A Question About Involuntary Sexual Arousal

A Question About Involuntary Sexual Arousal

by Anonymous
(Australia)

A long time ago, I came across a story of a South African woman who had been sexually abused by her grandfather for years. As she recounted the events, she admitted to being aroused, obviously not by choice as she stated that it clearly sickened her. I then became very curious, as I too have had a similar problem.

I was sexually abused as a child. Within the last year or so, I have been feeling aroused as I thought about my abuse. It is the most sickening feeling, and I am definitely not seeking sexual attention while it's happening. I've had to train myself and find a method to send those unwanted physical feelings away. It isn't as strong anymore.

My question: Why does this happen, and how do you make it go away? Please aid me with some kind of understanding of this condition and how common it is.

Thank you

Reply from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "A Question About Involuntary Sexual Arousal" can be found below.

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Feb 14, 2008

Some theories...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I am not a doctor, nor do I hold a degree in psychology. I can only offer information based on what I've personally read on the topic.

There are theories about involuntary sexual arousal, theories that are being challenged all the time. As for how common it is, one can only guess, as very few are willing to admit this happens to them. If there are statistics out there, I am not aware of them. Perhaps some of my visitors can help in this regard.

Some theorists say that arousal is imprinted based on past experience. Some say that the physical sensations we feel when we experience fear, nervousness and anxiety are so very similar to those we feel when we are sexually aroused, that the two are often confused. Those sensations can be even more confusing when fear, nervousness and anxiety are COMBINED with an abusive sexual experience, which is usually the case. Add to that, cases where the victim of sexual assault experiences an orgasm—which, by the way, does NOT mean that the attack did not take place, NOR does it mean that the victim enjoyed it; the body can and does betray us—and you can have a situation where the brain and body responses are not in sync.

As children, we incorporate comforting behaviours when dealing with traumatic events. The fact is: it feels good to be sexually aroused. Children who rub themselves or in some way masturbate as a way to comfort themselves can further "imprint" on their sexual awakening. You'll note I say "can" rather than "does" imprint. This is because each of us reacts to stimulus and experiences in a different way. Each of us is completely unique, which makes answering the questions you pose even more difficult.

The BRAIN is the true sex organ of the body. What we TELL ourselves is just as important in sexual arousal as what we do physically and what is "imprinted" in us.

I sense you are questioning your character based on these involuntary and unwanted sensations. I do not believe that what you are experiencing is all that uncommon, nor do I believe that you are somehow flawed for it. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

I can appreciate that you want these unwanted sensations to go away. The measure I use to determine if something is a problem that needs to be addressed through counselling, etc. is the degree to which it controls the rest of your life and your ability to live it. Counselling might help you get to the root of these involuntary arousals, and might help you set them aside. You've already done some of this on your own, so perhaps a therapist can help you with this even further. Either way, a counsellor can help you to understand that you are NOT in any way a bad person for having these sensations, which I believe is an even more important underlying issue.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Feb 14, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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I am not a doctor, nor do I hold a degree in psychology. I can only offer information based on what I've personally read on the topic. There are theories about involuntary sexual arousal, theories that are being challenged all the time. As for how common it is, one can only guess, as very few are willing to admit this happens to them. If there are statistics out there, I am not aware of them. Perhaps some of my visitors can help in this regard. Some theorists say that arousal is imprinted based on past experience. Some say that the physical sensations we feel when we experience fear, nervousness and anxiety are so very similar to those we feel when we are sexually aroused, that the two are often confused. Those sensations can be even more confusing when fear, nervousness and anxiety are COMBINED with an abusive sexual experience, which is usually the case. Add to that, cases where the victim of sexual assault experiences an orgasm—which, by the way, does NOT mean that the attack did not take place, NOR does it mean that the victim enjoyed it; the body can and does betray us—and you can have a situation where the brain and body responses are not in sync. As children, we incorporate comforting behaviours when dealing with traumatic events. The fact is: it feels good to be sexually aroused. Children who rub themselves or in some way masturbate as a way to comfort themselves can further "imprint" on their sexual awakening. You'll note I say "can" rather than "does" imprint. This is because each of us reacts to stimulus and experiences in a different way. Each of us is completely unique, which makes answering the questions you pose even more difficult. The BRAIN is the true sex organ of the body. What we TELL ourselves is just as important in sexual arousal as what we do physically and what is "imprinted" in us. I sense you are questioning your character based on these involuntary and unwanted sensations. I do not believe that what you are experiencing is all that uncommon, nor do I believe that you are somehow flawed for it. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. I can appreciate that you want these unwanted sensations to go away. The measure I use to determine if something is a problem that needs to be addressed through counselling, etc. is the degree to which it controls the rest of your life and your ability to live it. Counselling might help you get to the root of these involuntary arousals, and might help you set them aside. You've already done some of this on your own, so perhaps a therapist can help you with this even further. Either way, a counsellor can help you to understand that you are NOT in any way a bad person for having these sensations, which I believe is an even more important underlying issue. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html"><i>On My Own Terms, A Memoir</i></a>

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Apr 17, 2008

You ARE Normal
by: Robert P.

Darlene Barriere's reply is right on. For almost fifty years, I struggled with why I kept wanting to relive my childhood shamings. Why it had become a sexual stimulus. I asked myself, "How could something so shameful and degrading become a source of sexual desire?" I felt I must be crazy and yet had no real answers.

After reading her reply to you, I believe she has solved the mystery. Somehow, I must have felt pleasure in a sexual way even though I was traumatized and in total terror at what was happening to me. I was too young to know what my body was feeling other than the horror of the abuse.

A few years later, I had my first sexual response but it was completely involuntary and frightening. I didn't know what was happening to me and thought I was going crazy for reacting as I did. What I now believe is I was responding to an emotional imprint that my body recorded as 'a normal reaction.' to a previous experience. An auto response by association if you will. I do believe this is why a rape victim sometimes becomes promiscuous, seeking, (no... needing) the adrenalin high the body now expects.

I'm no doctor either, but I've lived with this compulsion all my life and this is the first time something possibly explains it. I do hope there is more research into this as it might help others not feel they are crazy or sick. God Bless you and keep you well.

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Apr 17, 2008
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Submitted by: Robert P.

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Darlene Barriere's reply is right on. For almost fifty years, I struggled with why I kept wanting to relive my childhood shamings. Why it had become a sexual stimulus. I asked myself, "How could something so shameful and degrading become a source of sexual desire?" I felt I must be crazy and yet had no real answers. After reading her reply to you, I believe she has solved the mystery. Somehow, I must have felt pleasure in a sexual way even though I was traumatized and in total terror at what was happening to me. I was too young to know what my body was feeling other than the horror of the abuse. A few years later, I had my first sexual response but it was completely involuntary and frightening. I didn't know what was happening to me and thought I was going crazy for reacting as I did. What I now believe is I was responding to an emotional imprint that my body recorded as 'a normal reaction.' to a previous experience. An auto response by association if you will. I do believe this is why a rape victim sometimes becomes promiscuous, seeking, (no... needing) the adrenalin high the body now expects. I'm no doctor either, but I've lived with this compulsion all my life and this is the first time something possibly explains it. I do hope there is more research into this as it might help others not feel they are crazy or sick. God Bless you and keep you well.

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