Am I obliged to report?

by Frank
(British Columbia, Canada)

I married a woman back in 1974, and being rather young and naive, I thought that this was a normal person. We had our first child in 1975 in New Westminster. I got a B.ed from SFU and got a job in Dawson. We moved. In 1976 we had our second girl. We left Dawson due to inappropriate relations my wife was having with a couple of men. We ended up in Edmonton, Alberta, as I got a sales position with some travelling.

I now find out that while on the road, my wife didn't regularly feed the girls. She also told my youngest at the age of 8 that she really didn't want her and was going to have an abortion--my daughter has dealt with this for 20 years and has required psychological help. In addition, I had to physically restrain my ex from beating the hell out of my daughter. I feel absolutely horrible about all of this, and wish I had been able to protect my daughters. When in a highly emotionally charged situation like this, it was difficult to make good decisions and I feel negligent in not stopping the abuse. She actually tried to run me over with her car. I was taught by my parents to keep the family together, and that is one piece of advice that doesn't hold true. Am I obliged to still report this situation?

Regards,
Frank

Reply from Darlene: Excellent question, Frank. Since your daughters are now adults, what you described above falls under the category of "historical child abuse."

In Canada, historical cases of child abuse DO NOT carry the same legal requirement to report as do more current cases, or cases of past abuse on children who are still minors. Indeed, even if you did report the situation to the authorities, very little could be done. It would be up to your daughter(s) to make a report; and again, other than taking the statement and putting it on record, law enforcement officials wouldn't be able to do much.

Cases of historical child abuse seldom make it past the prosecutor's desk, primarily because there usually aren't any witnesses and there is little, if any, physical evidence to support a charge being laid. The historical cases that DO find their way to the courts are generally those with multiple victims, all or most of whom would have made a statement, all or most of whom would be willing to testify—child abuse in the Canadian Residential Schools is a prime example.

Historical physical and emotional child abuse and child neglect in families are nearly impossible to prosecute, since the victims are usually confined to one, maybe two, seldom three or more of the adult children of the immediate family. And although historical sexual child abuse is also very difficult to prosecute, the fact that sex offenders tend to have multiple victims makes sex abuse more prosecutable, but generally only when there are multiple victims who are willing to testify.

I've offered more comments, Frank; but some words of caution first. My comments are definitely NOT intended to beat you up in any way, or to pass along blame. I have the utmost respect for the fact that you have asked the question above and that you provided very personal details of the environment your daughters grew up in, including the emotional turmoil that you are now in. You are obviously a very caring father. Please understand that my additional comments are intended to help you help your daughter; but only if you are emotionally ready to help her. And in helping her, you may well be helping yourself. Read my additional comments below.

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