A confusing encounter

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A confusing encounter

by Hayley
(Birmingham)

Over the last weekend I went to my brother's wedding and had a pretty good time. Apart from it being a bit cold at first it was rather warm in the North west coast of England, and Blackpool was pretty well packed. This was all great, it was actually the day after that made me feel confused and a bit upset.

My mum seems to like going on about how my brother cannot get to see his eldest daughter, because her mum won't let him, kind of stands to reason considering what he did to me, and now his youngest is considered to be potentially at risk. I pointed out that what ever happens it isn't exactly going to give me the eight years back that he stole from me. At this point my mum asked me what I mean when I say that because I keep saying it. I replied that he took the years away from me when he was abusing me. At that point my mum pointed out that I had done things to hurt them as well like running away when I was 14.

I felt rather shocked at that statement. What was I supposed to do? Stay home and endure the abuse I was getting from her darling son and from her? Son of the year was sexually abusing me, and threatening me to keep quiet. Mum was yelling at me, calling me a bully because of an argument at school, admittedly I did lash out a tad unnecessarily. It was nothing but put downs from her and I was getting more and more fed up and depressed. It felt like a kick in the guts what she said and yet again she just pulled the floor out from under me. She seems to quite like doing that, even said that she doesn't want to keep hearing about my nights out with a friend I play hockey with. If that's the way she wants it then fine, she won't even get a text when my team the Vixens play away games.

It seems that whenever I have fun she doesn't want to hear about it, manipulates the hell out of me if she's had a bad shift at the hotel where she works. We had made so much headway, now she's just thrown me back to where I was years ago. Right now I'm considering sending her an email to say that I won't bother letting her know what I'm doing, she isn't interested in me, and made that pretty damn obvious. I'm supposed to be phoning her saturday on my break, I don't even know if I want to do that now why bother if she doesn't give a damn what I was going through when her little angel was abusing me and doesn't give a damn what I'm doing now?

Right now I just feel terrible, my own mother betrayed me or so it felt. If she can't see me at other than face value, then why the hell should I bother talking to her at all? :~(

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A confusing encounter

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Aug 12, 2010
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Hayley:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Only you can make the decision about your mother. What I will say is that I found I had to completely distance myself from my mother (and eventually my father too) in order for real healig to begin. When I realized I could NEVER get from her what I needed, I was free to find it for myself. Perhaps the same will be for you.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 14, 2010
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Be Brave: Be Strong do what you know to be the best for you NOW
by: maurice

Hayley: I need say very little because If you read Darlene's words to you in her comment and act on them you sure would be loving yourself in a big way: Oh, Mothers who ruin their children's lives by not knowing how to be a good mother: It is painful at times for me to read stories that have the mothers abusing their own flesh and blood be they boys or girls: sadly it seems they seem to abuse their daughters more: I had one fantactic single Mom: She was and is my world today: She reared me lovingly in times that were hard: She, I am sure woulf have protected me from those who took advantage of my vunerability and abused me if I told her: But I did'nt know any better and I sure did not want to hurt her in any way: She was honest, simple, but totally a Mother to me: That is why I cringe when I read here on this haven of peace and help site stories that have mothers abusing their baby they carried lovingly for 9 month; Birthed and then began to abuse It; I find that really hard: Hayley thank you telling your story and going to the bother to find Darlen'e site: It can be a new beginning for you only if you want it to be: Darlene can share her heart with you: You must act with the help of the one or two friends that you trust: I will: I can: I must: Because I am worth it.

Dec 29, 2010
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Thank you both
by: Hayley

As the title suggests, thank you so much Maurice and Darlene. I did manage to put behind me what happened, and only really say anything about nights out with the Vixens if I am asked. It'smainly work that I talk about, which really doesn't bother me as I love it. At the start of the month I changed wards and now work on a trauma, surgery and orthopaedic ward. It's a mix between civillian and military and I'm learning loads. As for the hockey, that's still going pretty good. Last game was a heart breaker as despite all our hard work, we didn't get the basics too good and 5-4. The other team#s third goal was my fault. Playing on the first line was brilliant and despite being totally gob smacked and somewhat nervous I played pretty damn well. Amazing what one can achieve when they don't try, just relax and have fun, and believe that they can do a good job!

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A confusing encounter

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A confusing encounter