for me at 16 to loose my virginity to a guy I never knew(I was drunk) and thought what the f--- am I doing!!

I couldn't tell my dad she was an alcoholic! He asked me but couldn't tell him the truth. My mum and dad loved each other dearly and my mum never had other men or drank outside our home so we always felt loved and secure and peovided for.

I started hiding my mums drink and then also drinking it. She started getting verbally abusive towards me wen I was about 15-16. She started acouple of times getting a bit physical but to be honest she was about 50 and I ended up being the bad one for pushing her backseat fromme and making her fall. But all because I was hiding her drink. Loads of arguments, physical stuff happened, I always felt guilty as she was drunk and I pushed her or whatever but I never hurt her, she caused me much pain anger and overall a feeling of helplessness as I watched her change in to this and I couldn't help.

I lovedmy mum dearly and still do, but I feel so much guilt for her. I had my son when I was 24, her drinking continued but I trusted her with all my heart when she tried to change. One day she watched my son overnight and my aunt arrived at 11am to find her drunk in a housecoat and my son crying in his cot , my son was fine but extremely clingy for about 3 days. I think she had overdone it on the drink and not heard him wake ? I was very upset.

She was a fantastic loving gran though and about a year before me and my husband got married she changed she stopped drinking became a great gran and mum the kind she always was when she was sober, she became herself again and I 100% forgave her.

She became ill while I was pregnant with my daughter, at this point we were the best of friends. She swore she would meet her grandchild but sadly died of cancer when I was 5 months pregnant.

I have blocked a lot of my years as there was much more that happened but my mum became free and became a beautiful mum again. I hope I am not falling in to that alcohol cycle as I really feel I am and can't stop it.




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Child Abuse Story From Stu

by Stu
(United Kingdom)

Latchkey kid: 
I do not know were my story began. I only know that i did stupid things. Probably 9 or 10 and i carried on till i left for Uni. I went looking for sex at lease that is the way i excuse myself. It started with a stranger in the park and i went back for more. I always hung around parks and playgrounds waiting for the right sort of person to visit the toilets and i would follow them in. I got money and felt good about it. I also got hurt several times selling myself and the authorities would always question me. They knew, my parents knew but nobody stopped me. Guess i am one of the lucky ones because i have never caught a disease. Since i started Uni i have stopped all this. I have friends
, people that i care about and people that i would be ashamed of myself if they ever found out.




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Child Abuse Story From Leah

by Leah
(South Carolina, USA)

I am a 61 year old woman. I have one son, and for the sake of him I need help. I've been raised by an abusive alcoholic father and an absent mother. My father blamed us children for my mothers abandonment. He became a mad drunk that needed to blame his children for his mistakes.
And to this day, he is 89 years of age, he still insists on blaming even me. Me, the one who had to take over for my mom at the age of 15. When I talk about my family I only have stories of loneliness, separation from everything that seemed real. I have this ugly wall around me that I so much want and need to step beyond. Every time I think I have a foot out I realize there is no footing at all. I am a loner, but I so much want a life before I die.

Leah




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Child Abuse Story From Jackie

by Jackie
(USA)

i am only 12 years old an i would be yelled at 24/7 when i get in trouble i do apologize but this recently i was beat with a belt and i only had my underwear and a t-shirt on and that's not the bad part she pushed me against the wall and slapped me and i fell all i heard was ringing in my head i didn't know what to do.




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Child Abuse Story From Julian S

by Julian S
(UK)

I was abused by 2 paedophiles from the age of 11 into adulthood. I was drugged and raped many times. Photos were taken and most probably passed around by paedophiles. I kept it from my family until i was 22. I never got help, because i kept my dirty secret. I felt it was all my fault. I still feel its all my fault. I'm now in my 30's, and my life is a complete mess. I strive to be a part of the world, but just seem to fall and fail all the time. I've just recently tried to get some therapy. Because i hurt so much everyday.
I'm left with extreme thoughts, dreams, flashbacks, extreme guilt and shame. And i'm addicted to masturbation and pornography due to the sexual abuse, i was given alcohol and god knows what.. and while i was being abused they made me watch pornography, so i'm very dysfunctional. I've been told that its so deep because of the age it happened to me, all through puberty. No-one seems to understand, and i feel very alone. I may look like a man in his 30s, but i'm still a young boy who hurts so much. The only thing keeping me alive are my dreams. Everytime i look at women i hurt inside because for some reason i can't explain, i feel unworthy of love and sexual relations. Because i feel like a dirty disgusting person, i feel like an abuser. I wish all of this would leave my head, because i've missed so much of my life. I've missed out on relationships, on work, on education, on everything! My life ended by the time i turned 12 years old. And i've been having the same breakdown everyday, ever since then.
I don't know why i'm telling you this, but deep down, i really want someone to help me.. (okay, i'm crying now). i want to get better and be a good human being. I feel like such a failure and a very bad person.

Again, i think i'm writing this with the real hope to get the serious help to treat this stuff. I'm so upset because i have missed out on my youth, my 20s and now my 30s. Its such a waste of life.




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Child Abuse Story From Rhonda

by Rhonda
(Indiana, USA)

I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused as a chld from the ages of 5 to 12 by my older brother. I have worked hard to save my self and i have been able to move on find self worth and fill my life with an education and child that i love. that is not to say that i did not struggle with depression, self hate, and zero self worth or that those feelings dont continue to come into play even now 30 years later.

my problem is that my mother is insistant that there be some type of reconciliation with my brother. keep in mind including me, he also sexually abused my little sister, became a drug addict and is a liar and manipulator.

i am so tired of the abuse i suffered being minimized because he is my brother.

she would never ask me to sit at christmas diner with some stranger who had raped me.

i am sad.

i don't think mom will ever be able to understand the abuse and i fear that if she cant acknowledge that then she cant know all of me.

i feel like turning my back on her for ever.....but not sure that is right.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Lily

by Lily
(Minnesota, USA)

My parents have been married for three years but have recently gotten divorced.
My mom left my dad.
I look a lot like my mom which upsets my dad.
So every time I do something that he doesn't like, he smacks me across the side of my face, drags me across my room, or punches me. He says I deserve it to show how much of a horses arse I am. I remind him so much of my mom, he takes his anger out on me.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Paula H

by Paula H
(Ireland)

My 1st memory was when I was lying on the sitting room green carpet looking at the glass cabinet to my right and the expanse of ceiling above. I was wriggling under the weight of my Father. My feet which were squashed against his thighs were facing downwards under his weight, I could hardly breath. His face was whiskery, scratching my face as his wet lips and face licked and kissed all over my tiny face, all while he called me his 'flower'. I was about 3yr old. My pushing and squirming against him only served to heighten his thrill.

My Mam opened the double doors between the sitting room and living room and I cried 'Mam help me, hes hurting me', she replied 'ah dont be shouting hes only playing with you'........and she left!

My next memory is me about 4 or 5 and I ran away from home! I had looked out the window at Mam going up the road and I grabbed any shoes on my feet and began to follow. I got lost following her but decided I felt safer lost than going home so I kept walking. I was eventually picked up by Gardi. I wouldnt say where I lived so they skirted the roads til we found Mam strolling along with the pram and my 5 siblings. I was handed over. That night my fathers words to me were 'you'll not bring gards to MY door again!'

The abuse continued but I blocked it from memory for 28years when my 13yr old daughter said one day 'I dont like the way Grandad holds me anymore...!' Anyone who knows my father KNOWS he doesnt 'hold' anyone. ALARM bells rang.

My father had been abusing my eldest since the age of 7. He abused her for 6yrs.

I had him put on trial. This was the 1st case of 2nd generation abuse in Ireland.

He was found guilty on ALL charges. HE DIDNT SPEND A SINGLE DAY IN JAIL!!!

We decided to name and shame him in the papers (it made front page on all national and regional papers, even a few in UK). We did this because we were warned he may do no time cos of his age, 76. He got 3x 2yr sentences to run all at one time, so he got 3yrs probation.

I later found out that BOTH my older sisters suffered as I and my daughter did. One sister has no memory of her pre 12yr old years!

My 3 children blame me for 'allowing' this to happen. They feel I was responsible for what happened and I should accept and acknowledge this as my role. They say I put them at risk. My eldest daughter never sees, speaks or communicates with me, she is married and 26yr old. The other 2 are 24 and 21 respectively.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Katie

by Katie
(Location Undisclosed)

this might sound very wierd, but im going to tell you what i have remembered from when i was young. i am 13 yrs old. i keep getting haunted by the thoughts of my 2 cousins hurting me. in my old house when i was about 5 years old i remember when my cousin told me to do something i can never forget. my cousins were about 13 years old at that time while i was only 5.its really hard for me to tell you everything that has happend to me but i can remember everything so clearly i just want to wash my brain and memories out so hard wih soap. you might not believe that i can remember this since then but i promise you this is no lie. one time he told me to kiss him and take my trousers off and do a disgusting act. he would tell me to come in his room every single day and he would do this to me.one day he asked me to meet him in his room as ussual but i didnt come. he was angry at me and said he was dissapointed at me and he hurt me.
when i was six years old his brother assualted me i felt so sick that they were brothers who i grew up with and they hurt me in such a way. i feel sick to even say his name. we moved out of that house because it was a very small house and there were not any proper shops around the corner where we could buy bread or milk we had to travel a long way in a car to get these things. when we moved into this new house we immediatly like it. it was a big house and all the bad memories had flushed away from me. untill he then moved in because he had an argument with his sisters and didnt want to live there no longer. he assualted me more in his bed room everyday when my brothers and sisters or parents didnt know what was going on in the same house.the thought of him living in the room right next to mine right this day right this second haunts me. ive never told anyone about this. right this moment the thoughts are hurting me so bad.
they are both now 23 and 24 yrs of age. im not speaking to the one that insulted me in his room every day because of some argument we had over me and my brother playing some game on the computer so he said he wasnot talking to me but i took this serious because he always takes the mick out of my name or he would call me an animal or a filthy beast. he doesnt hurt me anymore, i think it was because his mother had passed away. i loved her as my own mother the only thing i hated was that she didnt watch what her own two kids were doing to me. i would go to my room and cry untill my eyes were red my mum would ask me why i was crying but i would just make an excuse saying i hurt myself or something just to get her thinking everything was fine.i dont even look at him and my mum and brothers and sister tell me to forgive him but they dont really know why i cant.
i hate that one of the brothers is really nice to me now and he doesnt hurt me anymore doesnt even remember what he did to me. he hasnt said or done anything to me for such a long time but i still just cant forgive him for what he'd done. i just wish my parents could have watched me more and then maybe these things wouldnt have happend.
thankyou for listening.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Hellen

by Hellen
(Illinois, USA)

well i wasnt feeling ok this morning so i stayed home from school, thats when i got the text from my stepdad saying, work come so i can show you, i went into the room and laid down on the bed i really dont know why i did it just if i said no then i was scared of what might happened, he started rubbing my legs to "show" me how to rub his back, then he said rub my legs to and made me go higher, i could feel his u know and it was really gross i hated it i kept asking him if i was done then he said a few more minutes then i asked him again and he replied by saying 3 more mintues, does three minutes where the longest and most disgusting minutes of my life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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