Abuse Breeds Abuse

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Abuse Breeds Abuse

by Elaine
(Lancashire, UK)

I've written before to tell some of my story, and I have a lot of questions that I'd love to make sense of.

My abuse happened when I lived at my parental home - I'm now living with my partner in my own house, and work as a qualified Social Worker. However, what happened to me in the past still raises issues, and some of these are issues I also deal with at work.

I was made to feel unloved and inferior because I was a girl. I was physically abused and punished excessively for trivial things. I was constantly made to perform "tasks" to gain my parent's affection - my parents had rigid rules, high expectations and ever changing goalposts. They could be overprotective one moment, and neglectful the next. They were emotionally distant, but my mother used me as her confidante. My parents constantly verbally ridiculed and criticised - they hated my clothes, my looks, my hair, my friends. They made unfair comparisons - about exam grades, job prospects. They constantly terrorised me with threats. They always thought and believed the worst.

My parents are both from huge Catholic families; my mom is one of 7 and my dad one of 9 children. They both were abused as children and suffered some horrible experiences.

My dad was a War evacuee, and separated for a long time from his mom and siblings (they were evacuated in small groups). My granddad died when my dad was 15, so his mom brought up all the kids alone, and she was depressed and very poor. Dad hardly went to school, and went totally off the rails as a teenager (drinking and sleeping around). He has said he felt very bitter about his life.

My mom was the oldest girl in her family and left school at 15 to look after her younger siblings. Her family were also very poor and had to rely on Church charity. Mom was bullied at school for having ragged clothes. Her sister got pregnant at 14, and had a baby at 15, which was brought up by my gran. Mom was always told that girls were "useless".

My mom now has Bi-Polar Disorder. My dad has become aggressive, and emotionally detached. This affected the way they brought me up. They seemed to believe that they way they were parented was not right, but they went straight out and did the same thing. My parents found ways of taking out their own childhood frustrations on their own kids. I've read studies that suggest that parents with psychiatric diagnoses or with personality traits that interfere with their ability to parent, have often been abused, and often go on to become abusers. Anyone think this is true?

This article titled "Abuse Breeds Abuse" was originally posted to Child Abuse Articles page on this site October 30, 2007

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Abuse Breeds Abuse

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Mar 06, 2008
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Studies can't tell what they don't know
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Originally posted Oct 30, 2007

You raise an excellent question, Elaine, a question that requires a lot more space than what is allotted here.

Studies are all over the map with this issue. Some reflect that inter-generational abuse is rampant; while other studies suggest that most abuse victims DO NOT go on to abuse their own children. But child abuse continues to be so under-reported, that we can't accurately reflect what the actual statistics are. And then there is the ever-present issue of what constitutes child abuse. Within many countries, there is no standardized definition of child abuse, if there is a definition at all!

But one can look within their own families to determine for themselves if abuse breeds abuse. Your family is a prime example, Elaine.

From my perspective, inter-generational abuse is pure fact. Abuse afflicted my mother, my mother's mother, and my mother's mother's mother. Abuse adversely affected my father, my father's father, and countless others along the branches of the family tree. Both my parents suffered severe depression, plus a host of other mental disorders; all were attributed to the brutal and vicious child abuse they were forced to endure. But other than filing my own child abuse claim once with Social Services decades ago, every single case of abuse went entirely unreported. Therefore, my family abuse situation does not appear in any statistical data.

I know with absolute certainty that abuse breeds abuse, unless appropriate steps are taken to break that cycle of abuse.

Elaine, I am considering addressing this issue in Barriere Bits.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 06, 2008
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True, but not always
by: JWC

Originally posted Oct 30, 2007

I don't think there is a yes or no answer to this question. I do believe that SOME abuse victims go on to abuse their own children, but not all of them do. Some go the other way. Some become advocates for victims, like Darlene Barriere. I guess it all depends on the person, the type of abuse the person suffered, and how he or she copes.

Mar 06, 2008
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Barrierr bits
by: Anonymous

Originally posted Oct 30, 2007

There should be a barrierr bits on why this cycle happens, why people repeat the past

Mar 06, 2008
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definatly not
by: Anonymous

Originally posted Oct 30, 2007

my mother and step father beat and my step father raped me for yrs i now have a daughter and step daughter and would never hurt a hair on their head so please dont think that

Mar 06, 2008
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True
by: Mike

Originally posted Nov 04, 2007

Yes. It is true. If people are abused long enough, but they thin it's their fault, they may become abusers too. Sense you wrote this, I trust you have never abused your child, if you have one.

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Abuse Breeds Abuse

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Abuse Breeds Abuse