Child Abuse Story From Jessica H

by Jessica H
(North Carolina, USA)

Numbness: 
I once heard from family members that my grandmother told my father not to whip her so much. Well, my story started back at 3rd grade. My loving grandmother had just passed. I was so depressed I couldn't function. That was the last time I felt my heart break. I was getting ready for school. It was picture day. My mother decided on a blue and white sweater with a yellow sailboat and blue leggings. I was a cute child on the chunky side but cute. My mother was telling me to do something. I said what in the wrong tone. Here came the tyrant. He waited until my mother left for work. Here he came with all his rage firing I knew I was the target. A boy that was a little younger than me came by my door to walk with me to the bus stop. I was surprised when my father told him to go on ahead that he was going to take me to school. I felt my pulse race my hands got sweaty. I hant had breakfast yet so he started up the stove to make pancakes. I sat down after he was done preparing them. As I reached for the fork he grabbed a hand towel he began choking me. I am at a panick.I don't know what to think. Then he lets go of the hand towel. I am at shock. Then he grabs me and throws me around the room. I couldnt fight back I was a child. Then he punches me in the stomach. I lose my breath. Then he is done with the game. Parent-1 child-0.


Years went on with him lashing me with a belt not the leather side the buckle. Then he would take me outside and throw me around outside. The pain wasn't near as bad as the humilation. He would call me fatso, worthless,nothing. Then to get me out of the house a neighbor took me to church. I went everytime I could to get away from Satan himself. If I was going to go to hell I wouldnt be afraid because I was in hell. In school I never did well always distracted. I was in middle school. I was never in my last period class. I was at the guidence counseler office. Praying to God or whomever would get me out of that house. God please just get me out of that house.

So the day came that the counsler would call social services. I was at a ease because I was thinking I would finally be out of hell. Wrong. I had brusies on my arm. The social worker took pictures of my arm. Some reason the worker got into trouble with my mother. He stopped coming by. I have given up hope I was in my hell.I was growing into a young lady of fifteen when he looks at me and says and I can still hear him saying this. "If abortion was legal you wouldnt be here." "You are what happens when a condom breaks". I was crushed I could deal with the beatings but for some reason I wanted his love. The beatings began again and this time worse. I remember a meatloaf song I was not allowed to listen to because it had a father beating his son. Rebellion began. The music got louder and the beatings got worse. I would laugh at him. I was for dang sure he would not see me cry. I laughed harder and harder

I had grown up more I was sixteen he tried to start the beatings again. I fought back this time. He had shook the wrong cage. I balled up my fist and gave it to him in the face. He may have won the battle but i won the war. He says it never happened but i remember my uncle got him off of me. Now I am mad at my entire family. They did not protect me. I asked them why? They told me that they did not want to get into it. I said I hope that is good enough when God asked them why.




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Child Abuse Story From Miss E

by Miss E
(Location Undisclosed)


Okay so when i was 4 my parents got divorced. My mother was a liar, and my father a man who tried to care for us. My mother married a man by the name of well lets call him Joe. Joe was a drug addict. he had a son named--lets refer to him as michael, and michael was the same age as my brother and I. However Joe treated me like a trophy and my brother he would call names, and everythign we were only 6. My room was right next to Joe and my Mothers while, Michael and my brother shared a room. I would hear my mother's screams at night. I would hear Joe screaming and cursing at her as he beat her. Then one day it escalated. He pulled me in the room and slamed the door, he said this is why u listen girl! And beat my mother infront of me. She punched him back, only to result in him breaking her nose. I called my father the next night and he took me away, helped my mother move on. Also I have nightmere's about Joe, molesting me. I told my counsleor and he said when i was younger i showed vast knowledge of sex but no knowledge of being sexually abused, so therefore i dont know where the nightmere's come from.

I am lucky to have a Father who loves me and never did anything to harm me
I still have not forgave my mother for not steping in




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Child Abuse Story From Angela H

by Angela H
(Louisiana, USA)

I was abused by my now deceased uncle,and my father. I was 9 when I first told my mom. She talked to him that night and I'll never forget the guilt I felt for him pushing her and hollering at her. She was scared. I felt at that time I needed to protect her. I never told her again. I suffered yeast infections, and she would sit me in hot hot water with lysol and make us soak. I tried to stay up and wait for him, laying back to back with my sister. Sometimes I would wake up and he was on me or getting off, and I wonder why didn't I wake, I must of let him. But I know better now. At 15 my sister left home. It got worse for me. The lock was removed from the door,then the door knob. I would steal rubber bands and hide nails under my mattress to rig a makeshift lock. I also used to tie cans together to make noise. He always got through. When I was 18, I got cancer, thyroid. Abuse continued, I had to leave home. My brother took me and ended up selling me to his friend. I was beyond devestated. My childhood friends parents took me in and never asked a word. I tried to file charges on my dad, but that brother came to me and said that the family would turn their back on me and my dad would committ suicide if cops showed up. I again was horrified. My family has never been there for me, they have shunned me as if I am the perpertrator. They have told people I went crazy due to the thyroid cancer. It's so surreal.These were my friends, cousins, classmates, people I played with went to church with, I trusted. Everyone in the small town in Louisiana has turned their back on me. Only a handful has been nice. To this day, the family that took me in don't know. I put them on such a pedestal. How can you pay someone back for kindness like that. My family still blames me for not being close. I had forgiven Dad on his death bed, but I don't know if I can forgive my mother. I want and need to get my story out, once and for all. I was a victim twice and have so much love to give. I know I would never let that happen to my kids. Thank You, Angela




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Child Abuse Story From Teri a 50 Year Old

by Teri
(North Carolina, USA)

when i was 7 years old my abuse started. i remember the smells, the unshavened face. i hate the smell of alcohol to this day. i use to hide under my parents bed to sleep,or on the floor curled up in front of their bedroom door, sometimes they would find me and make me go back to my bed so i would hide under the dirty laundry hoping he would not find me . he was my oldest step brother he was 27.the strangest part was i did not know what was happening to me, but i did not like it and i did not know what to do . then the peace would come .he would move out for awhile. then he would be back.when i was 9 years old i wrote a letter to my parent asking them to make IT stop. i did not know how to articulate the act to them. they sat me down and asked me to explain what i was talking about and when i described the act i was beated for making up such dirty things. then they sent me to see a shrink. they told him i was a bed wetter and had sexual fantasys . the shrink said it was because i wanted to get my real parents back together. the dr. never even asked me one single question .he must have based it on the fact that my parents were devorced. so the abuse continued for a few more years.raped at night and beat by day. after my brother married and moved away only the beatings continued, until i moved out and joined the navy .then when the navy did not work out i had to move back home . i was 20 years old and my mother started beating me again. yes i moved out.when i was 22 i met my husband ,got pregnant,got married. i married an alcoholic. i smell the smell of rape almost every day. i am 50 years old and i am still being raped in my mind.




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Child Abuse Story From Grumpy

by Grumpy
(Location Undisclosed)

i was raped when i was younger by my older brother . i can still remember some of the awful things that happened i was about 5 and we were in my moms room and he was sitting on the bed and he asked me to sit on his knee and i didnt think much of it then i saw him unzip his pants and i had no idea wat to do i felt it was wrong but was not sure and then he picked me up and put me on top of him he asked me if it hurt and i said yes he said good it is suppose to . then we heard some foot steps coming up the stairs and he quickly took me off of hm and my mom asked wat was happened but me being so ashamed of what had happened i said nothing. this continued over time and he started coming up with games we could play , they involved my younger brother that was like maybe 4 he would play truth or dare with us and when it was my turn to dare some one i always dared him to go into the closet with my younger brother just so he could leave me alone i feel so awful for that .... one time my brother showed me some pictures of my 2 year old sister naked with some other kid now that i think back on all the things that happened i just dont know how a 12 year old boy (being my older brother ) could cause so much pain to me ..... my brother moved to california with my aunts and uncles so i was happy he was out of the picture . but sick thoghts woud come into my head at the age 10 i was having sex thought i knew something was wrong but i didnt know how to stop myself i would sometimes go into my mothers intimate clothes drawer and put them on when me and my lil brother were alone and i would try to seduce him i dont know what i was thinking at the moment maybe i thoght it was normal i dont know but i just cant believe i was capeable to do it ... so i wonder if there is some thing wronge with me.
one time we almost got caught by my mom and my brother told my mom what we did but i denied it and said he was making things up ... after that i dont think i ever had a sexual thought with my brother again because i realized it was wrong ........ when i was 12 my brother came back for winter break and to see the new baby (my baby brother) and he tried coming into my room but i had started sleeping with sharp objects under my bed to feel safe and i pulled a knife out on him and he laughed and left my room ... then when i went down stairs my mom told me to take pictures with him and the fdamily and to go change and dress up and i did as i was told . he sat by me and was rubbing my back during the picture and i just got up and left i couldnt take it .... soon after he left back to california
a year after that me and my family were having issues i had blamed my dad for the abuse that was happeneing to me and i hated him for a long time .... so i moved to cali with one of my aunts . when i got to my aunts house i wasnt really accepted they would look down on me and think of me as a little sl*t or basically a low life and i was always getting put down by my cousin . i hate her so much till this day i suffered alot of emotional abuse in that house i felt as if i was not wanted there and they wold always talk about me and one day i couldnt take it no more and i left to a park that was near the house and i cried there for a long time and then finally went back home .......i would have to go and visit my brother because my family would make me and then they would tell me to sleep in my brothers room because all the others room were taken up so i figured it would happen again and so i drank i thought maybe if i just drink i wont feel anything and i might not care i was wrong i felt so dirty after and then that b***ard still called me a sl*t after he found out i was dating someone . i hate him so much i wish he would die .after that he never touched me again cause i tried to stay away from as much possislbe and my aunts kids were older then me they were 21 or somethin and they molested me to i think it has happened so manytimes in my life that i just take it like sometimes i think its normal but i know its not but i dont know how to say no i just dont want people to know i dont want no one in my family to look down on me anymore ... and the thing that made me angrier is that they would look at my brother as being the best kid ever and me being the trash that just tore me up inside ..... after a while i just wanted to get away from there and i moved in with my cousins and i was there for a while i messed up alot there i hung out with bad people there but for the first time i felt as though i was accepted for me . after a while of staying there my uncle would make some comments towards me that made me feel uncomfertable and i told my cousins and they would never leave me alone in the house with him which was good because i feel that he would have raped me if it werent for them . things got bad and i ran away from there and moved back in with my mom and when i came back i told one of my bestfriends what was happenening to me and she told me that my brother was raping her to and i felt bad but i knew i wasnt alone ....
things now in my life are going good im a teen mom and i have a bf who knows most of everything of my life but other things i just choose not to talk about i hope my story helps another teen . i wish i would have said something so he could be in jail but instead he is out free enjoying life while i have to live mine with this inside me . me and my dad are fixing things between us . and me and my brother are really close i love him to death and i think he has no memory of what happened or he just might pretend to not know either way its good its not really something i want to talk to him about and my little sister she doesnt know a thing which is good i just dont want them to go through the things i had to go through ....... i blame the way i am to my brother i dont trust alot of people its not fair that im living my teen years with all this painful memories . but thats life its not fair i guess.




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Child Abuse Story From Me for Marie

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I am writing this for my friend. I'm going to call her Marie in this story, and the situation has been slightly altered as well, first because it would be very difficult and complicated to explain, so I'm putting it in terms that everyone will understand right away. Secondly for her anonymity and identity protection, as well as for her privacy. I, too, have been abused as a child, but that isn't important.

Marie was physically abused by her mom growing up. Every day her mom who was an alcoholic, beat her and slapped her, and screamed at her, and cussed at her. Her mom abused her horrifically. Her mom spent the rest of the time passed out drunk, leaving no one to raise her or take care of her, so she suffered neglect as well. Marie's father finally got the courage to take her and leave his wife.

When Marie was young, she was sexually abused by a relative. For two or three months, Marie and her father lived with the relative, and at night, her time came. To be abused by his hand. Coldly. Marie was abused nearly every night, being aggressively molested by him. It was so aggressive, I consider it to be rape, not molestation. Night after night, this happened. Finally, she turned nine, and they moved away from him. She still didn't tell anyone, though. At last, her father talked to her and asked her if anything happened, and she admitted. Immediately, her father pressed charges.
It went to court. Marie was taken away from her family, and eventually, adopted. Her adoptive family put her in counseling, but took her out before she could heal. Her battle scars are numerous, physically and emotionally. One can see these immediately, just from spending time with her. Her fear of the dark. Her fear of adult women. Her fear of being alone. I should know...we're best friends.

Marie still lives with her adoptive family. She is allowed to visit her father on occasion.
The hate in her heart won't help her heal. Forgiveness will, because by hating, you only hurt more. Her abusers won't care if she hates them, but hating them takes her energy and causes her misery. Forgiveness, however, will be like a breath of fresh air. I should know...I've been there countless times.

I pray Marie will see this, as well as you, who are reading this.




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Child Abuse Story From Sandra

by Sandra
(Norway)

I think I've been through everything that could possibly happen to a child, and everything started 18 years before my birth. My mother has always been mentally unstable since she was sent from a poor land in Asia to Norway.

No one knows what went wrong, but she got to the most wonderful family here in Norway, and when she was 18 she got pregnant by my father. Two years after my birth they split up, and I had to live with my mother. My mother already then was harshly addicted to drugs.

She lied and manipulated me, and thats pretty much all she did. Sometimes she would threaten to kill me if she didn't get heroin, other times she was so sick of me that she tried to starve me to death. Her boyfriend (who she got when I was about 4 years old) was a drug addict too! They were not very nice to each other, or me for that sake.

He would beat up my mother every day, and I would go hide. Then I finally moved to my dad, and things went better. Until they (my mother and her boyfriend) decided that they wanted a child. For the next two years they would take drugs, while they beat up me, my little brother and each other. Then the state finally placed my brother in a foster home, where he is safe now. And after that my mother and her boyfriend split, too!

The next years were not good, but better. Now it was only the manipulation left. My mother would make me believe that no one loved me, and specially not my dad, who I lived with. Of course she was always way to high to speak right, but I was too little to notice. And since I thought my dad hated me, I would start ridiculous fights with him.

While me and my fathers relationship went straight to hell, my mother found another man. This time a pedophile. From when I was 11 my new stepdad started to touch me every time I visited my mother. Sometimes he tried to rape me, but I never let it go that far, I think...

My next years were like this. Get touched by my mothers boyfriend, fight every other day with my father, and get manipulated by my mother. Until I was 14 this happened almost everyday.

Until this one day, when I realised the lies my mother had been telling me. And yeah, thats when the abuse stop. Now it's only the rest left...life. Which Is Another Story. I'm Fine now, almost.




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Child Abuse Story From Amber

by Amber
(Virginia, USA)

From the time I was about 8 to the age 15, my step father molested me. It started out him just being really nice to me, convincing my mom to let me have a guinea pig or any small animal I wanted, to buying me candy, and just anything that I wanted for a while. Then he would walk in the room I was in when no one was home and he would 'play' with himself in front of me. & He would always ask me 'want to touch it'? I always told him that was gross & I would just ignore him. Everytime he did this, he would call me his 'little buddy' & make me swear not to tell anyone. Being really young & gullible, he lied and told me God wouldn't forgive me if I broke my swear & if I told anyone, so of course I kept quiet. It definitely got worse throughout the years. He would make me watch porn with him; When I took my baths, he would open the door & watch me naked in the tub & continue to play with himself; and eventually, it got to where I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be in my bed laying next to me, pulling up my gown, rubbing on me, and he would grab my hand and make me touch him! Other nights, he would shove his fingers inside of me. I pushed him away and told him to leave me alone but he just smiled and kept doing it. I hated him so much. When I was 13+ I would eventually lock the bathroom door, stop wearing gowns and wear pj bottoms and I would YELL at him when he would try to make me touch him. I really wish I would have told SOMEONE about what was going on for so long & I was scared he would hurt me or even rape me if he got the chance. By Some Luck, & I know this happened because God loves me & wanted to protect me from being hurt anymore -- he unexpectedly passed away one day at home while I was in school. By Blood Clot. I played the 'sad role' because I still wasnt ready to tell anyone, and my mom was really upset when it happened. Actually, I'm 20 years old now, and I finally told my mom and sister when I was 18! Now that they know, it's a relief, but I am going through depression, and all kinds of stuff now, and have been for a while.




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Child Abuse Story from Emma R

by Emma R
(Kentucky, USA)

i hate my life. i was abused since i was 4, sexually, physically, emotionally. My own dad would tie me up,put a sock in my mouth,and rape me.other times,i was just beaten for being alive.i had to sleep in my dads bed every night.he always touched me.his moans are burned in my memory.one day,my dad told me to come into the living room,and him and like,6 friends,held me down,and raped me,they said if i cried,i got locked in the basement.my mom didn't care what they did,she walked in on my dad raping me,and didnt do anything,the night after,she beat ME,calling me a s*ut for doing her man. one day,she got so angry,she cut me with a razor,right under my eye,for years they called me nothing but scar-face.dealing with that,and being called worthless,dirty.and being beaten every night,i couldnt handle it,i ran away.i became addicted to heroin,and became a stripper,becuase,i felt that was the only way i could be loved. I'm away from that,and have 6 month old twin daughters i love to death,i'm working on my heroin problem,and am living in a small trailer with my girls.i think about suicide becuase my girls deserve better than me,way better.i cant provide for them like rich people could.thanks for letting me share my story on here.




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Child Abuse Story From Donna

by Donna
(Houston, Texas, USA)

You are not alone: 
I was about 7 or 8 years old when my aunt's husband, T--, called me over to sit in his lap while my mother and aunt were upstairs looking at photo albums. It was the type of apartment where the second level where my mother and aunt were was like a loft. I could hear my mother and my aunt looking at family photo albums and laughing. They had no idea that he was holding me in his lap and sticking his fingers in my vagina. It hurt so bad because I was very dry in that area and so very small. That son-of-a-bitch knew exactly what he was doing and when I told my mother about it he lied like a dog. He said he had no idea what I was talking about. It was not until I was about 19 years old that he came to my mother and admitted what he had done to me. I will always believe that he must have come forward because he was in a 12 step program and decided that he should come forward in his 8th and 9th step and admit what he had done to me. I know this because I later became an alcoholic and joined a 12 step program where it was required in the 8th and 9th steps that you "admit the exact nature of your wrongs", and that is why I think that he finally came forward. I still have problems in my marriage because of this molestation. I hope that someone will read this and realize that they are not the only one that suffers still because of what someone did to them sexually so many years ago.




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Child Abuse Story From Jamie

by Jamie
(Location Undisclosed)

Forced at 7... 
Growing up, i was moved around alot.. i lived with my mom and my older breother who is 2 yars older and a younger brother who is 6 years younger, along with my step dad.. My mom was the most wondefull person, so i thought... untill one day when i was seven. she sold me for drugs. she let her deeler have his way with me, and i did not understand what was happening. i thought it was okay, he said my mom told him it was okay. But she told me that it was "our secret". i would get atleast one guy a week, at first it was cuddling and touching, but when i was aroung 9 they started to force me to have sex, i will remember the first time. the pain... the blood the tears that filled my eyes i will remember the look in his eyes as he pushed himself into me. i will remember the hate that filled me. the rage that boiled in my mind.. my mother being the cowerd she was taught her ONLY DAUGHTER the how toos in the bedroom. then finally when the drugs took over her completly, she left... she left use homeless and hungry. my aunt and uncle saved us. took me my s.dad and brothers in.. but the abuse did not stop there.. a few years ago i was gang raped at a party, and just like befor i told no one.. untill now...




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Child Abuse Story From Sydney

by Sydney
(Minnesota, USA)

i am not exactly sure if i am being abused. my dad drinks a lot. at least once a day but he doesnt get drunk. anyway- if i do something he doesnt like for example forgetting to make my bed he hits me. he will slap me across the face. he always calls me name like "fat lazy pig" or "lazy b***h". he hurts my feelings so bad and he never shows me any love. i cant recall the last time he hugged me. im only 13. he never says i love you. he favors my brother all the time.




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Child Abuse Story From Linda

by Linda
(Indiana, USA)

My Abusive Family: 
I believe that child abuse goes under several categories. That which I only believe I suffered was one type. I did not suffer physical abuse much other than the occasional push, shove, slap or hair being pulled. I was not molested. And I was not neglected as such might think. At least I don't feel like I was neglected. I had clothes on my back and I food in my belly. But I was emotionally abused.

My mother had four children, two girls and two boys, including me. I being one of the girls. I have only met one brother, that when I was a little child. He was adopted by family on the other side of my family. The others, one sister and one brother were adopted by strangers. I was lucky, or not lucky as some would view, to have been adopted by my mother's mom. My grandma, who I was named after.

I don't quite know how to express these feelings. My mother was not, and is not, fit to take care of children seeing as she is mentally ill and a drug addict. She experiences different moods. One moment trying to convey her love for me and the next telling me she hates me and hopes I die in a car accident. She gives me presents, then takes them away telling me I'm fat and saying that she's going to write a book on me when I get to be the fattest woman in the world. Now that's hurtful to a child. And even though I know it's not her fault because she's ill, but it hurt then, and it hurts now. Every now and then we'll get in an argument and she'll say hurtful things. I'll pray for her and ask for forgiveness. Why do I put up with it, I continually ask my-self? Because I can't do anything about it? No, because i haven't had the opportunity, what with my grandma telling me not to go to the school counselor. That if I did I would get takin' away from her. My mother abused me emotionally.

Grandma hurt my feelings about everyday. Little comments that would feel like she was judging my weight. she would make me feel stupid. She never let me talk and she always thought she was right and I was wrong. I could never be right. Ever. Never could a regular conversation last. It would always turn into a argument. One good thing that my grandma did do was take me to church. There I felt safe from ridicule, from resentment and anger. There I would feel peace and hope that maybe some day things would be better. My grandma didn't care that much about my school. Oh, she'd put on a facade and pretend to care but she always would walk away. I had a concert that I had to preform at and my grade would drop a whole letter grade if I didn't go. And where did my grandma go? To bingo.

Enters my aunt when I'm little still. Now she would say that she wasn't the cause of my cussing. Yah. Cussing became a part of my major vocabulary. The worst influence I could have. Yah in the beginning she held a job but after a while she started drinking, calling in sick, and getting fired for being late. She went through men like candy. Always a different one after a while. My aunt turned into an alcoholic and we started getting in arguments. We must have had the policed called several times. We moved, not far away, and we had the cops called several times again from neighbors. Now most of these happened at night time, so seeing we were in arguments a lot at night i barely got sleep. My grades decreased. I didn't want to go to school because I would always be hounded by the teachers that would be asking me if and how I was going to improve my attitude and grades. I would try to miss school as much as I could. My teachers were fed up with me. the kids would bet if I would come to school one day or the other. I felt ridiculed no matter where I went. That year I ended the grade with all D's in every subject.

We continually had the cops called and then it happened. The one where it turns from an argument into a physical fight. We went at it together. I threw everything I had into it. Me, being 13, held my own against my aunt, who is about 200 pounds and 5'7 and in her 40's. Me, a scrawny teen, started to realize that this fight, I would not win if it went on. Now my grandma stands on the sidelines trying to talk some sense into her daughter who I, at the time had pinned. I used all the body weight I had and tried to subdue her, but I couldn't. But I knew people who could. I yelled at grandma to call the cops but she wouldn't. Something in me died that night. I think that if grandma had to choose, right then she would have chosen her real daughter. Not the granddaughter who continually disappointed her. First a tomboy, then a teenager who had problems. My grandma wouldn't call the cops and the fight took a turn for the worst. My aunt got the upper hand and my head got twisted a certain way and I felt this searing pain in the back of my neck. My body twisted one way and my head another direction. I pushed into my aunt instead of away and then I twisted my body sideways and rightened it. Basically I saved my self from a broken neck. I got away called the cops and they came. I gave my statement though I didn't remember anything that I put in it after I handed it over. All I knew was a great relief that it was over, and thought maybe I would have peace at least 'till my aunt got out of jail. I was wrong. I felt like I was hounded by guilt from my grandma and my aunt's boyfriend. It went on like that and when my aunt came back things were different. There was more animosity between us than before. I waited for it to explode. Every day, every night, I would stay awake through the night wondering if might aunt was going to get me for putting her in jail. I waited and waited. Nothing did happen.

My Mom is a drug addict. My aunt though, is currently on the road with her old flame who promises to marry her. My grandma is still her old self. Through all of it i found people to help me get out of it. I still live with my grandma, but during the week I go to a Christian school and live with a Christian host family during the week. Though I would not label my experience horrifying and totally abusive and put it up there next to sexual abuse or physical abuse, it still was sad. I'm still dealing with my mom & grandma but it's all made easier with God. He has helped me in a way no other can. God has helped me to little by little to forgive those who hurt me and to start trusting.

I'm 14 and dealing with this and hoping I'm doing it right. If I feel lost or hurt I pray. Slowly but surely I am making progress. With Gods help anything is possible. Especially healing.




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Child Abuse Story From Gemma

by Gemma
(Canberra, ACT, Australia)

Well, it all started when I was born basically. Until i was about 18 months old my mum was a stay at home mum and would look after me and my older brother (he's older by six years). My dad was a "labourer" in the sense that he did manual work. Anyway, my dad ended up injuring himself and turned to drugs as a pain relief. Mostly it was a mix of heroin, marijuana and alcohol. After a while he found out that he could never work again because he dropped out of school and didnt have the reading and writing skills needed for a desk job he stayed at home and my mother went to work to provide for the family.
His drug habits got worse and my mum worked longer hours as their marriage started to fall apart and my siblings and I seemed to become the target for his rage. I don't really remember alot of my childhood as i seem to have suppressed most of it but from what i can remember it was not good. My youngest sister has been and always will be the "disobedient" one. She would talk back to him and do things that she knew she wasnt ment too. At the time she was only 3 years old at the most. My dad would drag her around the house by her arm, her hair, her leg, anything he could get his hands on really and when he wasn't able to do that he would hit her so hard she would literally go flying across the room. My older brother got it bad too. He is not my dads biological son,( he is from my mums first marriage, my dad was her second) it seemed that he would intentionally find fault with everything that my brother did. I remember my dad belting him because he accidently stood on my toes, he broke my brothers toe when he stamped on his foot, kicked him into the wall when he dropped a plate etc. Then there was me, he would hit me and kick me almost just as much as my brother because i would try to protect my younger sister but thats not all he did. Right up until the age of nine he would bath me and clean every part of me, and i mean every part, there was no crevice or hole that he did not violate, and that happened about twice a week.
He would also use my mother against us and vice versa, i saw my mother cry alot and near the end she would barely be home (in her defence she didnt know what was going on and to this day still doesnt).
My mother still doesn't really know what happened but she knows something did so she took me to a child phycologist (I'm only 16) and i have been diagnosed with depression and PTSS (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome for those who don't know). I'm not healthy in any sense of the word. I spent days in bed not eating or talking, not really moving after a visit from my dad, i have complete mental breakdowns over the smallest things and even the sound of glass breaking lead into me sitting in the corner or in my room crying for hours.
No one really knows what happened but i just felt the need to tell people.... maybe it will help me...




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed82

by Name Undisclosed
(South Yorkshire, UK)

My sister and me! 
I was about 7-8 years old when it first happened, It was at my grandmas house when I used to stay over for the night. My grandma would go to bed and my uncle aged 15-16 would come into the living room where i would sleep on the sofa. He would ask me if i wanted to play a game, I always said yes. He would ask me to lay with him and then take down my knickers and and start touching me in inappropriate places. I was really confused at the time as i didn't understand about sex. He would then take off my nighty and tell me to sit on top of him while i watched the television, i remember feeling quite uncomfortable and it hurting but i didn't know what to say. When he finished playing his games he would ask me if it felt nice and then go back into his bedroom. I remember going to the toilet afterwards and sometimes i would bleed and feel really sore. It wasn't just at night time where he would play his sick and twisted games, he would take me into his bedroom while my gran would be eating her lunch or doing something to keep herself busy, he used to put me in his cupboard and tell me to stand on a little chair and bend over and made out it would feel really nice, sometimes i would cry because i was in so much pain. He would also say "If you suck my penis then I will give you some money for sweets". I would do it and he would push my head down really hard until i almost chocked. His games lasted for what seemed to be ages, could have been years I dont really remember. All i remember is him telling me that if i was to tell anyone he would end up behind bars and i would be in trouble with the police. I kept quiet until one day my sister mentioned the same thing happened to her she was a year younger than me. We put it behind us when the games stopped and it would be sometimes comforting to talk to each other about how we felt. I still see my uncle quite often and am starting to feel really uncomfortable around him.
I am 22 years old now and have two beautiful little boys, my youngest is 2 months old, since he was born it has been on my mind constantly and is driving me mad. I tried to tell my partner because im so scared about how its affecting my life if i keep it hidden inside, i could only get as far as telling him me and my sister were sexually abused as children. I can't possibly tell anyone about what he has done to us because im worried about what will happen to the whole family. I love my mum to bits and confide in her so much but feel guilty and sick for keeping this filthy secret from her, its awful not being able to tell her the one thing that is really upsetting me. I don't know what i can do now and how to just put it behind me without holding on to these disturbing feelings. Thanks for listening to my story xxx




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed83

by Name Undisclosed
(Australia)

THE PAIN I WENT THROUGH AS A CHILD: 
I've been trying to nail my problem for some time. I seem to have a heightened sense of past fear. I grew up with an abusive brother even my mother turned a blind eye because of him. So sometimes I feared for my life. I just remember being fearful and physically abused a lot while growing up.

I have bean through depression, anxiety and who knows what else. I just don't know. I feel there is more to what's going on with me other than having a lack of self esteem and confidence.

I have been the victim of child abuse. I was emotionally and physically abused by my brother until the age of 14. He made out that all the abuse was my fault and I deserved every punch in the face and every sleepless night. I know now that none of the abuse was my fault and that I didn't deserve any of it.

I kept it a secret from everyone the pain was building up inside. I hid the marks with long sleeves. I laughed until I cried around my friends when inside I was screaming, "Somebody please help me!" I pretended to be happy in school but always thinking, "Please don't let the day end." My grades were bad because of this
My Mother and father were oblivious to the abuse. Dad was gone for days at a time. When he came home I felt the relief fall from me, at times I also felt that he didn't care.

From the age of eight I had no idea what was in store for me for the next six years, My parents being new Australians and not having much to do with the English language they volunteered my older brother to look after me by the way of education, My brother being a student at Sydney University at that time, studying to be a Physiotherapist, would obviously have a lot on his plate, but gave him no excuse for the pain he put me through,

On this particular day it started, my father and brother went out shopping for a study table, I was all excited having something new being bought for me. The table was delivered that afternoon, as the delivery people came in I was guiding them up to my room, once again all excited.

A few days passed and I started to realise that F--- was unleashing some anger towards me as he was teaching me the basics of spelling and reading. He gave me some reading tasks to do as I started reading I had some with pronouncing some of the words in the book, He would yell out ?WHAT ARE YOU F***** STUPID? I lowered my head with embarrassment. Only to be hit three times in the back of the head, I was forced to write a one page summary about the story I had read that night.

I had no idea how to write a summary at that age, it was 11pm and I had school the next day. He walked in the room to see what I was up to, I had completed about eight lines of the summary with some spelling mistakes, He was furious he hit me with his fist continually screaming YOU F***** IDIOT, He then made me write the words that I spelled wrong '1000' times per word, I would cry out loud and no one would hear me. I finally finished 5000 lines; it was now 4am and I was exhausted, I fell asleep with my head slumped on the table. That morning as I got ready to go to school, F--- came in to my room and told me I was grounded for three months and I was to be home straight after school, for not completing the lines, I was short by '50 words'.

I dreaded going home. I walked slow, fear rising in my belly, wondering if he would be there when I got home. I wanted to just keep walking, not head in the right direction, to turn and run the other way, but in the back of my mind knowing that if I was late I would be in for another beating. But the fear that wanted me to not go home was also a fear that said I better get there.

I walked through the front door and the first thing I heard was his voice "Go straight to your room" he said, I looked at Mum and she turned her head as if she didn't hear a thing. I started crying as I walked up the stairs, i then went to my room, a short time later, he came in with some books that dad had brought for us. There were ten volumes with around 30 chapters in each. The same thing happened as the previous night I was forced to stay awake and complete the tasks that F--- had given me, the books got harder and harder and so did the tasks.

Three months had past and F--- had stuck to his word I never left the house for entire three months. I was dropped from the soccer and cricket team.

I had also lost most of my friends. He had left for a few weeks and was due to be back the next day, I pleaded to my mum and dad for him to go easy on me when he got back. I made the best of the last hours by catching up on with the friends I had left. It was hard to explain to them what happened as at that age they would probably laugh at me by being grounded.

The day I was dreading came too fast The Monster was back, the plea to my parents fell on deaf ears. I could feel my heart pumping with fear as he walked through the door; everybody was excited to see him back. Except me. I was hoping that it was the end and he would forget about wanting to teach me but that thought didn't last long. He got through the hugs and kisses he then turned towards me and pointed to my room. Once again I looked towards my mum for a response again she turned her head.

I was in another world, a world where nobody cared, this couldn't be happening, I made my way to my room I cant explain the feeling I was having it was like a feeling of helplessness. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs towards my room, it was him at my door in aloud voice he said SHOW ME WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS? I had nothing to show, he made his way towards me with that angry look on his face and lashed out with a hit to the head, I tried to get away and hid under the bed but he just pulled me out by me hair and threw me on my chair, Mum came up to see what the noise was about but F--- told her to leave. What have I done to deserve this

He then closed the bedroom door and kneeled down towards me and yelled, IM GOING TO MAKE YOUR F***** LIFE HARD. He pulled out a book that I had been reading previously picked out ten random words and told me to spell them; I got most of them wrong, he than made me do 8000 lines, one thousand per word I spelled wrong.
Then grounded me for a additional six months

This physical and verbal abuse went on and on for years. I was forced to stay up almost every night to at least 4 am for a good six painful years, the anger that was forced on me brings me to this day of hatred towards him and everything to do with him I cant forgive him for the life he put me through.

The one concern I have is that his two daughters will go through the same or even worse life than I did. He needs to be stopped.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed84

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Every survivor of abuse has there own story. Each of us experienced something different during the abuse. My abuse is something I am actually thankful for. If I had not been abused, I would not have tried to commit suicide, and I would never have saved my mother and sister from all of the abuse.
As a little girl I thought all of the abuse going on in my house was normal, but as I got older more and more signs showed me that my family was not the average. Growing up my father began to work less and less hours and then eventually stopped working all together. He claimed to be working from home, this was not the truth. The more he was home the more abuse happened. My dad's home office turned into a room of him watching porn, making me and my sister watch porn, hearing fighting, and getting hit.
My friends stopped coming over because they began to see my father's violent temper and became afraid. My mother's friends stopped talking to her because they were afraid for me and my sister. The whole time I was making myself puke once a day and barely eating. By the middle of 7th grade I was 76 pounds and hospitalized for trying to kill myself.
In the hospital I realized that what was going on was not normal. It was then I decided my life is here to prevent child abuse for everyone I can.




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed85

by Name Undisclosed
(Wales)

My childhood from a child within coming out: 
I am a Adult survivor of childhood abuse. I do not remember much of very early years but from the age of 6 is very clear to me. And I am not sure when it all started. Both my parents were heavy drinkers worked full time and drank a lot in the evenings. It was a confusing life for me as a child. I was sometimes beat by my dad locked in my room with no toys. And sometimes they even sang songs to me and played records. They then sent me to my grandparents in the holidays and after school my dad Father use to sexually abuse me and spent all his time in bed. My Gran could do nothing. One day I climbed out the window of a second story flat to get the shops where my Gran was shopping. No one in my family seemed to care or want to stop it or even believe me. Till I was about 14 I decided to run away from home because a local man decided to mess with me. And is parents grilled me about it because I told. And again nothing was done about it. I was brought back home by the police and got a beating for telling by my dad. By granddad was dead by then he died when I was 11.

Then at 16 I was baby sitting for a family who had 2 children and one day I was there Father raped me. And it resulted in me getting pregnant I did not report it as it was to hard to bear. I had the baby and he is grown up now. I started to self harm to releve the pressure in my head but had to go into hospital for 4 years. But had my son back when I came out as family was looking after him for me.

Then I got married and had 2 more children that ended because I could not stand him hurting me. 10 years on with a lot of couciling I am able to look after my self and not so vulnerable to men that like to abuse children or adults.

I still get back flashes of horrible things that has happened to me I will be like others be scarred for life on the inside that never goes away. But we learn to deal with it and try to live our life to the full.

i am not much good at putting it down on paper as i did not have much schooling but it is the truth.




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed86

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

This may seem strange but I remember the first night he came to my room after everyone had gone to bed, I thought he was Santa. I was about 4 or 5, it is my 1st memory of what was to be a big part of my life for years to come. That my father was a monster! He sexually abused me until I was 16, until then I didn't know how to stop it because he wasn't my only monster. For years I had 2 uncles, 2 cousins(who were 20 yrs older than me) and a brother-in-law that were sexually abusing me. You maybe asking why I didn't do or say something to anyone about what was happening to me, well this was the 70's and so many men were using me that I thought that there was someting about me that I deserved to be used in this way! Well, I am now 46 and I finally had a breakdown in 03 at the age of 39. The wall I had built came crumbling down along with the guilt and shame I have carried most of my life. I am a manic depressive but I manage to get through one day at a time. I have 3 beautiful children,and I thank God for these blessings every day, and for the strength he has given me to live each day with the memories of my youth.

My only advice to those who read my story is to please, please educate your children on any form of abuse from strangers, especially relatives....




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed87

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

when i was home my step mom was yelling at me and i was scared but then she told me something that stuke into my mind that hurt and she side to my face no one will love you and i it stuke there for a long time my friend wes there for me on the next day she asked me whats wrong cuz she seen me crying and she was theere for me same as god i knew i wasnt alone i still cry today thow when ever i think of it but i know its not true alot of people love me and my sister and my mom and c.b




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed88

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Sexual abuse age 6/7, dealing with guilt: 
Ok, wow, never thought i would be writing this. when i was 6 or 7 i was babysat regularly by a family friend who i think was about 17/18, although to me he then seemed like a massive scary adult. when my mum was out and my brother was asleep he would make me suck his penis and he would finger me, and when i'd tell him how much it hurt he wouldn't listen and carry on doing it. one time he asked me to have sex with him and when i said no he said he'd rape me. i don't think he ever did, i can't really remember why, i think my mum came home. he would teach me how to do things i shouldn't know. i didn't know what cum was at that time and thought it was normal to do what he wanted me to do. i didn't tell anyone coz i was embarrassed and thought it was just something that happened to everyone and that everyone had to deal with that kind of pain at that age, and that it was just the way it was. when i was 7 or 8 we moved house so it stopped. when i was 11 i told my best friend and asked her what stuff she used to do. she was really shocked and told me it didn't happen to everyone, and i started getting really confused til one day when i was 12 i had an argument with my mums boyfriend and exploded and told my mum everything.

my mum made me tell the police and we had a court case, but because of lack of evidence he got away with it and was never charged.

when it started i developed a fantasy world in my head that i used to go into as an escape, and still now (i am 23) i live in it constantly and have daily rushes of guilt and confusion.

i am dying to talk to someone about it properly as i have never really thought about it in detail or told anyone how much it messed me up. i now suffer from immense guilt all the time about everything, and have never been able to have a close relationship with anyone. i am constantly in my own head and don't really live in the real world. i also have guilt as i sometimes have really f***ed up moments where i fantasise about things that are really wrong, and i think i need help.

i feel stupid for even saying it but i need to tell someone.




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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed89

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

The Pain of Sibling Abuse: 
I do not have many memories of my childhood that I am able to cherish. I came from a family of five children. My parents were married when they were sixteen years old and with a set of twins had five children by the time they were twenty four. My father worked hard and was very wealthy and we lived a priviledged lifestyle. I had one sister and three brothers. I do not rember a time in my life when my oldest brother did not taunt, tease and torment me. My father insisted we all sit down for family meals. The minute I arrived and took my seat, the debasing, snickering, name calling and humiliaiton would begin. My parents and my siblings would beg me to ignore him and I would try so hard, but finally I would break down in tears sobbing at the table. My mother would scream at my father in an effort to get my father to make my brother stop or scream at my brother or scream at me. I would usually get up and leave the table. I would sit at the top of the stairs and listen to the family talk and eat their dinner. It seemed as if all of the problems and chaos had disappeared because I was no longer there. There was a family dog, George. My brothers would torment the dog until he was mean and gnarly and then sic him on me. I was so terrified. They would take my toys and set them on fire. Somehow, we remained a family with a reputation as "tight" and "close knit". There was a loyalty my Dad instilled in all of us that no matter what happened, you stand by your family. I worked in the family business along with my abusive brother, my younger brother and my sister. My other older brother had moved a great distance away. My oldest brother continued to harass and humiliate me even as adults in the workplace. I became tough, defensive, argumentative. I drank heavily and used drugs for "fun" nights out. I was sexually promiscuous, but nobody in my family knew or they turned a blind eye. I tried to avoid my oldest brother whenever possible, but even in my twenties, he would tease and humiliate me when I saw him. I married someone at age twenty four as equally damaged as myself. My branch of the company moved to a seperate location so I did not see my abuser as much as I had. My husband and I are the great survivors. He is an attorney and I have had some degree of success as an insurance agent and bookkeeper. I am now fifty one years old and I feel unlovable. It is destroying my marriage. I have abandoned so many friends in my life, it is absurd. I went to therapy for five years and quit about a year and a half ago. I feel so lonely, but nobody I know is aware of these struggles I grapple with. My husband is so defensive and layered up, it is impossible for us to share our pain. I actually went to work for my oldest brother, the abuser, for five years and was recently laid off due to lack of work. He had a small office with two employees and I saw him everyday. I think that has made many of these emotions resurface. We have never discussed the abuse and besides a couple of incidents over the five years, he treated me with respect and affection. The abuse has never been spoken of until recently. I learned in therapy about sibling abuse and confided in my sister and younger brother. They immediately confirmed the misery that was wreaked on the family from the torment I endured from my older brother. I often question why it was me he picked to abuse. Why didn't my parents protect me? I wonder sometimes if there is more in my past than what I am aware of. The pain is so great and I remember so little. I think my mind is protecting me. I have lost my childhood memories. Psychologist seem to think that is nothing to be concerned about, but I do not fully know who I am or where I came from and it bothers me. I want to know myself as a child no matter how painful it is.




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Child Abuse Story From Lyric W

by Lyric W
(Washington, USA)

on march 4th 2010 i was kicked out of my mom's house. on that day i had a detention but after i was supposed to go strait home on the bus and instead i walked over to my friend's house because my mom never let me go over to my friends' houses. i was there till 6pm and then when i started walking home i saw my mom driveing and she told me to get in the car so i obeyed her. soon as i got in the car she started yelling at me and told me that i was grounded for a month. when we got home she told me to give her my backpack and she started going through it. she found my shirt inside, she told me to take off my sweater and after the 6th or 7th time i finaling listened and she saw that i was wearing a corset underneath that my dad had given me not too long ago. my mom and my dad are not together and haven't been since i was really little. my mom then told me to grab all my things from upstairs and bring them downstairs. i brought most of my things down. then she told me not to go upstairs and to take things from downstair and to leave. i said no and stared up the stairs. my mom ran infront of me and pushed me but eventually i got all the way up the stairs. i went strait to my room that i had had there and grabbed a peace of paper and started reading it;it was her weakness, frustration. then my mom tackled me and called my auntie when she was done and now i live with my aunt j. i am now 14 was 13 then. been almost a year now. my mom and brother live in kansas with my brother's dad and i am still with my auntie and still fighting depression.
in january of 2010 i was raped my boyfriend and havent seen him since. at school i am bullied alot. i am very sensitive to the word rape and people know it. when my family and friends are bullied or people pick on them i usually defend them and myself because i am over protective of myself and those around me that i care about.
thank you for reading my story.




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Child Abuse Story From Kira

by Kira
(Germany)

two years ago when i was 9 it was summer time and i was visiting my grandma. my grandma had a friend whows grandson lived with her he was cute and i kinda liked him. he was 11 so we came over and he had a pool so we got in and after a while our grandmothers went inside and said we could stay out there so me an tj swam a little longer then we went inside and i went in to the bathroom to take a shower and he came in and got undressed and i said what are u doin he said we have to take a shower together so in the shower he layed on the ground and looked at me while i didnt really know how to feel i was young i kinda felt ok bein in the shower with him but then he took som soap an washed me the he started touchin my body then it felt weird but i have three brothers that are yonger and am use to taking showers with boys an getting my butt smaked and punched in the chest so i was ok but i got dessed and we left and i went home it sonds wrong but i just went back to arizona a month ago before i came her and im 11 and he's 13 and i still like him and am attracted to him even more now that im older but upset cause i know more thaks for listening.




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Child Abuse Story From Too Scared To Say

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I was beaten by my brother and my grandma. I don't know if this was abuse or not but when I was younger one of my cousins came up to me and told me that I had to be his girlfriend or I would never be alound in his yard to play with his sister. Me being 5 or 6 said okay because I was scared and his sister was the closest thing to a friend I had since I was home schooled and I wouldn't really even call her my friend more like her slave. But any ways after a couple of weeks he started to touch me in my private and I was too scared to do anything about it so I just let him do it. But he never actually touch touch so I never lost my virginity. But I tried to tell my brother and he didn't really care so he told me that if I didn't keep dating him and leting him touch me he would kill me. So that went on till I was 7 or 8. My uncle and grandma noticed one day when she was baby sitting them he told me to lay on his lap I refused and we were holding hands and he sqeased so hard I could feel my hand craking so I did as he told me and my grandma told me to get up he wouldn't let me she told me again he let me get up I was crying a little. I was freaking out scared out of my mind what was going to happen next or when I went to his house the next day! And after he and his brother and his sister left my grandma and my uncle called me to the table and asked me what in the world was going on! And I said that if I told them he would kill me and they said I had to tell them and I told them everything they called his parents and I some how got into trouble with my grandma she never really liked me anyways.

My brother used to hit along with my grandma. My brother used to put me in choke holds to the point that I almost pasted out and he hit me hard enough to the point it almost broke something. My grandma used to hit me and tell me I was stupid and I wasnt going to make it through life I'd would just end up some where on the end of the street! And every time after she was done she would ask me if I still loved her!!!!!!!! Every time I said yes there was just one time when I said no and that was the worst thing I could ever have done I my life!!!! She grabbed me and through me on the floor I hit my head on the side table and was nocked out for a couple of seconds I think because when I woke up she was kicking me. She never hit me in the face though she didn't want my parents to find out. I hid my bruises by acting like was clumsy I still do just in case if she starts again. The only reason why she stopped was because my mom decided t come home early by surprie but before she did..... at home I was the one that answered the telephone, I was sitting in front of my grandma thats where she would make me sit. The phone rang I shot backwards and answered it and I saw the look on my grandma's face realizing I was fixing to be in a world of hurt! It turned out to be just someone just wanting to sell something so I hung up because thats what my dad told me to do. She asked who it was I said someone trying to sell something. I couldn't move its like whatever comtrol I had over my body she was controling. I just stode there on my knees waiting her hand came around and as soon as she hit me my mom walked through the door..... if you knew my mom you could only imagine what she said. The next day my mom asked me if I wanted to see a councelor I said no so she told me since I didn't want to see a councelor I could never talk about it again. I was only nine I had later figured out she did the same thing to my dad. I'm 13 now I'm scared out of my mind all the time always angry. A oouple years back at my church I had tried to tell my youth director about it because he was also abused but by his stepdad. I had lied because I in so deep I couldn't not say anything so I told him she used to pull my hair really hard. I am so angry I want to tell him the truth. but I don't know if he'll believe me or not.

Now I can't trust anyone I have more guy friends because I get scared around girls. My EAST teacher toke me out and someone else to training and I had freaked but didn't show it till the next day we had went to a college which is full of older women and I wouldn't get near any of them and he saw that I'm scared that if he gets more worried about me he will start asking questions. I will get into so much trouble if my parents find out that I told someone!!!!!!! Theres no telling what will happen!!! I have told one of my other youth directors and three of my closest friend and one of my uncles on my moms side of the family. So it toke since I could remember till I was thirteen to even admit it. I hate her to be honest, I don't see how someone could ever forgive someone for ever doing that to you. I never felt loved till I met that youth group. I was recently torren away from what felt like my only family. I had just managed to actually get my dad to say he loved me and hug me. I've given up on my mom, I'm not even sure if she even loves me. But I'll always know that my youth group loves me no matter what.

I'm tired of being scared all the time and angry but I don't think it will ever go away. Even my youth director breaks down crying sometimes. I can't ever sleep at night I usual cry myself to sleep.... afraid my brother will come in my room and kill me. He hasnt hit me in a year. but the memories will always be there.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Laura

by Laura
(Arkansas, USA)

A very simple story of my guilt about avoiding abuse but not telling anyone. I am the oldest of a close group of cousins. When I was about 7 years old, our grandmother remarried, and we had a new grandfather. I was his favorite, and he was always buying me little gifts and wanting to spend time with me. He loved to have me sit in his lap so we could have private conversations. One day we were walking along and he slipped his hand between my arm and chest and touched my breast. I stepped away from him and gave him a look, and he just smiled back. I honestly thought that he was just an old man who didn't know you weren't supposed to touch little girls there. I did nothing and thought nothing more of it. Then one day he had me in his lap and he slipped his hand up my leg on top of my jeans and stopped in between my legs. I could feel his fingers through the thick denim. I jumped down and left the room to find a nice place to read next to my mom. Again, I really believed that he didn't place his hand there on purpose and didn't realize he had done anything wrong, so I said nothing to my parents. But I never sat in his lap again and avoided him. He suddenly took much less interest in me and much more interest in my younger cousins. A few years later I learned that three of my little cousins were repeatedly molested by this man. When my mother talked to me about it, I cried and cried as I realized that he knew what he was doing, and that if I had talked to my parents about it, I could have protected those little girls who looked up to me as the oldest. Luckily, the parents dealt with everything well, contacted the police, and took the girls to therapy, so they all seem to have recovered as well as possible. I still feel incredible guilt over the incidents, and I just wish I had been able to recognize what was happening and protect those younger children. Thank you for reading my story.




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Child Abuse Story From Cheyenne

by Cheyenne
(Location Undisclosed)

I don't really know where my story would start. All my life I have always felt as an outcast to my family. All through out my life I have been abused in some way. When I was 3 I was molested. I can't recall it but my older bother had told me about it. I do remember that when I was 5 I was at a neighbors and a girl much older than me said that she wanted to play a game. She would show me her area and then tell me to show her mine but I refused to so she tried to see herself. Later we went into her uncle's house and all I can remember is going into his room with him and then crying when I left. These things have happened multiple spanning from close guy friends to people I hardly know.

When I was 8 I tried commiting suicide by hanging myself with a shoelace, but as I was younge I got scared and managed to get the shoelace off before passing out on my bedroom floor. All because of my mother I would repeativly try to leave my life because of her sick mind games she would do to me as a child.

Skipping some years to 6th grade my father started to abuse me. He would drag me by my hair taking clumps out, kicked, punched, shoved, whatever he thought would hurt the most. One day I was complaining that I couldn't finish an assignment for school because it had to be typed and he got pissed and grabbed me by my hair to the floor and then kicked me and dragged me out and over a metal plate in the door way then told me play in the road, get hit, and die. My mother was sitting right there and never told him to stop or even attempt to get him to. There has been worse episodes to were I would bleed or have dark bruises over my body that I would have to cover.

I always tried to get away from it by trying to call the police or child services but he would threaten to break every bone in my hand and he wasn't joking. Later I told my older brother who was really just a close friend and he confronted my father about it. He never hit me again afterwards.

Now 14 I hang out with older guys for the feelings of protection and have been involed with gangs, drugs, and alcohol because of this choice. Is it the best choice? No, and I do accept that for the comfort and love those people give me.

It feels great to know that there are others who know the way it feels to have the peole who are suppose to protect you hurt you and to those people I thank you for having the courage and bravery to share your own stories.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Trisha

by Trisha
(Location Undisclosed)

My story isn't as bad as most of the stories on here but it still greatly affects me. My mother is stressed out on regular days, and even more so on days when my dad is gone, sometimes days, sometime weeks and sometimes months at a time. Because of his job he has to travel alot.

it all started in the 7th grade when my father was gone for 6 months, my mom was really on edge she had all this anger building up then one day she snapped. One minute my mom and older sister are just arguing next my sisters on the ground and my mom is kicking her over and over again while screaming at her yelling at her while my sister is crying, pleading, begging for her to stop. And when she did she just turned and walked away. We never spoke about this, we didn't want to we just wanted to pretend it never happen. And i did for awille untill she got angery again and next thing you know im the one on the ground whille my mother is yelling at me saying im a horrible child i should have never been born, that im worthless i can't do anything. saying "why do you have to make my life so stressful? don't you know all the things i do for you. driveing your butt around doing errands...." so on and so on. and each time she would act like it never happened. eventuly i got so fed up with all of it, and with encouragement from some friends, i finally told someone. and at first it was good. unitll i got interviewed by the police, they said that i had no proof, that i was lieing, they didn't believe me and when my mother found out it was horrible still i was the one to blame. why did I have to make her life stressful. how could i be so hung up about something that happened soo long ago. all they did was send me to counciling, for 2 months once a week

after we moved i thought things where better, and they were for a little whille. Then one night i was sitting in my room as i hear my mother hitting my sister over and over again. and this time i knew i had to do something so i ran downstairs. as i heard my mother wincing in pain and as soon as i get in eyes view i see my sisters teeth sinked into my mothers arm and my mother kicking my sister in the stomach trying to get her off. and i sparated them pleanding yelling for them so stop but they just kept yelling and yelling.

So far everything died down again and there hasn't been an insodent in almost a year. but she still belittles me and makes funny fun of me commenting about how fat i am when really im underweight. making me feel stupid and worthless. saying that im not a beat puppy, that i have nothing to be sad about, that if i grew up with her parents and acted the way i act that i would be dead by now. and to this day her words linger in my ear. "your nothing your worthless you can't do anything right they hate you everyone hates you." and no matter how much i try i can't get it out of my head. now im so depressed that i can barely keep myself from crying at school and i can't talk to anyone about it.




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Child Abuse Story From H

by H
(Location Undisclosed)

I am a terrible writer I apologise for this.Ok here it goes,Ok i am a product of rape,Yes i was always reminded of this growing up.I am 30 something yrs old now.As far back as i can remember maybe i was two,my mom got remarried,Of course he adopted me and my oldest sister,I really didnt know this guy all i know is when they came walkin in the door together i was to call him dad,but growing up i dont think he new our names ,cause to him me and my sisters name to him were b**tard,b***h,well u get the picture,that was the nice names ,not sure if i can even write those.The first memmory i remember of the abuse starting was when he started throwing us on the floor getiing on top of me and rubbing his course mustache all over my face till i was sore ,mom new i hated this she always let him do it.I always hated seeing him come walking in the door after work i would run to my room to try to avoid him.The seccond step of abuse with him,was every time i was in the bathroom especially when i was getting out of the shower or on the pot he always seem to have to talk to me,I would be naked he would stand at the door and watch me,I would tell him to leave ,he'd say "I pay the bills here i can do what i want".My sister caught him doing this she told me if he ever does this again i was to fight back and not give up. Well after this started, i started getting the fist everywhere on me,no matter if i did the thing i was being accused of or not I'd get pounded by him,One night we had a break in,and needless to say i was scared,so i started sleeping with my brother.Oh yes they had kids after they got married but since they were his kids they where safe from him.Well like i said i was scared i decided to sleep with my brother,well i wound up on the floor somehow with all the blankets andi guess my dad came in and seen this i was woken up by him kicking me hard,stomach back legs except for my face he new not to bruise me there.I new my mom heard me screaming in pain,she chose to ignore it.like she always did.Lets get one thing straight she wasnt scared of him he never did theese things to her it was always me.I remember one day on my birthday she told me the only reason why i was here was cause she had been raped.She said it with absolute hate in her eyes.That birthday sucked.When i got older everytime he punched me i would fight back with everything i had,sometimes he'd back off sometimes he didn't.Well i am older now .I had somewhere i had to go,So i took a shower,went in my room i had next to nothing on.he came in stood at the door watching me just watching.I screamed for mom I told him im getting mom and she will see what he is up to.although i think she new all those yrs,she came in my room saying what the hell is going on here?I said dads watching me dress again.me thinking if i put her in the spot shed do something about it.Iwas so wrong,she told me he pays the bills here he can do what he wants,I told her don,t u think its freaky all theese yrs of him watching me dress or undress alltheese yrs,He's doing that instead of having sex with u?I often wondered if watching me all theese yrs it would turn him on to be with my mom.I often wondered if that was the reason why she never did anything about it.well after the confrontation i ran into the kitchen,he follwed i was getting beatin up ,mom said i deserved it for talking back,he drew a butterknofe put it up to my throat and told me what a disgusting person i was.Well i left i ran to my boyfriends married him to get out of my parents place needless to say the abuse was worse there.Him and his relative raped me at the same time,for some reason i couldnt move my arms and legs wouldnt move that well,I was in and out of it.He use to physically and emotionally beat me ,well i finally divorced him and i am with a good person now.Sorry this was so long.It feels good to get it out.This is to anyone who has been raped,I am sorry for what happened to u,but if u r pregnant by this man and u dont think u can farely raise this child ,let someone else adopt the baby.I would hate to see another child go through what i did.I still have severe nightmeres over everything.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Tokyo Ann

by Tokyo Ann
(Location Undisclosed)

I feel i need to tell my story. to get it off my chest. im 15 now. it all started when i was about 8. But My mom died when i was 9 of cancer. Strongets women i have ever met. I live with my oldest bro thats 6 years older than me. His name is J---. My other brother who i am going to call b, is 4 years older than me and molested me twice. My dad who is in jail for raping me raped me once. When i was 10. My uncle use to touch me inappropriatly. The first time was by b my brother. He was about 12 when he first did it. He came in my room when my mom and dad were at kemo for my mom. And My older bro was sleeping in his room and my 2 little sisters were at their friends birthday party. He came in and started to hug me and lay me on the bed while he did it. He then whispered in my ear that daddy said it was fine if he did this stuff to me. And i believed him because i thought my dad was the best person in the world. So he started taking my pants off and his and he stuck his private area in mine and i cried and screamed for about 5 minutes. Then my othe brother came in and saved me. He and my brother started fighting. Badly. My brother had a broken wrist and a bunch of bruises on his face. I flet bad like it was my fault. then my brother J--- told me i did nothing wrong. SO i believed him till the next time b did it to me agian. This time daddy joined. Then the cops came when they prnounce my mom dead and caught them. Thats what i feel like teling about my story. But there is more. Maybe when i get the guts i will tell more later. Thank You for reading. Best love and wishes from Tokyo Ann <3




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Amanda

by Amanda
(Location Undisclosed)

Sexual Abuse: 
It all started when my mom married my stepfather. i was only 4 years old.from the start my mom would take a shower or leave he would make me watch porn or look at dirty images with him.then it moved to the next step he would walk around naked when my mom wasnt home and try to get me to touch him.my mom started school and took night classes so we were home alone with him. he would give me bathes and touch my butt and vagina every time.he was also a very physical abusive person he would beat me and my brothers with belts.if i didnt give him what he wanted he would beat me.the sexual abouse continue till i was 11 and then it went to the next level again.he would watch me sleep and feel me up while i slept. then one night he made me while everybody was sleep he woke me up and called me down stairs and made me sit on his lap. he at that time fingered me..i cried and cried he never stopped till he made me orgasm.i kept that a secret for 3 days and finally told my mom after he came to me that night and told me to go to bed without underwear on.the abuse finally stopped at the age of 12.but my mother never left him, i had to live in that house till i was 21. then i found the man of my dream and he rescued me from that abuse.but i still have nightmares and visions of the abuse and i am on every anti-depressent u can think of.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From A Street Jessica

by Jessica
(Philadelphia, USA)

There are not enough pages or ink in the world for my story so here goes just a clip of a very long long story filled with details of abuse shortened.For almost 9 years of my childhood I was touched,molested,raped, and tortured among other words that may describe the horror by my mom's brother. He made me do disgusting things to him he raped me and tortured me I cried soo many days and nites. Even til this day as an almost 30 year old female,I have finally gotten help as an adult I was taken 2 a hospital because I blacked out and turned into someone else several of times thru out the years! my family grew concerned finally!! I wanted 2 cut myself as I have done plenty of times in the past even stabbing my arm and leg but now it had gotten worse I WAS DESTINED to die to drain the pain out and stop the shame that I had stood behind for so many years! how do you console yourself? after all the guilt of having a predator out there in the world and not being able to do nothing about it cause I was scared to death of him! I believe in all his threats even as a child I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF But those events I do not remember as well cause its like he is trying 2 kill me so I wont talk and mess up his so called happy pathetic life!When I was 8 I had told my sister in which she told my mom and the family got together he denied it all then he said that I provoked him and that he will commit suicide! 1 of my real uncles called the cops I was taken to sex crimes and made a report but every1 kept telling me that he was gonna get help and that my gramom was getting ill because of all this tragedy in fact everyone was worried about him and not me!! so when the abuse continued I felt as though I deserved it how can I tell on my so called uncle omg did he really get back at me! he pulled my hair squeezed my nipples even bit them he would slap me and make me do the nastiest most distgusting things 2 him and then he raped me and gave me an std I WAS 12!! this when on til almost 13 years of age! He has done this to at least 5 other family members I was the worse of all because I was always there.I know that he continues doing this and 1 day he will pay I am just so scared of him! I am on meds I am now diagnosed with major depression and phsychosis yes he talks to me he haunts me to make sure I dont tell ever again! but I have and everyday I run from him I just want my life back the life that he took I want it back or maybe death is my will!!!! this story has no ending even if he is caught I have to live with this pain and anger and all of the above 4 the rest of my life nothing will ever erase the tragedy.

A Street Jessica




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Child Abuse Story From Stevana

by Stevana
(Mississippi, USA)

It happened to me. I was around ten when it first began .when suppose mother's husband started touching me. For then on that was the worst four years of my teen life. I hated this man with a passion. The way he watched me like a hawk waiting for me to make a mistake for he use it against me. It surprises me how he could touch me when my sisters’ in the same room, or mother just a room away.
So, for four years I suffered abuse from this monster. Until one day I opened my mouth. Now I’m trying my best to deal with this. I’m not going to let this cripple me any long. The anger, pain hatred has to go. It time for me to do me. So, devil get on about your business, because I’m shaking you off working on me now.




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Child Abuse Story From Kandy

by Kandy
(Location Undisclosed)

well to tell you the true i don't even know how to start this well the first time it happen i was taking a bath i remember hearing a noise outside the bathroom when i opened the window there he was peeking at me through the window i felt so bad i wanted to cry when i came out of the bathroom there he was in the leaving room watching tv like nothing happen the second time i was sleeping in my parents room with my sister and cousin i woke up to his cold hand touching my leg i opened my eyes and saw him standing there i pretended i didn't know who he was and i asked who are you he still had the guts to say nobody go back to sleep when we walked out the door i got up and locked the door i started to bust in to tears the 3th time it happen i was in my room sleeping with my cousin i felt some one feeling on my boob this time i dint say a word i hit my cousins arm and she woke up and asked him what he was doing in there hes response was are my shoes here? the idiot had them on come on now the last time it was in my room again he was touching my legs i woke up and he ran out the room i started crying and i woke my sister and cousin up they asked me what was wrong and i told them my sister said he had gone to her bed first and i told her that why didn't she wake me up so it wouldn't happen to me again she didn't say anything so i ran away i left to my cousins house and left a note to my parents saying why i left my dad never got to see it but my mom did and she didn't kick him out she told my aunt and my aunt talk to him and seems then he hasn't try to do it again i got to say i hate him with all my heart i wish he was death idk if i should blame my mother for not doing anything about it now im 18 i have a 9 month son hes everything to me and i promise you this i wont let nothing happen to him now i see everything in a sexual way i don't know if that's bad but i don't trust nobody with him not even His own dad by the way my abuser was my uncle my mothers brother and her excuse for not kicking him out is because its her brother and he got no where to go.




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Child Abuse Story From Vanessa R

by Vanessa R
(California, USA)

Okay well I'm 17 years old now..And this happened when I was younger when we lived in a shed behind a house I was about 6 or something I really can't remember all I know is that It was about couple years back. He was about 13 that's what I was told but back then it seemed he was older around 17. Well he would always touch me inappropriate places and want me to touch him & i did cause i didn't know what to do at the time I was really curious when I was younger so i did it. He would always touch me infront of my mom but my mom didn't notice it cause we were sitting on the couch and he was touching my butt while we were watching tv.Once he took me to the shed and took his pants off and showed me his penis I was shocked and left and went home then the next day I went outside to play on the play area and he took me to the shed and layed me down and layed on top of me he then took his pants off and told me if he can put it inside me and i said no so he put it away and i left but he always still used to touch me like my butt and stuff and kiss me i dont know if this is sexual harrassment or molestation all i know is that i'm happy that i moved out of that house after like 2 years of staying there..it's not that bad from others on here but i just wanted to express how i feel since no one knows i tried telling my mom but all she says is that we were kids back then and we were just being kids but thnx for letting me tell u bout what happened to me




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Child Abuse Story From Yvette

by Yvette
(North Carolina)

I had a stepmother named... let's call her C. C was very horrible to me, hitting me, literally throwing me around, and poisoned me. I finally got out. I am a survivor. It happened for 4 years. Child abuse shouldn't be happening. It has to stop. C's son was terrible. He was older than me and he was terrible, and let's just keep it at that. I hate her and her son. And, this all happened before I was 10 years old!!! How does someone abuse someone who isn't even ten! I have many scars and memories that are reminders that I am strong. Anyone who has survived is a fighter and they are strong, mentally and physically.




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Child Abuse Story From Calleigh-May

by Calleigh-May
(London, England)

I don't really know how to start. I suppose that what happened wasn't too bad,but it does confuze me. You see, when I was born my mother and father where going through a rough patch as my mothers brother had just died from drug abuse, my mother was trying to deal with it by turning to drugs herself, and my father gave her an ultimatum, basically give up the drugs and go to rehab and AA, or he would leave, she realy did try for a while, but when things got rough again she stopped taking the pill, and thus I was conceved.

We lived all together for a while but my father could see that i was in danger and my mother was slowely killing herself, so he filed for divorce, however when this happened it was almost automatic for babies to go to their mothers. while my dad what in court fighting for me I spent about 10 months in care.

After that I felt odd whenever my mother was around, she was a stranger, I had no connection whatsoever to her.

I am now 21 and me and my husband are expecting our first child, I must admit that I am very scared I feel that, having no connection to any form of mother figure, I may not be able to be a decent mother to our son.

I just wish I could talk to my father about it but he gets upset, I feel so confuzed.




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Child Abuse Story From Ellie

by Ellie
(USA)

Lately, I've been remembering some stuff about my childhood that really scares me. I'm 14 now, and I don't really get how it just occurred to me. I mean I understand the whole suppressed memories thing, but that just doesn't seem like something that would happen to me. Anyway, I remember being like 5 or 6 and my mom was dating this guy in a wheelchair. I know it sounds kind of strange that she would date him... Well anyway I remember her letting me lay down with them in the bed, that's how much she trusted him. My mom worked a lot so sometimes I would have to stay home with him. The only things I really remember about him are kind of strange. Like one time he was like begging me to let him help me put on my dress for school and I kept telling him I didn't need help but he insisted. I remember him dressing me a lot, which I guess is normal but it's still strange that some of the only memories I have of him is getting me dressed. Another time he locked me in my room for getting in trouble and I had to go to the bathroom really bad but he said he didn't believe me, like I was just saying that so I could get out of my room. So he stood there and watched me pee. There are other things, too. Also my dad (well he is technically my step dad) used to act inappropriate around me. He would rub my upper leg and tell me things that he shouldn't be sharing with his daughter, like how he used to take a bunch of drugs. He even told me that he and his girlfriend got an abortion, something he never even told my mother and they were married. But he was really depressed and lonely. It has stopped now because he moved away. I think there might have been other stuff that affected me, too because I've just been acting different lately. Like I get really angry. Me and my mom get into horrible fights, mostly about her new boyfriend. I think she has horrible taste in men as you can probably see and I even saw really bad bruises on the back of her arms like thumb prints, as if somebody grabbed her. I brought it up to her and she claimed that he would never hurt her and made up some dumb excuse. Our fights get really bad. I tell her that I hate her and want her to die. I don't really know where all my anger comes from because usually the fights start with something little. It has only gotten physical once. We were screaming at each other and she dug her nails over my mouth and pulled my hair really hard I ended up with a giant black bruise on my leg from trying to get away from her. I told her that she had no right to touch me. Another time she was screaming at me that I had nobody and that everyone in my life left me and that it was all my fault. I got so upset that I started throwing books down the stairs and screaming. She thought I was psycho and tried to take me to the hospital, but I ran away instead. I was only outside for like an hour and it was snowing. I was super cold, but I sure as hell wasn't going to go back. That would be like letting her win, and I'm too stubborn for that. She ended up calling some friends for me and I spent the night there. Things have gotten better between us I guess but I'm still unhappy. I cut myself and I think that I'm depressed. I really hate my life and I know that that sounds dumb because I have nice things and food to eat. I'm just to stressed out with everything. I practically raise my 4 year old brother. I'm the one who feeds him and plays with him and tucks him in at night because she is just too busy with her own life. I love my brother more than anything in the world, but I just can't deal with it all by myself anymore!




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Child Abuse Story From Sarah

by Sarah
(Location Withheld)

I can't remeber when it began, i think i've always been abused. My mum is an alcoholic and depressed my dad is a drug dealer, or so he tells me. They both hurt me if i don't do things and if i get bad marks at school. Like when i got only half marks in my maths test my mum went crazy saying that i was "Worthless" and "stupid". I thought it was normal for families to go on like this, when i went to a friends house I dodged her parents. She asked, "Why are you keeping away from mummy and daddy."
"They might hit me." I told her.
"Mummy and daddy don't hit?" She said confused. I thought her parents were very weird.
Then when i was about 7/8 I was in class when the teacher told us about child abuse. Everything became clear then, i suddenly had no idea what to do.
When i went home that evening mum looked at my top. "Where'd you get that mark from?"
"The yoghurt." I said nicely.
"What yoghurt?" Asked mum with a scary voice coming over her.
"Er... I asked my friend if i could borrow hers."
"WHY?" She half screamed and she got up from the table.
"I was hungry... you forgot to..." She grabbed me by my top, I was going to explain she hadn;t given me any lunch. Then she said i was a greedy fat B***h and i ought to be punished. I tried to run for the door but my mum was quick and grabbed me.
"I know what your doing is wrong!" I said.
"Well, if you tell things are going to get 1000 times worse. Do you hear? If you tell you'd wish you had never been born!" I told her i wished i hadn't allready and she went mad. She complained about how hard her life was when it was me doing all the work. She said i was spoilt and i should wait to see what my dad would say when he came home.
When he came home i ran into my room. I heard mum telling lies about me. He ran up and i got more punishment for a whole hour! The next day at school i had a black eye. People looked and asked but i swore i had fallen down the stairs.
After a year of abuse, when i was 9. I found it hard to talk about homelife. When we read the book, "Tulip touch" I couldn't bear to mention anything about tulips abusive homelife. I almost cried when i heard ther tulips dad put kittens in a box with water to drown them. because my dad had threated to do that too, if i brought any pets home.
When i was 10 i decided it was time to try and get some information through about the abuse. I couldn't stand talking about it, i knew the teachers talked about me though. Because when i went into kindergarten i knew all the sware words! Anyway, i found i was very good at drawing, I decided to try and comunicate through pictures. I stole some paper from the school, i have to admit, because i wanted to keep a record of everything that happend through pictures so that i will never forgive them.
I'm 11 years old today. They forgot my birthday again, i made up that i got a teddy for my birthday to my classmates. A few weeks ago dad started coming into my bed and doing weird things. He didn't touch me but he touched himself. It left a horrid smell that made me want to throw-up.
My friends all want to come over to my house. They have never been. I tell them my mum is busy or my dad is busy. A few mean girls say hat i probobaly haven't got parents. I don't remember mum or dad ever saying, "I love you". I keep on wanting hugs from my friends and i like playing child-like games. They say i'm baby-ish.




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Child Abuse Story From Broken Angel

by Edel
(Ireland)

I grew up in a home where I had 5 brothers and 1 sister, my sister is the oldest, then 4 boys, me and my younger brother. For years my father resented me and I never knew why until I was 10years old
I saw all the beautiful toys my sister got at weekends, birthday, Christmas, on any occasion, even just by walking by a shop, and my sister announcing she wanted something my father would drop everything to get her what she wanted. I was never given much attention as a child, at 6 I was already in charge of taking care of my little brother as my mother was ill, I would cook, clean and make sure he got to school on time every morning, and make sure I was on time to pick him up every evening, My sister 11years older than me had moved out of home to go to college and my 2 oldest brothers had moved out for reasons that were understood, my father loved his sons, but drink got the better of I'm and everyone was at the end of his fury, even my mother. on the outside we were a happy family but inside closed doors their was only one happy child, my sister. When I was 6, is when I was first the victim of my fathers violence, I was at home sick, and I was extremely bored so I came out of the room that me and my brothers had shared, and went across the hall to my sisters room, she had the most amazing childhood toys in the world, and I had always wanted a Barbie just like hers, but I was always told they were too expensive, so I thought maybe I could just play with hers for awhile, Not realizing my father had come home from work I was playing joyfully in my sisters room, when I was caught, he grabbed me by the neck and dragged me out of the room, slapped and punched me and threw me on the floor, where he kicked me into the stomach, The pain was unbearable and I couldn't breathe, he left me there, only for me to wake up in hospital, My brother had found me unconscious on our room floor and called an ambulance, but my father told the doctor me and brother were fighting, no matter how much my brother and I protested I couldn't get the words out to tell the doctor it was my father. From that day things got much worse, for a year or so, being carried to hospital over 13times in the space of a year fractured ribs, broken tail bone, bruising on the spine. That is until I moved to my grandmothers house, back and forth from there and my god-dads house My god-father's brother is the one i confided in, he was sweet and kind and was and still is my very own best friend, even though the age gap was uneasy for some to except they made up stories he was abusing me because of small gift he had bought me for birthdays and Christmas, My father, even took him to court, His late best friends son! My father took control of the situation and got a lawyer, he made only one mistake, agreeing for me to be questioned, I told my friend that I was going to make sure nobody ever said a bad word about him, I just needed his help, I stood in-front of a judge and I was asked a numerous amount of questions (how old I was, My name) and then I was asked if the accused (my friend) had ever touched me or bribed me in any way to get what he wanted - i answered no, my medical charts were brought out for everyone to see, and I was asked if the accused had done any of the things he listed- that was my moment, I answer no he asked who did and I said my father! Nobody in our neighborhood wanted to believe it, but my brothers came forward and my mother, she came home from hospital to make sure he paid for what he had done, but in Ireland the law is different, he got 6months probation work and is still living in the family home, I now permanently live with my friend and my younger brother lives five minuted away at my nana's house, as my older brothers have started families of their now, I make it my duty to make sure my little brother has everything he needs, and although only a year younger than me, he understands he will always be my baby brother, and I will always be his big sister, and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world..
thanks for letting me share my story




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Child Abuse Story From Elois H

by Elois H
(Arkansas, USA)

Since i was four years old my brothers and sisters and I was put in the foster care.we been in the home for three years.we never knew why was we in the foster home for,The truth never came up.but my grandmother and grandfather have came to get us four and ad he doing or ope us. since we made it to west memphis Arkansas,thats when everything happen. my grandmother adopt two other boys that she knew and they were way older than us kids.a boy name C-- every night will come into our room and rape my sister and i. he use to always tell us if we say anything something bad can happen to us.everyday he"ll sneak into my room and rape us. i tried to tell an adult which was my auntie i use the restroom and i told her that i was bleeding under my cloth. she look under my cloth and said that i was wide open and im to young to be open. she called up the rest of my family and told them.They didnt no what to do,so my auntie ask me who did this to me. I remember when he told my sister and i to dont tell anyone what happen or something can happen to us.but i told it anyways from that 1996 to january 13,2011 he been put away.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Nette

by Nette
(USA)

I was about 12 years old when my neighbor first made sexual contact with me. It was a summer day like any other and I offered to accompany him to the store. My mother agreed because we were very close to his family. The store was about a 10 minute walk from my house and on our way back from the store I became tired. He offered to give me a piggy back ride and me, being a 12 year old girl I was so happy I wouldn't have to walk back the entire way so, I hopped on his back. As he walked, he reached around with his right hand and placed it under my butt. I became a little uncomfortable, but since I trusted him I brushed it off thinking it was probably easier to support me this way. He kept walking for about 2-3 minutes and then his hand inched up to my private part I was surprised and jumped higher on his back. He pulled my left leg forcefully until my private part sat on his right hand and he proceeded to touch me. I sat on his back frozen with terror and confused, he was like my big brother why would he be touching me in a bad way I asked myself. Unfortunately, I did not have the kind of mother you could talk to easily so I kept it to myself from fear that I would be punished. I figured I would just stay away from him and it wouldn't happen again, but I was dead wrong. About a week after the initial incident I did my best to stay away from him but after school he knew my mother didn't get home until later that evening and he came over and forced his way into my house and that day I lost all of my innocence. I was sexually abused for about 2 years until we moved to another place too far for him to get to me. I have never until right this second as I am typing this told anyone about this happening to me. It's ruined my life. I do not trust men and its caused me to self-sabotage all of my relationships. I feel hurt and betrayed because I was contacted by this man via Facebook and he asked me if I still have feelings for him since we had a thing going on back then? I mean can you imagine the nerve of this bastard? I wish I would have said something, but in a way he chose me because he knew I wouldn't tell, he knew I would be too afraid of being punished to say a word, I was the perfect victim.




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Child Abuse Story From Adam

by Adam
(Location Undisclosed)

My life is a lie, you would think at 16 that i would be able to look after myself. I cry too much, mostly because i need too. I have friends, good friends but then i have family. I am pretty useless and they tell me so, all the time. I have good grades but not good enough. Nothing is good enough, if i am not the best then i am useless. I was not planned, i was an accident that happened. They tell me that all the time but abortion goes against their beliefs. Beliefs they ram down my throat constantly. They beleive in the word of god but the only reason i am alive is because they beleived it would be a sin to abort me. To them i am just a thorn that needs to be cut constantly.

I am even speaking like them. My room has 4 walls, a window and a door and that is my life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Kachick

by Kachick
(Location Undisclosed)

i was once a little boy and i had a dream to become a firefighter but my dreams got shattered by a monster that abused my life.i stopped wanting to be a firefighter because my dad would burn me,he would grab the hotglue stick from the hotglue gun and melt it from the tip and burn me.he would spit on me,and spit on my food,i had nothing else to eat so i ate it. i wasnt able to shower for months it got so bad that i had to hide the fact that i would shower behind his back,when he went to work i would go to the neighborhood pool and take a shower there.
when i did get introuble at school he wouldnt hit me with the belt,he would grab a wire and dip it in boiling water and whoop me with it,it hurt so bad,everytime he would abuse me it felt like one step closer to dying once i wanted to kill myself but something told me not tooo i woulldnt let my father get in the way i had no mom to protect me she was always gone and getting high on the streets and she was pregnant so many times but she kept aborting them cuz she said said she doesnt want more trash in her life with one its tooo much,once i tried to runaway from all my problems, and while i was packing my clothes my father walked in and socked me cold blooded,he knocked out my 2 front teeth, i had to go to the dentist and lie about it,i said i got into a fight at school.the kids at school would laugh at me and call me toothless kachick..they call me blow fish... so if your dad is abusing you get away.




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Child Abuse Story From Cea

by Cea
(Scotland)

My name is Cea, (Seea). I wondered why mum called me that, she said it was because i didn't deserve a proper name. Anyway, It all began when i was 3, this is my earlist memory.
I was in the Garden when mum picked me up and said, "Daddy's gone to be with God." Then my life went downhill. Mum was loosing money fast, she turned to drugs, alcohol and men to make her feel better, i guess. Soon we had to move out, this was when i was 4. My mum was getting worse so i tried to help but she insisted i got in the way.
Then one night i was in bed and i heard mum talking and another voice. I didn't know if it was someone I knew or someone new. I went into the living room to see a man kissing my mum he looked at me and then said, "What you staring at?" I walked away but heard him coming after me, "Answer me!" He demanded.
"Nufin..." I mumbled.
"Good." He said and then pushed me on my way.
When i was 6 mum got Married to the Mystery man and he quickly picked on me. When mum went out to work he closed the door and gave me a weird look that made me shiver.
"So, what chores do you do?"
"Uh... i don't know." I didn't really know what he meant.
"Just as i thought! Lazy! Well, when i'm here, missy, you'd better behave! Or else."
"Or else what?" I asked not meaning to be cheeky. I think he got mad. I can remeber his ugly face and fist. I can still see the way i fell and crouched. It was sore and i said, "Why'd you do that?" Then he beat me again. I can remember crying.
After a year of this my mum stared calling me names and blaming me. She would sometimes hit me but not as much as "Sexy". I thought his name was that because mum called him it. When i said, "Sexy looks stupid" to mum once she went mad saying i was filthy. When he came home mum told him and i got beat more.
School was a NIGHTMARE if i didn't get good scores i was dead. If i got in trouble i was dead. Once two bullies managed to get me to go into the staff room. When i was caught in there the teachers talked to me saying it was wrong. I must have got confused or said bad things because the teachers decided to call My mum and him. It was ok when the teachers were there but when they were gone He punched me and mum smacked me.
Then when i was 9 my mum died. He was put in charge of me. Then he got a girlfriend and we moved a few towns away. She was a devil. She would lock me in my room, starve me, beat me and... i don't want to go on. One night he and she were going out so she took me to another man's house where i was raped. When i got back she told lies about it to my step dad and he went mental. I think that night i almost died, it was so scary.
My worst memory was when i was 11. By that time he had got married to her and i was in the same position. I wonder now if the teachers ever thought anything was wrong. Anyway one night i pushed all the wrong buttons and I got my worst punishment ever.
I was hit with belts, fists and sticks for about an hour then my hair was pulled and i was stamped on. She heated a spoon and then got a bucket of water. She shoved my face in the water and held me down with the spoon sometimes moving it. I felt all fuzzy then things went black.
It was total black and quiet. A huge light opened up and i saw my dad. He took my hand and hugged me. Then he looked into my eyes and said, "Greatness..." Then he let go. The force was pulling me away i ran towards dad but i was flushed into the real world.
Everything felt noisy and sore when i woke up. I found myself in a cupboard with he and she screaming in another room. Next thing i know he walks out and she gets married to someone who raped me almost everynight.
I don't want to say anymore. I am now 19 and i have my own baby. I was married to a lovely boy at 17 and had my first child at 18. I am expecting another in 5 months.
I still don't know what dad meant by "Greatness" or where the jerks that treated me like dirt are and i don't care. But no matter how many times my little boy hugs me and no matter how much love i get from my husband i still cannot feel loved.
Nobody knows about my past and i don't know what i should do.




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Child Abuse Story From Jawad.

by Jawad
(Middle East)

From where shall I begin? There are some children in this life who usually wet their beds during night. I was one of them. For almost 14 years I used to wet my bed and every time my mom used to beat me even while I am sleeping she used to wake me up with her spanks. she used to get me naked and bathe me in cold water and always threatening that she would burn me using a skewer. I remember once during winter she get me naked during the night in front of my older sisters and threw me out to the balcony leaving me to shudder from the cold till finally one of my sisters rescued me. Apart from beating me for wetting the bed she used to tie my hands and legs and threw me in the bathroom for hours. I remember once she tied me and brought a knife threatening to slaughter me if I ever escaped one of my classes again. She used to humiliate me by saying that I cannot do a thing and she would dance with a crazy person if I succeded in doing something. She used to bite me and make me bleed using her nails. She used to hit me by everything she could reach and especially using slotted spoons. She used to slap me on the face for trivial matters or whenever she get the chance. She used to tell me that she did a mistake bringing me to this life and that a stone is better than me.




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Child Abuse Story From Dominic

by Dominic
(Location Undisclosed)

I always thought i was protecting my younger brother. I mean if i did what i was told then he would leave my little brother alone. I was so wrong.
I was 9 i think when my step dad started abusing me, i was 16 when i laid into him. I loved my brother and i thought by not saying anything and just letting him use me i was protecting him. Mum knew nothing, he was clever and would only come to my room if mum was out. He would always pay for mum to go out with friends and enjoy herself. That left me and my brother alone with him. That was when he would abuse me not my brother, he left my brother alone.
One night, mum was out and he did not come to my room. I could hear my brother crying and i laid there listening, crying. Something inside me snapped and i went to my brothers room and there he was with his trousers down standing in front of my brother. I never thought i would better him but he tripped over his own trousers and i just laid into him. I really do not know how long i kept punching him but he stopped moving long before i stopped hittng him. It was my brother screaming at me that finally made me stop. He was not moving, i honestly thought i had killed him. I do not know how long me and my brother sat holding each other but eventually we walked to a neighbours together.
I was arrested because nobody knew exactly what had happened. The next day i was released into mum's care but both me and my brother had to endure being examined by doctors. I had not said a word but my brother had told them everything that had happened that night. I thought i was protecting my brother but he had also been abused for about a year. Our step dad was arrested in his hospital bed, mum was in a state of shock at what had been happening, sometimes i think she blamed me but everyone was angry back then. Things did not return to normal even after he was put away. Me and my brother both suffered the effects for a long time. We are still great brothers and mum loves us both. Mum blamed herself, i blamed myself, my brother sometimes i think blamed the 2 of us. Eventually we all came to blame him though it took some time for us to do so.
I have 3 lovely boys, my boys have a loving granmother and a fantastic uncle. The past may never leave us but we can leave the past were it belongs and concentrate on the present and the future.

Keeping quiet and thinking you are protecting others is what most abusers rely on, when all your doing is leaving them free to do as they please. It is a lesson i will never forget.




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Child Abuse Story From Kaitlyn

by Kaitlyn
(Wisconsin, USA)

The Abuse was something that went from generation to generation in my family. The thing is Alcohol was the problem, not me. My family had a past of drinking and driving which isnt right.

My uncle who was only 12 at the time had to drive his drunk parents, and brother and sister home from a bar. He wasnt even a teenager yet and he had to drive. My grandfather (his father) abused the children. One day he sent my uncle to school with two broken kneecaps from a baseball bat.

The abuse was brought onto me on my birthday of 2008. My mom and grandfather got into it with my moms best friend, my grandma, my little 1 year old sister, and me watching it. My grampa threw a punch at my mom and we immeditaly left their house. I usually talked with my grandparents on the phone everyday, but for one whole year we didnt talk at all.

Then almost a year later my mom got a new job at a bar. She would come home late yell at me and pass out. She twisted my arm in front of my friends, she hit me across the face, and called me every name in the book. I told someone about it and they didnt do anything until it got terrible. My dad didnt know about the abuse until he walked in on it one day. He was out side cutting wood and my mom came home drunk she walked in and i was watching my sister who was 2 at the time, She walked over to me and said "Get the f*** up right now you little b**** were going to talk". I was only 9 at the time and most 9 year olds would start crying but for some reason i didnt.

My mom smacked me across the face and i was on the floor. She twisted my arm and was swearing at me when my dad walked in. He yelled for her to stop and she got up went outside and was going to grab another beer from the back of her car, But my dad stopped her he grabbed the 24 pack of Miller Lite and chucked it across the yard.

A few months later my mother left us. Her and my dad sat me down and told me she was moving. I didnt care at all. I was kind of happy because there was going to be no more fighting.

My mom mved out the summer of 2009. she moveod right next to a bar so she was drinking and getting away with it. My mom filed for divorce and we werent shocked. My dad and mom battled custody of us but our dad won. Our mom we barely ever see which stinks.

The abuse has stopped but verbally its gotten worse. I have to protect my 4 year old sister from it. She doesnt have to grow up with an idiot mother who hates her sister. she should grow up like a kid that has fun. I feel that i am more mature than my mother because thats what people at my school say. i hope after reading this that people realize that if your mother father or anyone is abusing you in any way you should write it down or at least tell someone.




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Child Abuse Story From Jessica T

by Jessica T
(Location Unknown)

Physical, sexual and mental trauma: 
31 years old and now it hits me my life,being abused fromabout 3-14years at 4 had surgery on pelvic area flashbacks tell me why theres a scar from one side to the other side of my stomach. sad to say i told my mom at 4 what things he was doing but they blamed someone else and moved 80s after that i had sadness that horror of pain and suffuring at such a small age everyday more then once sometimes having a bowel movement that was as painful as child birth is tough on a little girl, but mom was too depressed to noticed but deep down i know she knew.it progressed highway rides bathroom so afraid to take a bath in a empty house even now how sad always looken at the door with backflashes,it was insane only god knows how i made it being set up at the race tracks by another pedifile to fondle with his nasty hands. i was always the attraction for pedifiles. they always tried and a few tricked my mind up .by the time i was 13 just started my period i ended up pregant but had no clue thought it was a watermelon i told him he told me i was going crazy and did what he had to at 5 he beat me so bad i had wip marks all over my body lieing on the floor all beat the word no never came back out.if it did he would make me suffer he had all controll. being pregnant and all alone it was trauma i would beat myself everyday i wanted to die the bruses i would give myself my mother walking in my room and theres blood all over my wrist u would think she would do something nope i wrote i hate P--- all over my bed in perment marker. so much i had to delete it he lived about 20 months instead of a day just anough time to speak up after speaking up trauma trauma so much i was so inocent had no one not fair lost everything he tried stealing the baby got caught found me woke up at 3am and he was walking had axe caught pc after that baby ended up dieing all i had left and everyone thought i killed him, dss kept that way from me until last minute wouldnt let me c him tuesday came thursday lifesupport i have a desigion to make 5;45pm two days later after going to court against my mother he was gone 5 doctors 5 not 1 5 he was sent from above and he went home the court with tearful eyes agreed with me and drove up in a cruser sadest thing i ever when threw still stuck me in a stupid mental hospiltil medicated out during the whole funeral fights tug awar on me they were nuts he was in jail but his family wasnt and my mother was there side. sad funeral only god knows i never spoke so much some i cant to hardi loved that baby gone but he is always here inside

stoped church asamed he gave evrything away excepy my first communion dress and tropys from sing band medal and baby things gifts i gave my mom so much sad things life got nuts he hung cop kittens blamed me blew up his van blood all over house fire so much but they finally caught up when i went to protective custody pc he didnt know busted back in jail always got out so many things threw it all i was alone a shamed of nothing that was my fault but grew with me.still got abuse after that for a few months just so i didnt get bet by boyfriend wake up and theres a guy leaning over me who knows what so much now mom dies did drugs for 2 years heart had first fight with her the night b4 then she died if only my family knew how hard it is to wake up,brother about to die drugs 10 free good behavier i ran after trying for 3 years the state took over but living hell always his family him moved so many time, now sick just had pelvic;bladder pulled up found out i have a kidney disease real bad mom never told me wanted me to die doc,said could b tomorrow or 5 years who knows one infection he cant save me why i have no money pills took it all no coverage pain inside out so much done every day he worked perfect hours at 230pm and 130am painful he loved watching me cry it was nuts i am falling just call 2 day 4 extra help wrote 3 times cant say 50%not anought room being bet by a guy who would leave blood bruses ripe my close off drink get mad and there she is i was damaged lost everything everyone did really explore men just two relationships one that was over mental, sexual physical abuse 3 years 1 about the sexual but dam the abuse i can take it but wow no control,got me pregant and basically that was the last of him in and out but no help shelters suck in a state that i no nothing about took a 10 hour train with a 1 year old two little bags and called a foster parent that became my heart found my self in another abusive relationship only about drugs but crazy!!!! buried my mother over it but he grew up the light was there got off , but life is hard ,this is a part of my storyat the end i hope i get stronger my kidney function gets better need to live happy fully b4 i die and i just move diffrent state so its time to start dealing but i still feel alone even though i have a wounderful supportivehard working husband and two wounderful boys that keep me waking up ever day,my foster mother died going on 3 year right b4 mothers day she was all i had left to visit she was my mom loved me ,listen accepted all my mistakes and helped me threw and of all thing she stuck up, believed me she was always there 81 had her when she was in her early 70s but still when she finally found out what happened we bloomed and she guided now husband owns own buisness kids school 1 years no career i hd it all b4 gym job friends now nothing some how i lot myself




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Child Abuse Story From Kess

by Kess
(United Kingdom)

Touched by evil and sending it back to hell: 
I stood up in court and i asked the judge if my father could stand next to me. The judge agreed, mum and dad were surprised because it was not what was rehearsed. My parents and my solictors had written what i was suppose to say. Father came and stood next to me and i grab his little finger, it was our way of holding hands when i wanted something when i was younger and right now i needed him. I gave him a peice of paper and said "i do not need that" increasing my grip on his finger. Think father was more scared then me if that was possible. The paper had all the words i was supposed to say but my head and my heart had their own. Cannot remember when i last held my fathers hand like that but i was not about to let go. One little finger and i had all the protection i needed.

I looked at the judge and i think my smile said thankyou because he smiled back at me. I had already listened to another boy speaking but he looked so scared and lonely, just how i felt. I could also see the hatred in his eyes, an infection put there by an evil man. I think that was when my mind cleared and i did not want to speak the words of other people, i had my own. Lots of things came back to me when i heard that boy speaking. Things that had happened to me and things that i had said and done afterwards. Evil touches you and in some way leaves a trace behind. Hatred, I hated the person who did this to me, i hated the doctors for examining me, i hated the police for their constant questions, i hated the courtroom, the judge,the jury, the lawyers and i hated my parents. I was not a nice person at the time. Hate, i was a young boy how could i possibly know hate. Nobody ever taught it to me and i do not think anybody hated me.
I stood there holding my fathers little finger pouring my heart out in my own words and i left all that hatred were it belonged, right there in that courtroom.
Another boy spoke after me holding his mother's hand and i cried, cant remember the last time i cried but this time i was holding fathers finger and my mum's.




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Child Abuse Story From Briony

by Briony
(England)

When I was 10, I only had one role model in my life. My uncle. My parents are not alcoholics or take drugs but they just don't pay any attention to me or show any affection what so ever. We are very distant. They can't even remember my birthday. Anyway, so the only adult I really adored was my uncle. This was because he always paid attention to me and not my brothers. I felt special. One time though, he lifted me up onto his lap and just joked around with me and I loved the jokes and attention I was getting. When he lifted me off though, he squeezed my bum and winked at me. I didn't really think anything of it much at the time. I just thought he was being friendly or whatever. Other times, he would lift me up and when he put me down,his hands would brush down my front but once again, I thought nothing of this at the time. I just liked the feeling of being wanted and loved. However, when I was 11, it was his daughters birthday and loads of people including my family was invited. He asked me to help him get something from upstairs. I felt really special that he asked ME and no one else. So of course I agreed. To this point,we have never been in a room together by ourselves and the thought never struck me at the time. He told me to pick something from the floor so I did and he grabbed my bum. I turned around and he picked me up and hugged me ,his hands on my bum and his lips on my neck. I froze. I didn't know what to think. He sat me down on his lap and started to touch me up everywhere and then he rubbed my private parts and that's when I knew something was wrong. I got off his lap and ran downstairs to where everyone else was, trying not to cry. Turns out he raped a girl of 16 and he was rejected from the family. I never told anyone though. It feels weird because in a way...I do miss him because of the attention and the trust built between us. I am now 15 and I still miss him but I'm also still mentally scarred by what happened... I've never told anyone this so that's why I've said it in so much detail...my boyfriend doesn't understand why I am so depressed, and I don't know if I should tell him.




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Child Abuse Story From Fiona

by Fiona
(Maine, USA)

it all started when i was born it was a world of hell when i was born my mum was depressed and sometimes forgot about me but then she met L-- my mom realized she was a lesbian and started bringing her over then whenever my mum left i was bout 4 L-- started telling me to undress and kiss my genitals then whenever my mum would come back she would get me dressed as fast as she could and spank me HARD!! it hurt so bad it was red and bruised so she would then carry me to bed i was beaten and raped and negled sometimes it was the hardest part of my life untill my mom caught her once.




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Child Abuse Story From Sammy in Germany

by Sammy
(Germany)

when i was 7 or 8 yrs old i whent to spend the night at my friends house and her dad was having a party with all his friends over and they were drinking and later on when the party was over we whent to take a shower and her dad came in he was drunk and and started feeling me up i didnt know what to do after i got dressed i was going to go home and he put his hand in my pants and started feeling around and said he was only tickling me after that i never whent over to her house again.




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Child Abuse Story From Becca

by Becca
(Minnesota, USA)

a cold hand holding me down.. a heavy body squishing mine.. tears running down my face.. pain rushing through my whole body.. this was all "normal" for me. feeling hurt, sad, alone.. that was all began to be normal for me after one day. i had hardly begun preschool,at least thats what my memory tells me.. i was outside playing in my back yard alone and my daddy was sitting in the back tv room watching wrestling. i hated wrestling, i always thought it was gross how the bodies pressed up against each other and how the were so rough on each other. funny huh? anyways it was just my dad and i home that day and i was running around, enjoying my time to myself. it was fall which was my favorite season to play outside, i would use leaves grass and dirt and pretend i worked at a restraunt, id sell my food and make lots of money from my imagenary friends. it was still the beginning of fall, so the weather was good, the breeze was slight and the air felt so cool and refreshing. id been outside pretty much all day so i ran up the deck stairs and slid open the sliding door and plopped down right next to my daddy. i always enjoyed sitting right next to him, he use to tickle me and hold me, hed hug me and tell me he loved me. thats how it was at first that day.. but it seemed to be a little different.. he was tickling me a little more.. holding me a little tighter.. then he told me that we were going to go to his room to play a new game. i didnt know what he ment and i was very confused, but games were fun, right? so i said okay excitedly. he scooped me up and carried me, i felt like a bird flying threw my housee, he was goofing around and swinging me back and forth and i could not stop laughing. he sat me down on his bed and said the new game was called the tickle game, and he told me that it had to be kept our little secret.. again very confused i said okay, and promised like he made mee. then he started to tickle mee. but not like the kind that makes you laugh and somtimes pee your pants. his fingers were lighter.. running up and down my arms and legs, it didnt feel right and i asked if we could do somthing else, but he said no and wouldnt let me go, when i tried to get away hed hold me down and tell me to relax. hed slowly start sliding his hands up my shirt and i despertly tryed to hold my shirt down but he wouldnt let me and he was so big and strong compared to me, then he went down my pants and eventually i was laying there naked, his hands running all over my body, his lips all over.. i felt disgusted, dirty, and more than anything i was confused and scared. i didnt know what i was suppose to do. after what felt like forever he told me i could get dressed again, he sat on his bed and watched me pull my clothes back on, then as i was turning away to walk out of his room he stopped me and told me that this was right and that it was not wrong. and i believed him.. i thought every daddy did that to their little girls, because thats what my daddy told me. it didnt happen again for a while.. and the next few times where pretty much the same as the first, hed say we were going to play the tickle game and hed make me go to his room. as i remember, this was happening at least once a month for about maybe a year. around first grade is when it got worse, one time he told me we were going to go play the tickle game, and as much as i hated it and dreaded it i slowly slumped to his room, i knew it was better to just do as he said then get in trouble. but this time it was different, he didnt make me take my clothes off, this time he took his off, he took my hand and placed it on himself. i squeezed my eyes shut as tight as i could and tears were streaming down my cheeks. for the next few times he would make me give him what i now know is called a handjob. sooner then later handjobs turned into blow jobs, hed make me kneel at the end of his bed, somtimes hed make me swallow and somtimes hed lay me down and put it all over my body. i would go to bed at night balling my eyes out. by second grade id caught on that the tickle game only occured when the rest of my family was gone, so if my mom was going shopping or somthing i would always ask for her to take me with her. but there were still plently of times when i had no choice but to be left home alone with him. even if we werent playing the tickle game hed comment on my body, or ask if anything about my body had started changing yet, i was to young to know what he ment. i always felt like he was hugging me a little to tightly though. by third and fourth grade the tickle game lost its name, and instead hed would just call me to his room, most times i would try to pretend like i didnt hear him, but them hed come and find me and take me there. id beg to do somthing else and come up with ideas of fun things we could do other then that, but he never accepted.. around fourth grade one day he made me undress and he completly undressed to, he layed me down on his bed and crawled on top of me, i was terrified, i didnt understand what he was trying to do, all i knew was that the pain was unbearable. i screamed and cryed and pushed myself out from under him but he just kept pulling me back, after enough crying and screaming eventually hed give up, and just make me give him oral or somthing of that sort, but over and over again hed try and every time he got closer and closer. In fifth grade, i started to eat as much as i could thinking that if i got fat he wouldnt like me anymore, but it didnt make any difference. In sixth grade i started taking extra pain killers, not knowing what the result would be, but turns out taking ten advill dosnt do much.. by the end of sixth grade id cut my wrist. not deap enough for it to kill me, the pain was too great, but it turned into a habit, and i hoped that one day it would actually work. but i didnt want scars, so i switched to my inner thigh, but no cut was even close to deep enough to leave a mark, they were more like scratches. in 7th grade my dad had stopped for the most part, but there were still a few times when hed try to pull somthing. and hed always touch me, also he didnt seem to want me to date any guys, 7th grade i got my first boyfriend, and he always asked a billion questions about him. 7th grade is also when my eating disorder started, along with taking huge amounts of pills. i would stay home from school, just to starve myself and take pills thinking that my death was my only way out. id even told two friends in 7th grade, it was a despert cry for help. but nothing happend. febuary 12th of my 8th grade year, the pills almost worked. i ended up in the ER, and all i remember is a bunch of nurses and doctors all around me. i didnt tell anyone why id tryed to kill myself untill march 12th, exactly a month later, i fianally broke and the whole story came out.

as scared as i was, it felt so good to be free. my dads now in prison and i moved into a new house without the bad memorys from my old house that i grew up in.

now even though the abuse is over, i still feel like its happening inside of me.. i still feel great pain. and now i let guys continually take advantage of me unknowinly at first. im just learing how to deal, and doing the best i can. im lucky though, that my mom stuck by my side through the whole thing.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jamee

by Jamee
(New York, USA)

The man that told me to lie: 
My mom had been dating this man for 1 year before things started to happen. I started calling him dad, and we got very close. I told him everything. One day, he asked me if I could cook supper and I asked him what he wanted and I gladly said yes! I loved to cook. And his supper was not hot enough. ( i was only 8) He was not happy and I thought I was just going to get sent to my room, but no he dragged me by my hair to my house took my hand and told me to put my arm in between the door and the frame and seeing as though he was mad I did so. He slammed the door on my arm fracturing 3 bones. He told me if I was to tell my mother he would break my other arm, he told me to lie to my mother. And I did, when she came home that night she had brought me to hospital and when the doctors asked me what happened I told them I fell off my bike and my arm got stuck in the wheel. Later, he asked me to cook supper again and this time I only had 1 arm to function with but I did so anyway, and I made sure I cooked properly for an 8 year old and, he once again complained it was not good enough. This time he did not break my arm, he slapped me across the face punched me in the eye and threw me down a flight of stairs, causing me to land on my cast and breaking it. My mom came home later that day and asked me what happened he gave me a look that said if you tell her, its gonna happen again. So, I lied and told her I had tripped downstairs. He stopped hitting me for awhile and began to beat on my mother or beat me and made my mother watch. This man was cruel, my mother eventually became pregnant with his children and they had twins, he was a very good father to them never slapped hit them or threw them down stairs. I will not even go into details but my brothers werent planned this man raped my mom, and she stayed with him. I finally told her what had really happened to my arm and face and cast. She told me she was too frightened to leave him yet and that I had to hold on a little longer. I promised her I would keep strong. And one day he was beating her up and she yelled my name and that was it I lost it, I had to stop him he was choking her And I was watching my mom being murdered she did not die she is still alive. 6 year later me and mother and my brother who were only 1 and a half at the time had the courage to leave, while he was at work. We moved out of the city and he followed us, he found out my number and started texting me that he gonna kill me for telling her and that if I didnt watch my back I could end up in a ditch. I lived 10 houses away from school I had to get a bus cause we thought he was gonna kill me, my mom never left the house and if she did we had cops watch our house, neighbourhodd. No one was safe with that monster around. My story is not very uncommon and that okaay there is much more this man has done but it would take you 2 weeks to read it all...




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Child Abuse Story From Angela Z

by Angela
(Ontario, Canada)

It comforts me to know that this is a crime and that many others share my pain. It's weird to think that. I don't think that I can be considered a "child" as I am 16 this year but I am certainly not an adult.

Is it possible for a mother to be abusive to her own child without knowing it? Can she be denying that she is abusive to her child? I believe that my mother is abusing me causing me to become emotionally unstable. I don't feel comfortable talking with people about my family issues, and I don't feel that I trust my friends enough to understand what I'm going through. They are happy-go-lucky people, sometimes arrogant and ignorant at the same time. However, I feel that to counter my depressions it is better to be around those people. So, 5 days a week I go to school where I can be happy, learn and socialize without much stress but once I get home I find that I'm not happy. I'm sad, hurt, and deeply depressed. I refuse to break down...but I think I just did, today.

Half the time, my parents are working and barely come home. This started early during my elementary years when I wouldn't see them all day and would have to stay home with my older brother. Still, my older brother is like my mom, he puts me down. He insults me. He trashes me, and I hate him for it. My mother does this too. My father is better, but he doesn't do anything about it and comes home less and less. I'm lonely, I want to feel a need for my existence from my family.

This probably doesn't sound serious compared to other stories but I just want to get it out there and off my chest. My mother yells, screams, and shouts at me for no apparent reason. She favors my brother over me, or so, that is the image that I am getting. She just goes silent or switches to another subject when I ask her why she's always picking on me. I don't like this. I think I really am getting symptoms of a depression too, but then again maybe I'm reading too much into it...

Wow. Life sucks.




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Child Abuse Story From Rick

by Rick
(Des Moines, Iowa, USA)



From age 1 to 1 and a half years old, I was beaten & locked in a box & put into a closet with other kids in boxes! The babysitter. I quit talking until I was age 3, & then I stuttered severely until I was 26. People can understand me now. People & kids & my stepdad made fun of my speech. My stepdad cussed me & smacked me. My Child Guidance teacher was Mrs. S, she studied under Sigmund Freud in Germany; she helped me a lot. I missed one on the Raven spatial progressive matrices test-my I.Q. is 148 (I took the test twice @ age 11 & age 44). My mom's family has many genuises; I'm lucky there. I seem to have PTSD. It never goes away. I won't take drugs for it. I'll deal with it the best I can. There are no child abuse survivor support meetings around here. I can't get SSDI either. Emotionally I seem to be numb most of the time.




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Child Abuse Story From Dannii

by Dannii
(London, England)

I'm 16 and my life has definatly been less than conventional, i was born into a household that never really wanted me, my mother was a drug dealer and an addict, she also had Bi-polar disorder, as do I. for a while my dada and my mum and I all lived together but my dad left when i was 3, things wernt good, i remember this one time my mum was shooting up (heroin) and i tried to leave but she made me sit and watch.
when i was eight my mum married my stepfather, who was very nice and even tried to get my mum off drugs. however by age 10, he himself had started using, and beating me. when i was eleven he molested me. this continued untill age 14 when i moved out and moved in with my birth father - who i have an amazing bond with.

in november last year my mother died, it was absolutly devestating as i did love her greatly, however when i whent to her house to pick up my things my stepfather was very drunk and very upset, he raped me that night.

of course i spoke out against him- i don't know where i got this strengh from but thank god i have it.

he got imprisonment, however none of this makes me feel safer, i'm very jumpy and tearfull, and i can't sleep properly, i have to have a psycologyst and a helper at school as i tried to overdose once.

i never wanted to be this person but i'm really tring to recover, i hope this story helps others.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Kenna

by Kenna
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was 9, my dad molested me in a camper while my brother slept next to me. He is 3 years younger than me. My parents were divorced. That is the only abusive thing my ex-drug addict father has done to me. I still love him, and I don't blame him. I don't blame myself. It's just one of those things that happens, and I am proud to know I have a man like my father in my life. I will always be a little more paranoid, angry, and self conscious than other girls, but I have come to terms with it.

5 years later, I'm a survivor.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Teianna

by Teianna
(Germany)

I guess it all began the moment my life seemed perfect. I was my mums little girl, i was bright, cheerful and brave. I'd never known my dad and i didn't care. When i was 6 I had passed all my test and the teachers were pleased so was my mum. Then one night my life changed like the leaves on trees...

"Teianna, I'd like you to meet W---" My mum said to me. I looked up at his bulking figure and shivered. The next few months he was ok, he was pretty funny. Like he said, "You know, when you get to my age things seem differant. Everything starts to click... your neck, back!" Mum laughed and she seemed happy so i didn't say anything. When they got married mum's face was gleaming, they looked so happy. A few days after the marriage my mum was at work so my new dad was called in to the school. A girl had blamed me for pushing her on the ice, which i never. Her mum made a huge fuss over it, they were rich and spoilt people. My new dad seemed furious, he took me round the side of the building and slapped me so hard i fell over! After that my whole life went downwards.

Mum became prgnant with a baby, she died giving birth to S---. I began to watch new dad take "White stuff" and Alcohol. I would watch him go all hyper then low and angry. I have faint memories of me clutching S--- as he approched us, i can still remember backing into the corner of the room.

I had to look after S--- because W--- was useless. He didn't have a job or anything. He took advantage that i was a fairly good singer and guitarist for a 7 year old. Sometimes he would force me to sing and play for hours out in the streets, he'd lock the door too!

By the time i was 8 i had became a mother. I was looking after the baby and doing everything else. If there wasn't enough food for 3 W--- would eat his share then give the scraps to me and S---. If i so muchas sneaked something extra i was punished. His favourite method was to heat up his knife and tie me very tightly to anything. Then he would burn me till i fainted, sometimes longer. He'd get high and start to slap S---.

When i was 10 the worst part of my life happend. My friends had left me, i was boring. I couldn't go out with them, I never went to their parties, I never had parties, I never bought them anything, I was never smiling. So they left me. I suddenly felt has if i was sinking into the ground. I had nobody, I had lost my grip. I ran into the toilets and grabbed one of the pins that had fallen of the hygine board. I cut myslef at least 7 times. Then i burst out crying. Later on in class i was so worrid about home, school, S---, Myself, my future that i was sick. The teachers said i had to go home. When i got home i got beat up again and locked in my room for "Bunking of school". I sat down and looked in my small mirror. Was i really Ugly, worthless, stupid, fat, lazy, good for nothing? I tried to tell myslef i was being stupid but heavey weights seemed to pull me down. I checked my reports my grades were rubbish. I got beat up and burned for that. I forgot some things on the shopping list. I got choked, beat up and burned for that. Then he got high and i was belted for an hour straigt, i felt like giving up but i kept going. I took myself to a made up place where pain didn't exist. When i returned to the real world every movement i made hurt. I had been through the worst day of my life.... so far.

By the time i was 13 i was depressed. S--- was at school so i didn't worry about him as much. I knew the teachers talked about me. None of them lent a hand. Before i knew it my behaviour was getting worse. The minute someone said anything about me i'd punch them the way W--- punched me. I'd make them feel horrible like he made me feel. If i had to suffer for mistakes then the others had to aswell! Then i'd get in trouble with the teachers then even worse with W---.

When i was 14 he poured boiling soup down my brothers throat. I ran up and pushed the soup pan away it landed with a clatter as soup flew everywhere, it didn't made any differance. Our house was manky anyway. "Your cleaning that mess up you lazy b****! One more foot out of place and i'll beat you up so hard and bury you where nobody will ever find you! Then you'll go to hell" Something about my brothers gurgling cries made me say, "Hell? Hell is where i'm leaving!" I turned and ran away but he caught up. I can remember everything. Every clang and clash, every thud, every scream. I can remember the belt flying down onto me. Then the singe of hot wax (I still have a scar). Every single kick... then the cool blade touching my warm body, then meeting with my blood. I heard my brother's mumbled shouts at him, he went onto my brother. I grabbed my chance and made for the door, I opened it and fell out onto the ground. I ran and ran. I found a house and knocked on the door. A young woman opened it. "Help me. Please help me!" I cried to her. She took one look at me and hurried me into her house. She took a good look at my burns and cuts. Lots were infected but she knew what to do. She told me i had a broken arm, rib and ankle that would have to be re-broken. I nodded and she tucked me up into a bed and gave me a mug of hot chocolate. "Now, tell me everything." She said, i nodded and told her. She was shocked. She called the police who had W--- arrested and my brother saved. W--- had to plead guilty because when the police arrived they could hear S--- screaming and when they went into the house they found him in the closet.

I always get mad when i remember my past. I thought that we'd be top news and that people would know about us. But I and S--- are most likley fogotten cases. Just another 2 children who had their lives destroyed.

I am 33 now, my friends never returned to me, i found it hard to make new ones, my grades have never been good, i have depression etc. I can never have a normal future... all because of one Sad, twisted man.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Rex

by Rex
(Portland, Oregon, USA)

46 years later...or just a safe place... 
Did your Father abandon you when you were young leaving you to the loving disciplines of your Mother and Step father? Did your Mother then take her angers of her ex-husband out on you because he never paid child support and she never went after it. Heck that must have been to much work for her. Did your Mother make you feel like luggage? because you didn't fit the fantasy world of her new life and Husband then family. Mine did and still does over 40 years later.

When Dad stopped showing up for visits when he was home on leave from the uS Army,I gues the hosue hold parents thought it would be safe for them to disipline in what ever manner they sought. I used to get physically whipped and beat and yelled at just for not understanding my home work at a very - very young grade school age. If I wasn't punished I had to witness a grown six foot male - ex marines frantic tantrums melt down in front of me.I was never taught the right thing to do it was as they say beaten into me,and I was scared to death...except I was too young and had no idea of anything more than that is what life was supposed to be like.

My Mother use to ware what I called nine inch nails.she would not call me into lunch but grab me with her nails causing bleeds and scars I could notice up into my thirty's. My Mother had to know I was reaching for her love in my way but must have gotten more enjoyment out of making a public spectacle out of me. Just a bad behaved child seeking negative attention. negativity is all I was given..it is all I understood about communicating.

People treat there pets better when they make mistakes learning.It was like I was expected to be a full grown male at the age of seven.this is going to hurt them more than me he would say... guess again. It began to take on such a familiarity to it everyone knew but no one would step in to do any thing about it. Just the little black sheep step kid in the neighborhood.they would eventually laugh about it (the folks)I broke that metal spatula right over his back today..ha..ha he sure has a tough hide they laughed.I didn't have a chance.

I knew nothing about abuse,nothing about alcoholism, nothing about opening up and reaching for help, or how I was badly needing proper supervision. All I knew is the guilt I carried, and I was going to be punished for this too. BUt I didn't know that it was going to be a crutch these child bullys would also try to carry and use for the rest of my life. I would be threatened with being sent to a boys home(DO YOU KNOW WHAT A BOYS HOME IS?)I'd be yelled at..huge-ha???I would answer for fear of not giving the right answer.

I believe they enjoyed it so much they would even set me up to get into trouble.I can remember it was my chore to take out the trash every night and to the curb once a week. One time the Father placed a stack of playboys (his old playboy magazines) directly on top of the trash cans, well what do you think that troubled boy did with them ..he took them to school..So I was caught caught of course(seriously how stupid can a grown man be) showing them at lunch time trying to trade them for a better lunch.Of course I lost some skin for that too..your bad,,,you...you,,,you bad stupid kid (whats' wrong with you!)

I like this web site because I can get it out there,sitting here in the dark on my Mac and don't have to fear any thing or take the thoughts to bed with me like I usually do.It is hep full. I'm still secretly looking for the some one who cares, some one who can help me.

I'm not angry...I've never been angry. I've all ways been scared and I'm tired of it. How do I face the day today = tomorrow? Everything I've learned to get through life has come from something I saw in some one else...any thing nurturing or encouraging I've picked up from others. It sounds pathetic doesn't it? But more true than I could ever even imagine myself.I've never had a positive influence only a bullying one,and hurtful ones.

Don't miss understand me I'm not stupid,not at all I have found a way to work for myself.my family and at least one college degree that have completely finished.

The thing is I'm going to be 51 in a few months, and this is the first time in my life I have ever had a controlled mind or will of my own to see the truth of things. I self medicated since I was in my adolescence years. I felt like i was having some kind of nervous twitch in my head until after my early thirty's.

I've all ways been a better parent - father - than either or all of my parental guardians which were around to discipline me physically and mentally until the age of 12. Twelve was the magic age when I finally decided I wanted to live with my Father.It didn't work very good.He loved me in his way I suppose,but the freedoms were endless. Not many Fathers teach their boys how to roll their own cigarettes at age 12...not many at all. Or leave them unattended to fall into the traps of drinking and smoking marijuana with out taking notice to it. No...he never paid child support for me either.

I got into trouble in the little town and living with Dad was over I was then sent back to Mother. I wrote a different article about that last night, Who knows maybe tomorrow night I'll write a little bit more.

This is most likely one of the reasons God has separated me from them ( again.) God is today and always has been the inner parental voice in my life's actions, believe me.. My life could have ended up much much worse than I could ever imagine. But having said that I was introduced to him at a young age,and let him in as my savior, and he has all ways been there for me in one positive way or another.I could try to prove it to you but I doubt much you would listen or be as interested in Gods actions as some people are in reading about the abuse placed on others.Unless it has to do with some huge miracle like winning the lottery which let me tell who ever God does not work that way.It only feels like it when something good happens to some one.You know these people are most likely cruel and selfish and have to boast thinking that God loves them more because they won the lottery...I apologize for writing things like this,I'm only human too you know.Who ever is reading this may be as kind or sweet as the day is long,and willing to give more than they receive.It is just that in my opinion the truly sick souls of the world will continually try to rhetorically claim fame in the face of their neighbors to cover their messy tracks. And that isn't your fault...it's the world we live in.

It is hard not to love your Mother isn't it...after all what kind of life is that? What kind of person doesn't love their Mother? Have you been emotionally and physically abused by your Mother then try to tell some one about it? Do you know what goes though their minds? Images of their Mother and their childhood - not yours...it is a very difficult task to do at any age especially if you are under ten years of age and carry a big wooden poster on your back that says trouble.

It is 4AM right now but I'm so used to not sleeping I don't even mind...it cannot be a good thing. If I were not writing here I'd most likely be accused of not being a perfect person my self in life /I've got the perfect answer for that these days...Standing next to any one who commits acts of child abuse can make even President Bush look like an angel....I'm willing to bet he knows it too.

My name is Rex,and I'm glad this site is available. Thank you. Actually grown professionals have spent countless (I do mean countless hours/years waiting to here the things Ive been writing on this site...all you had to do was give me a safe private place to talk about it....I appreciate that.It is now 5:01AM.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jem

by Jem
(England)

It took me 10 years to build up the courage to disclose this by telling my mother what had happened to me. I was too scared to, after-all, it was her brother who did it to me. So I could never, EVER tell her, she wouldn't believe me, no-one would. Disclosing is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is without a doubt the best thing I have ever done.

I went through 5 years of abuse at the hands of my uncle Charlie, beginning when I was 7, when I lived in Ireland. This lasted until I was 12, and I told my mother last summer when I was 17. I am now 18.

I didn't know what sex was when the abuse began, and so I felt curious at first...and I've felt guilty for feeling that way ever-since, even though I did not know any better.

He would show me porn, masturbate in front of me, and try to get me to do things to him that I didn't understand. I didn't do them. I didn't, I tried to get as far away from him as possible. But he would regularly stay at my house to 'fix the computer', and on multiple occasions I would wake up with him hovering over me, his hand touching my genitals. I make no noise, I pretend to still be asleep. I can't defend myself. The second he realises I'm awake he runs out of my bedroom as if nothing has happened. I remember being so terrified when he was visiting, I would try and block the door with my karaoke machine so no-one could get in. I would try and bury myself in all of my cuddly toys in my bed, so that he could not get to me. I shared my bedroom with my older sister, but none of this happened to her. Just me. I know it's horrible, and I love her with all of my heart, but this makes me insanely jealous of her. I look at her, independent, confident, and in a happy relationship. Then I look at me. A neurotic, extremely anxious person with speech problems and no self-esteem, with a fear of sex, who is struggling to cope. I wish I was like her. I wonder if I would have been the same as her if nothing had happened.

I was scared to go to sleep in fear of people taking advantage of me whilst I was sleeping. I was struggling at school. I felt like I was being watched when I was in the bath. I needed help. But of course I simply blocked it out, because of course, I couldn't tell anyone.

Until one day at school, last summer, I had a breakdown. All those years of blocking it out hit me out of nowhere, and it hit me hard. I got the bus home from school, trying not to cry, and went into my room. I cried hysterically, pacing and worrying about telling my mother, who was downstairs. How could I tell her? Would she believe me?

She could hear my footsteps as I was pacing, and called me downstairs. I cried into her arms and, with trepidation, I told her what had happened to me. She has never been so understanding.

Releasing my bottled up emotions and memories was the biggest relief I have ever felt. I'm so glad that I told her.

It has been 8 months since I told her, and I don't feel like that person anymore. I've moved to England, started a new life, I've made new friends, I have a job, and I have offers from Universities. Yes, I'm still neurotic, anxious, and struggling, but the difference is that I now have support. I have people who are there for me when I need to talk. I have people there to help me get better, And I'm so glad to have them in my life.

It will be a long time before I fully get over what happened to me, but my family are supporting me 100% on my journey to get better, and I love them eternally for it.

Jem

xox




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From J

by J
(Canada)

It was the summer when I was 11. My Grandma came to visit, along with her "friend', he was around for years after my Grandpa died. I was always an affectionate kid, sitting close on the couch to watch television. I was. That ended once the inappropriate touching started with my Grandma's friend.

I was always a good kid. I followed the rules and did really well in school. I remembered what I was told, "If someone touches you inappropriately, tell an adult that you trust." So I did. I told my parents. I felt like I followed the rules and that they'd make it better. How wrong I was. Because they didn't do anything at all.

The next summer, when I was 12, we just had to go and visit them for our holiday. He grabbed me while we were all in the pool together. I remember thinking to myself, "Seriously?!!" I kicked him in his private parts, and swam away. I think that might be the last time I ever let him get near me. I never told my parents about that, because they didn't do anything about it the first time, so what was the point.

I think that kids who are abused have enough to deal with from the abuse itself and the loss of trust, I know that most kids don't report the abuse to anyone, for a variety of reasons, and no one can judge them for that. I'm 35 years old now, and still feel so betrayed by my parents. For over another decade I'd have to see this man at Christmas, or during the summer. He'd be staying in our house. At some point I decided that I would never speak to him or acknowledge his presence ever again. That probably went on for a decade. I'm not sure if my parents were oblivious to it, or in denial. After my Grandma passed away, I found out that her "friend" would be at my aunt and uncles' for Christmas (where we were all going), when I found out (and it wasn't from my parents) I told my parents that I wouldn't go if he was going. My Grandma passed away and I was done with ever having to see that man again (I was about 24 at the time). My parents lied to my Aunt and Uncle, told them that we wouldn't be coming because of my brother's flight schedule. I was so mad. I still am. We have had a couple more conversations about this over the years, and their response to not doing anything was simply, "Well, we didn't like him either." Yeah? And?

I have friends with daughters who are around 11 years old. And I'm at the age now that my parents were when I told them about the abuse. And it disgusts and infuriates me that between the two of them that they didn't do the right thing.

(Incidentally, when I was 14 I was walking home with a friend and a guy in a car stopped to ask us directions, he was wearing a suit jacket, but no pants. We kept our distance and nothing happened. When we got back to my place, my friend told my parents, and they called the police. That makes me mad too, because I'm so not scarred from the man with no pants. And because it shows that my parents do know what the right thing to do is, but that they CHOSE not do to the right thing when there really was a crime that happened in their house.)

I've continued, for the most part, to act like the 'good daughter', I never acted out after my parents' disregarding and disrespecting my feelings and my needs, I never hung out with the wrong crowd or became involved in drugs or alcohol, I've got a great education and my career prospects are very good. (I've read somewhere that makes me a "pleaser".) But, the result of all this has been that I am not close to my parents at all. I really don't share things in my personal life with them. I try to not rely on anything even if they offer to help. Frankly, I resent them. I have an especially hard time dealing with them around and after Christmas, after we're done playing "perfect family". Actually, I'm thinking about cutting all ties with them, because I'm done with playing a role. Nearly 25 years has been enough. I want to be happy and surround myself with supportive people who value me and who I value. I don't particularly feel the need for my parents in my life. I've gone to talk to a couple people about my issue over the years, maybe now it's their turn to talk to someone about how to repair their relationship with their daughter who resents them. Or, maybe they don't want to. Perhaps they're fine with how things are. But I'm done with the status quo.

I haven't really heard anything about the family dynamics that result when children report abuse to their parents and their parents choose to do nothing about it (when it's not a spouse doing the abuse). I assume that I'm not alone.

Thanks for reading.




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Child Abuse Story From Brendan

by Brendan
(Location Undisclosed)

I don't remeber being abused before I was three. I probably was, but I don't remember it..My name is Brendan, and I have been sexually, physically, and emotionally abused. the people who I've told say I've been neglected, because my dad would refuse to feed me when I was bad, but I just figured that was normal. The first time I think I was actulally sexually abused was when I was a toddler, and my dad would just have me sit on his lap. that might not seem like much, but I think that's where it started. When I was six I was put through a right to manhood, or something. I had sex with a woman who was in her middle 30's. My dad filmed it all, and told me what to do. He also put the video online. I think it's still there..Dad used to lock me in a closet when I was bad. I never knew when I would get out of the closet, because sometimes it would be a few hosrs, and soemtimes a few days. My dad used to put me in street fights with other kids for money. He used to slip a knife in the sleeve of my jacket, and I'd pop it out and slice the kid up. It was against the rules, but we got the money, and I had never been caught. My dad liked to beat me with his belt, but he beat me with lot's of other stuff too. I rember one time he came in teh doro, and I started running, but he grabbed me and smashed a beer bottle over my head. Dad didn't really care if I got in trouble at school or something as long as he didn't have to do anything about it. That's why I didn't really care if I got good grades, or went tos chool. Dad used to yell at me, and tell me I was pathetic. He used to tell me I would never make it in this world, and that I was a wimp. I believed him too. As I got into my teen years I sold more drugs, and my dad put me in a bit of prostitution, because we were about to be evicted from our apartment. I started to snort cocaine when I turned fifteen. By then I had been smoking since I was nine, and drinking since I was twelve. Right before I ran away from home at the age of seventeen to live with my friend my dad had beat me. It wasn't a really bad beating, but it was enough to make me run. I had been staying at my friend's house for awhile now. It was his idea not mine, because he knew about my abuse. If I had it my way though I would've probably been at home. One night, while staying at my friend's place I decided to go home to get more of my ciggerettes. My dad was sitting there, and when I came in he told me to stand with my feet apart, stomach in shoulders back, arms behind back, and chin up. I did this. He got up and started hitting me with a piece of wood to see if I would flinch. I did flinch, and he told me I was pathetic, and grabbed me by the neck and dragged me up the steps. He then undressed me, and tied me up by my wrists. He took off his belt, and started hitting me with it. Then, he burned with a ciggerette a few times. Everytime I yelled he would tell me I was pathetic and a wimp. He then finally untied me and left. I just sat there and smoked a ciggerette and drank a beer until my friend came to my house. It was at that moment I knew I couldn't stay there anymore...




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Child Abuse Story From Amy W

by Amy W
(New Jersey, USA)

Since i was a kid my dad used to beat me up it started when i was 3 i did have social problems but i survived i loved school i had friends but they never came over. i know my mom was nice but sometimes hit me of fustration. i love both of them but after i got burned in a fire my dad regrets what he had done to me in the past so he now tries his best to comfort me i love u dad and mom but my heart and soul were raised with nervous and unhappy feelings that i hope will change now a days my dad stopped yelling at me and gave me what i want Thank You mom and dad for loving me again.




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Child Abuse Story From Abbie

by Abbie
(Scotland)

Sexual Contact: 
It all started when i was 7 years old my mums new husband my new stpdad he told me to touch him in plces i should not and he done it to me and i tryed to stop him and he held a thret over me he said if you tell i will slit you neck.
later on that year we moved to scotland then i was 9 .
my friend told me to go in to he bed and shut my eye she was naked i said what are you doing and she said i am have sex with you and shaggi you and i went away and that day is always in my mind i am not a lesbian i have got a boyfriend i we are happy toghther more than ever.
i hate both of them of what they done.




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Child Abuse Stroy From Luci

by Luci
(Czech Republic)

When i was 8 years old my best friend came to me and he told me to go out with him.I went with him cause i used to go out with him everyday.That day the weather was really bad.When we were out,his friend came to us.Suddenly it started to rain.He proposed to go to cellar,which was at house where we lived.It was nothing strange,cause all the time when it was raining or something like this we went there.When we came there his friend left us and i stay alone with my best friend.In that time he was 14 and i knew him more than 5 years so i believed him very much.In that cellar was one barrel and on it was a bottle.He told me to drink if i want and because i was really thirsty i drank it.After 10 minutes i stopped to control myself.I knew what was hapenning around me but i couldnt do almost nothing.Then he told me we will play one game.He will turn around the bottle and on which one of us it will stop that one will put of some clothes of.Most of the time it stopped on me.He put of my clothets part after part.He put of only his jacket.When i was naked,he told me that now it will be his game.That he will turn around again and that i will have to do everything he wants.he started to touch me.I had to be in many positions which he wanted.Every touch,everything he did it was like eternity.I couldnt do anything...i couldnt shout...in the end he told me that this will be really hard for me.I had to lie down on mattress...then he lied on me...and then he tried to do it...after some time,he started to numbered...15,14,13 then he said only 13 seconds and it will be ok...after this he looked on his watch.He said to me to put all clothes on me back and that if i will tell it to anyone he will do it again and that this is our little secret and that this all is my mistake...I put clothes on me.I still couldnt control myself so much,so i went little bit slowly but i wanted to run upstairs to our appartment.When i came home i told to my mum i am tired from being outside.I locked the door from my room.I felt embarassed,dirty and very scared...Day after when i went home from school,his friend came to me and she told me that she knows what i did and that its all my mistake.I was running home after this.I felt that it's my fault.But cause i was 8 i didnt understand so much what hapenned to me.I felt i cant say it to my parents cause it was my mistake and they will be angry on me if i will tell it to them.When i was 12 I started to understand what really hapenned but i still felt that it's my fault.Now when i am 16,sometimes when people make fun from it,i think again what hapenned when i was 8.When saw a documentary about children who were abused i felt really bad...i was in my story again.I think i will never be able to tell it to my parents,because that one who did it to me,he lives in appartment near ours.And it all hapenned in house where i live.Everything comes back to me...I tried to forget,but it's impossible...Thanks for reading my story and thanks to this webpage for let me tell my story and help me this way.




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Child Abuse Story From Latonia

by Latonia
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm almost 40 years old and still suffer the hurt of being molested. I received Christ in my life at 9 years old and I think this is why things wasn't as bad as it could have been. But it all started when my mom had a nervous breakdown when I was 12 years old. I had to grow up fast. As soon as my mother got sick my step father started putting his hands on me sexually. The night that he was going to finally try to have sex with me I pretended to have my period so he couldn't do it. The very next day my Mom decided to move back with my grandmother. To this day I don't know if she knew but something in my heart tells me she did and that's why she moved back with my grandmother.As I got older I began to despise my mom because I felt like she should've protected me better from these scoundrels. It didn't stop there. When my mom moved with grandma whom was very abusive bi-polar I decided to move in with my Aunt I was 15 by then and my Aunt's boyfriend raped me. He threatened to hurt me real bad if I ever told anyone. I decided to take his bluff and tell anyway only to get ridiculed and yelled at by my Aunt. She called me a liar and blamed me for him moving out. The guilt was on him so bad that he decided to leave my Aunt and again I got blamed and not helped. It didn't stop there, I decided to move in with my verbally abusive grandmother that called me every name but a child of God. When I got there my uncle started peeping at me and I caught him jacking off watching me through a peep hole. When I caught him and didn't even try to hide himself. He too tried to put his hands on me but again God wouldn't let it escalate up to sex. This went on for about 5 years. I was too week to tell anyone. Though I excepted God I just felt like no one cared about me and to this day I know that's why I'm in an unsuccessful marriage. I just can't fully open myself up to men because of what happened to me. Let me go on. I also had 2 high school teachers to touch me wrong. One was a substitute teacher that was going to rape me after school but an Angel came and knocked on the door at school and I was able to run away from that monster. The other teacher manipulated me into coming over to his house not to help me but to take nude pictures of me. Why didn't I say anything. I just felt like there was no help. when I tried to say something no one seemed to come to my aide. My story may not be as severe as the others on here that I've read but it has had a huge affect on my relationships with men. I was never nurtured or protected. Thank you so much for reading. there's more but I better stop here.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Janita

by Janita
(Finland)

I dont speak english much (sorry for the mistakes) but i want still share my story. Maybe it's not so bad than some other stories, but it did hurt someway.

Okay... I have a brother. We are twins. Actually he is my bestfriend because all others think we are little weird. We are mostly quiet and rather reserved.

I remember from my chlidhood that everything that I or my brother do wasn't enough to my mom or dad. When we did something wrong they trew our toys or pulled hair. We get often grounding such things as went out with other children or we didn't do our chores. About the chores we were then five and of course we couldn't do much. And grounding meaned often two to tree week not leaving house and do more chores. When we asked somethig they started to yell how stupid we were.

I don't remember what i do, but parents were angry to me. We live north so here is always snow in winter. Mom grabed me and trew me out without jacket or shoes or anything warm clothes. My brother joined soon with me. I guess he wanted take care of me even he is only 10 minutes older. We stayed out long time. At last dad came to let us inside but before that he slapped both to face and asked did we learned to behave. We nodded. Then they promised: if we behave thay won't hurt us.

Once we were shopping in city nearby. I get tired and asked mon could we go home. No. I asked again. She get angry and yell was i deaf. My dad said to my mon they could leave us to play in the playground untill they are finished their shoppings. They did that and i even say thanks. It was so much fan to play in the large playground! But mon or dad never came to get us. It was already dark and I was scared. My brother asked some nice women to let him to call his godfather who luckily was home. He drove us home. We were six or seven years old.

At school we did our best and more. It wasn't enough. Only perfect was enough. For my shame I have mild dyslexia. My brother tried his best but reading wasn't my thing. Our parents always examined our homeworks. You got answer wrong they slapped you with a notebook or book. Mayby that is why we are best in class... Our teacher said often how bright and charming me and my brother were.

It got worse. I don't remember much. Only yelling adults, locked door, grabed on arm so hard that hurt, brother crying, slapped to face, brother huging me, chores and unhappy christmas. No nice family, no nice presents.

We of course tried to behave! We wanted to think that they love us. And there were nice days. When we got perfect at school and did well our chores, then they hug us and said good job and we are proud of you. I know it change when we don't behave but it just feel good when somebody care you.

Thay don't drink much. But when they do our life turn to hell. Thay may hit you, leave you outside, yell each other, break furniture, hit you again and tell you how worthless you are.

My brother has eyeglasses. I got glasses too three yars ago. Dad didn't let me choose glasses and those he bought were so ugly. I told him I don't want to use them. He had had a bad day at work.. He slapped me on face at told to repeat. I did. Then he trew glasses ground and said then I dont even need glasses. I was locked in our room whole weekend. Now I have glasses but I bought them myself with my own money.

So many times when they have trown us out of the house. Sometimes when we are in car and I said something they have stopped car and left me there. Ofcourse my brother has always followed me (hoped he hasn't) and then we have walked home.

Six weeks ago something bad happened. We didn't do actually anything to please them. So we got grounded. When they were work and we were walking home from school my brother got an idea. We knew we couldnt eat much home and school food wasn't enough. We stole from local market sweets and bread. Ouch... Shouldn't have... And we get caught. The worst minutes of my life was when shopkeeper called to my parents and we waited they picked us home and i knew what was coming. That was second time when dad and mon have beaten us.

So life has continued. My hope is my brother, without him I could not stand this. We have runaway twice but also came back because we have no money and no place to go. Parents said nothing when we come back. Like we never were missing.

I have talked my brother should we tell somebody. And we think we shouldnt. Our life is not worth possible and we will survive four years if we have survived fourteen. It just... Nobody believes us. How could two stars of school with good behavior be neglect and abused? They seemed to think only bad people have problems.




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Child Abuse Story From Leanne

by Leanne
(Location Undisclosed)

My father started sexually abusing me when I was 5. It started after he punished me by hitting me with a cane after I had done something wrong. I have never really considered the fact that he hit me with the cane as abuse, it was just a punishment. He always used to ask me if I wanted to show him I loved him which meant would I have sex with him and I always said yes. I guess that is what my main problem is now. That I always said yes to him, even after he hit me really badly and I knew what we were doing was wrong. Dad and me would have sex every couple of weeks, mainly because that is how often I would do something that would require me to be punished. Dad wasn't really violent with me for a long time but started to tie me up when I was 8. We first had anal sex when when I was 9 but he said that was because I hurt my sisters back and he felt I needed to know how I hurt her. when I was 14 I got pregnant to him and had an abortion. I feel bad about the abortion now because it is not something I believe in. I got into a lot of trouble at school that year and spent most of my time verbally abusing anyone, including teachers. I regret doing that now too and hope I didnt really hurt anyone. My Dad made me have sex with another man when I was 17, but halfway through he joined in and I guess that is the first time I had done it with more than just him. My story is different to a lot of stories like this because it didn't really stop as I grew up. My Dad isn't really my Dad even though he is my older sisters Dad. No one outside of the family knows this and I figure that is why this stuff happened. I thought moving out would stop what happened, but it didnt. I thought getting married would stop what happened, but it didn't. I thought having his child would stop it, but it didn't. I know what this must sound like. I am a grown adult and I still don't stop what he does. I don't know why I let it continue. I dont want what he does but he is violent towards me. I have permanent injury to a kidney where he hit me so hard with a hockey stick. I have had numerous broken bones and so many bruises I actually have to play hockey so I can explain to people I work with where they come from. It has stopped now, because after giving birth to my 4th child, I moved away. My twin girls were 3 and a half and I guess I realised that they were getting to the age that he started with me and there was no way I was going to let him do that to them. I know he is looking for me because he has rung me a couple of times and I have changed my number. I don't know what I am going to tell my kids when they ask about who their father is. I have no plans to lie to them but dont know how to explain to them what I did.




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Child Abuse Story From Aliyah

by Aliyah
(Arizona, USA)

It all started when I was around 3. My mom had me when she was 13 and she could not take care of me. When I was born she would go without feeding me for hours and hours. She would shut me in the basement crying until she woke up late in the day. But other than that she was a good mom. She paraded me around like a trophy because I was half black but fair skinned with brilliant blue and green eyes. She thought it was a miracle. But she was too interested in having her teenage years of getting drunk and having sex and doing drugs that she didnt want me anymore so my grandma took me away they went to court and my grandma testified what happened when i was little and they took me away and put me in foster care on account of my grandma was not a fit parent either. The first few years were great they loved me clothed me and took care of me but then my foster dad started getting drunk because his relationship with my foster mom was going downhill. He used to beat me and lock me in the attic with no food or water and leave me up there for days on end after he stopped having sexual relationships with my foster mom he moved on to me. He would tell me i was ugly and fat and stupid and no one would ever care about me and then after he would tell me how pretty i was and how much he loved me and he would cuddle with me for as long as he could and everytime when he was done he would ask if i still loved him. and he kept me up until the day I said no. When I was 14 they gave me away they said I was getting old and they couldnt handle it anymore. They wanted a baby. I knew the real reason why tho. I was placed in a home where there was 2 other foster kids and their real son and a mom and dad. The foster kids were both boys one was 16 and one was 17 their son was 19. These people did drugs right there in the kitchen. The mom and dad both did cocaine and I felt defenseless and alone. The 16 year old boy named A-- soon became a big part of my life. He is 6'4 and had a muscular build brown hair perfect skin and dark blue eyes. I had never seen a boy that was that perfect even on tv. At night him and I would sneak out and go for long walks. He tried to protect from what R--- their real son was doing. He would beat me until i just about passed out. He burnt me everytime I cried or asked him to stop he called me number 9 I dont know why. I got pregnant at age 15 with A-- baby. We ran away when I was 6 months pregnant and we moved to Arizona where I am now finishing high school and he is too. I currently have a job working for a man I met who has helped me come a long way I get paid well and A-- and I are planning to get married when we turn 18. I have a beautiful 1 year old daughter who is healthy and strong. We are doing our best to make an amazing life possible for her so she wont have to experience anything that we had to go through. I am 16 years old I have been thro things that I would not wish upon my worst enemy.. And I SURVIVED!!!!




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Child Abuse Story From Samantha

by Samantha
(Ohio, USA)

When I was nine my great uncle asked if I would go camping with him and my cousins. I remember everything about that day. How the weather felt and the water when we went swimming and playing in the mud. Which led to having to take showers. The girls water was "broken" (I later found out he had done something to stop the water.) and so my girl cousin and my boy cousin all had to take a shower together. My parents were always very conservative so i found this an odd thing. When he came in naked to wash my girl cousin's and my hair, I wanted to leave but he blocked it and made me stand as he put his parts on my back and washed me and his daughter. Later that night when it was time to sleep he made me sleep by him and when we all fell asleep he woke me up and started kissing which led to him trying to stick his in mine...i moved and so he went back to using his hands. the next day he told me that i should keep it our little secret. I told him yes at the time but the second i was alone i sat my mom down and told her what happened. we pressed charges and i had to testify in front of an entire courtroom full of strangers and family. I don't really remember most of that day except that he looked much older and scarier. He was placed in jail and will be there until i turn 23. Im 18 now and in college. but i feel so much guilt for putting my cousins father away, and have trouble trusting men still. I have anger that I don't talk about I've tried counciling, church, and hotlines. but all I ever think about is how much i would love for him to get the same treatment he gave me and most of my cousins I found out about years later. I was the only one who said anything, but my older cousin was abused by him and my two twin younger cousins. I crave male attention but I dont trust them enough to let them through the "walls" i have built over the years.
Thank you for reading, Samantha




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Child Abuse Story From A Worried Mom

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My 38 year old son's life is a train wreck. He abuses alcohol and drugs, has been married twice and both times the wives have left him because of drinking, irresponsible behaviour and this last time cheating on his wife. I was ready to give up on him when I learned for the first time last week that he was sexually abused by a neigbour when he was just a child. I learned this from his wife, whom he told about 8 years ago and from his brother whom he told about 4 years ago. He has never told me.

I am at a loss how to proceed with this knowledge. Since his marriage break-up he has made no attempt to speak to me or to his sisters, and has not replied to any of my e-mails. I am worried that he may try to harm himself (he did once before) or drown himself in booze. I am heartsick that this little vulnerable boy was exploited by this man and that I was not able to protect him.

I don't know what can I do to help him.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Judy

by Judy
(Ontario, Canada)

There is just too much to add to this site, but I am waking up after thirty years to the abuse that has happened to me from many years ago. I think it is wonderful to see all those that share in their stories.I know it is hard to do. I am embarrassed of where I came from. I feel so ashamed. I am getting where people have said I am shaming myself.I didn't do anything and people act like I did this to me. WHY?
I can't help but wonder why my mind stored all my sorrow away just to come back and haunt me many years later.
I wonder if there's such a thing as thirty year old shock, trauma.
It was my parents that abused me, but my older sister continued for many years later, and I just wave it under the carpet. Sometime abuse is standing right beside you and you don't know it! How do I know, they killed my Mom, that wasn't enough. I was told for the second time in my life that my Dad is not my biological father.To turn around and tell everyone I ever knew I am a liar. Judy makes up stories and then believes them. Because of this my whole family dumped me and my family.I made these people a big part of our girls lives, and for what?
Why did this happen, I have a fifteen year old daughter that was running into trouble, she moved in with my 20 something year old niece, I fought back.
Now my daughter feels if she comes home she is picking sides. There is much much more.
Now I ask for DNA from every single one of them. To find out NO. This is my family they are hurting. Who says No to such a thing? Who?




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Child Abuse Story From Sasha

by Sasha
(Florida, USA)

I have always been a daddy's girl growing up. But everyday I was always scared. He would yell at me and my sisters. He would call us "stupid", and "dirty". He felt that us being girls, we should always have the house clean. I am the oldest of 3 girls. My father would always say that I was his friend and that I was the only one he could trust.
When I was in 3rd grade, my mother had an affair with our pastor. My father found out and decided to tell me. He recorded their phone calls and I remember one night my parents fighting. My dad told my mom to go outside and he would get the tapes for her. He made me hate her so much. For years I wanted them to get a divorce and for my mother to die. I hated her so much because my dad said that she was breaking our family apart.
My father would always tell me how good life would be if it was just me and him. We would have a clean apartment and it would just be the two of us. He would always say "my girls could never honestly say that I touched them". He was always scared we would say that he had sexually abused us.
Being the eldest, I did everything for my sisters. They don't even understand how much I did for them. I had to be dad's best friend and help him with his problems. They got to keep their childhood. I had to grow up quick. I had to take care of my sisters when they were sick, and help with homework. I felt like their parent for the longest time, but they never saw it that way. They felt I was just there to do things for them, like cook.
For the longest time I have had depression, only until recently I have been diagnosed with Depression and an Anxiety disorder.
When I was in 4th grade, my dad didn't talk to me that whole year because I was in counseling. He would hand my sister money and say "give this to your sister for lunch". At night (my sisters and I shared a room together) he would kiss them good night and give me an evil look then go to his room. That same year, my younger sister "G" had stacked potato chips on the carpet and I walked past, they fell and she cried. My dad took his shoe off and beat my leg with it. And he said that I'm a little b***h. My mom saw the bruise of his foot print on my leg and asked what happened. I told her and she said not to show the counselors at school.
My "father" would always yell and make my mom cry. He is always the victim and the world owes him something.
On many ocassions I tried to get him help and he said that I was stupid to make him take "happy pills". But he needs it.
I am 18 years old now. My parents split up after 15 years together like 2 years ago. And recently he has disowned me. He won't talk to me or answer my texts. I tried to tell him I forgive him but again he is the victim. I called him an a**hole, and he just can't let it go. I feel like he is jelous all because I have met the love of my life. He has been there for me. My dad told him that he was "taking his reason for living" when they met. My sperm donor just is very manipulative and mean. I'm sorry for ranting on, it's just I have wanted to tell my story for others to know. I have told therapists about how my sperm donor should have not told me about my mother's affair and how he is controlling. I feel this counts as abuse because making a child constantly scared and depressed is not what anyone should, especially a child should have to live through.
My sperm donor is just that, all the times he said "i love you" was a lie, because if you truly love someone, you would never disown them. Thank you for reading. Plz nice comments. This site really helps, because getting something off your chest helps relieve pain and heartache. God bless you all.




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Child Abuse Story From Jewel

by Jess
(Michigan, USA)

I dont know when it started. But i know that it must have sometime early. My mother had me out of wedlock, and from a man that she despises now. I also seem to look and act like both my father and my mothers sister, both of whom she cant stand. I was told, when i asked about my birth, that the doctors offer mom to hold me and she declined briskly. So they set me on her belly and she looked down at me in pure disgust and moved her upper body farther away from me in repulsion. So my aunt held me first. When i was two, we moved to arizona because her new husband was in the airforce. nearing the end of the year in arizona, he hit my mother and knocked her jaw and teeth ascew. Then he grabbed me up and carried me into the bathroom, then shut the door in my mothers face and locked it. i was in there alone with him for almost an hour. I dont know what he did to me in there, but i know that since then (ive had to be told all of this by a relative, as i dont remember any of it and mom wont talk about it) ive been absolutely terrified of men. any men my mom dates, im scared of. recently i had my first sexual experience, and i felt nothing. But i also didnt bleed as is normal. Ive always wondered what he did to me in that bathroom, if he permanently messed me up so ill never find pleasure with my boyfriend. is it possible for that to happen, im wondering? also, my mother used to hit me and kick me. shed tell me im stupid and fat. the'd lean over me and kick me as im crying and screaming "mommy mommy dont please it hurts dont!" (i was 15 at the time. WAY past the "mommy" stage) and shed just scream back "i have more strength in my pinky then you do in your big fat body!". before that day, shes hit me many times and a bit after. my whole youth was spent in that situation. and i did tell people. they called me a liar and told my mom what ive been saying about her, and she got angry and did it again. these people were my "family". I don't know what to believe about the situation where i may have been sexually abused and what it could mean to any future intercourse i might try.




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Child Abuse Story From Nikita H

by Nikita H
(Ireland )

Abuse From My Baby Sitter: 
I was around 10 or 9 not sure, my mam was getting ready to go out with her friedns to the pub. She looked really pretty but i dreaded the moment when she was going to say im just ringing the babysister now. It all started when me and my brother where being put to bed. Our baby sitter would come up with us, he would go in and check up on 2 of us. My brother first then me. He sat on my bed and said ..." can i feel your private.." I said No because i know what he was doing he was abusing me. Then when i said no he said "im ..im sorry i didnt mean to say that i'll bring you down loads of moblie phone. I said yes (stupid me). Then he said it again can i feel yr private instead, i keeped saying no no no!!! So he brought me dwn stairs and said i could stay up late we where out in the kitchen when he kept saying sorry i didnt mean to say that. I was getting kind of scared then my mam walked in.

I was put up to bed by my mam and i was going to tell her but i waited... it was like 2 weeks later when she was getting ready to go out. She said im ringing the babysitter and i burst out crying. She said whats wrong, and i told her everthing so after that i told her not 2 tell anyone annd she said she wouldnt. So thats the story of my abuseieve baby sitter.




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Child Abuse Story From Bella

by Bella
(Adelaide, Australia)

I dont know if this is child abuse but when my dad gets really angry he usally pulls me by my clothes and throws me to my bed

later on my step sister always comes in and asks if im alright

and one other night my dad threw me agenst the door and it made a little whole in the door.




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Child Abuse Story From Giuliana

by Giuliana
(Canada)

It all started when I was three (I'm thriteen now).. I don't remember anything from until I was five but I know that ever since I was five and did something wrong I would get a beating.

My family looks perfect on the outside... My father has a good job, my mom works part time and I'm the 'perfect' daughter.

Everyone thinks that my family is perfect.

Wrong.

When I was six years old my parents would argue at night, I would spend my nights listening to them and I would cry.

One night, my father came home late and my mother waited for him. The fighting got worse and my mother threw an iron at him (I asked a few years later). Then their was a scream (my mother's) and till this day my mother wouldn't tell me why.

A few days after they got 'divorced' and I would spend the weekends with my father. The beatings didn't come back until my father and mother got back together.

Then beatings would come when my mother would PMS or when I pushed my parents too far.

I live in Montreal in an Italian district (I'm Italian) and all the kids at my school get beatings and all that but I still don't think its right.

I'm lucky because I was never sexually abused but after reading all these child abuse stories, I'm always on my guard scared that my father will resort to sexual abuse eventually.

I don't think he will though, he's better than that, I think.

I remember being beaten sometimes for crying when I got hurt.

There was this time where I was playing with a pattleball, when I was six and the ball went to my mouth I started to cry and my mother began to beat me and I almost fell down the stairs (thankfully I regained my balance) then she chased me down the stairs and began to beat me with an umbrella (my hands are shaking and I'm trying not to cry as I write this) Great now my mascara's running....

Now, the beatings are coming less and less but the verbal abuse is way worse. I'm blamed for things that have absolutely nothing to do with me! The fighting between my parents still goes on and of course I'm the target after they fight.

I feel like screaming and telling them just to get divorced so I won't have to suffer anymore. Then there are times where I don't want them to get a divorce because I'm scared my parents will drink and do drugs.

My mother recently started to call me names when she abuses me 'Spoiled brat', 'f***ing pain in the ass','romba palla (italian for ball buster)', 'stupid', 'idiot' you name it she's called it.

My mother got into a fight with my grandmother and aunt and now she refuses I even talk to them. I love my grandmother I can't not see her! I hate being in the middle of it all.

Thankfully, I have a friend who's in the same situation (the abuse) but her's is a little more physical than mine.

Her mother uses a belt.

I ask her from time to time if you should run when your parents give you a beating. She does, she even hides (under beds, closets, shower, locking the doors where she's hiding) I don't think it would help if I ran away. I think it would only make it worse.

I remember after every beating my mother would give me she would be breathless. She disgusts me. I remember having her smoke filled breath in my face when she would beat me. I just wanted to put my hand over her mouth to block the smell.

My father doesn't have time to beat me. He's always at work or away so that leaves me with my mother at home almost all the time.

I can't stand it anymore.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Courtney

by Courtney
(Location Unknown)

My Mother had an innapropriate relationship with my brothers friend. The friend then had a sexual relationship with me for a few years under the age of 10. My Mother knew about this and admitted it to me when I was a lot older. I tried to take my life but did not succeed. Now everything is bad again and I'm considering trying once more. I do go to counselling but find that talking about it does not help. I'm not sure who to turn to anymore or how long I would need help for before I felt even a little bit better. Hotlines etc appear to have no affect on me whatsoever. Im stuck. What if I don't have a way out?




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Mathew

by Mathew
(Location Undisclosed)

I do not remember when my abuse started, i just remember when i started to feel it. I never used to cry because i just thought that is what everyone does. I was probably 11 or 12 when it started to hurt me. I started to feel ashamed of myself. I used to do things with other boys which i felt were right. It was secret and we did not tell. Trouble was with other boys i wanted to tell because i thought that is what boys do. I was reported, got such a beating then after that i left other boys alone. I got a beating for doing what people do to me, does not really make sense. I became more selective with the boys i wanted to share my secrets with and things got better. Apart from at home, Mum said i was disgusting dad agreed but i never told on him. I was 15 the last time my dad abused me and mum came home early. Mum kicked the s**t out of him and then threw him on the streets. I was just left crying in my bed until the next day. Mum told me to get dressed for school and that was that. I still went with other boys but i just felt sick all the time. I knew mum disapproved but mum never really brought up the subject. I took some pills when i was 17, quite a lot in fact. All my organs started to fail but somehow i pulled through. Started counselling and after a while mum came too. So many secrets shared between just a few people. I am in a relationship with another man and mum accepts that. Mum blames my father but accepts me. I still have to accept myself.




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Child Abuse Story From Mel

by Melinda
(Location Undisclosed)

Its weird really, I have never been able to say the R word, so throughout this story I will use the term sexually abused. I dont know if it is because the R word takes me back to the time or if it is because I relate the R word to shame, but anyhow I'll get on with my sexual abuse account. By the way I am very nervous about sharing and until last week I hadn't told a single soul, until I believe I reached breaking point and ended up crying out to my doctor, so sorry about any literature errors =)

I was 11 when the sexual abuse took place. I can remember it as if it only happened yesterday, I can remember the finest detail as though the event has been perminantly scarred into my memory.

I never really got on with my fathers side of the family nor did I ever really have a chance at any form of positive relationship with members on my fathers side of the family. You see my father was an alcoholic and a heavy drug user which often resulted in a lot of physical violence towards my mum. They divorced when I was only 3 years old. From that day, although I have very little memory, my mum said that there used to be an arrangement where I would spend one day per week under the supervision of some qualified person with my father, although he is not really a father at all. This happened for about a year until access was stopped altogether by the qualified person, not sure exactly who?? But anyway, when I was 10, contact with my father started again, and things kind of were ok, a little weird, but I was glad to have a father in my life. I was introduced to the rest of the family, including granddad, grandma and an aunty.

On school holidays when I was 11, it was arranged I would spend half of my holidays at my grandad and grandmas house whom lived quite a distance away (about 3 hours). I was very apprehensive but excited at the same time as this would be the first time I would be staying at their house after only really being in contact with them for about a year.

Grandma seemed nice enough, very shy and a reserved person, she reminded me of myself, so we shared an instant invisible bond. My grandad on the other hand, was very forward spoken and quite creepy, if thats the right word for it??

The first day and night went pretty well, we went to the beach, looked at old photos and went shopping etc etc, but after that my whole perception of the world changed. On the second night I was awoken to my grandad walking into my room and pulling the door behind him, I was a little confused as to what was going on, so I asked him if everything was ok? He told me to be quiet and that we were going to play a little game. Still a tad confused I agreed to what ever game was about to happen, but nervous at the same time.

The next minute I know, he is pulling back the bed spreads and inches his body close to mine. Maybe he was going to read me a bed time story? Boy was I wrong, what happened next, I wish I could forget but unfortunately it has been engraved into my memory. After touching me all over, kissing me, telling me how beautiful I was, he began to undress me. Panic stricken, I froze, I tried to yell, but nothing came out, I tried to run, but my body wouldnt move. he sexually abused me what happened after that, I have no idea, all I remember is waking up the next morning with an enormous sense of pain down below and a bit of blood. Then the horrific memories from the night before came flooding back.

I got out of bed and rung mum and asked if I could come home early as I felt a little sick. Mums reply felt like someone stabbing me in the heart. She said she needed a break from me and that i only had 5 more days and I will be home again.

Grandma was in the kitchen doing something, then grandad walked out of his room and brushed past me, his hand brushing past my private bits and he gave me the coldest stare as if saying, you better not tell a soul. That day felt like eternity as everyone tried to go on with life as normal pretending last night never happened. Then I started questioning myself, maybe it was all a dream, maybe i had a crazy imagination. But that night as I went to bed, I saw the blood on the sheets and knew it must be for real. As the previous night, grandad walked in, but this time he sat on the end of my bed fully clothed and told me that if I ever told a soul, that he would make sure I would lose everyone that loved me. He told me that i deserved what had happened and that I should be a good girl and act like a normal 11 year old then things like this wouldnt happen. Then he whipered to me, and I will never forget those words that left his dirty old mouth 'YOU ARE NOTHING" the rest of my stay carried on as if nothng had happened, and I was glad when I got home and was able to cuddle my dog. I was scared, I felt ashamed, I felt dirty, I felt bad. So I never told anyone what had happened. And since that day I have not seen any of my fathers side of the family since. I HATE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART. MY GRANDAD IS AN A**HOLE, A PIECE OF LOW LIFE SCUM, I WOULD SPIT ON HIS GRAVE, I HATE THAT HE MADE ME HATE MYSELF SO MUCH. To help control my pain I felt, I started self harming, so i will forever bear the scars of what sexual abuse did to me. GRANDAD I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Samantha

by Samantha
(Location Withheld)

i realise that when most people think of sexual abuse they think of probably some gross guy but truthfuly my abuser was a woman...my mother. my mother was very ill through her pregnacy with me and as a result of this infection i was born with cerebral palsy in both of my legs. i can walk but must wear braces on my legs and use crutches because my muscles are weak. my mother never realy made a big deal of this. she told me God had simply made me a little different. my mother never hit or even yelled at me. Actualy i remember one of her freinds saying she was suprised i was such a "sweet little child" being that my mom rareley punished or raised her voice to me.i remember when i was 4 and threw a ball in the house after she told me not to breaking an expensive glass figurine her mother had gave her, this is the one time she spanked me. she grabbed me whacked my bare behind and sat me in the corner..later she told me she was sorry for hitting me. things got bad when i was about 5. my mother had always had me bathe with her with. in my eyes as a child that was fine. thing went as usual i played with my toy boats while she bathed me but then she started to rub on my private area. i didnt understand but stopped playing to look down at what she was doing. then she asked if it felt good. i didnt answer. she soon took me out of the bath and to her bedroom and layed me down and proceded to do oral sex on me. i didn't say anything because my mind simply could'nt handle these strange feelings. after that day she continued to do this almost every night. she began teaching me explicit things only adults should know,making me watch porn with her while she touched me. if i refused she'd tell me that if i wanted to make her happy i would do it. i loved my mommy very much so i continued doing as she said rather it hurt or not. after she'd cuddle me and tell me how happy she was to have me. this confused me badly. she said she loved me yet hurt me. it ended when i was 12 and told a freind what was happening to me.she told a teacher who alerted the authorities my mother pleaded guilty yet only got 2 years and manditory counsaling and i went to live with my grandfather who we all call "pops" after some counsiling and help from pops i reaise she was the one who took advantage of me and it wasnt my fault. thanks for listening. God bless




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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

by Jennifer
(Mississippi, USA)

The beatings started when I was six. Unknown to me at the time, my mother was diagnosed with a personality disorder. I was only a child so when she went from being a loving, caring mother to a psychotic masochist, I didn't understand. She would stick me in the bathroom with a bucket full of chemicals and leave me there. I nearly died twice. I was only spared because my father came home from work early and found me. I never found out why he never reported her. I was his little girl, his baby. No, he never abused me...but he didn't stop it either. he's dead now...he killed himself right in front of me. I was ten at the time. He looked at me, sadness in his eyes, and told me he was sorry. Then he blew his brains out. Of course, my mother blamed me. The abuse only escalated. She would strap me to my bed for days without food. She would only give me about a cup of water a day...so I wouldn't dehydrate.

I was finally spared this when she became pregnant with my brother. The abuse stopped for a blessed nine months. My brother, however, was born with a severe mental handicap and she started to abuse him as well. I tried to protect him...but I was only 11. He was spared from further pain when he simply stopped breathing. I woke up and went to check on him...he'd turned blue and everything. Of course, she blamed me and the beatings grew worse.

I lived in that hell hole until I was 16. I finally confided in a teacher and he call the police. I was taken from that home and that teacher even adopted me into his own family. he was a very nice man and had a daughter about my age. I am now living with a man I love. I can't have kids but, in a way, I'm glad. I'd afraid that the cycle would repeat itself and I could never live with myself if I ever hurt a child.




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Child Abuse Story From Patricia

by Dr Pat
(Georgia, USA)

I was molested by my biological father at the age of 14. I am now 69 years old. The molestation really began when I was nine years; he exposed his penis to me one night when my mother was at work. At the time, I had no idea of what I was seeing. Children were less knowledgeable in those days; now children practically know everything about the body at that age. But living in Nashville, Tennessee in the 1950's things were quite different.

I have decided to write a book on my life. I want to be encouragement to other young girls that have had similar experiences in their life. Since, the memory of the experience never goes away, one must pray to God for peace, endurance, and strength everyday to continue in the NOW period of your life.

I am no longer a victim but a victor. The fact that I survived without a lot of hate and resentment is a miracle. I still see my father at times and treat him with the ultimate respect. Once he got himself into trouble and I even allowed him to come and stay in my house with my husband and I.

The Lord can make you strong again, and as the years go by you will be surprised at the strength that you have obtained by holding tight to his TRUTH (WORD).

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST, THAT GIVES US STRENGTH.




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Child Abuse Story From Cristel

by Cristel
(Texas, USA)

I was about 7 or 8 when it first happen. My cousin was about 17 years old and he would always stay the night with me and my parnets! one night he came into my room and asked if i wanted to play a game and of course i said yes. He said it would hurt a little but thats how it went. he would first tell me to undress and hop back into bed. he would then undress and get in my bed. he first stuck his penis into my vigina and it hurt. i remember crying. then he would tell me to get under neath the covers and suck him. he would make weird noices. then one time he told me to spred my legs open and close my eyes. he began to lick down there and then work his way up to sucking on my boobs. i would have hickys so big. he fingered me and he even sodomized me from behind. i always felt sour. sometimes i would even bleed. i never forgive him to this day of what he's done.




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Child Abuse Story From Warren

by Warren
(United Kingdom)

I can never quite remember how old I was when it started, I've always disliked my uncle, bad tempered and a creep. He did take me and my younger siblings on day trips and stuff, but was always on his terms.

I think I was about 13, he was over our house every weekend cause of his job in the city. My parents would take the opportunity to to go out and leave us with him. the first time was a wrestling match, which he then started to masturbate me. after then it got worse, carried on for a few years, always pulling me into the bathroom and giving me money in return for blowjobs etc etc. the worst was on my 16 birthday he tried to have full on anal sex with me. i remember panicking and clenging to make sure i wasn't penetrated. my only answer was to escape, so at 16 i started staying away from home, for weeks on end at some points. then at 18 I moved out cut myself off from my parents and hid. why did i never stop it? why didn't I tell anyone?

I'm now 26, after years of random sex, drinking and drugs which all led to a pretty serious breakdown (was nearly sectioned) i'm facing the issues. I've told the police who have arrested him and taken his computer, they have found pictures and videos that support my story and we are waiting to hear from the CPS about a trial. I'm currently medicated for depression, in counselling and off work. hopefully after the trial I can begin to build around this horrible mess and close the door to my past.




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Child Abuse Story From Veronica

by Veronica
(Location Undisclosed)

I was physically and verbally abused by my mother since I was 5 years old and I am still currently enduring the pain today. I live in a family of four, with one younger sister who is nine years old. My father is never home because of his job and he always finds excuses not to be home. Whenever he’s with us, it’s as if he’s a stranger and is always in a negative mood. That’s where the fighting comes in.
My mother is very strict. My grandmother, which is her mother, is currently battling rectum cancer. Since then, my mother took her anger and stress on me. Coming back from the hospital, she would always yell at me for no reason and constantly blame me for the littlest and most stupid things. Sometimes I think that I’m not wanted and I just want to run away from here. For example, she told me to put the dishes in the dishwasher, and I told her to wait a minute. She lost it. She whipped me a fork from across the room. I’ve gotten worse like when she whipped me continuously with the vacuum where I got several bruises on my legs. I pretend to not be afraid so she think it’s not doing any good. It hurts me to see my relationship with my mother come to this extent. And she throws things in my face that my sister is better than me and she is her favourite and she would never hit her. Why me? Why? What did I ever do wrong to deserve this? I can only take so much. She calls me names like spoiled witch, a bitch, f***ing pain in the ass, stupid, idiot, you name it, she’s called it. I’ve been taking this in for a while and I just need to let it out. I have a friend who is currently going through something like this and we always call each other when things get bad. When she would start screaming at me while I was doing my homework on the table, she would come and rip up my copy books. She would delete my work on my computer. I dream of running away and escaping this hell.
My father is the type of man to not yell. He would protect me from my mother when she would start hitting me. That’s when she would start yelling at me and then she would tell my father that he’s contradicting her parenting. What kind of parenting is that? She would tell me that in her days, she used to get it bad. And it’s not even like I’m a bad kid. I respect school rules, I bring home good grades, but guess what? It’s never enough. She once said that one day, in the morning, she hopes she would never wake up. Suicidal much.
One night, I couldn’t find my Opus. (bus pass) She told me that it was late and I had to go to bed. I tried to explain, but then she went and got out the belt. That`s when things got bad. She took me by the hair and whipped my legs at least ten times while whipping my arms and I got a slap across my face. I tried to be strong. I couldn’t hold that in so I began crying. I ran in my room and curled up in a ball and began crying and telling myself I wanted to die. She didn’t pick an ordinary belt either, she picked a belt with metal strands on the sides which made it extra painful. As much as she would hurt me, she can’t change who I am. She can’t tell me what I`m doing is wrong. I do not like to be controlled. I began bleeding from my arms in which a scar appeared. The pain wears off after a while, but the pain inside of me, stays forever. I always think that she hates me and now I`m convinced that I am no importance in her life. I don’t think it’s normal for a mother to discipline her child this way. She doesn’t listen to what I have to say, but just judges for me. If she would find out what I would be doing now, my head would be on a platter. Literally. I am fed up of this bogus. I don’t think I can endure this any longer. Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep.
One night, the fighting got so bad, that my mother began packing up my father’s clothes. If my dad left, I wouldn’t of had anyone to protect me. They were screaming and screaming that I began to cry. I went to a corner and curled up in a ball and sobbed until I woke up the next morning on the floor. I don’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes, I just distance myself from everything and just close my eyes and tell myself it’s just a bad dream. I can go on and on, it never ends.
I never see my father. He always has something more important to do clearly saying his family is not important. It doesn’t make a difference to me because I`m used to it. Every night, the table is set without him. It pains me because I live without a father.
I don’t know how long this will last, but I doubt any time soon. I guess all of this just makes me a stronger person in life. I know one thing’s for sure, I will NEVER treat my children the way they treat me. I`m just going to have to take whatever comes my way and tell myself that I can get through this. Time will heal.




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Child Abuse Story From Me

by A Girl
(Location Undisclosed)

I am not sure if I was molested or not. I have a couple of different stories. 1) When I was about 6-7 at a friends house one of the guest found me alone in a room in which i was playing and touched my all over and pulled down his pants and showed his penis to me. I am not sure if he really wanted to rape me. But suddenly he heard someone is calling me, he pulled up his pants and I ran away but I did not tell anyone. But it was only once because I never see that man any more in my life.

2) Someone who came to our house to repair something. He found me alone and he touched my breasts just for few second until I could move and ran away. I was frozen for few seconds. I did not tell anyone. That man came to our house 100 times in my life but whenever he was at our house I stayed in my room.

3) I was on the way back home from school and someone showed his penis to me. He did not touch me. I ran the whole way to our house with speed of a jet. Again I did not tell anyone and I don't know why I did not!!!




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Child Abuse Story From Adam Y

by Adam Y
(Australia)

It all started at a time i cant even remember how old i was, a night i didnt see to be unusual, with my older brother of 3 years coming down and sleeping on the bottom bunk with me for what i thought to be because he was cold, but then he started to hop ontop of me and at that point i had no idea what he was trying to do so i just played asleep because i thought he was just beating me up like the many times before, looking back on it i realise that he was trying to rape me in my sleep. It wasnt until a few nights later i caught him trying to do it again, except he took my pants down and tried sticking his bare penis inside me, this was when i stopped him cos i didnt know what was going on or why he was doing this. To this day im not sure how that conversation went but through what i am very sure about, i was threatened into going along with it until he was finished, at the time not sure that he was only stopping because he climaxed, this continued for how long i cant remember exactly until he came to me asking for me to suck his penis, again under threats of violence i caved and gave him what he desired, and numerous times, but i made me make a deal that if he got that then he had to give me the same, and he did but only when he felt like it, i feel ashamened because i should have and could have gone for help every time. he abused me as his younger brother and abused the physical dominace he had over me and for years i was scared lying in my bed at night afraid he was going to come down and rape me scared that people would find out and what they would think of my family but mostly me, that i would be labled a homosexual for doing any of it, no matter if i got a say in it or not i just wish i had of spoken up and if i had of i wouldnt have this dark cloud hanging over me today, i am still ashamened of it i am feeling guilty for letting it go on and i am petrafied that it is going to come out and that my family will be shamened because of actions i took part in!




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Child Abuse Story From Melissa

by Melissa
(Michigan, USA)

Physical Abuse: 
I'm 16. I have gone through physical and emotional abuse since the age of 6, it started after I did something wrong. I thought maybe if I changed myself I could fix it. Nothing seemed to work, I kept trying hoping and praying every night i wouldn't get abused anymore. Nothing worked I cried until my tears couldn't come any longer.People always assume that when you're abused your going to tell someone, unfortunatly that wasn't the case for me. My first thought was to take it until it would stop, but unfortunatly it never did. I was physically and emotionally abused at least 5-7 times a day, I've always wanted to tell people but I do not appretiate anyones pity. I'm not asking for that I'm only asking for support from all you readers. I was abou 10 when my sister began to do the same to me. After being abused by my mom I was now being abused by my own sister. It carried until the age of 12, I came home to my two sisters and i went into my room to do my homework. I have a handicapped sister so sometimes I have to take care of her, and my other sister C-- asked me to come take care of her, I couldn't I had homework. I told her that, she yelled and screamed at me calling me worthless and to get off my a**. I told her no, she began hitting me a trophy fell off the dresser in my room, she grabbed it and decided to hit me with it. I tried to block, no luck it hurt i felt gashes in my body while tears streamed down my face. We ended up onto my bed and she sat there and beat the hell out of me. I begged her to stop, she didn't, she finally stopped after about 20minutes. I took it and hit her thigh, she limped out of my room screaming at me for being a little sh*t. I cried and layed there...looking down at the gashed body that is now mine. After my sister left I grabbed the knife, I figured why live if I'm going to be beaten every day. I put it up to throat...Then put it down and fell to my knees and cried until it was 4:00 and I gave my handicapped sister her medicen. The next couple of months the abuse only got worse, at the age of 13 my sister one day punched me in the face. I bled a lot and hid in my room and prayed for my mom to come home. My nose, fortunatly, was not broken just bruised a little as well as puffy. Also, around this time, my father began to drink more and more. At the age of 14 my father got so drunk he didn't know what was going on, it was about 3AM on a saturday and I was on the phone with my ex boyfriend, and my father came in and yelled at me and then i put the phone down and went to shut my door and my dad hit me in the face with it. I cried myself to sleep that night, at 15 the abuse stopped but not fully or completely my mom tells me all the time I'll only be good for a hooker on the street, my dad calls me stupid. I now am 16 and am scarred for life, no one can touch my face, I flinch, people at school laugh every time I do it. It's only a reminder of how everythings happened to me. I don't have the courage to tell anyone I told my best friends, no one else. I want to scream it to the world, I want to tell everyone I dont want this life anymore. I want this to stop. Please make it stop.




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Child Abuse Story From Kim L

by Kim
(Australia )

When I was 5 I remembered that Every weekend I would cry Not because I was sad But because I was being Emotionally Abused and Phisically Abused. Now I'm 12 turning 13 this year and is still being child abused, I am being Physically Abused and Emotionally Abused. My Parents does not encourage me In anyway They keep on saying That "I'm A Jerk" , "I am Stupid" They keep on Yelling at me at every single thing I Get yelled at about 10 times a day and they keep on threating me. Both my dad and my Mum Keeps saying that I'm Worthless and Having me was a Mistake. At school Everyday I would Try to forget what has happened over the morning and get on with my learning but it's sort of hard. I would never tell anyone at school not even teachers that I am being child abused Because I am afraid of what will happen Next. Every time my teacher asked my Parents To come to A Interview They Would always Hit Me First And Threatens me first before they went. I don't know why because I Always get A and B at school and I gotten 12 really special awards but I would never tell them because I am Afraid of them. I am left alone at home quite Frenquently on weekends and school Holidays. Today My dad Kicked me really hard with his Boots on and now it my Entire body really Hurts.I am not an only child I have a brother but my parents Never child abuse him they only Child abuse Me. Right now I don't know what to do. I had enough of it and I want a Childhood Life... I want to be like all the normal children. Children who never get hit. And Are treated like there worth something. So please If anyone has any feedback on what I should do I'll be really Thankful and greatful.




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Child Abuse Story From Brittney P

by Brittney P
(Location Unknown)

My life has not always been so great like it is now.my parents were drugies and my sister was only 19 when she gave up her life to raise me and my sister.She became very abusive towards me i never to this day figured out why I was the only one being locked out side day andnight or not eating for weeks on end. My sister would tell every one that i was fine or i just was in trouble.I would go to school with bruses that i would have to hide.I didnt have friends because I knew they would ask why i was so skinny or didnt eat at school. I finally couldnt take it when i was 13 i ranaway i went to the only friend i had her parent helped me call CPS but my sister never got in trouble. Now I been in foster care for 4 years.Ill be 18 in jan. 2012 still living with the memories of those years.




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Child Abuse Story From Anita

by Anita
(Location Undisclosed)

my life has been like a rollercoaster. i was sexual abused as a child from approxiamately the age of 5 until i met my husband when i was 18, my husband was my way of escaping this abuse. it was a close realative that did this to me and after 30 years i still have not told of this person. i have 3 wonderful children and they know my sceret. i call it this because i am ashamed of it. i feel as if i must of done something wrong to deserve to be treated like this. i struggled with marriage at first because i did not feel love for my husband or in fact know what love was. i find it hard even to this day to cuddle anyone or let them cuddle me. i have 2 lovely grandchildren and i am worried that something or someone may hurt one of them llke i spent my life worrying about my children. after 7 years of been married my husband and i split up, it was then that i realised i could not live without him, we made a go of things and have now been together for 30 years. he wants to kill the person who has caused me so much pain but until this person is no longer here his name will remain a secret. i get by but only just. i lost my hair when i was young but no one knew why only me. people see me as a normal woman enjoying life to the full but they do not see the hurt and pain that i still suffer. i take tablets to help me sleep and probably will for the rest of my life... so i hope my friends that if anyone reading this is going through any abuse please please tell someone.... i wish i had or could...




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Child Abuse Story From Eleesa

by Eleesa
(Wisconsin, USA)


My Abuse Life... 
When i was in my mom she drinked and smoked she fell on me while i was in her. I dont remember much from when i was little.

But i do remember quite a bit thats happend, its hard for me to say this. My mom met a guy before i was born.. Then he turned out to be my father, my mom knew that he was my father because he was the only guy she was with at that time. When he had me he had 2 other kids with two diffrent other girls, it was my mom, his wife mind you yes he was married at the time and my mother did not know about these other girls, and another girl that he must of known.

When i was born he denied that i was his child. My mom and him went to court, in court he said "That bitch is crazy i never slept with her." The doctor took a swab out of my mouth, my dads mouth, and my mothers mouth. The result came back 99.9% that he was my dad. He never holded me he just left to go back to his wife. And sence then i have never again seen my dad.

Me and my mother only got along when just her and me lived together, even then we had our ups and downs. But at that time life was ok. Until she met another guy, his name is S---, he made my life a liveing hell but not as bad as other abused people. One day i got a phone call from my friend she asked "Can I Come Over??" I said "No, Im grounded." Then she said "Ok i will be right over." Because she lived right across the street. That's when i screamed "I Said No You Cant!!!" But she had already hung up the phone. I went in my moms room and told them (My mom and S---) what had happend. When i walked out the room i went back in my room. Around 1 minutes later S--- walked in and said "If she comes your grounded longer." But i had said "I told her she couldent because i was grounded." And he said "I dont care." I started to cry. Right after that the door bell rang he ran down stairs and i followed. It was her, my friend.

When i turned 8 years old my mom and S--- had a baby. His name is J--. He is very anoying. But when he was a baby he always cried.. Babies ALWAYS Cry! But apparently not to S---, to S--- you had to do something to make a baby cry. And so every time he cried i got blamed for it. My mom wouldent do anything, and i dont know why. When i got blamed for him crying i got grounded and i wasent messing with him, i was told to sit on my hands while in the car at all times by S--- and J-- would cry and i still got blamed for it.

When i got older my mom was starting to get sick of S---'s crap. I had been begging my mom to leave him. So they went to the court house to have visitations. So thats what happend.

I went with J-- for visitations becuase i dident trust S--- with J--, S--- treated J-- like crap S--- would tell not let me go near my brother and i loved J-- but we could never come close to eachother because of S---. And its hard for me to tell you that, it makes me cry knowing that i couldent be by my own brother. When ever i went to play cars with my little brother S--- would pick him up and put him somewhere else.

S---'s job was far away also S--- moved over there so it wasted a lot of gas. So my mom told him that he had to move closer other wise J-- would not be doing visitations any more, and so S--- did move closer.

After a long time, one day S--- said "I remember when you were young you let me sit in the bathroom when you took a bath, and you shut the shade's." And S--- made me and J-- take a shower or a bath every other day. And that day that he told me that it was a shower. And i said "Oh? Yea, i remember that." S--- said "Yup, if you want i can do that again." And i was scared becuase i dident know why he would want to. So i said "If you want to i guess you can tonight." I told him to wait though so i could get in my bath. So he did wait. When i got in i yelled ok. So then i took my bath but when i glanced to grab my soap i seen him. Then i got really scared becuase i dident know if he could see me but i thought he could becuase he was looking right at my head. After my bath he got out liked i asked. Later that night he asked if he could go around the house naked. All the way nude. I really dident want him to but he lived there he scared me so i said "Yes but just stay like kind of away from me." And i had to go to the bathroom so i went and i looked at the bathtub and i seen that the curtains are see threw so he was watching me take a shower.

The next morning i told my friend and she said you have to tell your mom and i said im going to. My mom was at work at the time but her job wasent that far away from where we lived and iv walked there before so i knew where to go. I told my mom and asked her if i could stop going to visitation, and that i was scared and she said sure. So i stopped going.

A few days after that he ran away changed his name. We know where he is. We might have to go to court because of it.

So the only people that lived at my house was me, my mom, and J--.

I started to get very jealous of my brother he got loved more than me he got on my nerves all the time, i started to put a pillow over his face and sit on him untile he kicked and screamed. Now i know it was the most hurtful thing that i have ever done i feel so bad and i regret what i did. I cry evertime i think of it, i know that i did that and it was wrong i will never do that again and i have NOT been. I feel very bad and sorry.

Sence me and my mom never really got along when ever we got in an argument it was starting to get out of control. We were starting to get in fist fights. I got bloody noses, bald spots on my head, and bruises.

I would run away from home becuase i dident want to go to school. And i mainly ran away from home when it was a school day because i had "U.T.I" Unitary Track Infection. I got it from wiping the wrong way when i was going to the bathroom and haveing my jeans to tight. And ever sence then i have not worn jeans because it bothers me down "there."

But thats what i just wanted to say that is how my life has been running and i dont want to live the way im liveing i know that other kids and people have it worse but i feel like i should still be able to say what i have had to say.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Alexys

by Alexys
(Indiana, USA)

Need to get this out: 
I was born when my mom was young... so i was bounced around from my grandma to my mom almost all of my life...so when i was two years old my mom was pregnant with my little sister and got married to her dad.. he was ok with me the first few years of my life then he got real mean.. he would hit me and beat me with spoons and spatulas. then my mom started beating me the same way. i tried to run away once but all it did was get me in more trouble...my mom had another child with the man and then they got divorced... thats when things started to get bad again. my mom was in and out of the house a lot and it was around that time that i found out that the man who was the father of my brother and my sister wasn't my father (i dont know my father). i felt responsible to take care of the house and of my little brother and sister i was like only seven so this was not an easy task to take on... i was pretty much her personal slave i was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor. and changing diapers.my mom had a lot of men in and out of the house that stayed there..and lived with us. there was one man who was there...he was too nice to me and i didn't understand until a little later.. he touched me and was very inappropriate and i was very scared from all this happoning... then i went to stay with my grandma for about three years . then i went back with my mom for a bout six months then i came back to my grandmas because my step dad punched me in the face. and i have been here ever since.
ever since all of this i have had soo many problems they have changed and became worse. when i was younger i used to yell and i used to cal names and fight.
then i would have sex with a lot of guys ( 12 to be exact) and i would lie to everyone . i lived and still do live a double life.
when i was about thirteen years old i met a guy who i was with for a year and a half he used to hit me and call me names...and make me feel horrible and worthless...
then i got with my current boyfriend. he proposed to me and i feel like i cant live without him litterally...i have anxiety attacks when im not with him or dont talk to him.. he is moveing and im afraid that i might die from anxiety or pain... and idk what to do... ive been to theripy and to counsuling and it doesnt work and i dont like it...so my life is pretty much over.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Lauren J

by Lauren J
(Belfast, Ireland)

8 long dark years of my life: 
I dont know where to start but I was sexually abused by four different men in my childhood. two knew each other and would often work along side each other the other two didnt know the others. none of them knew what the othr men were doing, justbad luck you could say. all four of them beat me, sexually abused me, and emotionally drained me for 8 years of my life. my mum was not in a stable state to know this and still doesnt, i only disclosed everything to one of my closest friends, strangely enough male. the first two were close family friends, the third my mothers ex partner, the fourth person i told him i had been sexually abused a suposed friend and he said i was lying and he would show me what abuse was and thats how they all came about.
they would all bevery violent esspecially if i was planning to do something, like play a sports match, or train for a sport, as it meant i wasnt there at their beck and call when they wanted sex or to feel good. That was hard week in week out having to come up with new excuses as to what happened to me and why i had a balck eye, cut, or broken bone. they all wanted me to keep quiet which i kind of did which is where the emotional abuse comes into it. but the sexual abuse that was the main part of it. all four of them would touch me, make me touch them and myself, stuck sex toys, bike saddles, pens, pipes, bottles, fingers, fists, and toungs into my vagina. they made me have vaginal,anal and oral sex with them. i had to try out new positions, and places. i was often beaten in the process for fighting back. i had been tied up neumerous times and they just shagged the life out of me. no matter how much pain or blood nothing stopped them. they would burn me, cut me, even bite me what ever they wanted. i had to be part of their fanticies dressing up, doing what ever they wanted. they would be so rough when it came to sex they didnt have a single bit of feeling for what i was going through. it happene in alley ways, mine or their home, in a car, on the road, beach,woods, but i could never do anything about it i would just freeze or just emotionally leave my head. even to this day i cant write everything that happened to me and i definitely cant write of spcific events its just too painful.
the day i spoke to my mate i only told him that 1 male had behaved inappropriatly in the way he looked etc. week by week i gradually told him more and more. as i trusted him more he knew more he still doesnt know who,no one does and never will but i have my reasons for that. this mate of mine taught me so much he stopped me from killing myself, he taught me to trust, he made me see sence and helped me through the darkestyears of my life and i am truely grateful for this man with out i wud be nothing andthen my abusers would have won. but i trusted him enough to make it stop and get me out the other side. i hate the men for what they did but that was 18 years ago now and they may have take my childhood but they arent taking my future.




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Child Abuse Story From Liza

by Liza
(Location Undisclosed)

when i was 9 years old,my parents were never really around so they didn't keep track of me and my brothers.My mom worked 2 jobs to pay the rent,while my dad would waste all her money on liquor.My dad would beat us mostly every day, over any little thing. One day my friend and i went to the park,a couple blocks away from our house.it started to get dark so we walked back. On our way back a cop car pulled next to us and offered us a ride home.My friend didn't want to get in but i did.We got in and they drove us into a alley and raped both of us.they made me watch while they raped her and then it was my turn.We tried to tell our parents,but they didn't believe us.my dad a year later started to sexually abuse me. he made me do stuff and he did stuff to me. i haven't told anyone else because i know they wont believe me. I'm 16 years old.




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Child Abuse Story From V

by V
(Ontario, Canada)

When I was 6 years old my father began sexually abusing me. This continued until I was almost 8 years of age. It was a regular occurance, and at any opportunity he had he would climb into my bed in the middle of the night, take me to an attic during lunch hour if no one was home, or be as bold as to perform his abuse in living rooms, vehicles, and other places if he felt no one would notice. I became accustomed to the abuse and when it ended I would put my clothes back on and skip off to school with the 25 cents provided to "not tell any anyone"...I developed an uncanny ability to "shut-off" any feelings, emotions, to any event within seconds. Unfortunatly this stayed with me throughout my life, and its not exactly a desired attribute when it came to my dealing with marriage and child issues in my adult life...but continueing with my story...so just before my 8th b-day, I confided in my mother what had been transpiring. She calmly asked me about the abuse, sent me to my aunts house for the night, and waited for my father to return from his night shift. She called the police before he returned and told them that if they where not at the home before he got there...she would kill him...(so I'm told)..anyways, the next day I was taken to the hospital when I had the most invasive usual physical exam..and it was confirmed that yes...I had been violated. then in a weird twist of fate...within 2 months, my mother and father were back to living together...6 moths later they where expecting my baby brother, and the actual wedding between them took place exactly 1 year and 2 weeks after the report of abuse. My father explained that he was very wrong for what he did and we never spoke of it again...I moved out at 15, and only twice between the time I was 8-10 did he ever try advancing himself on me...(with no luck as I quickly scurried to another room)...anyways, it was only within the past 4 months that I began to inquiry the magical question...WHY? how did my mother stay with him?!?! She had just left him and moved in with me, and it was the first time in 15 years that we really spoke...and the first time in 25 years that we actually spoke of the "incidents"...I would not give her any details however she told me that he told her that he "brushed up" against me" about 10 times inappropriately...but that was it, (which yes I know still would still have been bad) but to think that he had abused me to the extent of EVERYTHING other then full penetration...I was completely enraged at his limit of admittance. I requested a copy of the Childrens Aid reports from then, as they where immediately involved, and when I received them I was even more enraged. I explained that although they had confirmation from the hospital and the police investigation acknowledged that I was in fact molested, the police felt that he could seek help, and that due to the fact that he COMPLETELY DENIED the "allegations", and my mother refused to let anyone speak to me in detail in fear that I would have to "re-live" the ordeal, they had no choice but to close the case.

My husband and I read the report together...and he said it..."you need to report this"..."start dealing with it", and pointed out that I never dealt with my feelings, I have been on prescribed meds for sleeping for 10 years, and still feel nothing in terms of connecting emotionally with anyone.

I suppose this is where my story becomes conflicting for me...I went to the police station and filed my report. The investigation has begun, I told my story in detail for the first time in my life in great detail to the sex crimes unit, for my video statement in the event that he is charged, (investigation takes weeks before they will proceed, however, I'm told he will not be released on bail once he is charged), my "baby brother" has claimed that I'm just a liar and his father would never do such a thing and has completely banished me from his life, and I fear that I'm opening Pandora's box because for the first time in my adult life I have confronted my demons and past, and can finally determine exactly why have never been able to have my husband of almost 15 years kiss me. I have drugged up so many memories that I can't turn them off. From the moment I left the police interview room I knew I was not going to be the same. The interview took 5 hours, and I remember about an hour of it, but the special unit's officer explained that during my interview I was in a fetal position, and that my body had been actually reliving the events...i suppose that little box I ever so neatly kept tied and locked, was alot fuller then I ever imagined. I wonder, am I wrong for reporting him? Should I have left it alone? How can I feel so many emotions ranging from fear, pity, remorse, rage, hate, and hurt all in one foul swoop? Is it really better to feel than not? I sure don't feel like I have begun the healing process,..I suppose the key word there is exactly that ..."feel"...which is something I'm really not accustomed too. who ever would have imagined that me, the full time accountant, part time model, mother of 3 teens, wife, and friend of many, (all by the age of 34), has really never felt a real emotion.

I hope this journey will be one that becomes a positive one...I have, since a child, always put things into a positive perspective and always took great pride in myself for the ability to forgive so easily and accept that sometimes good people do bad things...NOW?...I don't have that pride, I feel hate, anger and anything but forgiveness, I feel betrayed, although my life was a lie, and even worse, I now have to learn to handle emotional turmoil without crashing and burning. I pray I succeed.




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Child Abuse Story From Nick C

by Nick C
(Pennsylvania, USA)

i f***ing hate my family. my dad has nothing good to say to me, if i f***ing act like myself, he complains. if i don't act like his perfect child he bitches. that's all he does. he drinks, alot. i think that's why. he keeps a bottle of vodka behind his bed, so I don't f***ing steal it. it's like, i'm insecure because he judges me alot. i'm fat (i guess) and he has to point it out to me. he doesn't get me. he doesn't understand i have feelings. he calls me a sissy, or a pussy, when he makes fun of me. he doesn't understand i don't understand school. and he refuses to encourage me with school. i ate a cheeto and he told me to stop being a pig. he thinks i'm gay, and he won't accept a son who's gay. f**k, why would he? he's soooo perfect. if i try to help myself, and it involves the computer he won't let me, cuz that's limit testing. god f***ing forbid. he came into the house (they work right next door) and was just being a jerk. so i got upset and started crying a little. my sister went over and returned like 5 minutes later and said he said he was sorry. i tld her i don't care, then he walked over and said hmm? LIKE IT'S ANY OF YOUR MOTHERF***ING BUISNESS A**F**K. and i said nothing, well that wasn't good enough so he made me tell him. then he sais he didn't say that and wasn't sorry. i started bawling at that point. my mom came home and i said he was being an a**hole. he heard me and like tried hitting me. my mom stopped him though. i cried for an hour. my mom isn't muchbetter. she thnks if it isn't perfect it isn't good enough. she always talks ina nasty voice, over everything. and since my grades are bad, she took my phone. if i ask her to text my friends to see if they can come over or something, shesays she will but rarely does. and she acts like it's a major inconveinence. she's really just a witch. the stuff i told you happens freqently, in different forms.




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Child Abuse Story From Tilly

by Tilly
(Location Undisclosed)

I know now that I am 16 that it wasn't love it was molestation. When I was 11 I used to have a friend the same age in my apartment complex. She would only come visit her father who lived in the complex every other weekend. I have and always will be over weight and I think it was my low self esteem brought on by the constant taunting of my brothers and other kids in school that helped her father start the relationship with me. It started off with him telling me I was beautiful and how boys my age can't see it but one day they would see it. His hugs were very affectionate. They felt good. When the kissing started it made me feel all grown up and better than all the other girls because here is a grown man who says he's in love with me. He was always gentle and sweet with me. My friend never knew what her father and I was doing after she went to sleep when we had sleep overs. Just before I turned 12 my friends weekends got switched around for some reason but I never told my mother, she was usually too drunk to notice much as it was. So I went to stay with him with it being just us two. He had sex with me that night. I gave it willingly. After he said we would be together for ever and he would wait for me to turn 18 and marry me. Here I was turning 12 always told I was fat and ugly and that i'd never have a boyfriend being told that I was loved and wanted. From then on anything he wanted I would do. He started video taping me doing different things by myself and with him. Then with his dog. I started to just zone out and do exactly what he said. Like a robot programed to do everything his sick mind could think of. Around 13 he started having other men come over and sometimes they would both do things to me. I believe he was being paid by these men for the use of me. A few months after I turned 14 a 13 year old girl from my complex got pregnant and he turned out to be the father. He went to prison and I am not allowed to write him. I am now very confused I know I supposed to hate him but I don't.




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Child Abuse Story From Eleanor

by Eleanor
(Calgary, Alberta, Canada)

When I was 6 yrs old, I was abused by a neighbour. He would take me for ice cream to the drugstore almost every day, and then he would walk me into his garage. He would sit in a rocking chair, lean over and take my slacks and panties off and pull me onto his lap. He pushed me so that my face was towards his legs and feet. Then he would rub my genitals.Sometimes he just put his hand down my pants and rubbed me and hummed. He did this to me for 3 yrs and he told me not to tell or there would be no more trips to the drugstore.




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Child Abuse Story From Nadia

by Nadia
(Location Undisclosed)

im 13 and i an a victim of child abuse. its been going on for the longest time. every time my parents would fight (which would be 5 or 6 times a week) my mom always blamed me. she would call me every name in the book.
she would stand there make me feel so worthless most of the time i didnt feel like living. almost every night i cry my self to sleep wishing that it would just end .i was so scared of telling anyone. everyone thinks my mom is this really nice person but to me shes like another person. i told my best friend but she just told me to ignore her.
until a few weeks ago it got really bad she had gotten in to a bad fight with my dad and when he left she threw me across the floor and put her hands around my neck. i wanted to yell so badly but i was so scared. i couldnt breathe. tears were running down my face. she finally let go. i feel and just layed their trying to catch my breath she just looked at me with disgust. i have tryed to take my life a few times but have failed. im not the kind of the girl who uses drugs but thats the only way i can get through the day. everyday when i go to school i have to put on an act to pretend that everything is okay. till this day this continues to happen to me. i have the biggest fear of what my sibling would say if i told and my mom would be in trouble. i thought of running away but dont of a fear of what would happen if she ever found me. I feel like no one knows what im going through like i have no one to talk to.




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Child Abuse Story From Aaron

by Aaron
(Location Undisclosed)

It started happening when i was about 6. My dad come in to say goodnight, and he would take my hands and wrap them to the headboard, and rape me every night until i turned 9 and realized it was wrong. I told him i didnt wanna do it anymore, but he continued to come in only when i was asleep, which made it all the more worse! I have a little sister who is now 8 and i made sure he never touched her or treated her the way he did me. It made me feel like slim, and i would go to school everyday and stay to myself, blocking out all the teachers, and the children who wanted to help. i am now 17 and after the 4th year of my dad raping me, i stood up for myself, and he started abusing me physically, and then i had to go through the trouble of covering the bruises so i could protect my sister. I felt so trapped, and i still do, because this is still happening, everyday, i still hide myself from the world, but someone i trust does know about this situation, and she is trying to help me the best she can without letting the secret out, because i think it will just make the problem much much worse, and for my sister's sake i can't do that. She needs me, and i will be raped everyday until i can take her away from this place, and give her a better future where she doesnt have to hear me being abused.




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Child Abuse Story From Louisa

by Louisa
(Location Undisclosed)

I am currently 12 years old. My mom treats me completely differently than my two other sisters. Since I'm the middle sister, i dont have an excuse to be treated with respect at all. My little sister always gets out of trouble because she is the youngest. When no witnesses or anyone is around she starts calling me fat, ugly, mean. etc...My older sister is always appreciated around adults. All adults actually think that she's an angel, even though in reality she verbally abuses me, screams to me, and would aggressively run after me. My mom has only told all relatives the bad sides of me, that arent usually even true. When i was about 7 i accidentally broke a expensive tea cup or so, then she ran towards me screaming, and started hitting, slapping and kicking me. I ran to my room but she came after me and i was scared. She had me stay in my room for hours and hours. Since then i've always been a little scared not to get her too upset, but she still screams at me for no special reason. Now once i tried to talk back at her, by standing up for myself, but she just started screaming at me and calling me retarded. I know many other people are dealing with bigger family issues but this is bothering me. The only thing i wish is to move out, and not see my mother again. Thanks.




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Child Abuse Story From Ytel

by Ytel
(North Carolina, USA)

when i was six my parents left me and my older sister with my grandparents due to a job. all i remember was my sister had fallen off a tree and had to go to the hospital, i was left alone with my soo called grandfather, i remember crying and begging not to be left alone i was dying of fear but they still left, i fell asleep crying and he woke me up, i blocked everything that he did to me for years im still having trouble remembering what all happened exactly and if it happened more then once, ive had trouble sleeping for years, because at times i have flash bk of what happened to me as a kid,all this years i hated my sister because i blamed her for me staying there alone ,i hated my parents for leaving me i hated my family because till this day hes here and no one has the guts to confront him ...he abused his own daughters and they kept it a secret he molested my cousin and raped me.i don't know how to get over this im a coward just like them but i love my father to much to see him hurt and know that his own father is scum, my dad has no fault and i would hate to not be believed i couldn't bear to see my father hate me for any reason, i feel numb inside,i have anger,resentment i am 22 yrs old now and i feel at times like i cant even bear to wake up, this is not always only when i get bad flash bks,my onli hope is god, to help me threw this, because i feel like im slowly dying inside




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Child Abuse Story From Victoria W

by Victoria W
(Location Undisclosed)

My story isnt as bad as most of the stories but i really need to tell it. since i can remember my grandpa had touched me innaproprietly and it didnt hurt but it kinda felt good so as time went on he made it go farther and farther. it started to hurt i would say ouch but he wouldnt stop i wanted to tell but he said if i told he would hurt my grandma. so i continued to let it go on not knowing that what he was doing could feel good i expected more than just when my grandma was gone. eventually i started to see that it wasnt ok for me to want that. so i started to date older men my first boyfriend was when i was about 6 or 7 and he was a virgin about 4 years older than me i started to tell him that i wanted him. he didnt know what i meant so i started to show him what i meant. hes 18 now and has an STD so im glad i stopped doing that at 10 years old im 14 and still feel the need for sex but cant handle the stress anymore. so I started to have long distance relationships always ended in pain but it was all ok i always ended up cheating on them with someone close to me like the 18 year old but it was never bad i said i loved him but that was just my way of getting what i wanted.




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Child Abuse Story From Alyssia

by Allie S
(Sudbury, Canada )

When I was 2 my mom had started hitting me and sending me to daycare with bruises and they acused her of hitting me... So she removed me from that daycare and placed me in a free one just over the train tracks. When I turned 3 while walking over the train tracks her and her boyfriend decided to leave me behind. My daycare worker ran out and got my off the tracks and called the Childrens aid society. I was placed in foster care. I didn't quite like it there because of my autism and epilepsy. In a way I was very taken care of but I like being the center of attention. By the time I was 5 I was back at home with my mom and her new boyfriend. The hitting continued till I turned 7 then my step dad took a special interest in me. It started out at night he would lay in my bed til I fell asleep then it turned into him touching me in my private areas. This continued for a long time and I tried telling my mom about it and she called me a liar and kicked me out. So I walked over the track to see C--- at my old daycare. I stayed with her until everyone was gone then she asked me what I thought we should do... She gave me 3 choices; 1. Go spend the night at her house and call childrens aid tomorrow morning. 2. Call Childrens aid now or 3. Have a sleepover at the daycare were I felt the safest. So me and her two girls slept a the daycare. Her kids took the sleep room and she and I took the living room. She held me all night. But I couldnt fall asleep because I kept thinking of what had been happening to me. All night I kept repeating "its all my fault if only I would've stop him when it was under control-ish." but I didn't and everything happens for a reason. This time I was not sure of the reason. That morning she took her kids to school and left me and told me that if anyone comes in to run to the living room and lock the door (at daycare). Unfortunately my mom was too quick and grabbed me tightly by the arm leaving huge gashes. Just as she was throwing me into the car C--- drove up, and without thinking twice hit the front of my moms car. She let me out and told me to go call 911 and tell them to hurry and get here. They got here and said that legally I had to go home with her. The sexual abuse has continiued till I turned 14 and I had went to a Christian camp. I met lots of people who encouraged me to speak up for myself. The one girl, L--- who at the time was 19 was the one I had a speacial intrest in and while I laid on her bed at camp after supper, head on her lap, told her everything. The hitting, the touching and the names I've been called. So she decided this was quite severe and called her boss to come and then he Childrens aid society and told them everything. At the end of the week we were told that there was no proof. So this continued until November 5th 2009. On that cooled night I was brought out to a foster home. This home was very good to me and always treated me like their real family. I spent 3 months with them. And on febewery 5th I was brought home. I'm now 16 and the abuse is still going on but at my school I have a extraordinary support team that consists of my French teacher Madame S and my few close friends. When I turn 18 my French teacher has decided that since she has no kids and three spare rooms that I could move in with her and she also said she would pay my college and university funds so that I can get my dream job as a French teacher myself. I still have 2 years to go but I've already moved some things like my scrapbook stuff and random boxes I had in my basement. At her house my room is aqua blue with flower and leaves all around then on one side (in front of my bed) I have a wall cover with all my friends pictures and even some of the foster home. They all go around my television. Im just lucky to have such loving people around to stick up for me and love me!!!!!




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Child Abuse Story From Andrew G

by Andrew G
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was a kid I was abused sexually by a man and a woman. I've battled depression on and off since I was 14 and now I'm 20. Nowadays I feel completely lost. I don't really care about anything anymore. My best friend killed herself about two months ago and I think it's been causing me to get worse. I sometimes hear her voice and see her and have conversations with her. I feel like a crazy person when it happens. I have been having these horrible flashbacks of what happened to me more frequently. I've started to self harm again. Everyday I have these suicidal thoughts that fill my mind and I'm finding it hard to stop them. I'm in college now and I really don't want to fail because I'm paying for it. Whenever I'm in class I space out and find myself not caring about the subject. Something I just started doing that helps me calm down is picturing other people getting hurt in my mind. It sometimes calms me down and makes me feel better until later when I think about it and feel like a horrible person. Two weeks ago I almost committed suicide, I wrote a goodbye letter and was ready to take about 30 pills. I know this is probably not making any sense and seems like random thoughts put together but I feel completely lost and I'm scared what I'll do one day when I've lost control of myself.




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Child Abuse Story From Ashley

by Ashley
(Canada)

i kept geting told that i needed to keep it a secret,my dad wouldnt let me tell anybody that he was sexually abuseing me. at first he just brushed up against me, i didnt think much of it. then it started happening more often. one night he woke me up in the middle of the night and asked me if i had to go to the bathroom, i told him that i did not have to go, he tole me that i should try to go because i would wet my bed if i didnt go, so i got up and went to the bathroom, it was really wierd because he followed me into the bathroom and closed the door and he locked it. he started toching me and it felt good. but i would never admit it. then he started telling me what the boys shouldnt do to me, he showed me with mine and his body. then one day he came into my room and had sex with me.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Alex

by Alex
(Location Undisclosed)


Ever since day one, my mother tried to force religious ideas down my throat. Eventually I did the normal kid thing, and rebelled. My dad often would take care of me while my mom was off somewhere(probably drinking). Then my mom took me away from north Carolina and took me 'home'. I missed my father, but she had already found a new boyfriend. I hate that son of a b***h, and I told him so to his face.
Our relationship didn't get better from there. He was a drunkie, and when he was drunk he would hit me. So I ended up basically living at my friend's house. My step dad would verbally abuse me as well. When I was 10, I got raped. I could go into detail. I remember everything about that night. But I don't want to; the nightmares are enough! I started drinking, heavily, often passing out on the couch after vomiting up my lunch. My parents were too drunk to notice the supply of beer depleting by a can, or two, or a six pack. So on and so forth. I found a smoldering cigarette, not completely burnt away. I took a drag. And another. Before I knew it, I was 'throwing' out 'empty' cigarette packs. They never noticed.
When I was 12, I met this girl, J---. She's dead now. She commited suicide. She hung herself.
I felt so alone, trapped in a poisonous, twisted cage.
I tried telling my mom about the rape but she told me that boys don't get raped.
Mom told me that I was worthless, then proceded to smash me into the wall. It hurt, a lot.
My leg made a weird noise as she hit me, and a sharp, bruning pain seared through my leg. A soft pop, and then pain. A shocked scream, a grunt of anger. A desperate cry, blood smeared on the wall. She took me to the doctor, explaining that she didn't know what happened, all the while glaring at me to keep quiet.
So I had to take pills, I fell into a depression, because I felt completely and utterly alone. My own f***ing MOTHER didn't love me. No one liked me. So I tried going the way J--- did but I was caught in time. Then, with that out, I flushed my daily dose of pills down the toilet.
Increasingly, it hurt more and more. Soon I started coughing, then came the sudden bouts of vomiting and nausea.
As I got worse, the better I felt. Like I was going to end my nightmare. But it didn't work out that way.
Instead I spent a fair quantity of time in the hospital. ICU. Of course it was fun. Wouldn't you think so too? Not having your parents show up, biological or other wise, your only companion being your best friend who your feelings towards you can't understand.
The only person fighting for you is that one person. Even the doctors don't think you'll make it.
So when that happens, you pretty much either die or turn around. So I tried to quit smoking( it's f***ing hard!) and quit drinking.
A long multitude of sleepless nights ensued, and I watched my grades plummet
My &8!**^%$# mother didn't even care about me.
When I was told about my deadline, my mom then proceeded to smile and laugh and called up all of her friends. She showed no signs of grief. I had another drink that night. But that one drink turned into me blowing through four cans.
I wanted to be an author. I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted a lot of things that I'm never going to get.
But most of all, I wanted to live.
I love my best friend. I know I sound like all teenagers, but I do love her. And I know she loves me too. I hate how this is going to hurt her.
I wanted to have a family. I wanted to play soccer, karate, act, fencing, name it. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to live without fear of today being my last. I wanted a life. A choice. All I wanted was to have a loving family, was that too much to ask? But no. I got stuck with my mom. Beggars can't be choosers. I most certainly wasn't in on the decision. I'm starting to think that there is no God. Why would He let children be abused, let evil run rampant? They say God is good, and all seeing, and omnipresent. They also say that evil is a lack of God And if evil is a lack of God, then God is not omnipresent.
Sometimes I wonder why life goes on. I wonder what will happen after I die. I hope that my step dad gets arrested for child abuse. I hope that my real dad would be saddened by my death. It sounds horrible, but I hope a lot of people are saddened by my death.
I like drawing, writing, soccer, video games, music, acting, fencing, and karate. When life was simpler I would play imaginary games, and pretend to be someone else, if only for a while. I loved to read, I could leave this dusty place and go to a place where life is beautiful and parents care.
I fear being forgotten. I don't fear death, I only fear the uncertainty. I dislike not knowing when. I always liked routine, regular things. It was something to rely on.
I've been diagnosed with mild paranoia issues, mild anxiety, ADD, clinical depression, and anorexia nervosa.
Yes, I know: Guys don't get eating disorders, that it's all girls... Blah blah blah, that crap; That's not true, guys do too. I did. but my &*%$&*&*# mother didn't think so, and I was found out by my friend. Not my 'caring' mother.
I'm afraid of my mother.
My friend has been through it all with me. She was the one who found out my drinking and smoking. She was the one who saved me before I hung myself. L--- was my anchor, and my best friend. She was my sister in every way except blood.
I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to die, for Christ's sake!
Recently, I've started cutting. Actually, on the 1st of January to be exact. A new year, a new way to screw up my already f***ed up life. I have 16 marks. 4 are very recent. As in yesterday.
You asked for it all. I showed it all. I slit open my heart again, and showed you the twisted contents.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Caitlynn

by Caitlynn
(USA)

Sexual abuse: 
I was 5 going on 6 when it happened. My parents fostered kids and we had 2 siblings who where D**** & T*****. he shared the upstairs with my older brother who 9 at the time and D**** was 13. Well while their was a babysitter or my parents wernt home he invited me upstairs for a "tickle party" but he was really taking me upstairs to have intercourse with me. When we got upstairs he started tickling me but then he went up my shirt and i asked him what he was doing and he started pulling my shirt up and pants down and he told me this was our little secret game that know one could know about. it started getting worse when he started touching my girl part and he told me to touch his penis
and i didnt know what i was doing so i said ok and i told him i was going to tell my mom but he said no and he said if i do he going to hurt me and my family.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From ZP

by ZP
(Location Undisclosed)

The story of my abuse begins when I was only 5 years old. I was living in a rural area with only a few neighbors. One of our neighbors had few kids. One of those kids was my age and another was a few years older then me. My mind has sealed a lot of this off so my memories of this are weak and incomplete but when my friend left the room we were hanging out in his older brother took me behind the couch and molested me. The details on the actual event are probably the least vague but but I do remember taking off my clothes for him. It was a single isolated incident, from him, as far as I can remember. My father was in the Army so maybe we moved shortly after we; we only lived there for about a year.

From then as a child I would have strange sexual urges that were homosexual in nature. I believe I was repeating some of the events that happened behind the couch. Whats worse is that I could often convince my peers into doing some of these things with me. This continued until I was about 13 years old. At this point I would have another incident with someone older than myself. I was independent for my age and would often go many places by myself. As such I would occasionally hit up a local swimming pool for laps and general fun. I was showering one day afterwards in a public shower and there was an older man in there whom had opted to go nude. For whatever reason I was intrigued by this and the man had noticed that I might have been looking at him. He then walked over and touched me and then whispered to me that I should follow him. I wasn't really sure where we were going or what we might do when we arrived somewhere but decided to follow regardless. In hindsight, that was a poor decision. He took me into a changing booth and closed the door. He took off his towel and gestured for me to do something to his penis. I froze up. I couldn't move, I wouldn't move. I had become extremely fearful. He didn't seem interested in putting an excessive amount of effort into persuading me and re-toweled himself and left, leaving me behind. I walked home, locked myself in my room, and thought about what had happened; I become extremely depressed. It was sometime before I decided to go swimming again. Instead I began working out at the gym from time to time.

The gym was cool, I would lift small weights and use the bike machine or some other cardio device. I was sort of a skinny guy and wanted to beef up a bit. I used the bathroom in the shower room, a urinal with no dividers for privacy. I know at this point your thinking lightning never strikes twice but it will and did in my life. An older man, a different person then the man at the pool used the urinal next to me and when he was done he moved to the stall directly behind me but left the door open and even though I hadn't turned to check I could tell something was off. I then chose to look; he was masturbating while looking at me from behind. He gestured me to join him and shut the door behind us (again, hindsight bias). I wont go into the details of what happened because you, the reader,can already tell what happened and you don't need to see it written down. I had two other incidences like that with the same man, I felt he might have been stalking me. Great thing about the Army is that you move and he must have moved because he just disappeared and I never saw him again.

I changed from then on, I wanted to do the things that happened to me but not to people my age, but to those younger. I knew it was wrong and I understood that my choices could send people down the very path I had been forced to live. I looked at it like a battle with two sides; one side with those who repeated the actions, continued the cycle of previous abusers who had, in a way, trained them to do as they did - the other side with those who had been fortunate enough to be able to understand the damage done to us and possess the empathy to see the cause it could have on others.

The latter group can not merely be apathetic in my opinion, especially when they might have hurt someone previously, the peers I mentioned. I feel as if there is no such thing as redemption, I guess this is the happy part, and because I feel that I can never do enough right to correct my wrongs I have dedicated myself to bringing legitimate happiness to children and aspire to be a teacher some day (I'm still young). I have never told anyone my story but had to write it down and share it with at least one person.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Uncannyb

by Uncannnyb
(Location Undisclosed)

I survived...I think: 
The other night I received a phone call from my youngest son in California. He told me that my mother had just suffered a stroke. I have not spoken to my mother in almost seven years. I am a 54 year old male and as of late, over the past year, memories seem to be flooding back into my dreams.

Several years ago (before our estrangement) my mother admitted that when I was a toddler, a two year old, she had become extremely angry and kicked me as hard as she could. Needless to say I do not remember this incident. At the time she was a sixteen year old mother with two boys, me and my older brother.

I was shocked by her revelation. How could a grown adult do this to a small child? And why on earth would she even admit to something so heinous, and done so long ago.

There were other incidences. I remember perfectly clear in kindergarten. My mother now had six children.... and she was only twenty-two. I guess I was not holding still enough while me she combed my hair. The next thing I knew, was that she had just whacked me with a stiff bristled brush to the face. I do remember sobbing, and trying to protect myself from any further blows. The brush left my right side of the face bruised and bloody. Little red dots left a perfect impression of that brush.

When I got to school... my teacher singled me out. She took me to the nurse's office. They kept asking me if my mother had done this to me. I kept saying "no, I think I have the measles." For some reason I believed I would get in even more trouble if I told the truth.

The are a few dozen more stories I could tell, but really there is no sense in it. I do know, that all the way up into the 6th grade, I was terrified that my mother would walk through the classroom door, and in a fit of rage, grab me by the hair and beat the hell out of me. I always thought this was normal. I thought every other classmate imagined the same thing.

I do know that for the first two months as a newborn,I was taken away and lived with my god parents, whom I consider more of my parents than my biological parents. No one will explain this too me. Not my god parents or any other relatives. I strongly suspect my mother was abusive to me as a baby.

I just wanted to thank you for this site. And, I wanted you to know that on the page with the sketch of the young boy huddling in fear.... I simple cannot bare to look at it. I am a military veteran, and emotions do not come easy for me...and yet my eyes are filled to overflowing when I glance at that child.

I'm not sure how this came out.... but thank you again for letting me vent. I survived...I think.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Mariana For My Fiance

by Mariana
(Location Undisclosed)

I was never abused this is for my fiance A---. He was abused badly as a child. He was a child of rape, his Dad is also his grandfather. His Mom hated him and tried to drown him when he was born, his grandmother stopped her and left him with his cold-hearted b***h aunt (his Mom's older sister) because they were ashamed of him. His aunt hated him, she used to beat him for no reason and didn't take proper care of him. She didn't feed him much so he used to eat out of the trash a lot even after I gave him half my lunch everyday and he didn't have proper clothes either, they were always too small or too big and he never had a coat in the winter, everyone in school thought it was because his aunt was poor but actually she just hated him. He didn't have a proper bed either, just a mattress and an old blanket he found in the trash. He didn't have a bedtime and he could do whatever he wanted during the day as she didn't care.

I met him when I started school there when I was 5, because he was poor none of the other kids liked him but my parents taught me to be nice to others so I befriended him because he is a wonderful person. That year also, out teacher Miss D used to keep him after class for "special assignments" which was basically when she would molest him, a teacher who you're supposed to be able to trust! He says that ended when the school year ended.

By the time we were 7 we were the best of friends but for summer vacation my parents were taking me to Australia for the whole time. When I got back he was very different, he was quiet and didn't feel much like doing anything. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he'd made friends with these high school boys over the vacation and that they'd hurt him. They had actually molested him and when he said he didn't want to be friends with him they had raped him, he was 7 and those 5 sick perverts took his virginity and even worse he blamed himself, because he had wanted to be friends with them. Even now he still has trouble accepting it wasn't his fault. With his aunt constantly telling him how worthless he was it didn't help his self esteem or make it easy for him to trust people, if people were nice to him he was very suspicious of them. I didn't really understand any of this at the time of course, but I just tried to be a good friend to him.

The worst was when he was 8, nearly 9 when his aunt married this police officer, a sick excuse for a cop he was. He used to beat A---, if he was sober he'd take him outside and strip him naked them whip his back until he was covered in blood (he still has physical scars from that) then kick him to the ground and tell him he was dirt. If he was drunk then he would beat him with a nearby object until he got tired of holding it then he would beat him with his fists until his arms got tired and then he would kick him until he passed out. A cop and he still did this! His aunt didn't even care and even encouraged it. He became fearful and used to flinch at loud noises or if you tried to touch him, he was always covered in bruises even though he hid them well and he broke bones a lot too, especially his ribs and no one suspected because his uncle was a cop! He told me his uncle hit him when I asked about the bruises, I wanted to (and wish I had) tell my parents so they could help him but he said no one would believe him because his uncle was seen as this hero cop and I figured he was probably right. I still feel guilty about that but I have to remind myself we were just kids. His uncle's abuse got worse and he started abusing A--- sexually as well, I think violence turned him on as he was quite a sadistic person. He didn't tell me about it immediately but later he confided his uncle touched him, forced him to perform oral sex and raped him. His aunt knew about this too and used to laugh at him and tell him he deserved it. How can people do that to such innocent children?? It hurts them so much and the pain lasts a lifetime.
His uncle died in the line of duty when we were 14, its sickening he got a hero's funeral after he'd hurt A--- so much. The man was a monster, but at least he was gone. He was okay after that, he still had his aunt treating him like crap but it was better than having his uncle. She kicked him out literally the day he turned 18 and hasn't tried to contact him since, really she only looked after him for the welfare check although thinking about it she was probably abused sexually by her father too but that doesn't give her any excuse for how she treated A---, he deserved to be treated with dignity and respect not to abused and neglected by her.

He is still affected by the abuse though, he still finds it hard to trust people and nightmares are common, he gets flashbacks too and can't drink alcohol because the smell makes him flashback to his uncle. He has improved a lot though, for ages he couldn't bear to be touched even just a friendly hug and now we share the same bed, which is a big achievement for him. I love him with all my heart and am always going to be there for him, it is so wonderful to see him finding peace and being happy after all he has been through.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Brenden

by Brenden
(Location Undisclosed)

Well, i don't know where to start. I'm 16 at the moment, still going through all the abuse from my father. Since i was 7 when he adopted me, since the very first day, he's been abusing me. It started out very simple, as him coming in and making me do stuff with him, he'd tell me it was normal and all dads do this, of course, i believed him.Than he would force me to have sex with him and if i struggled or refused he would beat me. Than one day at school they talked about abuse, and i realised that he lied. It wasn't normal.I told him i knew, and it isent going to happen again but he grabbed a knife and pushed me against a wall and said if i tell anyone, he would kill me. From than on i felt as if i was dead, i didn't feel alive. I'd think about how other kids had there childhood and how unfair it was that i'll never have mine back. Every morning i would cry because of him,and every night i cried because of him, and he went on as if nothing happened. It confused me as why only me out of my 13 brothers was hurt like this. Every single mistake i made no matter how small it was, he would beat me for it, call me worthless and say i can't do anything, that i'd be better off dead,etc. All the nights I would lie awake crying in pain and fear from him, unable to move. Eventually the one person i loved, lets call him, Sam, turned on me and left me alone to fight this on my own with no one to talk to,than it got worse. I remember one time i got a B on a paper and my dad got so mad he nearly killed me and i spent a week in the hospital from it. I'm still dealing with this from him. Every second of every hour of every day I live in fear of making any mistakes,this endless pain. I'll never hate him though, i'll always forgive him everytime, because i love him, even though he tried his hardest to brake me down. Sometimes if feels as if there is no hope at all, but i'll never give up, ever. No matter how bad it gets, you can't let them win. All of us will have something the people who did this to us never had. A heart. Keep fighting.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From CJ

by CJ
(Location Undisclosed)

it began when i was 7. i was a tomboy to the max. i hated things like dreses and dolls instead i loved bikes climbing and fishing. my best freind was a neibor boy named t--- he one day said i like how you do boy stuff but your a girl that is just cool. i laughed. we always swam in the lake and rode bikes together.one day we were swimming and i got out to rest soon so did he. he asked me to be his girlfreind, i was 7 so i didn't know what that meant.being the same age neither did he.he said it meant we could hold hands and he could kiss my cheek. i went home and exclaimed to my mom that t--- was my boyfreind and told her what he said it meant. my mom was and still is a very easy going person. her response was aww thats sooo cute. i shruged and walked away. her boyfreind s--- was nice to us kids but kinda strange always staring at me or accidentaly walking in on me when i showered but i simply ignored it. one day it was hot and t--- was staying the weekend while his and my mother visited some freinds s--- said we should go in his room were it was cooler. t--- and i watched cartoons while s--- looked around in the closet. he pulled out his new camera. he asked if we wanted to make a movie. cool yeh!we said we danced and make silly faces ."kiss your girlfreind t---" s--- instucted. t--- tackled me to the floor and kissed my cheek while he laughed and chanted,germs! germs! germs! i laughed and yelled cooties oh no! then it got strange. s--- told me i should take off my shirt like t--- had and told me it was ok and i'd feel cooler. so thinking s--- was right i did. then s--- told t--- to kiss my mouth like on tv. when we asked why he told us it was a special game boyfreids and girlfreinds played. t--- pecked my lips and giggled. he then told t--- to hug me while we kissed so we did. then he told us to sit on the bed. when we did he asked if we knew why boys and girls were diffent. we both said no. he then told me since i was his girl freind i should let t--- see me without my clothes. he then quickly informed me thats what grown ups do. and he said it would make him happy. i wanted to please s--- who was pretty much my father so i did t--- stared in horror and gasped. " somebody took your weiner"he said i looked down "my what" i asked.s--- then told t--- he should take his clothes off to so i wouldn't be embarassed. he did. i'd never seen a boy without clothes either and i was horrified as he was. i gasped. s--- then explained to us both what we were seeing. s--- sat on the edge of the bed and told t--- he was going to teach him how to have sex with a girl. he then undressed himself. i was shocked and turned away t--- did the same. it's ok s--- stroking my hair t--- watched with a confused look on his face.s--- rubbed something cold and slipery on my privates and tried to penatrate me. it was painful and i strugled not to cry. your huting her!t--- yelled pulling at s---. s--- stopped an looked at him. your right bud he said. he told t--- to try it. it won't hurt if you do it he told t---. t--- awkwardly moved on top of me a few times and stopped. s--- then made me touch his privates while he harshly rubbed mine when i started to cry in pain again he told t--- and i to do it to each other. i was sore an started to whine i didn't want to play anymore. he said if we didn't then he would spank me with his belt. s--- wouldn't hit another persons child but t--- still cried and begged s--- not to hit me. t--- sighed in defeat wisperd he was sorry and started to do as s--- said i did also. after s--- told us to go take a bath. he ran the water and put us both into the tub.he washed us saying what a "cool" guy t--- was. telling me how tough i was trying to make us feel better. he them made us sleep together. that night t--- hugged me and cried and sobbed as he said he was sorry. i told him it wasn't his fault. the next day was worse as s--- did the same thing only this time he tried to penatrate me again it hurt so bad i bit him to make him stop. he picked up hisbelt and beat me for it. t--- tried to stop him so he locked him in the closet until he finished. that night i remember t--- saying tomorow we need to tell our moms about s---. i agreed. the next day when our moms came back we ran to them my mom kissed my face and t--- was in his moms arms wispering in her ear we sat in the kitchen when s--- left for work. i sat nodding as t--- told what happened. his mom was horrified my mom just stared at me and said. are you sure. look at his camera t--- said. my mom left into the room and apeared taking his mom into the room. the tape proved it all. his mom held him as did mine me. we turned the tape into the police who told them to take us to be examined t--- sat answering questions like a little grown man. i however put my thumb in my mouth and cried while examined. my mother sobbed as she looked at the bruises on me.i heard t--- saying see! see what that stupid jerk did to cj! s--- was convicted on several felonis includind underage pornography found on his computer and is seving 20 to 45 years in prison. i got counsaling as did t--- who is still my freind and lives in the same town i see him everyday and he is kinda my big scary bodygaurd guy. but he will always be my best freind. what happened was not his or my doing and we now understand that. sometimes there is darkness before light and my life is proof of that. thanks for listening.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From LCC

by LCC
(Detroit, Michigan, USA)

Betrayal of Innocence: 
I never declined, when my brother (6yrs older than me) molested me. I never decined, when he wanted oral sex. i never declined, when we dry humped each other and made out with each other. i knew it was wrong but i was getting rewarded with food or in better words manipulated. i was young when the touching began. he was even younger when he was raped by his mothers's boyfriend. we were pretty much f***ed up in the head. but when i told on him i got a counselor. i hated it. it felt like she was just like a tedious child wanting to know every detail about everything. i didnt like her because she told my parents everything i said while we held private conversations then she promised she wouldnt tell, a liar. i was confused . and didnt want to speak of the disgusting past with anyone. i've matured since then but im only 14yrs old and still wonder why i dont suffer from the abuse. maybe its the incest nightmares i have or the uncomfortable feeling i get when im around other men in my family. no one has never known how i've been feeling years after the molestation besides you and God. i dont like to talk to my parents about it they dont have answers and then its just awkward. so since i have no one to talk to i've decided to share my story with strangers around the world. and if you,reader, has been through or experinced similar with what i have, please leave a comment or suggestion. thank you!




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Child Abuse Story From Kella

by Kella
(Singapore)

I'm 19 going 20 from Asia, Singapore. I'm an unloved and outcast child since I was about six. Getting neglected and emotionally abused by my parents and all relatives. Child Abuse case rarely happens in Singapore, so when anyone who know this happened to me, overlooked it. My mom is abused since young, so she doesn't make big deal and trying to stop this or comfort me, even though she saw it in front her eyes. She dresses me in very normal or tomboyishly instead of beautiful Barbie princess dresses or anything for a little girl. My father always work, so he doesn't really know this. I'm not close to him. When I was five, he shouted and beat me up everytime while teaching me homework because he expect me to learn fast. From that onwards, I'm rather afraid of him and kept and hid my homework away from him. I even begged my mom not to let him know, but there are many times my mom sided others rather than me! I'm very scared in my heart. My dad has three elder sisters. The two oldest were not very mean to me. As for my youngest aunt, A--, she humilated, frightened and yelled at me for nothing always when she saw me. Even worst, after my cousin was born. Everyone loved her even till now! She snatched everything from me including my toys. Whenever she done wrong, A-- scolded her a bit for her mistakes, and after that she would console and hug her daughter. Plus, my own mom would always comfort her after that too! When I did or did not do wrong, or get sabotaged by my cousin, A-- would make sure I get a good scolding with no one helping me afterwards, and after that my mom would tell me, "You deserved it, and I totally agreed with your aunt." After that, my cousin would come start laughing at me and get me into more trouble. My cousin is a spoiled brat and a rival of mine from adult's attention, even though she's only my cousin. Just because they think I'm older than her, I don't deserve any love! When I was 8, I brought sweets home from school, when A-- sees it she screamed at me with her loudest voice. I got startled and she said, "Why didn't you give some to your "sister"? You want a beating!" It's okay, I give some to my cousin. And when I go back to my room, after I closed my door, I can hear my aunt saying to her, "Next time if we buy candies, do not share with her." Well, I was hurt in my room. But I overlooked it after that. A few days later, when we are talking about ballet, me and cousin wanted to take part in it, my aunt insulted me "You? Oh my, look at your figure! You are so tall and fat! Stay out of this, it's only for your cousin."

When I was 9, I developed serious acne problem, my aunt dislike me even more and hide many food away from me. She would always treat me as an adult then, even though I'm a child. She never talk nicely or softly to me at all, she called me an adult and said that I'm not a child. In everybody's mind, I don't have any childhood. Nobody even gave me a hug before, including my parents, a HUG! No. I wore adult's clothes even though they don't seems to fit or match me. I don't mind. I try to live my wretched life to the fullest, with scolding and cursing from my aunt everytime she sees me. And sometimes even getting locked in a small empty room. When I was going 10, my cousin swaddled over my back and wants me to take her on the back. I told cousin to get down as I'm losing balance, she didn't want to. Alas, she fell off and bumped her head and cried loudly. After that, her mom and my mom came in and without waiting to hear me out, I got a black eye from my aunt. My mom then blames me for that too. When I was 15, my mom left me in A--'s care at her house. Knowing my incapability to cook, she did it herself. She cooked a dish that she and her daughter loves, while ignoring a guest like me. Even worst, I'm allergic to the food! Though I tried to finish it without any complaints. I ate too slowly, she sarcastically asked, "How is it? Nice?" I answered, "Yes." She replied, "Then why are you eating so slowly as if it sucks?" I then told her everything honestly. Before I even finished talking, she yelled at me and then cursed me with lots of bad languages and words and names. Finally she said, "You better be ready because I'll be cooking this for dinner again later!" I ran to one of her room and cry my heart out. I can't leave the house to have meals, since she kept the key from me. Two years ago, my dad skipped jobs, had a woman outside, he dumped us in the house and brought all the money we have and left to Philipines without any notes. When he came back, he looked dull. After a few days, he threatened to kill me and my mom if we don't give him our money. I told him I will call the police. After that he stopped. My mom doesn't really care and continue her life. I'm afraid I might lose my parents. Up to last year, finally, my parents divorced. And still, my mom doesn't care for me or even chat with me. Sometimes she even leave the house without any notice and be back in many days after. I spend most of my life alone, all my friends doesn't want to hang out with me because of my immaturity. They find me outdated around them and will push me around. As an abused child, when I look at other children playing or having fun with their parents or getting carried around, I'm very jealous and envious of them. It's not like I want to harm them or anything. I could never harm people, and it makes me angry when I see a child whose been attacked or abused in some way. And I hate some adults too, I really don't know why. I'm stuck in a difficult situation. When I shared this to a 20-year-old friend and told her about my mom, she only ask me to stay strong. But, won't it be too mean and unfair towards an abused girl like me? I'm already a half-orphan, I need a mother figure and a mother's love. When i told my friend that she left me randomly, she said my mom's already considered nice towards me as I'm already 19 or else my mom can ask me to move out. But, I'm already miserable enough, why must she talk to me this way? Because she has a good life therefore she doesn't understand me? Why does she expect me to be neglected by my mom? Does she mean that I don't even deserve a house? I expect more kind words from her! Don't tell me she will say this to other abused kids as well? Don't she think that we deserved more than that? Well, maybe that's Singaporean style. Another thing of me, A few month ago my neighbor brought me to the clinics and hospitals after realising the physical, emotional and cognitive similarities of mine between 2002 and 2010. I have not been growing physically and mentally for past 9 years. I remain as an 11-year-old girl on the outside and inside. Many people thinks that either I'm just childish, or I'm those types who just looked young on the surface while faking innocent on the inside. I'm not! I don't look young, I'm just stopped growing therefore my mind and face and body and interests are still the same as 2002, when I was a fifth grader. I'm still in puberty stage 3 now since 2002. I still dislike males, dating, porn or anything related to sex or sexual stuff. I'm totally innocent. Even if anyone teach me something new or things that are too difficult for a grade-schooler to do, I can't learn at all. No matter how many times I tried, it failed continuously. And because of this, I flunk my high school and couldn't enter college therefore couldn't look for a job. Since I stuck here, I'm considered a child, not a young adult. Though my life span is young adult, but I'm a child. Besides this, no one wants to employ a child like me. There are still lots of mean people who pushed me for adult's tasks. Doctor says no one can give me hard task or else it will cause me premature death due to stresses. But doctors are puzzled by my sympton.. They don't know what causes me to stop growing. But my symptom is mostly the same as Brooke Greenberg from USA, she remained an one-year-old despite being 18, while me being 20 chronologically this september, remained an 11-year-old. Though I'm the only one like this in Singapore. I'm an eternal child, every child is growing up but I won't. It might be, maybe it's my jealousy of the abuse that caused it but I really don't know. But for now, I can't rely on my mom. She's from very old generation. She and my dad never fulfill my emotional needs and now my mom doesn't even care at all. I'm perfectly healthy, not disabled. Just that I'm frozen in time and stopped aging. But I'm just like any normal typical pre-teens who wishes for a young mother figure of early twenties to cry on the shoulder, a hug or a maternal love and understanding my needs. But I doesn't know how to approach any of them.




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Child Abuse Story From Christina

by Christina
(Pennsylvania, USA)

I was about 7 years old. We lived with my grandmother because we couldn't afford the house we were staying at. Well, I met these two children around the corner. One girl and one boy. Let's Just say the Girl's name is "Sam" and the Boy's name is "Josh". Well when I hung out at "Sam and Josh"'s house, I would get the attention from their father. Who was around 45 and would drink a lot. He would say to me "Come sit on my lap and hug me" I would be like "Sure" So I would, Sensing nothing wrong with it. I would do it every time I went over. Because, He would drink all the time. He started to caress my back after a month or so of me sitting on his lap. Well, One night when I stayed over their house. I was awoken to the icy cold touch of his hand in my underwear. I was laying on my stomach, Thank the Lord. I felt him touching and caressing me. I tried to pretend I was sleeping, So I would cough and move around. But, alas... It didn't work. He would continue to do it. I didn't know what to do. His wife was right there. Watching T.V. as her husband was doing this to me. I tried to shake a bit so he would stop but it didn't. After that night, I told my mom the next morning. She didn't believe me. I felt so betrayed. I then became very Anti-Social and just hated everyone. As time went on, I became very depressed. I ate and ate and ate. Hoping that any boy that looked at me wouldn't find me attractive because I didn't want that attention from boys. I gained a lot of weight. I'm still big but beautiful :D. I had to take very strong anti-depressants. I am now too afraid to tell my mother, Because I don't want to feel that sense of rejection and betrayal as I did before. I cry every time I think about it. Sometimes I have terrible nightmares about it. And, I'm now 19. I have told my recent boyfriend about it. I told him It has effected me. I hate people seeing me naked. I asked him to be patient with me and he is very supportive about it, He has told me I should tell my mother. But, I don't think I can bring myself to it. And Now every time I think of "Sam" and "Josh"'s Father. I feel anger and hate. I am currently free of depression and, happy. Even though when I think of that night, I cry. But, I am currently working up the courage to tell my mother. Even, Though I am not sure they can do anything about it. But, I need to get it off my chest. I went to the doctor's and they said the reason why I had such hatred towards humans was because something traumatic happened in my childhood and, I didn't wanna say he was right in front of my mother. But, I also told my twin sister. And, She has promised to let me build up the courage to tell my mother. I know it will be hard but, I know I can do it.




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Child Abuse Story From Sarahbeth

by Sarah
(USA)

I'm 14 years old. Ever since I can remember, I've been getting hit by my parents. They do it because I move too slow, get lower than an A in school, answer questions they ask me wrong, and because I'm not pretty. I ask myself every night why they dont love me and its been getting harder and harder to take. I think about suicide almost every night and one time told a councler. She talked to my mom and convinced her nothing was going on. That night I was tied to a chair and poked with a metal spoon that was red hot. It hurt SO bad and smelled horrible. Eventually I passed out. When I woke up, my mom was crying and apologizing. She told me she loved me and that I was the best daughter in the whole world. I believed her but the hits continued. I feel so hopeless and unloved.




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Child Abuse Story From Patty

by Patricia
(West Virginia, USA)

In 1960,I was two years old and deaf. I was alone in crib everyday,sometime,I eat alone in crib and mostly milk. Sometime, I dont get eat. All day alone in my room. I dont see what world outside, look like. I was keep in the room since I was one year old unti two year old.
One day, I saw my mother bring her black bag, set on the dresser. I climb out the crib and went to the chair climb up the the dresser. I saw my self looking at the mirror, who is that? it me. I laugh at me in mirror. I look at my mother purse trying to open and I found lipstick,and I can remember my mother put on her lip. so I finially did put on my lip and my face all over red lipstick and then I look at the mirror laughing so hard and my mother hear my laughing and she came in saw me with lipstick she laugh with me it was best memroy ever had was laughing together. she call her boyfriend come to see me, and he didnt like at all, he took the belt off of him. He took me my leg and I was updown screaming and crying. He hit me with his black belt beating me on my back and my back of head, throw me agaisnt the crib rail with my head and the blood came out from my head. My mother want stop him and he wont listen.my mother is afarid of him. I been pain and blood all night. I was sleep and I woke up with fear. I still live with him and my mother since until 17 year old and got married. I been abuse since 2 and 17 rape abuse, murder. He got away from law. I keep runaway from home lot and I was keep in children home for one week and I beg them not take me back to my mother home. They didnt listen so when I was 15 year old got rape by stepdad since then It was hard no one bleieve me. got marred same abuse my husband hurt me lots 27 years. Today, I live alone, and now I am 52 year old. I am happy now free from abuse all my life. I fear for my life death or life. I am writer and I write book. Someday, to help people who been abuse. I know how hard live with abuse home.




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Child Abuse Story From Wendy

by Wendy
(California, USA)

I dont remember my childhood before 12, maybe 4 fun family things we did or a few snippets of things. Mostly I repeat stories my sisters and I share.

My mom was a drug addict bad bad drug addict, my sister says she left us with random people i dont remember that she says sometimes they were in their underwear i dont remember. The family says i was quiet and sat under tables. I do remember moving to my grandparents when I was 5? I remember my grandpa, yeah i remember spending time with him alot, i remember always being on his lap in his brown recliner with a blanket on...even in the summer he smelled like pall malls. I remember all of a sudden being 10? going to our great grandmas every weekend i mean every weekend. she had 3 rooms, i slept in his. He molested me everynight. he would leave money on the nightstand. I do remeber telling my mom twice what happend she made me go that same day anyway, for years. I remember running away getting arrested and taken to shelter, telling, going to a foster home. 2 days later told he commited suicide 4 days later back home then on meth in gangs sleeping with 100's guys in and out of jail on meth for 13 years, and found out it happend to my mom too. thanks mom I had a great life. But why cant I remember anything else what else happend? sucks when you dont have childhood memories like you never existed or your crazy its strange how the brain erases time i mean i have 12 years 99 percent gone.




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Child Abuse Story From Shanda

by Shanda
(Florida, USA)

It all started when I was 4. I walked down to my Great Aunt and Uncle's house. She wasn't home, but he was. He asked me to come inside and I did. He touched me in my private places. He said if I loved him I would never tell anyone. It didn't always happen but it went on for years. I finally told my mom why I was too afraid to sleep at night. She told my grandmother, and my other uncle who was the county sheriff at the time. And everyone decided it would be too hard on my great aunt to know the truth. She died not knowing the truth. My grandfather didn't know what was going on and we ended up moving right next door to them. He no longer touched me but every time I would go outside to play he would stand at his window with the shades open and masturbate. Even when I had friends over and everyone could see him, he would still do it. And still no one did anything. I had to see a psychologist, because I couldn't handle it. I hated myself. I hated everyone, including my family because everyone knew what was going on and no one did anything to save me. I did drugs to forget by the time I was 13. By the time I was 18 I was an alcoholic. I had tons of boyfriends looking for someone to love me. Anyone to love me, and save me. I had no friends. I had nothing. I was spiraling out of control when I met an amazing man. He introduced me to God, my true savior. He let me have his family as my own. He loved me, despite all of my problems. He helped me change my life. We have been married for almost six years now, and we have a beautiful son, and a daughter on the way. I have changed my life, but I still can't forget. All I can do is pray to God to find a way to deal. Because I love my babies so much, I can't understand why my own mother didn't love me enough to face everyone and save me.




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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

by Jennifer
(Michigan, USA)

My first sexual abuse experience was when I was about 5 or 6 years old. My parents had just moved us into a new apartment complex in the suburbs of Chicago. There was a community center with a church. One day while playing outside one of the neighbor girls came and got me and took me to an apartment. The man in the apartment was the minister of the church at the community center. He took down my pants and stuck his fingers in me and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I never said a word. The next time I remember was when I was ten and my stepfather came into my room in the middle of the night and took his clothes off and got into bed with me. He put his hands in my panties and rubbed all over me. I got up and went and got in bed with my mother. I never said anything because my stepfather would beat my mom and verbally abuse her and she was an alcoholic. I kept this incident a secret until I was 27 and my mom still didn't believe me or maybe she did. She asked him about it and he said that he didn't remember. I got pregnant for the first time when I was 16 and my stepfather made my mother take me to have an abortion while I was seven months pregnant. Horrible experience. Nothing was said about this afterward. I got pregnant again and they tried to take me to have another abortion but this time I refused (I didn't realize I could). When I went into labor with my baby...my mother dropped me off at the hospital, she wouldn't even stay with me. After the baby was born I didn't exist. I said no, they said yes. I finally got married in order to move out. They wouldn't let me leave when I was 18 with my baby, so I had to get married. I left my husband after 6 months because he was controlling. I ended up with someone I knew in high school...a drug dealer. I got into smoking marajuana and snorting and smoking cocaine and drinking. This went on for about three years. In that time we were raided for drugs and one time some guys came into my house and held guns to me and my children's heads. My children were taken from me for 6 months because of this. My daughter that I had at 16 is now 28 years old and is very much influenced by my stepfather. He has alienated her from me just like my mother did and it kills me inside.She has two little girls of her own and I am so fearful that he will do this to them. I was not his only victim...my cousin was also molested by him. My daughter knows all of this but she is in denial because he helps her financially. Two years ago I found my father and eight siblings and my daughter will not acknowledge them because of my stepfather. The cycle repeats itself once again. I don't know if he's touched my daughter, but I have my suspicions.




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Child Abuse Story From Ayase

by Ayase
(Wisconsin, USA)

A story that will cling to me all my life: 
My Child abuse must have started when i was about 12 through 16. I was Sexually assulted, negleted, and physically abused. When i was 5 years old I heard my father screaming, and i hear whacking sounds, i listened closely and realized it was the sound of skin. I got up and ran downstairs and saw my father in the living room my mother was with a belt in one hand (i know fathers do the most abusing) But my mother was a drunk, she always comes back with liqure and buys nothing else but liqure. When she's drunk no one can stop her. I saw her raising the belt again then smacked my father, reapeadedly. I lunged and grabbed the belt, but she grabbed a handful of my hair then flung me to the wall of the living room hurting my back. She had a cigarrett in her hand, their was some ash on it still. She came over, grabbed a handfull of my hair, my face was at the same level as hers and she burned my chin with the cigarrett i screamed in pain. It hurted so much i was going to cry. When she was going upstairs my father came to me saying mother had too many drinks that's all. But i knew she was abusing us, when i reached the age of 12 my mother sexually assulted me. She tied my wrist up over my head, i was fully naked, she came over me and touched my body with her fingers. I screamed at her to stop but she wouldn't listen. She licked my nipples, my navel, and neck, she went down the my manly part and putted it in her whole mouth then started to suck it, I was trying not to cry but i couldn't help it. She was sucking it harder, harder, and harder. I felt it would rip off, she then stopped then touched my legs, come up to my face and kissed me on my mouth she french kissed me. It was disturbing for me i was crying so hard, when she was done. She comes out of her abusive state and apologized for what she did, but i knew this wasn't over yet. She became drunk again, i was with my basket of laundry she had a cigarrett in hand. She did not say excuse me when she wanted to get past me. She pushed me down the stairs sending me flying down. And my baby sister saw it, i landed on the hard wood floor with pain in my chest, mother came down and turned me over unbuttoned my shirt then put the cigarrett ash in my navel it hurt! I cried out, in pain. She left, i had to get the cigarrett out of my navel and ashes my sister helped. when she touches a burned spot she goes into the kitchen grabes some ice then puts it on my bellybutton. But my mothers abuse never stopped on me, one day after school i was walking home. I opened the door, then a bag came in my head my shirt unbuttoned, my belt gone. And my wrist where tied together. I was dragged downstairs, when the bag came off i saw my mother and her friends, i was laying facedown but managed to see with my left cheek on the cold concrete basement floor. One of her friends came by me and started to take off my pants (i could see their was a video camra their) i was then placed upward my legs separated, and my mother's friend reached down and touched my manly part touching it. I wanted to get away but i was tied, i was then placed laying down my knees up in the air, i could see that my mother was opening a little shiny medicine pill. After she opened it, she came down between my manly part and butt and placed the pill inside of me. I groaned out, they laughed at me. Then my mother's friend lifted me up and touched my manly part then turned me over then touched my butt. I was in need of help luckly my father heard the laughing and came downstairs. He demanded what was going on and they replied nothing he then discovered me facing the basement floor he picked me up then took me to the living room then said that he made a call to his sister asking to take care of me. And she agreed, so by then i was packing up leaving my home so i wouldn't face my mother, but i was concered about my sister. I asked my dad if i could bring her alone with me. He agreed and we where both safe from our mother. Why did i bring my sister along? I was worried that my mother might start to abuse her too, i ddin't want to see bruises on her. So i brought her along and we are doing fine.




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Child Abuse Story From Cajmonet

by Cajmonet
(Saskatchewan, Canada)

im 14 years old and im not speaking for myself because im not abused but my three year old sister is im adopted and my sister isnt and i live in a different home than her her name is S--- my birth mom has a lot of kids but S--- has it worse than all of us and my mom is in a bad situation with poverty and doesnt have money so she prostitutes for money and my sister is a witness and my mom is currentyly dating an abusive man and my sister is a witness to it all and my moms boyfriend also is sexually abusing S--- and im trying to find a way to help her out on this im doing research and trying to find a way to stop it because she now is getting physically abused and i cant handle if anything happened to her asnd i have alot on my chest and i want to get this all out also my mom is very dependent on me because my brother isnt around so she is dependent on me to get money in illegal ways but anyways this isnt about me this is for my sister i posted this for S--- so i hope this made an impact.




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Child Abuse Story From Jessica G

by Jessie G
(Brisbane, Australia)

I have no idea where to start from i guess i'll start from what i can remember as a child and from what other family members have told me. my fathers side of the family emotionally abused me about my biological mother keeping me from her telling me that she is a drug user, dirty (leaving drugs, dirty pads around the place, not changing my nappie and letting me sit in it for days) they call her nasty names. even now as an adult they still do it. my dad went to prison for somewhat 10 to 15 years of my life and i was passed around the family who ever wanted me. when my father was arrested i was surrounded by the swat team the ones with sheilds guns etc. i was dragged to the prisons to visit him on regular basis, til i grew up he didnt want me visiting when i hit my teens. he never wrote or rang me only once every 6 months. when he was released i went to live with him and his partner out in the middle of no where, thats when it all begin i watched him bash his partner regularly and he used to bring me into it telling me this is what you when you are being a slut! she comes out of it all bruised bleeding. i was petrified of him by then as i was only 12. one night he really scared me he ran her over with the car and didnt take her to hospital till a week later where she ended up having knee recontruction she was in hospital for over a week thats when i realized there was something wrong with my dad he used to walk past the showers when i was in there and one night he was giving me a back rub he slipped his hand down my pants i got up and ran to my room and cried myself to sleep. after that he got verbally abusive towards me then a few weeks went past and being verbal wasnt enough for he hit me, drove under the influence of alcohol and drugs, choked me, rang a brothel to place me in it, rang military school to enrol me the next morning i got out of there with only my school bag and the clothes i wore the previous night, i ran down the neighbours driveway and i seen a car heading my direction i needed to go i hailed them down and broke down crying at them and they said where you heading i said just down the road away from him so i can hide till the bus comes. they dropped me off i hid like a scared little girl he came down the road not long after and i could hear him yelling if i find you little b***h you are dead. at the time i didnt know what it was i started to having this feeling of that i cant breathe and i started praying to god asking for forgiveness and telling him im sorry for whatever i did. then the bus came around the corner i got on told the bus driver i couldnt breathe my friends were all shocked as we all are country kids and we all had pretty easy lives but as they didnt know what was going on at home it showed in my school work my social life. i was taken into the principals office and i had reported him for what he had done i had got an avo placed on him there were doctors poking and proding me and taking pictures for evidence. my wish had been granted he couldnt come near me but then thats when the family started their two cents on me. saying that it was all my fault and that they didnt want me in their lives any more. so i went my seprate way and i was raped at 16 fallen pregnant(which i still have my son to that pregnancy) repeatedly bashed abused by men i didnt know whether it was the right thing to do to stay or to go. i fell into a deep despression after my second son nightmares not sleeping at night couldnt concentrate regular panic attacks after i had realized that everything that had happened was wrong , even to this day i still cant wrap my head around it. i had tried to reconcile with my father while i was pregnant with my second son things were going sort of well till my 2nd sons 1st birthday came around, my father stood at the front of my house and yelled that he never wants to see me again and that if he does he will kill me with a machute (knife) chop me up into little pieces so no one can recongize me. he also been saying over the years that im not his daughter and im dead in his eyes.

this has taken me a while to write and if it confusing im sorry for any inconvience but my mind is so muddle. please i really dont want no rude comments. its taken me at least 2 years to me wanting to let others know what happened to me and if you do read it i appreciate your time and thank you .

i also want to say to those woman who think they are alone in any way your not there is always someone that will listen to you it may not be your partner, friend, family member but a stranger i have realized talking to people that have no connection with me or my family helps but also i still have to feel as though i trust them.




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Child Abuse Story From Jacqueline E

by Jacqueline E
(Texas, USA)

As a survivor, I can see the hurt & pain in a child's eyes... 
I am 46, I made it. I have recovered to the point I can live a normal life.
I suffered from all types of abuse.
My brother beat me while my mother watched & cursed me. She never physically abused me,what she did was worse. She hated me & told me every day, cursed me every day. She would get mad at me & I would begged her till I was exhausted to please forgive me, hold me.
I need desperately for her to acknowledge, me love....
The pain was unbearable,this started when I was very small. I know how bad it hurts (abuse) in a child.
Because of the experience, I have this ability to see hurt in the eyes of a child that is being abused. I feel their pain!
My daughter developed feelings for a boy who she later learned was abused as a child. I already knew, I could tell because of his attitude, demeanor & look in his eyes. My heart breaks for this boy. He is now 18, & very confused.
One incident he shared with my daughter, was that his step father made him & his brother fight each other till they could not stand. If they did not bring blood, he beat them. His mother did nothing.
The abuse he suffered was far worse than the one incident I just shared.
She is no longer with him. I am glad. Because the relationship was hurtful. I discussed how it would get worse.
I told her she need counseling, because she is confusing feeling sorry for someone, for love.




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Child Abuse Story From Kay

by Kay
(United Kingdom)

It began when mum got with a seemingly nice guy. She trusted him to look after me while she did teaching in Africa. He set down some rules that i still remember
1. You must do everything i tell you
2. You do not to anything without asking me
3. Do well at school or else
4. Behave very, very well at home or else
I tried to live by the rules but they were very hard, especially for a 6 year old. If i did something "Wrong" Then i usually got punished. Looking back i just want to punch him in the head, but i was too scared to then.
School was a problem, my body was able to shift into calm to emergency whenever people made a sudden movement. The teacher asked me if anything was wrong, i don't know why i replied, "Everything's fine."
After a whole year of abuse mum returned I told her everything and we moved. I'm so glad I told. Of course none of my classmates knew until the residential we had where we stayed in a big adventure centre for 4 days. One of the nights i was there i had my "Night memories" as mum called them. Basically memories of the abuse. Everyone stared at me, i'm rubbish at thinking of good quick excuses so i just told. Nobody laughed. Now i can think of plenty good excuses. I want the evil man who ruined a year of my life to burn in hell!




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Child Abuse Story From Charlie

by Charlie
(New Zealand)

My story: 
When i was 13 i moved to my dads at 1st i loved it he treated me fine . we were poor and we all sleptd in the same room ! one nite i was asleep and he came in to my bed i woke up not saying any thing and just turnd and faced the wall thinging his gf at the time had kickd him outa there bed ...which happend most the ime ...well this time was differnt as i was trying to get bck to aleep his hand went down my pants and at that moment i moved as far away from him as i could...i went to sleep then woke up to this stabbing pain ...down there. he had pulld off my pjs and undies .i didnt no wat to do so i just lay there pretending i was still a sleep i went on for about wat felt like ever but really was only about 40 min he stopd and then went to sleep .the next moring it was as if nufink had happend .i kuldnt really say any thing because i fort it was a 1 off. but lil did i no thak wood happend to me every nite for abot 1 year then the beatings started . if i refuszd to do it id get the bash the next day . i started off with him just punching me but then it turnd to him chucking coffee muggs at me and pots chucking me thu wooden doors and not feeding me . thast went on foa aout 31 weeks .thedm one nite i got his cell fone and rang one of my best mates to pick me up that nite.so that nite after he had used my body for his needs he fell asleep and that was wen i ran ............never to look back!!!!




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Child Abuse Story From Brandy

by Brandy
(Texas, USA)

well i dont' even know where to start!! at about two months old i had to have a heart transplant because i had a hole in my heart and only one blood vessel when normally people are supposed to have two blood vessels. my mom was so high on drugs that she couldn't take me to the hospital so my four year old brother had to take me down to his friends house so that they could take me. while they were doing the surgery i passed away for about three minutes and they had to bring me back. they asked my brothers friend if they were the parents and they said no. So they called child protective services. they came to my house but did not find anything. so they left us alone. then it all started when i was two years old we were having a birthday party for me and my whole family came over to the house. the main people are my grandfather, godfather, dad, uncle, brother, cousin, and my stepfather. they all started to feel on me and i felt uncomfortable but i didn't want to say anything because i knew no one would beleive me so i kept quite. this happened up until i was eight years old then i finally went into CPS. i've been tossed around from place to place i've never syayed in one place for so long. i am 18 now and in november 2010 i got a phone call saying that my uncle passed away in his sleep and i started to break down. i was talking to my foster mom and she asked me why am i so said when he was one of the people who did this stuff to me and i told her because i never told anyone and that i had already forgave all the people who messed up my life. on my uncles death certifcate it said that he passed away from Diabetes, Obesity, Heart failure and then about two weeks later i got a letter saying that i am obese,and that i have heart dieses and high calestroal. theres not a day that goes by that i don't here someone talking about diabetes, obesity, or heart failure. my dad is getting out of prison in april and he wants to see me but im scared.i live in a house full of girls that don't care about me and the parents don't care what they say to me and i've been wanting to cutt myself so bad but i've been trying to hold back but only because of my baby brothers and i know one day im going to start again and i won't be able to stop.




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Child Abuse Story From I'm A Soldier

by I'm a soldier
(Wales, United Kingdom)

Stupid mistake or abuse effects: 
I dn't know if this story is relavent or not I have been majorely effected but more from loosing my career then the sexual abuse maybe its because I feel they sacked me because I was sexually abused and as an adult I have put children in danger by my actions. but the thing is I did not recognise the danger, when you are abused your boundaries are invaded so you may not recognise certain situaions. I used to work as a fitness instructor, lifeguard and sports coach but I was sacked I will explain why now.

From 15 and a half I was being sexually abused by a 58 year old male he was a convicted paedophile. but at the same time I was also gettig alot of grief from my sister people said it was just siblin rivalry but i felt it was something more than that but my mum wouldn't listen, my nan would have but she was busy with her own lfe prehaps she would have sat down and talked to me but I didn't bother. When I met this man I felt like he was the person who understood the person who would take care of me he continued this abuse but I kept going back, eventually I moved out again I didn't contact him much, I got my own place with my partner lived there happily for almost a year then he phoned me up in work asking to move in because his flat was shut down so we decided to let him in, I met him at work I worked at a leisure centre I didn't think of him being a paedo I didn't think of all those kids I put at risk. I completely forgot about the fact he was a convicted paedophile and my partner didn't have a clue about anything untill the polce came to confirm things I told her what he done she was dodgy about it but then she accepted it, they asked me and my partner if we were aware of his offences we both said yes I was shocked at a couple I didn't realise he did them he never told me but i said yes anyway. Fast forwarding to the end of the story I wrote a note it wasn't for anybody just to myself it was describing something but what it represents was the abuse that happened to me at 11 but like I was doing it to somebody a child. What I used this letter for was to give to a woman who I paid to do stuff to me to clean me and put a nappy on me like a baby, what my brother done to me what I was describing in the letter what I remember years ago. This letter was found in my bag in lost property at work I was suspended and I was investigated, the police came round to speak to me about it I told them the same thing, they took my laptop to check for child porn but I do not do that so they found none all they found was fettish websites about nappies and being treated like a baby. I was sacked bcause I had a relatinship with a paedo, bringing child porn in the work place, putting children at risk of harm. I feel they did not investigate properly, what are the affects of child sexual abuse

the child may become protectve of the perpetrator
the child may regress back
the child may become vulnerable
as the childs boundaries have been invaded they may not recognise those boundaries any longer

there are others but I wonder if the effects occur in an adult as well. I wonder if an adult can be vulnrable and not recognise certain boundaries if they were to be invaded again even though that adult had a duty to safeguard children. I wonder if that adult should be banned from working in children in future. I have got rid of the paedophile out of my life I will never speak to him again now i'm wondering if I should report him to the police but is it anygood putting a man in jail after all these years will it do any good I could not do that i wouldn't mind if somebody done it for me. I'm sorry for everything.




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Child Abuse Story From Cassie

by Cassie
(USA)

i sometimes get emotional thinking about how lucky i am to have such great parents. They are, but my mom and dad sometimes abuse me. it was hard to relize that they did cuz i was little and didnt know the difference from a little swat or a punch in the gut.

the one i remember the most was when i was about 5 and my mom was lecturing me about not doing something and i tried to sayi was sorry but my tounge jut got twisted up and i guess it looked like i was sticking my tounge out at her so she pushed me down and started kicking me disregarding my screams. i still remember those white leather slip on shoes she used to kick me with. i hate it when she wears them it reminds me of that. recently, i was bugging my brother and my mom was pretty mad so she grabbed my arm and dug into my skin with her nails leaving marks. she did it when i was little too and used to leave scars. i remember one time she grabbed me so hard i was bleeding.

my dad isnt as bad but he sometimes punches me and slaps me when i dont do something right. he punched me in the mouth a few days ago and i was bleeding cuz i have braces now.

i know im waaay more fortunate than a lot of other people and i thank god for it everyday i just felt like sharing my story.




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Child Abuse Story From Katherine For My Friend

by Katherine
(USA)

Im not really the one who is getting child abused its my friend. I always tell her to do something about it but she never does. She has a drunk dad that ALWAYS yells at her and (we both speak the same language) tells her not to speak in American (its easier for us) or she will get badly punished when she gets home. (shes kind of scared of being alone for 2 hours) One time when she was alone after school she called my mom and asked her if she can come over until her parents get home. My mom said yes and when her parents came her father took her home and the next day, well i wont even tell you how she looked. After that day she was left alone for 2 hours everyday, (because her parents had work)up to this day, and she has never called us again. Her sister always does some kid stuff like brake something or say something and they always punish my friend and i dont mean the grounded kind of punishment. I mean hitting kicking ive even seen her father hit her so hard her tooth almost fell out. I don't know what I should do. I cant just sit and watch her get abused, and she never wants to do something. She says if she does then her dad will punish her more and more roughly. Its her dad that abuses her not her mom. Her mom always trys to protect her (like most moms) but her father would yell at her mom. I don't know what to do. I don't know what she should do.




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Child Ause Story From David

by David
(Washington, USA)

I was a ward of the state from child abuse from my aunt and uncle My mother and father both seperated when i was young soon after my mother died i went to live with my aunt and uncle i still wet the bed so i was sexualy abused by my uncle first who would tie string,tape wire and grab my private parts,my aunt said this was un called for so she started make-ing me wear diapers, this went on for many years even in foster homes, soon other sexual abuse started from foster mother and sister.




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Child Abuse Story From Monique E

by Monique E
(Location Undisclosed)

i was 7 and my dad came to spend some father daughter time. He was out of jail from nearly beating my mom to death mind you and apparently it wasnt hard for him to find another woman to leech off of despite the fact that he actually gay. I didnt want to go with him but my mom said go, in fear hed come back if i didnt go with him to visit. Note id already been abused by 2 of my cousins before and much younger. but this is what my dad did. .
Any how as it went his woman was gone visting relatives and so it was just us two in the house. Hours went by and a basket ball came on. I wanted to draw but he said pay attention to it and I didnt so I found myself standing in the corner as punishment. I didnt get a time on when i could sit back down.I was lucky he didnt beat me i guess. I heard a knock at the door and from there it happened. I saw a man walk in and he mustve known my dad because he settled right in. I heard him say something to the effects of whos girl is that? My dad replied i was his daughter but then from here i have to reformat the wording because its too much. .
This is what happened to me . Its in morbid detail but i remember it like it was yesterday.
----
My dad (T--) led me up stairs after whispering something to the man he had been drinking with.
I was still pissed off at what happened earlier as i looked back at the creepy man on the couch who was looking at me wth a perverted gaze.
T-- put me into a dim-lit room and i stood there glaring at him he gave me a snarled look and closed the door behind him . i was scared as to what might be going on but i looked around the dark room .I was hoping that he was just putting me to bed but not even a few seconds later T-- brought the man upstairs. "You may do whatever you may please with the girl; shes is no longer of my concern." With that T-- walked away from his daughter.my instincts screamed and i suddenly grew frozen. "Daddy! Wait-" I cried after the fading image of my father, i didn’t want to be left with this perosn. "Shut up! You brat!" the man yelled, i couldnt help but flinch at the aggressiveness of the yell. "Y-you l-leave me a-alone!" i childishly yelled back, not liking the creepy smirk on the guys face. "Your daddy doesn’t want you." The man smiled evilly
my heart thudded in my chest like a drum, i could feel something bad was going to happen. i knew it.
"Your daddy sold you to me, so shut up and strip!"
It was the first time i had ever felt pain like this. it was betrayed , sadness , fear , panic , helplesness. my breathing became rapid and i tried to run out of the room. the man grabbed a fistful of my hair and slammed my head hard against the wall, making me cry out in pain. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes. "I wouldn’t try resisting if I were you." he laughed. "Look at you; I already know how much fun we’re going to have!”
“Let me go!” i struggled to free myself, but it was useless against a much larger and physically stronger foe. The man holding my hair pulled harder, “What the hell did I just say girl?”
The man laughed , he looked like he hadn’t showered in years.
“Or I’ll just have to make you shut up my self.” He said ,his other hand caressing my cheek. i felt panic when the man did.
The pain from the wall banging was starting burn. The large man smirked, his hand going lower. He leaned closer to me so that his mouth was touching my earlobes. his breath hard of alcohol and something else i couldnt describe “Listen here your precious daddy left you here. He did that because he didn’t want you any more. But I want you.I’ll prove it to you.” The man smirked.“ I paid daddy three hundred dollars for you…”
Before i could scream out for help, the man stuffed a balled piece of cloth in my mouth.i tried to struggle but the man slammed my head hard against the wall again. He grabbed my arms from behind with one hand and was pressed up against my backside. then he ripped my clothes off. i kept my eyes shut. i wanted to scream and kill this man but the strong hands kept me in place and the ripped fabric in my mouth kept me from screaming. He pushed me harder against the wall. my left side of my face was scraping hard against the rough wall. He pulled down his pants. My seven year old mind couldn’t understand why i was naked or pinned to the wall, all i wanted now was to be with my mom.
It was the day when i lost innocence. It was the day when the happy, cheerful monique became no more. Nothing but an empty shell…
Afterward i heard him go bak down stairs and he was laughing with T-- as though he had the funniest joke in the world. T-- told me not to tell anyone or else but it wasnt him i was afraid of. I dont recall feeling anything after that i was dazed and confused . . It happened with my cousins but this was different and i didnt know if there was anything TO SAY. i was betrayed, i was used, i was broken.. what could i say?

Im 18 now and i still have dreams about it. when i was 8 i had told my closest friend at the time and she reacted as though i was a disease and didnt want to talk to me anymore and it was only in sophmore year that i told only one other person. he's my best friend in the whole world and he didnt judge me because of what happened. i hope all of us have someone we can trust in like him because going it alone is the hardest thing. this is my story and i hope that one day the madness will stop.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Mike

by Mike
(California, USA)

Mainly for those who think children can consent: 
Everyone here might hate me for saying this but I didn't exactly mind my sexual abuse at the time it happened, in fact I pretty much liked most of it. It was done by my favorite uncle (age 21.) It started when I was around 6. I would go to his house after school and we would play "power rangers" Which involved me in nothing but underware play fighting him. He made me promise not to tell anyone, that it was our secret game (I now realize that he was probably getting a kick out of it. Maybe even feeling me up) After about a month of this type of play, it progressed to confirmed molestation. I still remember it vividly but will spare the details. He basically removed my underware, and performed oral on me. But he made it a game for me. We would play fight, he would catch me, tickle me, then remove my underware and do oral. I would always play fight it, but I can remember always wanting him to do it, since physically it felt good.
It was literally years before he asked me to do oral to him. I was 8, and I said "no thats gross." He offered to buy me twisted metal 3 (a playstation game) and I obliged. Overall I didn't mind doing it, that is until I was about 10 and "gay" as an insult got popular. I was also starting to get into girls and just out grew the play with my uncle. I told him I wanted to stop when I was 10. He basically listened. I mean he offered to give me oral a few more times, I usually accepted, but I never gave him oral again. I can't remember the last time he gave me oral but I was maybe 12, he ended up moving away to a different state. To be honest, I missed him when he moved. I didn't miss the molestation, but I missed him period. Outside of what he did he was a great uncle. He died a year ago in a car accident.
However, I'm here to testify that even when a child is seemingly willing to participate in sex as a minor, it can still have sever consequences as an adult. I'm not going to pretend like my life is ruined, I have tons of friends, I've never been depressed, I played sports in highschool, I'm currently in college etc. However, sexually I'm destroyed. I'm still a virgin, Ive tried with several girls only to be too nervous to even get an erection.
Plus by the time I was 16 I started having attractions to young boys. I blame my uncles molestation for this. I hate this part of myself but luckily I love women even more and keep myself away from any alone time with kids. It sucks because I'm afraid to have any kids in fear of having a boy. It also sucks because I generally just love boys, I'm still a teen and my apartment complex is flooded with kids. Me and my friends sometimes play "all-time quarter back" for them while they play each other in football. I think I would make a great dad and I know I'd never touch my son but still something won't let me do it, and that something is fear resulted from the years of molestation.
My uncle ruined my sex life without me even knowing it. This is why no matter what, no matter how willing a child is, it's still abuse. It's potential psychological abuse, and that potential is enough to not participate. I may never have a family because of what my uncle did to me. I will always be scared. I'm always having to make excuses not to be alone with kids. I hate that I'm attracted to boys. I'm afraid people can tell. I feel dirty.
For example, a few months ago while at a friends "kick back" (which is a type of small house party) I was in a tough situation. He lives in this really nice house on the beach. So I'm at the party hanging out with girls like a normal teen, when I see his little brother come down stairs. The kid is gorgeous. Maybe 9 years old, Bi-Racial, curly brown hair, big bright green eyes, carmel skin. He was just the cutest kid I've ever seen. Now I can't distinguish my fatherly drive to get to know him, from my sexual attractiveness to him. I loved him instantly, and at first sight. Even though I was sexually attracted to him, I didn't want to do anything sexual with him. I just wanted him as a son or little brother. I do know him now, I'll NEVER EVER let myself be alone with him. it's always his big bro and I, and I barely even get to talk to him, but I love him more than anything on this planet. I would do anything for this child and we barely even know each other. I've attended one of his basketball games and was almost brought to tears off of how well he did. I love women sexually, but my love this boy is on a different level. I just wish there was no sexual element to it. I wish I could love him without fearing what i'd do. As you maybe can tell, I'm all messed up from my molestation. Even if I liked it at the time. And that is why I can never condone ANY adult/child relationships or participate in one as an adult. And this is why molestation destroys kids.




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Child Abuse Story From Ryan

by Ryan
(Philadelphia, USA)

Abused in every imaginable way... 
My first abusers were my mother and grandmother... as early as I can remember. They used to withhold food, sleep, comfort, and then only give them along with sexual stimulation. My family was really sick. My mother and grandmother would get together with my uncles, aunts, and cousins and have orgy sex and have us kids watch and participate. I was given the choice of watching or participation in causing torture or pain to my sister or cousin, or to engage them sexually. To engage them sexually seemed to be compassionate.

I have really struggled with strong sexual feelings. I feel like I cannot connect to anyone. I want a mother's love so badly, and I am drawn to good women, to mothers, but a switch takes it to a sexual place in my mind, because I figure that is all that I am good for. I don't act upon it. I did in the past, but not for years. I am married and have precious daughters, and I KNOW that they love me dearly and I am able to love them, but I cannot feel their love for me.

My mother sexually abused me into my teens. Unfortunately, I acted out sexually with my sister (younger than me) even outside of the times when we were forced. I feel incredibly guilty. NO, I am NOT a pedophile and have never harmed any children or had any desire to... just s**t when I was growing up. It haunts me. I feel trapped, addicted to a poison that I wish were a medication to make the pain stop.




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Child Abuse Poem From Michelle

by Michelle F
(Missouri, USA)

Put on that Armor 
maybe you are scared of your past
maybe you'd like to say some things at long last
maybe things you've been holding on to for some time
are just now becoming all again so new in your mind
people have hurt you, i know this is true
stop all your thinking, just get up and do
do start living, do start to love
do start by giving, what you know of the father above
for what you've been thru is for no one to bear
just tell your story so someone to care
about the walls built up up high
that no one can climb them they reach to the sky
to open your heart you must break down the walls
and see who wants to enter come one come all
for if you have no one inside your walls
the very structure of your being it sometimes falls
so let out that hatred and strife
and let out those memories and start living your life
put on the armor that is tried and true
put on the armor that was made just for you
put on that armor let all the world know
put on that armor in everything let it show
put on that armor it never will fail
put on that armor go now and tell

I was abused but i feel so grateful that i am here today, i see and hear so many children being abused worse than i and even killed, i pray it stops for the ones who are still going thru it.




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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous B

by Anonymous B
(England)

I'm a male from England, since the age of 8, my cousin would abuse me, making me do stuff to him, sneaking me out in to his car late at night, taking me to his house in to his bedroom, making me stay over the night, so he could gain his kicks. He would make me act like animals and make do sexual stuff to him all night, I would get punished by him if I didn't do what he said. He would slap me alot and make me cry and just sit and laugh.

This stopped when I reached the age of 13, I'm not 17 and I have a problem that I need to resolve. Even though I have feelings for girls theres something inside me that makes me have feeling for males aswell. Being a young lad I think doing sexual stuff with a guy or submitting to his request has got me to think that it is normal. I am having feelings about men aswell as women, and wonder if it is because of the sexual abuse.




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Child Abuse Story From Marci

by Marci
(Indiana, USA)

When it all started, I was 7 and my older brother was 13. I am 33 now but remember it as if it were yesterday. We were playing house in his bedroom and he told me to get in bed and he would show me what mommies and daddies do. He then started rubbing my breasts asking me if it felt good. I said no so he said we would try something different. He then stuck his hand down my pants and started rubbing me between the legs while at the same time taking my hand and forcing it down his pants and making me touch him. I tried to pull away but he said that was what mommies and daddies do. After that first time we "played house" more and more frequently with just touching involved. After a while he made me perform oral on him and then a while after that he made me start performing oral on his friends. About a year or so after my nightmare began he had some friends sleep over and I was their "entertainment". I guess he wanted to show off because this was the first time that he actually penetrated me. I was so scared and it hurt so badly but he said that if I told Dad then Dad would probably kill him and end up in jail - then I would be stuck alone with Mom and no one to protect me (she hated me but that is a whole other story). His threats worked and I kept my mouth shut. A while after that he started to pimp me out to his friends and not a day went by that I was not abused in ways that are beyond human comprehension. The sexual abuse lasted until I was 13 and he moved out of the house. Some of his friends still tried to use me but I told them if they didn't leave me alone I would call the cops - something I should have done a long time before that.
About 9 years ago I tried to tell my older sister but she said she didn't believe me (she was 14 yrs older than me so she didn't live at home during the time the abuse happened) I haven't told anyone since then until now I am writing this hoping it will help me. I thought I was over it until my brother moved back to our hometown a few months ago and I saw him for the first time in about 12 years and it brought back a lot of memories that I try to never think about. I think I am handling it very well but I will always hate him for the pain (emotional and physical) that he put me through and for the scars that I will always carry with me.




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Child Abuse Story From Jess From PA

by Jess
(Pennsylvania, USA)

Wow, don't know where to start. my mom is the world's greatest!I realize that now, but didn't then because of the way she raised me. i'm gonna try to make this short but understandable. my mom had me young (17), dad went in the army and totally forgot us. mom became a bartender/server making very good money. i was very luckynto have an awresome grandma (who mstill graces my life at 80) and 2 very awesome uncles that spoiled the s**t out of me and an ok aunt lol. then along came my mom's boyfriend "j---" he thought he was the king of the martial arts world! lol couldn'T wait for someone to kick his a** to hell and back! he beat my mom up everyday of my life. Easter was OH i fell up the steps, bulls**t, i heard the fight! ETC,ETC. U no, u get the picture.Every bruise she had an excuse. hated life. so i'm gettin older always people in and out in and out. i'm not dumb. He's sellin drugs and threatens mom not to tell all is still ok for me. well now he decides i need to have martial arts training...lol he just wanted to touch me. And i thought it would be cool to mess with the boys in school then. but it soon escalated to him beating my mom every nite and she denied it, i was afraid to tell anyone cuz i thought he'd hurt her worse!!! Well lots of touching went on while my mom was at work and he'd say it was a massage and i wAS scared obviously so i said nothing.well it finally was bad enough when i was able to drive . he threw her to the floor, and i ran downstairs.he looked at me with RED eyes and said leave or ur next! Mom and i moved a whole house in 2 hrs and never looked back!! He stilled stalked her, but we took care of that, and are back to as close as mom and daughter could be!! i love her with all my heart, not her fault he was a f***in piece of s**t.




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Child Abuse Story From Alexandra R

by Alexandra R
(Connecticut, USA)

Ive always seemed to have bad luck. When i was about one i was sexually sbused by my moms boyfriend but being to young to remember thats not the one that affexts me too much. My mom walked out when i was 2 and i never heard from her until i was out on my own at age 16. She left me in the care of my dad and step mom. There were 5 kids in total but only three of us were ever abused. My older brother, my older sister, and myself. Shockingly none of us belonged to my stepmom. We had rules put on us succh as we werent allowed to smile because that meant we were being bad. My dad used to come home and make me and my sister sit on the couch while he beat up my older brother who was around ten at the time. I was six and my sister was eight. If i was a "bad girl" my punishment was to stay the weekend no food or water up in the attic. I wasnt alowed tohave the lights on. As I got older things just got worse. I had my head slammed into walls, I spent hours and hours kneeling on iron grates that the heat comes through. Many times social services came into my house because various schools sent them in suspicion. Each time after talking to my step mom and dad they would leave satisfied that we were a normal family. We were too scared to say anything. I grew up being called a fat a** and lazy and began to believe it. I stopped eating completely and just excercised as much as i could. I had alotta free time because i wasnt ever allowed to see my friends. I grew up watching my siblings be abused which i could do nothing to stop and being abused myself. I just wanted to die. I drank bleach,took entire bottles of pills,starved myself, and cut myself. Nothing worked i stayed alive in hell. I just couldnt do it anymore. Sometime around my 16th birthday i filed for emancipation but it didnt go through because my parents wouldnt let me get a job so i couldnt financially support ymself. But i went to court and stood up fior myself anyways and found myself under the guardianship of my grandmother. she was little better than my parents so i moved in with my girlfriend who was abusive as well but at least she loved me. She told me i was worthless, left bruises where no one would see them, threatened to kil our cats if i ever left. She broke any necklace given to me by my birth mom or sister and clothing she didnt get me. She told me my parents were right to abuse me and that it was my own fault for being a pain in the a**. I believed her. After she tried to kill me by strangling me, biting me, pulling my hair, kicking , and many other things, i moved out. But i couldnt bring myself to leave her. I still cant. I dont know why i cant leave her. I truly want her to be nice and i know its in her to be nice, but shes not. Im moving back to ct to try to escape it and see if our relationship will die away because i cant just leave her. she makes me feel like i need her. Just like my parents. im only 17. I terminated my grandmothers guardianship and my dad doedsnt want me back now that i talk to my birth mom. Im homeless but isnt that better than being abused? idk. so bthats a very un detailed version of my story. im just not ready to share more.




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Child Abuse Story From Estel

by Estel
(Florida, USA)


My story starts when I was 5. I guess it starts before that cause I remember seeing fights between my mother and step father. But what I officially remember starts at 5. Sometime before my birthday my mother left. It was me and my 2 younger brothers, and my older sister. I don't remember the age difference between us all. My step father liked to drink and liked girl company. Before my birthday he always had a different female over every night. On my 5 b-day, there was a party my mother came along with her currant boyfriend. I had fun, but it did not last long. My fun day turned to my first day of the beginning pain of my life. It was bath time, my step father was giving me on which was normal. Until he started to touch me, he molested me in the bathtub. When I tried to pull away and whine he would put my head under the water. When he was done he took me out of the water and left the bathroom. My sister came in and dressed me. That happened every bath time for the next 3 years.

When I was 8 it was time for him to step it up. He took me to his bedroom and told me it was time to show him how much I love daddy. He tried to take my cloths off I tried fighting telling him I don’t want to that he hurts me. He said the pain will lessen, don’t you want to make your daddy happy. And I said no not like that. He smacked me hard across the face and I fell to the ground. He ripped my cloths off and smacked me a couple more times I got dizzy and before I new it I was tied to his bed naked. He had a belt, a black belt. He hit me across my chest area. And I fought, I wiggled to get free but it did not work. Each time I asked him to stop I got a new hit. He kept to my chest, lower parts. Then he punched me in the face telling me be quiet. After I was barely awake he raped me. When he was done he left me bleeding tied to his bed.

I continued to get raped for 2 more years by him and sometimes his brother and his friend. They liked torturing me, making me kneel like a dog, they put me in dog cages naked, made me stand there naked in front of them. It was always cold during that time. One evening they were so drunk and they ripped my cloths off and made me stand there naked for an hour as they stared at me if I wobbled I got hit. By then I learned to not cry. I never showed the pain anymore. It was then I started asking god to kill me to let this all be over. And then I curse god because they would walk away me bleeding and still alive. When they were done with me they would put me in the dark, cold closet naked and in my own blood. I sat in the corner by one little ray of light until they woke up from passing out. Usually a full day, with no food. They always put a dog bowl in there with water for me.

I used to write story’s and I would use my life in them just use different names. Finally one of the teachers desired to ask and I was 10 and I finally told. They told me to go home and everything will be taken care of. I went home and no more than 20 min the police were there and arresting him. I was taken to the hospital and out in a cold room alone. As I laid on the bed waiting for someone to come in, I was shaking and cold and scared and felt alone.

I was put into a home for kids waiting to be put back with there parents, apparently my mother wanted us back. During the next 2 years I tried to kill my self I was 11. I had visits from my mother and her boyfriend. I thought that maybe I can have a childhood, he seem to be a nice a guy. Ohhhh how wrong I was. They put my sister back with my mother and then me and then my brother. She had to get us one at a time. The first year was ok. But when I turned 13 he seemed to look at me funny, brush up against me and drink and sit at the foot of my bed at night.

We had a nice old lady that lived under us, she had her 2 grand kids living with her both boys and she had there father, her son living there as well along with her husband, She tried to get me out as much as possible. But I was used to being alone. One night when I was 14 he got drunk came into my room and raped me. My mother came in right after and told me I was to sleep with him when I tried to tell her what happened she said not to lie. The next morning I told this old lady, she called the police and they came and put me in with my grandma. Told my mom she could not call me at all. My grandma allowed this man to come over and gave her money and he took me out in his van and raped me that way. My mom got a hold of me and told me that if I don’t take this back I will never see my baby brother again. So I took it back. He continued to rape me for 2 more years. I never fought, I never asked him to stop, my mind left my body, when my mind came back he was done. I found a letter one day to my uncle from my mother and in it said, if she gave me to him when I turned 18 that this man would give her what ever she wants. Finally I said something and the police told her if she does not leave this guy she would lose all her kids. And naturally because we were state kids at that time she got paid for us so she left him. But she hated me for it. During all these years with him and her I was there maid. I learned to clean a kitchen floor with a tooth brush. I could clean a 3 bedroom, living room, dinning room, kitchen, 2 bathrooms, laundry all by myself in half a day. Cause if I didn’t I got beat.

During these years I had a therapist (might I add most of them sucked) and my driver that took me there and home again would molest me while he drove, and yes I did nothing. I tried to kill my self once again. Her boyfriend would sit me in his lap acting like he was teaching me how to drive and use it to get what he wanted. I was raped by a guy in high school.

Now I am afraid to drive, I am working on that one. I am afraid of the dark, I am afraid of my head being under water, I am claustrophobic, my cheats begins to hurt. I am a 30 year old woman 3 kids, who in her life has been hurt over and over again by people who were supposed to protect me and love me. I have tried to kill my self 3 times. I have prayed to god for death, and hated him after seeing I was still alive. I have forgiven these people, but I will never forget. It has been 14 years and I can still tell you what they smelled like, I can still tell you the look in there eyes, I can still feel the way they felt, I can still remember every time I asked them to stop, every slap, every time I felt alone, every time I wanted someone, anyone to save me.

I don’t trust easy, making friends is hard for me to do. I have been used to hearing, it was my fault, or I have too much to deal with to be friends with, or that I am impossible to love. The list goes on. When I was no longer being hurt is when my family decided to help. And I simply told them, I don’t need it now where were you then. I recently found out that my step father recorded what he did and it is somewhere out there on the internet.

I am still working through a lot of things. I will not see a therapist I have had my share of them and all I got was “I understand” that is crap.

The worse feeling for a child, is the feeling of being alone, not having someone to tell them it will be ok, someone to fight your battle for you, someone to protect you. To feel lost in a world that has forgotten her.




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Child Abuse Story From Amber S

by Amber S
(Pennsylvania, USA)

Where to start i love my family and i hope no one goes through Child abuse of any kind. Well i tell one of mine. It happened a long time ago, I was i believe 4 or 5 when my Uncle sexually abused me. That uncle is a sick man, yet my other uncles are better men. I was Sexually abused for a long time before a guess he told on himself. Yet i believe he got caught doing what he was doing to me to my Aunt. I believe if he didnt say any thing he would have continued the abuse for many years. It would happen like this my mom and his wife would head off to school or work and he would be left with me, my brother, my sister, and his 3 kids. While he put on a movie or show he would take me in the bathroom to help with giving baths. He left no evidence i was still a virgin. he would go to other areas like my butt and mouth. After he was done he would tell me this is our secret and he loves me.Or he would take me into his room to watch the fishes and lock the door so the other kids didnt come in. I still sometimes have nightmares of the abuse he put me through all because " He wanted Something DIFFERENT" He told me this when i turned 18 and went to visit him in Jail. To me thats not a good enough of an answer he could never look me in the eye when he said that. I think theres more to it than that i just have to wait until hes ready to ever tell me the truth.




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Child Abuse Story From Amy

by Amy
(Location Undisclosed)

I am not sure whether this is abuse or not. I'm 16 by the way.
When i was a baby i was diagnosed with epilepcy. Turned out that it wasn't epilepcy it was fabriel fits, well they think it was. Now my foot sticks out when I walk and my hand eye-coord is rubbish.
I got called names when i was at junior school. My mum became mentally ill. My parents ended up arguing when ever my dad tried to say something. She got diagnosed with anxiety.
Then I got bullied again for two years. I then began to get threatened by a girl and humiliated.
My friend took me upstairs when i was 13 years old. She said I'l finger you and you finger me. I stood still, she encouraged and manipulated into doing it. Masturbation. This went on for 18 months, until I told a teacher. The school called social services.
The nurse told me that it could have been sexual abuse. This hit me hard, I felt down, suicidal. I nearly self harmed.
This year my dad started to call me useless when I felt like i was.
My dad never really says anything positive. When i told him that I got a B in English coursework. He just said umm i thought you would get that.
When i eventually told my mum why i had been self harming. She made things worse.
She ended up trying to pass the responsibility over me to my dad. My dad got suspicious. I didn't want him to know. Then after no end of promises made not to tell my dad, my mum said I might have to tell your dad. She also said I would have loved to have a mum like me when I was a kid.
I don't feel like I can trust my parents.
When i lived with my mum we didn't communicate. I would be in my room, mum in the lounge.




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Child Abuse Story From Lisa

by Lisa
(Location Undisclosed)


The following is a detailing of memories as well as pieces I have put together from what my adoptive parents learned from social services.

I know very little hard facts about where I come from, or my life over the first 7 years. There is very little information on any of my siblings and I. My memories are fragmented and sporadic. My younger siblings have no memories of any of it. I was adopted with my younger brother and sister by a very determined and loving family when I was nearly 7. Our file was pathetic, according to our adoptive parents. There was almost no information on us. They had no idea when my little sister was born (only a rough estimate), and no idea where the rest of us were born, and simply wrote the city we were adopted from on our birth certificates after adoption. The bit of information Social Services did have, they refused to give to my parents until they insisted on knowing what was going on with us. We had so many inexplicable challenges, they demanded answers or would give us back. They had to know what traumas we were dealing with so they could know how to work with us. The Social Worker at the time (we'd had so many), said ours was the worst case she had seen in her years of work. The lack of information is a sore point with me, and one I would like to be able to change, but I realize this will not likely ever happen. I do not believe in the Social Services system, because of how poorly they kept track of our information. There were apparently 3 older brothers born before me, who were removed and taken as Wards of the Government as well, but were so malnourished, neglected and abused, they were placed into hospital care with permanent brain damage. How is it possible then this system did not keep track of our information or us once we were born?

My first memory is of my genetic donor of the male variety. He was forcing his 'member' into my mouth. The memory is only a flash, like a photograph. I must have been around 1 or 2 years old, possibly 3. No idea, actually. I remember the fear, the darkness, and the sense of choking. This was apparently common occurrence, in addition to letting his friends do the same.

I have been told that from the ages of birth to 3 or 4 years, I was in and out of foster care, due to neglect and abuse from biological parents. Social Services were attempting to rehabilitate the birth parents, as well as teach them how to care for children. They were unsuccessful. The final time I was taken away by Social Services, it was permanent. They had come to check on us (my younger brother, sister and I), and found us locked in a closet, where they believe we had been kept for several days: surrounded by our own feces and other filth, with no food and no water to be seen.

Other events while in and out of the birth home, were fairly unpleasant stories. One such occurance was the apparently regular fighting my birth father would have my younger brother and I perform for his friends. They would place us in the middle of the room, and after placing bets on who would win, have us fight each other. I don't remember this, but rather was told it as an adult.

Another such story is that our parents were drug-addicts and alcoholics, and would give us the drugs and alcohol. As already indicated above, the male genetic donor was sexually abusive to me and my younger brother. The birth father was epileptic and would have seizures. He also liked to have us take baths with him. On one such occasion, he had a seizure in the bathtub, hit his head, drowned and died: my younger brother was with him in the tub when it happened.

After we were put into foster care, we stayed in the system for 2-3 years. My sister apparently went through approximately 40 foster homes from the ages of birth to 3 years, at which time she was adopted. I was in approximately 12 homes over the year or two after becoming a permanent Ward of the Government, and I am unsure of the little brother. We spent our years in foster care, sometimes 2 together, more frequently separated, although we were allowed visits.

I remember one such visit: to see my sister. My brother was staying in the same home with me, and we went to see my sister. She'd have been around 3. I remember the lady was older, gray hair, and had a beautiful smile. She was gentle with a really nice home. We slept over there that night. As she tucked me into bed, a lower bunk with my sister (I think) on the top bunk, I remember asking her if I could stay with her. She was this warm soul that I desperately wanted to keep near me and be near to. She smiled at me and said she wished I could too as she kissed me goodnight. I'll never forget it. In all the time before, I cannot remember feeling so safe and loved. I had a hard time letting that go.

I recall going to school. It was grade one at the beginning of the year, I now know. I was walking home from school through an alley, when I came upon this group of boys: grade sixers. I knew one of them, and liked him. I wanted him to like me so much. He invited me to come into their group and it made me feel so special and important. He told me he had something really cool he wanted to show me. I was so excited to be included in something with him, that I immediately agreed to see it. The boy showed me this wooden waste bin (similar to one you would store chopped wood in, or garbage bags). It had a lift up lid on top, and a small opening in the front. He told me it was inside the box, and we would have to go in. I was nervous, suddenly, but still wanted him to like me, so I agreed. He opened up the small front door near the ground, and insisted that I go in first. So, I crawled in. He shut the door and latched it from the outside once I was in. I was confused and scared, and asked him what he was doing. I could hear him and his friends laughing as they walked away. Stuck inside the box, it was dark. I cried and screamed to be let out, but no one came. Eventually, I started banging on the door, and trying to open up the top. It took me a long while, but I did get my fingers through a little hole on the top lid, and figured out how to open it. I got myself out of the box on my own. Shaken and tired, I made my way home.

I know that I saw myself as the 'mother' to my little sister and brother. It carried right through to my adoption, and I think is still present in me today. A friend of mine sees me as reacting as a parent would to my siblings choices and problems in life, and not as a sister. I do recall challenging my mother on her right to discipline and care for my brother and sister, and feel proud of them and worried for them as a parent might. I believe to this day that I am their protector.

Lately, in the last year or so, I've been sensing that it is getting time I try to deal with some of these things, but I really don't know how. I've tried counselling a few times over the years, but always drop out. I have talked with a friend or two, but again, I know it makes people nervous and they really cannot deal with such information. They see you differently once they know some of this, and it's not a good different; they become afraid of you almost.

I ran away when I was 16 and repeated the cycle with so many men over only a few years, which only intensified my challenges with men and myself. Do you want to know the most sickening part of that problem? I end up dating men usually twice my age. So, I cannot handle the whole concept, aside from my frequent inability to continue with the relationship after sexual activity. I leave, either emotionally and/or physically.

We were tough on my parents. We tested their compassion and patience a great deal. I recall challenging my mother another time when I asked her what it would take for her to send me back. She responded with "Nothing. You are not going back." We were apparently like wild children when they brought us home. Poor language skills, undisciplined in any way, inability to even use utensils, in addition to our emotional and mental trauma. However, they stuck with us, and I owe them a great deal because of that.

My adoptive family has been a life preserver. Without them having taken the chance they did on three siblings with so many issues and behaviour problems, I would not be where I am today: a teacher of children with traumatic backgrounds of their own, a house and friends of my own. I admit, I have my issues still: I cannot sustain a relationship with a man for very long, I have instead chosen a life of celibacy rather than the promiscuity I used to have, I avoid large crowds of people, and rather am quite solitary, I doubt myself frequently and go into bouts of depression, but I do not allow myself to dwell for long on those things. I am a survivor and do what I have had to to protect myself from myself and from others.

I have become very successful in my professional life and in many ways, my personal life. If that is encouragement for some, I'm happy to share it. I need to deal, yes. However, maybe one day I will be able to fully accept myself and move on.




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Child Abuse Story From Debbi K

by Deborah K
(Texas, USA)


My abuse started as far back as I can remember. My father was killed when I was 3 and my mother remarried when I was 4 1/2. I remember daily beatings and hatred from her. My stepfather was a truck driver and alcoholic and beat her and she in turn beat me. I had an older sister that was never beat. She remembers covering her ears to avoid hearing the screams. I was hit with wooden brushes on the head and due to head trauma, developed epilepsy. My mother told me repeatedly that I was never wanted but that she loved my sister. At 6 she would kick me out and tell me to runaway. But of course, I did not know what to do so I stayed and waited until she brought me back in the house for yet another beating. I was 9 or 10 when I wrote this poem:

My Mother
I love my mom so very much, to us she has a magic touch
she brings us up when we are blue, and tells us when we've done wrong too.
she buys our food and buys our drinks, she gives advise on what she thinks.
she tells us places we can go, and when we cant she lets us know.
and thats my mom that we all love and we know that she will go up above
It goes to show that when she hits she loves you more than a little bit.

Its so sad to me now. I do not remember writing it but to me it looks as if I was trying to find acceptance in what she was doing. I do not remember happy times at all. My sister turned to drugs and alcohol at 12 but I went to work at 14 and started saving what I could. My mother made me pay rent to live there, even though I was still in High School. She would not take me to school and it was too far to walk so I had other people take me. My sister dropped out. At 16, when she cornered me and kicked me in the stomach and tried to burn me, I'd had enough and fought back. I left but had nowhere to go so I stayed until I graduated. Then I got a full time job and an apartment. I am glad to say I have never even spanked a child and my life is pretty normal. I have some issues but I deal with them. And that's my story, thanks for reading.




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Child Abuse Story From Jenna

by Jenna
(Florida, USA)

A piece of my story, unfinished: 
I have experienced abuse ever since I can remember. Truth is, I've never told anyone my secret and I feel as if it is best that I write about it. The first time I remember being abused is when I was in Kindergarten. I didn't understand my homework and my mother got very aggravated and took my fingers and bent them backwards. My mom continued to abuse me, and once I got to elementary school it got worse. I'd sit down to do my homework with her each day and she would yell at me if I didn't know the answer. She'd sit in the comfy big chair and I remember sitting on a metal stool with no back-piece. She'd tell me I'm stupid and good for nothing while she pulled my hair and hit me in my back, arms, and face. I tried to be strong and hold back my tears but the tears kept coming and when they did I'd get in more trouble. Sometimes I couldn't even see the paper because of the tears in my eyes. I couldn't let them go because I'd get hit and at the same time I couldn't hold them in because then I couldn't do my math problems. Sometimes I would get permission to go to the bathroom and wipe my tears. If I took too long she'd come in and beat me while I hid my face and sat in a ball in the corner.




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Child Abuse Story From Jasmine K

by Jasmine
(California, USA)

Well im not going to tell you my life story from a-z but i will tell you the most scaring parts of my life.
Im 14 years old right now and ive been through a lot, emotionally, physically, verbally and even mentally. I think i was molested as a small child by my little sister and brothers dad, im not sure if i was but i get weird feelings around men and i have weird dreams, i also have really bad mood swings. From grade school to middle school i was constantly made fun of by everyone, i pretty much had only guy friends.
Between the ages of 8-10 i was molested by my own female cousin who is 2 years older than i am. She would touch me inappropriately and have me touch her back, i touched her back because i didnt know any better and was curious. When she would do this we would play "house" and she would make my little sister who is 2 years younger than me go under the bed. I am now slightly attracted to woman but scared at the same time.
My moms ex-husband used to verbally and mentally abuse me. He is an alcoholic and when he was drunk he would call me a hoe, whore, tramp, ect. He would think i was my mom because we looked so much alike. He only physically abused me oonce, we were talking and he was barely sobering up and i said the wrong thing and he jumped off the couch and tried to hit me, we wrestled for a little bit because i tried to defend myself but then i was on my stomach and he started to hit me. I got up and ran to my room he followed me, i yelled at him and told him he isnt my dad and to leave me alone, he said fine went out of my room slammed the door then punched a hole in it, i then went out my window and went to grandmas house, i jumped her 6 or 8 foot fence and told her what happened and she called the cops. He told the cops that he was disaplining me because i was saying bad words to him and of course the cops believed him, so they took him away from my house to his brothers. He contiued to call me bad names and he would tell people yeah she just acts like a b***h sometimes. i was 13 at the time so this was barely before i turned 14. Im about to turn 15.
I lost my virginity at 13 and really like sex. I broke up with the guy i lost my virginity to, he was perfect for me now that i look at it but i was foolish then so i ended it. I had a friend she was my best friend and she told me it was okay to have sex, its okay to have sex with a lot of guys. So, i started having sex with guys that i met and liked, at first it was because i liked them but then all guys talked to me because they wanted to have sex with me. I didnt like that but i didnt know what to do it was like i had no choice. Ive slept with more guys then a 14 year old is suppose to and im not proud of it at all, that led to me being raped 2 times, because when i said no they didnt care and they got what they wanted. Im emotionally unstable, i have a really hard time to express my feelings to people.
I thought i was in love with this guy, i thought he was just the best but then he started to verbally and mentally abuse me. He would call me every name he could think of and he would talk to other girls, im just recently letting go of him. He would purposely try getting me pregnant asnd he would threaten me saying he is going to beat the f*** out of me. I used to cut myself and try to commit suicide. I wanted to last night, i wanted to overdose on the pills my doctor gave me but my mom took them from me.
Ive been to counsling and it helped me a little bit but not enough especially because i moved to another city. We moved in with my moms boyfriend.
I just relized not to long ago that im in love with my moms really good friend, if he and i are single when i turn 18 he said hes going to propose to me. that makes me really happy and i cant wait for that day.
Even though all this has happened to me i try to move on and push forward but its hard because those arent things you can just forget. A very inspiring song to do better and show that you can be somone is called "Firework" by Katy Perry, no matter what kind of music you listen to please just try to listen to it once. Thank you for reading, this site has helped me release most of the anger i hold within.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Lori

by Lori
(Location Undisclosed)

This isn't as bad as the other stories here cause I wasn't actually touched, but it has bothered me for years, and made me feel ashamed, stupid, and not trusting about men or boys.

When I was 8, I would go visit my neighbor who was a nice divorced woman with a dog. Then when the summer came her college age son came home from school. He seemed nice too, and would play hide and seek type games with me.

One day when he caught me after finding me in hide and seek, he started tickling me on the ground in the grass, and I could see a big bump pushing out his shorts, though I wasn't sure what that was cause I hadn't yet ever seen a penis or knew what a hardon was.

About a week later, he took me into the kitchen to get some lemonade. His mom wasn't home so we were alone. He picked me up from behind and put me face down on the kitchen table. He made it like it was some sort of game though I didn't understand what the game was. He told me just to lie there and not move or say anything, as that was supposed to be the fun part (to see how long I could do that). Suddenly he pulled down my shorts and underwear. I was too shocked to do anything and too embarrassed to say anything, so I just lied there, face down with my bottom exposed.

I heard him unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants and I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything at all. I didn't know what to expect next, or what he was going to do. Finally I looked back to see him standing back there, moving his hand up and down his penis very fast. He was staring at my bottom, and I was staring at him. I don't know why I didn't get up, I guess I was just too shocked by the whole thing. Then he looked up from my bottom and saw me looking at him, and he just smiled at me which embarrassed me more and I looked away, and I could hear him continue to move his hand on his penis until he finally stopped.

Then I heard him zip his pants and buckle his belt. Then I saw a flash, and then another one and I looked back to see he was taking pictures of my bottom. He saw me looking at him, and told me to smile, but I didn't. He took a picture anyway. Then he told me to smile for the next picture, or he'd spank my bottom really hard. I couldn't smile cause I was still too shocked at what was happening. He didn't spank me, but instead took another picture. Then he said that if I would smile, then the game would be over and I could go home. But I still couldn't smile. So he told me to just pretend to smile, it didn't have to be a real smile, that I could just pretend to smile.

So I pretended to smile at him, and he took another picture of me lying there with my bottom exposed, smiling at him. Then he pulled up my underwear and shorts and helped me off the table. He then showed me the picture of me smiling with my bottom exposed, which horrified me, and told me that if I ever told anybody what we did, that everyone in my school would see the picture and everyone would know that I let boys take naked pictures of me and that the principal would tell my parents to take me out of school because the other parents wouldn't want their children in the same school as someone like me.

I never told anybody, and never went into that house again. I passed him a couple of times in the street that summer, and he just smiled a very creepy smile that made me feel very embarrassed and scared he would show someone the picture. Now I'm old enough to know that he would never have showed the picture to anyone, but I feel so stupid to have just lied there and let him do those things, and then to have believed that he'd show the picture.

He went back to college, and I never saw him again because his mother moved during the winter. I am past it now, but I still feel stupid and embarrassed when I think about it or when I think about anything that has to do with sex.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Withheld

by Name Withheld
(Canada)

I was beaten in the nude every punishment I got from the time I was aged 4, right up until I was 18. Then I stood up to my abusive mother.

While beating me and my brother if she had words to say every word was emphasized with the belt hitting the skin from a swing from over her head. So we couldn’t get away from her she held us with her hand tightly. If we tried to run it made it worse.

Some Parents are nothing but Bullies to helpless kids.

I feel today at age 53 I still suffer from PTSD due to the thrashings I got from these many straps made from Conveyor Belt Scrap material my father had cut into thin strips 2 inches wide with )( that shape at the end for a handle so it wouldn't slip from my mothers hands.

I got beat for failing tests. I got beat when ever she had the urge to beat for something as stupid as an "F" meaning failing grade. I was grounded for 2 months and not allowed out the entire summer at all and Grandmother reinforced this rule while mother worked.

Mother threatened us verbally that she would hold a gun to our heads if we ever got a girl pregnant.

When asked why we had to be beat in the nude the answer was a lie and told that it was to insure that the belt hit our skin.

Instead it was to check out our bodies to see when we would have made it passed puberty. Then we could get girls pregnant and more reason to clamp down on authoritative measures.

I have so much to explain but I can't do it in 1000.00 words. Sorry.

I am ruined as an adult because of the nightmares I still have from time to time about the trauma as a youth and I have trouble socializing with people in general for fear they may not find me perfect like them. I remember wearing long sleeved white shirts and long dress pants to hide the markings on my body from school authorities’.

Yeah I am 53 soon to be 54 and Parents still live so I want to remain anonymous. I have so much to uncover and seems I can’t do it to feel free.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Nameless

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 17 years old and I think my mom verbally abuses me. She says I'm fat and lazy. I get A's and B's in school, but she tells me if I don't do better I won't get into a good college. She makes me feel so stupid and worthless. She usually only talks to me to criticize me. She occasionally calls me a b***h and threatens to hit me. She took my laptop(that I only use for school work) until I get my driver's license. I don't think she likes me, maybe even just keeps me so my dad will have to pay her child support. I only see my dad every other weekend and just recently told him about the possible abuse. He talked to his attorney to change the custody agreement. My mom doesn't know yet and I'm scared about her finding out. I reported her for abuse before, but no one believed me. She was furious then and I'm afraid of what she'll do when she finds out I've told again. She says I'm her baby girl and she loves me, but I don't think so. She treats me horribly and I often cry myself to sleep. If she sees me crying, she tells me to grow up. I never do anything right around her. She also denies the fact the I was diagnosed with autism. I'm not normal and she can't accept that so she takes it out on me. Sometimes I wish I'd never been born.




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Child Abuse Story From Nicole

by Niki
(Louisiana, USA)

It all started when I was about 9 years old. One day my sisters and I were outside in our backyard jumping on the trampoline with our friends CJ, And his cousin, when I playfully fell off the trampoline into a pile of Ants. Everyone laughed as I walked into the house where my great aunt and her son were at. I told my aunt what had just happened and asked her if she had any alcohol to put on the swollen ant bites, she told me to go into her sons room to see if he had it ( he was about 35). I went into his room and asked him for the alcohol, he said "for what"? I told him and he told me to let him see. Thinking nothing of it, I showed him. I was only bitten on my ankles and leg/shin area. So he started rubbing the alcohol on my leg then he started going to my thigh. I stood there in shock, them he tried to go inside of my shorts, and I turned around and ran. I went back outside and everybody was gone except CJ. So I confided in him and told him what had happened. It didnt happen again until I was 14. I got pregnant when I was 14 (not by him). I had the baby and 6 months later my daughter and I was sleeping on the couch and it was dark. He crawled bedside me. I sleep like a rock, so I though I was dreaming, and he put his finger inside of my panties but I didnt immediately wake up. It wasnt until he started trying to......put his mouth on my brest, then I woke up and saw him on his knees in front of the couch gesturing to me to shut up, because I let out a loud yelp. I ran into the room with my older cousin and told her and she asked me "Where was my baby" I got so scared because I thought he would touch her too! So my cousin went to get my baby.

From the first incident to the last, I've told many people.....nobody did anything about it. His sisters got mad at me, one of his sisters were my guardian because my mom was constantly incarcerated so just imagine the pain. Even my mom, when she got out of jail, told me not to tell for fear of getting dfacs involved. One of his sisters told me, "You dont have anything that he wants, you're just a child". I felt like crap. I knew what he did was wrong, and till this day, the only person who believed me was my cousin and my husband CJ. Im now 24 years old. My daughter is now 10 and Im currently on my way to college. I still think about it from time to time, and I see him often as well, and that basterd still denies it. Such a fool. God will deal with him.




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Child Abuse Story From Anna

by Anna
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was younger, my biological mom was a w***e. She did it with anyone. She left me home alone for weeks, I would go to the bathroom in trash cans. I would eat wood, and that sort. When her boyfriend would come home, We would sexually abuse me. He would tell me to dream about him at night. He scared me.When my mom was home, She would hit me, and cuss at me. I was only 3. And I still remember it, 10 years later. After fights with DHS, I lived with my father.

We moved To Arkansas, And now my father never speaks to me. He tried killing himself. He hates me and my step mom. He told me I was trash and that i ment nothing to him. All of this just makes me stronger, knowing that when I turn 18, I am leaving for good. My dad slaps me around, and hits me. I dont know what God has in store for me, But I am really pissed off.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Leann

by Leann
(Location Undisclosed)

i found out today my case was dropped. not enough evidence or something to go to trial or press chrges. my story doesnt matter to them.
i was molested by my father from the age of seven until i was twelve. then after the sexual abuse stopped he begun to do strange things that im not sure would be physical, mental abuse, or neglect. but he wouldnt let me leave the house or use the phone or computers or anything. my step mom has a part in all of this too. when i was nine she found explicit pictures of me that my father had taken. at the time she was doing professional child care and therefore was a manditory reporter, but all she did was ask me if i was being hurt. i wasnt sure if i was being hurt, mostly i was just confused. things got weird when i started to go through puberty, my step mom would say mean things to me, like how i was too skinny or how i was so primisqueous. i had kissed one boy and wrote about it in a journal that they found and read. they had told me they were going to call the police and say he sexually harrassed me if i didnt tell him to leave me alone. they even had the poor boy on the phone crying. eventually things esculated to where i was constantly being yelled at and my step mom even hit me once. and she wouldnt let me in the kitchen for meals. i was locked in my room with bars in the windows... it was so depressing. even when i had to use the restroom i was timed. and if i was "having an attitude" they would make me sleep on the floor with the litter boxes. so one day they left me home alone to go to church and i ran away. i was seventeen and i ended up sleeping on the street for one night. i was so scared but i couldnt go back because when i was in that house all i could think of was killing myself. which i knew wasnt how it should be. so i went to dfs and told them i would go anywhere but home. they sent me to a youth crisis center where i stayed for a few nihts until my dad came and picked me up. i was going back to that awful place: but no as it turned out he decided to put me into a mental hospital for my suicidal ideations. which was true i suppose, but those doctars have a way of finding out why it is you feel the way you do and before i knew it i had told them eveything. i had to go to a cild advicacy interview and then they had a hearing and put me in protective custody. then about a month later they found out some great but why couldnt i have known this sooo long ago news. they told me my father didnt actually have custody of me. he did all of this controlling and abuse and he never even had the right to sign as my gardian. he put me in school with an old birth certificate from before my grandparents fully adopted me. so they sent me to live with my grandparents. no kidnapping charges can be pressed because my grandparents knew where i was. even thouh i had no way of contacting my grandperents to tell them how bad things were. where do i get a say in the fact that i was locked in a house with people who mistreated me and didnt have custody of me. it sounds and felt like kidnapping to me. right now i feel as if the legal system is flawed. its just shi**y because nothing will happen.




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Child Abuse Story From Janise

by Janise
(Hawaii, USA)

Hurt, Sad, Depressed. I Can't Do IT! 
My mother had this abusive boyfriend that i used to live with and i lived with him for over 6 years. and when i moved with my mom in 2000. i thought our relationship would be better than it was in the past. but unfortunately it got worse. my mom use to beat me for saying WHAT, WHY and not just slaps. she use to burn me with the iron and burn me with her lighter, joint or ciggerate. i cried out in pain and she would just stand there and LAUGH! till this day i don't talk to her. Now her boyfriend, i never liked him,. from the first time i had met him, i never liked him. then i had to live with him was even worse. but when we started getting comfortable with each other. we had a good relationship. but then he had taken it too far to where he use to come on to me. when my mom would fall asleep, he would sneak out and lay by me and when i heard my door open, i would start crying :( and he would come and lay next to me, take me pants off and finger me. then he would make me make out with him and i was only 7. At the age of 13, he had made me give him a blow job every night. he would do the same to me when i was 7 but got more serious with him. he had took my virginity. on JANUARY 23, 2000, we had dinner as a family on his birthday and my mother wouldn't "GIVE IT TO HIM" so he had told her "If i don't get it from you, i'm going to get it from your daughter" and she had said "Go right ahead" :( and when i heard that i wanted to leave but i couldn't i cried myself to sleep that night. but then i woke up from footsteps and felt someone grab my blanket and pull it off of me and he grabbed my leg, took off my pant and opened my leg and did "YOU KNOW WHAT" i screamed out in pain and not knowing, my mother was right there watching :( i cried even more. after that was done. my mother had sexually abused me as well. couple weeks after, i found out i was pregnant, but then got an abortion and moved on with my life and lived with sexual abuse till last month, ever since that incident, i have never told anyone and having this websites takes a lot of things off my chest.i thank you guys for taking your time and reading this.




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Child Abuse Story From Liz

by Liz
(USA)

I've always been a quiet child, very shy. A loner. I can't help but wonder if that's the reason I was 'targeted', so to speak...
I'm currently 15, the abuse started when I was around 7-8 years old when my daddy lost his job, and we had to move into grandma and grandpa's house. Grandpa was always nice to me and gave me special attention, even though I was an, 'invisible child', as my mommy once put it.
Whenever my Grandpa was home from work, he would always give me hugs, and let me sit on his lap, and read me books, and talk to me, and play games with me... attention which I only rarely got from my parents, if ever. I was his special little girl, he always complimented me about how pretty I was, how smart, witty, cute, adorable, funny and bright I was, and how much he loved me... How precious I was... They were all lies, of course. I see that now. None of those things were true... none of them.
The first actual abuse started a few months after we moved into my grandparent's house, it was early in the morning and most everyone was asleep. Grandpa worked the graveyard shift, so he just got home and went to bed. I was bored so I went to go play with the sock puppets and dolls my grandpa kept in his bedroom closet. I thought he was asleep, so I was careful to be quiet, but... he wasn't asleep. I didn't notice when he got out of bed, but I noticed when the bedroom door closed, and locked. When I looked, grandpa was sitting on the side of his bed, naked. I tried to leave, but he stopped me and said I wasn't allowed to go. So like a good girl, I stayed, and did what I was told.
He told me to take my clothes off... and like a good little girl, I did what I was told.
Then he started touching himself... I didn't want to watch him, but he told me to. And so I did... Like a good little girl...

Afterwards, once he was done, I was allowed to leave... and the day went on as it normally did. I didn't tell anyone about it... I didn't even understand what had just happened, what could I possibly say? Besides, whenever I did speak a word, no one listened... aside from grandpa... I thought I could just forget it all ever happened, and so I buried it, deep in my memory... but it happened again. And again. Slowly, the things he did got worse, and worse, and worse. He'd slowly involve me more and more, and more, and more in his sick and twisted fantasies. And the most sickening thing was, that I never told him to stop. I played along, did what I was told, like a good little girl. I did what I was told. Even though it hurt, I did what I was told.
After about a year... my daddy found a job, in another state. Before I knew it, we were packed up and moving away. Had to give grandpa one last hug, and then we left... and never came back to that place. I was somehow able to bury all of those memories, block them out, and keep them away, for quite a few years... But the emotions, and the pain, I couldn't keep buried. I became violent, angry, depressive and suicidal. I've somehow managed to deal with and cope with a lot of memories, and misplaced feelings, and come to terms with the fact that I was used and abused by my grandfather... I'll deal with it. by myself. Alone, like I was before grandpa hurt me. I'm better off, alone and by myself. Without emotional attachments...
Ever since that day, these horrible, negative thoughts keep pounding in my head and I can't get them out. I'm useless, stupid, dumb, a liar, a slut, and a cold-hearted empty shell of a monster. It's all my fault, my life is useless. Pointless. A waste of time, energy, and space. I'm better off dead... says the thoughts in my head. I try not to listen to them, but... it's difficult not to.
And there's a child's voice... my voice... constantly whimpering and chanting as I try to fall asleep, "I'm a good girl, right? ...I'm a good girl, right? ...I'm a good girl, right? ..." Over and over and over and in the most doubtful of voices... of all the others... that's the worst.
Perhaps I'm crazy... maybe all that had happened is all in my head... After all, grandpa was a good person. He must have had a good reason, for having done what he did to me... Right? ...

I have not been able to tell anyone about what happened. And I don't think I ever will tell my parents... Or any 'trusted' adult... There really aren't any, for me. know that what I've gone through is probably minor compared to other hardships that others have gone through.

I want to become a journalist, or an editor, but It's probably pointless. I'm not smart enough, for a good job like that?

Anyways? That's my story? it's not much, but...Don't remember why I even wrote this, now... It's nothing but the secrets of a depressed girl who can't sleep anymore...

Me...




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Child Abuse Story From J

by J
(Location Unknown)

When i was five my cousin would call me in his room and tell me to take off clothes. I told him that i did not want to but he took them off of me anyway. He through me on the bed and got on top of me and started going up and down on me he would also make this nosie.when he was done with that he would flip and had his pritate part in my mouth and he would lick me down there. He got up and he told me to get my sister because she was nexted. so i did. That when on doing that everyday till i was 9. That was a living hell. My dad came to get us from our grandma but the abuse did not stop their. His friend would abuse me again.
Im now 15 and im still being abused.




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Child Abuse Story From Samantha

by Samantha
(California, USA)

most people think of some dirty old guy when thet think of a pedophile. the person who did this to me was none of those things. she was not evil or gross. she was young and beautiful..she was my mother. most people don't believe a mother would do this but it's true. trust me i wish to God i were lying right now but thats not the case.Due to my mother being sick during her pregnacy i was born with cerebral palsy but its only in my legs. with my braces on i can walk and work and live normally like everyone else around me. My father left shortly after i was born so i lived with my mother.she never physically abused me, in fact she barely raised her voice to me. heck,once when i was little i was throwing this ball around after she told me not to and eventualy it hit a vase causing it to smash to the floor. this is the one time she even came close to hitting me and all she did was whack my behind a few times and put me in the corner. but even so i would have rather she hit me than violate and confuse me like she did. the first time i remember it when i was 4 while she was giving me a bath she kept rubbing on my privates and it felt strange then she stuck her finger in and it i was shocked by the pain and started to cry. she said that it was ok snd that i'd start to enjoy it in time. i never did it was just painful. after that it just seemed to get worse. she'd perform oral sex on me at night and i was very confused it seemed wrong but it didn't hurt like the other thing it felt good. i now know those feeling were only a simple response i couldn't control. By the time i was 7 she had taught me how to do things to her as well. i always felt so dirty after as if i had done something wrong. she worked during the day but got temporarily moved to evening hours so i stayed with my mothers freind N-- russian i remember thinking her accent was so cool. as i started to trust her more she started to ask me more about my mother. apparently N-- was the only one who realised something was off about her. one night i started to cry and finally told her what had been going on. she was shocked but she believed me and reported it. i went to live with my grandmother who would never hurt a child. i graduated top of my class. i now live and work in the same town as a social worker. my mother was arrested and has since moved out of state. i still see N-- around town. she still calls me her baby but thats ok coming from the person who saved me. sometimes scary as it is the only way to stop it is to tell someone.




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Child Abuse Story From Montana

by Montana
(Canada)

well first of, my story isn't even close to being bad
Not as bad as some of the stories i read.

Second,even though it isnt very bad , ihaven't let go yet, or dealt with it very much. .. :/

Okay so im 15 now, and growing up
i was sexually abused
it started when i was maybe 5-7 iknow forsure i was WAY younger then 10 & i remember one time. idontknow why, but i think i blocked it out some way,or somehow ijust cant remember it all.

-this time it was only me, the other girl he usually abused wasnt there- (idont know how it started )but one day me
this guy that ilived with
were in a room at the house i lived at
,and from that point all i can remember
is him telling me he would show me 'something'
he called it 'white stuff'
so i said okay, and he told me to touch him,by that time his pants was down,
so i did what he said ..
& whatever .. then i remember he said
ihad it too,so he started touching me and stuff :( ..

- he lied, i listened, i was stupid.
thats only part of the story,& it wasnt only me, the girl i lived with went through this too, she was older, so She remembers more, and usually he did that to both of us at the same time. but this one time it was just me & its all i remember, i think i blocked the rest out. since she remembered more iasked her if it were real,andif it did happen she told me it happend ALOT ..
`my innocents was torn away from me`
since then i trust nobody. my childhood sucked.
i was soo stupid. ithought it was okay.
& i hid it for years, i finally told someone when i was 13-14 since then i still dont know how to deal with it. ive been gettting sent to see councellors but they are starting to get me mad, so i pretty much gave up on them. now i keep this to myself, because idont need other ppl stressing over soemthing stupid. istopped bugging my parents for help.not once have i talked about it to them after they found out...(they didnt find out from me either.)
but anyways thats the story ..




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Child Abuse Story From Peter

by Peter
(England)

It started when I was around 4. My brother called me into his room (he was a teenager, 14). I went in and his was watching porn and he said that I had to do what the porn did. I wasn't exactly forced into it but I did it anyway, not knowing anything better.

My brother never did anything to harm me physically but emotionally he has.

He did this for a year or so. It stopped when my other brother who is 2 years younger than me came out with "he stuck his willy up my bum". Those words changed my life.

My brother was taken out of the home and was put on councilling etc for years.

I was referred to the NSPCC. It turns out they didn't help. I was then given councilling for my flash backs. I was also deemed a risk as apparently I could of done the things my brother did to me to other people.

It's been ten years now and I have a good relationship with my brother. We have all come to terms with the tragedy that happened and we've all recieved help for this.

My brother has a soon to be wife, and she is pregnant. It has caused so many problems for him and I'm scared for myself in case I have a girlfriend who is pregnant.

I still get these flash backs and I still get down.

I've never fully talked to someone about it face to face. I tend to give vague answers.




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Child Abuse Story From Kiesha

by Kiesha
(Location Undisclosed)

I remember the first day like it was yesterday.My grandma was at work where she usually was and T-- her husband was outside. I was sitting in the living room watching clifford the big red dog and coloring and I broke my crayon. T-- came in and told me that my picture was ugly and that I was stupid and I was a mistake and that my grandma shouldve just made my mom keep me because I ruined his relationship. I started crying because I didnt know what I did. He grabbed me by throat and pulled me to the garage(which was seperate from the house cause we lived out in the country) He hit me over and over again threw me into the walls until I couldnt stand after that he layed me on the ground with his knees on my arms and hit me till I passed out. That was the day everything changed. My grandma had a important trip she had to make and when she came home that day he told her I ran off and he couldnt find me. I was locked in the shed on the other part of the property and she left. From that day on he beat me. My grandma finally realized what was going on but she did nothing. He would starve me for days on end. Lock me in the shed where the spiders where huge and seemed to be everywhere. I would scream for hours being able to feel the spiders crawling all over me. but being tied up I was not able to move. He would fill up the bathtub with water and force my head under until i passed out and he would pull me out and do it again. It was all his little game. He would pick me up and throw me on the ground. He broke both of my wrist and my arm and overlaped the bones. and I am now deaf in one ear. and have scars from where he burned me and cut me. This went on untill a year ago. One day he told me to get out and make dinner because my mom was not home. and he had to go to somewhere. I remember sitting there pondering what I should do. So I packed up everything valuable that he and my mom had. Took all the food I could get along with money and I ran. I lived on the streets for a while until I met a woman who took me in. I was so scared that if i told her she wouldnt want me anymore I promised I would be good.. She pressed charges against my gma and her husband and adopted me. The momories still haunt me but Im proud tho say that.. I SURVIVED!!




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Child Abuse Story From Deaja

by Deaja
(Location Undisclosed)

i am going to start from the beginning,my mom and my dad were highskewl sweethearts and my mom had me at a young age. My father was a "gangster" so he says and he grew up without a father in his life and his mom was a single mother. she worked hard but my father wanted to do what he wanted to do so he moved out because he didnt want to follow her rules. My mom was a pretty girl who my father wanted and they fell in love. after i was born my father disapeared and my mom thought he just up and left but really he was in jail for a hit and run. then out of nowhere when he got out he decided to pop back up in my life and i didnt know who he was and i remember that day like it happened yesterday, because if he never came back into my life i wouldnt have this story to tell. but if he never came back in my life i wouldnt be who i am today and i wouldnt be in love with the most amzing boy anyone could ever meet.to get back on topic when my father came back in my life my mom had had my sister by another man and when we were living by ourselves we lived with my moms boyfreind D-- he was a good father figure in my life and i havent seen him in ten years. D-- left when my father came back into the picture, i think he did this because he was afraid of my father because my father really is crazy. so we were all living together my mom, me , my sis, and him"MY FATHER." then they decided to get married and they did augest 2004. their wedding day was a sighn that this marriage was gonna be bad because a big storm came in on their wedding day and caused alot of problems. soo a few years after they were married when i was about nine the abuse started he would beat my mom because he was a cheater and she would catch him and he would get mad and hit her. from what i saw he tied her up and had her leaning over the deck, he filled the bath tub up and pushed her face in the water, he would hit her and one time he left us in the house with no water because he turned it off. and the phone lines. ok one time on our family vacation he told my mom to get out of the car and walk back to virgina but he eventually let her back in the car because all of his kids were in the back seat watching him.. me and my lil sis who is two tears younger than me would always screem and tell him to stop but he would tell us to shut up! and we would because we were young and scared. my mom even went to jail because of him but it was only to protect her. my other famlily knows about this but when they tried to help my dad put holes in my aunt tires and spray painted my grandmas house and broke her windows and forced my sis to tell the police that my grandma tried to close my sis hands in the door. he has did much more that i dont even want to get into. but! my mom isnt off the hook she has done stuff to. ok u remember when i told u that my sis is not my fathers child well they went to court on this matter and forced my sis to say that she didnt want to see or live with her father and my dad treats her different from the rest of us because she's not his child. before the court agreed with what my sis was forced to say my mom would take my sis to go see him and i would always tag along. and when we got home my mom would tell us to lie to my dad about where we were. but they would beat us when we lied? crazy rite.. my parents have choked punched beat me smack me in the face pulled my hair and emotionllay scarred me for life. i was never the same after that. they threaten me all the time especially whenit comes to boys my dad says he would kill me and my boy friend if i ever get one. well the boy i talk to know i would die for because he cant take him away from me. my life has been bad but i just keep looking at the positives and trust me their arent many. i just belive that god has put me through this stuff for reason and i just have to live with it until im out of highschool. my mom is stuck in a marriage with a man she is scared of and has had 4 kids with him not including my ahlf sis. i love her the same because i jus found that part out this year and i been loving her so why stop? my life has put me through a lot but im going to be okay because a specail somebodyin my life has made that possible for me. soo i hope you all enjoy my story and maybe you could help me forgive my parents.. thank you




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Child Abuse Story From Jo

by Jo
(Indianapolis, Indiana, USA)

When i was about five years old... my older half brother started touching me. It went on for about six years. My brother is about 8 years older than me. At first it was touching thhen it turned to him asking me to french kiss him and he started asking me to perform oral sex on him and performing oral on me. He would sneek in my room at night and touch me and look at me while masterbating while i just acted like i was sleeping. When i was about seven he showed me how to masterbTe with a shower head and would walk in regularly while showering to watch and eventually it just pprogressed. Hde' bribe me and most the time i went along. The fact that i went along makes me feel as though its just as much my fault. I know i didnt know any better but still......He passed me around to his friends sometimes after school and i would have to run and hide till my mom got home. He never tried intercourse vaginally just anally. He would do it until i said it hurt.... then stop. Sometimes he would seek me out while at my friends and make me come home to do "whteever".... im 29 now... believe it or not i dont think he is a monster.... i think he was hurt as a child and it was a domino effect. I never told till i was 18 and nothin much was done when i did. I do think that i have long lasting deep wounds caused. Y the dirtiness of the situation... I wonder if I'm wrong to find forgiveness. He has children and do not feel whatsoever that anything has happened to him..... how do u get past the demons that it causes. I feel forever tainted and will never function as a normal woman. Some think we should talk about it but we have never because of me.... i never want it spoke of. Is that wrong. My other brother died years ago... And my mother just passed.... i only have my father and him left so i feel forgiveness is my only option.




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Child Abuse Story From Kellie

by Kellie
(Brisbane, Australia)

My Life With My Abusers Then My own Hell For Years: 
My story starts way back when i was 18 months old my mum died .My dad couldn't at the time or didn't at the time want to look after me so he gave me to my granparents an my 3 brothers to a home somewhere else.He use to come an drag me away from my poppy an nanna an i would go screaming.

It was more phsyical an mental abuse at first, my dad use to lock me in cupboards when i was a baby an then when he was finished with me (so to speak) he would just dump me back to my granparents place an then come drag me away again when ever he wanted to .

I lived with my granparents till i was about 7 years old,my big sister got married nan an pop thought it would be a good idea for me to move in with my sister because i needed to go to a bigger school ,(plus my sister had full custody of me as long as she was fit an well that was the clause from the courts) I loved it because my sister just had a baby boy everything was great until we moved into a house thats when things started to change for me not that i knew that at the time tho .

My brother inlaw put me to bed one night an he started to fondle with me i thought it was a game as you do as a child (funny being a kid an not knowing that that good feeling is bad),well that when on for 2 years it didn't get much worse over that period of time, I was 9 years old by this time happy child so i thought but then my sister fell ill she was in hospital for weeks an my dad got wind of this through the family next thing he was on the front door step.

My sister had only just got out of hospital a couple of days before hand so she wasn't up to anything , I was excited of couse he was my dad an then he asked me if i wanted to go on a holiday but a 1 way holiday so being excited about my dad i said yes .

So we set off to sydney we had to sptop a motel on the way of course an being all excited i wanted to sleep with my daddy for the first time ever yay.

Well what i remember is waking up an feeling my dad doing to same thing to me as my brother inlaw did didn't think much of it then of cause but by the time I hit 12 years old an hit high school an started to have sex ED thats when i started to work out what these people are doing to me so the best a kid thinks of is to get away from them hey so i did i ran away an ran into the arms of drugs an striping an selling myself till i was 17 .

I had been in an out of homes from the time i was on the streets I lived on the streets of kings cross for about 5 years cause i would run away from the homes they would put me in everytime .I remember when i was in one home that my sister got in contatc with welfare to try an find me an of cause they knew where i was( in a home),but hey when they contacted the house parents an told me what was happening i was so excited to see her i couldn't wait,Well everything worked out all papers where signed an off we went back so again everthing was great.

It started again but this time he went the whole way an my sister caught him in the act an yeah i moved then felt my sister hated me i did until this xmas just gone we meet up again after 20 years damn crying now .

You know i have always fought for everything in my life an fought for my kids through a craped up 20 year marriage.

That is basically my story i was raped when i was 12 by a stranger an my brother in-law had sex with me too no wonder i thought that was what love was for me, SEX for years.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Angel

by Angel
(Location Undisclosed)

i just turned 18. from the time i was a baby my father molested me. i went to live with my grandparents when i was 9 months old, but my parents were legally allowed to take me to their apartment for sleepovers. i was 4 the first time i went there. my dad would buy me candy and stuff and then touch me in a bad way. i loved my dad soooo much but i hated what he did but i would let him because i wanted him to love me and he said he wouldn't anymore if i didn't let him. i worshiped my parents every move. my mom used to poke around in my privates when she changed me and yes i can remember that far back. i always have infant flashbacks of when they were around. the 2nd time i went to their house i was 6 and by that age i was still in diapers i was too afraid to poo because of my dad ramming his fingers in my rear. mom and dad dragged me into their bathroom mom had me by the hair and dad had me by my pants and they almost shoved me into the toilet trying to force me to poo. then my dads drug dealer came to the house and my dad tried to cheat him so he threatened my dad and my dad took him out in the alley and beat the crap out of him and left him in a lake of his own blood while i watched. by two baby sisters that did live with my parents slept through it all. the next day my dad took me to that same alley and introduced me to a bunch of his friends who i now know were prostitutes (i was 6 i didn't know why they were half naked and had their pants undone) were he promptly shoved his hand down my pants and i passed out from fright. i think he raped me after that but i was never sure until a year ago, when i found the tiny pair of undies i had worn that horrid day and there was a red spot in them. i had not started my period yet at 6 obviously. i won't get into some of the things he did while i visited them. every sunday my parents would come to my grands house and my dad would touch me every chance he got. he'd say "you want a piece of me, punk?" and then grab my crotch. when i was 7 he was kicked out of moms house for molesting one of my other sisters and moved out of state. i was devastated. i loved him and hated him and still feel that way. i have seen him only a few times since then and he hurts me everytime but i have to see him or he threatens to abandon me. he is not in jail because the court said there wasn't enough evidence my sister and i were to scared to testify. we were freaking 8 and 10 for crying out loud!!! it gets worse. when i was 14 some close friends of my family moved into our house and 1 month after they moved in the husband went crazy and drugged my drink one night and i blacked out...i can only guess what happened by the fact that a short while later after having several pregnancy symptoms i saw an obvious little blob with a black dot (its eye) in the toilet one morning. i was devastated and terrified. to make it worse two weeks later his pregnant wife had her baby i was soooooooo jealous i hated him and her and the baby!!! i knew he was molesting the baby and i was to jealous i never said anything!! i feel so stupid because i was too scared of him to ever tell just like i never could tell on my dad. when i did get the courage to tell my grands about the whole drugging and miscarry thing they were skeptical. the family moved out and disappeared off the face of the earth before we could have them arrested. i tried to kill myself after all that soooo many times and i was locked up in the hospital for a while. i've been to couselors galore but nothing has helped. i still cut myself and i hate myself and my life and nobody knows just how badly i still feel. i want to be married someday and have a family like a normal person but i'm not kidding, the very IDEA of sex sends me literally into a panic attack. i'm more terrified of sex than anything else in the world even if i knew i could trust the guy and loved him with my whole heart i'm terrified of "that part" of the male body and i never want to see one again. i dream about sex all the time everywhere and i wake up screaming i'm so scared. and i can't hold babies now even though i love them more than anything i'm just so afraid they're gonna die right in my arms and there won't be anything i can do to save them. the worst part is i'm a Christian and i feel like i should be healing and like i should be an example to others. i feel like it's all my fault i'm like this. i know God loves me and i don't blame Him for what happened to me, but even my pastor freaked out when i was in love with his son because of my past and now his son dumped me. i spend half of my life crying and i rarely sleep my dad ruined my life and i feel like an idiot because i love him anyway. now he and my mom are both really sick and mom could be dying and i'm completely devastated!! if she ever died i would probably kill myself because i can't bear to lose her!! she has changed from what she was and she is so nice and kind and loving now and i'm just starting to get a bond with her. i don't want my dad to molest me anymore but i don't want him to dump me either. so much other stuff has happened in my life that has helped ruin it but i'm to tired and upset to write it all now. thanks for letting me write. i just needed to talk to someone. i know i can talk to God but sometimes a need to talk to a person who understands too. i know my story truly isn't as bad as most on here but i just had to get it out. how can anyone hurt their own child that came from them???? how can anyone do that??? no child out there deserves anything less than love and all it's fruit in their lives. sorry my story is so long. to all the molesters out there: i know you were hurt as a child but don't take it out on your child! UNDO what was done to you by getting help and being the best person to a child you can be! you didn't deserve to be hurt and neither do we! i love you just like i love the children who you were once just like. you could help them instead of harm them! if you need sex that badly, seriously, get a spouse! if you already have one, get it from them, not us children! and if that still doesn't matter, get help!!! just stop hurting poor innocent kids!!!!! :(




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Child Abuse Story From Maia

by M a i a
(Location Undisclosed)

I was raped repeatedly at summer camp, two summers in a row. I was 7 and 8. I'm now 18 and trying to come to terms with what happened. For a few reasons I already had a strange outlook on male authority figures. I've done a lot of reading recently and I have a lot of classic symptoms displayed by victims which is somewhat disturbing to me, for a while I had myself convinced I was strong and unaffected. I never told anyone what happened until recently, though I can't remember who the man was so I don't see a point in telling someone who will try and get me to do something about it, it kills me that he's probably still out there but I can't help it. Ive told 3 people to date but made it clear to all I don't want anything in particular from them, experimentation is the key in my approach right now. So writing this is strange for me. I won't get into the details too much but what he did to me was cruel. He violated me and he knew about me, he earned my trust and groomed me then got into my head, made me call him Daddy. I was completely under his control because he had me convinced he was the only person who could ever love me. I believe he did love me but not in a normal way, I was everything he needed and I submitted to him. He'd cut me, burn me, punch me in the stomach over and over again. I don't really think that posting this will help me, I don't want sympathy but I need someone to understand. I don't know anyone else who has experienced anything like this that I'm aware of so although the people I've told did the best they could to understand and give me support, you can't know unless you know, you know? I have no encouraging words, I mean I suffer from this all the time. I was too scared to sleep with anyone male for a long time but needed the intimacy and validation of sex so I slept with girls. I don't know if I'd have done that if I'd never been abused, I don't know much. I have a lot of emotional problems that are directly attributed to this, I live pretty normally from an outside perspective but have nightmares, I've done a lot of drugs and drinking though that's pretty much stopped, I used to cut myself, I've done some really stupid risky reckless things. This being a secret from my family has put a big strain on things because they can understand why I am the way I am, which is my fault for not telling them but at the time it seemed absolutely impossible. I've spent this long keeping it from them so telling is not something I'll ever do. I have a lot of guilt. There's no graceful way to end this but if anyone is reading this who's thinking of suicide just please don't do it today. Someone once asked me to put it off until tomorrow and by the next day I wasn't sure, thats the only reason I'm writing this.




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Child Abuse Story From Jordin S

by Jordin S
(Kentucky, USA)

i've always been abused i guess.when i was 4,my daddy took me away from my mommy,they were screaming at each other,than there was a loud boom,and then,mommy was crying,and daddy came in my room and picked me up and took me to the car.he said "shh,everythings fine hon.we're just going on a trip" i looked out the window and saw my mommy crying and screaming.then,we drove off.Me and daddy moved into another house,i asked about mommy,and he slapped me,he told me to forget her,she didnt want me anymore,he was the only who loved me now.daddy started drinking alot,and yelling at me.he started touching me in private areas and kissing me.i didnt like it,i told him to stop,but,he said that's what daddies do.daddy was timid sometimes,he'd be fine one day,then jumpy the next. he died my hair a different color,and made me wear glasses.he told people that my name was ashley,not jordin. Daddy beat me every day,and touched my privates alot at night.he made me sleep with him.at school,i just went along,i kept to myself,and flinched alot.i thought it was normal for people to hit each other.once,i spent the night with a friend,her parents called her in the living room,and i told her to be brave,she came back in 5 minutes,and i looked at her in awe.i said "you didnt cry?" she asked what i was talking about,i said when my daddy hits me,i cry.she said her parents never hit her,and i wondered if something was wrong with her family.When i went back home,my daddy yelled at me,he beat me and gave me a black eye.he would leave me in the house by myself alot,to go drinking.I hated the house,it was dark and scary.when he came back,i grabbed onto him and crying "please,don't leave me daddy,i'm sorry" he found out that i was scared of the dark and started locking me in the closet at night.i cried untill i got sick.he left me there for the next 2 days.the teacher called the police and looked into it,they found me in the closet,and untied me,and let me go with them.When they led me into the room,they said i could play with the dolls there while i waited,when one went to leave,i started crying snd threw myself around his legs,and started screaming donlt leave me in the dark again,im sorry,im sorry,just dont leave! someone had to stay with me at all times,or,else i'd freak out. they tried contacting my mom,but,found out she committed suicide years before. i went to a foster home,and got pregnant by my foster dad when i was 14,i moved out with a man i met on the street,who is really sweet and my fiance now.even thoguh im 16,i have twin girls who are 2 now,and a fiance who loves us.thanks for letting me share my story.god bless you all.




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Child Abuse Story From Shelly T

by Shelly T
(Texas, USA)

I was molested as a child by my stepfather: 
At age 7 my mom separated from my dad..My dad I loved dearly. Before they separated she was sleeping with another man. She got pregnant and had a baby. One day my dad came to see us and she wanted to talk to him about the new baby. She says to him look here at your baby. Dad said it's not mine. she was really upset dad did not buy her story. Dad had a vasectomy and knew for sure it wasn't his. This only showed my dad he couldn't trust her and only complicated the situation. This forced mom to stay with the guy she cheated on my dad with. I am so upset that dad is not here..Mom moved the guy in when I was seven. He always would sit me on his lap and touch me in a way I knew but no one else did. He would come in my room at night for years. I told my mom at age ten I was so scared i knew something was wrong. She humiliated me in front of him and made me repeat to him what I told her. thought I was going to literally die.I thought she was going to protect me. She yelled at me to go back to bed and called me a liar. I started to cry and she said go to bed. I was so scared of EVERYTHING from that moment on I began to over eat, and I changed into someone I didn't even recognize. She treated me like I did something wrong my whole life and still is. wont talk to me but thinks she is going to have a relationship with my kids. She is married to the molester. To this day my mom has turned my brothers and sisters against me and most of my family she has continued for 35 years say I'm lying. She also lied to me about who my biological dad was. I found out on my own and she lied to me still. I had to find the man who I was told was my biological dad to find out the truth because even at age 30 she lied to me. You tell me who the liar is..I have more but that is the most of what happened to me. Needless to say I have some issues still and am finding what my triggers are and trying as best I can to eliminate them. It is hard when you cant afford to get help for your condition.




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Child Abuse Story From Rachel

by Rachel
(Scotland)

Im 13 years old and my dad shouted and told me i have no friedns and no family and that he wants nothing to do with me i have been in a state for daays and i dnt want to live in a house with him anymore and i feel like i wanna go baak to how i was before, i wasnt eatiing and i was makeing myself sick to make people notice me a really dnt know what to do:/




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Child Abuse Story From Steve

by Steve
(Location Undisclosed)

Early seventies and there was myself and 2 other lads. We always stayed behind after church to clean up and put books away. One week there was just the 2 of us and i went to tell the vicar we had finished. The vicar was all smiles as normal and ask if i wanted a drink. Normally he would just fetch us the drinks and that was that. We would go home, i thought the other lad had gone so instead of being rude and refusing i said yes please. We got talking, first about school, then about what i was planning after school. Then about girlfriends, not the sort of topic you would discuss with your vicar but i was comfortable i suppose. Then the subject changed quite easily to masturbation. How he manage that to this day i do not know but i started talking. Told him yes that i had done it, then he asked me to show him how, sounds really crazy but i did just that. He then started touching me and saying things like you mean you do it this way. I really wanted to go but he grabbed my arm and told me to stay were the f**k i was. He got undressed in front of me. I had to perform oral on him but that was not all. I really wanted to leave but he made me take off my trousers and pants, then he raped me. I had never screamed so much in my life. The lad who was in the church with me cleaning up came running into the room. I thought he would stop it but he just smiled liked he expected it. Then he stood in front of me and made me do oral on him. I have never told anyone else this story, even my adult mind tries to make sense of it. I still went to church next Sunday.




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Child Abuse Story From Martha Y

by Martha Y
(Arkansas, USA)

I am almost 50 years old, and the memories of being taken to an X rated movie with my brother who is 12 years older than I recently became a valid part of my memory. I was 13 at the time and he was 25. He told me not to tell anyone, and that since I was older now (a teenager) I was ready to experience grownup stuff. He whispered this to me and said this was our secret. I felt honored.

I was extremely glad that my older brother was paying attention to me. He had a great deal of power over me because he had been to Viet Nam and my mother adored him. I was very excited when he picked me up that day. I had no idea what his grownup venture involved.

I sat next to the passenger's side clinging to the door from the beginning of the movie. I did not know much, but I strongly sensed this was wrong. I remember praying for God to forgive me.

He never touched me that night, but I know his intentions were not good. I narrowly escaped. I recently began working with abused children; it was my experiences with the youth that made me realize what my brother's intentions were. I am angry. I deleted him from my phone.

He had a history of being mean to me. I felt that he finally thought I was worthy of his attention. My innocence was what he wanted. I am angry. I do not want to talk to him.




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Child Abuse Story From Shawnte

by Shawnte
(South Carolina, USA)

The story I'm about to share is for those who are embarrassed and blame themselves for being abuse. In my story you will find how some secrets such as this can really affect your whole life. My mother had me when she was 14 yrs old. My father was 19. All my life my mother would yell at me and beat for little things I still believe as an adult (34 yrs old) was simply because she believe I had taken her life away or she knew something about my father she didn't want to admit and took it out on me. I started wetting the bed at 4 yrs old. My mother beat me out of my sleep every time. I was very fearful of her. I didn't stop wetting the bed until I was almost a teen. I began masturbating when I was 7 yrs. old from secretly watching adult videos and became very promiscuous at the age 13. I had very low self esteem. I dressed very provocative in my teen years and buried every situation that hurt me. No one knew about my troubles because I hid them well. I began to dress well and I always kept a decent career. It wasn't until I was about 25 yrs old that I realized that I keep having this crazy dream. In my dream, I was about 2-4 yrs old. I was in this little room with a window. I was laying down looking out the window and my father was on top of me. He ask me if he was hurting me and I shook my head and said "uh huh" (yes). Instead of him leaving me alone, he continued but in a gentle manner. When he finished, he got up, went to the bathroom and came back to wash me down there. I then began to acknowledge that this was not a dream. I decided to tell my mother what happened and she stated to me " He's dead, why are you telling me now". Seven years later, my grandmother which was the only person who I felt truly loved and cared for me died... I never told her but I believe she knew something was wrong... I began to seek counseling about two years ago. All the negative issues in my life rained down on me to the point that nothing could help. I never turned to drugs but I did start to drink once my grandmother passed on. Finally, I learned my father was molesting me for years. Memories are popping up in my head all the time. Memories such as him picking me up by my neck because I called him by his first name. Memories of my mother slapping and calling me names in the street. Memories of when I first started wetting the bed after being molested by my father. The dream I was having had finally stopped and I'm learning to deal with it. Please don't let what's happening to me happen to you. I am so sad and feel so alone and embarrassed that I waited so long to say something. At the same time, I'm glad I did because I can began to heal. Everyday I feel less embarrassed but I still feel alone because there is no one with similar issues. Currently, I still have problems keeping a relationship because of my trust and insecurity issues. I could've had so much more enjoyment out of life if only I would've told someone and dealt with this sooner. If anyone has any advice to help me, it would be greatly appreciated. If not, I hoped I helped someone.




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Child Abuse Story From Vanessa

by Vanessa M
(London, England)

It started at around ages three to four. I would come home, and my father and mother would be yelling or fighting. I'd try my best to get past them, but they would usually see me. My father would take off his belt and start hitting me for no good reason; my mother would then throw glass bottles at me, or beat me with a wooden stick, leaving deep gashes on my body. Then they would both start hitting me. just plain hitting, but it hurt. Eventually they'd go back to fighting, and I'd be left on the floor, forgotten until the next day; this went on everyday until a few days ago. The day I got the guts to tell someone. Now, I'm in a foster home, which made me move to London all the way from Australia where I already have a new life. I encourage anyone who is being abused in any way, or by any one to just TELL SOMEONE. Even if you're threatened to not tell, like I was. Just find, dig as deep as you can, and find your inner courage.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Jennie W

by Jennie W
(Mississippi, USA)


I was...about seven when the abuse started. At first, it was just my mother being abused. I would lie awake at night, listening to my Mothers screams. One night, I was lying awake when He came into my room. The door flew open and there he was, face flushed in anger. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me from my room. I was confused and scared. I didn't understand what was happening. My mother started screaming when he flung me onto the living room floor beside her. Her face was bruised and her nightgown was ripped. She was screaming at him not to hurt me. That he could do anything to her...just begged him to leave me alone. Well, of course he didn't listen. He grabbed his belt off the table and just started swinging...hitting both of us.

The next day, I was covered in welts. Mother sat me down and explained that daddy had just lost his temper and that he didn't mean it. I was so young that I believed her. Things were good for a while...until he lost his job. The abuse escalated then. He blame mother for always making him late, not washing his laundry, etc. Sometimes, he'd lock me in my room for days...with no food or water. I was terrified every day...practically afraid for my life.

Things got better once again when he found another job. After that, mother enrolled me in a local day care center so that I would have to be at school so much. The abuse was limited, with only a slap here and whipping there, for a solid year. I was in kindergarten, had lots of friends, and was actually enjoying life. I think it was about the 3rd week of school when the abuse started again. I came home one day and found mother still at work. Father was home, which was unusual, and he'd been drinking. Immediately, he went off. He started cussing and screamed at me, for no apparent reason. He told me that he should just kill me and end his misery. He didn't, of course, but he did lock me in room after beating me for a straight hour.

This went on for...about 10 years. I got pregnant when I was 17, by a wonderful young man, and we were going to get married. But I lost the baby because of my father. He found out and tossed me down a flight of stairs. I broke three rips, my arm, and my leg. I also ruptured my kidney and punctured a lung. He was arrested but was let out on bail. He...he then went and did the same to my baby's father. J---, that was his name, was not so fortunate as I. He died during surgery that same night. I look back now on the years of abuse and cannot imagine how I survived. I live in constant fear that father will find me again. I've changed my name twice, moved about seven or eight times, and I can never seem to get close to a man. Also, I can have another child. I've looked into adoption. But, seriously, who in their right mind, is going to give a 20 year old woman with my background a child?




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Angela

by Angela
(Phoenix, Arizona, USA)

oh my god i cant believe iam doing this. its kind of like writing in my journal but hopefully someone is out there understanding. my mother got married young and only after three months of knowing my dad? she soon became pregnent with me, her second child she was forced to give up a baby boy when she was 17 in those days it was a disgrace so her mom put her in one of those teen homes, i think my mom hated my grandmother for that. now back to me she wanted a boy so bad but no luck, she said to me when i was a kid she did not want to hold me. i guess things were normal for a few years she got pregnent again and surprise another girl. soon after that she told us our dad was sleeping with the babysittir,bye bye daddy/ we moved to another state so we could live with my grandparents. i dont remember much i think i was 2 or 3 my mother got an apartment, i remember her trying to get me to take a nap, but she had a boy in her room i kept begging her to put her bra back on she showed me it was on i snuck out of my room and saw her and that guy naked lying in bed with him on top of her, it was weird looking. my mom was very pretty guys liked her, i do not remember much more i remember me and some other girl younger than me walked to 7 eleven i had stole a bunch of pennies my mom had in a jar, she was asleep, a half mile down the main road we got our candy, until the other girls mom came lookin for her worried and yelled at her for walking there. my mom was pissid i took her pennies, i did not get in trouble i was 3 years old.she got married again to a cool guy we were happy i guess he payed attention to me and i called him dad we moved into a nice house everything was nice it only lasted 3 years. then just like that the dream was gone and so was my dad? we moved in a townhome mom worked two jobs on her nights off she was gone i was mom she had her boy with dad, i begged her dont go over and over and over i wanted to die i just wanted my mother, she never gave in to me in school i was stupid my teacher would get so mad at me for not doing my work my teacher made me feel stupid because i didnt know things i wore clothes that were way to small. my mom never dressed us we would wear dirty clothes just crap/ i was having a breakdown and my mom just wanted go out and get laid.she would leave us with no food run amuck. then surprise dad calls he is in phoenix everything is better phx here we come. dad found a house i think he lasted only a few months then bye bye/ mom was back on the prowel i hhated when she left us alone all the time she ultitly found this one in a million super mex thats what he called him self he was an exmarine served front line in vietnam. he moved in shortly they fought alot when they drank too often mom barely aknowledged me or sis we did what we wanted never got grounded the game was to keep him happy, if he was happy so was she,in school i was always the quietest and stupedist / i hated being so shy i did not know how to communicate with others my sister the same, so i started to drink alot and sleep with whoever i could my mom found alchol bottles all over in my room and she made feel like sh*t she was more worried about the mess, i would sneak out all the time to go wherever and she knew i was leaveng but as long as he did not know, super mex was way into bodybuilding so he took steriods on top of that he had a brain tick from the agent orange, we called him beelzabul, my mom found out he was cheating i got so mad she was crying i tried to comfort her she pushed me away that always stuck with me she pushed my love away/ throughout my childhood i would try and talk to my mom and she could not hear me i would repeat myself louder and louder still she could just shut me out like that she did that all the time. my sister found a boyfreind when she was 14 he was 23 my mom loved him he called her mom. my sister was built different than me she had a nice body she was tan my mom thought she looked like vanna white. she would just rub it in my face how beautiful she was my mom took her clothes shopping and it was always the same this would look so good on her she has never taken an interest in my looks it was always how perfect my sister was and beautiful when shopping for prom dresses they left me to pick out my own dress while i watched them leave together to pick out her dress/ i wanted to look pretty for her to just say something nice she did not compliment me or even want a picture, but she got plenty of my sister i never put all this together my life since birth was leading up to this she made me a nobody she never had mother daughter talks never never an interest in me me me meme i wanted her to be my mom care for me that little girl never felt like a little girl i was always a burden i can not ever remembering you just reaching out to that sorry miserable girl. i remember you talking to when you were drunk saying if i could do it all over again i would of never of had you or your sister, thanks/ no wonder i became a drug addict alcholic with abusive men this was not my doing you created a mess, was i so bad or so ugly what what.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Nathan Part 1

by Nathan
(Wales, United Kingdom)

Before I write this story it may be pretty strange I would like to share it with others who have been absed, to some people it may not seem like I was abused just that I brought it on myself. This first part is what happened between me and my brother I get along with my brother now and we never talk about it hes married and i'm engaged, I may want to bring it up with him I dn't know why just that i want to ask how or why some people just may find it weird I dn't even know what to make of it wether it was just little boys being curiouse with each other, the worst part was the aftermath what social services done how they went about it we never was normal after that we never lived as together again, if I said no to these games then I have no doubt we would have stopped I remember saying no before and he was begging me so we done it I remember asking him if we could play, I even enjoyed it, I really dn't know how to describe it. When I was 10 or 11 me and my brother shared a bedroom my broher was 13, he had an idea of pretending to be babies, I remember him telling me somebody done it to him thats were he got the idea. I'd never herd of sexual intercourse and I'd never really done anything like that before I had no sexual knowledge at all I didn't even know what puperty was I wondered why my brother was developing and I wasn't, well to put it bluntly why he had hair were I didn't.
This may be a long story, I feel every part is relevant, at 10 or 11 I used to wet the bed and mess myself I dn't know why it's like when I was dirty I used to hold it but it would come out soon, and when me and my brother was playing we used to pretend I done that and we were in school (pretend) so the teacher used to find out and send me to the nurse, my brother used to be the nurse, he would pull down my pants and lie me down and would wipe me with wet toilet tissue like he was cleaning me, he would turn me over or I would turn over and he would do the same but he would spread my bum like he was checking me and he would smell me and then pretend to put a nappy on me by putting my pants on me. I'm sorry if this sounds completely weird and too much detail, basicly my freinds became involed and we done the same untill one of them told his guardian and me and my friend were interviewed by social services and we had to go through a physical examination.

Basicly whilst me and my brother was playing he masterbated me and asked me to masterbate him, I remember him doing that to me until I had an orgasm, the feeling was so strong I remember a tingly sensation but very intense I didn't know what was happening it lasted a couple of minutes untill I could sit up straight, I did not ejaculate my brother asked if he could do it till what he called the white stuff comes out, I dn't think he knew what it was either but I said no because part of me didn't enjoy the feeling because I didn't even know what it was and I was even worried I dn't know what about probably of it hurting me, we never did that with my friends only the playing babies and I can't remember what happened when I did it to my brother I think my arms just got tired and I stopped again I didn't even know what it was I described it to social services as pulling my willy up and down my brother said it as wanking but I knew it was a swear word so I didn't say it, I remember getting used to it and hid in my bedroom to do it, I thought I was the only person that did this I was never talked to about the birds and the bees and still had no kowledge of sexual intercourse or anything like that. I remember having a sex ed class in school they were explaining about wet dreamsand puberty alot of it went over my head and I mistaked wet dreams for wetting the bed which I still had trouble with I thought bedwetting was part of puberty and when I had to go through the embarassment of being ridiculed by my sister I told her it was a wet dream she laughed and told me it wasn't and I had wet the bed my mum just stood by and agreed. After what happened with my brother I developed a fettish for being cleaned and put into nappies I remember doing the same with a friend a couple of years down the line I asked him and we started doing the same I went on a sleepover to his and I went to the bathroom and wet myself, I woke up my friend and acted like it was an accident hoping he would clean me but he gave me spare clothes in the end I admited to it and told him about my fettish and then he cleaned me and I masterbated him we were both 14 at the time we didn't do that many more times he didn't want to in the end we stopped.

Continued as Part 2.




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Child Abuse Story From Nathan Part 2

by Nathan
(Wales, United Kingdom)

Continued from Part 1: 
My sister was also my brothers age at this time my brother was living else were and I did not see him untill a few years down the line, as well as sexual abuse I also went through emotional abuse by my sister and it seemed like my mum just stood there and let her, when my mum found a job she went out alot work college and sometimes over friend and after school my sister was responsible for babysitting me but she was ompletely horrible to me she would make me stay upstairs all night she would tease me and if she had friends over she would tell them how much of an idiot I was, I remember her calling me skidmarks infront of her one friend and he just gave me a funny look and she explained as if I wasn't there he poos his pants and he said oh, this boy was my friend before but he said I was too immature for him again being ridiculed he was only a year older than me. I tried telling my mum she wouldn't listen I can't remember why wether she wouldn't believe me or she just wanted an easy life or I just didn't explain properly. Life became completely unbearable at home I was bullied at school and I felt like I couldn't speak to anyone my nan was there but she was with her partner I didn't know who my grandad was nor my dad, my nans partner didn't long come in to my life we didn't talk or anything I didn't even know what to do but i know I couldn't stay up my nans I started to explore I brought unlimited travel tickets I had a cinema pass as well so I went to Cardiff to watch a movie when I was 15, I asked a man for directions he led me there and then he started to talk to me first of all then he asked me if we could walk around so I went along with it he took me to a quiet part of town were nobody was immediately around and he started to talk sexual I also learned he was 58 part of me wasn't paying attention but I had the wanting to be cleaned fettish and I was Just thinking about that we walked a bit becuse he didn't want to look suspiciouse he was talking about pleasure and I tried to explain that I was different he said theres only one type of pleasure, I do not want to go into much detail with this as thinking about it sends shivers down my spine, we eventually got to his flat and I thought I would wet myself a bit as it might make him change me, I know this is completely strange but at 15 I thought that people would clean me if I had an accident I dn't know why we got up to his flat and he put his hand down to my pants I thought he noticed and was checking me, we got in the bedroom and he got undresse then I did, he asked me to touch him and he touched me then he asked if he could have anal sex I never herd of that before it hurt at first but he done it again then I got used to it, this happened untill my mum found out I was meeting him she instantly thought he was abusing me I denied it, she wasn't excatly very nice about it she told me I was dirty and she made me tell his adress she said she was going to send people round there to sort him out she took me to the police station and she told them her thoughts but they said he was known by them but not for that reason (he was actually a convicted paedophile but I was too scared to tell her). He seemed so nice I just wanted to escape the abuse at home part of me like the sexual abuse part of me didn't I knew it was wrong but he seemed like he cared for me as well.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous and 14

by Anonymous
(Colorado, USA)

I am 14 years old and for most of my life was part of an etremely loving close-knit family. For the first 8 years it was just my mom and I. We had a great relationship and were very close with our extended family. My mom and I did everything together (I was always called her mini me by our family). My best memories are of us going hiking and just talking along the way. We were very open and talked about everything, my mom is a psychotherapist. My mom had been dating a guy for quite a while however didn't really bring him around me until they were serious. He started to join us on our adventures (hiking, bike riding, chasing rainbows) and he treated us great. My mom had asked me how I would feel if they got married and I thought it would be a good idea. My mom was always happy and even more so when he was around. I had never had a dad (although I had uncles who treated me as their own) and was excited. It was great for the first months until my mom had my brother and then things changed. My "dad" didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I didn't really understand why but I was always a happy go lucky kid so I didn't let it bother me. I still had a great mom and that was what mattered to me. I was always a good kid and always wanted to please everyone. I guess in a way that is what got me into trouble. When I was 9 almost 10 my life began to fall apart. My "dad" started molesting me. At first he would just rub up against me in the kitchen or wherever we were in the house it made me uncomfortable but I didn't really think anything about it. However then he started to come into my room at night and he would lay next to me in bed and run his hands all over me. I would always keep my back to him and pretend I was asleep. He would never say anything until he left then would say not tell my mom because she would be crushed. I would never do anything to hurt my mom and he knew it. I never said anything even when my mom would ask me if anything was wrong or why I was so quiet. My "dad" would always tell me that my mom loved my brother and not me because he was their baby. I didn't believe him but then my mom and I grew apart. We would always spend Saturdays together just her and I and suddenly that stopped and with everything going on with my "dad" I just kind of withdrew and we stopped talking too. My "dad's" nightly visits started to become worse. One night he told me to stop pretending to be asleep and he rolled me onto my back he took my hand and made me give him a hand job while he told me how great it felt. He then started to rub me and then put his fingers inside of me. I started to cry and he told me that it only hurt the first time and then it would feel good just like it felt good when I touched him. That was a lie it never felt good in fact it only felt worse each time it happened. Everynight after that it seemed like he would make me do something different and even more disgusting. I never did say anything to my mom until that last night. He came into my room just like everyother night only this night he raped me. He forced me to give him oral and I thought that would be the end of it but then pinned me down on the bed and climbed on top of me. He said that everything else was just practice. I couldn't stop crying it hurt so much. He covered my mouth and told me to be quiet or I would wake up my mom and I wouldn't want her to see me. I stopped and I just felt numb. He left and told me again never to tell my mom. I just layed there not able to move and scared because I was bleeding. The next day I told my mom because I was scared because I had bled. I didn't tell her everything just that he had touched me. My mom was shocked. She talked to my "dad" and he said it was a misunderstanding. I know my mom believed me but she didn't know everything as I didn't tell her. I ended up going to stay with my auntie for awhile. My mom told me she wanted to separate my "dad" and me while things were figured out. After my mom dropped me off with my aunt I didn't see her again for a year. I completely withdrew and stopped talking altogether. After months with my aunt and me not talking I ended up in an inpatient mental health program. It was only suppose to be for a month but it ended up to be 5 months because I refused to talk there as well. I did eventually start communicating by writing in notebooks. I was finally allowed to go home (to my auntie's) to visit right before xmas. That is when I first saw my mom again. My whole family always goes to my grandma's for a few days at xmas. My mom and "dad" were there. I never said a word to anyone. On the last night we were there my "dad" tried to rape me again this time I fought back. I ended up with a broken wrist and bruised ribs but he did not get the chance to rape me again. I was suppose to go back to the hospital after xmas however my aunt took me home with her instead. My mom finally left my "dad" and I went back to live with her. It is still hard. My mom and I don't speak much. She tries but I always shut her out although I'm not sure why. I miss the relationship we had but don't know where to go from here. She still doesn't know everything that happened and I don't know how to tell her as I know it will hurt her even more. We go to therapy together and I also go on my own. It is difficult as I rarely talk. I still carry a notebook with me and that is the main way I communicate. I still love my mom. I don't blame her for anything that happened and I still want to be like her when I grow up. I plan to go to school to become a therapist as well and hopefully I can help kids who went through the same things as I did. I just have to find my voice first. Thanks for listening.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous and 14 Part 2

by Addison
(Boulder, Colorado, USA)

I’m not sure where to start, I first shared my story here a while ago as anonymous and 14. My name is Addison and I’m (still) 14 years old. It seems that everything yet nothing has changed. To sum up my past I was sexually abused by my stepdad nearly everyday for 2+ years. When I finally told I was so scared and simply said he touched me. My mom assumed it was a one time thing and he said it was all a misunderstanding. After I told I was sent to live with my aunt however after withdrawing to the point that I no longer spoke I ended up in a mental hospital. I didn’t see my mom again for a year and when I did finally see her I was beaten by my stepdad which is what prompted her to leave him. I have now been back at home for about a year. It’s been rough between me and my mom, mostly because I only started talking again in the last month. Things have gotten really bad between us and I need to tell her everything that happened when I was younger however, I don’t know how. Just having a normal conversation with her or anyone really is painful. I hate to talk. I have written things down many times but I always burn it or rip it up afterwards. I want to tell her it wasn’t a one time “misunderstanding” and hopefully then she will understand why I struggle so much and wont just think I’m crazy. I guess this is where my problem starts. I thought I had finally found the courage to tell her and then everything changed, I found out that my mom has been seeing my stepdad again or maybe she never really stopped I’m not sure. You see they have a five year old son and my stepdad comes to our house to pick him up for visits. My brother and I don’t really get along mainly because he hates me because its my fault that his dad doesn’t live with us. Lately my brother has been telling me that him, his dad and our mom do things together all the time and that his dad is coming back home. So the next time he came to pick up my brother I watched from the stairs, I wish I hadn’t. I overheard him and my mom making plans to meet later on and then saw them kiss. I feel so betrayed and hurt now. I know it’s my fault for not telling the whole truth in the first place but even though she thinks it was just once, isn’t that enough? Isn’t the fact that she saw me beat and broken enough? Why is that not a good enough reason for her to not be with him? I don’t understand. I asked her if she is getting back together with him and she said people make mistakes and when they learn and grow from them they deserve a second chance. I think she is the one that’s crazy, not me. Now my dilemma is to tell or not to tell. The way I see it no matter what I do, I lose. I’m afraid that if I tell now after 2 years and with the timing of finding out they are still together my mom will think I’m making it up to keep them apart. I’m afraid she will send me back to my aunt's or even worse I will end up back in the hospital, someplace I have no intention of ever going back to. I’m afraid that if I say nothing he will move back and it will start over again. I guess I’m just afraid of everything. I have talked to my aunt and asked her if I could come back to live with her and she agreed. I love my aunt and she treats me great but I want to be with my mom. I know it probably makes me sound crazy for wanting to stay when I could avoid all of this by going to my aunt's but I guess I just want my second chance. I want a chance to be a part of my family again. I want the mom that I once had back. I want things to be the way they once were. I realize this will probably never happen but I can’t stop wanting it. When I was younger my mom had told me that love was always choosing the highest good for the other person. As I type this I wonder if loving her and choosing the highest good for her would be for me to not say anything and to live with my auntie. That way at least she can be happy instead of both of us being miserable. Thanks again for listening. I may not talk much but at least I can write :)




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Kaitlyn

by Kaitlyn
(Ohio, USA)

I'm not sure where to start. I guess the first sentence is the hardest to write and I've already written two. I'm not sure when my abuse started I'm not even sure who started it. Last summer I started to have several memories come back to me. I was about 5 or 6 when my babysitters son and I had sex. He was about 5. I suspect it was grandpa that started it because when I was ten he molested me. I recently found out that I told my father that when I as 8 that his dad was doing things to me. But he just said "that's stupid". That it's "crazy shit." but see here's the thing I have memories of my father taking a shower with me. So I think he may have done something too. Especially since he asked my mom who else I had named. I used to think I was goIng crazy. That what I was remembering was nothing more than elaborate dreams but I no longer doubt myself. What I have trouble with is coming to terms with everything. I'm a senior in high school. I'm supposed to be looking toward my future not trying to figure out my past. My friends have noticed a change in me. Some of my friends know the truth but they don't understand. And rationally I knew they wouldn't but I couldn't help but feel disappointed when they didn't. My grandfathers kids including my fathr have started to talk about me on facebook. They call me a liar. Then others get on there and leave their little comments about me. People I dont even know are calling me a liar.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Kaitlyn1 Part 2

by Kaitlyn
(Ohio, USA)

When I first posted on here, I had just started therapy. My counselor recently had me start my trauma narrative. It's harder than I thought it would be. I got two sentences in before I had to quit. I was embarrassed with what I needed to write. Going in to my narrative I thought it would be somewhat easy to write it down. Well not exactly easy but freeing. But all it's done is bring up other memories. Is it normal for a little girl to stick things up her butt? I can't help but wonder why I did that. I mean, did someone stick something up my butt? And No four year old should perform oral sex on other kids. Did someone make me perform oral sex on them? How could the rest of my family not know what was happening? My mother caught me in the act once but she just yelled at me. Shouldn't she have been concerned or at the very least, wonder where I learned to do that. I was four! An average four year old wouldn't think to do that. And it's not like I'm her oldest kid. I'm sure the other kids didnt do that, so why didn't she see that something was going on?




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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